Chapter Three
The Monster Pig, the Desert Wolf, and the Ox King
It had been a few weeks of journeying and Goku and Bulma had found another Dragon Ball in Aru Village. First, Goku had to fight a shapeshifting Pig-man named Oolong who had been kidnapping all the townsfolk's daughters and keeping them in his castle. Goku was really disappointed in how weak he'd been and he was a huge creep so she was going to eat him since he was a pig. But Bulma wouldn't let her. Apparently, since he talked, that meant it wasn't okay which made enough sense to Goku so she decided to remember that. Talking means no eating.
In exchange for going away forever and not getting eaten, Oolong gave them his Big M capsule. Then Bulma used one of her capsules with a boat in it, since they had to go down a big river to get to the desert that would lead them closer to Fry-Pan Mountain.
"Now Goku, when we get to Fry-Pan Mountain, there'll be a big castle but we have to be careful because the Ox King lives there and he's very strong and dangerous," Bulma warned but Goku just grinned like an idiot at the prospect. Honestly, Bulma would never understand why a girl liked fighting so much!
"Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!" Goku exclaimed, jumping up and down in the motorboat. Bulma had to grab onto the sides to keep it from capsizing, furrowing her brows in irritation. Stupid kid! "I wanna fight the Ox King!" Bulma groaned.
"No!" she insisted, "No you don't! He's huge and he's a grown-up! What if he's stronger than you? What if he could really hurt you or kill you?" Much as she hated to admit it, Bulma was getting attached to the little weirdo. Besides, if she died, the Ox King was totally going to kill her, too, and Bulma had no intentions of dying yet. She hadn't even committed an act of science that mocked God yet!
"Then I'll just have to fight that much harder to beat him!" Goku said cheerfully, apparently unfazed by the prospect of her own demise. Bulma just groaned. And then groaned louder when the motorboat ran out of gas. She threw her back against the boat, kicking her legs angrily into the air.
"Stupid perverted pig and these stupid capsules with this stupid boat that doesn't have enough stupid gas in its stupid-" Bulma stopped her diatribe because a horrible sound of wrenching metal cut her off, followed by a big splash. Then she realized the boat was moving again, much faster than before. She sat up and saw that Goku had ripped off the engine and stuck her tail into the water and was using it as a makeshift propeller. Bulma sighed, shaking her head. Thank God for this stupid kid. She laid back in the boat as Goku did the work and yawned, thinking of her perfect boyfriend until she dozed off. He'd be tall, handsome, refined. He'd have "unusual" colored hair, so people wouldn't look at her weird anymore. Maybe green? He'd be well-traveled but not of a higher standing than her. And he'd have a dangerous side that he'd only bring out to protect her from people who wanted to hurt her. She drifted off to sleep, snoring, as Goku hummed happily to herself, tail puttering away.
A little while later, they came ashore and Bulma woke up, her blue hair shooting off in all directions. She yawned and stretched before hopping out of the boat.
"Okay!" she said eagerly, refreshed from her nap, "Let's keep movin'!" She reached into the pocket of her jacket and… and… and there were no capsules. Her eyes went wide with panic before she ripped off the jacket and shook it upside down, frantically. The Dragon Radar fell out along with a compact mirror and a hairbrush but. No. Capsules. Bulma was silent with rage for a moment then shrieked, stomping her feet and slamming the jacket on the ground over and over. Goku walked up to her, head cocked to the side, concerned.
"Bulma?" she asked, showing genuine, naive concern for her friend's psychotic breakdown. "What's wrong?" What she got for her compassion was the full force of Bulma's rage.
"What's wrong?!" she screamed in Goku's face with enough force to make the other girl's spiky hair fly backwards like she was trapped in a hurricane. What kind of question was that? How stupid could this stupid little hermit demon weirdo possibly be?! "My capsules are gone! My food, my bed, my clothes, my vehicles, my jewelry, everything!" Bulma broke down crying and crawled off behind a boulder to hide from the baking desert sun in its shade. It wasn't fair! All she wanted was a stupid umbrella that rained gumdrops when you opened it. Was that so wrong? Goku sat on top of the boulder, looking down at Bulma with concern, wondering what she could do to cheer up her friend.
OoOoOoO
Yamcha the desert bandit adjusted his spyglass from atop a mountain as he looked down at the sad scene below. A little girl, all alone in the desert, lost and away from home. She probably didn't even have any valuables to her name. He grinned wolfishly as he put the spyglass down and it turned back into his cat. But if she did, he would be there to take them from her. His faithful sidekick Puar, the aforementioned shapeshifting cat, floated beside him as he produced a capsule from which came his trusty Jet Squirrel flying scooter. Yamcha had no idea where Puar had learned to talk. Or to fly. Or how a cat could even afford to go to shapeshifting school. Or how you are taught to shapeshift. He'd just never really figured out how he'd bring these things up in casual conversation. He pushed all that out of his mind as he flew down towards his next victim. Easiest. Banditing. Ever.
OoOoOoO
Bulma had fallen asleep again and Goku was left alone with her thoughts. She wondered what it would be like to see Grandpa alive again. He could see Master Roshi again! And they could all train and do Martial Arts together! And they'd work together and finally find and defeat the monster that killed Grandpa in the first place! She smiled at the thought, kicking her feet. It would be so great to have Grandpa back and they only needed… Goku blinked as she remembered she couldn't count. Good thing she hadn't told Bulma that. She'd probably scream. Again.
Goku looked off in the distance and saw a person flying down from the sky with another one of those car-thingies. Or was this a bike-thingy? Wait, it didn't have a seat like either of those things. Either way, she liked his outfit. She liked green and orange. And he had a cat with him!
"Hi there!" she said eagerly, hopping down from the boulder as the other person landed. "My name's Goku!" The man walked off the machine and smiled back at Goku but she didn't like his smile.
"Hey there. My name's Yamcha," he said back before pulling out a sword and pointing it at her. "Capsules. Money. Now." Goku blinked at him before scratching her head.
"Why?" she asked. Yamcha's swordpoint dipped slightly, his face scrunched up in confusion. He hadn't expected that.
"I'm… I'm robbing you," he explained. Goku frowned as she took a fighting stance and brought out her Power Pole. She didn't like this Yamcha very much.
"I don't care," she said firmly. Yamcha chuckled, shaking his head.
"Really?" he asked. "Sword against stick?" He grinned, holding his sword out in both hands, taking a fighting stance of his own. "Anyone ever teach you how wood and metal work, kid?" Goku decided Yamcha was a huge jerk and jumped at him, swinging her staff around to crack him in the side of the head. Yamcha brought up his sword to meet her, just barely blocking the attack. His eyes went wide in surprise. She was strong! Goku jumped back and Yamcha made the attack with a series of quick slashes and cuts but Goku blocked every one. Goku jumped back again, putting distance between them. Yamcha raised the sword overhead for a big downward slash but Goku put a stop to that.
"Power Pole extend!" she shouted and the staff shot out to catch the sword on the underside of the pommel, sending it pinwheeling out of Yamcha's grip to bury in the dirt. Yamcha stared in dumbfounded disbelief. He looked at his hands, where there was no longer a sword. He looked at the sword, no longer in his hands. Then he looked at the staff in the girl's hands. Ten seconds ago, it had been an inch longer than the girl. Now the staff was longer than he was tall.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" he cried out, holding his hands up defensively when Goku made ready to strike. "Hey, I lost the sword. You put down the staff." Goku frowned. "Come on. Don't you want it to be fair?" Slowly, Goku put the Power Pole back in its sheath and put it on the ground. She did want to kick this guy's butt fair and square. They circled each other, waiting. "So, I see you're a bandit, too," he said, complimenting her.
"The heck is that supposed to mean?" she asked cautiously, not wanting to fall for any tricks. Yamcha smirked.
"You don't have to be defensive. You should be proud that you were able to steal the legendary Son Gohan's staff," he told her. Goku's brow furrowed in rage, then she leaped up into the air to give Yamcha a roundhouse kick that he just barely blocked with his forearm.
"I didn't steal anything!" she snapped. "My grandpa gave it to me!" Yamcha jumped back, rubbing his forearm, eyebrows shooting up in surprise again.
"You're the granddaughter of Son Gohan?" he asked and Goku nodded proudly, staying in her fighting stance. He grinned again as he dropped into a stance of his own. He lowered his body, sticking one leg far out as he bent forward, and his finger bent and hooked like claws. "Then you are worthy enough to die at the hands of my self-made martial art!" Goku went starry-eyed at that, despite herself. He invented his own martial art? That was so cool! Yamcha charged at her and the wind howled as he swung his arms with deadly precision. "Wolf Fang Fist!"
Yamcha had spent the better part of a decade perfecting the Wolf Fang Fist style. He'd trained his body in the hot desert sun, pounding his fingertips against the boulders and climbing up mountains with his bare hands to make his fingers as hard and as dangerous as steel when he tensed the muscles. He even lived with the wolves of the desert for a short time to really take in the spirit of the wolf. Running with them, hunting with them, howling with them. The Wolf Fang Fist was the ultimate killing style.
So how the hell was this little girl blocking his attacks?! Every time he swung, she had an answer; every time he kicked, she rolled away. It didn't make any sense! She had less range, less muscle mass, less everything. Then she jumped up and gave Yamcha a swift kick in the chin, sending him flying into the air. Then everything went white.
OoOoOoO
Kenshiro and Bat walked through the wastelands of North America on their way to nowhere important. It had been three days since they last had food and Bat was starting to complain. Despite the time they've spent together, Bat still couldn't understand why Kenshiro left the villages he saved without being rewarded.
Suddenly, off in the distance, Kenshiro could see an oddly clad figure flying towards them, their posture suggesting that they had been sent flying by a kick. Kenshiro had no idea who this person was but he knew they didn't belong here so he did the only natural thing.
"WATTA!" Without breaking stride, Kenshiro kicked the person back whence he came.
"Who the hell was that?!" Bat asked, completely flabbergasted by what he had just seen.
"No one important," was all Kenshiro said as he kept walking onwards.
OoOoOoO
Yamcha landed in front of Goku, holding his face. Goku was wondering where he'd gone. He didn't fall from the sky, really, he just kind of… appeared. Yamcha groaned as he got up, holding the side of his face.
"Y-you little shit!" he spat out along with a small amount of blood. Goku gasped, involuntarily falling out of her fighting stance. That was one of the words she'd heard Grandpa say when he hammered his thumb and he'd made her promise not to say those words.
"You said a bad wor-" she started to say but Yamcha hit her hard in the stomach with a double palm strike, sending her smashing into a cluster of rock pillars which all fell on her.
"Damn it!" Yamcha muttered. He did not just go through all that and not even get a chance to rob her! "Puar!" he snapped. His sidekick floated up beside him again. "Turn into a crane and go dig her out!"
"Yes sir, Yamcha sir!" he said with a dutiful salute and then flew over to the rocks. Which then started to move. "Uh… sir?" Puar asked nervously as he looked back over his shoulder at Yamcha. "I-I-I don't think I need to shapeshift!" He flew back towards his master, hiding behind him. Yamcha's eyes went wide as one of the larger chunks of rubble fell down to reveal Goku holding her head and groaning as if she'd been hit with a regular sized rock instead of boulders.
"No way," Yamcha muttered. "No. Fucking. Way." Goku marched towards them angrily and Yamcha was certain he was about to die. But then Goku staggered and she groaned before holding her stomach.
"Not now!" she moaned, feeling her stomach growl with emptiness. Her stomach picked the worst times to be hungry. "I don't have the energy!" She dropped to her knees and groaned miserably. Yamcha charged forward, knowing this was his only chance to strike, but then he heard a yawn and came to a screeching halt. It was a girl's yawn. His heart pounded in his chest as Bulma staggered out from behind the rocks, grumbling and running a hand through her hair.
"The heck is all that noi-" she started to ask but then locked eyes with Yamcha. There was a slight pause before he bolted, his eyes as big as dinner plates, and jumped back onto his Jet Squirrel and flew away, Puar clinging to his bandana. Stupid fear of women!
"Who the heck was he, Goku?" Bulma asked and Goku shrugged and frowned.
"A real jerk!" she grumbled before blowing a raspberry in the direction he flew. Even if it was kinda cool that he had his own martial arts technique he'd thought up all by himself.
"He was kinda cute," Bulma muttered, twirling her hair around one finger. Goku groaned, rolling her eyes. She hoped she never, ever got like that about boys. She went back to the boat to look for food but was surprised to find The Pig Guy's Big M Capsule under the seat.
"Hey, Bulma!" she shouted, holding the capsule triumphantly. "Look what I found!" Bulma broke out into a wide grin and ran to Goku, picking her up off the ground and kissing her cheeks all over. "Hey, quit it!" Goku protested as she squirmed and tried to get away.
The days passed by pretty quickly after that. They ran into Yamcha again and he'd tried to blow them up with a rocket launcher before saying that they'd just gotten off on the wrong foot and offered to give them a lift in his hovercar. Goku, naturally, trusted him. He'd said he was sorry and that was good enough for her.
They then drove to to Fry-Pan Mountain only to find out it was on fire! The Ox King sent Goku and his daughter Chi-Chi to go get Muten Roshi, who turned out to be Ox King's old teacher, to go get his Banshou Fan to put out the fire. Chi-Chi had thrown the blade in her hat at Roshi but he caught it in his fingers! It turned out that Roshi had bet the fan in a poker game against a girl with "great cans"- cans of what, Goku didn't know- and that he saw them when he won but she took the fan anyway when she'd found out he cheated.
Since the Banshou Fan was out, Roshi came with them but only because Goku had agreed to let Roshi touch Bulma's boobs. Goku didn't see anything wrong with that. He then used an amazing blast he called the Kamehameha that not only put out the fire but also destroyed the castle! Goku just had to try it herself and she did it! Roshi was super surprised. It blew up their car but they got the Dragon Ball! Now they had six, which Bulma told her was one less than seven. Apparently, there was something wrong with letting Roshi grab Bulma's boobs because she tried to shoot him when he did. No one ever explained these things to Goku!
Author's note: Yes, we kinda sped through some things. But we're gonna change things up soon, so we just gotta get through this arc. Yes, no more Oolong. Tragic loss, I'm sure. And yes, we kinda brushed over Chi-Chi. Will she return? Who knows! And no, there is no Boss Rabbit. He kinda breaks the universe. Boss Rabbit could beat Beerus.