When The Lord Closes A Door
Chapter 5
Georg paced back and forth in front of the large fountain that lay in the center of the Mirabell Gardens. He glanced down at his watch and let out a sigh as chuckled to himself. Late again, Maria! Although he wasn't that surprised, as she'd been late almost every time they'd met up. He'd even started arriving late himself, just to save on waiting time! But this time she was later than usual.
Georg was about to wander back over to the entrance of the gardens in search of her when he saw Maria breeze through the gates. She saw him immediately and gave him a big wave and a smile. As he watched her hurry towards him, Georg's mind cast back over the past 6 weeks since they'd decided to be 'just friends'.
They had been meeting up in the gardens about once or twice a week depending on her time with the children and his business schedule. Although they would only spend around 20 minutes or so with each other, the time Georg spent with Maria was clearly the highlight of his week. Her interesting conversation, her dazzling smile and her infectious laugh, Georg knew he was falling more in love with Maria every time he saw her. It was not that his life with Elsa was terrible, but the more time Georg spent with Elsa, the more meaningless his marriage felt. He felt like a trophy husband to her; just someone to show off and accompany her to the many social functions she dragged him to. Those soirees felt hollow and boring and Georg found himself longing for something more – something that Maria was giving him. When he was with her, he could feel his mind spark to life, his heart beat with excitement, and his blood pulse through his veins making him feel more alive than he'd felt in years!
Georg was very aware of how dangerous it was spending so much time with Maria, but he was always very careful that nothing untoward happened between them; their relationship was purely platonic and he tried to justify their friendship in his mind as being just that: friendship. Nevertheless, each time they saw each other it was becoming harder and harder to not cross that imaginary line that lay between friends and more than friends. It sometimes took every bit of his willpower not to grab her and kiss her senseless. Today was one of those days. As she ran towards him, Georg had to mentally stop himself from gathering her in his arms and lifting her up off the ground.
"I'm so sorry I'm late, Georg," Maria apologised breathlessly. She had run the entire way to the gardens as she'd been so eager to meet Georg. "The children wanted another song," explained Maria, "then another song, then another! I couldn't escape them!"
"That's quite alright," he chuckled giving her a dazzling smile. Maria felt the heat rising to her cheeks with the way he looked at her. She enjoyed every moment they'd spend together and although she knew Georg could offer her nothing more than friendship, there were times, like how he was looking at her at that exact moment, that she suspected he was finding it as difficult as she was keeping a respectable distance from each other as all she wanted him to do was take her in his arms and kiss her passionately.
But all he did was hand Maria a brown paper package. "Your strudel."
Maria giggled as she unwrapped the sticky pastry. "Thank you." Georg also unwrapped his lemon tarte and they simultaneously raised their pastries and tapped them to each other's like they were pretending to clink champagne glasses together for a toast.
Wordlessly, they began to eat as they started to walk through the gardens together. That was their routine: Georg would buy the pastries from the patisserie around the corner and they would eat them as they talked and walked through the grounds of the palace.
He'd learnt all about the family that Maria was now governess for. They were Jewish and her employer ran a small antique store on the other side of town. His wife helped her husband at the store so they'd needed someone to help care for their three children: Rebekah and Hannah aged 9 and 7 and Jakob who was 4. Maria confided in Georg her worries for the Jewish family she was working for in light of the increasing German threat in Austria especially because she'd heard rumours of other Jewish people being persecuted by Nazi-sympathisers. Georg also shared with Maria his concerns about the growing Nazi threat and he told her many stories of his time serving in the Imperial navy.
Then, for a bit of light relief after discussing such serious topics, Georg would tell Maria about all the dull parties that Elsa would drag him to and they'd laugh together about the stuffy aristocrats that were terrible bores. Georg also talked to Maria about the children and read her the letters that they'd written to him. He knew that she still didn't approve of his decision to send his children to boarding school however Maria was appreciative that Georg was still including her in the children's lives, although at a distance.
Their conversation that day was not much different from usual: it began with a quick recount of what each other had been up to since they'd last seen each other before moving onto other topics.
"How did the children enjoy that book of fairy tales?" Georg asked.
"They loved them! Especially the one about the Sleeping Beauty," she replied. "I think I read it to them at least a dozen times this week." Maria stopped walking as she rummaged around in the small satchel she had with her. She pulled out the book of fairy tales and held it out to Georg. "Thank you for lending me the book."
Georg held one hand up as if to stop her. "No, you keep it if the children enjoyed it so much."
Maria frowned. "But Marta… it was one of her favourite books. Won't she miss it?"
Georg shook his head. "I don't think so. I mean, she never mentioned it when she was home last week at Easter." Maria looked at him with uncertainty, but Georg was very firm. "I'd like you to have it, Maria. And if Marta really misses the book next time she's home from school, I can always buy her another one."
"Well…" Maria replied slowly. "If you're sure…" Georg gently pushed the book in Maria's outstretched hand back towards her. For an instant, their fingertips touched and Maria instinctively sucked in a sharp breath, like she'd just felt a pulse of electricity.
"I'm sure," Georg confirmed softly, their eyes meeting. At once, Maria's heart began to race. Most of the time when they'd meet, everything between them was very innocent but then when he looked at her like that, oh she could hardly breathe! Maria felt her face beginning to flush red once again and she tore her eyes from Georg's as she muttered her gratitude under her breath.
Maria decided to change the topic as she feared if he looked at her again like that, she would lose all self-control. "So how was the visit from the children?" she inquired, hoping that Georg wouldn't notice how flustered she felt.
"It was nice," Georg replied, feeling relieved himself that the sexual tension between him and Maria had reduced somewhat. "I didn't realise how much I'd missed them until they were home. I thought a week sounded like a long time but the time flew by so quickly that I couldn't believe it when it was time to drive them back to school."
"Are they happy there?" Maria asked.
"It appears so," Georg answered, rubbing his chin as they began to walk again. He directed them through the long, vine covered archway that Maria recalled running through with Friedrich and Kurt when they were learning Do Re Mi. "I think it took a little time to get used to at first and I know it is harder on Marta and Gretl with being so much younger than the other children. But they seem happy. Liesl is surrounded by girls her own age and is far away from that tool of a telegram boy who was constantly stalking the house. Friedrich has taken a great interest in history and geography and has grown about a foot since you've last seen him. Louisa has been in trouble a few times for playing pranks on some of the teachers, although she's promised to behave herself this term. And Kurt loves the food, god knows why – I always hated boarding school food. But he says it's better than eating grass and to Kurt, food is food!"
Maria laughed. "Yes, I remember: always hungry."
Georg chuckled too then slapped his leg like he just remembered something important. "Oh I nearly forgot, Brigitta got an A on her music essay and I just wanted to thank you for all the help and advise you gave me to give to her."
Maria brushed off the compliment. "Oh, I don't think I helped out much."
"No, you helped a lot. You taught me certain music terms like ostinato and contrapuntal that I had no idea about. Brigitta seemed very impressed that I'd even heard those terms and I couldn't obviously tell her that I'd gotten the information from you." He paused as it had been difficult not telling the children that he was still in contact with Maria, but they had both agreed that their friendship should remain secret. "I think I managed to bluff my way through," Georg continued, "although I suspect that Brigitta doesn't quite believe I actually know what I'm talking about."
"Well do you?" Maria asked teasingly.
"Not in the slightest," Georg admitted with a loud laugh. "I still think contrapuntal sounds more like the name of a dog than a type of melody."
Maria roared with laughter. "A dog? Oh Georg, if you ever got a dog, you must name it Contrapuntal! Please!" Maria continued to laugh, "although I can hardly picture you owning a dog."
"Why is the idea of a dog so difficult to imagine?" Georg raised his eyebrows as Maria still giggled. "I think I would look quite distinguished owning a couple of racing grey hounds."
"Or a poodle," Maria suggested with a snigger. "A fluffy one."
"A poodle!? What, no… never!" Georg pretended to be shocked by the suggestion as Maria completely lost her composure and doubled over in a bout of hysterical laughter. Georg laughed heartily too as Maria impulsively reached out and clung onto him as she laughed, tears running down her face.
Moments past and suddenly Georg became aware of how close they were to each other with Maria still holding onto him. He stopped laughing and took a second just to relish the sensation of her in his arms. A moment later, Maria stopped laughing too and she looked up and locked her gaze with his. She looked so lovely, her eyes bright from all the laughter and whether or not he should have, Georg couldn't help himself and he began to bend his head to move his mouth toward hers…
But before he could kiss her, Maria squirmed out of his arms. She opened her mouth as if to say something but then closed it again straight away. Even though she desperately wanted him to kiss her, Maria knew that it couldn't, and shouldn't happen. She started to walk away from Georg but she only got two steps before she spun back around. "Georg, what's going on between us?" she demanded.
Feeling guilty, Georg played dumb. "I don't know what you mean. We're just two friends sharing a strudel and a laugh."
"That's not what I mean and you know it," she fired back. She stared at him intently for a few seconds, chewing her lip slightly. "This feeling between us. Every time you look at me… and just now you almost kissed me." With her heart thudding in her chest, she took a deep breath. "I can't… Georg, I-I'm not sure this 'just friends' thing is working."
"But being just friends was your idea," Georg instantly defended.
"I know!" she cried. "But I didn't know it was going to make me feel like this. Being so close to you and not being able to…" Maria stammered as she swallowed the hard lump that had formed in her throat.
"Don't you think I'm finding this hard too?" Georg responded fiercely. "Maria, I made a mistake, the biggest mistake of my life by not going after you! I was a fool. I wish I had called things off with Elsa when I had the chance and married you instead, but I didn't. And now I'm trapped married to the wrong woman."
All the pent-up emotions from the past few months were now threatening to be released like a torrent. Georg started to pace up and down under the covered walkway. "Georg…" Maria began but he interrupted her.
"You said this 'friends' thing isn't working and I agree. I thought that even if I had you in my life as a friend that would be enough, but it isn't. I want more and I need more, Maria." Georg stopped pacing and turned to face her directly. "You wouldn't let me tell you before but I'm telling you now: I love you Maria." Maria instinctively gasped hearing him say it aloud for the first time.
"And you love me too," Georg confronted her, "even if you won't say the words." Maria closed her eyes and nodded faintly.
Georg took a step towards her and placed both hands on her shoulders. "There has to be a way. I could talk to Elsa, ask her for a divorce…"
But Maria shook her head and pulled his hands off her shoulders. "No. Even if she agreed, you know that divorces aren't recognised in the Catholic church and even if they were, you'd be a divorcee; we wouldn't be able to get married, not in the church anyway. You'd be doing it all for nothing. Hurting her, disgracing your reputation… No, I can't let you do that."
"Maria…" Georg stepped forward but instead of placing his hands on her shoulders again, he took her in his arms completely and held her tight. He kissed the top of her head as he felt her body tremble as she shed silent tears. "I'm sorry," he whispered.
Maria raised her head from his chest to look up at his face. Seeing her red and swollen eyes and tear-stained cheeks, all Georg wanted to do was to comfort her and sooth away the pain he had caused her. He placed several feather-light kisses across her forehead and down her cheeks, kissing the tears away.
Maria closed her eyes and dropped her chin down so that he couldn't do what she knew he wanted to do. But Georg cupped her cheeks and raised her face to his once more. But he didn't kiss her. Instead he just held her face tenderly in his hands and gazed down at her beautiful face.
Georg was starting to feel desperate. He loved Maria and he didn't want to let her go. He needed her. "Maria," he began softly. "There is another possibility for us to be together… No one would know…"
He didn't have to say anymore for from the look in his eyes, Maria understood instantly exactly what his proposition was. Her eyes widened and she immediately shook her head. "No," she croaked.
"Why not? I love you and you love me…"
"But you're married!" exclaimed Maria. "I may have left the convent but I haven't abandoned my faith. What you'd be doing – what we'd be doing would be a sin! You'd be committing adultery and I... No, I can't and I won't!"
Maria wriggled free from his grasp. "Maria," Georg reached out to her again but she took a step backwards.
"I don't think we should meet up again," she announced, her voice trembling with emotion.
"But Maria, please…" pleaded Georg.
"No," Maria shook her head again and took a couple more steps backwards. "Forget me Georg, it's the only way."
Before Georg could say another word, Maria turned and fled, leaving him alone.
A/N: Sigh, so I suppose it was pretty predictable that they wouldn't be able to be just friends. But is it really the end for our couple? Not in the slightest, in fact this story is still just at the beginning. Stay tuned to find out what's next! Please review!