When The Lord Closes A Door
Chapter 12
"…and after the prince kissed the princess, they lived happily ever after," Brigitta concluded as she finished reading and closed the book. She looked up tentatively at Elsa, who was sitting next to her listening.
Elsa smiled warmly at Brigitta. "Thank you Brigitta," she gushed genuinely. "That was lovely."
"Would you like me to read you something else?" Brigitta asked.
"No, thank you dear," Elsa replied wearily. "I'm feeling a little tired right now. How about you run along and play with your siblings?"
Brigitta nodded and stood up about to run off when she impulsively bent down and gave Elsa a hug. She then flicked Elsa a quick wave as she ran to join Louisa in the garden.
Elsa leant back in her chair and closed her eyes. Georg thought she looked very tired but he was pleased that she had felt well enough to get out of bed to come outside and spend some time with the children. The nurse had made sure Elsa was warm enough by placing a rug across her lap and had swept Elsa's thinning hair up under an elegant scarf. It had been almost a month since Georg had found out about Elsa's illness and unfortunately, she had declined very quickly so that it was now only a rare event that she ventured out of her room.
Suddenly they heard Kurt call out to them from down in the garden. "Hey everyone, look at me!" he yelled before proceeding to perform a lop-sided cartwheel which he landed, not on his feet, but on his backside. Elsa let out a merry laugh before she broke out in a racking cough. Almost instantly, Marta and Gretl appeared by her side.
"Can we get you some more pink lemonade?" they asked in unison as Georg waved them away.
"I think we've all had enough pink lemonade to last a lifetime!" he chuckled. The blasted drink, although not too sweet or too sour, was just too… uh… pink. He swore he would never touch the stuff again.
"Should I go and fetch the nurse?" asked a doting Friedrich who had been hovering nearby. Georg had suspected that although his eldest son had a soft spot for Maria, he'd always had a secret crush on Elsa. Out of all the children, he'd been the one who had spent the most amount of time with Elsa.
Elsa held up one hand. "No, thank you Friedrich. I'm fine now."
"How about all you children go and find something to do and let Elsa rest for a bit?" Georg asked them. "I think Frau Schmidt said lunch will be in about an hour."
"Alright Father," the children chorused together. "Bye Elsa, hope you're feeling better soon." Georg winced at hearing the children refer to Elsa by her first name. When they'd married, Elsa had been quite adamant that the children not call her Mother, much to Georg's displeasure.
"They are such enchanting children, Georg," remarked Elsa as she watched them go. "You must be very proud of them."
"I am," he replied. "But it hasn't been easy for them, learning of your illness and seeing you become sick so quickly. Especially for the older ones. Like myself, they found too many obvious parallels with their real mother dying and it has been difficult for them knowing that they will lose their second mother also."
Elsa said nothing immediately but just gazed pensively out across the garden where the children were playing on the lakeside. Eventually, she let out a sigh. "I know you weren't pleased at my insistence that the children call me Elsa, rather than Mother. But I never wanted to be a mother and quite honestly, I was not very happy to have suddenly become a step-mother to your children. In fact, the entire idea of children or motherhood completely horrified me!"
"Why was that?" Georg asked curiously. He had found over the past month, Elsa had let down many of her defences and had been opening up about her life and her feelings, and he had learnt more about her over the past few weeks than during the previous few years. There was something about this new, open and honest Elsa that he liked and Georg wished that she'd let him in sooner.
Elsa let out a weak laugh. "Something happened long ago that completely put me off the entire idea of having children. Silly really, come to think about it. I was about eleven, no… twelve I think and one of my older cousins had just had a baby. My mother took my sister and I over to visit and suddenly I had this little baby thrust upon me to hold. Well, I didn't know what to do… this tiny, fragile but squirming thing in my arms. Arms and legs kicking everywhere! I didn't know how to hold him properly and it all felt so awkward and I was so scared I was about to drop him. Then he began to scream at the top of his lungs. I panicked and tried to give him back to my cousin when he suddenly spat up all over me and I was covered from head to toe in baby vomit."
Georg couldn't help but laugh. "Uh… babies can sometimes do that, you know."
Elsa sighed wearily. "I suppose so, but everyone laughed at me. A lot. I was mortified. So, I swore I would never hold a baby ever again." She shuddered at the memory. "But after that as I grew older I witnessed, more-often-than-not, so many misbehaving and screaming children. It was horrifying! And as many of my friends married then became mothers, I noticed how they would suddenly disappear almost entirely from society as their lives became more and more engrossed in motherhood and so I decided that lifestyle was definitely not for me. But I think, however, that my late husband had always hoped for children but I was always secretly pleased that it had never happened for us." She looked at Georg and let out a small chuckle. "But then you came along, not just with one or two children… but seven!"
"I bet you found that just delightful," Georg teased.
Elsa laughed. "Darling, it was hard, but with you safely visiting me in Vienna without your children, it was very easy to forget you actually had them."
"Until I invited you here to come and meet them," Georg pointed out.
"That's right. But from all your descriptions of them, I was expecting some sort of well-disciplined naval unit, but instead I was greeted by a bunch of drowned rats when Maria accidently tipped them from the boat into the lake!"
Georg laughed so hard at the memory of the children dragging themselves dripping wet from the lake that it didn't occur him for a few moments that Elsa had brought up Maria for the first time since she'd become sick. Georg stopped laughing. He felt so thrown that he barely heard Elsa as she continued speaking.
"… and that lovely singing performance the children did for me afterwards was so delightful," Elsa gushed. "Maria did such a fine job with them."
At the mention of Maria once again, Georg flinched slightly. He'd been trying to keep thoughts of Maria far from his mind as he looked after Elsa since he'd promised her he wouldn't see Maria again. Yet, Georg often found his mind wandering off on its own to think about Maria, especially the memories of the passionate kisses he'd shared with Maria that day at the apartment. But always with an immense sense of guilt, Georg would straight away push those thoughts out of his mind, and try and focus back on Elsa, as she was his priority. Georg knew that what he'd done with Maria that day was wrong and even though he couldn't change the past, he was trying to make it up to Elsa as best he could. But talking about Maria, even in passing conversation, wasn't making it easy for him.
"I really am becoming quite fond of the children, know you," Elsa continued. "Despite my initial reservations, it is lovely having them back home. Although, they seem to be running you ragged, Georg."
"O-ho, yes!" Georg chuckled, secretly thankful that the conversation was turning away from Maria. "Mountain picnics every other day, climbing trees, endless games of playing tag – they seem to have boundless energy!" Georg pretended to stifle a yawn. "Who knew this parenting thing would be so exhausting? I'm practically dead on my feet every night."
"Maria certainly made it look easy, didn't she?" Elsa remarked casually. Georg stiffened. There Elsa was again: talking about Maria. He furrowed his brow. He didn't know why she was doing it. It was making him uncomfortable.
Trying to distract himself from his thoughts and the conversation, he picked up the teapot. Elsa didn't say anything more, but Georg could feel her eyes on him as he quickly poured himself and then Elsa another cup of tea.
Elsa slowly and carefully added a splash of milk to her tea then placed a heaped teaspoon of sugar into the teacup. "So," she said cautiously as she began to stir her tea. "Have you spoken to Maria lately?"
Georg's eyes shot up. "No," he replied at once. "You know all too well that I haven't." Since their agreement about total honestly, they had both told each other everything and Georg had kept nothing from Elsa. Yet, he wondered, if she already knew that, why was she asking?
"Why do you ask?" he asked suspiciously.
"Oh… no reason," Elsa replied vaguely, tapping her teaspoon gently against the edge of the teacup.
"Elsa…" Georg probed.
"Oh, alright," she huffed. "I know the children are finding my illness hard, and as much as they try to be bright and happy around me, I can tell how upset they are."
"That's true," hummed Georg. "But what's that got to do with Maria?"
Elsa cleared her throat nervously. "I, er, thought you might like to ask her to come over to see them. I think it would cheer them up tremendously, and… uh, it might do you the world of good too."
"Me?"
"Georg…" she purred looking at him knowingly, "I know caring for the children and myself has been difficult and you've just said yourself how exhausted you are. And apart from Max visiting the other week, you don't have anyone to talk to…"
"I talk to you…" Georg quickly interjected.
"Oh, I know that," Elsa replied matter-of-factly, "but it's not the same, is it? I'm dying! And that's hard on you – no matter how much better we've been getting along these days and the many things we talk about, I know there are certain things you can't say to me, or share with me…" Elsa took a deep breath. "I-I… think you need Maria – for your own sanity."
Georg didn't reply straight away but instead rapped his fingers on the table for a few seconds as he thought. He chewed on his lip for a moment then sat back in his chair and looked hard at Elsa. "I just don't understand you," he finally declared.
"I'm not sure I know what you mean," replied Elsa innocently.
"Don't play coy with me, Elsa," Georg warned. "You know certainly well what I mean. You were furious months ago when you learnt I was meeting up with Maria and you ordered me not to see her anymore, and after I hurt you by going to her that day, I promised you faithfully that I wouldn't see her again and I haven't. And now? Now you're wanting Maria to come here… for me… for my sanity? Elsa, have you lost your sanity?
Elsa let out a weary laugh. "Possibly, and I suppose if you'd have asked me two months ago whether I would be inviting the girl over here, I would have said you were the mad one. But things have changed."
"Some things, yes," Georg reluctantly agreed. "But the past hasn't. Have you forgotten…?"
"No I haven't!" Elsa snapped back. "But that's exactly why I want her over here."
Georg instantly bristled. "Elsa, if you want Maria over here to punish her for my mistakes then…"
"No!" Elsa cried. "That's not what I mean!" Elsa paused to take a deep breath then she squeezed her eyes shut as she searched for the words she wanted to say. "I can't expect you to understand…"
"Try me."
"Georg, I know I made a mistake the night of the party by chasing Maria away. She made the children happy, and god knows she made you happy too – so much so that I had no business manipulating her to leave and trapping you into this sham marriage of ours. I don't have much time left… I want the opportunity to apologise to Maria and to try and make up for all those awful things I did to her back then while I have the chance."
Georg didn't know what to say or do. He stood up and walked over the balustrade and placed his hands firmly on it as he gazed out over the water. He felt torn. Georg knew Elsa well enough to know that it was a very big thing for her to want to apologise to Maria and, on one hand, Georg felt he should respect Elsa's wishes for wanting to do so. Yet, he also knew that his relationship with Maria had caused an incredible amount of heartache for Elsa and so he didn't want to put Elsa through any more pain during her last few months.
He turned back around to face Elsa, a question on his lips. "If all you want to do is apologise to Maria, why give the pretence that she'll be here for the children?"
"It won't be a pretence," Elsa replied with a shrug. "I'm sure the children will be thrilled to see her. As much as I told you before that I never wanted to be a mother, I've come to care quite deeply for them all and I hate seeing the children so sad. Maria was always so good with them."
Sitting back down, Georg nodded slowly, knowing she was right. Maria was good for the children and he could just imagine the excitement from the children that a visit from Maria would bring. But there was still something concerning him; and that was his feelings for Maria. While Georg knew that things between him and Maria were completely over, he was worried that Elsa would think that he would be still tempted by her.
"And me? You said you thought Maria being here would be good for me, but aren't you worried I might have another affair with her?" he asked softly. "You know how I feel about her."
At once Elsa burst out laughing. "Oh Georg, I know you won't have another affair with her." She said it as confidently as she would have declared that Georg would never have another glass of pink lemonade ever again. "You've given me your word that it is over between you two and I trust you completely. Maria will be here with my full knowledge and consent, and that's the difference."
Georg was thankful Elsa trusted him again and he wanted to do everything in his power to ensure he didn't betray that trust. Even still, he felt quite unconvinced that inviting Maria over was the best thing for Elsa. "No," Georg said firmly. "I don't think it's a good idea…"
"Please Georg!" Elsa begged.
"Elsa…" Georg protested wearily.
"Look Georg, I appreciate how much you're trying to protect me by not wanting Maria to come here. But please, do this for me." Elsa saw that Georg was still unmoved so she decided to go with a different angle. "Can I ask you to do this as my dying wish?" Elsa emphasised the words carefully and flashed him a sweet, fake smile.
Immediately Georg roared with laughter. "You're not really trying to pull this 'my dying wish' thing, are you?"
Elsa laughed too. "Of course I am, if it works. You know how much I like to get my own way." Georg threw his hands up in the air, defeated. "So?" Elsa prompted.
"Elsa, I'm still not happy about this. Are you absolutely sure?"
Elsa nodded slowly. "I am sure, Georg," she replied, patting his hand. "I've been thinking about it for a while now and I think it's the best thing for everyone. Please, ask Maria over. For me."
Elsa gave him a pleading look. So despite his concerns, Georg reluctantly agreed. "Okay, but just to be clear: I'm doing this for you, because you've asked me to, and I'm doing this for the children, as seeing Maria will be good for them. But I'm not doing this for me…"
Elsa opened her mouth to protest but Georg put up his hand, stopping her. "My relationship with Maria, not matter how I tried to justify it, was inappropriate and wrong, and it did hurt you, Elsa and I've promised that I won't do that again. So, for the sake of both of us, I'll be keeping my distance from her. Agreed?"
Elsa sighed, knowing he was right. "Agreed."
"Good, I'll go and find her tomorrow."
A/N: Thank you to everyone who has taken this story back up after such a long time of not updating (I think when I posted the previous chapter a few months ago, it had been around 3 years or so since the last update). This story (and all my other incomplete stories) have not been forgotten, it's just slow going when there isn't much free time to write and update, but more is always planned for whenever there is time to write more. Reviews are always so motivating so it'll be greatly appreciated if you could send me a few words of encouragement. Many thanks.