When The Lord Closes A Door
Chapter 13
The next day, Georg spent around an hour driving around Salzburg looking for Maria. It occurred to him, as he searched the various parks and gardens, that it would have been easier to have originally found out where Maria lived, rather than always been left to search the parks for her on the off-chance she might be at one. Thankfully, he managed to locate her at the third park he visited.
He stood off to the side under the cover of some trees watching her play ball with the three children for a few minutes. As Georg watched them play, he tried to think strategically about how to approach Maria. While he was still unconvinced about Elsa's wish to have Maria at the villa, he had given Elsa his word that he would speak to her.
Georg was aware of how inappropriate his last meeting with Maria had been: firstly because of his crazed emotional state at the time, then secondly and more importantly, letting things go too far between them. He felt very ashamed of his behaviour that day and knowing the request he was about to make from her, Georg was quite nervous about talking to Maria. Not only that, he had Maria's feelings to think about as well. He had put her in a difficult position once before and he was about to ask her to put herself in a difficult position again. He was fully aware how everything he did, or didn't do, had a consequence and he found himself in an impossible situation.
With the situation delicate, he needed to ensure that whatever lingering feelings he had for Maria were kept at bay, while still maintaining an air of pleasantness and friendliness. He sighed, it was not going to be easy. However, masking his feelings and building up walls around himself was something that he was very good at – in fact, he had done it for years after Agathe had died.
As one of the children missed the ball and the other two ran off to fetch it, Georg took that as his cue to make his presence known. He sucked in a deep breath then plastered his face with the most charming smile he could muster.
"Hello," he remarked pleasantly as he approached Maria.
Maria looked up to see Georg walking towards her and she felt conflicted. In the many weeks since they had last seen each other, she'd thought about him a lot as she'd been very concerned about him knowing how emotional he'd been with finding out that the Baroness was sick, so she had wondered how he was coping, as well as how the Baroness was fairing with her illness. Yet, due to everything that had happened between them at his apartment, she had told herself repeatedly that it was probably for the best that they didn't see each other again. But now that he had suddenly turned up at the park and seeing his friendly smile as he walked towards her, she decided she was actually quite pleased to see him.
"I thought I just might find you here," he began with a playful tone to his voice.
"Me, in the park with the children?" she replied back pleasantly. "Surely, that's not the only place I might be found."
"No, of course not," he chuckled. "I've known you to be hanging upside down from a tree, in a rowboat on the lake, or more correctly swimming IN the lake when the rowboat tips you out of it, and even sometimes on a mountain picnic. Believe me, I'm glad to have found you just in the park – it may have taken me days to search all those other places for you."
Maria laughed too as the three children wandered up to join them. "Who are you?" Hannah asked rather bluntly.
"Er…" Georg began awkwardly when Maria quickly interrupted.
"This is my friend, Captain von Trapp," Maria told them honestly. "He used to command submarines in the Imperial Navy."
At once Hannah screwed up her face and looked at Georg strangely. "Why do you stare at me that way?" Georg asked curiously.
"It's just… you don't look at all like a sea captain," the little girl explained.
At this, both Maria and Georg burst out laughing. "Yes, so I've been told before." Georg winked at Maria over Hannah's head.
"So children," Maria continued. "Remember how I told you that I once looked after seven children in one family? Well, this is their father."
Jakob gawked at Georg wide-eyed. "You really have seven children?"
Georg chuckled and bent down to be at eye-level with the little boy. "I do and unfortunately they like to play nasty tricks on their governesses. Glue on toothbrushes and snakes and spiders in beds… tut, tut, tut… they can be a handful at times."
"What was the worst trick the children played on you, Fraulein Maria?" Rebekah asked.
Maria stole a quick glance at Georg. "Well, thankfully the children never played that many tricks on me, apart from a frog in my pocket, but on my first night there, they strategically placed a very prickly pinecone on my chair at the dinner table."
"You should have seen your Fraulein jump high up in the air and whoop in pain as soon as she sat on that ridiculous thing," Georg chimed in as he stood back up. "Never in all my life had I seen such a hilarious performance!" The children giggled. "Now, if you three children won't mind, I need to speak to your governess for a few minutes."
Maria nodded her head. "How about you all continue playing ball just over there where I can still see you? The Captain and I won't be very long."
As the children ran off to play, Georg gestured towards the nearby park bench. "They seem lovely children," he remarked as they sat down.
"They are. I love them very much."
Georg lowered his voice. "Do you suppose they recognised me from last time I found you?"
Maria paused as she watched the children ignored them and began their game of catch. "No, I don't believe so."
The memory of when she last saw Georg was still fresh in her mind. His despair and anguish at not only reliving painful memories of when his late wife had died, but also dealing with the news of the Baroness's illness that led him into the comfort of her arms. While Maria had tried forgetting what had happened next with their passionate encounter, she found that the memory of each kiss and caress was burned into her brain. And every time her mind drifted back to that day, she was filled with an immense sense of guilt for what they'd done. She'd asked for forgiveness many times during her nightly prayers, yet seeing Georg again brought those feeling of guilt straight back to her. She swallowed hard, trying to force the sinful memories from her mind.
There was a long, uncomfortable silence as they watched the three children play on the grass just out of earshot. Maria turned her head slightly to look at Georg sitting next to her. Although he seemed casual and relaxed with his long legs stretched out in front of him, his feet crossed at the ankles, she could tell he was nervous as the fingers on his left hand wriggled wildly in agitation. And even though he had presented such a casual and friendly persona in front of the children a few moments ago, Maria could also sense that he was different somehow, from the way he was not quite meeting her eye now they were alone, to how he sat just a fraction further away from her than he used to. Things had changed between them. Of course things had changed! Maria shouted silently to herself. How could they not have after everything that had happened between them last time?
Maria chewed on her lip and waited for Georg to speak, but when he did not, she eventually broke the silence. "So, how are you? You've been on my mind a lot."
"I'm… alright," Georg answered slowly. "Much better than last time I saw you. Coping slowly." Maria let out a sigh of relief. "Actually," he continued uneasily. "I wanted to apologise for my conduct last time we saw each other. Firstly, I want to apologise for… what happened…" he paused for a second but didn't elaborate further on what he meant by that – he didn't need to: Maria knew exactly what he was referring to. "I, uh, lost control and behaved extremely inappropriately and I'm sorry. I just want to assure you that I'll never put you in that situation again and I'd like very much if we could put the entire thing behind us."
Maria nodded silently in agreement. She wanted desperately to be able to move on and not feel all the guilt she'd been feeling since that fateful afternoon.
"And secondly," Georg continued. "I also wanted to apologise for dragging you into my emotional mess that day. I wasn't in a good frame of mind at the time and I behaved erratically. Will you forgive me?"
"Of course," replied Maria, finding her voice. "You'd had a huge shock and the memories of your late wife illness and her passing coming back to you… it's no wonder you were in such a state! I've always said that as a friend I'd be there for you and perhaps it was wrong how it all came about, but I'm grateful that you trusted me enough to confide in me."
"Even though it was a mistake to involve you, it helped, you know – talking about Agathe. After that day, my grief from losing her has slowly been decreasing, in fact," Georg paused as he pulled out his wallet from his jacket pocket, "there's something I wanted to show you." He handed Maria two photographs. As he did so, Maria could feel the tension between them starting to ease. Maria studied the photographs in her hands. The first showed a beautiful young lady with fair hair sitting next to a very youthful looking Georg. He had a moustache and Maria suspected that he couldn't have been much older than 23 or 24.
"That was taken of Agathe and I shortly after our wedding."
"You both look so young!" exclaimed Maria.
"I suppose we do." Georg agreed with a half laugh. "It was during the war and I was at the height of my military career. But it was a long time ago. Now, the next one was taken around Gretl's first birthday." Maria switched over to look at the second photograph. Georg and his late wife were much older in that photograph with Georg looking much more like how he looked now. Agathe held baby Gretl on her lap and the other six, much younger, children surrounded them. It was a beautiful family photograph.
"You know that was the last photograph we ever had taken as a family," Georg told Maria sadly. "Only a month after it was taken, poor Louisa became sick with scarlet fever and it wasn't much after that before Agathe was struck down too… and then…"
"I'm sorry."
"I know, thank you. Looking at these photographs hurt so much after Agathe's death that I hid them away hoping to forget, but after you left that day, I found them at the apartment. The children have appreciated seeing photographs of their mother and now it's… much easier facing the painful memories of her death, especially now that Elsa is so sick."
"I'm glad. Thank you for showing me these," Maria told him genuinely handing the photographs back, but then at Georg's mention of the Baroness, her hand flew to her mouth. "Oh forgive me, you must think I'm dreadful for not asking sooner! The Baroness? How is she?"
Georg sucked in a deep breath. "Unfortunately, Elsa has declined quite quickly," he told Maria seriously. "But she has some good days to balance out the bad days. The children, however, have taken the news of Elsa's illness very hard I'm afraid. Although they were never very close to Elsa before she became sick, like myself, they have found there have been too many reminders of when they lost their real mother."
"I'm so sorry," said Maria sincerely. "Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes, in fact there is. That's why I'm here today actually," said Georg, thankful that he could get straight to the point. "I was hoping that perhaps you might come over and visit the children sometime. I think it would cheer them up enormously."
"Oh," gulped Maria. She was taken completely by surprise and she didn't know what to say or do.
Georg watched her reaction to his request carefully and at once saw her hesitation. "You don't want to see them?" he asked.
"W-what? No!" she cried. "Of course I want to see them – I miss them very much. It's just…" Maria stopped. A fleeting memory of herself in Georg's arms kissing passionately passed through her mind and the thought of coming face-to-face with the Baroness knowing how she, Maria, had caused Georg to commit adultery, was too much. She knew Georg wanted to put the incident behind them as much as she did, but Maria was terrified of the Baroness finding out about it, not-to-mention how the memory of the last time Maria saw the Baroness the night of the party still haunted her dreams. No, Maria knew she could never go back there and face her…
"It's just, what?" Georg probed. Maria didn't reply, instead looked away and chewed nervously on her lip. But Georg could almost read her mind. "If you're worried about Elsa, don't be. In fact, it was her idea for you to come."
"It was?"
Georg nodded. "Yes. To be honest, I was just as surprised as you are when she suggested it. But I think Elsa's illness has made to re-evaluate lots of things and made her see what's important. She wants the children to be happy and she knows you'll do that."
Maria didn't look convinced and Georg could sense what was going through her mind. He quickly glanced around to make sure no one could overhear and he also lowered his voice. "Look Maria, I know this is a lot to ask of you and I don't want you to feel uncomfortable coming back, especially after what's happened between us…"
"What's happened between us…?" Maria hissed, interrupting him. "I know you said we should put it behind us and I want that too! But you don't know how many times I've thought of that day and what we did! My goodness, Georg… We kissed and we almost… Oh god! I feel so guilty and I just want to forget all about it and pretend like it never happened but I can't. So how can I come back to your villa and be face-to-face with your wife when I'm petrified that she'll somehow find out about us?"
"Maria…" his voice trailed off. Georg clucked his tongue against his teeth for a moment as he tried to work out how he was going to respond. He was in a bind. He anticipated that Maria would refuse to come if she found out that Elsa knew about their relationship, yet, he didn't want to lie about the fact that Elsa already knew about them. No, there had been too many secrets and lies already and those many secrets and lies were the reason why they were in this mess to begin with. Georg knew he couldn't conceal the truth from Maria.
"She already knows," Georg muttered under his breath, wincing as he heard himself speak the words.
Maria's eyes widened. "What!?" she cried out loudly in shock.
"Shh!" Georg frantically tried to hush her as he saw the three children plus several passers-by look over in their direction.
Quickly, trying to pretend like nothing was wrong, Maria smiled brightly and gave the children a swift wave, directing them to continue playing, then she turned back to Georg, her smile completely gone and her eyes blazing with fury.
"She knows?" Maria hissed, lowering her voice again. "How?"
"Uh, I told her…" Georg squirmed slightly in his seat. But as he saw Maria open her mouth to respond, Georg knew he had to quickly explain everything. "Maria, I had to! There were so many secrets and lies… and I just couldn't do it anymore! It was difficult to tell Elsa the truth about how I feel about you but believe me, it's better now that everything's out in the open."
"Better that everything's out in the open?" Maria repeated in disbelief. "And you're wanting me to come over to the villa when she knows? Georg, are you insane? I can't do that when I-I… when we… we almost… oh god… the Baroness and oh, what she must think of me…?"
"Maria," Georg shifted slightly closer to her. He lowered his voice. "Elsa doesn't blame you, and even though she was furious with me at the time, she doesn't blame me either."
Maria frowned. "I'm confused."
Georg ran his hand through his hair and let out a deep breath. "You see, Elsa has known for a long time just how you and I feel about each other – she's known probably longer than we've known ourselves! During last summer when you were the governess, she could see the growing attraction between us even when we couldn't see it ourselves. Maria…" Georg paused, "Elsa told me what she did and what she said to you the night of the party."
Maria gasped. "She did?"
Georg nodded. "I know you didn't want me to know why you left that night, but I'm glad I know now."
Maria bowed her head in thought but then shook it slowly with confusion. "There's something I don't understand: if the Baroness knew all along how we felt about each other, then why did she marry you?"
Georg let out a callous laugh. "Well, that's Elsa for you: ignoring the reality and manipulating the situation just to get the prize. Me." He snorted. "It was stupid, reckless, idiotic… but Elsa's now realised that she should've backed away gracefully once she knew that I was never in love with her. I think that's why she doesn't blame either of us for what happened in the apartment that day; Elsa blames herself for keeping us apart in the first place."
"But that doesn't change the fact of what we did," Maria said feeling defeated, her eyes still lowered.
"I know," Georg replied softly. There were a few moments of silence before Georg continued. "Maria, I understand how hard this must be for you and I really do care about your feelings. If you truly don't want to come, then I'll understand and I won't force you. But the sisters at the abbey taught you about repentance and forgiveness, didn't they?" he asked. Maria nodded weakly, not looking at him. "I know Elsa is wanting to apologise for what she said to you the night of the party and perhaps this is your opportunity to make amends with her in return. What does the Reverend Mother always say? 'When the Lord closes a door, somewhere he opens a window.' Well?"
Georg bent his neck slightly so to try and make eye contact with Maria. Her eyes locked with his and she gave him a faint nod. "So that's settled then." Georg declared.
"But what about the children?" asked Maria. "Won't they notice that something is up between us?"
"Probably not. They don't need to know anything about this," answered Georg. "They'll just be thrilled to see you. To be honest, in all likelihood, Elsa won't be spending much time with the children while you're visiting. As for you and I, well… we both know how things need to be." He paused, gently covering her hand with his own. Their eyes met for a brief second in silent understanding. Georg cleared his throat and quickly removed his hand. "We're just friends, and nothing more. But if it makes it less awkward, I'll make myself scarce too during your visit. That way you can just enjoy your time with the children without being reminded of me, or the mess we've found ourselves in."
"That sounds like the best idea," she agreed. "Alright, I'll come. It'll be wonderful to see the children again, although I don't know when I can make it. It's not going to be easy."
"What do you mean? I seem to recall you used to have every Tuesday off from looking after the children."
"I used to," explained Maria, "but lately their parents have needed me to look after the children every day since they've been very anxious about keeping their business open with so many threats against them since they are Jewish."
Georg furrowed his brow. "Has anything serious happened?"
"No, I don't think so. Not yet anyway, but many of their Jewish friends have either been threatened or run out of town. I think they feel it's just a matter of time before it happens to them too."
Georg felt worried knowing the current political situation and the increasing distrust of the Jews. "Do you need me to see whether I can help at all? I may not have as much influence around town as I once had, with the impending Nazi regime and all, but I still might be able to be of assistance."
"Oh, I don't want to put you to any trouble," Maria immediately protested.
"It won't be any trouble, I can assure you."
"Well… alright," she agreed reluctantly. "I can ask them, thank you, Georg."
"Now how about I drive all of you back home?" suggested Georg, noticing that the children had finished their game and were making their way back towards them. "I can speak to your employers about stealing you away for a bit so you can visit the children and also see what I can do to help them with their current situation. Not to mention that I'll finally know where you live, rather than just aimlessly search the parks of Salzburg each time I need to find you!"
XxXxXxXxXxXx
Ruth and Ezekiel were very pleased to make Georg's acquaintance, especially after hearing for so many months all the stories of the von Trapp children. They were also very thankful for Georg's offer of assistance, even though there was not much he was able to do to help them at the present. After Georg explained the situation of the Baroness's illness and her desire for Maria to visit the children to cheer them up, they were more than happy for Maria to take an afternoon off to go and see the von Trapp children back at the villa.
A few days afterwards, Georg arrived to pick Maria up to take her back to the villa, even though she had tried to convince him that she was perfectly capable to catching the bus through town. Georg chatted pleasantly to Maria during the first part of the car trip, telling her about the various exhausting outings he'd done with the children since they'd arrived home from boarding school. But then they fell into an unnatural silence for the rest of the journey. Georg seemed distracted and aloof again, and she couldn't blame him. The situation with her returning to von Trapp villa was such that perhaps putting a bit of distance between them wasn't a bad idea. In fact, it probably made it easier for her, knowing that she was soon to be face-to-face with the Baroness again and facing up to the things that had happened between them all in the past.
Georg drove through the gates of the villa and around the turning circle to park right outside the front door. Maria gazed up at the imposing façade of the house and she had the same overwhelming feeling that she'd had the first time she'd arrived there. Oh help… she thought.
Georg turned off the car but didn't get out straight away. Instead, he turned to face her. "Now the children don't know you're coming – it's a surprise. So we'll go inside and I'll leave you for a moment while I go and find them and then I'll come back and bring you out before I make myself scarce. How does that sound?" Maria nodded in agreement.
"One more thing," Georg continued. "I'm not sure whether Elsa is able to join us this afternoon. She really isn't feeling well enough for visitors to be honest, but I'll check in with her now we're back. She may change her mind, however, especially since she really wants to see you." Maria gave a faint nod. She was feeling anxious about meeting with the Baroness the entire car trip over to the villa.
Georg flashed Maria a reassuring smile, as he knew she was nervous, then he got out of the car before opening the car door for Maria. He unlocked the front door and Maria was pleased to find that Franz was nowhere to be found. Georg asked her to wait in the grand hallway while he went in search of the children.
Standing alone in the grand hallway, Maria took a moment to look around and drink in her surroundings. Although it had been almost a year since she'd been there, it was like she was there only yesterday. She could almost hear the Edelweiss waltz playing in her head as she remembered the last time she had stood in that spot. Glancing over to one side, she saw the small hall stand where she'd placed the note she'd left for Georg as she fled the party those many months ago. And looking over in the other direction, she spied the closed doors that led to the ballroom.
Maria couldn't help herself: she had to go and take a quick look. Opening the door a crack, she poked her head in like she had done on her very first day at the villa. Her vision was full of the beautiful gilded gold patterned walls and the glorious chandeliers that hung from the ceiling. She took several steps into the room so she could see beyond the ballroom, through the closed French doors, the patio terrace where she and Georg had danced the Laendler together. So many memories.
Maria closed her eyes and began to hum the tune that playing inside her head and unconsciously, she found herself beginning to sway in time with the imaginary music. Raising her arms slightly to dance with a pretend partner, she spun around the room several times before plunging down to the ground in a grand curtsy. She was just about to rise and continue her dance when…
SLAM!
The ballroom doors were flung open with a loud bang and when Maria opened her eyes and looked up, all she could see was her Captain silhouetted against the open doorway.
She quickly straightened up, feeling her cheeks burning red at being caught once more snooping in the ballroom. But this time, Georg didn't look angry in the slightest, in fact, he looked mildly amused to find her there. "Need I remind you that there are certain rooms in this house which are not to be disturbed?" he remarked dryly, a sly smile on his lips.
"Yes, Captain," she replied, trying to suppress a grin.
Remembering the previous time they'd had that encounter, Georg felt tempted to ask Maria to turn and spin on the spot, so he could inspect her outfit. She wore a lovely summer dress that was far more appropriate than the ugly dress she'd worn last summer that even the poor didn't want. However, he stopped himself before he did. He knew that he had to show restraint whenever Maria was around and maintain distance between them. It was the only way he was going to get through her visits. Instead, he inclined his head towards the back terrace door.
"Now the children are waiting outside on the terrace. Shall we?" he asked and he led the way through the hallway to the outside door and onto the terrace.
Maria hovered behind him nervously as he called them over. "Children, your surprise is here…"
Within seconds, Maria was pounced upon by seven excited children who were screaming her name at the top of their lungs.
A/N: I can't believe it's been around 2 and a half years since I've updated this. No, this story hasn't been forgotten - I've just been busy with other things. The rest of the story is all mapped out and I'm hoping to continue writing it soon and get it finished.
Re-reading through many of the past reviews and PM's for this story, I know that this story is quite emotional and there has been a bit of a divided response. While it will continue to be emotional, I'm hoping that I'll slowly start to redeem these characters as the story progresses.
I hope readers are still with me for this story (especially after such a hiatus). Please let me know your thoughts and send me a review.