When The Lord Closes A Door
Chapter 15
Maria saw the three older von Trapp girls walking towards her in the garden and she knew she only had seconds to compose herself. She blinked several times, swallowed hard then put a bright smile on her face.
"Girls," she said warmly as she joined them. "Having a nice walk? It's a beautiful day for it."
"Yes, we are Fraulein," Liesl replied carefully as she flicked her eyes towards Brigitta and Louisa.
"And you, Fraulein?" added Brigitta, her eyebrows raised in question. "Were you also having a nice walk? With Father?" Liesl's eyes widened at Brigitta's slightly bold remark and she nudged her in the ribs with her elbow.
Maria paused for a second and took a moment to scan each of the girls faces for any sign that they had overheard any of what she'd been speaking about with Georg. But they revealed nothing. She decided to play dumb as well. She gave a little bow of her head. "Yes, in fact Brigitta. I did have a nice walk with your father."
"You were talking to him for a long time," remarked Louisa somewhat pointedly and Liesl threw her a death scare as if to silently yell at her to shut up.
But Maria was not put off by their comments. "Your father and I are friends, Louisa. And there is nothing wrong with speaking with one's friends, is there?"
"Of course not, Fraulein," Louisa replied. Liesl then glanced cautiously at her two sisters before speaking too. "We only ask, Fraulein, because you looked a little upset. Is everything alright?"
Maria tried to disguise her surprise that the girls would so openly ask her that. She gave a little dismissive wave and a short laugh before replying. "Oh girls, you know how it is with your father… one minute we're arguing over play clothes made out of old drapes, and the next he is pleasant and friendly and playing songs on the guitar for you all."
When she saw that the three girls didn't appear to be convinced, she decided to elaborate somewhat, yet Maria knew she still had to be vague enough to conceal the real purpose behind her conversation with Georg. "No girls, I just had to ask your father's advice on something and we just had a difference of opinion. Nothing for you all to worry about."
"But…" Brigitta opened her mouth to question her but Maria put one hand up sternly, stopping her.
"Now Brigitta, that's all I'm going to say about it. And I don't want you girls starting to talk and gossip either, especially when there is nothing to gossip about. Understand?"
The three girls looked at their feet and nodded solemnly. "Yes, Fraulein," they chorused flatly together.
Maria gave them a warm smile. No matter what was going on in her own life, she loved those girls so much and she didn't want them to worry about her, even though she was incredibly worried herself. "How about we go back and join the others?" Maria suggested. "I'm sure Frau Schmidt will have lunch prepared soon."
The girls nodded and the four of them linked arms as they walked back towards the house.
Lunch was served a little while later and because of the extra guests of not only Maria, but Rebekah, Hannah and Jakob as well, they decided to have a picnic out on the grass in the back garden. Frustratingly for Maria, Georg had decided to join them for lunch as well. She wished he would leave her alone to make her decision. Maria tried to keep all her conversation directed towards the children only and stay clear away from Georg, but she was sure that at least the older von Trapp girls had noticed the tension between them.
Georg's mind had been going a million miles an hour. Even though he knew that there was nothing he could do to stop Maria if she actually decided to leave, he felt he still needed to try and convince her to stay in Salzburg and not go with Ruth and Ezekiel and the children as they fled the city. He believed without a shadow of a doubt that the decision to leave with them was utterly wrong and regardless of any other feelings he had for Maria, he knew he had to convince her of that. Somehow.
After lunch, he tried to catch Maria's eye several times in the hope of talking to her but she seemed determined to avoid him. Finally, out of desperation, he decided to approach her directly.
"Fraulein, if you wouldn't mind, I'd like to have a quick word with you," Georg asked her politely as she was preparing to play a game with the children.
But Maria shook her head, not wanting to talk to him as she knew exactly what he wanted to talk to her about. "I'm sorry Captain, but the children and I were about to play a game," she replied icily.
"Fraulein, please. I insist," Georg replied with a sharp tone to his voice. He was in no mood for her antics, not when her safety was on the line.
At once, ten pairs of eyes was on the pair of them as all the children watched the awkward exchange between the Captain and his former governess take place.
Maria stared him down for several seconds before she reluctantly nodded her head. "Of course, Captain."
Georg gave a little bow and gestured with his hand for her to follow him to the other end of the balcony where they were still in eye-sight of the children but a far enough distance away that they would not be overheard.
Once they were out of ear-shot, Maria narrowed her eyes and hissed at him. "If you're going to try and convince me to change my mind…"
But Georg instantly cut her off. "Maria, you must change your mind. It's not safe what you are contemplating on doing. Please."
"Georg, this is my decision. Not yours," she spat angrily under her breath.
"I know that!" he huffed back, trying to keep his voice low too. But then he stopped and took a deep breath and softened his tone. "Maria, I'm sorry. I don't mean to argue with you, especially in front of the children. It's just…" his voice trailed off as he squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose trying to contain his emotions. Maria could sense his inner turmoil.
At once, Maria's irritation with him subsided. She took a deep breath and bit her lip. "I'm sorry too. I didn't mean to argue with you either. But Georg, this decision is hard enough without you making it more complicated than it already is. Please just leave me to make it alone."
Georg nodded weakly, reluctantly agreeing. "Fine. But I will ask one thing of you: If you do decide to leave, you must tell the children first and say your goodbyes properly. When you left abruptly after the party and only left that horrendous note, it broke their hearts. And I was left to pick up the pieces. Don't do that to them again."
His words hung in the air for several moments before Maria raised her eyes to meet his gaze. Her heart thudded in her chest. Her indecision wasn't doing anyone any good. She knew she had to make a choice, whether or not she could. But as she stared at him, suddenly she knew: this was the moment: the decision had been made.
Maria gave a faint nod of acknowledgement. She swallowed hard before she replied. "Alright. Perhaps I should tell them now then? It might be my only chance to talk to them before Ruth and Ezekiel leave. But the other little ones…?"
"I'll look after them," Georg offered. Maria gave him a grateful smile and made to move off to go and speak to the children. Georg wanted to reach out and grab her hand and reassure her that somehow things would be alright but he knew he couldn't. He'd already crossed the invisible line with her so many times he had lost count.
"Children," Maria announced brightly as she returned to the large group of children. "Perhaps our game can wait? I'd like to talk to you about something important."
"Even us?" Rebekah pipped up. But Maria shook her head.
"No, darling. Not this time as I think Captain von Trapp has something special planned for you three." Maria turned to Georg as he came to stand next to her.
"I thought I'd show you around this incredibly large house," Georg told the three smaller children pleasantly. "There are lots of rooms that no one is allowed to go in plus a couple of secret passages that my children think I don't know about, but I do. How does that sound?" The three little children looked excited at the prospect and dutifully followed Georg back into the house.
Maria turned around to the seven von Trapp children who were looking at her expectedly. "Come on, let's go and find somewhere comfortable to sit." They all moved off into the garden and sat on the grass under one of the large oak trees.
As seven faces looked at her in anticipation, Maria suddenly found herself tongue-tied, not quite knowing where to begin. It was going to be a lot harder to say goodbye in person that it had been writing her goodbyes in that pathetic note the year before. But she knew it had to be done.
Maria sucked in a deep breath and began. "Well, children, what I wanted to tell you is this: I was thinking of going away…"
"Away? Where are you going?" Kurt asked.
"I'm not sure," Maria replied honestly.
"Well, when will you be back?" asked Friedrich.
Maria paused. It broke her heart to say the words. "I don't know. But it may not be for a very long time."
At once, Gretl burst into tears and climbed into Maria's lap. The little girl wrapped her arms around Maria's neck, burrowed her head into her chest and sobbed hard. Maria stroked her hair in an attempt to sooth her but Gretl just sobbed harder.
"Fraulein Maria, you can't go, you just can't!" Marta wailed as well. As Maria looked at the remaining children, she saw the older girls had tears in their eyes too and both Kurt and Friedrich looked like they were struggling to hold in their emotions.
"Please say you won't go," Friedrich pleaded. "We'll miss you too much."
"And I'll miss you all too," Maria replied, struggling not to cry herself.
Liesl furrowed her brow in confusion. "Fraulein, why are you leaving? I thought you loved living in Salzburg."
"I do, Liesl. I've lived here all my life and on the Untersberg mountain. I breaks my heart to possibly leave you all but..."
"But why do you have to go?" asked Brigitta. "We need you here. With us."
Maria looked between the seven children whom she knew needed answers. She didn't want to go into too many of the details but she had to tell them something. She inhaled deeply before she began to explain. "Well children, you all know that I've been governess to those three children for the last year and I love them dearly…"
"And they love you too, Fraulein Maria," Marta said, tugging on Maria's sleave. "Like we love you."
"I know that, Marta," Maria replied warmly and gently stroked the young girls hair. "But," Maria continued, her voice starting to tremble slightly. "B-but something has happened and they are going to leave Salzburg very soon…"
"Oh no!"
"What's happened?"
"Are they alright?"
While the children all had their questions, Maria gestured for them to quiet down "Darlings, I'm sorry I can't tell you. But they've asked me to go with them…"
"And you're going to go?" concluded Louisa.
Maria nodded but then shook her head before shrugging noncommittedly. "Well, maybe. I'm still making up my mind."
"Is this what you were talking to Father about earlier?" Liesl asked seriously. Maria was surprised that Liesl was so perceptive, and it did occur to Maria to fob her off, yet she knew she had to tell the truth. She nodded faintly.
"He doesn't want you to go?" Brigitta probed, flicking her eyes at Louisa and giving her a 'look' that sort of said 'see, I told you so'.
Maria shook her head. "No, he doesn't. Your father knows just how much you children would want me to stay, and I can see that he was right. But more than that, he's worried it may be dangerous."
"Dangerous how, Fraulein?" Liesl asked.
Maria sighed. How could she tell the children about the horrors she'd witnessed the night before? Or her fears about the Jewish family she'd come to know and love as they prepared to escape Austria knowing the torture they would potentially face if they were caught? Even her own fears about her own uncertain future if she was to go with them? No, Maria knew she couldn't tell the children about any of that.
Instead, she decided to be vague. "It's becoming a dangerous world, Liesl. For so many people these days, things are not safe."
"But if it's so dangerous, why are you going to leave?"
Seeing the seven tear-streaked faces in front of her pleading with her not to go, Maria was suddenly conflicted about her decision. While she knew she really had no choice but to leave, she was unsure about whether it was the right decision. Maybe the decision hasn't really been made? Maria knew she still had a lot of thinking to do. "Honestly children," Maria sighed. "It's complicated. There are so many things to consider. But your father and I felt it was the right thing to do to speak to you children now and tell you what was happening as I know just how much I hurt you all by leaving a year ago without even saying goodbye properly."
"We don't want you to say goodbye, Fraulein Maria," Gretl sobbed as she curled up again in Maria's lap.
"I know, darling," Maria hugged Gretl back. Marta shuffled over and manoeuvred herself under Maria's other arm for a hug, while the other five children looked at her devastated.
Barely a minute later, Georg came down the stairs from the back veranda to the garden, seeking them all out. "I'm afraid I have to interrupt and cut this short, Fraulein," he began. "But I've just received a phone call from your employer. You and the children are required back home immediately. I'm sorry." Maria's eyes met Georg's and she gave a faint nod.
As she stood up, all seven children surrounded her, trying to hug her all at once. Maria squeezed her eyes shut, trying her hardest not to cry as she embraced them. She swallowed against the hard lump that had formed in her throat. But finally, Maria needed to break apart from them.
Georg had rounded up the other three children and they were waiting for her at the car at the front of the house. Maria gave the seven von Trapp children final hugs goodbye as they begged her to reconsider and stay with them before she reluctantly got into the front seat of the car as Georg started the motor. The car trip back to her employers house was conducted in complete silence as Maria sat with her hands covering her face, a combination of trying to control her emotions and trying to handle the many thoughts that were racing through her head.
Once they were back at the shop, Maria took the children upstairs to start to pack, while Georg stayed to speak to Ezekiel.
"Captain," Ezekiel said as he shook Georg's hand. "I appreciate you having Fraulein Maria and the children today. It has been a great help, especially in light of everything that has happened overnight."
"Not at all," Georg replied. "I am sorry to hear that this has happened to you. It is an abomination what is happening all across Austria at the moment. I was truly appalled when Fraulein Maria told me about the break in last night and the assault. Are you both alright?"
Ezekiel nodded. "Yes, but it could have been worse, sir. I think the moment has come for us to leave Salzburg."
Georg nodded, knowing that Maria had told him the same thing. "Is there anything I can do to help?" he asked.
But Ezekiel shook his head. "No, I don't think so. We were hoping to be able to leave tonight, however, it has proved difficult to get train tickets out of Salzburg. The ticket master at the station this afternoon required to see our identification cards, but after seeing our Jewish registration status, he refused the sale, so I don't know what other options we have. I suspect the bus tickets would be the same, so possibly there isn't any other option but to leave on foot."
Georg shook his head and thought for a moment. "No, don't try leaving on foot. Look, I still have some respect and influence in the city. I may be able to help. I can see what I can arrange for train tickets for later tonight. I recommend getting as far away from Austria and Germany as possible. Perhaps travelling into either Italy or towards France may be your best options."
Ezekiel looked relieved. "Captain, I can't thank you enough for all your assistance. It is nice to know that we still have friends and allies in this city."
"Of course," Georg replied.
"I wish there was something I could do to repay you," Ezekiel said.
Georg paused for a moment, knowing he shouldn't say what he was about to say, but yet, he knew that he needed to say it anyway. "There is something you can do for me, sir," Georg began, turning around and beginning to pace, the fingers of his left hand starting to twitch in agitation. "It's about Fraulein Maria. I understand you've asked her to go with you family…"
"Yes, we have," Ezekiel replied cautiously.
"While I understand that your family has no choice but to leave, I do wish you'd reconsider taking Fraulein Maria with you. The journey you and your family are about to take on is extremely risky and dangerous, and I don't believe it's in Fraulein Maria's best interests to be put in that precarious position."
Ezekiel put up on hand, stopping Georg. "Captain, I appreciate your concerns, but the decision is up to Fraulein Maria. However, I will speak to her about your reservations."
"No, please don't tell her that I spoke to you. We've already had a discussion about the matter and she doesn't want me interfering in her decision."
"Very well, Captain. I'll be discrete when I speak to her."
"I appreciate that sir. Now, I'll go down to the train station now and see what I can arrange for your family to ensure that you leave Salzburg as soon as possible." The two men shook hands again before Georg left the shop for the train station.
At the ticket booth, Georg found out there was a train due to depart Salzburg later that evening, just after 11pm bound for Innsbruck. Georg knew from there, the family would be able to cross the border into Italy relatively easily. Georg managed to be discrete using his rank and reputation and obtain six tickets. He was tempted to only buy five tickets, which would mean that Maria would have to stay behind. But he wanted to respect her wishes, even if he didn't agree with them. Georg returned to the antique shop to give Ezekiel the tickets and promised to return later that evening to assist with getting the family to the train station and ensure they had no issues departing.
Georg then returned to the villa where he was met by seven miserable faces. Georg wished that he could have had good news for his children but despite his hopes that Maria would change her mind, nothing he could say to his children would cheer them up. Georg then went upstairs to speak to Elsa about the whole situation. Elsa had been having a particularly bad day that day and even though Georg was extremely worried about her due to her failing health, true to his word to her several months earlier, he always told Elsa everything that went on between him and Maria and this situation was no exception. Elsa was horrified when she'd found out what had happened to the family and that Maria was planning on leaving. Elsa immediately agreed with Georg that he must do everything in his power to convince Maria to stay.
Shortly before 11pm, Georg arrived back at the antique shop to find the whole family packed and ready to go. They only had a small amount of hand luggage to carry which Georg knew would mean they could travel relatively easily. Georg said nothing as he saw that Maria had also packed her small carpet bag. His heart sank. He tried to catch her eye but she wouldn't look at him.
The short drive to the station was done in silence and Georg could feel the apprehension and nerves from the entire family as they travelled. The train station was dark and deserted as they waited for the train to arrive. While they were waiting, Ezekiel turned to Georg and held out his hand. Georg shook it.
"Once again, Captain, I am in your debt. The kindness you have shown my family, I truly appreciate it."
"It was my pleasure," Georg replied and he took Ruth's hand and gave it a kiss as they said goodbye. "Now, sir. I don't know what your plans are after you get to Italy, but if you make it as far north as England, please contact these people." Georg took out a small notebook out of his jacket breast pocket and a pen and scribbled a name and address on a piece of paper then gave it to Ezekiel. "They are my late-wife's family. They will help."
"Thank you Captain, but I'm afraid, I don't speak English."
"That won't be a problem: the Whiteheads speak German fluently. I will let them know that you may contact them for assistance. And please also, take this." Georg handed them an envelope of money. It was not much in the scheme of things, but it would made a difference.
"Captain, once again, I cannot thank you enough for your help." Ezekiel grasped Georg's hand and bowed his head respectfully. "Children," Ezekiel turned to the three small children standing holding Maria's hand. "Say goodbye to the Captain."
"Good bye Captain!" the three children chorused as Georg opened his arms to them and the three children hugged him together.
A moment later, they heard the unmistakable sound of the train starting to arrive at the station. Knowing they only had moments left together, Georg turned to Maria, not knowing what to say to her, or how to say goodbye. His heart was in his throat. There were so many things he wished he could say to her, so many things that he knew he could not say to her: all the things he felt about her, how much he loved her and everything he regretted about what had happened between them, how sorry he was, and how he wished things could have been different between them. Maria looked like she was struggling too, but she wouldn't meet his eyes.
As the train pulled into the station, Ezekiel stepped forward and took Maria's hands in his own. "Fraulein Maria, I want to thank you for the love and kindness you have shown my children. You brought music into the house and so much joy and love in the past year that you've lived with us. I respect your decision not to come with us and I wish you the best of luck in the future."
Georg felt his heart stop for a moment. Wait? Maria had decided not to go with the family? He didn't understand. Only hours earlier, she was determined to go with them, and now she was not? He wondered what had happened to change her mind.
Maria still wouldn't meet his eyes as he gawked at her open-mouthed. Instead, she stepped forward to hug the three children she'd cared for the past year, before embracing both Ruth and Ezekiel quickly. Maria wiped the tears from her cheeks with the back of her hand as the family boarded the train. A moment later, the doors of the train closed and the train quickly departed, leaving Georg and Maria alone.
There was uncomfortable silence as they stood together at the darkened train station. Maria stared straight ahead, trying desperately not to look at him, tears still streaming down her face.
Finally, Georg broke the silence. "What changed your mind?" he asked gently. "This afternoon, you were so determined…"
Maria shook her head slowly, like she didn't know how to begin. "Lots of things eventually," she replied through her sobs. "The potentially danger, the children, and even you…" she finally turned her face to look at him. "But then also both Ruth and Ezekiel spoke to me and told me it was alright for me not to feel obliged to go with them, that they didn't want to put me in danger…" she paused, looking down at her feet. "You said something to them, didn't you?" She flicked her eyes towards him.
Georg thought about denying it, but he knew he had to be honest with her. He nodded faintly. "I knew I shouldn't interfere, but I couldn't help myself. I was desperate…"
"Georg," Maria said, her tone soft. "I know and I understand. I do. The truth was, I was looking for an excuse to go, rather than searching for a reason to stay. In the end, I knew that I had more reasons to stay and few excuses to go. Plus I was frightened…"
"Frightened?"
Maria gazed upwards, willing the tears to stop flowing. "Of everything: of going, of staying. My feelings. Everything that has happened between us. I wanted to run. I wanted to hide. But the Reverend Mother once told me that I shouldn't run away and hide from my problems, I need to face them. Plus, I knew I would miss the children."
"Only the children?"
She looked at him wearily. "Georg, you can't ask me that…"
"I know and I'm sorry," he apologised. "So what now?"
Maria shrugged and sighed in defeat. "Honestly, I don't know. I really haven't thought through this properly – what happens now and all that. It's the middle of the night and I have nowhere to go. Maybe the best thing is for you to take me to the Abbey. I didn't think I would ever go back there, but it appears I have no choice."
Georg clicked his tongue against his teeth as he thought, his fingers tapping on his leg and wiggling unconsciously. He was in a bind because he knew what he should do and what he shouldn't do, but it was the middle of the night and he had limited options for Maria.
"Maria," Georg began. "Look, I know it's not my place in any way, shape or form to give you advice on this. Perhaps it is the best thing to go back to the Mother Abbess for help going forward, but as you said, it's the middle of the night and I don't feel I can just drop you off there at this ungodly hour. It would go against everything in my character and my conscience. Please, come back to the villa, just for tonight – we have more than enough space there, and tomorrow I'll take you to the Abbey and speak to the Reverend Mother myself about getting you set up for another position. I won't leave you alone and destitute, but I won't ask anymore of you than I have to. Please."
Maria could see the wisdom of what he was proposing and, in the middle of the night at a darkened and deserted train station, it was the only option that made sense. Yet still, she was hesitant.
"What about the Baroness? What would she say about this situation?"
Georg understood Maria's concerned but he wanted to reassure her. "Maria, I spoke to Elsa when I returned to the villa earlier this evening before I came back to bring you all to the train station. I told her everything that had been going on with your employer, the assault and their plans to leave Salzburg. She agreed with me about wanting you to stay in Salzburg and away from danger. In fact, she brought up the suggestion herself of you coming back to stay at the villa, although I told her you wouldn't accept."
Maria stared at the ground, shuffling her feet uncomfortably as she pondered what he just told her.
Georg could see she was still unconvinced. "Maria, if you came back and stayed at the villa, even if it was just for tonight, it may give you the opportunity in the morning you'd been hoping for to speak to Elsa. I'm worried about her health and I fear she doesn't have much time left, and I think both of you need to get this resolved, before it's too late."
Knowing desperately just how much it had been weighing on her mind that she still needed to speak to the Baroness, everything Georg said made sense. So Maria nodded and picked up her bag. "Alright, let's go."
Georg led the way to the car and began the drive back to the villa.
A/N: Thanks for all the many reviews and continued support. The email system here seems to have been down for the past month or so so receiving notifications has been difficult, nevertheless, I'd still love to hear what you thought of the chapter and the journey that both Maria and Georg are taking in this story. An emotional chapter is coming up next, so I hope everyone will keep reading!