26th December 2017

For someone who "can't do anything", she had gotten a lot done today, Utahime thought with all the miffed indignation she could muster after working her ass off all day. It was still the holiday season, the indecisive time in between the old year that was not quite done and the new year that had not yet started, but, according to the people in charge, far more important than contemplating faulty decisions and mistakes made in the past was to continue acting as if nothing had happened.

Gakuganji had called her three times to request her presence at school for this charade. He had even made an appearance himself this morning, walking up and down the corridors at irregular intervals, thumping his cane on the wooden floors to mark his presence. Most of the students were here too, doing training sessions on the grounds, their haunted looks making the knot in Utahime's heart tighten even further.

You're not to talk about the incident, Gakuganji had instructed her with one rheumatic finger in the air. Or there will be consequences.

He even felt the need to threaten her? Her? One of the most harmless people ever to walk the halls of Kyoto Jujutsu High? It made no sense. Who exactly were they trying to fool? Themselves? Her students had been there too! They knew what had happened!

The non-sorcerer newspapers talked about a national disaster, an unexpected downburst that had destroyed parts of Tokyo and Kyoto, a very rare extreme weather event. Fair enough, they needed to explain damage without ever seeing the curses - she couldn't blame them much. Far more problematic were the lies spread by the sorcerer news channels: about how this "minor" incident was caused by a series of "rogue curses" acting on their own. Utahime had not been aware of the amount of control the ones in power had over the media. Why were they so reluctant to engage with the human tragedy that had caused this?

One of our own. Geto Suguru.

Maybe because even just mentioning him would force everyone to think about their own failings. Maybe it was the fear that one of them slipping into darkness meant others would follow? It was true, there was nothing, nothing at all to prevent others from going down the same path. The line between sanity and insanity was too thin, especially for Special Grade Sorcerers.

"It comes from having to control all that cursed energy," Shoko had once explained to Utahime. "Even if they don't necessarily realize it, their brains can never fully rest. It takes such a strain."

None of them were normal. Non sorcerers? They got therapy. That option did not exist for Sorcerers, because they could deal with everything themselves - were they not incredibly skilled individuals? Another foolish attempt at pretending everything was fine and nobody had any problems.

Speaking of thin lines and borderline insanity, still not a word about Gojo "Biggest Jackass Alive" Satoru, from no one. No, she wasn't worried about him of course. Not even when Gakuganji declared that he had to leave for Tokyo on urgent Council business and that he would leave her in "charge of school routines".

That urgent Council business was about Geto's missing body, It had to be.

The dirty shoes, the scraped fingers ...Gojo dug a grave with his bare hands... her throat constricting, Utahime concentrated on his insulting words so she wouldn't weep for him. Will they dig the body up as soon as he tells them where it is?

She buried her face in her hands. It was just terrible. Since Geto's role in their recent calamity was not spoken of just yet, Gojo's role need not be mentioned either. But someone sly had thought ahead of time: Of course it had to be Gojo who ended Geto and of course this would be exploited as soon as it became necessary. This will be used as proof that the Jujutsu Society is not falling apart, that everything is still in order. Gojo from one of the Big Three, ending the nobody from a non-Sorcerer family. They will use this to prove that Gojo Satoru is on the right side, that he killed with no hesitation to restore the order of things.

Quite likely they wanted Gojo to pose with Geto's dead body in a dramatic photoshoot.

At 6pm, her stomach upset and her head pounding, Utahime decided to call it a day. She was bone-tired.

"I'm going home," she declared into the emptiness of the corridor. "What a normal day this was!"

Stepping into the wet, cold night while pulling her scarf more tightly around her neck, Utahime pondered making a detour via the post office to post the letter she carried in her pocket - but then decided against it. It was addressed to Gojo's Aunt Narumi: A letter full of polite, empty verbiage, a thank you for a friendly Christmas card, nothing more. A ruder person than herself would not have written it at all, the further away she stayed from Gojo's family, the better.

Maybe she wouldn't post it at all.

Only that she felt like the ties of destiny were pulling at her incessantly, that she had been caught in an invisible net of somebody else's will - and that writing letters like these might reveal what this was all about. Her father had warned her, had he not? About the Gojos and the Ioris, about the feud that was generations old. Tit for tat, back and forth, back and forth... it was impossible to escape such karma.

The rough encounter with Gojo the previous night had made her remember her dreams. She had reason to believe she had them rather frequently. About Gojo Satoru in the form of his ancestor Michizane Sugawara. He was terrible and frightening, cold, cruel, and thoroughly hateful. And yet, she submitted to him every single time, with no resistance, lost her dignity, her will, became a simpering, needy bitch in heat ... it was so shameful she had cried bitter tears of self-loathing this morning.

"I never want to see you again!" Her shaking fingers had typed as soon as she had collected herself and when she pressed send, she shouted a string of insults at her screen that he'd never hear but that made her feel a little better.

Gojo had left her 'on read'.

It was so typical and so infuriating and she screamed and kicked his slippers through her apartment when she could no longer hold her fury in, picked them up and threw them into the bin ... only to later take them out again because there were other men with large feet and they had cost her more than 3000 ¥.

Of course he'd leave her 'on read'. What had she expected?

"Why am I still thinking about him?" Utahime gritted her teeth, deciding to walk home instead of taking the bus to clear her head. She considered having a drink or five at the Pig & Whistle, her favorite sports bar, then dismissed that too, she wasn't in the mood to drink in public and be ogled by men. Besides, things with Kenji, her sort-of ex, felt a little weird - she had reason to believe he was still jealous of Gojo. Or again jealous? Oh, whatever!

I hate men. At least some of them. Especially Gojo Satoru.

"Asshole," Utahime hissed, scaring a middle-aged man who was probably on his way home to his wife.

Ten minutes after she had reached her cold apartment - the landlord still wasn't back - Utahime's phone rang and for a very short moment, her breath hitched, that's how stupid she was.

It was "only" Nanami.

"Nanami? What is it?" Utahime had to swallow hard. Please don't let it be something bad, please. "I'm sorry, I don't know where Gojo is."

"Ah. That is not why I am calling you, Senpai - though it is a vexing thing, his disappearances."

Oh? Someone was ready to talk about Gojo and his weird ass behavior!? Too surprised by his answer, she didn't know what to say. Disappearances, plural. So he had been back and disappeared again? Actually, that was his normal behavior. Only very stupid people were worried about him.

"Are you available tonight, perchance, Iori Senpai? I had an appointment in Kyoto earlier and could pick you up for dinner."

Dinner? Confused, Utahime looked at her watch. It was past 7pm. Now that she thought about it - she was a little hungry. But ... do something as mundane as going out to eat after what had happened a mere two days ago?

This is probably part of that thing where everybody pretends nothing has happened.

"I made a reservation at Muni Alain Ducasse."

That was... a very fancy place with French food, wasn't it? Utahime threw a glance at her reflection in the mirror. Good god.

"You cannot just assume someone is ready to go to such a restaurant at short notice, Nanami!" She complained. "Most women would want to get their hair done professionally for such an occasion! And what if I have nothing to wear?"

"You look good in whatever you choose, Iori Senpai," Nanami said matter-of-factly. "I will pick you up at 7.30, in case there's traffic."

Good in whatever I choose, huh? Flatterer.

Utahime inspected the meager selection of elegant clothes in her wardrobe, quickly settling on the black sequin dress. This style was so out of fashion it might be about to make a come-back soon. Her choice of earrings and necklaces was just as limited but why not wear the fake rubies for a bit of color. She brushed her hair until it crackled, fingered a ribbon then threw it into the bin. It was the one Gojo had given her and she'd rather wear her hair open for the rest of her life then tie it with one of his ribbons. The other of which she had tied around his eyes last night. A bit of make-up around the eyes, a bit of powder to cover up the worst of the scar ... ready!

At 7.30pm sharp, Nanami rang the doorbell.

"It's good to see you!" Utahime moved forward to hug him because she felt a rush of tenderness at the sight of him but Nanami looked so flustered, she held herself back and just smiled fondly. "It's been too long," she added.

His super-fast red car had been the tragic key prop in a staged car accident earlier this year but he had since gotten a new one, this time in flashy green. Nanami opened the door for her and closed it gently once she was seated, not saying a word. He had always been a little stiff, it was part of his charm, but Utahime had been under the impression that they had moved to a somewhat more easy stage of camaraderie? After all, Nanami was one of the few who knew about Gojo and his pact with Michizane Sugawara - and Utahime's role in it.

"It's a nice new car," she smiled at him, attempting to break the ice again. "Almost more comfortable than the old one."

"Thank you, Senpai," he replied, "I did have the comfort of fellow passengers in mind when I chose it."

Okay, fine. The ice wouldn't be broken. After that, they rode in silence.

The Muni was a hotel in the Arashiyama district with a view of the Togetsukyo Bridge and Katsura River. Utahime would never not feel out of place in such upscale places, but Nanami took her arm like the gentleman he was and led her through the front door and into the exclusive restaurant which was open onto a dry Japanese garden like it was completely normal to be here.

There was a set menu with a selection of intimidating choices: Broccolini from Kagoshima cooked with black truffle. Marinated seasonal shellfish, green peas and gold caviar. Blue lobster from Cotentin with vanilla, glazed rhubarb. Beef from Kagoshima, grilled with olive wood, green asparagus, bone marrow and red pepper condiment. Nanami chose a different wine to accompany every course, discussing the options with the sommelier in detail, who was developing a fast crush on him judging from the way her cheeks grew rosier as the evening progressed.

Utahime had thought - hoped maybe - that Nanami would talk about the events of the 24th December. He didn't. Nanami was formal, correct. Nice, actually, trying to lighten the mood with small talk about non-sorcerer politics and economics. Also, he smiled occasionally, which threw Utahime off a little. What was there to smile about? Actually, it was a fond, quiet kind of smile and that made her uncomfortable.

"Have you heard from Chia?" She confronted him all of a sudden.

That was the widowed wife of Gojo's cousin. The widow that they had helped escape the Gojo family estate so she wouldn't have to marry Gojo satoru, following archaic customs. Who had a child who was the family line's back up - a vessel for Gojo's powers in case he suddenly died.

"Why would you ask that, Utahime Senpai?" Nanami looked taken aback. "We agreed on no contact. It is too dangerous."

"You realize that Gojo has the ability to find her if he wants," she frowned.

"Then I hope he will continue not to want to find them."

The awkwardness only increased after that. After some tiny pieces of cheese and before the dessert, Utahime reached her limit.

"What are we doing here, Nanami?" None of the reasons she could think of made much sense.

"I am sorry for overstepping, Senpai. I thought you deserved to go somewhere nice. Are you uncomfortable? Do you want to leave?"

"No! No, I'm sorry. You are very kind. I guess I'm just... in a ... mood...?"

He looked like he was trying to formulate the right reply while she chided herself for always trying to explain herself because she was too aware of other people's feelings instead of her own when Nanami kind of froze, his eyes fixating on a point behind her head.

"Gojo just came in, didn't he," she sighed. It was a statement, not a question.

Utahima didn't have to turn around, she could feel his massive cursed energy rolling towards her like a tsunami. He knew very well how to dim it so that people with normal powers wouldn't be overwhelmed. Obviously, he didn't want to.

As she pondered what mood he might be in, she realized that Nanami did not look surprised. He looked relieved.

"You went out with me to draw him out?!"

Nanami? Nice, proper Nanami would do something like that? She wasn't sure whether to be impressed or insulted.

"I am so very sorry it looks like this, Iori Senpai," Nanami bowed to her, his ears turning red as he pushed his chair back and put his napkin on the table. "I believe Gojo Senpai has come with orders for me."

He disappeared from her field of view with hasty steps. Her eyes stubbornly trained on the garden panorama before her even though it was way too dark to see anything, she refused to turn around. Mechanically moving the spoon from the chocolate cake to her mouth, she braced herself.

Funny that he walked without a sound but that she could smell him when he got closer.

He flopped down opposite of her on Nanami's vacated chair, stretching his long legs. His face was neutral behind the black blindfold, the uniform recently ironed. He looks put together. Good. I can't deal with him when he's vulnerable like last night.

"You should have told me you're into fine dining," he remarked. "I could have bought you a much better meal. At the original Alain Ducasse at the Le Meurice in Paris."

Better and better. If he was in his bratty asshole mode, she surely wouldn't start to feel sorry for him again.

"Where is Nanami?" She snapped.

"He left. On an important mission."

Now she turned around to check, finding the room empty. She couldn't believe this. Nanami had just left her here? Alone? With... with... him?

"I told you I don't want to see you ever again," she swiveled back around.

"I didn't take that seriously. You didn't mean that."

She gasped. "Yes I did. I want you to leave right now."

"But I'm going to pay the bill for you. And I want to eat some dessert. Did you know they make their own chocolate here?"

"I refuse to let you pay!"

"Oh? That's very generous of you, Utahime," the smile on those hateful lips was too sweet. "I wouldn't have thought you're the type to spend 100,000 ¥ for food and overpriced French wine."

Fuck. "Yes, maybe you just don't know me," she bristled, running through a list of things she could cut down on so that this expense wouldn't bankrupt her.

"I think I know you quite well," he grinned. Only he could make such an inconspicuous sentence sound so dirty. She hated that her heart picked up speed. She absolutely hated it.

"You're... you're not normal!"

"Oh, I know. Wait... is normal a category people aspire to be?"

"Yes, I like normal!"

"You do?" He tapped his chin. "Yeah, I remember. Those non-Sorcerers you hang out with. But Nanami isn't normal."

"Normal enough," she huffed.

"Oh no. I bet you he is into very strange kinds of porn."

Utahime lifted her eyebrows in disbelief.

"Furry. The furry kind," he added.

The French looking waiter came over and put a plate of chocolate wonders in front of Gojo with a small bow.

"Merci," Gojo grabbed a fork and began to dig in.

"What do you want from me?"

"Nothing. I needed to convey Nanamin an urgent message from the higher ups."

"Don't we have phones for that?"

"Some things are not to be said over the phone, Utahime."

"How did you know where we were?"

"I calibrated my Six Eyes so that I always know where you are."

That wasn't true. Was it? That smug grin... He was just playing with her, teasing her until she erupted and he could have a good laugh. Maybe she just wouldn't erupt tonight. Maybe she would win this round. Maybe she would manage to pretend his presence didn't affect her, and neither did his chipper mood that was the polar opposite from the poor mess in her shower last night.

"What do you want?" She asked once more.

"Sex."

That rendered her temporarily speechless but - dammit! - it also instantly affected her down there. No dignity. Get a grip!

"Sex. After what you said to me?" She laughed incredulously. Only that sex with Gojo Satoru was something to haunt a woman's dreams.

"What did I say?" A fork full of cake hovered in the air in front of his mouth.

"I thought you could make it better," she mimicked him. "But of course you can't. You can't do anything."

"Ah...?" The fork traveled into the mouth. She really had to stop watching his mouth. "Oh no, you misunderstood. I said "you can't do anything" meaning "you can't do anything against this". After all, nothing will change the fact that I killed my very best friend."

The fork fell on the table. The smugness was wiped away. He was a liar, wasn't he? Then why did he suddenly look like the weight of the world rested on his shoulders?

"You can have sex with pretty much anybody," she hurried to say. Anything but Gojo falling apart. Anything.

"But I want sex with you, Utahime. You're so soft and beautiful. You're the only one who makes me feel... welcome."

To her absolute horror, he began to cry. Silently, his fists pressed against his eyes, his shoulders shaking. Which, she quickly discovered, had to be far more pitiful than noisy, snotty crying. Her heart wanted to break for him.

"Let's go outside," she whispered.

But when she touched his hand across the table, he grabbed onto it and teleported her back to her apartment. It happened so quickly and smoothly, Utahime needed several seconds to realize what had happened.

"What the... my coa..."

He disappeared and was back the next second, a mere flickering in and out of existence, holding her coat in his hands.

"Don't worry, I already took care of the bill," he assured her.

"Gojo, you can't..."

"Please, Utahime," he pressed the coat into her arms. "Please. Don't send me away."

"I won't sleep with you," she hurried to say before his words could turn her into a brainless, needy idiot. "Get it?"

"Will you at least hold me?" He asked, looking defeated.

"Okay," she relented. "Okay. On the couch."

"Thank you, Utahime," he took her hand and lifted it to his lips. "I'm really grateful."

Why did this feel like a massive mistake? When Gojo Satoru makes you swoon like this, you're in deep, deep trouble.