I do not own Kingdom Hearts or any of the characters.

Hurting

Tyler wiped his eyes with the back of his wrist, sniffing and trying futilely to will himself to stop crying. This was stupid. He was acting like a child. It had been hours since he'd locked himself in his room, and he was still crying over his own inadequacy. So not only was he shamefully pathetic, he was also an immature child who cries for hours because he embarrassed himself. He wiped his eyes again just as someone knocked on the door.

"Tyler?" Vanille's voice called through the door. "You weren't at lunch. Are you feeling okay?"

"I'm fine," Tyler said, voice betraying him and cracking at the end.

"Can I come in?" Vanille asked.

"I just need some time to myself," Tyler said.

After a moment, there was a beep and the door unlocked, sliding open before closing again. Tyler turned his face into the mattress more and tried to stop his tears before she could see them, but it was too late. She gasped softly as she saw he was crying and sat on the bed, setting a hand on his shoulder.

"Tyler, what's wrong?" Vanille asked. "Are you hurt?"

"No," Tyler lied, pushing his hands further under the blanket, only to suck in a breath as pain lanced through him.

Vanille yanked the blanket away instantly, gasping harshly as she saw his hands and feet were all swollen and a dark purple with lines of blue and all clearly broken badly. "What happened!?"

Tyler remained silent and Vanille began to heal them, looking around. For the first time, she noticed the blood on the inside of the door, then the shattered mirror and the blood covering it. Her eyes widened just as she finished healing him.

"What happened?" Vanille asked. "Why would you do that to yourself."

"Nothing," Tyler lied. "Just leave me alone."

"Tyler, talk to me," Vanille said. "I want to help."

"There's nothing you can do," Tyler said. "Nothing happened."

Vanille's eyes narrowed and she grabbed him by the shoulders lifting him up into a sitting position before slapping him. "That is enough. Tell me what's wrong right now, or I'm going to tell Serah that you and Lightning got into a fight and let her figure out what happened. And I don't care if that's what happened or not."

Tyler stared at Vanille for a moment before his face fell, tears beginning to run down his cheeks again as he stared at his lap in shame. "I...I'm just...I'm a failure."

"What do you mean?" Vanille asked. "What happened?"

"Nothing!" Tyler snapped, more out of exasperation than anger, though he was getting angry with himself again.. "Nothing happened! That's the problem!"

"What do you mean?" Vanille asked, confused. "Is this about...you and Lightning?"

Tyler sighed heavily and nodded. "I...I'm pathetic. I...First I make a fool of myself, then I break my hands and feet in frustration and just lay here crying for hours. I'm a fucking loser."

"Don't say that!" Vanille snapped. "It's not true!" She sighed, voice softening. "Tell me what happened."

"I told you, nothing happened," Tyler said. "I...I wasn't...I couldn't..." his cheeks began to turn pink as his eyes narrowed, glaring at his hands as they clenched each other's fingers, wringing them. "She didn't even..."

Understanding filled Vanille's face. "Is that it? That doesn't matter."

"Bullshit!" Tyler scoffed. "I'm worthless! I couldn't make her feel good, I didn't have a clue what I was doing! Hell, I barely even lasted five minutes!"

"Tyler that's normal," Vanille said. "And for that being your first time, that's really, really good. Most guys with a lot of experience can barely last that long."

"Yeah, sure," Tyler snorted derisively. "You don't have to lie to me, Vanille. I know I'm a disappointment. She made that pretty clear."

"What do you mean?" Vanille asked.

"She couldn't even talk to me after, and she lay facing away from me so she wouldn't have to look at me," Tyler said. "Then the next morning I could see she was forcing herself to smile to try and make me feel better, but she had to force herself to tell me she loved me. Then after I took a shower, I heard her and Fang talking in the training room and I heard her telling Fang how disappointing I was, and trying to use the excuse that it was my first time to try and cover for me."

Vanille was silent for a few seconds before sighing heavily. "You're wrong. You're imagining things. She's not-"

"I'm not imagining things!" Tyler snapped, glaring at her. "I know what I saw! I made a fool of myself and she couldn't even look me in the eye afterward!"

"No, that's not true!" Vanille argued. "She was-"

"How would you know what she was!?" Tyler demanded. "You weren't there!"

"I-"

"Just get out!" Tyler snapped. "If all you're going to do is try to lie to me, then just get out!"

"Tyler, I'm not lying to you!" Vanille said, hurt. "I'm-"

"GET OUT! ! !" Tyler thundered, Vanille flinching back before rushing out of the room.

Tyler grit his teeth for a moment before shoving himself up and stepping forward, drilling his right hand into the wall, shattering multiple joints, two knuckles, and his wrist this time. He shouted in pain and kicked his dirty clothes basket, sending it into the wall on the opposite side of the room, spilling dirty clothes across the floor.

"Are you alright?" Fang asked as Vanille walked in, wiping her eyes.

"He's such a..." she sighed irritably. "Why don't men ever listen to what anyone has to say before they start yelling!?"

"He yelled at you!?" Fang demanded, pushing herself up, only for Vanille to stop her.

"No, it's not his fault," Vanille said. "He didn't mean it, he's just upset."

"Why the hell is he upset!?" Fang scoffed. "He's the one who treated Lightning like shit after they had sex! Seriously! She gives him her virginity and he repays her by getting pissed and locking himself in his room!"

"He's not angry," Vanille said. "At least, not with her. He's angry with himself."

"What?" Fang asked, frowning. "Why?"

"He thinks he disappointed her," Vanille said.

"What?" Fang asked. "Why?"

Vanille sighed. "I'm pretty sure it's just a misunderstanding, but he's really hurting. It was his first time too, so he didn't really know what he was doing, and he thinks that he didn't last long enough. Then after, apparently, she didn't really say anything, she just went to sleep, so he thought maybe he disappointed her because he didn't make her finish."

"That's stupid," Fang said. "Some of the best sex I've ever had I didn't finish."

"Yes, but he's never been with anyone else, so he thought that it just meant he wasn't good enough," Vanille said. "I could tell by the shadows under his eyes he didn't sleep last night, so he probably was so frustrated with himself that he just lay awake all night stewing in his own self-deprecation until he convinced himself that he was a failure. So then when she woke up, he had convinced himself that she didn't want to be around him, so he saw what he thought was her forcing herself to act like she was happy to see him, and forcing herself to say she loved him. Then, once he was cleaned up, he said he overheard you and Lightning talking. Apparently she was saying something about being disappointed and it being his first time?"

"Not even close," Fang said. "She was saying that she was surprised by how good it felt, especially since it was her first time, but that he was acting like she had offended him somehow, or disappointed him, and he ran out of her room just as fast as he could."

Vanille frowned. "He was sure he heard different. Did she actually say it was her first time, or just the first time? And did she say he was acting upset right away?"

Fang thought for a minute before shaking her head. "I don't think so, no. I think I had to prod for a bit to get her to actually say that. If he only heard the beginning, and had already convinced himself he wasn't good, it might have sounded like she was trying to make up excuses for him. Maybe. But, I mean, he's overreacting locking himself in his room, right? I mean, he can't really be that upset, right?"

"Wen I went in there, he had broken both hands and feet by punching and kicking the door, and there was blood on it as proof, and he had obviously punched the bathroom mirror, too," Vanille said. "It may be an understanding, but he's really broken up about it. He's actually physically punishing himself for what he thinks was him not being good enough."

Fang sighed heavily. "Jesus. That's it. These two are talking this out. I'm not letting their relationship fall apart over a misunderstanding."

Vanille nodded. "I'll go get Tyler. He'll probably need his hands healed again."

"No," Fang said. "Let Lightning see. It'll help if she knows just how much he's beating himself up."

"How?" Vanille asked.

"For one thing, she'll be worried about him enough to force him to talk to her," Fang said. "For another thing, even worried she made him mad, she'll know he's not the type of person to break his hands against a wall because he's angry at someone else."

Vanille nodded slowly. "I guess."

"Come on," Fang said.

They left their room, walking to Lightning's and knocking on the door. After a moment, it opened and Lightning looked out at them.

"You need to go talk to Tyler," Fang said.

"I...I don't want to make him any more angry," Lightning said. "I...If I messed up enough for him to lock himself in his room...I don't want to do anything to risk losing him more than I already have."

"Lightning, it was all a horrible misunderstanding," Vanille said. "Go talk to him. Ask him what's wrong. Make him tell you. If you don't talk this out, you will lose him. But I promise you, he's not mad at you."

"Then what is it?" Lightning asked.

"Go and ask," Fang said. "Trust me, this is something the two of you need to discuss."

Lightning sighed and nodded, leaving her room and heading for Tyler's. The door slid open as soon as she pressed the button and she froze, eyes wide as she saw the clothes scattered across the room, the laundry basket lying in the corner, the shattered mirror, the blood on the wall beside the bed.

"What do you want now Vanille?" Tyler grumbled, turning toward the door, only to stop, eyes widening as he saw it was Lightning.

Lightning's eyes widened as she saw the tears running down his face and Tyler quickly hid his broken hand behind his back. She crossed the room instantly, pulling his hand out from behind his back. She stared at it for a moment before healing it. Once it was healed, she held it with both of her own hands, her tears dripping onto the back of it.

"I...I'm so sorry," Lightning said, on the verge of crying. "I'm so sorry for making you mad. Please, tell me what I did. I promise I won't do it again, just please don't hate me. I couldn't take that."

Tyler's eyes widened before he pulled her into a hug, fresh tears running down his face from guilt. "I'm not mad at you. I never was. I'm so sorry, Lightning. I...I just...I wasn't good enough."

"What?" Lightning asked, pulling back, confusion written all over her face. "What are you talking about?"

"I...I wasn't good enough," Tyler repeated. "I didn't know what I was doing. I couldn't even...I mean...you didn't…"

Lightning's eyes widened slightly before she smiled, in spite of the situation. "Tyler...you did nothing wrong. I..." she could tell by his face that he didn't believe her. "You know, it was my first time, too."

Tyler looked up at her in surprise.

"That's why I asked if it was yours," Lightning smiled sadly. "I wanted to know if I would have to worry about not being as good as someone else. I didn't want to disappoint you. I was terrified that I'd have to try to compare to someone else, and that you would be disappointed. I was so happy it was your first time. And...I was surprised that it didn't hurt much. I always heard the first time was supposed to be really painful, but it was amazing. I was so happy. But then, the next morning, you acted like I really had disappointed you, and like you couldn't stand to be around me anymore."

"I...I thought you were disappointed by me," Tyler said. "I...You just...You didn't say anything after, so I thought you were disappointed you didn't get to...finish. I couldn't sleep because I felt so bad, but then, the next morning, I thought you were just trying to act nice, even though you wanted me to leave."

"No!" Lightning said, shaking her head. "I loved waking up with you, and I loved being able to have you hold me while I slept. I'm sorry I didn't say anything. I...I didn't...I just...thought you would know how much I love you already."

"I'm sorry," Tyler said. "I should have known better." His brow furrowed in confusion. "But...if that's true, what were you talking about with Fang? I heard part of it. You said it was good, but...you were saying that it was the first time, like...like you were trying to come up with an excuse for why I wasn't very good."

"No, that's not it!" Lightning said. "I meant that it was my first time. And it was good. It was better than I could have ever hoped. I loved being able to be with you like that. I had wanted to do it again when I woke up, but you left so fast. I thought you were mad. And with Fang...I was asking for advice about why you were mad. I thought I did something wrong."

Tyler stared down at her hands, still holding his. "I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you."

Lightning shook her head. "I should be the one apologizing. I should have made sure you were okay. I shouldn't have been too embarrassed afterword to talk to you. I wanted to tell you how good it felt, but I was embarrassed."

Tyler smiled. "You have no reason to be. You're beautiful, and you're so amazing that I'm still afraid that I'm actually dreaming and we're not really together."

Lightning smiled. "So am I. I...You're the first person I've ever really felt this way for. I've never even really had a crush before, so I'm terrified of making a mistake and losing you."

"If anyone's going to make a mistake, it'd be me," Tyler said. "Like I did today."

Lightning reached up, cupping his cheek and lifting his head, smiling. "I love you, Tyler. I love you with all my heart, and I don't regret what we did. It was amazing, and I was so happy to be able to be with you."

Tyler smiled. "I feel the same. I'm sorry for being an idiot. Can you forgive me?"

Lightning smiled and leaned forward, kissing him. Tyler smiled, kissing her back happily, his own hand cupping her cheek as well, wanting to hold her as close as he could again. After a few seconds, Lightning's tongue reached out hesitantly, asking permission, only for Tyler to pull away.

"I'm sorry!" Lightning said hurriedly.

"No," Tyler said, shaking his head. "I'm sorry. I...I just...I can't. Not right now."

"Okay," Lightning nodded, smiling. "Whenever you're ready then. I'll wait. Just being able to be with you is enough." her eyes widened slightly. "You...You do still want to be together, right?"

"Of course I do!" Tyler nodded, cupping her face and pressing his forehead to hers, smiling. "I love you, and I'm yours for as long as you'll have me. I just...can't do that right now."

Lightning nodded, smiling, and kissed him. "Okay. Then I'll wait. We can try again whenever you're ready."

Tyler nodded, smiling, and Lightning stood, holding out her hand.

"Come on," she smiled. "You need to eat."

Tyler nodded, accepting her help up and they left the room together, heading to the ship's kitchen.

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