Chapter 111

A lack of Understanding?

Lily knew the final Quidditch match of the year was coming up, and Gryffindor was in the running to win the cup. They had to win by two hundred points, but Lily knew that was possible, especially with her team.

What bothered Lily most about the upcoming match wasn't that they were facing Ravenclaw; they had beaten Ravenclaw plenty of times. No, what bothered her was the fact that she suspected this would be her last quidditch game at Hogwarts, especially if her suspicions about needing to find the Horcruxes was right.

Everything felt almost… distant to Lily as she was studying, spending time with her friends, and even training for the Quidditch final. She had been training with Ginny in the Room of Requirement, both practising the spell Snape had taught her, Sectumsempra, which was a powerful attack spell. It didn't take long for Ginny and Lily to both practically master it, but they knew they would only use it as a last resort, since it could kill someone if used with the right intent.

Lily didn't want to worry her friends, of course; she knew that if they suspected the depth of her plans, they'd want to go with her, and she didn't want to risk their lives, not when she had no idea where she'd be going, or how she'd even begin the search.

"How am I supposed to even begin to find them?" Lily asked, sitting in the Room of Requirement with Crouch and Ginny.

"I'm not sure on that one, I'm afraid," Crouch said. "But you won't be alone. You know your friends would go with you if you asked."

"Yes, which is why I'm not asking them. I've got no idea where to begin looking, or how long it'll take," Lily replied.

"They won't be pleased we're not telling them," Ginny pointed out.

"I know, but they'll understand, I hope," Lily's heart felt heavy; she knew Ron and Hermione would be upset, maybe they'd even see it as an ending of their friendship, but she knew she couldn't ask them to go with her. "It wouldn't be fair on them."

"And keeping secrets is?" Ginny asked, looking at her. "Face it, it's not a good choice to make, one way or the other."

"Ginny, I don't want to risk your life either, but I know there's no way to hide anything from you," Lily told her.

"Not anymore. I can always tell how you're feeling, and even where you are," Ginny told her. "I think our bond is getting stronger."

"Aye, it is," Crouch confirmed, leaning forward in his chair. "There will soon be a time when the two of you are stronger than anyone."

"Does Voldemort know?" Lily asked.

"I suspect he does, from what his spies will have told him. That was something I never discussed with him; for some reason, whenever the idea of it came up, I felt like I couldn't say anything. I suppose even back then, I was working to protect you, even when I didn't realise," Crouch said.

"In the Graveyard that night, I thought I'd made you angry when I attacked you, to stop you attacking Dumbledore," Lily commented.

"Oh, you did Lily, but after the battle, as I began to realise what was really happening, I knew you'd done the right thing," Crouch admitted. "That's the thing about you; you always know the right thing to do, even if you don't realise it or don't like it. Take the battle of the Ministry, for example. You knew what you needed to do, even though you also knew it was a trap. Taking out Umbridge was also a good move; it stopped him having control over Hogwarts. Had you failed to do either, he'd have taken Hogwarts over fully," Crouch explained.

"It didn't feel that right to me," Lily said softly.

"Lass, you will always feel guilt at the cost of victory; believe me, I understand that as you well know, but this is war, and there is always a cost. We just have to hope the cost is not too high," Crouch said. "In the meantime, we need to finish preparations. I have gotten a few items you'll need on your journey, including tents, provisions, muggle money, and supplies of Polyjuice potion, with a number of different hairs from muggles you can use for disguises, from around the world."

"You've been working hard, sir," Ginny commented. Crouch smiled.

"I knew this time would come when Dumbledore asked me to prepare a number of safe houses, so I began preparing everything we'd need. It won't be an easy journey, but we'll at least be ready. What did Miss Granger say when you told her about the Horcruxes?" Crouch asked.

"She was horrified, but she understood why you'd been teaching us the Fiendfyre curse, to ensure that we could destroy them," Lily replied.

"Exactly, though Seven of them… I thought he'd have created two or three, but so many… he's literally a shadow of his former self, and yet so powerful," Crouch commented.

"That'd be because of the Tomb of Slytherin. If we could find that, could we undo what the spirit of Slytherin did to him?" Ginny asked.

"No, I don't think we could," Crouch replied. "It'd make things a lot easier, but that kind of power isn't something that can just be taken back."

"Could he have hidden a Horcrux there?" Lily asked thoughtfully. Crouch looked thoughtful for a moment.

"You could be onto something, but finding it isn't going to be easy. The location was lost long ago. How he found it, I don't know, but I'll start researching it, see if I can find anything," Crouch said. "You should be heading off to Quidditch practise; I intend to see you win the cup, and I don't want you not letting that happen," he teased.

Lily chuckled as she and Ginny stood up. "Don't worry, we won't," Lily promised, before they left the room together.

Training went well, and Lily had gone to bed that night feeling confident about their chances. She knew they needed to move quickly on the pitch in order to make sure they got enough goals; they only needed to be up by fifty, and for Lily to catch the snitch, to win. She spent the night before the match polishing her broom, and maintaining it, sitting in the common room, alone, in front of the fire. It wasn't too late, though the others had wanted to get an early night.

She was softly humming to herself, trying to keep her mind occupied. She was worried about Sirius and Remus; how would they react to her plans to search for Voldemort's Horcruxes with just Ginny?

She knew her plans would hurt a lot of people, but she couldn't afford to back down now, not when she was set on her course. Would the others go with her if she asked? Of course they would; they wouldn't even hesitate to do so.

All too often, Lily had considered going with her team – her team, that phrase always made her feel special. Having a team to help her had kept her going, and alive, but there was only so much that she would ask of them.

As she thought back to the events of the year, she thought of the happy times she'd had. When she went shopping, Christmas dinner, Valentine's Day with Ginny, the times they'd all just sat outside with a picnic, or even just talking about anything.

She'd also learnt a lot, including self-defence through martial arts, how to be more agile and aware of her surroundings, and how to fight. Was that all she'd be good at? Was that her only foreseeable future?

It was because she was so distracted that she didn't even hear the entryway to the common room open.

"Trouble sleeping?" a familiar, masculine voice asked. Lily grinned as she looked up at the visitor.

"Uncle Sirius!"

"Hey Lily bud," Sirius greeted, with Lily putting her broom down and racing to hug him.

"How are you here? Why are you here?" Lily asked, surprised still.

"I got a message from Crouch, he said you'd likely need some family comfort tonight; that you've got a lot on your mind," Sirius replied, leading her to the sofa.

"Remind me to thank him for that," Lily smiled softly. "He really does care, doesn't he?"

"Of course he does; he's not the same man who tried to hand you to Voldemort two years ago. I'd never have expected him to change so much, but here we are," Sirius replied. "So, wanna talk about what's going on? Or do you want me to guess?"

"I wouldn't know where to begin," Lily admitted.

"How about with your plan to go off with Ginny, just the two of you, to find those damned Horcruxes?" Sirius asked. Lily's eyes widened.

"But… he… she… neither of them…" Lily spluttered. Sirius couldn't help but laugh at the sight of Lily's face.

"Do you really think I don't know how that mind of yours works?" Sirius asked. "I love you, but you can be so damned naïve."

"Uncle Sirius, I…" Lily began, but Sirius held up a hand.

"And do you really think any of us are going to let you do this alone? Don't be ridiculous. Whilst you've been preparing, your uncle Remus and I have been doing the same. We've been stockpiling all the safe houses Crouch has sorted for us, preparing a few secret locations of our own, just in case, and training with Moody and Crouch ourselves. We didn't know the Fiendfyre spell until recently," Sirius said. He then gently slapped the back of Lily's head. "Oh, and that was from Ron and Hermione. Ron said to say, when I told you we knew, to tell you to stop being such a bloody idiot, thinking you can do everything alone."

"Yeah, that sounds about right," Lily admitted, smirking as she rolled her eyes. "I just… I didn't want to risk anyone's lives, not after everyone we've already lost."

"There's that damned hidden voice in the back of your head again, telling you that you're not worthy of having friends and family like us, right?" Sirius asked. Lily knew she couldn't deny it, so she nodded softly, looking down at the ground.

"I… I'm sorry," Lily told him.

"Don't be sorry, be smarter," Sirius said.

"I'm trying. I just… I want to make you proud, to be the witch everyone needs me to be," Lily admitted.

"I had wanted you to be an amazing witch, Lily," Sirius said, looking at her, "But now, I'm training you to be a warrior. I hope that you won't need to teach your kids how to be a warrior."

"So do I," Lily agreed, with a small smile. Sirius looked at her sadly.

"I'm sorry, Lily. I feel like I've failed you. It was my job to protect you, to keep you safe, and now you're preparing for a full blown war. I wish none of this had ever happened," Sirius had confessed, holding her hand.

Lily remembered something she'd read in one of her favourite books, Lord of the Rings. It felt… apt, given the situation.

"So do I, and so do all who live to see such times," Lily began. "But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us."

"Did you just quote Gandalf?" Sirius asked, smirking. Lily nodded.

"I remember you reading it to me when I was younger. I never understood why you liked them so much at first, but over the last few years, I've started to understand the journey a little," Lily told him. "It's never going to be easy, for any of us, but we have to do what we must to help others. You taught me that."

"Out of all the lessons you learnt, that had to be the one that stuck, didn't it?" Sirius teased.

"You wouldn't have me any other way, would you?" Lily asked. Sirius sighed softly.

"No, no I would not. For all my worries, for all my concerns, you are the hero this world needs, even though they don't know it. Most of the world will never know what you're doing to protect them, unless someday muggles and wizarding kind become as one," Sirius commented.

"Maybe they will, just not in our lifetime. One day, I have to hope that everyone will be better, and they'll be able to find the heart that they need," Lily said. Sirius chuckled softly.

"When did you get so bloody wise?" Sirius asked.

"I dunno, you'd have to ask my Uncle, he's the one who taught me and raised me," Lily teased, laughing softly. Sirius nodded.

"I may have said it several times before, but I'm very proud of you Lily. You're an amazing young woman, and I have loved you like my own daughter. I'm damned lucky you're my niece," Sirius said.

"Thank you, Uncle Sirius. I'm glad you were the one who raised me. I don't know anything about my mum's family, but I doubt I'd have been happy there," Lily said.

"You wouldn't have been. Petunia hated the fact that Lily was a witch, and she wasn't. Her husband was, and probably still is, an arrogant jerk," Sirius explained.

"I doubt they'd have welcomed the fact that I'm transgender either," Lily commented.

"Oh, definitely not. But the thing is Lily, and you already know this, people won't all understand or accept your choices. They'll hate you because you're choosing a life that they wouldn't. They'll attack you just because you had the courage to take that step. That's what some people do, sadly, no matter how we try to help educate them," Sirius told her.

"I still don't understand why, and I've tried to understand, but it doesn't make sense to me," Lily said sadly.

"It doesn't make sense to me either, kid," Sirius told her. "I wish I could wave my wand and make everything better, but sadly, magic can't do everything."

"No, it really doesn't," Lily agreed. "But I know I have to do this. I've got the Quidditch match tomorrow, and I know one way or the other, it's the last I'll ever play here."

"Probably," Sirius agreed. "I don't know what next year is going to bring for us, but I know it won't be here. A part of me is sorry about that; having you graduate with all your NEWT's would have been an amazing sight, but I'm a realist, sadly."

"You're not disappointed with me for planning on leaving?" Lily asked. Sirius chuckled softly.

"If things were normal, you wouldn't be leaving at all. Hell, if old Mouldy Shorts wasn't around, you'd probably be a shoo in for the next Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher," Sirius said, waving his wand and making two bottles of Butterbeer appear. He handed one to Lily, who accepted it gratefully. They both opened their bottles and took a swig at the same time, causing them to chuckle.

"We've always been a lot alike, haven't we?" Lily asked.

"Yes, well, I put that down to good parenting," Sirius joked, with a grin.

"Me too. I wish I could have known my parents, but I'm glad I had you," Lily said. "I was thinking of something though."

"Oh?" Sirius asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, why don't you and Uncle Remus look at having children? You could find someone to carry your kids, easily," Lily suggested. Sirius, who had been taking a swig of his butterbeer, spat it back out, his eyes widening.

"Ex… Excuse me?" Sirius spluttered.

"I just… I know how amazing you were with raising me, and the two of you will be amazing parents," Lily told him.

"And where exactly has this come from, young lady?" Sirius asked, looking at her.

"Well, I just… I think you've got a lot of love to give, and I might… well, I want you to give it to a kid or two. You're both amazing, and I'm looking forward to your wedding, so I figure you'll be a natural dad," Lily told him.

"And you don't want us to be alone if the worst should happen?" Sirius guessed. Lily looked down at the floor, which confirmed Sirius' suspicions. "Lily, you shouldn't think about you not being around. For a start, you're more powerful than that twat, Mouldy Pants," Sirius said, changing the nickname slightly. "And you're better, in every way. I believe in you, Lily, and you should too."

Lily nodded, looking at Sirius smirking. She wasn't sure why, though she realised what was happening, a second before she felt a hand slap the back of her head.

"Good, you told her," Ron said, as he sat next to Lily. "Stop being such a bloody idiot."

"Ron, I…" Lily began before receiving a second slap, this time from Hermione.

"Do you mind not giving me brain damage?" Lily asked, slightly annoyed.

"Too late, clearly, if you thought you were doing anything without us," Hermione said pointedly, glaring at Lily.

"And don't tell us you were trying to protect us," Lavender added from the staircase.

"Did you let everyone know you were coming except me?" Lily asked Sirius, who nodded.

"They wanted to give me a chance to talk to you first, but they've got something to say," Sirius said.

"Lily, we've been by your side from day one. We handled the Philosopher's stone together," Hermione said.

"We went into the Chamber of Secrets together," Ron added.

"Helped against Pettigrew in year three, the tournament in year four, and Umbridge last year, and the Ministry," Lavender added.

"No way are you doing this alone," Dean told her firmly.

"Some of us are gonna have to stay here next year, but we'll be here to help whenever you need us," Seamus added.

Lily couldn't stop herself as she began to cry, both in shame for trying to hide her plans from her friends, and in gratitude for them being by her side to the end.

"I… I don't deserve… friends like you," Lily said softly.

"That's bollocks, and you know it," Ron told her. "After everything you've done for us, we're never letting you fight alone."

"We're with you to the end, Lily," Hermione promised, as Ginny sat on Lily's lap.

"I told you they'd be upset with you," Ginny said, gently wiping the tears away. Lily giggled softly.

"You were waiting to say that, weren't you?" Lily asked.

"Damned right I was," Ginny confirmed, smirking.

"So, tomorrow, we have the Quidditch final. We win that, then we start planning our next moves for next year," Neville said. Lily had to admit, since he had been with Parvati, Neville was showing a lot more confidence.

"Alright," Lily agreed. She knew it was pointless, and seeing the looks on her friends faces, she knew it was time to stop fighting the fact that they were fighting with her, and for her. "We're in this together, no matter what."

She knew she didn't want to put her friends at risk, but they were choosing, and soon, they'd be fighting.

To the very end.