Meant to update sooner but the problem with a bumper chapter between updates is that when the chapter is hella long like our next chapter is, it takes a lot longer to write it. So updating sooner for you all since the next one is going to have a high word count... as soon as it gets out of my head.
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Chapter Thirty-Nine: (I Just) Died In Your Arms Tonight
CPOV
I'd spent my very long existence with a firm belief in heaven and hell.
This. This was hell.
The following hours were an agonizing vigil. Machines beeped a relentless rhythm, each one a fragile thread keeping Bella tethered to life. Blood transfusions continued, a desperate attempt to outrun the clock. The atmosphere was heavy with a mixture of dread and hope. Bella's fate hung in the balance, wondering what would be the turning point between life and the abyss. Watching Bella's chest rise and fall from the force of the ventilator she was connected to tore miniscule pieces of my soul away with every inhale and exhale. The plastic acting as a barrier between her exposed organs and every germ in this hospital felt as ineffective as cheesecloth the longer she lay in her bed unmoving, save for the ventilator's efforts. She didn't even smell like herself anymore, a byproduct of all the donated blood that was coursing through her system.
Was there even any left that was actually hers?
Esme was seated at her left side, holding her hand gently, painfully aware of how tenuous her hold on life was. Emmett and Rosalie were to her right, Emmett holding Rose as she mimicked my own stance; locked in place, eyes glued to the machines keeping Bella here.
Alice and Jasper were conspicuously absent. Rose told me that Alice was busy making preparations with Jasper's help but I refused to think about what preparations that could be.
Edward's presence was also glaringly lacking but all I'd heard about this was that he had something pressing to take care of before he could join us.
What could possibly be more important than being at the bedside of his best friend and 'girlfriend', I didn't know. Every minute he wasn't here ate away at my limited tolerance. He'd taken care of the animal that did this to Bella and Charlie but that was several hours ago. The police would have found the accident by now.
In the meantime I was left with nothing to do but watch the love of my life hang on by a thread, tormented.
The family wanted me to change her.
Hell, I wanted to change her.
But it was that deep compulsion that stopped me.
I couldn't make this decision for selfish reasons. This was Bella's life and if I changed her, it would be an unnaturally long one. It was one thing for her to ask me to change her when it was at her leisure. When Charlie was still alive, she'd still have time to make memories and spend time with him. When she was free to enjoy all life had to offer.
Everything had changed.
And this decision couldn't be reversed.
The door behind me slid open and I turned to see Edward slip inside. I glared at him.
"You realize how it looks that Bella is literally on death's doorstep and her boyfriend can't be bothered to be there with her," I bit out in lieu of greeting, annoyed that these kinds of shows for the humans were something we even needed to care about right now. He looked past me to Bella, taking in every inch of her, the damage we couldn't fix. "What was so important," I asked, forcing evenness into my tone.
"I had a meeting," he said quietly, watching me carefully.
"With who? Who could possibly take priority over her?" He waited, assessing me and I growled the longer the silence stretched.
"With the tribal council in La Push," he finally said, squaring his shoulders.
In a blink I had him pressed against the wall, growling at him. Emmett and Rose grabbed my arms but didn't pull me off him.
"You couldn't be bothered to be here because you took it upon yourself to cross the treaty line for a lost cause? She's dying while we just watch and you thought that the best thing to do was to go to the people who despise us so they could deny you in person?"
"Carlisle," Emmett said softly. "Step back before someone sees." I pulled back roughly and Edward smoothed his shirt.
"I already told you," I hissed. "This isn't what she agreed to. And you bringing the pack into this merely complicates things because now if we do anything, we're burning bridges at the least or inciting violence at the worst. You had no right."
"I have every right," Edward bit back. "You and she discussed this and now you're going back on your word and it just sucks for her because she can't stop you. Bullshit. You can have your insecurities but I just eliminated the excuse you were hiding behind. The council said yes. They're making an exception to the treaty for her." I froze.
He was lying.
He had to be lying. He was just trying to push me into changing her and we'd just deal with the fallout later.
"I'm not lying," he groaned in exasperation. "Seriously, Carlisle, it both amazes and completely frustrates me how you can be such a stubborn ass about this. If Bella was awake, she'd smack you and probably yell at you for twisting everything around to justify your fears." I snarled.
"We wouldn't even be in this situation if you had gotten there a little bit faster." He winced. "If you hadn't left her alone," I snarled at Emmett and Rosalie who turned into her husband's chest while he glared at me.
"You think we don't know that," Edward hissed. "That we haven't been beating ourselves up about it? These are regrets we will live with for the rest of our lives. But the real question is are you going to let your fear rule you so completely that you have to live with the regret of doing nothing for the rest of your life? Or at least until you decide to take your own life because your noble, righteous thoughts about agency and choice don't ease the gaping void that her death leaves you with." I stared at him, taken aback by the blunt and horrific reality he described. "You choose not to save her and then you can't live without her and you doom the rest of us to the same kind of grief and pain by having to live without you," he muttered. "And the most horrible part of this whole scenario is that you'll convince yourself you're doing the right thing when you're actually disrespecting the choices she already made; the sacrifice her father made. You'd be ignoring her wishes and the final request of the only family she had left in this world. All because you still don't trust that she loves you enough to be with you, to change for you," he finished angrily, scowling at me.
"Don't," I said softly.
"No, Carlisle, you 'don't'. We all love her. Not the same way that you do but we all love her so fiercely that we tortured a man before killing him just to avenge her. I faced almost certain rejection from the council for her. Alice is arranging everything we need to fake her death because we've all accepted what you won't let yourself believe: that she belongs with us for eternity. That we can't live without her."
I closed my eyes against the onslaught of emotion his words stirred in me. Bella's face hovered behind my lids, eyes sad.
"I don't want to but it's as simple as this, Carlisle: either you bite her and save her or I'll do it." I lunged at him with a snarl but Emmett caught me.
"You won't lay a finger on her," I hissed. He shook his head sadly.
"I don't want to. I don't want to be the one to do it. It should be you, Carlisle. You should be the one to save her, to give her a second chance at life. I don't want her to wake up and have her realize that you're still so afraid that you don't trust her feelings for you or her decision making abilities." I glared at him. "Don't make us tell her that your plan was to let her die," he whispered.
"It isn't," I bit out.
"Then prove it, Carlisle," he said urgently. "Stop making excuses and respect her love for you and her autonomy. Save her." I turned back to look at Bella.
She looked tiny in that hospital bed, covered in tubes and wires, a machine breathing for her. Her skin was even paler than ours now, every vein visible beneath the thin surface.
If her heart stopped again…
If we couldn't repair the damage…
If a rogue germ made its way into her system…
"Not spending a thousand lifetimes with you is inconceivable."
"You know you can change your mind."
"It's not a decision, Carlisle. It's a need: as fundamental as breathing. You're stuck with me. Forever."
Not a decision.
"How much longer does Alice need," I rumbled. Edward breathed a sigh of relief before pulling his phone out and typing on it quickly. It dinged a moment later.
"She says she has the cadaver and Jasper has Charlie's will prepared. Whenever you're ready to do this, we're prepared." I stared at him before looking at each member of my family. They nodded to me in agreement and I closed my eyes before squaring my shoulders.
"We're going to need to mimic her heart stopping. One of you will have to wear the telemetry leads. I'll do the compressions and then wean her off. I'm going to try dosing her with morphine before since I don't know if the bite will trigger a physical reaction. We need her to appear dead and then we can switch her body with the cadaver."
"I'll wear the monitor," Rosalie volunteered softly. I nodded at her and they moved away from the bed. I grabbed a syringe and a bottle of morphine from the crash cart, pulling a large dose into the syringe. I pushed it through her IV and waited a moment for it to start working its way through her system.
I positioned myself on the edge of the bed next to her, pressing my hands to her jaw. I pressed my forehead to hers and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, my love," I breathed before tilting her head to the side and pressing my mouth to her throat, feeling the weak pulse there. "Forgive me." I bit into her jugular, the skin yielding to my teeth as easily as sinking into bathwater. Hot, fragrant blood flooded into my mouth, the ambrosial taste of Bella coating my mouth through the donated blood and cloying sweetness of morphine like an echo of her. I swallowed and groaned before taking another pull. I felt her heartbeat begin to quicken as the venom flooded her veins, already changing their structure. I licked over the bite mark and pulled back, breathing ragged.
Rosalie grabbed the telemetry leads while Edward disconnected her IV and rearranged the tubes to look like they were still attached.
"Now," I said and they stepped back, the telemetry hidden under Rosalie's jacket. The monitors started dropping before the alarms started going off. As soon as the pulse flatlined, I pressed the code blue button. Lights and alarms went off as the PA system announced the code and room number. I started to do compressions, making sure not to press too hard on Bella's chest while giving the appearance of aggressiveness. Nurses rushed in and ushered my family out, moving about the room to perform their individual responsibilities. The head of the bed was lowered and a board was placed under Bella. I called out orders, watching as the nurses administered medications to the unconnected line.
After thirty minutes, I stepped back, the drone of the flatline filling the sudden silence in the room, save for the sound of the ventilator pushing air in and out of Bella's lungs.
"Time of death," I said softly, "fourteen twelve." Some of the nurses sniffed, wiping their eyes. I moved around the bed, gently ushering them out to turn off the ventilator. Carol held back, slowly starting to turn off the monitors. "I'll take care of this, Carol," I said gently. She shook her head.
"I don't mind, Doctor Cullen," she said thickly. "It's just so heartbreaking."
I didn't need her touching Bella and accidentally discovering our deception.
"I'd like to do it myself, if you don't mind. Bella was family," I murmured. "I'd like to settle her, as a one last goodbye and to honor her for my son," I said, adding roughness to my voice. She patted my back comfortingly.
"Okay, Carlisle. I'll go check on your family for you." I thanked her, keeping my head bowed until she left, closing the curtain behind her. I disconnected Bella from all the medical equipment, waiting for several tense moments after turning off the ventilator for her chest to move. It wasn't a normal respiration but it meant she was breathing. Her heart was beating, pushing the venom through her body, even as she stayed unnaturally still. When I was finished, I stepped outside to invite my family back in to give the appearance of paying their respects before I facilitated the move down to the morgue.
"Is Alice ready," I asked Edward. He'd been sobbing into Esme's shoulder, liberally applying teardrops when no one was looking.
"She and Jasper are just waiting for you to get her down to the morgue," Emmett supplied. He was watching Bella, frowning.
"Edward, up the act when you leave and Esme will announce she's taking you home. Emmett and Rose will go with. I'll insist on taking her down myself and then I'll get a signal to Alice. I'm still going to have to do all the paperwork afterward, as well as acting as the head of the family and arranging the funerals. I want you boys to take Bella to Maine and wait with her. I'll keep you updated as things progress." They all nodded and we began to separate, Edward sobbing loudly into his hands as Esme guided him toward the elevator, telling him she was taking him home. Emmett and Rose followed while I made my way to the nurses station. Everyone watched me with sympathy in their eyes and I stuffed my regret down. I hated lying to these people, tricking them into feeling the loss of a patient and the empathy for their town doctor who was going to leave them high and dry as soon as I could get away without excess talk or suspicion.
"I'm going to take Bella down to be with her father," I announced. They all nodded, some offering to accompany me. I didn't turn them away, not wanting to draw unwanted attention by refusing. We retrieved Bella's sheet covered body from the room. I pushed quickly enough that I didn't think anyone would notice her breathing but slow enough to keep up the emotional charade.
When we got to the morgue, the nurses opened the door for me and then stepped back. I wheeled Bella into the cold room, noticing the other occupied gurney in there.
Charlie.
"You can go back to the ICU," I told the nurses. "I'd just like to take a moment to say goodbye to the chief and his daughter." They offered me sad smiles before leaving me alone.
"I'm so sorry, Charlie," I said softly when I could no longer hear heartbeats nearby. "We failed you. This never should have happened. Not to you and not to her. I promise I will do everything I can to give her a life of happiness and contentment. I will keep my promise to you." I stepped back and actively made the decision to call Alice. She and Jasper appeared seconds later, Bella's body double slung over his shoulder. I closed the door behind them and we switched out Bella and the cadaver.
"Who was she," I asked Alice.
"A victim of an aneurysm. She donated her body to science. Jasper and I already took care of the paper trail so no one realizes she's missing. We've got Charlie's will back at the house, waiting for you."
"Thank you." She gripped my hand.
"It doesn't feel like it right now but this is the beginning of forever for you, Carlisle," she promised me softly. I nodded and patted her hand, smiling weakly.
"You would know," I teased halfheartedly. "Go on. There's still so much to do." They nodded and left, moving faster than any security camera could catch them with Bella tucked safely in Jasper's arms. I looked back at Charlie and sighed.
"I promise," I whispered.