Chapter 55: Double edged sword
The smile sat in place like a good story teller's voice, continuing to tell the story despite the sword stuck in his side. That's what Shizuo felt like when he pushed the door shut.
It was excruciating.
The knowledge that there was nothing Shizuo could do to help Izaya.
"Good morning," a vibrant grin belonging to an even more vibrant knight illuminated the dark hallway with the best intentions but worst timing.
Craigh. He had been the one to knock at the door.
Shizuo knew better than to judge his smiling expression as one of carelessness. That's just how he was.
Positive down to the darkest times.
He could see it in his friend's gaze, the way it dimmed slightly as Craigh sensed the mood cloaking Shizuo like a coat of iron.
"Bad day?" Craigh asked, lowering his voice a bit, as the maid from before was just disappearing down the hallway.
A glance was cast at the bearded ginger, then at the door and a deep sigh left Shizuo's lips as he let the back of his head connect with the sturdy material.
"Bad life," he whispered and there was no need to go into details as Craigh's expression matched that of Shizuo's for a brief moment.
The hallway was dark. The sun was rising to the east and the window at the end of the corridor was located on the north of the mansion.
Sprinkles of dust hovered midair next to voluptuous curtains of lush green. There was a vase too. Holding dried flowers void of life standing on a small table right in front of the window.
Shizuo couldn't help but compare Izaya's remaining life force to the wilted blossoms.
It was a suffocating thought, but closer to the truth that they all tried to ignore.
"Come on, it's not that bad. She had a nice evening yesterday," Craigh spoke with a silken voice.
Shizuo had known the man for years. Apart from a distinguished and capable knight he was a friend. A brother of sorts. If anyone was able to remotely feel his despair then it was him.
And that showed in the way this massive bear of a knight handled his words with the care a maid would exert when polishing crystal glass.
Sighing, Shizuo closed his eyes for a moment.
"Yeah, but at what cost?" Pictures of the previous night reappeared before Shizuo's inner eye. The way Izaya smiled, the way he moved. He had seemed weak, of course, given his condition. But fine overall. The weather, Shinra's suggestion- "I thought these lands were supposed to make her feel better. I thought she was getting better-" Shizuo whispered and every word spoken felt like an additional weight of iron on the scale that tipped his life. "Did I get my hopes up too early? Could I have prevented this by leaving her in bed?"
Guilt. Fear. Worry.
All of those stacked upon each other as Shizuo found himself crushed by the force these constant weights provided.
"And make her die by herself?" Craigh suddenly whispered and Shizuo's body tensed.
Craigh wasn't the type to sugarcoat true facts. So of course it was most natural for him to put his thoughts into direct words. Words that acted like arrows sometimes as they pierced Shizuo from head to toe.
Craigh was right. Izaya's death was a more probable fate than his survival.
They had learned to act on the most probable outcomes during their campaigns. There was no use in false hope or dreams, only in reality and taking advantage as it approached.
Noticing that his words hadn't quite managed to cheer his commander up, Craigh rubbed his neck awkwardly for a moment.
"Look, yesterday she was feeling alright. Today she doesn't. So what?" Craigh wasn't heartless. He liked his new queen. He liked her wit, he liked the way his commander changed when she was around. And looking at his king right now he felt he had spoken of the wrong kind. "Healing takes time. Who is to say resting today won't improve her condition tomorrow?"
There was no lie to be found in his words. Craigh had a point. Shizuo was aware of that fact and yet right now they seemed so negligible.
"I appreciate your words, but we both know that her state today is more than worrying."
Shinra had given Izaya a few more days at most. Maybe a week. How many days had passed, two? The weather had changed. The harsh cold and moist walls were replaced by warmth summer gazed and cozy breezes carrying the joy of life as nature blossomed to its full potential.
So why?
Looking towards the windowsill, Shizuo's gaze only grew heavier.
Why was Izaya wilting faster than the flower missing water in that vase?
He had acted too late.
It was one of the options crossing his mind. Or his actions had been in vain all along.
Was that was this trip was? What Izaya had asked? A last trip to show him a bit of the world he was going to depart from?
Shizuo refused to give up and yet right now he awfully felt like it didn't matter whether he clung to his stubborn thread of hope.
No words were spoken. Craigh was wiser than to speak just for the sake of filling time.
But he had his own thoughts, beliefs and most importantly, ideas.
Placing his callous hand wrought from many fights onto Shizuo's shoulder his eyes narrowed to an expression of sobriety as he spoke with his raspy voice.
"I know you are no fan of it but-"
And Shizuo knew what Craigh was about to suggest and his blood surged quicker than any fight brought it to life.
Pictures of his late mother flared before his eyes and an expression of seething hatred, demise and sadness mixed on his face as he forced the hand away.
"No."
Having expected the reaction and most of the reluctance shown, Craigh didn't even bat an eyelid at Shizuo's hostility as he knew it wasn't aimed at him.
Gaze stoic and almost divine with its absence of visible emotions Craigh stilled as his eyes held Shizuo's glare.
There had not been many times when he thought it worth to stand his ground before his king as his decisions were vastly agreeable and in line with Craigh's beliefs. But right now a rare situation occurred in which they weren't.
Voice hard and expression of a man that was not going to simply back down because of a simple, no, he met his king on even ground of authority.
"They might be able to help," he spoke with confidence. But he had underestimated the scars in Shizuo's heart, it seemed, as his king's expression only grew harder.
"Yeah, help giving out false hope."
Being able to admit a mistake when it was being made Craigh kept his lips shut for a moment. He wasn't going to convince Shizuo this way and he was slowly starting to become aware of that fact.
He was no believer and yet the expressions his queen had shown during their dinner, the hospitality she served and the personality she held evoked a sensation Craigh had rarely felt towards anyone other than Shizuo.
He wanted her to survive. Not just because he felt sorry for Shizuo, but for her sake.
"The Lord sent me up," he announced after what felt like a decade of accumulating anger growing passionately in Shizuo's eyes.
It took a moment for the king to tear himself from past events and meet Craigh in the present.
"You aren't a servant," Shizuo pointed out with a frown on his face. The lord might have power over his own lands, mansion and the way he accommodated his guests, but Shizuo was the only one who was holding the right to command his knights. Seeing how he was breaching into this order was as much annoying as it was angering.
"I think in his eyes everyone is a servant," Craigh added with a snort, trying to bring more ease into the conversation. He hated being ordered around by the lord as much as Shizuo, but right now that fact was inferior to the core issue at hand. "My point is he has one." Eyes serious and gaze hard he met Shizuo's disdain with even authority.
"Here?" the king spoke, and the word held the danger of a sword dripping with the blood of slain kinsmen.
Craigh understood his pain. He understood his anger. His fear. His rejection of the harbingers of death. Because at the end of the day they had been nothing but that in his life so far. But time was moving against them and even trusting Shinra's advice and Karazam's treatment Craigh knew a sealed fate when he saw one.
Eyes hard and gaze dark their opinions clashed as Craigh spoke against his commander's order.
"I will escort him to this chamber." Shizuo's eyes flared in madness, but Craigh continued without paying his incredulous rage any mind and his voice turned soft. "Whether the lady wants to see him or not should be for her to decide." And it was as though a bucket of water had doused the burning flame in Shizuo's chest as his expression fell.
The color or red dousing Shizuo's angered vision seemed to fade as he realized the truth of Craigh's words. He was right. He knew he was right.
And yet-
Without any further delay the ginger turned. Everything necessary had been said and actions preceded words and ideas in every way.
Eyes following his old friend Shizuo felt the slightest hint of guilt befall his mind. Craigh only meant well. He always did.
And yet an apology wasn't the first action desired by Shizuo as he was too busy dreading the visit that was about to come around.
It was suffocating. The knowledge that this was their last resort.
That this was what Izaya's life depended upon.
These unreliable, boisterous bastards.
Turning around Shizuo's palm found its way back to the handle as he pushed the door to Izaya's chamber open.
An involuntary glare had settled on his face along with a deep frown as he met Izaya's gaze.
He hadn't fallen asleep. Instead he had pulled himself to the headboard and pulled some cushions behind his back in order to gaze past the border of the window.
Tire and exhaustion marked the dark circles under his eyes as he immediately recognized the shift in Shizuo's mood.
"What happened? Met the Lord?" he joked carefree despite his shackles and chains binding him to the bed. It caused Shizuo's expression to slip and his anger to fade.
Izaya was smiling, but he looked awfully weak.
"The lord is sending his healer to look at you." His words felt like a leap from a cliff into unknown bodies of water lit by darkness. They came as much of a surprise to Izaya as they were to himself.
"A healer?" Izaya blinked, and both hope as well as dread mixed in his mind. He had never been a fan of religion. Never been a believer of the goddess people living in these lands honored. But he had heard of them.
Priests of high and low kind. Along with studying the course of their history and taking action righteous only to themselves while acting on segregation as they saw fit, they declared unwavering power as their source of goodwill.
If prayers failed, herbs and medics were at their wits end, then it was them that exerted their powers in a last effort to change the fate of a suffering patient.
And that change of fate was as gruesome as it could be.
Izaya had heard them both. Stories of horror and stories of hope.
Some said healers were godsent angels, removing all illness and pain upon mere touch.
But the majority spoke of experiments instead. Of torture like procedured that included cutting open the flesh of their victims and draining them of the last of their blood.
They were no better than shitty medics but equipped with power to act as they pleased and that only served to fuel the fear sprouting in Izaya's mind.
Healers were the last resort people were willing to try when all else failed, and that fact alone spoke volumes about his current condition. Shizuo seemed to share his skeptical view on the chosen believers as he had yet to speak any words of conviction and persuasion. "You don't like healers?"
"I hate the church in general. All handing out promises they can't keep," Shizuo spat in a voice Izaya had never heard before.
He was angry. No, not even that, mad? Scared? A certain air of sadness seemed to linger around the king and Izaya couldn't help but wonder what kind of experience had evoked this demeanor.
"You are aware some of them are actually said to own spiritual powers?" Izaya argued while trying his best to mask his own skepticism. But Shizuo's expression only seemed to harden at the useless attempt.
"They do crap. Can't even fix a scratch if it really comes down to it." Experience instead of assumptions seemed to carry Shizuo's opinion and Izaya felt his throat choke up at the lack of hope.
"Why do you look so troubled when you say that?"
He could guess.
It wasn't hard, really, but somehow Izaya wanted to hear the story from Shizuo's point of view.
The anger that had been circling Shizuo seemed to shift as regret and sadness gained reign of his expression.
A short glance was cast towards Izaya and the king's eyes softened. Moving over it took just a quick stride of five steps until Shizuo arrived at Izaya's bed.
The mattress and silky layers covering Izaya's body shifted as he sat down on the edge. Care and worry lingered in his eyes as he looked at his queen.
"They promised my mother the same", he whispered and confirmed what Izaya had already figured out. Silence occupied the chamber for a moment, only disturbed by the eversounding chirps of birds. "We went to so many healers," Shizuo whispered and his hands found each other in a tight clasp as he brought back the painful memories of that time. "None could help. They only made it worse," he spoke and his voice cracked for a moment as he closed his eyes.
"And not only them," turning to face Izaya, his gaze grew more serious. "I escorted one of those so-called high priests at some point. Claimed to be oh so skilled." Shizuo remembered the campaign to this day. The pain, the blood, the distorted expression on that damned priest's face. "When one of my knights was deadly injured he whined about poison and how he couldn't dissolve it," Shizuo whispered with a glare matching that of the one he looked at that piece of scum with when he shriveled in fear of his incompetence. Snow and blood had been everywhere, and his angered breath formed gusts of mist in front of Shizuo's face. He must have seemed like a monster to the healer, just like how the healer seemed like a monster to Shizuo.
Relaxing his expression on purpose, Shizuo tried to chase away the memory as he faced his queen. "If it hadn't been for Shinra, Chester would have died. And the healer beheaded by Craigh."
So that was the reason.
Putting the puzzle pieces together one by one Izaya started to find himself understanding the knights and their bonds as well as their beliefs.
He had already noticed that they seemed quite blasphemous. Especially Karazam and Shinra seemed to hold no trust in any of these land's beliefs.
It made sense considering their only queen died despite reaching out for help to those who were supposed to reward the best kind of people.
And Izaya figured, considering Shizuo's nature and his father's reputation, that it was his mother that he took after.
She must have been an angel of some sort. Her personality outshining everyone with gentleness and generosity.
And yet she died.
Rushed to her end way before her time, just as Izaya was about to.
With bitter recognition Izaya realizing yet again what kind of hell he made Shizuo reexperience just by bothering with his sorry sight and his grasp on the silky blanket tightened.
"Having a healer look at me won't change my condition then," Izaya spoke gently, but Shizuo seemed to miss the point as his expression only narrowed in bitter confirmation.
"Exactly, it's completely useless."
Feeling a bitter smile creep onto Izaya's lips he quickly shook his head. That was not what he meant.
Grasping Shizuo's hand, not too far from his own, Izaya forced the king to turn and actually look at him as he spoke.
"Not for the better, but also not for worse." And it was then that Shizuo realized what Izaya meant and a deep frown grazed his expression.
"You want to see the healer?"
to be continued~
I'm not even gonna say anything about the next chapter xD Just that you can look forward to next Saturday haha C; xD
On a sidenote, as most of you read in my notes, I am actually publishing my Shizaya stories in a re-worked version on amazon :3 But sadly no one seems to notice the novels xD
Even my original work "Yultesra" is barely getting seen TAT (part 2 is coming dec 2024 btw xD)
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