A huge 'thank you' to i_will_sing_no_requiem for beta reading.
Just a few days later, there was no trace of Aaron's cold. He was once again a happy, energetic little boy whose joy was too infectious for Kate to let her fears and doubts linger. Weeks went on, and fortune smiled on her yet again. A perfect babysitter for Aaron basically fell from the sky.
Juanita moved into the flat below theirs after switching apartments with her daughter, who had just gotten married. Mother of four, all of them already grown up but not yet having their own families, Juanita was still full of energy, loved children, and simply wanted to have something to do, so the little money Kate could offer satisfied her. Kate immediately took a liking to the tiny, middle-aged woman with a warm smile and lively eyes. Still, before they struck a deal, she invited Juanita over for a cup of coffee one Sunday when Sayid was at home, wanting to see if his judgment would echo hers. (She didn't think she was that much of a worse judge of character than her friend, but still it would be stupid not to utilize his experience… and if he also made an appropriately threatening impression on their neighbor, well, it wouldn't hurt, would it?).
The first time she went out alone, Kate was initially struck by an irrational fear that something would happen to Aaron as soon as she let him out of her sight. However, she was aware all too well what giving in to such fears could lead to—she had seen it enough with Jack. Therefore, she knew she had to deal with her feelings, and gradually, she started to succeed. She managed to find a part-time job as a hostess, and although she didn't earn much, the fact that she could leave the flat for a few hours without having to worry about Aaron was enough to provide her with the balance she had missed.
All of that combined made her safer and happier than she had felt in a long, long time—even though there was no open door she could escape through the way she used to if the situation became too much to deal with. She had a roof over her head, a wonderful baby boy, and a faithful friend by her side. Maybe it wasn't much, but for her, it was more than enough. Experience, however, had taught her that an idyll like that couldn't last long, at least not for her, especially since there was that one huge, still unresolved matter hanging over her head. And of course, she was right, and fate once again proved to be a mean, spiteful bitch. Just when everything seemed to be going so well that Kate finally began to believe she had found peace, the law finally remembered her existence.
Just before the start of her trial, a lawyer appeared out of nowhere, ready to represent her for free, claiming he had already been well reimbursed. Kate would have suspected Sayid's hand if it wasn't for the fact that he definitely wouldn't be able to afford the services of such a renowned firm (she investigated the man very carefully before she agreed to have him defend her). She even called Jack, who also denied having anything to do with the situation. Regardless of who sent him, though, her new lawyer turned out to be an expert at his job, and maybe that was why, miraculously, Kate was still free.
Her future didn't look bright, though, and that peaceful life they were living in their little flat was starting to feel almost as unreal as the island that had been swallowed by the ocean right before her eyes. Still, Kate had made the decision to stay and face her past, and now, there was no going back. The only thing she could do was wait and see what the future would bring. Determined not to give in to fear, she focused on making memories, spending every free minute with Aaron, savoring his every smile and every new achievement, hoping she would get to see the next one. Sayid must have understood what she was going through, because yet again, he stepped aside and took over some of her chores so that she could have more free time on her hands.
However, one day, when Kate returned home after her court hearing, she was welcomed by a sight she hadn't expected. Seeing Sayid with Aaron in his arms was surprising in itself, but not completely inconceivable. What really shocked her was that Sayid was singing. She didn't know the song nor could she understand the words, but, judging by the slow, somber melody and the gentle rocking movements that accompanied it, it must have been a lullaby.
Kate stood in the doorway, taking in the sight, but Sayid soon noticed—or maybe sensed—her presence. He glanced at her, and the tender smile on his face was immediately replaced by embarrassment.
"Juanita was feeling unwell, so I offered to relieve her," he explained quickly as he handed Aaron over to Kate. "How did it go?"
Kate simply shook her head, hugged the already half-asleep boy close to her, and buried her face in his golden locks, letting his calmness and innocence wash over her. There would be time for serious talks, now all she wanted were just a few more minutes of pretending that the only world that existed was the one here, inside their little flat. Oh, what she'd give for a bottle of whiskey... But Aaron was way more important than this childish need to escape, so Kate quickly gave up the idea. She toed off her stilettos (she was so not used to wearing heels anymore) and slid down to the couch with a sigh of relief. She slipped her index finger into Aaron's hand and smiled tenderly when the boy's fist immediately tightened around it.
"What is it called?" she addressed Sayid, who hadn't yet moved from his spot in the middle of their crowded living room.
Kate knew her friend was still waiting for the answer to his question, and she was going to tell him about everything that had taken place in court, but she needed just a few moments longer to sort out her thoughts.
Sayid frowned. Was he still embarrassed that she had caught him doing something so 'unmanly', or did he simply not understand what she was referring to? It must have been the latter, she decided. Sayid had never had problems showing his tender side, at least not to people he trusted, and she had no doubts she was one of them.
"That song you were singing. It sounded really pretty. Sad, though. It was in Arabic, wasn't it?"
Sayid nodded.
"It's called 'Dalloul'. It is a lullaby, a very old one. Much older than Iraq. I have heard that it dates back to the ancient Sumerians, although I am not sure how true it is."
"Sumerians?" It was Kate's turn to frown.
"You do not learn about Mesopotamia in your schools?" Sayid raised an eyebrow.
"Oh, Mesopotamia. I've heard about it, yes. I just didn't know that the word you used referred to the same thing. Wait, so Iraqis are descendants of those… Sumerians?" It seemed to Kate that Sayid actually enjoyed sharing a bit of his world with her. He rarely started such conversations himself, though, as if worried that he would bore her, so she tried to sense the right moments and find the right questions to ask when the opportunity arose. Today, she had an additional reason, too—distracting her thoughts from reality and keeping Sayid's concerned questions at bay.
"Not exactly. Our people came to these lands later, but there are many traces of that civilization, the oldest civilization in the world, still found in Iraq to this day."
Luckily for her, it seemed that Sayid was in the mood for stories tonight.
"At least there were," he continued, a hint of bitterness now apparent in his voice. "Until your army decided to bomb our archaeological sites and let the Baghdad museum be looted during the last war. But last time I heard, at least the Great Ziggurat of Ur is still standing. Have you heard of it?"
"I don't think so." Kate was trying hard to remember anything on Mesopotamia she could have learned at school, but she had to admit defeat. She hadn't been a bad student, but she often refused to memorize things that she hadn't deemed interesting or necessary.
"Why am I not surprised?" Sayid smirked at her.
"We'll, I won't deny that our school system is a mess, but I doubt you were taught that much about American historical monuments either," she answered in a joking tone, not wanting for their conversation to get too serious, not today. "So, do you know any more lullabies? I think Aaron liked this one."
Sayid's features softened as he sent the now-sleeping infant, a glance that was more tender and loving than Kate had ever seen from him.
"Or maybe he simply fell asleep so that he didn't need to listen to my singing any longer?" Sayid's voice was dead serious, but in his eyes, Kate saw a mischievous glint.
"I don't think so." She matched his serious tone. "I liked it, too. You have a nice voice, you know that?"
Sayid nodded slowly. He wasn't looking at her anymore, though. His eyes focused on some unspecified point on the wall in front of them instead.
"My brother had a nice voice," he spoke hollowly after a few seconds of silence. "He wanted to learn music, but our father wouldn't hear of it. I was not there when they argued about it, but Omer never mentioned music again after that day."
Kate immediately realized that the conversation would take a serious turn, whether she wanted it or not. She didn't mind it anymore, though.
"You never mention him," she encouraged gently. Sayid had never been eager to offer insight into his past, but he had shared some childhood anecdotes with her occasionally. Only now did she realize that there had been one person missing from all of them. "Your father, I mean."
Sayid flinched, so slightly that she almost missed it. Still, his eyes spoke volumes. It had always fascinated Kate that someone so quiet and reserved could express so much emotion only by his looks, especially when you already knew how to read them.
"There is nothing to mention," finally came the quiet answer. "The only thing I have ever learned from him was how not to treat your children. This, and how to hold a gun, of course. He was an officer in the Guard, too. A war hero. You can guess what it meant under the Ba'athist government."
Kate blinked several times as the realization finally dawned on her.
"You're not your father, Sayid. I hope you know that you're not," she whispered, drawing closer to her friend and staring hard into his eyes so that he could see that she meant every word.
The look Sayid sent her back was filled with so much self-doubt that it prompted her to finally make a decision she had been thinking about for the past few weeks.
"I want to tell you something, okay? I want to tell you about the man I killed."
Sayid's eyes widened in surprise. He remained quiet, however, and tactfully waited for her to go on.
Kate took her time. She carried Aaron to his crib, tucked him in, and returned to the couch, where she grabbed one of the pillows and hugged it tight. Finally, she took a deep breath and started talking. For the first time in her life, she told someone the truth about Wayne, about the way he had treated her mother and her, about how she had discovered she wasn't his stepdaughter but his daughter, and finally, about what all that knowledge had pushed her to do.
Sayid listened to her in silence, but she could see there was no disappointment or judgment in his eyes. When she was done, she was shaking, but when Sayid, still silent, moved closer and put an arm around her, she felt extreme relief wash over her, and she let her tears flow freely.
They never returned to the subject—neither of her father nor his—but Kate couldn't help but notice that Sayid's attitude towards Aaron began to change. Since that night, her friend stopped avoiding the boy; on the contrary, he would willingly approach him, talk to him and carry him in his arms. He even attempted playing, and, awkward as he initially was, to Kate it was extremely endearing.
Then, Kate realized that Sayid had started to change in other aspects as well. He seemed to become more relaxed, more likely to joke, even laugh. Once again, when she thought she had already known him, he was showing her aspects of his personality she hadn't expected to see. She couldn't help but wonder if this was who he was before all the horrible things that had happened in his life.
She liked him like this. She had liked him before, too, of course, but now, as she was yet again getting to know him anew, she was more and more fascinated with the man she was seeing. Maybe—she thought one evening, looking at Sayid who was trying to tickle Aaron's feet while the boy was squealing in delight—maybe the last meeting with Nadia had closed a certain stage in his life, but it was the moment he had begun to open himself up to Aaron that had marked the beginning of a new one.
Sadly, a new stage in her own life seemed to be drawing closer and closer, and it wasn't one she was looking forward to. The prospect of going to jail was becoming terrifyingly real, and Kate began collecting moments. She showed Aaron the city, even though she knew he was too little to understand or remember any of the things he was seeing. She took him to the beach (which wasn't at all like the one they used to live on, yet it still reminded her of that one all too much) to build sand castles and play in the ocean. Aaron would laugh and squeal every time water reached his little feet, and Kate's heart broke a little each time she realized she probably would not be there anymore when he was old enough to learn to swim on his own.
Sayid accompanied them when he could, and although he seemed to enjoy these days off—the trips, the talks, and the laughs, all the fun they shared with Aaron—sometimes, when he thought she wasn't looking, there was still a trace of sadness in his eyes. Kate wondered if he also feared the day when the little family life they had built together over the last few weeks would come to an end.
The thought of family inadvertently made her think about her mother. She had no hopes of forgiveness or even understanding, and if she could, she'd rather keep Aaron and herself away. However, if the worst came to worst, Diane Austen was the boy's only living relative (well, not exactly, but that secret was to remain hidden forever), and Kate couldn't ignore that fact. Still, she didn't attempt to reach out. Not yet, she fooled herself, because the truth was she was too afraid it would end as badly as her last attempt at reconciliation, and then she would be left with no hope at all.
A/N: If you'd like to hear Sayid's Iraqi lullaby, go to YouTube and search for my favorite version, performed live by the Iranian singer Mina Deris. The title of the video is "Arabic Lullaby • Female Voice of Iran".