AN: Because today is iloveM.A.D.B.'s birthday – happy birthday! – they get no cyber cookie for their callout on 'Clever Girl'. I hope you choke on your (insert flavor of cake), my fellow Leo. But I mean, that's a gimme ref, and you just got one yesterday. Let's keep an eye on those curves!

There's a bigger, more subtle reference in 32, and if anyone finds it, I'll give 'em a shoutout and a baker's dozen of Cyber Cookies. Steve's trying to cut back—Since right fucking now, you fat motherfucker!

Disclaimer: Bonesboy15 doesn't own Helluva Boss or Naruto. The following is a written work of fan-fiction. It contains adult language and situations. Reader discretion is advised.

One Knuckleheaded Glutton

Touch It (Remix) an Interlewd

Striker covered his head with a pillow as moans echoed through the house, his eye twitched all the while. A simultaneous chorus of dings rang out just a scant hour ago before the moaning started. Three voices in particular stuck out, and he was so fucking pissed that he could identify each and every one.

"M-Millie! Harder! Harder!"

"Yeah, take it, bitch! Mm! Fuck, that's a tight ass!"

"Ohh, Joe! Yeah, cut me!"

"What the fuck is wrong with these people?" Striker groaned as he pulled the pillow tight around his ears and rolled onto his side. He was going to demand a raise in the morning. He was not getting paid enough to deal with this.

"...If I kill him, Loony will hate me. If I kill him, Loony will hate me. If I kill him, Loony will hate me..." Blitzø kept repeating as he glared at the phone in his hand.

After the loss of his two phones to Valentino, he used the backup of his backup to field calls. The Voxtagram account was not signed out of. It allowed him to keep track of Loona and her 'perfect' guy – against his judgment, he followed the stupid fucks' OrangeFuchsRamen account; side note, what the fuck kind of shitty name was that?! Was it supposed to be a pun? It wasn't fucking funny! Foodies were gross!

Feh, Joe didn't know what he was talking about. Elysium semi-finalist. Yeah, sure. The Royal Kidnapper was like any other royal, even Stolas. Probably had some guards or something in his corner keeping him alive between rounds.

Anyway, once that alert came up of a new stream, he decided to check it out once all the moans started happening around the farm house.

Worst. Mistake. Of. His. Life.

"Loony will hate me...I'm gonna kill him. I've gotta. He's gotta die! He's making her cry! He's made her cry! FUCK!" Blitzø tossed the phone aside as his sweet Loony-Toony had a very loud orgasm and he buried his face into his hands. He flopped back onto the loaned bed and dragged his claws down his face. He felt his chest compact and his breathing increase and his eyes began to burn.

He's gonna take her away from me. He grit his teeth and draped an arm over his face. The video on the phone cut out and the silence of the night was broken by several orgasms happening throughout the house. Then his phone rang.

"Oh, fuck. What now?" He grumbled and went over to grab the device. The video was paused as a call name appeared in the top bar. The image it paused on was of Loona locking lips with The Kidnapper, her naked body basically on display. He closed his eyes and put the phone to hs ear. "What the fuck do you wa–?"

"Blitzy~...Do you need a distraction? Maybe...a vent?"

"...Fuck, yes."

"Don't move. I'll come get you."

"Unknown magical source detected in sector three."

"Ignore it." Lucia sighed as she went over some paperwork. She rubbed her eyes and glowered at the small video in the bottom corner of her six-screen setup within her office. The semi-finalist and some Hellhound were streaming a sex tape and given how popular the semi-finalist was, a good number of Wrath's population was embracing their inner lust. She wasn't surprised her household guest was going to do the same thing with his not-so-secret lover.

What? Stella practically screamed about his infidelity every chance she got. Of course Lucia would know he was going to fuck his little Imp Friend.

The fact she had cameras in his room was of no importance. She had cameras everywhere.

Every. Where.

"At least I'll have enough to cover another conjugal visit for Dave." She muttered, already thinking of a fee to request from Asmodeus for the amount of sex tapes she'd have.

"You really shouldn't watch this, Princess."

"Itachi, it's just sex. I want to see what the big deal is."

"...Princess, have you ever considered you may not see what the big deal is?"

"Given I've never partaken, no."

"Right. Well, from one ace to a potential other–"

"You're ace?!"

"Yes, and now the entire manor knows. Thank you...Goodnight, Princess."

"No, wait, Itachi! Fuck!"

Verosika Mayday's Tour Bus drove into the Wrath Ring for her requested performance at the coming Harvest Moon Festival special event, and the entire crew sat aboard staring at their phones. Including their head of security and Verosika's personal bodyguard. Tex frowned as he stared at the text he got from Bee.

(We need to talk)

He couldn't for the life of him think of what they'd need to talk about. Nothing on his end was wrong, which meant Bee either did something or wanted to do something that might affect their relationship. So long as it wasn't about ending the relationship, he was pretty cool with letting her do her own thing. Besides, she was a fucking Sin. She could do anything she wanted and he really couldn't do anything to stop her. He appreciated that she liked to pretend he had a say in things, but...the reality was that he didn't.

Honestly, he kind of liked it like that. The autonomy he had due to his job and the many freedoms he had because of his relationship with Bee were amazing. The sex was great, too, but...shit, she was a lot sometimes. He went with pretty much everything, and it only got weird when she sought out lube or food to bring into the 'two person tango'. Thankfully, she ate the food rather than anything else.

Well, there was that one time she ate him...shit, he was getting hard thinking about it. Maybe he could get her to revisit that brief venture into vore? They only stopped because the lazy (crazy) asshole that was her 'little brother' had walked in on them during the second time they tried the kink, when he was halfway in Bee's infinite stomach.

Hence the name 'Vore-Tex'. A name Tex had grown indifferent to, which was really fucked up in a way. It was a power move that he couldn't rebuff, a method that the smaller (slightly) and younger (?) Foxfiend used to remind Tex they weren't the same species or on the same level. A fact Tex always forgot whenever he saw the little bastard giving Bee attitude...And the way her honey-sweet scent changed whenever he did—

Nope, don't think about it. He growled and shook his head before he looked back at the phone. He sighed and sent a response.

(In Wrath for the Harvest Festival gig. Might be a few days.)

A beat before his phone vibrated again.

(Text me ur hotel room number; we r talking 2 nite)

Well, alright then. That's him told. He sent a thumbs up emoji and pocketed his phone. He didn't need to stress over this. It was probably just another 'prank' idea. That poor kid that got whisked up into Bee's bro's life was so in over her head.

"Asmodeus fucking– dammit!"

Uh-oh. Vee sounded pissed, unfortunately not a new sound since she got busted sending dirty pictures to Bee's brother's phone; an act that was nipped in the bud real fast. The second Bee received one of those texts, all of the Lust Demons were on thin ice. He was to an extent, but there were perks to dating the finance behind the talent.

Tex turned in his seat at the front of the bus to look back at his boss. She was squirming in her seat and watching a video on Kiki's phone. The others were doing similar things, the usual couples paired up and starting to gently tease each other. Damn, Tex had a great job; he basically got access to live and free porn most fuckers in Hell would pay buckets for.

"That lucky little bitch!"

"Vee, you've taken bigger cocks. " Kiki scoffed. She rested her head on the squirming pop star's shoulder. "Mm, but them cute tits, tho..."

"She's talking about the knot." Coco hummed as she stroked her girlfriend's pussy while the latter sat in her lap and held one of their phones up.

"She's talking about the guy attached to the knot." Josh snorted. He leaned on Ace, who stroked his hair as the white-haired incubus stroked him down south.

"What the fuck are you all bickering about?" Tex asked, his scarred eye arched.

"Bee's sexy little bro posted a sex-stream out of nowhere! Check it!" Milky came over and plopped in the seat beside him to show the video before he could express his disinterest. His brow furrowed when it started, it wasn't the little bastard that was visible first, but it was his girlfriend.

It was very hot, he hated to admit. Tex saw a cock that rivaled his in size (of what he could make out, anyway), watched as Bee's new favorite cute little pup – and she was cute in that sheltered Hound sort of way, bit shorter than Tex was into, though – got her rocks off, and watched a buck ass naked dipshit he didn't like treat the aforementioned pup like a goddamn queen. When it was replayed, against his wishes, he briefly imagined his sweet Bee in the cute little bitch's place and – oh, shit.

I think I know what Bee wants to talk about. He groaned and adjusted himself as Milky pressed against him to watch the video again. This was going to be a tough conversation for more than one reason.

"...This is what the humans call 'awkward', am I correct?"

"I don't believe so, Raphael."

"It is. It's very awkward. But I don't care. Fix my eyes."

"...The most I can advise is you washing them out."

"Fix. My. Eyes."

"Raquel, mind your tone."

"Brotherf–! Michael, I will slap you with my sword! Shut up! Raphael, fix me!"

The morning came too fucking quickly, and a grumbled murmur pulled Loona from her deep content slumber. She only got that much good sleep after she and Naruto fucked or if she had a good rubbing the night before, something she discovered on a lonely hand night a couple of weeks back. It was probably the latter, her cunt was sore and she wondered if she'd sleep-masturbated a bit too hard from the dream she had. Mm, thinking about it was going to get her wet again.

Fuck it; the dream started with her and Blitzø arguing and then her cute stupid boyfriend showed up because he got out for 'good behavior', then whisked her away from the stupid Imp ranch with prompting to fuck her stupid on camera in some hotel room, and was hers for the next few days. It was too good to be true. Ugh, she just wanted to sleep the rest of the week away until she could get her claws on her Foxfiend again. She wanted to ride his face like she did in her dream last night. She tugged at the sheet wrapped on her stomach and — ..that didn't feel like a sheet, it felt like a wrist.

"Whassat? ...sec-nds of chik-n? ...dun my dif I yes..."

She knew that sleepy mutter. She scented the air. A strong smell of sex hung out over everything, but under that was her scent and Violet-Almost Coconut. She tilted her head back and nudged her crown into a hard jawline that rumbled. A wet organ flicked out and tickled her notched ear and–

It wasn't a dream.

Loona felt her tail wag, it whapped into a lean set of thighs that led up into what she knew was a cute, tight ass. She rolled in Naruto's arms to hug him again. He absently rumbled – she loved his rumbles – as she scented and nipped at the tousled fur on his neck.

Here here here, mine mine mine, a somewhat still sleepy Loona thought as she added kisses and licks to her bout of morning affection. The Wriggler started to gain life beneath the sheets and a growing part of his anatomy that wrecked her in all the right ways the night before nudged into her thigh. Of course, that wrecking happened on his terms, when he was being a bad boy. She tolerated it, she deserved some sort of reward for dealing with his twisted sense of humor.

A wonderfully wicked idea suddenly sprouted into her head and she was just sleep drunk enough to go through with it.

She lowered her head away from the jawline she loved to tease so much, and affectionately kissed, scented or nipped her way down his neck to his chest. There was a faint resistance as his arms tried to tighten around her and keep her in place, but she managed to slip through without waking him. The sad little whine that escaped him when she did plucked what few heartstrings she had left and she almost abandoned the plan, but then his cock rubbed against her stomach as he shifted in his sleep.

Mission accepted, no turning back now.

She kept descending until she was under the covers and face to face with her – ...favorite? No, his face was pretty nice and his nose had Boop powers. ...Second favorite? No, The Wriggler and his ass were tied in that regard. Third favorite? ...Third favorite. – third favorite part of his anatomy. It wasn't fully erect, just in that almost ready state morning wood got it in, but that just meant she would have a bit more time to re-familiarize herself with it.

She gently took it into her claws and pushed her nose to the deflated base. Musky Violet and Coconut was quickly becoming one of her favorite scents. It was so good, she needed a taste. Her tongue came out and brushed against the tip once, twice – whoa, that's some gratification time. The cock was at full mast, swollen and throbbed in her strained grip. Her boyfriend let out a whimper and his hips pumped towards her.

"I missed you, too." She whispered around a smirk and guided the Foxfiend to lay on his back. The Wriggler strained where it got pinned under his leg, but that wasn't her problem. She steadied the cock in front of her and gently pecked the head as she started to stroke him. Slowly down, then back up. A prolonged peck of her lips or a dragged out lick.

It didn't take long for Naruto to start to stir.

"Wh–Loon?"

In lieu of answering, she captured the hot, thick head of his cock in her lips and sucked.

"Sh–fuck!" Ah, the whine was music to her ears. Loona felt her tail wag and started a slow bob down the pillar in her grasp. She paused only when he lifted the sheet from his waist and squinted at her. "L-Loona?!"

"Mm-m-mwah." She made a show of pulling her mouth off, licking her lips as she gripped his cock and nuzzled it with her muzzle. She smiled at him through half-lidded eyes. "Morning, Babe."

"Wh-Morn-morning. Hey. Uh, hi." Fuck, her boyfriend was an adorable doofus. Big blue eyes stared at her, the haze of sleep mixed with dazed arousal. "What, um...Can I ask why?"

"Really?" She arched an eyebrow as she gently stroked his cock. He let out a sharp whine and The Wriggler struggled under his leg. She gave the phallus a gentle kiss and he whimpered. "You don't want it to just happen?"

"...Question retracted, as you were." His head flopped back and the covers fell. She huffed out a laugh before she went back to rousing out a morning protein shake. Oh, wait, she gently nipped at the skin by the base to make him hiss and throw the covers up again. "Loona!"

"You're not snapping my collar this time. Just let me work." She pushed her lips to the spot she nipped and kept her eyes locked with his as she did. "Mwah...okay?"

"Yeah, fine, sure. Just...just no biting, alright? Fuck." His head flopped back again and she heard him grumble something similar to 'crazy sexy bitch', to which she smirked. Oh, she'd bite him only if she needed to; after all, if she broke her toy, she couldn't play with it anymore. She learned that lesson in the Orphanage.

Speaking of play, she had a breakfast shake to drink and a chorus to listen to. She closed her mouth around him and started to suck again.

"Loona." Her boyfriend moaned her name. Not some pop star, not the name of a porn star; he moaned her name. It was so fucking empowering, damn near on par with alcohol with how intoxicating it was. It made her so wet, so excited, so–Hey, what the shit? Where did the covers go–Whoa!

"Babe!" Loona gasped as she was pulled up by her armpits. Like she was a fucking child! His lips pressed to her cheek and she growled at him. "I told you–!"

Boop.

...This fucking cheater. He was not allowed to use the sanctity of the Boop against her like that! Her growl petered out and he pecked her lips.

"I know, and thank you, but I'm hungry, too."

He rumbled as he nibbled at her lip. Fucking cheating cute sonovabitch. His rumble turned into a growl and her tail whipped about wildly behind her – fucking traitor! – as his claws teased her now accessible Spot on her side. She whined.

"Naruto–!" She wanted her breakfast! She earned it, dammit!

"Turn around, Loon. You'll get your breakfast." He growled into her notched ear and rolled his hips up so that his cock stroked right past–Fuck! That was her clit, shit, fuck that felt great. – oh fuck, he was not allowed to do that to her ear. It was cheating! "And I'll eat mine. Fair?"

Fuck...she whimpered as he continued to tease her with nips, nibbles and gentle thrusts. If what her hazy mind understood was correct, he wanted to sixty-nine. They'd only done that once – a month ago, before he was taken from her – just to try it, and any other time it came up as a possibility that week, they were already moving on to something different.

Her tail wagged wildly. Damn traitor. It was lucky he liked it so much or she'd get it docked.

"Fair."

AN: Okay, there, the horny is expelled! ...For now…

We'll move on plot-wise tomorrow.

Now, I am currently suffering from some kind of food poisoning – possibly an allergic reaction – so I'm going to go get my stomach pumped...What do you mean our insurance doesn't cover that? ...Alright, backup plan: Steve, we need a plunger, a hose, a gerbil with catchy theme music, and possibly a Man-Slave. ...No, you don't count, you get paid in 'crackers', remember?

It's just fucking fan fiction.