Edward POV: Bella remained human timeline
Bella was finally asleep, but I could not feel peaceful with her. It had been one of her bad days. Most of her days were becoming bad days anymore. I gazed at her sleeping form, her breath steady and her features finally relaxed as she slumbered in her soft bed. I sat in a chair by the dresser, my usual spot while she slept, her ever present guardian. Earlier today she had thought that I was an intruder, a common human cad who she believed had broken into her home to rob her. My Bella was slipping away from me. Pain burned through my entire being. Her decline had been going on for some time, but this was getting far worse. The Alzheimer's diagnosis was about 7 years ago now, and despite every medical treatment available (and not yet publicly available thanks to Carlisle) she was losing herself.
My gaze lingered on the fresh bruises blooming under her paper-thin skin. The anticoagulants she takes to prevent stroke have a very unfortunate side effect of making her bruise more easily. As if she weren't fragile enough. I remembered a time when she was young and I'd thought her fragile then, like silk over glass. Now she was as fragile as a soap bubble, and I was afraid to touch her at all. I looked with hatred at my stone-like hands. How many times had I wished I could be human again for her. Now my very physical firmness injures her. Even carrying her results in bruising, no matter how gentle I try to hold her. Just her weight against my unyielding flesh is enough, so I've resolved to pad myself by wearing thick sweaters and mittens while handling her. So far it has helped, but today when she lashed out at me, her eyes wild and lost, she swung to hit me and I had to wrap her in an embrace – to constrain her and prevent her from injuring herself. I shook my head to clear the memory.
It wasn't always this way. Many, many years ago, after we fell in love in high school, I had helped Bella get enrolled at Dartmouth, where she and I studied together. Those years of our lives together were the best we ever had. The news of Jacob and Leah's wedding reached us a year later and we joyfully flew home for the ceremony. He had imprinted on Leah shortly after Bella left Forks. Everything seemed right with the universe and we all settled into a wonderful peace that was no one had seen since the treaty was first established all those years ago. Bella graduated with a history degree and accepted a role as professor at a large university. I'd never seen her happier than the days she came home to me after a long day of teaching. She grew older of course, and I… remained the same. We got to enjoy life as a couple in public for the first years, but before long people started to notice our growing age differences, and so I presented myself as her son. How else would I explain our closeness without having the police called? The years continued to pass. Later the public story had to change to me as her grandson. And now, Carlisle presents her grandson and I am her live-in caregiver.
Rosalie had been thrilled when Bella refused to marry me. It meant she would remain human. I should have been happy, I did get my way after all when Bella finally gave up pursuing immortality and embraced a life with me, whatever that meant. I remembered our first trip to Europe and almost smiled. She'd heard about the children of the moon and of course Bella being Bella, wanted to go see for herself if the superstitions were true. We'd flown across the world and trekked the mountains of Siberia. It's much easier than it sounds when you have access to unlimited supplies and resources, but it was not something I agreed to at first. Of course, eventually I gave in. How can I deny her what she wants? After she was satisfied we would not find anything there, we toured the globe hunting for evidence of other cryptids. We learned of a coven of real honest-to-God witches on the outskirts of Glascow, actually tracked down a Faerie (they're not as pretty as they are portrayed in the storybooks), and with Emmett's "help", almost accidentally took down Bigfoot. I'm not sure what color his eyes would have been if he'd gotten his way and finished him off.
Bella groaned and turned over, still deep asleep. How I wish I could join her there in the bed, but my presence frightens her anymore if she wakes up and I'm right there beside her. So I remain ever watchful at my post, safely far away where I can't hurt her. My eyes fell on a vase of tulips and springtime flowers on the dining table near the little kitchen. Alice comes by often to visit, and when she does, she always brings fresh flowers to replace the ones from her last visit, even if there is not a single petal wilted. She said it makes her feel better knowing Bella has something sweet smelling and beautiful to remind her of her best friend and sister of sorts. Alice was hurting too, to see Bella reduced to her current state. We all were.
The morning came and our daily ritual began. Bella smiled at me and I smiled back while giving her her bath. Though her body was wrinkled and frail, all I saw was my beautiful Bella. I helped her dress and assisted with breakfast. Afterward, we went for our morning walk to the park. The sun was hidden behind the clouds as it usually is here, but Alice had seen that there was no danger of rain today. The earthy smell seemed to lift her spirits and she eagerly looked up at the trees, hoping to spot a bird or squirrel, perhaps. It was beginning to look like today would be a good day. Please God, let her have a good day.
"Where's Alice?" Bella asked.
"She's helping Rosalie move into her new dorm. She and Emmett are freshman in college now."
"Oh. Right."
Bella and I sat on a park bench and she tossed some seed to the birds that I bought along for her, her lightly tremoring hands cupping the seeds and tossing them to let them scatter on the walkway to the excited birds. We sat there, enjoying the sights and sounds of the park. After a while, I stood up to take her back home. A jogger was running by at that moment, the same time as a bicyclist came barreling by. The jogger unexpectedly jumped backward to avoid him, nearly falling onto Bella's seated form. It was no effort at all to move at human speed to grab his shoulder to help him right himself, but Bella must have had a long-buried memory triggered. The jogger apologized profusely for nearly falling on my "grandmother" but Bella threw her hands up and began screaming.
"James! Vampire! Vampire! He's a VAMPIRE!" Bella lashed out and shrieked, trying to claw at the frightened bystander, her thin muscles tight and her face twisted.
Panicked, I knelt at her feet and took her hands in mine while frantically trying to calm her. "Bella! Bella! It's ok, I'm here! I'm here…" I soothed her hair and kissed her forehead. My insides seethed. Bella was reliving the event when James nearly took her life all those years ago. It's a moment I wish I could scrub from her memory forever. I'd do anything to erase it, make it as if it'd never happened. It was my fault she'd come so close to death. So close to immortality. So close. My fault. Bella screamed insults and profanity as the jogger apologized again and hurried away. This was not Bella. My Bella never cursed or used profanity, not in a million years. Not knowing what else to do, I scooped her up and ran home. It wouldn't look unnatural except for my pace. She was so thin now, so frail, any 17 year old boy could have lifted her as I did. I flashed us back to her familiar place in our home and set her down in her favorite recliner chair. I turned the TV on to stream Pride and Prejudice, her favorite film, and left the room to stand in the hallway. Years of painful trial and error taught me to leave her alone when these episodes come on to let it pass, or she may in her delusional state come to think me someone there to harm her. I flinched internally. I have harmed her. Not intentionally but that doesn't matter. My cold, firm hands and swift departure with her from the park would surely leave new bruises. I buried my face in my hands and slid my back down the wall to sit on the floor.
Bella was humming now, a soft kind sound that starkly contrasted the shrieking just moments earlier. As if just minutes ago she wasn't screaming and accusing a stranger of being a vampire. It wasn't the first time something had triggered her memory and, her mind now unfiltered, let slip the secret my kind works so hard to keep away from humans. Once I had feared the Volturi would come, but anyone seeing her in these fits now would only think it the fantasy of a feeble, aging mind with an active imagination. She was in no danger from them, Alice had confirmed that.
Almost as if on que, a soft knock at the door broke my dark chain of thoughts.
"Come in!" Bella almost sang.
The door slowly creaked open and Alice tentatively peeked her head in. Her expression was blank and her movements calculated as she stepped inside and closed the door behind her. In her hands was a box of take-out from a nearby Italian restaurant. She had come alone, as usual. Jasper seldom came by much anymore; the atmosphere was just too hard for him to handle.
"Hi Bella! I brought you some lunch, thought you might be hungry."
I don't know what I ever did in a past life to deserve Alice. She always comes at just the right time to help when things get difficult. Alice looked up from Bella and gave me a tired smile, as if she were the mind reader and heard my appreciation.
"Thanks Alice," I glumly said as I got to my feet and went to help Bella to the table. I suddenly felt as if my body weighed 1000 lbs, and I was very tired.
Bella popped open the container and savored the smell before taking a bite. "Oh Alice, you must stay for dinner. We are having the Clearwaters over for fish fry tonight and Jacob is bringing his guitar to play by the bonfire," Bella offered while she ate. The Clearwaters were on vacation in Norway and had been gone for weeks, and Jacob hadn't picked up his guitar in decades.
Alice and I exchanged looks. "I'd love to Bella," Alice smiled sweetly and sincerely, but it did not reach her eyes. There was no use correcting Bella anymore, her mind was beyond that. It was best just to play along and let her enjoy her fantasy, however long it lasts. Alice stayed while Bella enjoyed her mushroom ravioli and settled down for a nap after a pleasant chat. Once I was sure she was asleep, I collapsed into Alice's ready arms. If vampires could cry, there wouldn't have been a drop of moisture left in my body. She shushed me and soothed my hair as she rocked me like a child. Alice and I were the freaks of the family and our gifts gave us a special bond. She understood the pain I was enduring because she'd seen it first hand through her visions. She'd known this was coming for Bella, and so I'd know as well. A knowledge that tormented me before Bella even began having any symptoms, but that only made me more resolved to be there for her and provide any comfort I can while her short remaining time on this earth lasts.
"I think I'm losing it, Alice. At the park today –"
Alice held me tighter. "I know. I saw."
"What am I going to do? You have to tell me! How do I help her?" I pleaded. We'd had this conversation before, of course, and just like before, she had little comfort to offer. She knew as well as I that Bella's life was nearing its end. She repeated the words Carlisle had told me many times as well.
"You're doing all you can do. Look at her Edward, here with you she knows she is loved and has people who care for her. You gave her a full, wonderful life of love, adventure and happiness. She's alive now because of you and you're love for her. She chose a human life, knowing human lives are precious and fragile, and above all else she chose to spend it with you."
"I don't want to lose her." My voice broke and I shuddered under the weight of that looming reality. I was being crushed by it.
"Go hunt. You shouldn't let yourself go this long between feeding, it's isn't good for you or Bella. I'll stay with her."
Alice was right, as always. It had been a long time since my last hunt. How long had it been, 3, 4 weeks? Longer? My eyes were black with thirst but Bella's blood had lost its hold over me long ago. I still burned near her, but it was a controlled burn. The pain intermingling with other pain to the point I cannot tell them apart anymore. It's a sacrifice I gladly make. The pain of being away from her for even a moment is nearly unbearable, knowing any moment might be her last. I sighed.
"Fine. I'll only be gone an hour." I mentally calculated the distance to the forest and how fast I could drink and return.
"Not a chance, we're going full continental buffet for you, brother." Emmett had entered through the front door and I hadn't even noticed. Maybe they were right, I was slipping. Alice must have tipped him off that I wasn't taking care of myself. I need to be strong and alert for Bella. Danger had blessedly stopped haunting her footsteps years ago but that didn't mean trouble was not far off. If I missed something… That decided it. Alice would stay with Bella to paint her nails when she wakes from her nap and I would go with Emmett for some long overdue self-care. Even so, I worried.
Emmett was silent as we raced through the woods, his usual energetic charisma stashed away as he glanced hesitantly over his shoulder at me. You look like absolute shit.
"Do I?" I saw my reflection in his eyes even as we ran. He was right, I was a mess. I hadn't bothered changing my clothes for several days and my hair was unkempt. It was very unlike my usual character. I typically like to keep up appearances for Bella but the last few days have been especially difficult. I made a mental note to clean myself up before Esme sees me like this. It would make her worry even more than she already does for me.
We ended up enjoying a "buffet" after all. Emmett found us a nice herd of elk and nearby there were about 4 bears down by the river. On our way back I caught the scent of a mountain lion and a few wolves. I took the lion but left the wolves. It didn't seem right to kill them, given our alliance with the Quileutes. I already felt my strength returning and breathed deeply, taking in the scents of the forest. I hated that my needs cost me even a second of my time with Bella. Every second was precious. I imagined an hourglass with tiny grains of sand, falling one by one. Emmett gave my shoulder a pat and tried to smile reassuringly. He knew I didn't feel like talking so we didn't. He followed as I ran back to Bella.
Alice was standing in the doorway when we returned. That wasn't a good sign. She held a finger to her lips to indicate we should be quiet and motioned inside. I flew to the doorway and looked for Bella. She was back in her chair, this time with a crossword puzzle on her lap, though she was just drawing circles on it. One word was started but trailed off, unfinished. Paper towels covered in nail polish were in the trash and the smell of it was thick in the air. The bottle must have been spilled. Alice confirmed this. "We were doing our nails when she got a little agitated," Alice said, looking at Bella. "She took the bottle and poured it on the floor and began to spread it around…" Alice's expression turned to concern. "I tried to take it away and clean her up but she got upset and began yelling so I helped her to her chair. I'm sorry."
I felt a pang of guilt for Alice. She should not be worrying herself or feeling bad for things out of her control, that's my job. "It's ok Alice, I've got it from here. Thanks Emmett, you both can go home now."
Emmett scoffed. "No way, you're not getting rid of me that easily. I'm staying. I want to see my little sister." I sighed in defeat and went to get the nail polish remover.
"Hey beautiful," Emmett cooed as he approached her. She looked at him with an awkward smile and a slightly confused expression. "Oh, hello." She appraised his wardrobe and pointed to the kitchen. "I'm glad you're here, the dishwasher's been acting up. It's on the left by the fridge." Emmett's face went blank. She thinks I'm the repair man. She doesn't recognize me. The sudden wave of distress that came over Emmett was almost palpable. I was used to it but he wasn't prepared for how much worse her condition had deteriorated. He brushed it off in his usual style and settled onto the floor beside her, already making mental notes to buy himself some new clothes with Rosalie. "Already fixed it up. Mind if I join you? What puzzle are you working on there?" He played it off well but I could see though his charade of cheerfulness. Thankfully Bella didn't. He helped her complete the puzzle while Alice and I cleaned the remainder of the nail polish off the floor and off her fingers. Bella started babbling about wanting to get up and go to work at the university but Emmett gently redirected the conversation until she forgot about it. I kissed her hair and touched his shoulder in thanks. Bella scowled at the rags in the trash and mumbled something about kids being wasteful.
They stayed for dinner and said goodbye after a watching few re-runs on TV with us. Bella hugged each of them and shivered. "Tell your mother to come visit sometime! I still have her casserole dish and I want the recipe for that pasta she brought me earlier today," Bella said. Alice hugged Bella again, very gently as her small frame looked thin enough to snap. Her joints and bones creak and pop with little movement as it is. Emmett looked afraid to hug her but laid his hands gingerly on her back and let her do the hugging. "See you later, little sister."
"You kids are so ridiculous, what a funny nick name," she grinned and waved goodbye as they disappeared into the night. "Such nice kids. I'm glad you have such nice friends, Fredrick" she said to me. Fredrick had been her student assistant. He was a lawyer now. I tried to smile. "Yes, we're very lucky to have them."
We watched a little more TV until I was sure she was tired enough to sleep. She and I sat together on the sofa, her bony body tucked close to mine, wrapped in a blanket to keep my chill from bothering her. She stays cold so much more now that her circulation is poor. I heard her take a deep breath and yawn widely. She mumbled my name while staring into space. "Edward, the ferry is leaving, we'll have to hurry." I stroked her hair and kissed her cheek, not wanting to feed into her delusions any more today. She suddenly took my hand in hers and squeezed it tightly, almost as if she were afraid I might drift away. "I love you, Edward," she said softly. My breathing hitched and I laid my cheek against her head. "I love you too, Bella. Forever."
It took a moment for my eyes to readjust to the environment around me. My body was tense and my nerves tight as I tried to gain a sense for my surroundings. I was sure I was just now sitting on the couch with Bella, watching the television and dreading the future. Pain was fresh and real coursing through me, but something was missing. The usual burning I felt whenever I was in proximity to Bella was not there. I was immediately on alert and leapt to my feet but strong hands held me down. "Chill, bro! Where's the fire?" He's completely lost his mind. Knew it would happen eventually. Emmett barked a laugh and held me town. My mind raced trying to make sense of what had just happened. "What is going on? Where is Bella?!" I thought briefly of fighting off Emmett but some part of my brain told me I was missing something obvious.
I took inventory of the room. I was at home. Not Bella and I's home, but my home in Forks. The home we played human family while attending Forks High school, where Bella and I met. Nothing had changed. But hadn't everything been moved after we left for Dartmouth? Carlisle and Esme had gone to the Caribbean, Rosalie and Emmett were settling in at their new dorms and Alice and Jasper were pretending to be newly wed high school sweet hearts. I closed my eyes and shook my head. When I opened them I saw Alice right in my face. "Relax! It was only a vision!" She almost shouted after seeing my unexpected reaction. I blinked. "I wanted to show you what the future would hold for you both if Bella remains human. She suffers, Edward. Do you see now?"
I didn't know how to speak. Or how to breath. Or how to anything. I think Emmett is right, maybe this is what it's like to completely lose your mind. "Bella is…" I began but Carlisle interrupted me. "Bella is perfectly fine, Edward." He glanced at Alice with concern. "Alice has discovered a new faucet of her gift she has been toying with and wanted to show you. She can see the results of decisions in the long term, any timeline. It's quite fascinating, though I do wish she'd not been so thorough with this vision. I can see how much it has upset you. What happens in that future?"
I gripped my chest where my heart should be. Can vampires have heart attacks? I felt like I just might. But first there was something I had to do before anything else is said or done. Someone I HAD to see. Immediately. "She's not at home, Edward!" Alice shouted but I was already out the window and flying across the lawn toward the woods in the direction of Bella's house. A quick vision crossed her mind and I saw where Bella was. I came to a dead stop and grabbed my chest again, pain wracking through me, but it was nothing like that pain I was living just moments ago while trapped in Alice's vision of the future, watching Bella wasting away before me. I changed direction in milliseconds and dashed for the opposite direction, toward La Push. Treaty or no treaty, I needed to see Bella and hold her in my arms.
What Alice had shown me was more than I ever wanted to see and I felt sick with myself for ever wanting to force Bella to remain human. Thanks to her, I'd seen firsthand what my selfishness would eventually do to Bella. She never married, never had children, and to the outside world lived alone with barely any family and only a teenage caregiver and his friends for company. If she remained human, Bella was going to die long before her body finally gave out. Her "self" would be long gone before death would take her and I would have a front row seat to her slow demise. I pushed myself harder now, running faster than I ever had before. I imagined again the hourglass, every grain of sand a precious moment, seconds of her life, falling away. I wasn't far now and felt a thrill run through me at the anticipation of what I was about to do. I would make her the offer I had once vowed to myself never to make. Now, I just hoped with every fiber of my being that she hasn't changed her mind.