"Addie, hey, can we go somewhere to talk?" She rushes after her chosen sister, finally locating the ginger.
It's about time she spoke to Addison about all of this, after the half-conversations they've been having for the past few weeks since her and Arizona's first date. Speaking to Addison at length would make it real and serious, and she had put it off for as long as possible, but Amelia realizes it's inevitable to open up now. Plus, she could really use some sisterly advice. It was time to bring out the big guns.
Her recent dates with Arizona have been… Perfect? Could that be? It sure felt that way. This very morning, she woke up in Derek's secretly expropriated trailer to the smell of brewing coffee and cinnamon rolls. Turns out Arizona snuck the ingredients in her purse last night, and woke up early to prepare Amelia's favorite delectable pastry. As if that weren't enough, she proceeded to feed Amelia off her buttery fingers, then licked away the remnants with her skilled kittenish tongue. Amelia tackled her to the bed after that, tried to torment her with tickles until Arizona would surrender and finally have sex with her, but the Peds surgeon simply refused. To make matters worse, she then braided Amelia's hair while whispering naughty suggestions in her ear, the bastard.
So, it was time to consult with Addison.
"What's up, Amy?" Addison asks her happily, entwining their arms together and taking her to a more secluded table at the cafeteria.
"So… About Arizona Robbins," she starts to the sound of Addison crunching on potato chips. "Thoughts?"
"I have many thoughts, yes," she replies smartly, smirking. "Do you?"
"I have too many thoughts, Addie, that's why I need you."
"Well, honey, why don't we start from the top?" Crunch. "How have your dates been going?"
"Perfect. Perfect, Addie. I've never felt that way." And it's true, really, she hasn't. Amelia knows herself well enough to recognize how quickly and deeply and idiotically she can fall in love, but this is decidedly not one of those times. This is different, because Arizona is different. Arizona doesn't take advantage of how readily Amelia is willing to devote herself to her, doesn't exploit the way Amelia would give her anything she wanted. No, she's careful with her, calculated almost, and gentle. It makes Amelia want things she never did before.
"Care to elaborate?"
"Well, we've been on five actual dates by now, if you don't count the little on-call room sleepovers. We even went ice-skating, which was when I realized her heelie skills do not really translate to ice, so we ended up drinking hot cocoa by the rink and talking about all the possible ways to injure yourself ice-skating and what kind of surgeries would be required."
It took them two full hours to get through the list, and by the time they finished, they were kicked out of the rink by a disgruntled teenager. Amelia still cannot forget how beautiful Arizona looked in a beanie and with cold red cheeks, how sweet Arizona had tasted then, how she sucked on the tiny marshmallows then stuck her tongue so far down Amelia's throat that she got a sugar rush.
"Sounds almost too good to be true," Addison laughs through another potato chip, looking at her with such kind eyes Amelia wants to burst.
"It is, Addie!" She almost yells. "It feels too fucking good to be true, and I'm so scared I'm in over my head."
She is. She is way in over her own short head. Arizona Robbins is… Everything. And if there's anything at all that Amelia knows how to do, it's ruin everything. What she does best is destroy things so badly that nobody wants to look her in the eye anymore, that people prefer to walk away from her than even confront her. She has wrecked any relationship that could have potentially resulted in her happiness, torn it to shreds and left people scarred. By sheer miracle alone Addison has continued loving her throughout the years, even when her biological family has all but given up on her.
"What are you so scared of, Amy? Even if you hadn't told me anything, judging only by the way she's looking at you right now across the room, it seems to me the feelings are very much mutual."
Okay, see, the thing is, Amelia is very much aware Arizona is looking at her. Amelia is never not aware when Arizona Robbins is in the room. Over the past few months she has developed a sixth sense for locating the blonde wherever she is in the hospital, and an ever more acute awareness of when she's being looked at by her. If she had to give it some poetic description, Amelia would have compared Arizona's gaze to a ray of sunshine through a glass window. Precise, vigilant, and oh so warm.
"It's not really about whether she feels the same way, Addie, it's about whether she should. She's sitting there with Callie Torres, who can give her a life I cannot provide her right now, and maybe ever. I'm Hurricane Amelia, remember? Who's to say I won't tornado all over her and fuck it all up? I don't know what she thinks I'm offering here, I don't even know myself. Every time we're together, every minute we spend, this voice in my head keeps reminding me that I'm the screw up. The black Shepherd sheep. That she's so much better off with a woman who's perfectly nice, and pretty, and who's willing to date publicly."
She's aware of her flaws, sincerely. Amelia knows more than anyone all the ways in which a drug addict and alcoholic can mess up a good thing. Hell, even without her addictions, she's not much of a solid rock to count on or lean against. She's been a pendulum her entire life, swinging left then a swift harsh right, taking casualties along as she went. She's… neurotic, and she either talks way too much about her feelings or not at all, and she prefers to solve things with jokes and sex, and she has an unshakable and often misguided belief that she can fix anything she decides to. Those aren't exactly the qualities of a life partner to a successful Pediatric surgeon at one of the country's best hospitals. It's not what Arizona Robbins deserves.
"Listen," Addison suddenly turns serious after her short rant, taking her hand. She loves her chosen sister so much, filled to her heart's brim by the way her simple touch always calms her down. She loves how Addie always regards her so seriously, never like a baby, taking whatever diatribe Amelia goes on at face value. "I need you to listen very carefully, Amy, really. I need you to listen to me when I tell you that you're perfect. That any woman or man or anyone at all would be so lucky to love you, and even luckier to be loved by you. When you were eight I chose to be your sister, and I've never since regretted that choice, do you hear me? Being in your life, watching you grow, seeing you become the woman you are today, has been my greatest privilege. So if I ever hear you say that someone is better off loving someone else, that someone you love is better off loving somebody who isn't you, I'm gonna knock you over with your brother's very expensive golf clubs. Then with Mark's expensive squash rackets just to be on the safe side. Callie Torres is incredible, she's my friend and I genuinely like her a lot, but she has nothing on you, kid. Robbins is the one in over her head, not you. You're in a league of your own, Amelia Shepherd, don't you ever forget that."
She needed this tonight. She needed this evening of letting loose, of having fun with a friend, of not caring so much all the time. Dating two girls at once is not all it's cracked up to be, especially when the need to make a fucking decision keeps looming above her like a threatening little shoulder devil, reminding her that however this ends she'll be losing a very wonderful woman. Arizona knows too well how this may sound to an outsider, especially now that she has spent an entire evening drunkenly retelling every sordid detail to Teddy as they consumed an alarming amount of wine. Saying all of it out loud made her feel like the world's most idiotic idiot.
"Arizona you're being an ass, you've already made up your mind," Teddy laughed at her, following a rant in which, looking back, Arizona acknowledges she had dedicated a disproportionate amount of time to describing Amelia Shepherd's various wonderful attributes and very little time to explaining why there's even a debate between her and Callie. She was unsure whether or not she should reveal Amelia's identity, never being one to out another person, but Teddy was so sweet and shared her own love story with her late friend/lover Allison, that Arizona felt obliged to offer a piece of herself too.
In Teddy's defense, she listened very carefully, if not soberly, and pitched in questions and ideas while Arizona tried to list off the pros and cons of each candidate. As if this was the freaking Bachelorette and she only had one rose to give out. Truth be told, she recognizes that her feelings for Amelia go deeper, her attraction to her stronger, the joy she derives from being with her more pronounced. But Calliope is… Good for her, is what she explains to Teddy and to herself over and over again.
Callie Torres is such a wonderful option, such a great woman to have in her life, such a sweet and funny energetic person who Arizona can really see herself spending life with. Callie is, for lack of a better word, predictable. She wants a partnership of equals, she wants to go dancing and drink expensive wine and go to sleep at a reasonable hour and get to work on time despite a slight hangover. Callie is an increasingly respected surgeon, someone who could really become a pioneer in her field, and doesn't need to wait more than 4 years to get dark blue scrubs. She has them. She's already on the path towards which Amelia only seems to be marching. Callie is a safer bet, a not at all bad choice, a nice comfortable decision.
But Amelia Shepherd is… She's a wild card. She drives Arizona absolutely mad. She makes her head spin and her tummy flip and she makes her wish she had an inclination towards any form of creative writing so she'd be able to wax poetic about the many many many ways in which she makes Arizona feel. She's a hurricane.
And as Teddy said so eloquently, Arizona's an ass.
A knock at the door disrupts their most recent bout of laughter, and she and Teddy stare at each other for a moment, unable to decide which of them, if any, should get up.
"Arizona?" They hear through the door and through the sound of the movie playing on screen, and Arizona's heart stops when she realizes who's on the other side.
"Ooh, your lover is here," Teddy teases her, jabbing a finger at her chest.
"Stop that, she can hear you!" She stage-whispers back, getting up to open the door.
"Hey," Amelia says with a coy smile, her hands shoved deep into her jean pockets and her shoulders scrunched up in shyness. She's the picture of youth and beauty.
"You here for me?" Teddy shouts at her from the couch. "I swear I wasn't pulling any moves on your women, it was all platonic," she bursts into giggles. It would be cute if it weren't so mortifying. What the hell, Theodora?!
"Umm… I should probably go," Amelia stutters when she realizes they're definitely not alone, but Arizona would so like for her to stay now that she's here, she's having none of it and pulls Amelia inside before she even finishes the sentence.
"Nonsense," she tells her, setting Amelia down on the sofa near Teddy. "Teddy, aren't we so happy that Amelia's here?"
"At least one of us sure is," Teddy replies laughing and trying to wiggle her eyebrows without much success, then chugging the rest of her wine glass. "I think I'm going to excuse myself, you girls have fun."
In the blink of an eye, or what feels like one, Teddy has gathered her things and leaves them to their own devices. Which is great, really, except for the fact Arizona is feeling extremely aware of the fact this is the first time Amelia has ever been to her apartment, and they're there alone now, and she's had the perfect amount of red wine to lower her inhibitions but not make her a total unintelligible embarrassment.
"What brings you here, Shepherd?" She asks Amelia, coming to sit next to her after locking behind Teddy.
"Oh, umm… I just…" Amelia is so cute when she stammers and fidgets with her fingers. "I just felt like I wanted to see you, I guess I should have called before showing up."
"No! I'm happy you're here." She was, really, she very much was. "I've been… Talking about you tonight."
"What were you saying?" Amelia asks her with a small smirk.
"Just general things, you know, about you and about… kissing you." Is she as drunk as she sounds right now? She should probably stop talking.
"What were you saying about kissing me, Arizona?" Amelia asks her with that rasp she gets in her voice when she's riled up and heated.
"Oh, all kinds of things. I was telling Teddy that when you kiss me I feel like I could die happy, but also that I never want to die, because I want to keep kissing you forever. I should shut up now." She really should, because this is already way too much information to be divulging so freely. All truth, but still.
"Say more," Amelia practically commands, getting up only to resettle on Arizona's lap with a knee on each side of her. This is so nice, right here, having Amelia's weight on her, around her, having Amelia close enough to smell the intoxicating scent of her perfume and shampoo, and to see that flush she gets on her cheeks whenever they're about to kiss.
"I was telling Teddy how…" Arizona starts with a gulp, twirling one of Amelia's black locks around her finger, "how when we spend time together I feel like I'm drowning in you, but also like I have more air than my lungs can take in."
"More," Amelia asks, leaning down so their lips would be a breath away.
"I told her… I talked about how much it's killing me…" Arizona can feel the air catching in her throat as she tries to get the words out, and her hands lifting on their own to tangle in Amelia's long hair. "I said it's killing me not being able to have sex with you, because the way you look and sound when you come has been haunting my dreams recently. I want to be the one to make your eyes roll that way, and to make you breathless, and to make that… that pink flush on your chest show."
"Take me," Amelia breathes against her, bearing down and grinding on her lap, her voice barely above a whisper as she grips Arizona's neck. "Please, Ari, take me to bed."
"Okay," she says before she can hold it back. "Okay," she says again and she nods right into Amelia's lips, affirming she'd probably donate her still beating heart to Amelia if she asked her to. Then the rest of her organs, for good measure. "Okay," she says repeatedly into their kiss, their lips meeting again and again and again. "Okay," she says while getting off the couch with Amelia around her. "Okay," she says as she bumps into a couch and a side table and a wall on the way to her bedroom, refusing to stop, to ever stop kissing Amelia Shepherd. "Okay," she says, finally setting the precious cargo down at the center of her bed.
"Okay," Amelia laughs back, her hair spread around her like a halo, like the angel that she is. "You're not agreeing just because you're drunk, right? I don't want you to ever regret this." She asks sincerely, leaning onto her elbows.
"I stopped being drunk the minute you showed up, Shepherd," Arizona responds, staring down at the beautiful sight before her. Someone should really take a picture of this, of the moment before she wrecks Amelia for good. "Take your shirt, pants and shoes off."
"Bossy," Amelia chuckles, but obeys as soon as she sees Arizona is not about to budge. There's no telling how long it takes her to complete the task, but Arizona's suddenly faced with such a compelling vision that she loses her train of thought for a second there. Amelia's cute little belly button, the freckles where her lacy bra meets her breasts, the almost unnoticeable birthmark at her hip, the blue veins on her pale legs, there is absolutely nothing that Arizona does not adore about her.
"Sit on your knees, edge of the bed," she commands next, the words barely coming out of her mouth with how aroused she is.
Amelia seems mesmerized into action, which is good, because Arizona wants her full attention here. Removing her own blouse, she lets Amelia stare for a moment and chuckles at the hitch of her breath, before taking off her expensive bra too. As Amelia's eyes widen, the black pupils drowning out her pale blue irises, Arizona takes the back of her head and brings her to where she needs her. The sound of it is almost enough to make her drunk again, but the sensation is even more dangerous, as Amelia latches on perfectly, her talented mouth fitting itself around her nipple and sucking.
"Ahh," Arizona lets out a moan, which only encourages this little protégé further, driving her to flick her tongue against the sensitive bud in the most excruciating way. The bastard then smirks into it, lifting her other hand to twist Arizona's neglected nipple between her fingers, and looks up to see if Arizona is watching. Of course she is, there is literally no other thing in the whole world she would rather be looking at right now. Amelia looks plain obscene, drooling around Arizona's nipple, then switching to the other breast and performing the same excruciatingly exciting maneuvers all over again.
Realizing that there is a non-zero chance that she would come from just this, Arizona decides it's time to inflict some much-deserved torture on little Shepherd. Pushing her away gently to the sound of a dirty wet pop, she steps back to take off her trousers. The fact Amelia stays on her knees the whole time, never breaking eye contact, does not go unnoticed, and will be dutifully rewarded later.
"You can speak, you know," she tells her while taking off her own underwear.
"I'm afraid if I will there'd be an Arizona shaped hole in that door," Amelia replies, pointing towards the bedroom entryway.
"Lie back then," Arizona responds, moving in fluid motion with Amelia and crawling over her as they make their way to the head of the bed. The feel of their naked soft bodies rubbing against one another is all the reminded Arizona needs for why she is so very gay. "Tell me what you want, I'll do anything," she says against Amelia's lips, too overjoyed that they're finally here.
"Just…" Amelia starts, a deep red blush rising in her cheeks, "kiss me for a bit."
Arizona could not have obeyed faster if she tried. Leaning down into the beautiful woman below her, she palms Amelia's cheek and kisses her deeply, kisses the breath out of the both of them and then kisses her some more. She kisses here with abandon, because Amelia deserves all of her, everything she has to give. For her part, Amelia returns the favor, grasping tightly at Arizona's back as she rises to her, her tongue working overtime to assert dominance, her lips fighting for control.
"Not tonight, honey," Arizona finally says breathlessly, the endearment flowing naturally. "Tonight I decide."
"Can you decide to fuck me, please?" Amelia asks, gripping Arizona's ass and grinding against her. It's a good reminder that her underwear is still on, and the sensation of lace against bare skin is so coarse and sweet at the same time that Arizona gets an idea.
"All you had to do was ask," she responds with her signature smile, beginning her descent.
Starting with Amelia's neck, she attaches her lips to the point she has already discovered can get Shepherd panting in seconds, and as always it does the trick. Moving downwards with more kisses and bites, she reaches back and unclasps the bra standing in her way, tossing it aside to reveal Amelia's perfect tits with their sweet pink nipples. Leaning down, she gives each bud a long lick, watching them perk up for her then blowing cold air on each in turn.
"Am I dying?" Amelia asks from above, and Arizona has to laugh, because she knows the feeling exactly.
"You better not be, I have big plans for you, Shepherd," Arizona responds, moving further down to kiss around Amelia's belly button, a slow and complete circle of wet kisses.
Finally time to execute her plan, Arizona moves the last bit of distance, reaching the center of the universe as far as she's concerned. With a hand on each of Amelia's hips, wanting her to be grounded in this very moment, she lets her tongue run along the length of the panties from bottom to top. Amelia is so wet that it has seeped out, making the glide easier and so much more enjoyable than expected.
"God," Amelia groans, throwing her head to the side.
"Hey, eyes on me!" Arizona calls out to her, and like the good girl that she is, Amelia immediately does as told.
With their gazes locked, Arizona leans down again, running her tongue against the rough wetness of lace and desire. This is too good. She does it again and again and again, each time trying to push her tongue deeper through the garment, to reach Amelia's core, to have all the textures combine in the most excruciating way. She even bites here and there, grazing her teeth gently against a clit that must be almost sore by now.
"This is torture," Amelia tells her after long minutes, panting and pushing back slightly sweaty hair off her forehead.
"Should I stop?" Arizona asks with a smile, trying to make it seem as if she'd ever agree to such a ludicrous request.
"If you stop I'll kill you then myself," Amelia replies, so she guesses that's a firm no.
Wanting to spare this sweet beautiful amazing woman any more teasing, however, she decides to be kinder and removes the panties standing in her way with one swift motion, throwing them in the general direction of the floor.
Diving straight back in, she finds a drenched cunt waiting for her to devour. So she does, immediately, intently, purposefully. Arizona drowns in Amelia, licking at her and eating her like the fine meal that she is, burying her tongue then dragging it up to give smooth friction as she flicks at Amelia's clit repeatedly.
"I'm gonna pass out," Amelia pants, but her hands reach down and push Arizona's face even further into her.
She is making little purring noises and small sighs that are driving Arizona out of her fucking mind, propelling her to give more, to do more, to make Amelia arch up away from the bed as she comes on her tongue in tidal waves. Arizona even lets her ride it out, placing comforting kisses on her pink flesh, lapping her up a couple more times for good measure as Amelia shakes there, making unintelligible sounds.
"I think I've gone to heaven, I'm feeling religious," Amelia says at last, pulling on Arizona's hair to bring her up.
"Want to taste heaven, too?" Arizona asks, and doesn't even bother waiting for an answer, because she already learned on a previous date that Amelia does not shy away from this kinky little thrill. Pushing her tongue out, she lets Amelia find her, lick her and taste herself, then tangle their tongues together in a hungry kiss.
With their mouths still locked together, Amelia reaches down to find her, alert and throbbing. Her deft fingers make blindingly quick work of things, two of them going into Arizona at once, encountering no resistance whatsoever. She feels so good, so right, pushing in and out while her other hand holds Arizona's head in place for their rough kiss. Amelia is all biting teeth and determined fingers, moving up to circle Arizona's clit with almost too much pressure, but it works. Oh, god, it works so well. Arizona cannot remember the last time she had been so eager to come.
A couple of dates ago, Amelia looked in silence from the bottom of the bed in Derek's trailer as Arizona touched herself, asking for a 'show and tell.' So Arizona rubbed and fingered herself to watchful blue eyes, she explained to Amelia in maddening detail how she likes to be touched. The lesson seems to have stuck, and her student was passing with flying colors.
"God!" She yells then against plush red lips, Amelia's fingers increasing in speed and then pressing, making her unravel so intensely that for a second she doesn't even know if she had an orgasm or a stroke. Falling onto Amelia she feels spent, exhausted, left with nothing in her.
"We should do that again," Amelia says after long minutes where their heavy breathing is the only sound in the room.
Arizona can only concur.
Last night had been proof. Glaring, flashing, unavoidable proof. For once in her life, she even thinks it may be a good thing. So good that she's been up for nearly an hour now, waiting for Arizona to open her beautiful blue eyes so she could tell her.
"Stop doing that," Arizona mumbles at last.
"Doing what?" She asks her, leaning down to lay a soft kiss on her forehead. On the tip of her nose. On the corner of her mouth.
"Staring at me when I sleep, like a freak."
She did do it, and she does admit to it being creepy, but it got the job done. Gorgeous eyes are looking at her now, blinking sleep away, making her heart flutter.
"I just thought I should tell you something," she whispers, not wanting to ruin this precious moment of morning, gently pushing blonde hair away then stroking a soft cheek.
"Is it about that fourth time? Because you asked for it even when I told you you'd be sore today."
Oh, god, yes she absolutely did ask for it. She couldn't stop asking for it last night. Arizona was so good to her, so dexterous, so capable of making her tremble everywhere. When they finally decided to go to sleep she was so wet in so many places that Arizona had gotten up and brought a washcloth to pat her dry, then tenderly wrapped around her while Amelia was still shaking.
"No, it's not that," she laughs, leaning down to lay a kiss on the pink lips that dragged her to heaven and back last night. "I just wanted to tell you that… Well that I think you should know I'm in love with you. Very much so."
Arizona's eyes widen at that, and Amelia sees more than feels a tear escaping her eye and landing on the beautiful woman who she is so deeply in love with. She did it. She said the words and now they're out there for the world to know. They're out there for Arizona to know, most importantly, and for Arizona to decide whether she wants to make this good thing happen or to shatter Amelia's heart. She's being melodramatic, she gets it, but she's also never felt this way before about anyone. She's never in her life felt like loving someone else is a good idea until now.
But before she gets a verbal response of any sort, both their pagers start buzzing crazily and their phones ping again and again. Arizona's phone then rings, too, and she blindly reaches out to answer it.
"Hello?" Amelia hears her ask, and looks down to her own cell to see a 911 trauma page for all interns.
Arizona's eyes flash with a color she's never seen before and her face loses the stunning pinkness it had mere moments ago. She hums her understanding of whatever she's being told, but doesn't speak until the call must end and her phone falls loosely from her hand. Then she says the last thing Amelia thought she would hear after her confession –
"Callie's been in a car crash. I have to go."