The holiday season was fast approaching, with Thanksgiving right around the corner, and Arizona finds herself reflecting on the past couple months of her life. What was she doing? Sure, she was on top of her game, saving little human lives left and right, and being adored by the tiny humans and their makers. She was teaching Karev not just how to be a good Peds surgeon, but how to be an incredible pediatric doctor. That meant the world to her. She was fulfilled in her career, and she was finding her place in Seattle at last.
But she was also doing other things… Other, inexplicable things. For example, she was spending at least several minutes a day actively trying to catch a glimpse of or somehow interact with one Dr. Shepherd. And not the McDreamy of the two. She was spending a significant number of hours a week sleeping in a crammed and not too comfortable bed, certainly nothing like the king sized she has at home, only for the odd pleasure of sharing it with the little Shepherd. Worse of all, perhaps, she was gradually finding herself sneaking touches. A cheek caress here, a forehead kiss there. It had to stop immediately and she knew it.
That's exactly why the invitation to spend Thanksgiving as Calli Torres's date came at an opportune moment. She had seen the fellow attending around the hospital before, and of course heard of the tragic loss of her (ex) husband George O'Malley, as well as her dalliance with Erica Han. If she were being honest with herself, Arizona knew that Callie would be a far fitter match for her than Amelia. Firstly, because Callie had actively expressed an interest in her, whereas Amelia seems perfectly content with their oddball secret sleeping relationship. Arizona was 35, out of the closet for 20 years now, and knew better than to hang her hopes up on a potentially straight woman. Secondly, Callie was much closer to her in age and was in a more settled place in life, whereas Amelia may well fail the program (unlikely) or decide to leave it (unlikely, yet not impossible) or at the very least pursue a fellowship elsewhere (fifty-fifty). Well, that was some years down the line, but Arizona was a planner. Callie fit better, period.
So, she said yes. And now Callie and her are standing outside the Grey-Shepherd residence with a bottle of wine and a pumpkin pie and a wave of second thoughts is hitting her hard. What the hell did she think to herself? Coming face to face with her juvenile hospital crush at said crush's home? Recipe for disaster, Robbins.
Well, they're here now.
"Hey, you two!" Derek greets them at the door with a kind smile on his face, and for a moment Arizona has the naive thought that this will be fine. McDreamy can be distracting like that.
"Hey, thanks for having us!" Callie hugs him fondly, and Arizona would have too, had her eyes not immediately caught on to the expression on Amelia's face across the room. It's too hard to decipher what the sudden change in her blue eyes means, but Arizona has spent enough time gazing into them –whether intentionally or not– to recognize the shift from iceberg to cobalt.
"Callie, Arizona, come in!" Mark calls for them, hugging Torres to him and surprising Arizona by hugging her too. "I heard all about you!"
"Have you?" Has he? In what way?
"Of course I have. Callie and I are the best of friends, I know about all her little crushes," he smirks. Arizona's not above admitting she finds it flattering. Callie is a beautiful woman with a lively spark to her, and it's flattering to be the object of her interest. She's a good idea.
"Mark, stop embarrassing them," Addison calls to him and joins their little circle. It's good to have a more familiar face here. Arizona's been working closely with Addison for some years now given the proximity of their specialties and their shared fondness of Alex Karev. Addison will be a safe haven tonight, Arizona decides.
"Everybody, sit down already, Alex is starving," Meredith yells to them, and Arizona notices a bit too late that she's being dragged into the room by Callie's hand which is now very much clasping hers. Hand holding on date number one?
It's a lovely setting, truly. So many wonderful people – Meredith, Derek, Alex, Jo, Mark, Lexie, Addison, Callie, Teddy, Owen. Oh, right, and Amelia Shepherd. Amelia Shepherd, who looks so lovely in her floral blue dress. Amelia Shepherd, whose scolding glare Arizona swears she can feel is being drilled into her forehead and cheek as she constantly looks down or to the side, anywhere but at Amelia fucking Shepherd. This was a bad idea. A bad bad bad idea, Arizona Robbins.
"So, Dr. Torres," Amelia starts, and Arizona, without much volition of her own, feels her head snap up at the sound of the young Shepherd's voice, "you're the new ortho attending, right?"
"Yeah! I- I think you've been on my service already, haven't you?" Callie asks, her face expressing genuine surprise, meaning she must not have caught on to Amelia's snarky tone. But Arizona did, because she knows very well by now what it's like to be on the receiving end of Amelia's sweet and soft and tender tones, and this was none of the above.
"Oh, right!" Amelia smacks her head as if dumb, "that post-op infection that got complicated into an amputation, right?"
What was she playing at?
"I guess," Callie responds with a kind smile, "with all the successes there have to be some bad days. But let's not talk shop! Arizona, tell us about that book club I heard you started."
"Oh," well, she can give it to Callie, the woman did her homework. "It's a book club for queer medical staff in the hospital. We've actually been having a great turnout these first few weeks."
"Will you be joining the club, Dr. Torres?" Amelia asks. "Because I know you used to be married to O'Malley, and also that ortho aren't really the booky types, so…"
What is she up to?
"Amy, stop that." Derek scolds her, and for a moment Arizona's glad he intervened. But then she recalls the tidbits Amelia has been sharing with her these past weeks, about his controlling nature and paternalization. And she sees it, and she feels for Amelia, who should be treated like the adult that she is. She should probably be feeling for her date, who's been scrutinized for her queerness and intelligence all in one short sentence, but here we are.
"It's okay, Derek," Callie smiles to him before returning to Amelia, with eyes not quite as kind as before, "I'll happily join Arizona's club if I'm welcome, it sounds fantastic."
She was sweet, and she was a good idea, and Arizona smiles widely at her because Callie is good for her. She deserves this, to have someone so openly affectionate towards her. Someone who invites her to holiday dinners and charms the table rather than someone who sits there and broods.
If only it would have ended at that. But Amelia Shepherd is stubborn, that much has been well established in the short months Arizona has known her.
"So, Dr. Torres," Amelia starts again some time later, and Arizona hears at least three different people around the table groaning. She'd know who, if she would have looked up, but she's been unable to this whole meal. How can she look Amelia in the eye while being on a date? For no good or rational reason, it feels wrong. She's also getting a bit of a sore neck if she's being totally honest. "I heard you used to be Chief Resident for a few days before they gave it to Bailey."
"Amy!" Mark, Derek, and Addison all shout at once. They're right, too, the kid's incorrigible.
"What?!" She exclaims back, her dimple betraying whichever look of innocence she was trying to pull. "I just want to know what to avoid doing."
"Well," Callie starts, audibly tenser than she had been before, "if there's anything I learned it's that you should definitely, without question, avoid getting in over your head." She replies, raising her shapely eyebrow and clearly sending a back off message. Should Arizona be flattered or concerned?
"I think it's time for dessert." Meredith and Lexie say in unison, saving the table from another bout of awkwardness.
The thing is, Amelia realizes she's been an ass. She doesn't quite know why, or what may be the repercussions, but she's definitely not stupid enough not to recognize that she has not been on her best behavior tonight. What can she say? She just wasn't expecting to see Arizona with a date, is all. Not that she cares, or minds, or is bothered by it, it's just surprising. Sometimes people express surprise in odd ways. Sometimes they express it by being a bit of a bitch towards their ortho attendings, and it's perfectly normal.
Anyways, it doesn't come as much of a surprise that Addison keeps shooting her death glares and kicking her leg under the table. Addison has always tried, more than anyone, to keep Amelia in line, to keep her from embarrassing herself more than absolutely necessary. But Addison was also playing nice tonight, befriending Callie Torres and sparking conversation about orthopedic surgery, so she can go screw herself for all Amelia cares. She just wanted to eat some pie and get this evening over with.
But of course, Arizona had to approach her and ask that they speak in private. Ask and ye shall receive, Robbins, but don't push her tonight. She was on edge as it is.
"What's been going on with you today, Shepherd?" Arizona asks as soon as they're out in the chilly air.
"What, the soda thing? It was an honest mistake, I'm clumsy." Yeah, spilling her non-alcoholic cider across the table directly from Callie, resulting in her having to change her fancy white blouse into one of Derek's henleys was not the smoothest or nicest of moves.
"Not just that, Amelia, everything. You've been an ass for no good reason," Arizona says bluntly, and Amelia finds herself smirking despite the tense situation, because she's pretty sure she's never heard Arizona say a bad word before.
"Don't let the kids hear you say that, Dr. Robbins," she retorts and folds her arms. Whatever Arizona's got for her, she can take.
"Quit it, Amelia." Ooh, two Amelia's in a row, that's a rarity.
"What do you want me to say? I'm an intern, it's weird being at a table full of my attendings, so I may have been a little awkward."
"Jo seemed to be behaving herself just fine despite these arduous circumstances. And if I recall correctly, you live with three attendings, you must be at least somewhat accustomed to their presence by now." Okay, an Arizona Robbins eyebrow raise, she must be serious.
"Well, Callie's new. I'm uncomfortable around new people," Amelia replies with a shrug. She's not too proud to play obtuse.
"Me and a bunch of on-call rooms would beg to differ," Arizona responds with her own braced arms, so Amelia guesses they're at some sort of a standoff now.
She genuinely didn't expect the doctor to bring up the thing they have been doing; certainly wasn't expecting to be confronted with it verbally or emotionally tonight. Frankly, Amelia would have much preferred it if they never ever spoke about it ever, because talking about it out loud means feeling it, which she is determined not to do. So determined, it seems, that she's willing to lash out.
"Well, you and a bunch of on-call rooms seemingly have been hosting more than just one person recently," Amelia says back, and she can feel her cheeks heating despite the cold November air. Damn her pale skin.
"Not that it is any of your business, Shepherd, but Callie and I have only gone out once. Tonight. I guess I was naive enough to think you wouldn't behave like a baby." Arizona takes a step towards her in her anger, and Amelia's stubbornness forces her to dig her heels. Wasn't it her business? She very much felt like it is.
"Oh, I'm the baby? I'm not the one cooing over every shallow compliment thrown my way by the hot ortho surgeon. 'Oh, Calliope, tell me again how much you loved watching me perform that liver transplant on the two-hour-old baby'." Maybe doing impressions is not her strongest suit.
"You know what?" Arizona asks, a small fire seemingly alit in her eyes. "This is all my fault. I should have known better than to think you could ever be mature about this."
"Oh, not you too." Amelia shakes her head, and feels hurt enough to finally take a step back. Not another person in her life thinking she can't handle it. Fuck this, fuck all of this, fuck being treated like a brat.
"Yes, me too. Me more than anyone, maybe. Because your million siblings know you, so I guess they have this figured out by now, but I'm just learning."
"Learning what, exactly?" Amelia finds herself asking before she can think better of it. She's never been good at choosing to shield herself from hurt.
"Learning that this was a mistake." There you have it. "Honestly, this genuinely is on me. I should have known better. I'm a lesbian woman and you're…"
Okay. Amelia realizes Arizona wants an answer here. A fill-in-the-blank, if you will. But she can't provide her with one. She is physically finding herself incapable of answering, because nobody should be privy to that, and because she doesn't have an answer. She doesn't have a vowel to throw Arizona's way to appease her, she doesn't have a colorful flag to provide her with, she doesn't have some come to Jesus moment to share here. All she has is what she says next.
"I'm Amelia. Just Amelia." Nothing wrong with that, right?
Judging by the shifting look in Arizona's beautiful eyes, by the slacking of her posture and the exasperated sigh she lets out, something must be very wrong with it.
"Right, you're Amelia." Her voice is suddenly lowered, more controlled. Amelia hates it. Bring back the fire! "And I'm Arizona, a lesbian woman, head of the Pediatrics department, and I'm here on a date with a fellow attending. I entertained this stupid thing for far longer than I should have. So I suggest you go back to your house, and spend Thanksgiving with your wonderful family."
"And you?" Amelia asks when she Arizona turns to the door. She called them a stupid thing, which is fair enough, because Amelia feels like an absolute idiot right now.
"And I'll drive the woman I'm on a date with to a bar, or to her house, or wherever she wants to go. And you and I will have a professional relationship, same as I have with all other interns."
Arizona's looking away as she says this, which is probably good, because Amelia would prefer she not see the tear that just fell from her eye.
"Happy Thanksgiving," is all she can say before walking off into the yard to sit by herself and maybe shed a couple more tears. Amelia Shepherd is perfectly fine on her own, thank you very much. She was fine before blonde joy came into her life a few months back, and she'll be damn fine after. She can do professional. And she can do it even if it hurts more than she expected it to. Even if the list of people to walk away from her just painfully got one person longer.