A Break.
Mrs. Hughes lingered a moment in the kitchen with Mrs. Patmore while the rest of the staff began dinner.
The cook knew why she was hanging around.
"Don't you think it would be better if you sat down with the others?", asked Mrs. Patmore as she went through little things for tomorrow's shopping list.
"If only it were that easy" Mrs. Hughes replied timidly. "A few hours ago I really thought I'd just sit down and eat with them. But now I'm dreading the moment when I sit down and everyone stares at me."
"The sooner you face up to the stares, the sooner you'll get back to your everyday life!" Mrs. Patmore was sure.
But Mrs. Hughes seemed to have her doubts. After all, it wasn't a small thing that hadn't taken place today. It was a wedding. Her wedding. Everything had been planned in detail, everything had been organised: location, food, guests, church, bride and groom.
The cook noticed Mrs. Hughes' glassy eyes and put down her kitchen towel as she took a few steps toward the housekeeper. She stopped a few inches in front of her and took Mrs. Hughes' hands in hers.
"Mrs. Hughes ... . Mr. Carson has made a mistake. Not only you, Anna and I know that, but everyone in this house. Upstairs and downstairs. We all wanted to celebrate with you today, we were all very happy for you both."
With every word she heard, Mrs. Hughes found it harder to keep her tears from falling. "Mrs. Patmore, I feel so humiliated. Like a little, naughty child. First her ladyship scolded me for the coat and then Mr. Carson added a good deal on top of it."
Mrs. Patmore's reply was drowned in a thunderous noise. The two women were startled by the sudden scratching sound of at least 10 wooden chairs on the floor. They both knew what this meant and looked at each other knowingly: Mr. Carson has stood up.
"But he can't possibly be finished with dinner already.", said Mrs. Hughes doubtfully.
"No, I'm not yet either."
Mrs. Hughes turned around and saw Mr. Carson standing in the kitchen doorway. His eyes were worried, his bushy eyebrows seemed to droop sideways.
"Elsie, why don't you come to dinner?", Mr. Carson asked, visibly uncomfortable in Mrs. Patmore's presence.
Mrs. Patmore turned on her heels, pretended to be busy and continued to think about her shopping list. To seem even more engrossed in the matter, she criss-crossed the kitchen, talking to herself
„I wanted to come, but somehow I've lost heart.", the housekeeper admitted to herself.
"Elsie, I'm so sorry!"
"I know, Charlie, I know." Elsie's battle with her tears was now completely lost. She buried her face in her hands and sobbed away. She felt lonely as she stood in the middle of the dark kitchen, her defencelessness trying to take her breath away. Charles noticed small tears dripping down her chin under her hands.
Mrs. Patmore left the room, as she now wanted to give them a chance to talk in private.
"Elsie..." But he couldn't get any more words out. The sight of her was too painful. Mr. Carson walked up to her and took her into his big, protective arms. Only now did Elsie realise how hurt she really was. Charles felt her drop her weight into his embrace, her pain softening her legs. He held her tightly and gave her the support she needed at the moment. He was silent and listened to her painful crying.
Minutes later, when she had no more tears left in her, she still stood motionless in Charles' arms.
"Have I break it, Elsie? Have I break us?", he asked in a whisper.
"I don't know, Charles. I need time. I have to let it all sink in first. I can't think clearly, I can't organize myself. I still don't understand some of what happened.", Elsie freed herself from his arms and looked at him tiredly.
Charles now also realized how badly he must have hurt her and how deep her disappointment was.
"You should eat something, Elsie. I'll bring you something to your servants room if you don't want to join us.", he noticed that she wanted to reject his suggestion, but he didn't allow any evasion. "I'll be there in five minutes."
_C&E_
Mrs. Hughes had only been sitting in her servants room for a few moments when, surprisingly, Mrs. Patmore - and not Charles - brought her a snack. As soon as the filled tray was placed at the table, the cook poured a cup of hot tea and handed it to Mrs. Hughes. She accepted the cup with a questioning look.
"You know, Mr. Carson thought you would prefer me to bring you a little dinner rather than him.", she replaid in response to Mrs. Hughes' unasked question.
Mrs. Hughes smiled agonisingly and forced herself to take a sip. Unsure whether she should be grateful to Charles or not.
There was a knock at the open door, Miss Baxter stood inside. "Mrs. Hughes, I've just come from changing your ladyship, I'm supposed to give you a message."
Mrs. Hughes lowered her cup and listened intently. Mrs. Patmore was no less eager.
"Her Ladyship sends word that she is very sorry about the whole thing and feels partly responsible for the misunderstanding between you and Mr. Carson. She said that if she had been more sensitive and thoughtful, she should have known that you would never try on her clothes without an arrangement with whomsoever."
Mrs. Hughes didn't know what to say. She was no longer thinking about the situation in Lady Grantham's room.
"She apologised for it and explained herself.", Mrs. Hughes responded tactfully.
"Yes, she told me that too. But she feels that Mr. Carson only reacted so overheatedly because she misunderstood the situation in her dressing room. If she had reacted differently, her affront would never have made the rounds." Miss Baxter tried to echo Lady Grantham's words as best she could. In her calm manner, she added: "She would like to give you a few days rest in a cottage on the estate. Her Ladyship feels that you may need some distance from this situation."
Mrs. Hughes didn't think she was hearing properly, so Miss Baxter repeated the relevant points again.
"But that's a nice gesture, don't you think, Mrs. Hughes?" Mrs. Patmore interjected, "A little rest and distance will do you good."
"But who will look after the girls and keep order?" Mrs. Hughes found it impossible to stay away from the daily routine at Downton any longer. Today was certainly chaotic enough, although no one would tell her so as not to put her under pressure.
"Everything has been discussed with Her Ladyship. Anna and I will cover for you as best we can, alternating with our other duties." Miss Baxter looked sympathetically at Mrs. Hughes and added honestly: "We'll be happy to do that for you, Mrs. Hughes. You should be ready to leave at 10 p.m.. Mr. Molesley will help you with your luggage."
After a moment's thought, Mrs. Hughes came to the conclusion that it might be a good idea to take a few days off after all. That way she would finally have time to collect herself. However, she was still not entirely comfortable with the knowledge that Downton Abbey would be left without head housekeeper.
After Mrs. Hughes had agreed to Lady Grantham's plan, Mrs. Patmore and Miss Baxter left the housekeepers room to do the last of the late evening's work before they could end their work. Mrs. Hughes ate a few bites to make up for the emptiness inside her, but soon realised that she was feeling uneasy and pushed the plate aside.
Just as Mrs. Hughes rose to go to her desk, Mr. Carson entered the room. Surprised by her sudden proximity, he stopped abruptly, as did she.
„I've heard about Her Ladyship's offer.", said Charles, gently closing the door.
"Yes, I think I'll accept it. I don't get to think here. And I actually want to get rid of this feeling of insecurity." Elsie replied openly.
Unnoticed by her at first, Charles placed the two port glasses and the filled wine carafe he was holding in his hands on her little table.
„I thought we could have a drink.", he looked at her almost pleadingly.
Elsie sat back down at her table without replying, indicating that she accepted his suggestion. Charles was relieved and sat down too, pouring both of them a glass of port.
At first they both just sat there: he, nervous and anxious - she, disorganised and empty. Charles cleared his throat.
"I think it's a good decision for you to accept Lady Grantham's suggestion. A few days to yourself will do you good."
"And what about you?", Elsie asked cautiously. For all her grief, she was well aware that he should have got married today as well. It would also have been his wedding day. He must be tired too, because he didn't get much sleep last night in the armchair next to her bed.
Charles let out a sigh. "I still know that I want to marry you, Elsie, that I only want you as my wife. But I'm no longer sure that you still want me as your husband. In addition to your hurt, I notice your insecurity towards me."
After a short pause, he continued: "Elsie, I love you. And I'm sorry for what I've done. If a few days' rest will do you good and help you to collect yourself, then please take the time."
Elsie took a sip. Charles took a sip. They were silent.
"Of course I love you.", Elsie began, "But the way you spoke to me made me feel very small. I felt like dirt. You prejudged me. You accused me of an act I would never commit. That hurt me. It still hurts me. Today I would have loved to be your wife, you know how long I've been looking forward to it. Instead of celebrating my wedding and then disappearing with you for a few days, I'm sitting here ... on my way to a lonely cottage ... without a husband ... alone ...", Elsie realised that a lump was threatening to form in her throat and took another sip of her wine.
Charles looked at her silently and let her talk, her gaze fixed on the table.
„Perhaps it is my destiny never to marry. Perhaps it was silly to think that you could still get married at my age.", Elsie continued without looking at Charles. She took another sip.
„You shouted at me." Charles couldn't interpret the tone with which Elsie emphasised this sentence, it was a mixture of question and fact. Elsie reached for the carafe and refilled her glass. "Shouted at, like a piece of dirt." She raised her glass again and took a big gulp.
As Elsie had had very little in her stomach all day, she felt the exhilarating effect of the wine from the few sips she had taken. Charles also noticed Elsie's slight drunkenness and pushed her glass aside. She looked up and knew by Charles' action and her glowing cheeks that she had had enough wine for the day.
"I have to pack now! For my honeymoon!", Elsie grabbed the wine glass and drank it in one gulp (never mind). Charles tried to snatch the glass from her hand, but Elsie was quicker. She put the empty glass down and stood up. Charles noticed her swaying slightly and also stood up so that he could support her if necessary. Concerned, he took a step towards her to hold her by the arm.
"Don't touch me!", Elsie gasped venomously, jerked her arm up and took a step backwards. Undeterred, Charles followed her and tried to touch her arm again. "NO! Don't touch me!", she hissed again. But Charles continued to approach and wrapped her protectively in his arms. Elsie burst into tears and kept repeating the words that he shouldn't touch her, but became quieter and quieter each time, until she just stood there leaning against Charles and crying into his chest. Neither of them spoke, they just stood there. He wrapped himself protectively around her, she leant against his chest, seeking support. When Charles realised that Elsie had calmed down and her body was no longer resisting him, but rather seeking his warmth, he gave her a gentle kiss on the head, released the embrace and silently took her by the hand to accompany her up to the ladies' sleeping quarters. At the top of the stairs, Charles stopped and watched Elsie enter her attic room. No more words were exchanged.
_C&E_
At about 10pm, Mrs. Hughes was standing in the servants' lounge with her suitcase, talking to Miss Baxter and Mr. Molesley about her imminent departure.
"Mr. Molesley will accompany you to the cottage, Mrs. Hughes. It's a fifteen-minute walk." Miss Baxter said confidently.
Mrs. Hughes looked a little uncertain. It had been ages since she had been alone in a house. Somehow she wished Charles was here. She would like to see him again before she left. She asked Mr. Molesley for a few minutes and left the room in the direction of Mr. Carson's office. The door was open, the room was dark and deserted, Mr. Carson was not here. Elsie stood in the doorway for a few breaths and turned away, disappointed, to rejoin Mr. Molesley and Miss Baxter.
Mrs. Hughes said goodbye to Miss Baxter with a grateful smile and walked behind Mr. Molesley to the servants' entrance.
_C&E_
The night was crisp and Mrs Hughes was glad she decided to wear a hat. She trotted along behind Mr Molesley in the dark, feeling uncomfortable that his evening was starting later because of her, and he was carrying her suitcase all the way.
After about ten minutes Mrs Hughes could see a small cluster of cottages in the distance.
"It's up ahead, Mrs. Hughes!", declared Mr. Molesley as he set his suitcase down for a little breather. She came to stand beside him a few seconds later.
"Thank you, Mr. Molesley, for being so kind as to show me the way."
Mr. Molesley pressed his lips together in an encouraging smile and picked up the suitcase again. "I'm happy to help you, Mrs. Hughes. You've often helped me in awkward situations. Do you remember when you persuaded Mr. Carson to take me back on after all? You've shown me the way so many times, Mrs. Hughes, even though we've never walked together." He saw the despondency in her eyes and added: "Mrs. Hughes ... Have faith. Everything will be all right."
"Do you believe?" Mrs. Hughes asked timidly and continued on her way, Mr. Molesley beside her.
"Oh yes, I do believe. Mr. Carson loves you. And I think you love him too. There's a wound in your heart at the moment, inflicted by the person you gave it to. Your heart is now busy letting the wound heal. As soon as it has done so, it will be able to feel love again and the numbness will disappear." Mr. Molesley looked dreamily into the starry sky, convinced of his own words.
Mrs. Hughes liked his explanation and felt confident for the first time since Charles' outburst.
Without her really realising it, they were now standing outside a wooden door of a cottage. Mr. Molesley took a key from his jacket pocket and handed it to Mrs. Hughes, placing the suitcase beside her.
"Good night, Mrs. Hughes."
Mrs. Hughes also wished Mr. Molesley goodnight and watched him go a few steps before turning around. She now felt a leaden tiredness and was glad to get to bed. She unlocked the door with the key and opened it with great care and curiosity. The cottage had electricity, so Elsie flicked the light switch on the wall next to her. She stepped into the small entrance hall and locked the door again behind her. In the hallway there was a door to her right, one to her left and a staircase directly in front of her, she would have to explore to find a bed.
Elsie decided to open the right-hand door without further ado and found a small living room behind it. She was completely surprised to discover a fire in the fireplace, she didn't switch on the light, she wouldn't be staying here for long and the light from the fire would be enough for a quick look round. The cosy warmth of the room told her that it must have been blazing here for some time. She stepped further into the room and looked around: opposite the fireplace was a wing chair, next to it a matching small sofa, on the mantelpiece were a few odds and ends, a pretty secretary was placed against the wall behind the sofa, next to it a ceiling-high bookshelf.
After Elsie had briefly inspected the room, she decided to look for a bed again, so she turned towards the door she had just come through. But before she could set off, she stopped dead in her tracks when she suddenly saw him standing in the doorway.
"Charles ... what ... what are you doing here, Charles?"