Escape.

Before Charles got rid of his livery, he went back down to the kitchen to put on his pyjamas. Back upstairs, he saw Elsie already lying in bed on the side of the balcony door, her back turned to him, pushed to the edge. She reminded him of an injured animal trying to crawl away.

He was left with the right side of the bed. Unnoticed by him, she stared through the glass panes into the darkness of the night, but had sharpened her other senses with her (actually more with him), here on the mattress. She felt the mattress sinking in, she smelled his scent, she heard his exhausted exhalation as he lay down on the mattress. It took less than two minutes and Charles had fallen asleep on his back, extremely grateful for Elsie's great kindness. She, on the other hand, had trouble getting to sleep.

It was a strange situation for Elsie. She had taken herself by surprise this time, deprived herself of sleep. She couldn't fall asleep next to Charles. His closeness to her seemed to laugh at her, to mock her, to tear her heart apart again with relish. It showed her that she couldn't have him, couldn't touch him.

Elsie had long dreamed of him lying next to her, ready to touch her, caress her, kiss and desire her. Just as she had wanted to touch him, caress and kiss him for years. She often fell asleep with curious (honestly naughty) thoughts about Charles long before they were engaged. Such thoughts usually accompanied her to sleep when she noticed during the day how he delegated his subordinates and mastered stressful situations with flying colors. She felt comfortable next to him when she realised that everything was going according to his plan because he gave free rein to his authority. Although she also enjoyed defying him and revealing her clear view of things to him.

Befor she fell asleep at night, she often thought of his hands, which could grab her and caress her, which could confidently take what they wanted. Her own hands often slipped away when she thought about it. But now she felt his closeness in bed in a way she would never have thought possible. His closeness was like poison. She had to get away. She had to get out of the room. She had to get away from him.

Elsie realised how her emotional chaos was threatening to overwhelm her again and take her breath away. The fact that the wedding wasn't going ahead was a huge disappointment for Elsie. From Charles and from love.

All the peace and quiet she'd had here at the cottage for the last two days had been gone like as if they were never there, in minutes. The walking, baking and flower-picking had only been a pretence to avoid having to face the pain. To convince herself that it hadn't been so bad, that everything would soon be all right again, that everything would soon go its planned way again. Not a single tear rolled down her face in the last few days. She had kept herself under control, just like her girls at Downton Abbey, she kept everything together, including herself. So she tried to protect herself from the pain.

But now she realised that she had betrayed herself. Elsie was afraid of the feelings that threatened to overwhelm her, she felt an avalanche coming on. She began to tremble. The mattress seemed to pull her chest down like a magnet and making it more and more difficult for her to breathe. It was so oppressive.

Charles was fast asleep, oblivious to Elsie's burgeoning breakdown.

She wasn't ready to be this close to Charles yet, she needed distance. And quickly. Very quickly. She threw the covers aside and literally fled the room after grabbing her clothing and keys from the bathroom.

As soon as she had changed in the living room, she hurried out of the cottage on shaky legs and set off in the middle of the night to visit Mrs Patmore at Downton Abbey.

_C&E_

„What do you mean, just bread and cheese?" Mrs. Patmore wanted to know, squeaking.

„Shhhh, shhhh, not so loud!" Mrs Hughes repeated, shaking her head: „I always grabbed a little something from the things you put in the basket." Her eyes turned upwards as she explained herself.

"That was only meant for the first morning!", the cook said in exasperation, "And not for feeding yourself on it for several days. You need a warm meal in your stomach, girl, at least once a day. That was all far too little. No wonder you're not feeling better yet."

Elsie rolled her eyes again. "Mrs Patmore, I just didn't feel like cooking." She kept the fact that she was baking a cake to herself.

"So, would you be so kind as to speak to Her Ladyship about my request?" Mrs Hughes urged, "I want to get to the station as early as possible, and the whole house is still asleep."

"Yes, yes, all right. I'll talk to her ladyship. But... do you really want to take the risk and lose your job? What if you're fired? And...", after a short pause, Mrs. Patmore continued carefully: "You really don't want to inform Mr. Carson about your plans?"

"I can't, Mrs. Patmore. I have to go away. I have tried. I can't get any peace and quiet in the cottage, even though it's completely silent. The fact that Mr. Carson is there makes it even more difficult for me. During the day I think of him coming to the cottage in the evening, tired from work, to be there for me, I think of him, how tired he must be, I think of him, how happy he would be to get flowers and have a cake."

Mrs. Patmore interrupted her „Cake?" but Mrs. Hughes continued and ignored her question: "I think how sad he shouldn't be that he didn't get married. I'm just thinking about him... how heavy his burden and suffering is. If I manage not to think about him, then daydreams creep into my thoughts ... which show me how wonderful it could be now. Which show me how nice it wouldn't be to live with Charles in a cottage like this, married, just by ourselves, as a couple. Silly things come to my mind (baking a cake, for example). I can't manage to process it all under these conditions."

"And you think it's a good idea for you to travel alone?", asked Mrs. Patmore incredulously. "Should I tell Mr. Carson something?"

"I have nothing to say to him at the moment." Mrs. Hughes admitted painfully.

The tired cook nodded, but was worried about how Mr. Carson would react if Elsie simply disappeared without a trace or comment.

"Thank you very much for your support. You have become an important friend to me over the years, Mrs. Patmore."

Mrs. Patmore now asked Mrs. Hughes to wait in the kitchen so she could change. They would move the conversation downstairs to the kitchen so as not to wake any of the other servants.

The earliest possible train would not leave for several hours and Mrs. Patmore would not leave Mrs. Hughes sitting at the deserted station for that long. So the two of them decided to make themselves more comfortable in the kitchen with several cups of tea and biscuits.

Around four o'clock in the morning, Beryl prepared a sumptuous sandwich for the traveller and wrapped it in sandwich paper, along with a bottle of apple juice. With an hour's walk, Elsie was supposed to be at the station at five in the morning and the first train left at half past five.

Elsie thanked Beryl for turning night into day for her. She knew that she would miss sleep for the day (oh poor Daisy!). Elsie hugged Beryl gratefully and left Downton Abbey in the darkness of the young morning.

_C&E_

"MR. CARSON? MR. CARSON!" Samuel knocked on the front door again. "Mr. Carson, are you there?" Samuel pumped his fist against the front door.

Charles finally woke up from the noise. He was disoriented at first and needed a moment to remember where he was. Pumper.

His gaze wandered over the cooled area next to him - it was empty. Pumper. He quickly sat up and made his way to the front door. Pumper.

Samuel pressed his nose to a small window next to the front door, hoping at last to see some movement behind it.

Finally a light came on, Samuel stopped banging on the door and waited impatiently for it to be opend.

"Good morning, Mr. Carson! I thought you weren't even here.", said the boy, relieved.

"Why shouldn't I be here?", asked Mr. Carson with a raised eyebrow. "And why are you knocking so wildly?", he asked harshly.

"Well ... I've been banging on the window and door for a good 15 minutes. No one has opened the door for me, Mr. Carson. But I kept knocking because my instructions were to wake you up. I must admit I was quite nervous, Mr. Carson, because I simply didn't know how I was going to fulfil my mission - to wake you up - if you weren't even here. So I may have knocked a little too vigorously. Please forgive me."

Charles thanked the boy absentmindedly and closed the door in daze. He was now getting nervous too. If Samuel had been banging on the door and shouting to this extent for fifteen minutes, it meant that Elsie had either ignored it or hadn't heard the noise at all. Which in turn meant that she wasn't here in the cottage at all.

He went upset through room after room and found no sign of Elsie or a message from her anywhere.

The only thing he could find of Elsie was her nightgown, resting like a ghost on the small sofa.

_C&E_

When Elsie entered the group room, 10 pairs of eyes stared at her expectantly. The air was tearing, no one was moving, the only thing that could be heard was a rolling dice doing its last somersaults on the surface of the table. She let her eyes wander in search of a familiar face. When she met the longed-for friendly, warm, sincere smile she was here to see, she paused and realised how the ballast literally fell from her shoulders and her body relaxed. As soon as she could look into her childishly shining eyes, she knew she was finally with someone she could be herself with and - unintentionally but with relief - started to cry. She had no chance of holding back her tears and tried to stifle a rising sob with one hand in front of her mouth, supporting herself against the door frame with the other. She felt that she had finally found someone strong enough to catch her.

Becky put the coloured pencil down on her flower drawing when she noticed the visitor's tears rolling down her face. She stood up and walked towards her in amazement, watched by seven patients and two supervisors. 'Why are you crying?' Elsie's sister asked, leaning her head to the side.

Elsie started to laugh with joy, but continued to cry, too overwhelmed to say anything, and threw her arms around her little sister's neck. Becky returned the hug tentatively at first, but then bravely, and patted her sister's back reassuringly.

"There you go. It's all right!" Becky patiently rocked back and forth, cradling Elsie a little. Elsie's tears flowed unchecked over Becky's shoulder. It felt indescribably good.

Elsie needed a few minutes in this embrace before she could let go. The moment was too precious. All the grief, all the confusion caused by Charles' screaming, all the humiliation she felt seemed to vanish into thin air in Becky's arms. Elsie only now realised how much her numbness had weighed her down over the last few days.

After many minutes, she pulled a cloth handkerchief from her coat pocket and wiped Becky's wet neck dry with a mother's care before dabbing herself (and blowing her nose) and putting the cloth back in her pocket. They both looked deeply into each other's eyes, the older one grinning at her younger sister as she cupped her face in both hands.

„I've brought you something.", Elsie let go of Becky and pulled a small wooden box out of her handbag. Becky took a small step back and jumped a little in anticipation, clapping her hands.

„What is it? What is it?", she wanted to know impatiently.

She held the beautifully decorated wooden box out to her. Becky opened it and was overwhelmed by its contents, her eyes widening.

„You've given me a rainbow.", Becky whispered in awe, eyes still widend. Elsie was very touched to witness this joy, it was so honest and genuine. Pure, sincere joy over a trifle.

Becky turned proudly on her heels, left Elsie standing there and walked in a kind of gallop with the wooden box to her seat, where her drawing was waiting for her. The person sitting next to her also wanted to look into the box, which Becky didn't seem to like as she sullenly pushed the box to the other side of the table and looked at the woman angrily. Shortly afterwards, Becky was so engrossed in her drawing that she had stuck her tongue out of her mouth in exertion. Elsie observed the childish behaviour and sat down on one of the free seats opposite Becky. Elsie enjoyed the feeling Becky gave her and just sat there for a while, watching her little sister draw. Becky was a tremendous emotional support for Elsie.

As lunchtime approached and Becky was taken to the dining room with the other patients, Elsie left the sanatorium to get herself a meal too. She wandered around Lytham St Anne in search of a pub. The owner of the small guesthouse where Elsie was staying gave her some tips. After only a short search, she found the pub described and entered.

After a short wait, a friendly lady brought her the food she had ordered. Elsie was surprised at the huge amount on her plate and was sure that she wouldn't be able to finish it all. But impressed with herself, she sat in front of an empty plate. It was the first meal in days that she really had an appetite for. Becky's company also relaxed her stomach.

As the sanatorium didn't allow visitors until half past two, Elsie passed the time until then with a long walk. Lytham St Anne was a cosy-looking town: passers-by greeted each other in a friendly manner, the street beds were well kept and the shops were well stocked.

She strolled relaxed through the unfamiliar area and entered one or two shops. She stood for a particularly long time in front of the windows of a candy store. She dreamily thought of Becky and her joy, if only she could see the tons of colorful sweets.

In the afternoon, Elsie went back to see her sister. The weather was fine and the patients were allowed to spend time in the garden. It was a park-like garden with impressive trees and beautifully laid out borders.

Elsie took Becky for a walk along the gravelled path around a fountain. They both enjoyed each other's attention. Becky because she was one of the patients who received the fewest visitors of all and Elsie because she was glad of the feeling of family togetherness.

Elsie walked with Becky towards a wooden bench. They sat down next to each other and watched a distant group of patients playing football. Becky was fascinated by the roar that came from the men every now and then as soon as a goal was scored.

"Look, Becky, what I've brought us." Elsie whispered secretly in her ear. "Would you like a little piece?" Elsie let her sister peek into her handbag. As soon as Becky recognised the chocolate, she began to beam with joy and fidgeted a little with her feet. Elsie marvelled again at this pure, carefree joy; it made her heart feel a few stones lighter once more.

"Take it out, Becky." Elsie liked that Becky was allowed to hold and share the chocolate, she should feel like it was hers. Becky tentatively reached into the bag and took out the treat and looked at it lying on her lap. She lifted the wrapped chocolate to her nose and smelled it with relish.

"Can I have a piece?", asked Elsie.

Becky gave her sister a proud smile and opened the wrapping, broke off a piece and gave it to her. She then broke one off for herself, smelled it again and popped it in her mouth. Elsie watched her as she melted the piece in her mouth with great relish. She then popped her piece of chocolate into her mouth too.

They stayed like this on the bench for a while, eating all the chocolate together, before Becky started to freeze and they made their way to the common room. There Elsie talked a lot about Downton Abbey and the Grantham family. Becky was fascinated by Lord and Lady and their pompous daily routine.

However, Elsie suddenly realised that Becky was getting tired, which meant that she wanted to be by herself again. Becky went to a shelf and opened the drawer on which her name was written in large letters. She came back with a stack of paper and the wooden box of coloured pencils that Elsie had given her that morning. Becky began to draw intently, while Elsie watched her.

At around five o'clock, one of the carers indicated to Elsie that visiting hours were about to end for the day.

Elsie let out a heavy sigh and began to talk to Becky, who was still drawing.

„I have to say goodbye again for a long time, my dear Becky. But I will write to you again." Elsie knew that Becky could neither read nor write, so she would never receive a letter from Becky. But every now and then she got a little report from her carers about how she was doing.

Becky didn't let go of her drawing, didn't pay any attention to her sister. Elsie tried to say goodbye to Becky again, but again got no response from Becky, whereupon Elsie stood up and stroked Becky's shoulder to say goodbye.

„I love you, Becky. Promise me you'll take good care of yourself."

Just before Elsie reached the door, Becky caught up with her and held her back by the hand.

„Goodbye!", said Becky, handing Elsie the drawing she had just been working on.

"I made this for you!" Elsie took the paper and looked at the drawing. It showed a park bench on which sat a lady in dark clothes, with hat and handbag, and a lady in white sanatorium clothes, who happily had a chocolate lying on her lap.

Elsie was incredibly moved, and with great gratitude and even greater love, she hugged her sister once more and kissed her cheek. Elsie left the lounge.

When the visitor had left, one of the patients turned to Becky.

„Who was that?", one woman wanted to know.

„I don't know." Becky answered honestly with a shrug of her shoulders and returned to her beautiful coloured pencils.

_C&E_

On the way to the guesthouse, Elsie couldn't stop thinking about how much Becky looked like their mum. She didn't think she would ever look into her mother's eyes again. The visit had been a good decision. Becky had managed to strengthen Elsie's core again. She knew she wasn't alone. Elsie was finally Elsie again. With or without marriage. With or without Charles. She was ready for the future.

Before she went to sleep, however, she wanted to contact Mrs. Patmore to find out what the Granthams had to say about her simply stealing away and so shamelessly abusing their kindness to spend a few days at the cottage.

_C&E_

The operator answered and Elsie announced that she would like to be connected to Downton Abbey.

After a short while, a deep voice vibrated in Elsie's ear: "Downton Abbey - Carson, the butler here."