Charlie entered the hotel sitting room, waiting for the coffee to kick in, when she heard two of the porn demons snickering to themselves over by the fireplace. She went to sit beside them and politely asked what they were laughing about in an attempt to connect with them.
A red bull by the name of Rocky grinned a suggestive grin, "I saw the Radio Demon knocking on Miss Elida's door a little bit ago. He was wearing nothin' but a bath robe, and he had a basket full of fancy oils, lotions… and a cucumber."
Charlie stared at Rocky, confused. She didn't get the joke. The sloth demon Jono wasted no time clarifying for her, "I bet he wants her to peg him with it. I know I do, that bitch is hot as fuck. I want to tear off her dress and lick her cu-"
"OKAY, alright, yep, that's… no thank you," Charlie interrupted before Jono could finish that sentence. "I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation for Alastor walking around… in a bath robe?"
"Yep. And pink bunny slippers. Maybe it's a kink. Angels like her would probably be into fuzzy bunny shit like that."
"It totally is," Jono agreed, "because when I walked by their room to meet ya for breakfast, I heard the two of them in there, laughing and moaning."
The sloth did his best Elida impression, which frankly was terrible, but got the point across, "Oooh, that tickles. A little to the left, aaaaah, right there."
Then he switched to an equally terrible Alastor impression, overexaggerating his transatlantic accent, "Just relax, honey, enjoy it. That's it. Mmmmm."
Charlie's eyes widened in abject horror. She did not want to picture what these demons were picturing, but now the image was firmly implanted in her brain. There was no way. Alastor kept people at arm's length, literally. Other than Nifty, who was a bizarre case in a number of ways, no one ever touched him unless he initiated contact first.
Except he let Elida touch him. She kissed people's cheeks all the time, including his, and he never stopped her. They danced every day preparing for Rosie's party. He held her arm, and let her give him hugs, and… Oh God, no. She didn't want to think about it. Charlie tried to tell herself that Rocky must have mistaken someone else for the infamous Radio Demon.
But Alastor was far too distinct. His smile was hard to miss. Charlie did her best to wipe the thought from her mind. Alastor was basically her second dad; She didn't want to know what or who he did in his personal time, especially if it was her new friend Elida.
That's when she noticed the delivery boy. A teenaged cannibal boy with dried blood in his hair walked in carrying several boxes. He walked up to Charlie, "Hi, Princess! Remember me?"
She didn't. "Oh, yeah, of course! How are you?" She responded awkwardly.
"Good! But after those angel wings, nothing quite tastes the same, you know? Nothing will ever be that good again."
"Uh, right. Yeah. Whatcha got there?"
He placed the packages on the floor at her feet, pulling a small clipboard from his pocket. "Delivery from Rosie's Emporium. Sign here, please," he handed her the clipboard.
She signed the delivery receipt and thanked the boy. The dresses were here. It was cutting it a bit close. The Cannibaltown Anniversary Ball was that evening. She had started to worry they wouldn't show up.
The ickiness from Rocky and Jono's speculations disappeared, replaced with excitement. She couldn't wait to see Vaggie all dressed up in a ball gown. Her girlfriend was the prettiest, most special, most amazing person ever! She waved her spear-wielding lover over excitedly, handing her the box with Vaggie's name on it.
Picking up the other three, Charlie made her way up to Elida's room to deliver the ambassador her new dress. Vaggie followed behind, taking Charlie's box off the stack to lighten her girlfriend's load.
"Do you really think a party is a good use of our time right now," Vaggie asked, not looking forward to the event. Dances weren't her thing. "There's so much to do now that the hotel is filling up."
"Of course it is! Without the cannibals, so many sinners would be dead right now, and Elida might never have been sent here. Rosie really did us a solid, the least we can do is show up, you know?" There were stars in her eyes. Vaggie could tell Charlie was picturing a big romantic night, so she decided not to spoil it. She'd just think of it as a date.
As they neared Elida's door, smooth, almost romantic jazz music was playing from inside. That had to be Alastor. He always had music floating in the air around him. He'd turn the volume up and down as he pleased, depending on what he was doing. Voices could be heard from inside.
"Do feel free to push a little harder darling, I can handle it," Alastor's cheerful tone was heard, along with some odd mechanical noise.
"Can you use a bit more lotion, please," Elida stated, "I'm getting a bit dry."
Fuck. Charlie had already forgotten what the porn demons had said only moments ago. Her face went very red very fast. She was ready to drop the boxes and retreat when a third voice spoke up; One she was completely unfamiliar with.
"Yes, miss, my apologies."
"That smells so nice. What's in this, again?"
"Honey, coconut, and a secret spice mixture of my own invention," the third voice responded proudly.
"I told you they were the best around," Alastor chimed in.
Mortification morphing into confusion, Charlie cautiously knocked on the door.
"Who is it," Elida asked.
"It's me," Charlie replied.
Alastor replied, "Ah, do come in, sweetheart!" The door opened, a black tendril of magic retreating from the doorknob as Charlie and Vaggie poked their heads in.
Sitting in two spa chairs that definitely hadn't been there before, Alastor and Elida were lounging back in soft bathrobes, being pampered by a team of stylists. They had green goo on their faces, and cucumber slices over their eyes. One manicurist was applying a fresh layer of lotion to Elida's hands, while another was using some bizarre mechanical sharpening stone on Alastor's claws.
Charlie breathed a sigh of relief, "Oh… You're getting ready. It's a little early to get started, isn't it?"
"Nonsense! Perfection takes time."
"Don't be silly, Allie, I was already perfect."
Charlie couldn't help but be confused with Elida's constant stream of self-confident compliments. How she managed to maintain such a balance between being somehow obsessed with herself, and still being the nicest person Charlie had ever met, was nothing short of impressive. She couldn't tell if Elida was secretly a narcissist, or if she was just so used to people hating themselves that seeing real self-love was throwing her off. Maybe it was a Heaven thing?
Alastor's sharp teeth poked out from behind the green goo coating his face, as he responded. "Of course, darling, but even infinity can be larger if you try hard enough."
That didn't make sense to anyone else in the room, but Elida understood what he meant. Even perfection could be improved in the right context. And she'd never turn down a good pamper day. Alastor was an especially fun spa companion, as he had an endless stream of gossip and stupid jokes to share.
When a pedicurist knelt down to remove Alastor's bunny slippers, something Charlie genuinely thought Rocky had been making up, and began filing away at his hooves, she decided to get to the point. "The gowns from Rosie's Emporium got delivered. Should I just put them here… or?"
"On the bed is fine," Elida answered. "I'm glad they're finally here, I was starting to worry I'd need to improvise."
Elida hadn't seen her dress yet, but she wasn't worried about it. She looked great in everything. Alastor had even provided her with a rather tasteful set of ruby earrings and a matching pendant on a black silk ribbon. He assured her they would go perfectly with the gown. Elida loved sparkly things, and gladly accepted them. He tried to get her a pair of shoes, but she declined. She hadn't worn shoes since the day she died and didn't want them to mess with the dance steps she'd spent so much effort trying to learn. She settled on red hoof polish.
"Be a dear and have the chef send up some breakfast, would you?" Alastor asked, still leaning back with the cucumbers over his eyes, "We're going to be a while."
"Sure, I can do that, I guess," Charlie agreed. Vaggie bristled at the smug bastard's dismissive tone, but Charlie just took the box with her own dress out of her girlfriend's hands and left to go drop it off in their room.
Alastor and Elida chatted happily away as the stylists worked their magic, primping, polishing, and plucking for hours. Elida had prepared a special charisma cologne to share, which Alastor gladly wore. Neither of them needed it, but as they'd already established, even perfection could be improved.
"It smells like my mother's cooking," Alastor remarked, admiring the pleasant aroma. Elida quietly wondered if that was who he had been secretly writing to.
"It smells like whatever makes someone the happiest," She explained. "For me, it smells like the forest my coven would meet up in when I was alive. It's designed to spark a pleasant memory, which has a subliminal effect that makes it easier for people to like you. That gaggle of cannibal fangirls that keep giggling every time you wave at them is going to swoon."
"A fine group of ladies," Alastor remarked. "I do enjoy their charming smiles."
"You mean the ones coated in blood and decorated with lacey hand fans?"
"Precisely. Delightful, aren't they?"
"I'll admit, they make good cupcakes."
"I've never cared much for sweets."
"I guess you must hate me. I'm the sweetest thing around."
"Oh, definitely. You can tell how detestable I find your nature by all the doting. Ah ha ha!" A laugh track accompanied his own laughter.
"For sure! And all that frowning you do."
They elbowed each other playfully, enjoying the casual banter. Alastor loved being feared, but it was still nice to speak with someone on equal ground now and again. It was a huge part of why he adored Rosie so much; She treated him like a friend rather than a threat. Elida had been doing the same thing. Powerful women really were such superior company.
When it was finally time, Alastor disappeared to his own room to change. He'd still be wearing a red tailcoat, but he'd commissioned one that was clean, untorn, and embellished with a bit of extra formality. He had his cane and shoes freshly polished.
Elida opened her own package to find an elegant red silk dress, lined with a fine black lace, and delicate obsidian gemstones placed along the neckline. They started off in a thick cluster and got thinner the further down the pattern went before submitting entirely to the shimmering red. The back had no zipper, instead sporting a corset-style tie up using the same black ribbon as the necklace Alastor had given her. She gasped in delight; it was spectacular. Alastor hadn't exaggerated when he'd complimented Rosie's designers.
Two of the spa workers helped her into the gown, tying the back to fit her dainty form. She kept her wings tucked in, grateful that the gown was designed to dip low enough on her back to open them if she needed.
With the gown on, the hair stylist finally did their job, crimping her hair in gentle waves and pulling it half up, tied with another black silk ribbon and several ruby pins. She was going to take an ungodly number of selfies before the night was out.
When she was all dolled up and ready, Elida went to check on Charlie and Vaggie. They hadn't had an entire crew of people helping them like she had, and she wanted to make sure they both felt as beautiful as she did. Making her way to the Princess's master suite, she found the door ajar and let herself in.
"Knock knock," She announced, "How are things going in here?"
"Heeeelp," Charlie called from the bathroom.
Elida walked in to see Vaggie attempting to fix Charlie's hair. Something had gone horribly wrong, and the hairspray was starting to solidify in a nightmare of a mess, like a bedhead on steroids.
"Oh no," Elida suppressed a giggle at the ridiculous image, "Let's get you cleaned up."
A bit of tugging and a glamour spell later, and Princess Morningstar was right as rain. Vaggie just settled for her usual bow. Their dresses were both eggplant purple, twin gowns to indicate they were attending together. Elida took a picture of the three of them looking fabulous and texted it to the group chat.
"It's almost time to leave. Let's go hunt down our resident overlord, shall we?"
"We'll meet you at the front," Vaggie said, taking Charlie's hand and checking the time on her phone.
Elida headed toward Alastor's room, only to find that he was already back at her door, fist raised to knock. She spoke to get his attention, "I like the top hat."
He tuned his head toward her with an unnatural snap. "By golly, aren't you a vision! But hmm... Something's missing."
"A crown?" She joked.
"Oh ho, no, darling. A smile! You know you're never fully dressed without one." He snapped his freshly sharpened fingers and summoned a red rose with black thorns. It was surrounded by magic flames, as if the heat was what sustained the bloom. "For you, Madame Ambassador."
It worked; A delighted smile lit up her face at the display. "Thanks! I know just what to do with this. Give me two seconds." She disappeared into her room and Alastor examined his nails while he waited. The manicurist was lucky that they hadn't missed a spot.
Elida looked in the mirror, placing the rose on her halo. A wave of her hand, and the thorny vine wrapped itself around the icy circlet, adding a final touch of life to the look, displaying the rose above her head. She emerged, locking the door behind her and taking Alastor's arm.
Heads held high, knowing they both looked magnificent, they walked through the hotel, pointedly ignoring the drooling looks from the resident sinners. It was amazing what a nice garment and a bit of perfume could do. Charlie and Vaggie were waiting for them, chatting with Husk. Elida went to give him a kiss on the cheek before they left, telling him to take it easy. The poor man had had his hands full with so many more people in the hotel. Everyone wanted to end their day with a drink, and it was starting to take its toll on him.
Elida was expecting to see the limousine that Alastor had been carting her around in for the past while, but when he opened the hotel door to let the ambassador, the princess, and the fallen exorcist out, there was an entirely different type of vehicle waiting for the four of them.
A classy red carriage with an open top and black leather seats sat waiting for them. It was being pulled by a mare that seemed to be more magma than flesh. It stamped and thrashed threateningly, smoke billowing from its nostrils and flames dancing on its tail. Elida desperately wanted to pet it.
A dapper demon in a tux sat in the driver's seat, holding the mare's glowing green chains. It was like something a villain in a fairytale would drive. Elida thought it was fantastic. The driver climbed down to open the door, which doubled as a staircase when pulled to the ground.
Alastor held his hand out to help Charlie up first, then Vaggie, who rudely ignored him, and finally Elida. He sat beside her, grinning easily. Vaggie was unimportant, but the Princess of Hell and the Ambassador of Heaven were two major status symbols that he would thoroughly enjoy showing off. He maintained a formal posture, straight backed and hands resting on his cane, while the driver cracked a whip and sent them on their way to Cannibal Town. Controlling their speed to make them fashionably late, the driver took pains to ensure there would be an audience to their entrance.
Alastor reached into his jacket pocket, pulling out Elida's dance card. He took the liberty of writing his own name three different times. He'd reserved her first, middle, and last dances. He put a John Doe in a few times so that Elida would have an opportunity to rest a bit throughout the party, but otherwise left the rest of the spaces empty.
"Give me your arm, dear," he ordered.
Elida obliged, allowing her friend to tie the dance card to her wrist, where it dangled like a paper bracelet. He'd already instructed her in how they worked. She pulled out a potion vial that she'd hidden in her bra and downed it, replacing the empty vessel back where it had been. He didn't see what the label said and certainly wasn't going to try to look now.
"Perhaps you should spread your wings for a while," he suggested, "give people something to gawk at, eh?"
So, Elida pulled her wings out of seemingly nowhere, shining blue feathers trailing along the back of the carriage.
The demons on the streets all turned to stare as the carriage drove along, out of place in its display of wealth among the blood and poverty. Some hid when they saw the Radio Demon's telltale smile, while others got their phones out to snap a photo of the Ambassador in all her glittering glory. None of the pictures quite turned out right unless Alastor's face was hidden.
The Radio Demon maintained his bougie pose through the entire ride, pleased to see that Elida did the same. Charlie and Vaggie slouched a bit, until Alastor told them they were nearly there. They sat up, trying to mimic Alastor and Elida's postures. They didn't do a very good job of it, but it didn't matter much. The cannibals already liked them by now.
As the carriage pulled up to the venue's entrance, a crowd of well-dressed demons mingled with one another. Some were watching the incoming guests, others were chatting merrily to one another, and some were already a little wine drunk. Music from a live orchestra wafted through the air.
The driver opened the door and Alastor stood up. He flashed his signature smile, sending a charismatic wink to a blushing cannibal girl he'd caught looking at him as he exited the carriage. He held his hand out to help Elida down, and left the driver to care for Charlie and Vaggie.
Elida placed a soft hand in his, fluttering gracefully to the ground before latching onto his arm once again. It was almost second nature by that point. She let her skin glow bright, chin held high, and a vibrant smile on her face. A few people forgot that it was considered rude to stare.
When they went inside, the pair examined their surroundings. Rosie laughed cheerfully with the same group of cannibal girls that Elida had seen trailing around Alastor so frequently. They were picking at the dishes sitting on a table laden with various treats and hors d'oeuvres. Some of the food was perfectly normal, like the fruit tarts and the wine tower. But what took Elida's full attention was the human corpse. It sat on a massive platter in the center of the table. It had an apple in its mouth and glazed skin, like a roast pig. She decided that she would be vegetarian for the next several hours.
People began approaching the two of them, making all manner of small talk. Sharp teeth and black eyes pointed toward the Radio Demon's radiant new associate, vying for her attention. All this Alastor expected.
What he didn't expect was to see the figure that walked in a few minutes after they had. His eyes narrowed and angry darkness surrounded him as he locked eyes with none other than his hated rival: Vox.