Chapter 3

Warning: depiction of a panic attack.

"Mrs. Volturi?"

She stood up as if there was a spring in her seat. The doctor looked tired. His expression was indecipherable, she couldn't tell if he came with good or bad news.

"That's me, " she said with a shaky voice. "Please, tell me how he's doing."

"He is stable, the worst is over. He'll be fine. They are moving him to the intensive care area and will tell you when you can come to see him," said the doctor with a faint smile.

She wanted to tackle the doctor in a hug but thought it wouldn't be appropriate.

"Thank you so much. Thank you."

At that moment she felt a void. The emptiness that came and never left. Dimitri would be fine, but how would they get over what happened with Alec?

The day was a total dumpster fire. Recess was a mosh pit of playground drama, nobody remembered the concept of raising hands, and one little Einstein decided launching a roundhouse kick was the best way to settle disputes. To top it all off, the principal decided today was the perfect day to grace my classroom with his "observational skills." I was about to write "see ya later, suckers" on my resignation letter when guess who sauntered up to my desk just as the bell rang? Yup, my personal champion of chaos himself.

"Miss Swan?" he asked shyly. After what happened, I decided to take back my maiden name. It hurt me a lot to be called by my husband's last name.

"Yes, Joshua?," I answered in my serious voice.

"Sorry, I was bad today. Tomorrow will be better."

I wanted to cry and hug him right then and there. He handed me a note that said "I'm sorry" and walked away to join the rest of his classmates. I think I'll come back tomorrow.

That whole day had made me feel like it was a harbinger of what would happen that night on my date. I didn't have high expectations. Jacob had given me the details of the place because I didn't want him to come to my house to pick me up. It was a precaution that I had always taken when I was young and which I did not intend to abandon, not that I had gone out much in my youth. I had Rosalie ready with an emergency call in case I needed to escape. I looked at the time and ran. I didn't want to be late.

I received three messages in a row.

Edward Cullen

Edward Cullen

Edward Cullen

That was it. I finally decided to block his number, kicking myself for not doing it sooner. I didn't want to know anything more about him. I knew that maybe I was being unfair but I couldn't forget the last words he had said to me.

"Hello, Max! " I greeted my puppy upon arrival. Max almost knocked me down, jumping on me with excitement. "Now, now. Easy boy. Hey, I can't take you out for a run today, I have a date."

The dog was stunned as if he understood what I had just told him. I let him out to the back patio while I went up to my room to get ready. I hadn't gone out on a date in years so it was very awkward trying to decide what to wear. I knew the restaurant we were going to, but I had never been. It was semi-formal so I opted for a black pencil skirt that reached above the knee and a loose pale pink blouse. They were clothes that I no longer wore and they felt strange on me. I never dressed like that for work or to see my friends. But I kept them because they reminded me of someone I used to be. I put on light makeup, another habit I had long ago abandoned. To tell the truth, I was about to look for a tutorial but it was almost like riding a bicycle; one never forgets.

I went to get Max and left him several dog treats so he wouldn't resent that I was going to leave him again. I scratched him behind the ear, promised I would be back soon, and headed towards my car to go to the stupid date.

The closer I got, the more my stomach did a nervous tap dance. Good nerves? Bad nerves? Honestly, who knew? Dawning horror struck – I didn't even remember what the guy looked like! Mentally kicking myself, I whipped out my phone and fired off a text describing my outfit. Scanning the lobby, I waited. Three minutes late – a personal best for me! Maybe he was one of those annoyingly punctual people and already ditched? That means I could go home! Curling up with Max, PJs, and a movie marathon sounded pretty darn appealing right about n...

"Bella?"

Fuck.

I spun around, ready to apologize for being late, and nearly choked on my own spit. Standing there was a total looker. Messy black hair that somehow still looked effortlessly cool, warm chocolate eyes, and a smile that could launch a thousand ships thanks to the dimples framing it. He practically bulged out of his black shirt, all broad shoulders and a strong jawline. Dammit Alice. Couldn't you have warned me?

"Jacob, I imagine," I responded, extending my hand.

"Just Jake, it's a pleasure," he took my hand and gave it a gentle kiss. I felt myself blush slightly.

If Dimitri could see me now... No, Bella, don't do this. You can do this. Stay in the present.

"Have you ever come here?" asked Jake with a gorgeous smile. Oof.

"No, but I have heard a lot about it. Everyone says the food is delicious," I replied, trying not to blush again.

At that moment, a hostess came to walk us to our table.

"Let's hope so, I can't ruin your first date. Alice says you've been widowed for three years, how's that going for you?"

"As addicts say, one day at a time," I looked at him carefully, trying to detect what I was afraid of. He pulled my chair for me to sit down.

"Yeah, my wife died 5 years ago. Time doesn't make it easier, just tolerable," he said sitting down after me.

It was then that something outright stupid came out to me.

"So Jasper and Alice saw us and said 'Look, these two are damaged, let's put them together'," I said sarcastically.

I looked down, embarrassed thinking that Jacob would leave at that moment. But I only heard a melodious laugh. I looked at him again.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean…"

He was panting.

"Sorry, I'm fine. It's just… of all the things, I didn't think you were going to say that," he was doubled over laughing and I couldn't help but laugh too. "How am I doing with the pity thing, by the way?" he asked, gaining composure.

"I think better than me. I'm sorry about your wife," I said sincerely.

"And I about your family. I can't imagine it. Do you want to talk about it?"

"Honestly? No. Not at all," I said. "I'd rather eat a habanero" That complete stranger was bringing about a long-forgotten honesty in me.

"Perfect," he replied. "What is your opinion on horror books?"

"Oh, I hate them. I'm a huge baby," I said quickly.

The night flowed with easy conversation and laughter – a welcome change from Netflix reruns with Max. Maybe it was the dim lighting, or maybe he just didn't flinch when I mentioned some of my quirks, but for the first time in a long while, I didn't feel like a cracked teacup. He seemed to have his own battle scars, hidden beneath that charming smile. Crazy thought – maybe there was a world where brokenness wasn't the end, but just another chapter. Maybe someday I could be like him – a little damaged, but holding myself together well enough to laugh over bad pizza jokes.

We had a little argument about the bill. I wanted to pay my share but he said he had to do it since he had invited me. I replied that it was a blind date so technically, no one had invited anyone. The conversation was flirtatious, but I tried to keep it out of that field as much as possible. In the end, the waitress let us know that the bill had already been paid since Jake had left his card when he arrived. Cheater.

"Thank you very much for the evening, Bella. I had an incredible time," Jake said as he walked me to my car.

"I did too. Thanks for inviting me"

"Can I ask you out again? Jasper and Alice don't have to find out," he joked as we stopped right by my car.

I laughed a little. It felt good, it wasn't the same laugh as before but the hole in my chest was at peace.

"Sounds good. See you."

He got very close to me and I was terrified that he was going to kiss me because the only logical reaction for me was to punch him in the face. Jake went past me and opened my car door for me.

"Have a good night, Bella."

I drove with some trepidation after thinking about what I thought would be a kiss. Then came the memories of my first date with Dimitri. We went to a festival. I won a teddy bear that I jokingly named after him, not knowing at the time how important he would be for me. The memory gave life to the hole inside of me. The emptiness wanted to consume me. I felt tears spill down my cheeks and the hole took control of my body and mind. I couldn't breathe. I was almost home and Max would help me. He always managed to calm me down. I was afraid for a moment, I thought I wouldn't make it.

I parked and got out of the car as quickly as I could. I began to stagger from lack of air, everything began to darken. I felt my heartbeat in my head. I wanted to throw up but I couldn't breathe, how the hell was I supposed to throw up when nothing was going down? For a second, I thought I would die right there and then.

"Hey, are you okay?" a voice asked.

I knew it. I knew it but I couldn't think. I couldn't breathe.

"Max," I managed to blurt. "Max"

"Who the hell is Max?" the voice asked, confused.

That's when we heard him barking. The voice took the keys from my hand and ran out to let my dog out. Max came to me and lay on my chest. I felt my thoughts coming back into order. My breathing was back under my control. But my heartbeats... Those weren't right. I looked at the figure in front of me who was looking at me with extreme worry.

"What the hell are you doing here?"