Chapter 32
It was the evening before Hannah was due to go on her school residential, she was absolutely dreading it but didn't know how she was going to get out of it. She had spent the last couple of days feeling so worried about going, school was awful enough as it was at the moment and the idea of having to spend two whole days with her peers was enough to make her feel sick.
Rachel was a bit worried about Hannah at the moment, she didn't seem herself at all. She was just clearing up after dinner when Gaby came in.
"Mum, have you thought any more about Joe's party?" Gaby asked, her Mum had seemed in a good mood tonight so she thought now might be a good time to ask her.
"No I didn't think I needed to give it a second thought given that you're grounded on the day of it" Rachel said
Gaby sighed, she might have known better than to think her Mum would let off being grounded that easily.
"Darling there will be other parties, you're a very popular girl, you get invited to things all the time" Rachel said, she couldn't help but feel a bit bad when she knew most of the year seemed to be going.
"Yeah I guess" Gaby said sounding disappointed
"I'm going to go on a run tomorrow, do you want to come with me?" Rachel asked, knowing running would normally cheer her daughter up.
"How far?"
"Maybe 6k, I don't know let's see how we feel"
"Yeah that sounds good, I fancy a fast run though so I won't be going at your pace"
"Oi you" Rachel said pretending to swat her with the tea towel
Gaby smiled and helped her Mum load the dishwasher.
"Gaby have you seen much of Hannah in school these last couple of days?"
"Not really why?"
"She just seems quiet"
"Yeah, I know what you mean, she's been in her room loads at home too"
"Do you think maybe you could keep an eye on her for me? Whatever's going on she doesn't want to talk to me about it"
"Yeah of course"
The two of them chatted for a bit, before Gaby went off to watch some TV with Amy while the two of them did their homework.
Rachel finished doing some jobs in the kitchen before deciding to check on Hannah.
She knocked on her door before going in.
Rachel was surprised to find Gaby in bed already, it had only just turned 8.30.
"Hey love, what are you doing in bed so early?"
"I'm just tired I guess"
'Are you all packed for tomorrow?" Rachel asked
"I think so"
"Ok, well maybe have a double check, you don't want to forget anything do you?"
'Yeah, I will, Rachel is it ok if I go to sleep now? I'm really tired"
"Of course, it is if that's what you want" Rachel said, "Have you already had a shower and everything?"
"Yeah"
"Ok well I'll see you in the morning then, sleep well darling"
As soon as Rachel left Hannah started to cry, she felt so nervous about tomorrow, just tonight she'd seen that someone had made a group chat about her, she'd already had a few horrible messages from people in her year, some even saying they wished she wasn't coming and how much more fun they'd have without her.
Hannah tried to go to sleep but just tossed and turned for ages, in the end she had a dream that all of the other children were chasing her during the residential, she kept trying to get away from them but couldn't, in the end they ended up pushing her into the lake.
It was then that Hannah woke up, she was crying out in fear.
It had only just gone 10 so Gaby was still awake, she heard some noise coming from Hannah's room so went in and found her cousin sobbing.
She flicked the light on.
"Hannah what's wrong?" Gaby asked instantly going over to her
"Nothing" Hannah cried
"Do you not feel well? Should I get my Mum"
"No go away" Hannah said through sobs
"Let me get mum" Gaby said going through to Rachel's room
Rachel was sat up in bed reading
"Mum Hannah's really upset; she's crying in bed"
Upon hearing this Rachel quickly got up and rushed through to Hannah's room.
She went over and crouched down next to her, holding her hand.
"Hey, hey, it's ok" Rachel said "Take some nice deep breaths"
"Rachel I can't go tomorrow .. I … I …" Hannah said struggling to catch her breath
"Han just try and calm down for me ok.. that's it" She said stroking her back "It's all ok"
Eventually Hannah calmed down a bit and rested her head against her auntie, Rachel stroked her hair softly.
"Now are you ready to tell me what's wrong" Rachel asked gently
"I had a bad dream" Hannah explained, this wasn't exactly a lie, "Sorry for waking you"
"You didn't wake me, I was in bed reading" Rachel said "What was your dream about?"
"I can't remember … Rachel please don't make me go tomorrow" Hannah said starting to cry again.
"Of course, I can't make you go Hannah, but I do want to understand why you don't want to go, especially when you were so excited about it not too long ago"
"I just don't want to be away from home"
Rachel thought this was strange, Hannah had been on lots of sleepovers before and it had never seemed to bother her.
"Darling has something happened at school?"
"No" Hannah said, a little too quickly
"You know you can tell me if it has"
"I know"
"Well why don't we talk in the morning huh? See how you feel then"
"Ok" Hannah said tearfully
"Do you want to go back to sleep now?'
Hannah nodded, although in reality she didn't want to go back to sleep as she was scared, she'd have another bad dream.
Rachel tucked her in again before flicking her light off and kissing her goodnight again.
As soon as her auntie left, Hannah felt really lonely and frightened again. She couldn't get back to sleep.
After an hour or so had past, Hannah couldn't stand it any longer, she decided to go and see if her auntie was still awake.
To her relief she saw the light was still on in her room, so she knocked on the door.
"Yeah, come in" Rachel said, wondering who it was
Hannah walked in and saw that Rachel was still sat up in bed reading, but she put her book down when she saw Hannah stood there, she still looked quite upset.
"Rachel I can't sleep" Hannah explained "Can I come in with you for a bit?"
"Yeah, come on" Rachel said budging up so Hannah could get in next to her.
"Don't tell anyone"
'I won't, but they wouldn't care, Gaby still comes in here sometimes you know"
"Really?"
"Yeah, although I hate it because she kicks me in her sleep" Rachel said causing Hannah to laugh
Rachel was feeling quite sleepy now so flicked the light off and put her arms around Hannah.
"Rachel"
"hmm" Rachel said sleepily
"I really don't want to go tomorrow" Hannah said sounding tearful again
"Why not' Rachel asked again, sounding more alert now
"I just want to be here" Hannah said
"Darling it's good for you to be away from home for a couple of nights'
'So I have to go" Hannah said sounding panicky
"I'm not saying that, we'll talk about it in the morning ok"
Hannah realised there was no point talking about it now, she cuddled into her auntie and eventually drifted off to sleep.
When she woke up the next morning, the familiar sense of dread returned, she felt so nervous about today but realised there wasn't a lot she could say to get out of it.
Rachel stirred a few minutes later, she was surprised to see that Hannah was already awake next to her.
"Morning Hannah" Rachel said wrapping her arms around her "How are you feeling this morning?"
"I'm ok" Hannah said unconvincingly "Is it ok if I go to your bathroom?"
"Of course, it is, you don't need to ask permission" Rachel said laughing slightly
A few minutes later Hannah came back out, she slowly started to get ready
"Han did you want to talk about the residential?" Rachel asked
She really hoped Hannah had decided to go, she thought it would do her so much good and didn't want her to miss out
"I'll try and go" Hannah said
'Oh, good girl, and I'm sure when you're there you'll have a great time, you'll be kept too busy to even think about school" Rachel said, glad Hannah had changed her mind, she knew it would be good for her to spend a couple of days away.
Hannah felt sick the entire time she spent getting ready, she was dreading what would happen on the residential.
Before long, it was time to get in the car and head off.
When they arrived at school, Rachel helped Hannah get all her stuff out and took it up to her form room.
"Right, I know you won't want a fuss when all your friends are here, so I'll say goodbye now ok" she said putting her arms around her. "You're going to have a fabulous time, but if you need anything or just want to chat, I'm only a phone call away remember"
Hannah nodded and bit her lip, trying hard not to cry.
Rachel squeezed her shoulders and kissed her on the cheek.
An hour or so later, it was time for them all to get on the bus. Hannah could instantly feel everyone's eyes on her and saw some of the boys giggling.
"Oh, look Josh it's your lucky day, your girlfriends decided to come" a boy called Tyler shouted
'What the hell is she doing here?" One of the girls asked "Like anyone would want to share a room with her'
Hannah wished the ground could swallow her up, all she wanted to do is run away and go back home
Just as she was about to get on the bus, one of the girls who had been particularly horrible to her stuck her foot out as she was walking on causing Hannah to fall onto the ground.
Hannah felt tears come to her eyes, she tried hard to stop them, but it was too late.
"Oh, Hannah I'm so sorry" Kaitlin shouted, "I didn't mean to promise"
Hannah felt the others laughing at her.
"It's really not worth crying about though" she said "you really are just a pathetic baby aren't you" she added darkly
Hannah forced herself to turn away and get on the bus. She sat alone near the front, thinking at least that way there would be teachers around her so surely no one would bother her then.
However, the whole way there she could feel things being thrown at the back of her head when the teachers weren't looking. She stayed silently crying the whole way there.
When she saw that they were pulling in, Hannah desperately tried to wipe away her tears, the last thing she wanted was to give anyone something else to tease her about.
They got off the bus and were asked to get into groups to share a room with.
Hannah stood there staring at the ground as they all sorted themselves out.
''Hannah who do you want to share with?" Miss Jones asked
Before Hannah could answer, Kaitlin shouted "She can share with us Miss, there's still room"
Hannah felt like she could cry all over again, panic flooded through her, there was no way she could share with Kaitlin and her friends of all people.
"Excellent, go on then Hannah off you go"
Hannah knew there was nothing she could do to get out of it, she had no choice but to go and stand with Kaitlin and the others.
"This is going to be fun" Kaitlin mumbled to a girl called Beth, with a smirk on her face.
'Right, you have 30. Minutes to go and get yourselves settled into your rooms and then come back down here ready for your first activity"
Hannah walked on ahead, but Kaitlin soon caught her up
"Not so fast, we need to make friends since we're going to be sharing together" she said, digging her nails into Hannah's shoulder and forcing her back
"Leave me alone" Hannah mumbled
"Now that's not very nice is it" Beth said "Kaitlin was kind enough to let you share with us, it wasn't like anyone else wanted to"
Hannah felt the familiar sting of tears again in her eyes
"Oh god why do you have to be such a baby? No wonder no one can stand you, you're so pathetic"
Hannah stayed silent, eventually they got to the room, she chose the bed furthest away from the others and started putting her stuff down on it.
"What do you think you're doing?" Kaitlin asked
"P..puting my s..stuff down" Hannah said stammering slightly
"Well you can p..p..put your s..stuff down on the floor" she said mimicking her
"But where will I sleep?"
"On the floor" Kaitlin replied "We need somewhere to put all our stuff and the bed will have to do"
Hannah didn't dare argue so started moving her stuff to the floor.
She heard her phone ping so got it out her bag, she saw it was Rachel asking how she was getting on.
Just as she was about to reply Kaitlin grabbed it out of her hand.
"Who's texting you? Who'd want to speak to you?"
"It's just my auntie" Hannah mumbled
"Oh sweet, god imagine living with the head how embarrassing"
"Can I have it back?"
"Say please"
"Please can I have my phone back?"
Kaitlin smirked at Beth and threw it in the direction of Hannah but made sure it hit the floor.
Hannah gasped, she picked it up and to her horror realised the front had smashed.
Just at that moment the door swung open and Miss Jones entered to see how they were getting on.
She was shocked to see Hannah in tears holding her smashed phone.
"Hannah how's that happened?"
"Kaitlin did it" Hannah said without thinking, she was just too worked up to think straight, she couldn't believe her phone had been smashed.
"What? Kaitlin is that true?"
"No miss, I just past it over to her and it slid out of her hand, it was an accident, but I feel so bad, I'm really sorry Hannah"
Hannah didn't say anything but continued to sob
"Honestly girls you've only been here 5 minutes and already this has happened, you really need to be more careful" she said "Now come on Hannah it's not worth getting this upset about"
"But my auntie is going to be really cross" Hannah said
"I'm sure she will be, phones cost a lot of money, but I'm sure she'll understand accidents happen, now all of you get ready please"
As soon as the door closed Kaitlin and Beth turned on Hannah
"You could have got me into trouble.. and now you're for it" she hissed "By the time we're done with you this trip, you'll wish you were never born"
"I'm sorry I didn't mean to" Hannah said
"Too late"
Kaitlin reached in her bag and to Hannah's surprise produced some cigarettes and a lighter from there.
"I stole these from my Mum, I think it would be rude not to give Hannah the first one"
"No, please don't make me" Hannah cried
Kaitlin ignored her and lit it up
"Smoke that, all of it"
"I don't want to" Hannah pleaded
"Do it or you're for it"
With a trembling hand, Hannah took hold of the cigarette, she tried it and it instantly made her cough.
"Keep going until it's finished"
As she smoked it, Kaitlin and Beth got their phones out and took some pictures of her.
By the time it was finished, Hannah could hardly breathe for coughing.
"Now you tell anyone about anything we do to you and we'll send this to your auntie" Beth said showing her the picture that they'd taken
"I won't tell I promise"
All Hannah wanted to do was leave, but she knew that wasn't an option she had no choice but to follow the girls out towards their first activity.
It was kayaking, Hannah reluctantly got into her lifejacket and followed them towards the boats.
Just as she was about to get in, she felt a kick on her back, it took her by surprise and caused her to fall forwards into the water.
The water was surprisingly cold, she felt like she couldn't catch her breathe.
Before she knew it she was being helped out by two of the instructors. Her skin had turned pale and she was shivering violently.
"Oh god Hannah are you ok? How did that happen?" Miss Jones asked rushing towards her
"I slipped on the wood" Hannah said her teeth chattering
"You're absolutely freezing, come on I'll take you back to the dorms, you can get warmed up"
Hannah didn't need telling twice, she was so glad to be away from the girls. She was shacking and felt very weak. Miss Jones helped her back, Hannah didn't say anything but as soon as she got back in, she started to cry.
"Hannah what is it? Are you not feeling well" Miss Jones asked in a surprisingly gentle tone, she was known for being one of the strictest teachers.
"I feel really sick" Hannah said truthfully
"Why don't you get a nice warm shower and into some clean clothes"
"Ok" Hannah said
"I'll wait outside in case you need anything"
As soon as she got in the shower, Hannah began to worry that one of the girls was about to come in. she felt so scared and shaken up by everything that had happened. She tried to be as quick as she could and then got changed into fresh clothes.
As soon as she got out she suddenly began to feel really sick, it was from a mixture of the constant anxiety she'd felt all day, the cold water and the cigarette.
She rushed to the toilet and was badly sick
A few minutes later she came out, Miss Jones was shocked when she saw her pale sweaty face.
'Hannah are you unwell?"
Hannah nodded her head "I've just been sick; I really don't feel well"
"Oh dear, maybe we should call your auntie if you're this unwell"
Hearing this made Hannah feel immensely relieved, all she wanted was to be home with her auntie.
Miss Jones took her back up to the dormitories and found Rachel's number.
She answered more or less immediately
"Hi Rachel, it's Catherine"
"Oh hi, how's it all going? Are the kids enjoying it?" Rachel asked cheerfully
"Yeah, it's a great site, look I've got Hannah here, she's really not very well, she fell in the water and was badly sick a few minutes ago"
"Oh no, can I talk to her?"
"Sure, I'll put her on"
She handed the phone over to Hannah, who took it with a shaking hand, "Rachel"
Hearing Hannah's voice instantly made Rachel worried, she could tell how upset she was.
"Hey .. hey darling what's wrong? Are you not feeling well?"
"I feel really bad, I'm really sorry but please can I come home?"
"Of course you can, listen I'll leave school now and I can be with you in half an hour, it's not far away, don't worry about a thing ok"
"Are you mad at me?"
"Don't be silly, I'm not mad at all" Rachel said "I'll be there soon, put me back on to Miss Jones so I can let her know"
Rachel explained to Miss Jones that she was coming over and then put the phone down.
"Right do you want to go back into the room and get your stuff together"
Hannah went back in, to her relief the girls weren't back yet, she quickly packed her things and got outside as quickly as she could.
As she was waiting for Rachel outside, she spotted Kaitlin and Beth coming back.
"What's Hannah doing miss?"
"She's not well her auntie's going to come and get her"
"Oh no, hope you feel better soon Hannah" Beth said
"Let us know if you need anything"
"Thank you girls, you two go back to your room before your next activity"
A few minutes later, one of the windows opened.
"Hannah you've left something in the room, come and get it" Kaitlin shouted
Hannah dreaded going back in there but realised she didn't have a choice.
She felt terrified as she walked in
Suddenly both girls cornered her
"We'll get you for this" Beth said "I'd watch out if I were you"
Suddenly Hannah felt Kaitlin kick her in the stomach so hard it caused her to double over.
Shaking, she rushed out of the room and waited with Miss Jones.
A few minutes later, Hannah saw Rachel's car pulling in. Rachel was still in her smart suit as she had come straight from work.
As soon as she saw her Hannah rushed over to her and wrapped her arms around her before bursting into tears.
'Hey" Rachel said surprised, "Hey you, what's wrong?"
"I just don't feel well" Hannah sobbed
"Ok, let's get you home then, come on" Rachel said squeezing her hand
Hannah got in the passenger seat beside Rachel.
"Let me just talk to Miss Jones quickly and then we'll get going ok"
Hannah nodded, Rachel went off and spoke to Miss Jones before returning a few minutes later.
"Rachel I'm really sorry but my phone screen got smashed" Hannah cried
Normally, Rachel would have given any pone of the girls a lecture about looking after their things but didn't think this was necessary given how upset Hannah clearly was.
'Ok, well it's hardly the end of the world is it?" She said "We can get it fixed at the weekend, you just put a bit of your pocket money towards it deal?"
Hannah nodded, relieved her auntie hadn't got angry about it.
Rachel was really worried about Hannah; she really didn't seem herself at all but knew this wasn't the right time to start questioning her.
"Were you badly sick Hannah?"
"Yeah, but I don't feel too bad now"
'Ok, well just take it easy tonight, watch some telly and then have an early night"
Hannah nodded, suddenly she began to feel really sleepy, she'd barely slept last night and felt exhausted after everything that had happened. She closed her eyes and within minutes fell asleep.
Rachel smiled when she heard Hannah snoring gently, she looked so young she thought to herself.
Hannah ended up sleeping the whole way back home, Rachel felt mean waking her when they got back.
She shook her arm gently and Hannah began to stir.
"Hey we're home"
Hannah felt confused at first but then remembered everything that had happened and why she was home. She slowly got out the car and helped Rachel carry her stuff in.
As soon as they were home Gaby rushed over to Hannah and gave her a hug.
"Hannah are you ok?"
"Yeah I just didn't feel that well" Hannah explained
"That's crap on your school trip, do you want to watch TV with me and Amy, you can pick a film"
Hannah nodded and went through to the lounge with Amy and Hannah. She sat and watched TV with them, it felt so nice to be surrounded by both of them and being with people who seemed genuinely happy to have her around. She was so relieved to be back home.
"How was the trip Hannah?" Amy asked
"It was ok" Hannah said unconvincingly, "I just got really sick"
"Oh that's awful" Amy said sympathetically "Well at least you're home now"
A few minutes later Rachel appeared in the lounge, she'd got changed into her running stuff, it always surprised Hannah how different Rachel looked when she wasn't in her work stuff.
"Gaby do you still want to do that run?"
"Yeah, I'll go and get ready"
"Will you two keep an eye on Ivy for me? She's just upstairs playing at the moment"
"yeah sure" Amy replied
"How are you feeling now Hannah?"
"A bit better"
"Well just take it easy ok. I'll make dinner when Gaby and I get back"
A few minutes later Gaby appeared back in the lounge, she'd changed into her running stuff.
"Right come on then" Rachel said "And we're taking it easy yeah? No rushing off like Usain bolt"
"I'll try" Gaby said laughing
Rachel always did love going out running with Gaby, it was the one thing they still got to do just the two of them.
They set off and started at a nice steady pace.
"How's it going with Ellie at the moment Gaby" Rachel asked, realising that her and Gaby hadn't spoken about her in a while.
"We're not really seeing each other anymore" Gaby said
"Oh that's a shame, how do you feel about that?"
"Yeah ok I guess, it's weird I was into her but then I think I still like boys too, does that make sense?"
"Of course it does, you're young and still figuring stuff out"
"Would you prefer it if I dated boys"
"Oh Gaby I don't give a who you date as long as they're decent" Rachel said "All I want is for you to be happy"
"So you really wouldn't care either way?"
"No not in the least, I'll tell you what I do care about though, going so fast on this bloody run- slow down will you"
Gaby laughed, she always did feel much more open and able to talk as they were running.
"Is Hannah ok, she seems really quiet?" Gaby asked.
"I'm not sure, she was in such a state about the trip last night and then she was so upset when I picked her up, I do worry about her. Has she said anything to you about school or anything?"
"No nothing, she does seem to be by herself quite a bit though. I don't know if maybe she's had a falling out with her friends"
"I'll try and have a chat with her later, could you and keep a little eye on her too. I know how much she loves you and Amy"
"Yeah of course" Gaby said "come on mum pick up the pace, you're slacking"
"I'm hardly slacking Gaby, I feel like I could have a heart attack"
Gaby laughed, "come on. Only 1k to go, big sprint finish yeah?"
"Absolutely not, you go on ahead"
Gaby sighed but stayed by her mum's side.
"Come on then old woman, let's see if we can drag you to the finish line" she teased
After what seemed like the longest kilometre ever for Rachel, the two of them finally arrived home, Rachel looking considerably worse off than Gaby.
"What's for tea Mum? I'm starving"
"Let me catch my breath first Gaby" Rachel said "and I need a shower"
Gaby opened the door up and Rachel followed slowly behind
"Did you two have fun?" Amy said, laughing at her auntie's very red face
"Well she might have done, I however feel like I need to lie down for a week"
"She's being dramatic" Gaby said "she loves it really"
Rachel quickly checked on Ivy before having a shower. She enjoyed letting the cool water run over her body.
A little while later she decided to make a start on dinner.
Gaby was in the shower so it was just Amy and Hannah together on the sofa.
Suddenly Hannah's phone pinged, she looked at it and saw it was a message from Beth, it was the photo she'd taken of her smoking earlier and underneath she'd just written- you're for it.
Hannah instantly began to panic again, she felt like she could be sick.
"Are you ok Hannah, you don't look very well" Amy asked sounding worried.
"I feel sick again"
"Really you seemed fine a minute ago"
"Yeah it's just come on suddenly"
"Do you want me to get you some water?"
"Yes please" Hannah said
Amy quickly got up and went into the kitchen where Rachel was chopping some vegetables for dinner.
"Hey, what are you after ? Dinner will be another 20 minutes so if you want a snack that's fine"
"Hannah doesn't feel well, I'm just getting her some water"
"Oh really, what's wrong with her?"
"She said she feels sick"
"Oh no, I thought she seemed better. Will you do me a favour love and chop that onion up for me, I'll just check on her"
"Sure, I can sort the rest of dinner out if you want"
"It's fine darling, I'll only be a couple minutes. Thank you though"
Rachel went through to the lounge and saw Hannah curled up on the sofa, she did look really pale.
"Hey, Amy said you weren't feeling well."
"I just feel really tired and shaky"
"Do you fancy anything to eat?"
"No I'm not hungry"
"Ok, well how about a nice hot bath and then bed. You didn't sleep well last night so maybe a good nights sleep is what you need" Rachel said
"Yeah that sounds good,"
"I'll ask Amy to finish preparing dinner and I'll run it now for you"
"Thanks Rachel"
Rachel went through and asked Amy to finish preparing the vegetables and then started running Hannah's bath.
About 10 minutes later she called her up.
Hannah really did feel awful, she was so worried about everything and what was going to happen next, she was also feeling pretty unwell to from all the anxiety of the day.
"Your baths ready love" Rachel said, "I'll leave you to it but just shout if you need anything ok?"
"Ok"
Hannah quickly got undressed and got into the bath, it felt nice to feel properly warm again but when she thought of everything that had happened she started to cry, she felt sick at the thought of having the face everyone again and she was beginning to feel what they were saying about her was true. She wondered if anyone actually liked her or did they just feel stuck with her? Her auntie and cousins had never made her feel like that but she started to think they must hate having her around deep down.
Hannah was so caught up in her own thoughts she hadn't noticed how long she'd been in the bath for until Rachel started knocking
"Han is everything ok in there?" Rachel asked "you've been in the bath ages"
"Yeah I'm ok, sorry I'll come out in a second"
Hannah quickly let the water out and wrapped a towel around herself before coming out
Her auntie was stood there looking worried
"Dinner is ready, are you sure you don't want anything?"
"No I'm fine, I'm not that hungry" Hannah said "I think I'm just going to go to bed"
"Ok well I'll come and say good night in a bit"
Hannah went off into her bedroom and got into bed, she suddenly felt exhausted after the day, all she wanted to do was go to sleep but whenever she tried to she just pictured Caitlin's face. She imagined what they'd be like on Friday when they were back at school after the residential.
Hannah just laid there playing moments from the day over and over in her head
About 20 minutes later, her door creaked open and Rachel came in.
She went and knelt down next to Hannah, to Rachel's surprise Hannah wrapped her arms around her
"Hey" she said stroking her back gently
Hannah wished she could stay cuddled into her auntie forever, she felt so safe there and breathed in the familiar scent of Rachel's perfume- it made her feel comforted.
"Hannah what's wrong darling?" Rachel asked gently
"Nothing, I just don't feel well"
"It's not nothing, you weren't ok last night either." Rachel said
"I'll be fine tomorrow"
Rachel knew there must be more to this but also knew the last thing Hannah would want was to be pushed
She kissed Hannah gently on the cheek and tucked her in.
"Come into my room if you need me in the night ok?"
Hannah nodded, as soon as Rachel left she felt scared again. Eventually she managed to drift off to sleep however when she did she had an awful nightmare. She imagined kaitlin waking her up in the night, she forced her to go outside to where the lake was and pushed her in again, only this time she kept her head down, Hannah tried to scream but couldn't, she was surrounded by water and couldn't get out.
Suddenly Hannah woke up, gasping for air, she still felt like she was in the water even though she was awake and this time the water felt strangely warm.
Hannah was confused at first, she couldn't understand why she still felt so wet but then to her horror felt that her pyjama bottoms and bedsheets were soaked through.
"No, no, no" she whispered, she couldn't believe this had happened
She instantly started to panic, how on earth was she going to explain this to Rachel, she'd never felt more embarrassed. The thought of anyone knowing about this, even her auntie, made her feel sick.
Panic stricken, she grabbed the sheets off the bed and changed her trousers
She quickly made her way downstairs towards the washing machine, however she got a shock when Rachel was still in the kitchen doing some work. She hadn't realised it was still quite early
"Hey Han what's up?" Rachel asked looking up from her laptop
Hannah stood frozen to the spot, not knowing what to say
Rachel saw the stuff in her arms and was confused
"I'm sorry" Hannah said before rushing past her auntie and quickly putting her things in the wash before running back upstairs
"Hannah wait" Rachel called
She went over to the washing machine and got Hannah's stuff out, realising what must have happened.
"Oh Hannah" Rachel sighed, feeling immensely sorry for her. She knew how mortified any 12 year old would be about this, especially Hannah who was so sensitive anyway. She couldn't help but feel a bit shocked but knew she'd have to react calmly or it would upset Hannah even more
Rachel gave it a few minutes before going upstairs and knocking on Hannah's door
"Go away" Hannah sobbed
Rachel couldn't leave her when she sounded so upset, she went into her room and found Hannah with her knees tucked up to her chin crying
She didn't say anything but went over and pulled her into her chest, stroking her hair gently
"Shh it's alright" she whispered, soothing her as if she was ivy's age again
"Rachel I can't believe I …"
"Hannah it's ok we don't have to talk about it, not if you don't want to. I know you must be feeling embarrassed and I certainly don't want to make things any worse but I do want you to know it's ok"
"but I .. I .. I " Hannah stammered unable to get her words out
"I know, it's ok, it's all ok, it's hardly the end of the world is it huh?'
"Are you mad?"
"No, of course I'm not mad, how could I be when you're this upset? I just want to make sure you're ok"
"Please don't tell anyone, please don't …"
"Shh Hannah it's ok, I'm not going to say a word, not to anyone"
"I had this dream, I was drowning in water and then I just woke up"
"Well that can't have been nice for you" Rachel said "darling I know it's horrible, but these things happen sometimes. It's probably because you're exhausted and had a rubbish day"
Hannah didn't say anything but relaxed slightly against her auntie
"You do know you can talk to me about anything though, I promise you Hannah nothing you ever tell me is going to make me think any less of you"
A few moments passed and then Hannah whispered "Rachel I need to tell you something, I've done something really bad"
" whatever it is it's not going to be as bad as you think"
Hannah took a deep breathe "It is, I smoked some of a cigarette on the trip'
"ok" she said calmly "do you want to tell me why?"
Hannah couldn't believe her aunties reaction, she remembered how crazy Rachel had gone when she found Amy smoking once.
"Why aren't you going mad?"
"Because I know you Hannah and I know fine well you wouldn't just do something like that for no reason"
Hannah didn't know what to say, she didn't really know why she'd told her aunt, it was just something she had to get off her chest.
"So why did you do it?"
"I'm sorry" Hannah cried
Hannah didn't know what to say, she didn't know why she'd told her auntie in the first place, she just couldn't stand keeping it to herself
Rachel sighed, she could see that talking about this was upsetting Hannah and didn't want to make her more distressed than she already was.
"Right we're going to talk about what you've just told me tomorrow ok?" Hannah just nodded her head
"Now you young lady have had an awful day and I think it's time you got some sleep isn't it?" Rachel said
The thought of going back to sleep panicked Hannah, she hated the thought of having another dream or even worse having a repeat of earlier
As if reading her mind Rachel said, "do you want to come in with me again?"
Hannah thought about it and then nodded
"Do you want a drink or anything to eat before bed, you must be hungry"
"Could I have some water?"
"Sure, I've just got a few bits to sort downstairs but I'll be up in a few minutes so go and make yourself comfortable"
Hannah went into Rachel's room and got into her bed. She hated feeling like a baby but the thought of sleeping on her own made her feel so anxious.
Rachel went downstairs and loaded the dishwasher and put the washing machine on. She couldnt stop thinking about Hannah and worrying about what was going on with her.
She grabbed a fresh sheet from the airing cupboard and put it on Hannah's bed before going into her room.
Hannah was already fast asleep when she got in even though she'd only been a couple of minutes, she smiled and got in next to her.
Just as Rachel was drifting off to sleep she heard her bedroom door open, she sighed and looked up to see Ivy stood there
"Ivy what's wrong?" Rachel asked sleepily
"There's a burglar downstairs"
"No there's not, go back to sleep" Rachel mumbled, closing her eyes again
"There is I heard them" ivy insisted
Rachel sighed and opened her eyes
"When"
"A couple of minutes ago, I woke up to go to the toilet and I heard them"
"Darling that was just me, I needed to put the dishwasher on"
"Oh ok, why's Hannah in your bed?" Ivy asked
"Because she couldn't sleep"
"Can I come in too?"
"No there's no room, go on, go back to your bed"
Reluctantly ivy went back to her room.
Hannah woke up early the next morning, suddenly everything from the previous night came flooding back to her, anxiously she felt the sheets on Rachel's bed but luckily they were still dry.
The thought of school today made her feel terrified, even if most of her year were away on residential there were still plenty of people who could make her life miserable.
She still felt mortified about the previous night, she felt like she couldn't face her auntie today, even though she'd been really nice about it. She decided to get up and go in the shower.
Rachel woke up and was surprised that Hannah wasn't in bed.
She decided to get up and get ready before waking the girls up.
A little while later they all came down for breakfast, Hannah came down, she sat straight down and avoided eye contact with Rachel. She was confused when she saw her auntie was in jeans and a casual top
"Hannah why are you in your school clothes?" Rachel asked
"What do you mean?"
"I can't send you in today can I? You were sick yesterday so you'll need to stay off for 48 hours"
"What so I can't go back until Monday?" Hannah asked quickly doing the maths
"Yep".
Relief instantly flooded through Hannah, she immediately felt ten times lighter
"Grandma is away so I've arranged to work from home today and tomorrow so I can look after you. I have got quite a few meetings on teams though so you'll have to keep yourself occupied"
"Can I stay off?" Ivy asked
"No there's nothing wrong with you"
"That's not fair, you let Hannah do everything, like she was allowed to sleep in your bed last night and I wasn't"
Hannah immediately went red, she didn't want Gaby or Amy to hear about this, the last thing she wanted was them to think she was a baby
"Shh and get on with your breakfast please" Rachel said firmly sensing that Hannah felt embarrassed
"Are you feeling better now Hannah?" Amy asked
"A bit" Hannah replied
"Well we can have a chilled day today, I've got lots of work to do so you can just watch some telly or something" Rachel said
They all finished breakfast and then got in the car so Rachel could drop them off at school
"Oh mum I'm going to be late tonight?"
"Why you're grounded remember"
"Yeah but I've got a detention"
"For gods sake Gaby, you had detention last week, what have you done now?"
"Forgot my French homework" Gaby said causing Rachel to roll her eyes
They dropped Ivy off and then drove over to school
"Right you two be good please" Rachel said
Gaby and Amy got out leaving Hannah and Rachel alone
Hannah was still feeling really embarrassed about last night and felt awkward speaking to Rachel.
"Are you feeling ok now?" Rachel asked breaking the silence
"Yeah better"
Rachel knew she needed to talk to Hannah about last night and what she'd told her but didn't want to upset her again. She thought it might be good to talk now while they were in the car
"Han can we talk about last night?"
Hannah suddenly looked panic stricken
"No not about …" Rachel said quickly "look I told you it's not the end of the world, it's probably just that you were tired"
"I don't want to talk about it" Hannah said her eyes filling with tears
"That's not what I want to talk to you about. I want to know why you were smoking"
"It's because the two girls I was sharing with brought them and I felt like I'd look like a baby"
"Who were you sharing with?"
"I can't tell you"
"Why?"
"Because you'll tell them off"
"Well rigjt not I'm speaking to you as your auntie not your headteacher"
"I don't want to say"
"Fine" Rachel sighed "but Hannah doing something like that is stupid, you know how dangerous it is. You've got good friends you don't need to impress anyone"
Hannah didn't say anything
"How are things with your friends?"
"Fine"
"Just fine?"
"Yeah"
"Do you want to ask Olivia and Jess over this weekend?"
"No" Hannah said quickly "I mean they're busy I think"
"Ok" Rachel said "you know it's ok to have fallings out with your friends and we can always talk about it"
"I guess they just have other friends now"
"And how do you feel about that?" Rachel asked gently
"It's fine"
"So who are you hanging out with at the moment "
Hannah shrugged
"You do have people to hang out with don't you?"
"Yeah" Hannah said a bit too quickly
Rachel tried to chat to Hannah a bit more about it but it became increasingly clear she didn't want to talk
They got back home and Rachel went off to get her laptop
Hannah went into the lounge and put a film on, she found one on Netflix called black swan, she'd heard Gaby and Amy talking about it before so decided to put it on
Rachel came back a few minutes later and pulled a face when she saw that Hannah was watching
"Hannah do you have to watch that? It's hardly appropriate"
"Amy and Gaby said it was good"
Rachel sighed but decided to let her watch it, she was getting older now after all
She sat down next to her and did some work on her laptop.
It was nice just to chill together the two of them, Hannah felt relaxed for the first time in ages.
"Are you up for something to eat?" Rachel asked
"Yeah I feel better now"
"Ok, I'm going to make soup are you ok with that?"
"Yeah" Hannah said
Rachel went into the kitchen and made the soup before calling Hannah through
"I'm going to be naughty and go for my run after lunch, I don't think my body can take another run with Gaby" Rachel said "I've got a dress being delivered so will you listen out for it"
"Sure, what's your dress for"
"Angela and I are going out tomorrow so I wanted something new to wear"
After lunch, Rachel tidied up before going upstairs to get ready for her run.
Hannah heard a knock on the door so went to answer it and realised it was Rachel's dress
Hannah went upstairs
"Rachel" Hannah shouted, unable to find her auntie
"I'm just on the loo" Rachel called back
"I've got your dress"
"Oh ok, put it on my bed then I'll try it on in a minute"
A few minutes later rachel came out
"Do you want to help me decide whether to keep this or not?" Rachel asked removing the dress from the packaging
"Sure" Hannah said "but you're dressed for running"
"Yeah well it won't take me long to change will it" Rachel said removing her running clothes
Rachel changed into the black dress, it fitted her perfectly and she looked beautiful
"What do you think Han?" Rachel asked Hannah who was sat on the bed next to her
"You look beautiful" Hannah said truthfully
"Aw thanks darling, this can be a keep them" Rachel said smiling before changing back into her running clothes
It felt so nice for Hannah to do something normal again
A few hours passed and before long the girls were home from school, all except Gaby who was still yet to come back
"Amy has Gaby answered any of your texts" Rachel asked
"No but she won't have her phone with her in detention will she?"
"There's no way she should be this late" Rachel said "I'm going to ring school and see if she's still there
Rachel rang the office and asked about Gaby, to her shock she heard that Gaby wasn't there and hadn't been in detention
Rachel immediately started to panic, wondering where on earth Gaby was.
She was just about to go out and look for her when suddenly the door swung open
Gaby walked in and to everyone's surprise her skin looked much browner than it has been just this morning
"How was detention?" Rachel asked icily
"Yeah fine" Gaby responded
"Do you want to cut the crap, I know you didn't go so you can stop lying to me, where have you been? And why are you so bloody brown?"
"Must have caught the sun on our run yesterday"
"Do you take me for an idiot Gaby? It was cloudy yesterday"
Gaby sighed, she might have know this was not a good idea
"We went on some sunbeds, the guy let us in"
"What?" Rachel exploded "tell me you're not serious"
"Mum chill out"
"No I will not chill out, how could you be so stupid? Do you have any idea how dangerous those things are?"
"It's not that big a deal"
"It is a big deal, they're illegal anyway until you're 18 so why the hell they let you in I've got no idea"
"I guess we look older"
"Why are you being so cavalier about this? You do know those things can give you cancer don't you?"
"Not from one session, anyway you smoked when you were younger and that can give you cancer"
"I'd think really carefully before answering back if I were you" Rachel snapped "I just can't believe you Gaby, you're a clever girl and yet you go and do ridiculous things like this"
"Mum don't you think you're overreacting?"
"No I do not" Rachel said "I'm just so angry with you, you're meant to be grounded"
Gaby sighed, her and Rachel were very close but she hated it when she lost her cool, she could just go on and on forever
"Did you know about this?" Rachel asked suddenly turning to Amy who was staying very quiet
"Don't look at me I didn't know anything about it" Amy insisted
"Well I've
Rachel continued to lecture Gaby for another 10 minutes or so before eventually moving on