A Bitter Pill to Swallow- chapter 10
Tony and Mona were able to get a reservation at the hotel and managed to get a few hours of sleep. Tony was really struggling with his shoulder. He felt like the pain meds weren't working nearly as well as they had before, when he realized he was four hours overdue for his next dosage. He took the medication and soon fell back to sleep for a few more hours.
Tony woke up just before lunchtime and met Mona at the cafe in the hotel lobby. They ordered a quick lunch as well as food for both Angela and Jonathan before asking for the check.
"I hope he likes the sandwich we ordered. He wasn't too fond of the burger we got him from here…" said Tony as he finished his meal.
"Those medications can really do a number on your stomach. I remember my sister used to lose so much weight when she would go on the medication again, then they'd adjust the medication and she'd gain it back again. It was like a yo-yo" said Mona.
"He's so skinny as it is and he lost weight already. He doesn't have any left to lose!" said Tony.
"I know… he will put it back on though… we just need to make sure his mother remembers to eat… she doesn't have much to lose either…" said Mona.
"And you know when she gets really upset and stressed she skips meals. I'm gonna have to be on top of both of them so they don't waste away in front of me…" he said with worry in his voice. The waitress brought them the check as they paid and headed out of the cafe. Mona drove them back over to the hospital. Angela and Jonathan were watching television when they entered the room.
"Hi everyone! We've brought you back some food from the cafe. I hope you both like it" said Tony as he handed the bag to Angela.
"Thank you Tony. It smells delicious. Here you go Jonathan" she said as she took out his sandwich and laid it out for him. She closed the bag with her food and put it down next to her side.
"Angela, you need to eat too" said Mona.
"I'm not that hungry. I'll save it for later" she said.
"Angela! You didn't eat breakfast and you need to eat lunch, then head back and get some rest before dinner" said Tony.
"They're right Mom. You need to eat something" he said as he picked at his own sandwich.
"Okay, okay! I guess I'm outnumbered!" she said as she opened the bag and took out her food. Tony watched them both as they picked at their food. He kept encouraging them to eat but eventually gave up after they both barely ate half of their food.
"Alright Angela. How about you head to the hotel and sleep for a bit…" said Mona.
"I'm really not too tired surprisingly. I'll stay a bit longer then head out" said Angela as she tried to stifle a yawn.
"Mom, you need to go rest. I'll be fine, I promise. Grandma and Tony will be here. Go rest" he said.
"Alright… call the hotel if you need anything. I'll be back over for dinner" she said as she kissed Jonathan goodbye. Tony walked her out as Mona stayed in the room.
"So how many dates are you missing because of me?" he asked, half seriously, half sarcastically.
"Oh about five or six… but have you seen some of the doctors walking around this place? I'll make up for it I'm sure…" she said with a laugh.
"I'm sure you will… you can find an eligible guy a mile away… I guess I didn't inherit those genes…" he said sadly.
"Give it time Jonathan! You dated a few girls last year as I recall. Anyone you really liked?" asked Mona.
"No… none lasted more than a few dates. Let's face it… I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life…" he said.
"With that attitude absolutely…" said Mona.
"Uh aren't you supposed to be like nice and tell me how good a catch I am, how any girl would be happy to date me, there are plenty of fish in the sea… other lies like that…" he said.
"Well first of all they wouldn't be lies and secondly, why waste my breath when you're not going to believe it anyway?" she said matter of factly.
"I knew it would just be a matter of time until even you all turned on me… you're no better than dad…" he said with anger in his voice.
"Now wait a second! No one is turning their backs on you or will anytime soon! Tony should be resting at home with that shoulder but instead he is here, getting crappy sleep and in pain. I'm here and could be on my second date by now. And let's talk about the walking dead that is your mother right now. She is holding everything together for you and for all of us. She's barely sleeping or eating, she's worrying so much about you! So don't even think for a minute anyone is turning on you or heaven forbid turning into that snake of a father of yours!" said Mona.
"You say that now…" he started to say until Mona cut him off.
"I'll say that now, tomorrow and forever because it's true. There's nothing you can say or do for any of us to ever give up on you! Your mind might be lying to you in other ways, but I want it to listen to me well and good! You are part of this family and we love you no matter what!" she said.
"Okay, okay…" he relented.
"There that's better! Never argue with your grandma… you will lose every time!" she laughed, causing Jonathan to smile.
"I've missed that smile… feels like it's been forever since I've seen it for real. I know there's a lot going on right now, but maybe start to think about talking to someone. You may not believe it, but you deserve to feel better" she said.
"What's the point? It's not going to change anything. I'll still be the loser, the baby of the family, the crazy one…" he said.
"Jonathan you're not crazy. Having a mental health disorder doesn't mean you are dumb or stupid or crazy. You are still the same person you have always been. And once you realize that and start getting some help, you might even find out you're turning into an even better version of you- one that's going to more aware of yourself and your feelings" she said.
"I… I think I'm going to close my eyes for a while…" he said as he laid down on the bed. Mona picked up a magazine and flipped through until Tony came back in a few minutes later. They both stayed for the next few hours.
Meanwhile, Angela pulled out of the hospital parking lot and headed towards the hotel. She pulled into the parking lot and sat in the car for a few minutes.
"Okay Angela… let's make mental list of everything you need to do. Contact the social worker about family counseling referrals, get fed up waiting for referrals and do it myself, confirm Tony's MRI for next week, check in with work and move around client meetings… oh no! I forgot to bring my work bag! I hope I have Jack's number somewhere in my purse" she said as she looked through her purse. As she was pulling out her address book, her hand got caught on the inside of her purse. When she tried to free her hand, her entire purse spilled out all over the car.
"Dammit!" she yelled as she took her purse and threw it across the car. She hit her hands as hard as she could against the steering wheel until the pain became too much. Tears of anger and rage, but also sadness and hopelessness, poured down her face.
"Why? Why! Why is this happening? What did we ever do to deserve this? He doesn't deserve any of this! I don't think I can handle it…" she said as she sobbed into her hands. After crying for at least ten minutes, Angela sat back in the seat, utterly exhausted. She quickly wiped her eyes, checking herself in the mirror. She barely recognized the face looking back at her in the mirror.
She managed to put the contents of her purse back and headed into the hotel. She was able to find the room since it was only a few doors down from their previous hotel room. She opened the door, threw down her stuff and collapsed on the bed. She stared up at the ceiling, hoping sleep would just overtake her but it didn't. Finally, after tossing and turning for almost a half an hour, she fell into a fitful sleep.
Angela was startled awake a few hours later by the phone ringing. She was actually happy to be woken up as she was in the middle of her another nightmare. She was finding in the recent days, nightmares were becoming more frequent.
"Hello?" she answered groggily. "What do you want Michael? I thought I made myself perfectly clear… fine… yes I will tell him when I think the time is right… bye Michael…" she said as she hung up the phone.
She collapsed back on the bed, her hand finding her forehead, trying to rub away the headache that was starting to come on. She knew she should try and sleep some more since she only had about three hours of sleep since yesterday but her mind started to turn on, making sleep impossible. She got up and took some pain medication for her headache and decided to turn on the television. She aimlessly flipped through the channels but nothing grabbed her attention. She finally gave up and tossed the remote on the chair. She was just about to try and get more sleep when there was a knock at the door. She opened the door to Samantha and Hank.
"What are you guys doing here?" she asked as she let them into the hotel room.
"We weren't sure where to go first, here or the hospital, but we decided here. How's he doing?" asked Samantha as she wiped away tears in her eyes.
"Medically he's doing well. They were able to repair the damage he did to his arm. They expect he should fully recover. Mentally and emotionally on the other hand… I… I have never seen him this low. I just don't know what to do…" she said as she held back tears.
"Have you spoken to the doctors? Maybe he needs something done with his medications?" asked Samantha as she sat down next to Angela on the bed.
"They changed them today. He was initially against it but he eventually came around. I hope they start to take effect" she said.
"Let's hope so. Do you think he's up for some more visitors?" asked Hank.
"The more people there to support him, the better. Let me get freshened up and then we can head over there" said Angela as she went to head to the bathroom.
"Angela, no offense… but you look like you've been put through the ringer and back. Why don't you try and rest a bit? We can send Mona and Dad back here and then you can see him before dinner" said Sam.
"I… I can't sleep much these days. I'll come back with you now and then I'll have your dad and I come back early to try and rest some more" she said as headed into the bathroom. All Samantha and Hank could do was give each other a worried look.
"Alright let's head out…" said Angela as she grabbed her purse. Hank drove them all over to the hospital. They were able to head straight into Jonathan's room. Tony and Mona were reading a magazine while Jonathan was watching television.
"Look who's come to visit!" said Angela as Samantha and Hank came through the door.
"Hi dweeb… how are you?" asked Samantha as she came further into the room.
"No longer restrained to the bed so… there's that… otherwise about the same… you guys don't have anything better to do on a weekday?" he asked as he turned off the television.
"We were in the neighborhood and figured we'd stop by…" said Hank with a slight laugh.
"I'm sure…" he said as he looked down at his bandage.
"Would you guys mind if I talked to the dweeb alone for a few minutes?" asked Samantha.
"Sure sweetheart! Let's go find the cafeteria and grab some snacks" said Tony as he led them out of the room, leaving just Samantha and Jonathan alone.
"So are you here to lecture me too? I think I've heard from everyone today…" he said sarcastically.
"No dweeb! Yell at you maybe, not lecture you. What would be the point of a lecture?" she said.
"Just figured you'd be joining the masses…" he said.
"I mean I'm a Micelli by birth so lectures are in my blood… I could probably pull something together and lay it on you if you really want…" she said with a smirk.
"No I think I'll pass!" he said with a slight laugh.
"It's good to see that smile again… I've missed it…" she said.
"Yeah…" he said as his voice trailed off.
"So the real reason I wanted to get you alone is because I've got something to tell you and I need to to promise you're not going to tell anyone… promise?" she asked.
"Who am I going to tell? Frick and frack over here?" he laughed as he pointed to the two aides.
"I'm serious Jonathan! No one alright?" she asked again.
"Alright, alright! I won't tell anyone whatever it is…" he said.
"I'm pregnant…" she said as she watched his eyes get wide, a smile beginning to form on his face.
"Really? That's wonderful Sam! Congratulations! When did you find out?" he asked, genuine excitement in his voice.
"Well I took a test last week but the doctor confirmed it this morning. I'm about six weeks or so. Hank is over the moon excited. So am I but…" she started.
"But what? You should be so excited! You're going to be a great mom!" he said.
"Oh I am! I've wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember! But we are still so young! And… what's Dad going to say? You know how he gets… I'll always be his little girl. Is he going to totally freak out at becoming a grandfather? I'm kinda worried about telling Angela too… and then there's Mona…" said Samantha.
"If the baby calls her great-grandma she will disown all of us! You'll definitely have to think of a different name for him or her to call Grandma! Tony and Mom will be fine! They are going to be over the moon about it- at least eventually. Make sure Tony is sitting down when you tell him and Hank is out of reach!" he laughed.
"Exactly! We decided we want to wait to tell everyone else until we have the first sonogram in a few weeks but I had to tell someone… and I wanted that someone to be you. You're gonna be the best uncle…" she said as she took a hold of his hand.
"Crazy Uncle Jonathan has a ring to it…" he said.
"Annoying Uncle dweeb is a better description! But seriously, you will be a wonderful uncle! Just don't teach him or her how to steal hubcaps off of police cars… and keep your love of reptiles to yourself! Otherwise we will be just fine!" she laughed.
"You'd really want me to be around the baby? After all of this?" he said as he gestured to his arm and the hospital room.
"Why wouldn't I? You're my brother. You're one of the smartest, kindest, funniest, most annoying people I know… I wouldn't want he or she to grow up without you in their lives" she said as she squeezed his hand. He had to wipe away some tears that had fallen.
"Think of all of the things the two of you will get to do! You undoubtedly will be their favorite uncle!" she said.
"I'll be their only uncle!" he laughed.
"Small technicality! Either way… you need to be around and healthy in order to be the favorite uncle, which means you need to figure out a way to start this journey so you can get out of here. It's going to be hard but we are all going to be here for you, every step of the way. You're not alone Jonathan, I promise you that…" she said.
"I'm scared. I don't know if I can do this…" he said as he started to cry.
"Yes you can! You're so much stronger than you have ever given yourself credit for! You can and you will do this but you're going to need help. Try the medication and talk to someone Jonathan…" she said.
"What… what if I can't be fixed and I'm broken forever?" he said through tears.
"Jonathan there's nothing to fix because you're not broken! This… this is no different than when you broke your shoulder in gymnastics. You needed medication and a cast to make sure you healed. Now you need medication and therapy to help your mind and body heal. You're not broken, you just need help that's all…" she said as she wiped away her own tears.
"I don't know…" he said.
"Well I do and so does Angela, Dad, Mona, Hank and your treatment team. You've got it in you to beat this thing but only if you want to…" she said.
"Okay… I'll give it a go…" he said as he squeezed her hand. Just then, the family walked back into the room.
"Everything okay in here?" asked Angela, as she came and sat down next to Samantha.
"Yeah… everything is good…" said Jonathan as he smiled over at Samantha. For the first time since this all started, Angela, Tony and Mona were able to take a sigh of relief, holding onto a sliver of hope things were going to be okay.