Bella's Point of View
The funny thing about life is you can have everything planned out, every detail perfectly in order, but it only takes one thing, one little issue, to completely ruin everything. The issue that has completely ruined my life had a name. Jacob Black. The man I thought I would be spending the rest of my life with. The father of my child. I truly believed that we would have beat the odds. But of course, it didn't work out that way. Jacob was a werewolf, in fact he was an alpha of his pack that resided in La Push. But that wasn't the complicated part. The complication had a name as well. Amelia. The woman Jacob imprinted on.
So begins my downwards spiral into crippling depression. It had been a hard few years. I had sent myself away to live in Forks with Charlie for a while, just to give Rene and Phil some space. They were newly married at the time and wanted to enjoy some alone time, even though neither one of them would have ever asked me to leave. I felt guilty for getting in the middle of their relationship. So, I moved in with my father to finish out my high school years. It had been uneventful for the first year. Just trying to remain a wallflower, quietly blooming out of view of the rest of the world. I did manage to get accepted into a small circle of friends. Few I would miss, as I prepared for my next steps in life.
I was content with my quiet, boring life. Everything was going smoothly, all according to my carefully constructed plans. Then I met Jacob. And all my plans began to slowly crumble into dust. He had charmed me, swept me off my feet, brought excitement and adventure to my dull life. He was absolutely the love of my life. Past tense, was. He wasn't mine anymore. He was Amelia's. Now and forever. And here I was, lying in bed, still a slobbering, heartbroken mess over it. We have been split up for a full year now. But just the thought of him, had me in agony. It was almost embarrassing.
So, tonight I will be saying farewell to Forks. I needed to get out of this area. I needed to get over Jacob Black and move forward with my life. Not only for myself, but for our daughter. I had gotten pregnant with her at the very end of my senior year of high school. She will be turning two years old in the next few months. She deserved a mother that could provide for her. I didn't want her to see me like this anymore. Weak, powerless and depressed. It's not the role model I wanted to be for her. I wanted her to see me be strong, successful and independent. So there were three decisions that I've made. First, I would leave Forks and travel to Dartmouth, a prestigious college that would put me as far from Forks as possible. Second, I would pursue a new career path for myself. I had been interested in teaching in the past, but that wasn't big enough. It didn't feel right anymore. I wanted to dive into a field that would allow me to help people. So, my plans are to become a doctor. And lastly, I was determined to never give Jacob Black another thought. I would be strong. I would move on and work on me. I would become happy, healthy, hell I might even join a gym and start working out. I don't know what it's going to take to get better. But I would find a way to improve myself. One way or the other.
Charlie had driven me and Mia to the airport, he didn't have many words on the drive in, but I could see the emotions brewing under his carefully placed somber expression. Charlie wasn't a person to display emotions, especially in moments like this. But I sensed his gloomy disposition. He wasn't thrilled that I would be moving so far away. All the way to New Hampshire. Hanover was a small town, not as small as Forks, but just as remote.
As he walked me to the front doors of the airport, we paused to exchange an awkward one-armed hug. Charlie and I have grown really close over the past few years. Even more so than I thought possible, I would truly miss him. And I knew Mia would as well. I held Mia on my hip, she had fallen asleep on the drive in. We had an hour until the flight. I was anxious to get inside, but knew I had to wait for him to show up.
Charlie lightly placed our luggage at the curb with a tight look. "I'm assuming you're waiting for Jacob to show up." He cleared his throat.
I struggled not to wince at the sound of his name. It was hard not to react. The pain in my chest has never dulled, even after being split up for a year now. Instead, I forced a weak smile to my face. "He wanted to see Mia one more time, before we left."
"Isn't he going to continue seeing her, every few weeks?" He grumbled, sticking his hands in his pockets. "What arrangement did the two of you agree on?"
"Mia will stay with me for a month, then with him for a month. We will just continue to take turns monthly, until I finish my schooling."
Charlie shook his head with a sigh. "Honestly Bells, I wish you wouldn't have to move so far away. It would be easier on you, if you went to college locally. I'm not sure how this traveling back and forth is going to affect Mia, in the long run." He spoke gently, making a clear attempt not to upset me. "That schooling is for a long time, isn't it? Years, in fact."
I nodded. "About seven," Which was an overwhelming amount of time. I knew that. But I also knew that this was just something that I had to do. It felt right. I was making the right choice. It was going to be hard at first, but this wasn't just for me. This was to give Mia a better life as well. I hoped that one day she would come to understand the sacrifices I had to make, for her sake.
"You mentioned that Rene would be helping you out with Mia?" He continued, scanning over my expression closely. "You're sure she is going to be up for that? I mean, she has a place for you to live… she's working…?"
I'm not sure why Charlie was asking all these questions now. He has known for a few weeks now that I would be making the move to Dartmouth. And he was aware that Rene had recently settled down in a little housing property, just off the campus. It hadn't been her first choice, I'm sure, but this gave her an excuse to leave Florida and get away from her ex-husband.
Rene and Phil ended up divorcing just a month after Mia was born. Rene caught Phil in the midst of an affair and ended things rather quickly. Their divorce was finalized last month. And since they split, Rene has been living on her own. I was worried about her. I felt like she needed me around. I hated to think of her living on her own. She was always helpless. I wasn't even sure if she knew how to keep the budget straight. I didn't know if she had managed to keep the bills up. The last we spoke, she decided to go back into teaching. She is working at an elementary school as a teacher.
On the other hand, Charlie had Sue Clearwater. She moved in recently and they were engaged. They seemed really happy. Sue had her kids around a lot, Leah and Seth. I got along with them relatively well and they really seemed to love Mia. It was a shame that I had to leave, now that the house was beginning to fill with more people and feel more like a family. But I would go where I am needed. And that was with Rene. She didn't deserve to be alone.
"Yeah, honestly dad I think she needs me just as much as I need her. Now that Phil is gone, she needs a bit of a distraction. Having Mia around will be sure to help with that."
Charlie nodded stiffly, rubbing the back of his neck. "If that's really how you feel, I'll accept that. But do me a favor and stay in touch. If you ever want to come back home, you will always be welcome. Just call and I'll be there to come get you."
His words warmed my heart. "Thanks dad, I appreciate that."
Just then I watched as a very familiar truck came barreling in towards us. My heart twisted painfully in my chest. An old faded red truck. The roar of the engine was immediately cut. The rain began to sprinkle above us. I averted my eyes, as I heard the squeak of the door as it was opened and shut. I held my breath, waiting to hear the second door open and almost sighed in relief when I didn't hear it. If I would have had to see Amelia's face today, there is no way I would be able to face him. I wouldn't be able to look him in the eye.
The look on Charlie's face, said it all, contempt and annoyance. He has grown to really detest Jacob. Which has put quite a strain on his relationship with Jacob's father, Billy. I hated that I was the cause for all this. When Jacob had ended things between us, I didn't handle it well. There were still lengths of time that I couldn't recall. I was dead to the world. I truly didn't think I would ever crawl my way out of that sinking depression. I was lucky that I woke up. And decided to fight this. But it didn't make this situation any easier.
I listened to the sound of his footsteps, splashing through the puddles. But I still couldn't look towards him. I heard him pause and suddenly I could feel heat radiating towards me. I shivered at the warmth, desperately wanting to wrap myself up into his arms. Rest completely against him. He was always so warm and light. Like the sun. I've always craved that touch.
Finally, I dared myself to look up, when I did I was surprised to see his eyes casted down to his feet. Pain and guilt clouded his face. That look was enough to wound me even further. How dare he pity me. When it was his fault I was in this state to begin with. He was the reason I was running from my home. And starting my life over somewhere else. If he didn't happen to be the father of my child, I would have left without ever seeing him again.
"Glad you made it Jake," I said softly, blinking back the tears threatening to spill down over my cheeks.
He flinched at my words, his eyes slid up to meet mine. Dark chocolate brown. So tender. So full of life. I could have gotten lost in his gaze. Flashbacks of each kiss rattled through my mind. But I ignored them. Stop fantasizing about the past. He isn't yours. Never again. It was all just a dream. Now, it's over.
"Of course, I wouldn't miss this for the world." He cleared his throat, his eyes now moving to Mia. "Are you sure about this? Don't get me wrong, I think it's great you want to become a doctor. But do you have to do it on the other side of the country?"
Lightly I passed Mia over to him, she continued to sleep, but the moment she was in his arms, she seemed to melt into him. An easy smile came to her face. She loved her dad dearly. I knew this was going to be challenging for her. For everyone involved. Afterall, I loved him too.
"Yeah, it's just what I have to do. But, feel free to keep in touch as much as you want. You can even come and visit as much as you want… I mean if you want to see Mia. And during the months that she is with you, maybe I'll come back to visit as well."
My words seemed to please Charlie and Jacob both. It almost appeared to have set their minds at ease for the moment. This wasn't a permanent goodbye. We wouldn't get to see each other as often, but it's not like they would both be out of my life forever. We would figure a way out to make this work. I had to have faith in my choice here.
Jacob held onto Mia tightly, leaning down to kiss the top of her head. She had his raven dark hair, almost completely black in color, yet she had my fair skin. She was absolutely beautiful. I dreaded the days she would be older. I had a feeling we would have boy trouble with her.
"Well, I completely support your decision." He smiled weakly, although the emotion didn't seem to reach his eyes. The way he looked at me, it was always as if I was some kind of wounded deer. Innocent and soft. Something broken and fragile. I couldn't take seeing that look on his face anymore.
"I'm surprised Amelia isn't with you today, I thought she would have loved seeing me leave." I tried to keep the pettiness of my remark subtle, but it clearly wasn't fooling Jacob or Charlie. My remark shifted the atmosphere between the three of us. Awkwardness and tensions were escalating.
Jacob sighed, ducking his head for a moment. "I didn't want to make this uncomfortable for you. I realize being around her isn't easy for you." His eyes traveled back to mine, a more serious look on his face. "From the bottom of my heart Bella, she may be my imprint, but you still have my heart."
The tears that I had managed to hold back, all came rushing down my cheeks now. I couldn't hold them back any longer, as the pain returned fully. Just as bad as the day Jacob had told me about his imprint. I bit down hard on my lip, nearly to the point of causing my lip to bleed. "Don't. Say. Something like that. To me."
Charlie turned completely away from us, his face beginning to turn different shades, from red, to blue to purple, he looked like he was about to lose his temper. I was surprised when he didn't make a comment. In the past, he would have told Jacob to leave. But he bit his tongue.
Jacob shook his head, moving to wrap an arm around me. He pulled me to his chest. I tried to push him away from me, but my body turned to puddling under his touch. Instead, I clutched onto him, burying my face in his chest as I sobbed quietly. His free hand went to my face, wiping the tears off my cheeks. "Listen to me Bella. I'm not lying to you. I'm not trying to hurt you. But I need you to understand. Before you leave. I've never stopped loving you. This is absolute torture. I wanted it to be you. That I imprinted on. I'm in love with you."
This was something he has repeatedly said in the past. And he always said it with such a serious face. It didn't seem like he was lying. But it just wasn't possible. He was making a mistake. His feelings for me aren't real. Amelia is his imprint. There is no getting around it. We had tried to continue our relationship, but he couldn't. It was too painful for him. He couldn't hurt her. He had to choose her.
"No, it isn't real." I whispered, finally getting the strength to pull away from him. I turned my back. Unable to face him. I knew if I looked into his eyes again, I would just end up crying again. "Amelia is your imprint. You have unbreakable feelings for her. She is the one that has your heart. Not me."
"It is real, Bella. You may not want to see it that way. You may not believe me. That's fine. I understand, this is confusing and uncomfortable. But it is the truth. I do love you." He paused, taking in an unsteady breath. "But I love her too. Just… differently. I can't explain it. I promise I'll eventually be able to make sense of all of this." I could hear the strain in his voice as he spoke.
I didn't want to hear anymore. I didn't want to see him right now. I just wanted to board my plane, start my new life. And never look back. I needed to heal. I needed to become a better version of me. And there was no way I could do that in Forks. There was no hope for me here, to be happy. Not with Jacob around.
"Well, it's been really nice seeing the both of you before I go, but I think we should get in there, before we miss our flight." I said turning back to open my arms for Mia.
Jacob nodded, slowly placing Mia back in my arms. "Alright, I'll keep in touch. And just remind me, closer to when I need to come pick Mia up. It will be around the beginning of next month, right?"
"Yeah, I'll call you and let you know the exact details." I offered him my best smile.
"Call as soon as you land, alright Bells?" Charlie reminded me, as I got Mia situated back on my hip. She continued to sleep soundly. I was slightly worried about taking her on the flight. I wasn't sure how she would do. This would be her first time flying. I wasn't sure if it was going to scare her or not. I was just going to prepare for the worse.
"Alright, I'll see you guys later." I muttered, as I attempted to gather the rest of my luggage. It wouldn't have been so bad, but Mia had a lot of things. Three small bags and I had two suitcases. Not to mention, I was holding her. So this would be tricky.
I could tell by the doubtful looks on both Charlie and Jacob's faces, that they weren't about to let me walk through the airport with all this stuff, by myself. But I was determined. I would leave Forks the same way I had come, with my own strength.
Before they could stop me, I quickly made my way inside and straight into the massive crowds of people. I feared that all the chattering and loud noises of people talking would wake Mia, but thankfully she continued to sleep. It had been a long day; I wasn't surprised that she was exhausted. With all the packing and last-minute errands, she missed her usual nap time after lunch. So she should sleep through most of the flight. My heart was heavy in my chest as I made it through the checkpoints, with each step, I was closer and closer to leaving Forks. It made me nervous. But at the same time, it was exciting. I could reinvent myself in Hanover. I've already changed so much after these few short years.
Mia began to stir as we boarded the plane to New Hampshire. She stayed quietly subdued, but only because she was still sleepy. Once she was fully roused, she would most likely begin fussing. She was, for the most part, a really well-behaved little girl, but she had her moments, when she was put in new situations, that she got a bit fearful. Being away from Jacob would make this even more challenging. He was the only one that truly seemed to know how to make her feel secure in these kinds of situations.
My thoughts floated back to him for a moment. I allowed myself to get distracted. I recalled some of our more intimate moments together. Like our first kiss, the first time we made love, the moment our daughter was born. All those memories were so important to me, yet so incredibly painful. It was a bittersweet torture that I would put myself through often. It was a bad habit that I would need to kick. I needed to clear Jacob from my mind. Although that was easier said than done.
The overnight flight to New Hampshire was long and very uncomfortable. Mia had stayed relatively calm, she wasn't awake for most of the trip. Rene was waiting for us, but I was a little surprised to see her lifeless expression. A dainty smile hung on her thin lips. Her skin was flushed a bit, as if she was ill. Rene had lost a considerable amount of weight since I've seen her last. She was just skin and bones. The divorce had really taken a toll on her.
Still, I kept a smile on my face as I pulled her in for a warm hug. It felt like hugging a skeleton. But I didn't want to do or say anything to upset her. She was fragile. And needed my support. "Hey mom, how are you?"
"I've been worse," She responded as she slowly let go of me. She turned her sights on Mia, a bit of a spark coming to her eyes. She held her arms out. "My sweet Mia, come to gram."
"Gram," Mia repeated with a smile, opening her arms out to her as well. I passed her over to Rene and began moving all our luggage to her car. She just got this new car, from the divorce settlement. It was a spacious SUV, with a sunroof and heated seats. It was sleek and beautiful. But, because it reminded her so much of Phil, Rene has decided to gift this car to me. I would be using this to travel back and forth to school. She bought herself a sedan, for her to use for work. I tried to refuse the car, it was clearly expensive and previously belonged to Phil. It didn't feel right taking it, without paying a dime for it. But Rene was instant.
Rene's mood seemed to brighten more and more as she coddled Mia. She braided her hair and cooed over her cute little clothing she was wearing. It was nice seeing the two of them together. Mia hasn't had much of a chance to get to know Rene, since she's always lived so far away from us. But this would make up for all of that. Rene buckled Mia into her carseat and gave her a little kiss on the head, before heading to help me load the rest of our things in the trunk.
"So, what's the house like?" I asked after we finished getting everything in the back. She took the driver's seat, sheepishly looking around at each of the mirrors, double checking that everything was alright, before she hesitantly pulled out from the airport parking lot.
"Well, it's not really a house… it's more like… an apartment." She admitted with a nervous chuckle. "It's all I could afford at the time. But like I said, it's right within the campus… well, it's probably about a mile walk away from the campus." Rene always exaggerated things a bit. So I really didn't know for sure what I would be walking into.
"So, how many beds, how many bathrooms?"
"Two beds and one bath… Well, there is a half bath too."
Okay, so that didn't sound terrible. Mia would have to share a room with me, but that was acceptable for the time being. I would have to get a job soon. So in the future, when she gets older, we can move into a bigger apartment. She will want her own privacy and space. That would be my first big goal. Get a job and make enough to get a bigger place.
"Are there a lot of others living in the apartment?"
"Oh, there are a few others. Our room is on the very top floor, so most of the time, you don't even notice anyone else around. The noise is pretty minimal." Rene said with a slight shrug to her shoulders. "You will love it Bella, I promise."
"I'm sure I will, anywhere is better than where I was." I muttered quietly.
Mia bobbed her head in the back seat, watching out her window for a while, before turning her big brown eyes in my direction. "Where daddy?"
I swallowed, feeling my mouth go completely dry for a moment. I was dreading this. I didn't want to upset her. I didn't want to see the heartbroken look on her face, when she finds out that her daddy wasn't around and wouldn't be for a long time.
"Daddy isn't here right now, but a little later we can call him, so you can talk to him." I said gently. My heart pinched painfully in my chest at the disappointed look that came to her face. She didn't cry, not yet. But it was getting close. She hadn't been awake to say goodbye. She was used to seeing Jacob every day, or when things got busy with the pack, he at least made time to see her once a week. So, an entire month was going to be difficult for her. And I wasn't sure how much of this she would understand. I couldn't help but feel like an awful mother… selfish…
"We are going to have a lot of fun, don't worry sweetie. Gram is taking you to the zoo this week. Won't that be fun." Rene said looking back at Mia in the rearview mirror with a wide smile.
Mia's eyes brightened and she nodded excitedly. Her sadness seemed to completely melt away. I was thankful that Rene was so good with kids. I guess it helped that she was a kindergarten teacher. It also really worked out that the school was allowing her to bring Mia in, to sit in with her kindergarten class. So, I wouldn't need to hire a babysitter. Mia would be with Rene until I got out of my classes at Dartmouth. It would work out great. We were really fortunate.
It gave me a lot of hope for the future. I just had to get through this initial hassle of this big move. The hardest part was starting, right? So, the hard part is almost over. Things can only get better from here.
Jacob's Point of View
She was gone. Her and my daughter. The world felt colder. It felt like the sun in my sky had sunk down into a valley of permanent darkness. It felt like I was drowning. I hadn't been able to sit still for long. I paced the front porch of my cabin. It sat isolated from the rest of La Push. It was my own private place. When I was embraced in nature, I felt the most comfortable with myself. Even though I was a monster. There were times I wasn't sure if I was an animal, or a man. Why couldn't I be the man Bella needed me to be? Why couldn't it just be her? And if this imprint with Amelia was true, why couldn't I let Isabella Swan leave my thoughts? Why was she the only woman I thought about? Why, when I made love with my imprint, that I only thought of Bella? Why couldn't I send Amelia away? Refuse our imprint and choose the woman that I truly love? What was this power hanging over me? Why couldn't I fight the pull to be close to Amelia? Why was it so strong physically, but emotionally it was an empty connection?
I hoped that Sam would have been able to shed some light on this subject, since he was the only one that I knew that had an imprint as well. But his imprint with Emily, seemed different than mine. Their connection was soul deep, he craved her physically, emotionally, spiritually. He was unconditionally in love with Emily. No one, not even Leah could change that for him.
But, in my case, I felt as though I physically needed to be close to Amelia, I needed to protect her, dominate her, breed with her and care for her. It was a deep, unchanging feeling. I felt it the moment our eyes met. I know I imprinted on her. The love I feel for her… well I call it love, so I don't sound like a perverted asshole… what I felt for her wasn't truly love, it was lust, I couldn't control myself. I needed her body. I needed to make her mine and coat every inch of her body with my scent. But I didn't love her. No. I only loved Bella. She was the woman that held my true affections. I wanted to be with her. But I can't. Not when I can't control these sexual urges I get with Amelia. It wouldn't have been fair of me to stay with her. She deserves someone who can be faithful and strong.
However, I haven't given up on trying to find a way to fix this. There had to be something I could do. I either needed to forget about Bella, or I needed to try rejecting my imprint with Amelia. Being in the position that I'm in right now, was torture. I had to do something. Before Bella finds someone new. I wanted to be with her. I just need to find a way to do this.
This story idea is something that came to me in the middle of the night. I was almost asleep and suddenly this plot came to my mind and I wrote it all down. I'm not sure where this story will take me, but I hope you all enjoyed this first chapter. Let me know what you think so far. Should I continue? Or is this a flop?