A/N: This story has been on my comp since 2019. Yes, I'm not joking. I decided enough is enough, but the ending might have been flimsy because I didn't know how to finish it (which was also the reason it took so long). Forgive me. At least I finished it in time for the decade anniversary of my original Louie Vs. Brittany story which I didn't finish either *sweats*
If you don't feel like reading the original story, I'll just brief you on the OC's from it (who are all Hocotatian):
Crystal: A Hocotatian news reporter who's borderline sociopathic. Has blue afro hair and darker skin. Her "prima donna" portrayal was inspired by Oprah Winfrey.
Brad: Vanilla leader of the trio of Crystal's guards. Serves as "protector".
Lindsay: Dark-haired girl with green clothes and thick-rimmed glasses. Is quiet and gentle, but hides a darker side. Part of the trio and serves as "therapist".
Jeremy: Short, Scottish-accented, red-haired man who likes firearms. Is part of the trio and serves as "offender".
"Guys, I hate this. I HATE THIS." Brittany grumbled.
"Repeat that for another couple hours, why doncha?" Alph spit.
Brittany ignored him and continued: "Gladly! IhatethisIhatethisIhatethisIhatethi…"
"Brittany," Charlie interrupted sternly, "Be quiet or you're fired."
That silenced her, much to Alph's gratefulness. Sometimes Charlie was an excellent boss all things considered.
What Brittany was against would be of no surprise once you knew the whole story behind it… they were in the most inner circles of the capital of Hocotate, and were about to meet with the President. Not only was Brittany intensely prejudiced towards Hocotatians, but she would also be forced to shake hands with the leader of the pack! This was going to forever leave a crack in her Koppaite heart.
Charlie and Alph didn't mind meeting him, 'cuz they weren't racist. In fact, the gluttons they are, they had looked forward to meeting the President, to finally settle their deal. Last month they had found a 24K ring, with a giant ruby on top. It was so huge, it could barely fit in their ship on their way home, but with the help of some ship enhancements, they barely managed it. By barely managed it, I mean they barely had the money to tip the mechanic who had to fix the damages before they got home.
Then Charlie got a lightbulb; they would satiate the Hocotatians' greed for pokos, and in exchange they would have their food supply requirements met. I have no idea why Hocotatians would have so much food and the Koppaites none, but for the sake of this story, let us say it is so.
It was a win-win deal! There was no way he was refusing this offer. Simply no way!
They had waited a few minutes by the street, and were finally met by a limousine pulling up. Charlie's and Alph's eyes lit up, finally upon meeting the country's headmaster. It opened… and out came a guy in a piccolo uniform, who walked up to them.
"Want refreshments for your wait?" He said and held out a trey of Mimosas.
"No thanks", Charlie replied, and the other two shook their heads.
"K", he replied, went back inside the limousine, and drove off.
Now that the limousine was out of view of the street, they could distinguish a fat man lugging himself forth on a bike in their direction, despite the fact that it was a downhill. Once near enough, they saw who it was.
"You gotta be kidding me", Brittany muttered and rolled her eyes.
The President was finally in front of them and stepped off his bicycle. After a few huffs and puffs, or wait… no, not after that.
"Hi*huff*I'm*huff*the*huff*President*huff*…"
Charlie put an arm on his shoulder.
"Slow down brother. We know who you are." He assured.
"That was quite an embarrassing entrance, by the way." Brittany retorted as she received a glare from Alph. She didn't care. There was no bothering with pleasantries towards these vermin. Her words, not mine.
The President faintly blushed.
"Yeah, well, you see… my wife stol- I mean, borrowed the car over the weekend, she was going to the wives-hati- err, loving-their-husbands convention. I had no other mode of transportation. Pardon my delay."
"It's fine. It really is. Some of us just don't have manners." Alph spoke in an indicative tone. Brittany quickly and subtly made the "L" sign at him.
"Now, to business at hand… You got the phone call yesterday. And we have the ring-" Charlie got interrupted by a loud voice in the distance, one that made Brittany stiffen up in terror.
Oh heavens, no.
"PRESIDENT? What if I babysat your kids? Would you then?" The voice asked as it approached his company.
The President turned his head slightly and shouted back in annoyance.
"My kids are adults! I have grandkids now!"
"Kids, grandkids, tomato tomahto potato potahto!" The chaser was now breathing while hunched over, holding a finger up to signal that he needed a moment to catch his breath.
"Louie!" The President yelled, "Leave me alone or you're fired!"
"You can't fire me! I'm an intern! I rule all of you! MUHAHAHAHA!" Louie laughed evilly.
The President had a tear escape the corner of his eye. With his lips, he mimed "help me".
Brittany desperately hid behind Alph, so not to gain attention from Louie. At first it worked, as he was too busy basking in his own immortality.
"What's the deal here?" Charlie asked, confused by the display.
"None! The only deal is the one we're making! So, about that ring…!" The President desperately avoided the question.
"Oh, right! We have it right here! Drumroll please!" Alph made an imaginary drumroll as Brittany pulled the cover of the ring that had been used to hide it, and thus sparkled a ray stronger than any sunshine.
At the sight of pure gold in its wake, a sip of drool began to hang from the President's lip as his pupils were enlarged. For a moment Louie forgot his proposition, and did the same.
"HOMINAH HOMINAH HOMINAH HOMINAH HOMINAH…" They both spoke in a trance.
"Soo… whatcha think?" Charlie smirked, happy to see the look of appreciation on their faces.
"With that I can pay all my gambl- err, debts of the (once again) lost pik pik carrots." The President mumbled.
Louie made a thug lyfe pose upon hearing that, but then returned to being awed.
"YOU HAVE A DEAL, PARDNER!" The President suddenly got hysterical as he almost scared Charlie by grabbing his hand and shaking it violently. "You can have all the food you want! We can't go be disappointed about losing a beauty like this!"
"Alright!" Alph approved as he made thumbs up with his hands. Unfortunately, when he did that, Brittany wasn't as hidden no more, and though she tried, she couldn't hide from Louie this time seeing her. His reaction wasn't mutual, however, but he still bore a smug smile on his face.
"Heya, Tootsie Pop. Fancy seeing you here."
"Shut the hell up. I don't want to talk to you." She hissed at him like an angry cat.
"Funny thing, because you are." His grin got broader.
"Now I remember why I wanted to eat your heart so badly." She snorted, remaining behind poor Alph, who wasn't in the mood for their feud.
"Joke's on you. A perfect golden heart like mine must be delicious. Who can resist the temptation?"
"Why, you-" Brittany had enough of being a coward and was about to claw his eyes out but was held back by an apathetic Alph who rolled his eyes. 'I still have my bubble bath and a John Keats book tonight…' was his calming thinking ritual to himself.
"Keep your little lovers' quarrel out of this! We're making professional business here!" Charlie scolded the both of them, then returned to talking to the President. "You're literally, like, the best. This is like literally the best thing ever."
They talked for a bit longer, until they reached the next problem; how they would bring the ring back to the President's office. The cart it was being carried on wasn't part of the deal, which proves that not only Hocotatians are stingy jerks.
"Oh! Oh!" Louise jumped up and down like a kid on sugar, his arm held high up in the air. "I'll carry it! I'll carry it!"
"There's a catch to this, right?" The President said tiredly.
"Will you give me a raise if I carry it?" Louie asked, glittering eyes like an innocent puppy.
"If it makes you leave me alone forever, then fine."
"YAY!"
"Just sign this contract." The President spoke as he held up a sheet of paper.
"K!" Louise was a dumbass so he signed it without looking… I guess we're all dumbasses then. "What did I just sign?" He said instead of having looked at what he was getting into, 'cause like I said, he's a dumbass.
"That I will never see your ugly mug again, or I'll sue you for money the same value as this ring." The President spoke coldly as he pointed at the treasure. Louie swallowed thickly in a nervous manner.
Hocotatian lawyers are BANSHEES. You thought human lawyers were bad? I dare not speak of the evil that can come out of a Hocotatian lawyer's mouth. So let's leave that horror to your paranoid imagination.
Louie had managed so far to avoid looking in the President's direction, which was easy as the ring he carried would block his view. Louie gripped it and carried it with intense effort. To say it was heavy would be an understatement. He felt like his arms would give away, and the muscles straining was killing him. But then he remembered his salary raise… and adrenaline made him carry it with his pinky.
"Look! One hand!" Louie bragged. Everyone rolled their eyes so hard they almost started hanging from their eye sockets. As he did this, however, he fell sideways, and his lousy maneuver made him land on one knee, stretching his hand upwards so the ring wouldn't fall and break.
"Phew! That was a close one!" Louie sighed in relief.
"Hey, what the heck are you doing?!" Brittany's annoying voice suddenly yelled. Louie looked up at said person and his eyes widened to the size of saucers.
He was standing on one knee. Arms holding up the ring. At Brittany. Put two and two together… that makes six right?
Louie was just about to stand up and explain to her she was as attractive as a walrus to clear misunderstandings… but out of nowhere a crowd with cameras, mics and notepads gathered around the two.
Suddenly a reporter came in speaking in a loud, brash voice. It was obviously none other than Crystal Clearing. Flashing cameras everywhere, and this could look like a presidential campaign.
"We are randomly gathered here in Hocotate to witness the very first proposal made by a Hocotatian to a racist Koppaite, which is news-worthy because normally racism drives people away and doesn't motivate them to propose. This is proof that love conquers all!"
Crystal held out the mic to Louie.
"Mr… what's the name?"
"Err… Louie." He answered, deciding for now to roll with the punches.
"Mr. Louie, what kind of trauma did you experience as a kid that would culminate in you proposing to a racist, rude piece of work?"
"Hey!" Brittany yelled in the background, being held back, as per usual, by Alph and Charlie.
Louie flickered his gaze before his honesty spoke for itself.
"No no, this is no-"
"Of course", Crystal spoke passive-aggressively, taking back the mic to herself, "if this turns out to be some kind of mistake and you just fell over because you're the biggest dumbass who just made a fool of himself on TV in front of millions of people, then we could of course sue you for spreading fake news and you would be the laughingstock for centuries and your kids will become monkeys by default. Because mistakes affect genetics and we would sue for 50000 pokos, how's that sound?"
She held the mic back to Louie so he could answer the question.
"… what I meant was, no, I had no trauma as a kid! Looking beyond her racism, she's a beautiful woman and I love her just the way she is! And… I would like to spend the rest of my life with her." It took every ounce of his willpower not to throw up on the ground while saying that.
"WHAT?!" Brittany yelled, but luckily, Crystal had a mic, and spoke over her expletive so it wasn't heard on air.
"You heard him, folks! Love is in the air between two species who were thought to be incredibly antagonistic towards each other. This is truly a touching story that we're definitely not exploiting for publicity because nothing interesting ever happens in Hocotate Freight! Will this lovely couple have a fantastic wedding? Will they love each other until death do them part? And most importantly, will your beautiful, good-looking, smart host, Crystal Clearing, be the maid of honor for this wedding? Stay tuned for an update next week! This is Crystal Clearing for Hoco TV, back to you, Horace! You swine."
Quickly, the crowd dispersed, making the scenery once again peaceful and quiet.
Left stood Alph, Charlie and the President with their jaws reaching the ground, as Louie just had a hundred yard stare in a random direction. Also, there was a fuming, ballistic Brittany on the verge of exploding. The little that was left of her tranquility made her walk up to Louie and speak in a low, eerie tone.
"If you think I'm gonna marry your soddy ass, then first there's gotta be immortality."
"Relax, Tootsie Pop", always the laid-back type of guy, Louie just calmly, although degradingly, patted her head. "I just saved you from lawsuit. I expected more gratitude."
She snapped.
"I don't care! I would rather pay a million pokos than marry you! You Hocotatians always think of money. I bet next your noses are gonna get larger and you'll have a weird accent!"
"You just described my uncle." Louie shrugged. "Calm down, toots. We'll think of something."
"I'm not thinking of anything! You got me into this mess! You better think of what to do soon, or I swear I'm gonna murder you!" Brittany practically screamed, her face all red.
"Damn, you need a hug or something?" Louie stared at her with surprising, wide eyes.
At his sass, Brittany practically roared nonsense, and all she had from going all out on Louie was her companions holding her back, which was a force of habit by now.
'Bubble bath, John Keats, bubble bath, John Keats…' Alph repeated to himself. It was the only thing retaining his sanity.
As the Koppaite group led her away, and her voice drowning out as they got further, President walked up to Louie in bewilderment.
"Louie, are you really going to marry her? I mean…" He gestured with his hand in the direction the Koppaites went off to. It was self-explanatory. Also, for some reason he'd forgotten their contract deal.
"Of course not. You think I'm gonna put up with a nag hag for the rest of my life? I'm going to find some way to call the wedding off."
"Can't you just call the press and tell them you changed your mind? It's not lying if you tell them you had a change of heart." President suggested.
"Either way, I think Crystal would kill me, as I'll ruin her report on our story if I did. Besides, you want to read what kind of mishaps me and Brittany will get into in this fanfiction or not?"
"Err… what?" President stared at him.
"Don't worry", Louie patted a still puzzled President, before turning forward as he held his arm around the President's shoulder. "From now on, there will be no rest until I figure out how to fix all this! This will go down as the most epic wedding call off in history or my name isn't Louie-"
Cut to three months later at his own wedding reception among thousands of guests as he was holding a glass of champagne.
"-what's-is-surname." His eyes were wide, pupils shrunk and teabags hanging under his eyes. Damn, damn, damn. Why couldn't I think of anything?! My mind's been completely blank for three months! I've had to use Alph as some kind of physical restraining order on Brittany, especially now. On top of that, my room is littered with crumbled paper from trying to think of anything, and the bulborb-salmon they serve here taste like an ass's ass! Not that that's disgusting or anything, but still, I wanted it to taste like it's presented! Could it get any worse? No wait, I shouldn't jinx it… yes, it can!
"Hello, there, Mr. What's-Is-Surname!" Rumbled a baritone addressed to him. Louie's heart skipped two beats, and he knew exactly who it was.
Oh shit. I haven't met this guy at all. Brittany had refused me the opportunity. I bet he hates my guts.
He reluctantly turned around and forced a wide smile.
"Why, hi, Brittany's…father?" Right after saying that he wanted to slap himself. Great, now you prolly offended him. But it's not my fault! Yes it is. It's not! Which garnish is the best? Pasta! No, potato! For the last time, pasta! Thinking about food usually calmed Louie, thus his course of action now.
Louie got surprised at hearing a deep, jolly laugh from the guy.
"Fair enough, my daughter refused to let me meet you. It's only natural you don't know my name." With a smile, the older man gripped Louie's hand and shook it. "Name's Gordon. This is quite a party, isn't it? We have lots to talk about." He said as he dragged away his (not)-future-son-in-law by holding an arm around his shoulder.
"Yeah, well, sir-"
"No need for formalities, son. Just call me Gordon. Or Gordy, if you so prefer. Let's grab a table and chitchat." The man radiated of friendliness, kindness and goodness all around. You can tell by just looking at him he bore absolutely no resemblance to his daughter personality-wise. That's when Louie got a sudden lightbulb.
Hey, yeah! If I get this guy to hate me, he won't approve of me marrying Brittany, so he'll call off the wedding and Crystal can't blame it on me! What an excellent idea!
So Louie returned the sentiment and also held Gordon around the shoulder, giving off a subtly sinister grin.
"Yeah, let's."
"There! All done", said Lindsay as she made the final touches on Brittany's hair bun. Brittany was wearing a simple cocktail dress, but every ounce of her will stopped her from ripping it off in a rampage. Instead she grumbled to herself.
"Don't worry, this will do until your wedding dress. It's not bad luck for the groom to see you in a normal dress-"
"Oh, shut the hell up." Resounded Brittany's demonic voice through her gritted teeth. Although still angry about the mess they were in, she had had time to reflect about it and had calmed down considerably to view it outside the box. Everything was definitely Louie's fault and not hers, but she was aware he was just as unwilling to marry as she was. Besides, Louie was an idiot, so she knew she had to help him hatch a plan to cancel the ceremony. It was teeth-clenched teamwork, but it was preferable to the alternate outcome.
But now her anger had returned full force. Three months? Seriously? He couldn't think of anything for three fricking months? Had his brain drilled a hole in his skull and escaped?
Out of the blue, Crystal barged into the room, making dance twirls in her fabulous, purple poncho.
"This is the best day of my life! This gig is gonna make me rich!" She waved her bridesmaid bouquet about.
"Calm down there, dollface." The Koppaite spoke with barely strained fury. "It ain't gonna happen. This wedding ain't gonna happen. Keep dreaming."
"The legislation is behind me on this, cutie. Cancel the wedding, and I'm suing you. I won't let you ruin this publicity because of your meek feelings!" Crystal gave a sinister, creepy smile. Hocotatian and journalist? What a nightmarish combo!
"… Crystal, I hate to say this, but this is low even for you." Lindsay inquired, subtly taking a stance against her plan.
"Why, thank you, Lindsay! It takes nothing, really. Sometimes, you just have to do whatever you can for your daily bread. It's my motto in life!"
"… Including drug dealing and prostitution, probably." Brittany mumbled bitterly to herself.
"Anyway!" Crystal ignored that sentiment, "Olimar told me you're needed in room nr. 5. For something. I don't know. Prolly to primp his bow tie or somethin'."
"NO WAY I'm going there!" Brittany instantly protested. "Louie is in the main hall. That's just 5 doors away! I told you I'm not going within 10 ft of that asshole!"
"Feet shmeet. It's not the same room. Just go do it alright? You won't do any good sulking in here all by yourself."
"I can come with you." Lindsay offered, placing a hand on her shoulder. That calming fact made Brittany just barely agree to the proposition. Although she'd never admit it, Lindsay was one of the few Hocotatians she had a small shred of respect for, and pretty much the only Hocotatian who could ever persuade her into something.
"…Ugh! Ok, fine! But if I see Louie's ugly mug even once I'm outta here!" Brittany resounded in expiration as she bolted to the door, Lindsay following in tow.
"You can't keep avoiding him forever, y'know." Crystal insinuated.
"What's that?" Brittany spoke in a mocking tone, a hand to her ear. "Did I hear a dog take a shit?"
"How'd you know?!" They heard an embarrassed voice. Turning to the sound, they saw Alph out in the hall cleaning up dog waste on the floor. He shook his head and grumbled. "I don't get paid enough for this shit. Literally."
Upon arriving at their destination, Olimar stood by the wall, wearing a tuxedo and his hair done with cheap hair gel. Along with that, his demeanor seemed as wary as his gaze flickered about, as though worried he was going to get caught. Once he noticed Brittany and Lindsay, he discreetly motioned for them to get closer, of which they obeyed.
"What's the matter with you?" Brittany acknowledged his strange mannerisms.
"There's no time to explain, just follow me, alright?" His instruction came out quickly as the next thing he did was dart to the back of the room. Puzzled, the two girls followed suit. A door obscured by a bookshelf was revealed when Olimar clicked a button neither of the other two could see, and next thing they knew they were making their way down a flight of stairs.
A floor down, and it was pitch dark. Brittany opened her mouth.
"Enough! What's going-"
"Shh!" Demanded an unidentified person, and suddenly, the room was lit by a light bulb from the rather low ceiling. Brad, being tall, could just barely fit. That's when Brittany realized he was the one who shushed her.
"We don't have much time", Olimar ushered as he pulled out a hidden chest from under a shelf. Brittany had it.
"That's it! I'm not obeying another thing you Hocotatian assholes say until you tell me what the hell is going on!"
"We want to help you." It wasn't what was said, but rather who said it that shocked Brittany. It came from Lindsay. Brittany turned to her and blinked curiously.
"Help me? Help me with what?"
"To cancel the wedding." Olimar clarified. Brittany shot them all looks of disbelief, which Brad took note of and made further clarifications.
"I know, it sounds weird, but hear us out." Brad made extra sure no one was eavesdropping as he looked through the cracks of each door in the room.
"Me, Lindsay and Jeremy have noticed something… strange about Crystal."
"Really? She seems like the same old bitch to me." Brittany grumped.
"That's what you say, because you don't know her as well as we do." Lindsay spoke, walking forth facing away from the group but still loud enough to be heard. "We all freely admit that Crystal is, indeed, a nasty piece of work to deal with. We all have received our share of insults coming from her mouth. But there are things about her that we, her staff, have always admired about her."
"Which is?" Putting her hands to her hips, Brittany didn't sound convinced one bit.
"She can negotiate and be a businesswoman like there's no tomorrow." Brad filled in. "Say what you want about her attitude, but she damn well sure knows how to handle a situation when a TV client says no. She was born to be in the reporting business. You can tell by her lack of empathy she has been immune to threats for a long time, and no one can even begin to try to walk her over, because it will be dished right back tenfold. She has climbed the career ladder and truly knows how to be a cold, stone-hearted boss."
"But you," Brad continued, "You were a challenge. You're actually the first person who has ever stood up to her. At first she found it amusing and exciting; heck, she even thought of you as a worthy opponent. Someone she could jaw back and forth with."
Although still unconvinced, Brittany raised her eyebrows and averted her eyes, pondering what was said to her.
"However, it didn't take long until it took its toll on her." Lindsay turned around, giving Brittany a serious look. "She was questioning herself, her capabilities. Suddenly she was getting angry at the mere mention of your name. 'It's bothering my work ethic' she claimed. That's when she started getting carried away. Now she was obsessed with surpassing you, to beat you. At the first chance she could exact her bias-perceived justice on you, there was no wasting time. She was very deliberate on putting you in your place when she caught Louie on his knees in front of you. She wanted that power again; to be in control of everyone, like it used to be. But you being there, your existence, wouldn't allow her closure. Her appearing was far from a coincidence."
"Wait, you mean…?" Brittany swallowed, horrified at the implications of their story. "She has… stalked me?"
"You could say that. Or, a variation thereof. But she only whipped out the cameramen when an opportunity came to. Trust us, we tried to stop her, even book her a counselor. But she wouldn't listen. All she could ever think about was you, how she would break you, and even so far as think you were the embodiment of some kind of conspiracy to lower her status, her confidence. And two things she very much knew about you, and everyone else would instantly know upon meeting you for the first time, is that you hate two things most in this world; Hocotatians, and Louie."
"Crystal has always been quite a diva", Lindsay added, "Always been, mildly put, arrogant and self-absorbed. But it took a real turnaround ever since she met you. As insufferable as she was before, it's much more preferable to the green-eyed monster she is now."
Brittany took a steady breath, stabilizing herself on the wall.
"I'm at loss of words. I had no idea."
"Trust me, it took us three months to figure this out. And we've known Crystal for years." Brad admitted as a blush painted him. "We're not exactly observant."
"I hear you." Brittany didn't spare her insult. She looked at the chest Olimar was handling and nodded in his direction. "What's in that chest?"
"Oh, this?" Olimar opened it to reveal its contents. "Donuts and tea!"
"What? I thought it was going to be something relevant to this meeting!"
"Yeah, we haven't gotten that far yet." Brad scratched his head sheepishly, which followed with him tugging a cover from a blackboard. It said: "Step 1: Tell Brittany about our intentions. Step 2: ? Step 3: PROFIT!... Probably."
"Urghh. You guys are unbelievable." The Koppaite sighed.
"Hey! At least we, and even frickin' Louie, tried to come up with a plan to call off this wedding, while you just sat on your ass crying and complaining doing sod all." Olimar lipped back at her, having had enough of her audacity.
Everyone expected Brittany to go off on Olimar for his words, but all she did was give him a sideways glare, inspecting him silently.
"… If I'm so annoying, why do you want to help me?"
"I'm not helping you, I'm helping Louie."
After which everyone in the room gave him a curious gaze.
"What? Does everyone in this story only help for selfish reasons? I want to help because no matter how annoying he is, he's my bro, through thick and thin. He's the cool uncle to my kids, and they love him. It wouldn't feel right to ignore him when he needs me the most. He's my friend."
"Help, I'm catching diabetes!" Brittany snarked as she faked getting choked to death. "No, but seriously, could I be the bridesmaid at your wedding?" She teased.
"Ha, ha. I geddit cuz it sounds gay. You're so original and hilarious. I'm splitting my sides. Freud would be proud." Olimar replied monotonously.
"Enough fighting. Let's stop wasting time and come up with a plan." Interrupted Lindsay, while pouring tea in cups for everyone involved.
"The best way would probably be to piss Brittany's dad off," Brad began, "If the wedding objection comes from a different source than Louie and Brittany, then Crystal can't sue you. Once she's at her weakest, BAM! We intervene."
"Well, I'm just gonna leave that part to you." Brittany spoke with disdain, with Olimar following suit about his addition to the idea.
"Since you're his daughter, you must know your dad. What ticks him off?"
"Yeah, good luck with that notion." The Koppaite bridled at the idea, to everyone's confusion.
"So yeah, I also like to donate money to the Stazi Party of Hocotate. They promise to evacuate everyone different from our culture and send them off to slavery camps. Serves them right for existing, know what I'm sayin'?" Louie slurred, having drunk more than enough of Schnapps. Actually, it was just half a tiny glass, but it's more than enough for his standard.
"What an amazing contribution to your society! Of course I don't agree with the cause itself but hey, to each their own, right?" Gordon gave a bright smile, one that would make the sun green with envy. "That you're doing something alone to affect the world is great!"
"Also, they're gonna rape 'n abuse the slaves till their limbs are mangled enough that amputation will be necessary for their survival, but mostly for their usefulness in our sweatshops." Louie continued.
"Trauma builds character, doesn't it? I gotta say, you come up with some remarkable ideas, son!"
"In fact, I hope to run for president myself one day in order to make these political agendas come true. I will create a regime where everyone will sing anthems in my name every morning 5:00 sharp otherwise they will be beheaded and robbed for treason. In fact, if everything isn't followed step by step in the new Constitution of Louie, they will be threatened with death." Louie smirked, hoping to get the desired effect from the awful things coming out of his mouth.
"You sure know your politics, son. I'm so unbelievably proud of you and your draconian ambitions. You will make the perfect husband for my daughter!" Gordon took Louie's hand and shook it eagerly. Afterwards, he rose from his chair to get some more punch. Louie yelled out.
"WAIT! Err… did you know the camps will have speakers playing songs by 'Panic! At the Disco' all day, every day?" Louie added with a sheepish grimace.
"No way! I love 'Panic! At the Disco'! If I ever had any skepticisms about you whatsoever they're pretty much evaporated from existence by now. I'm looking forward to having you as my son-in-law!" Gordon winked and left.
Louie stood up so quickly the chair he sat on fell over, alerting nearby guests. After giving a quick, apologetic smile for the disruption, he ran to the bathroom. He turned on the faucet and splashed ice cold water in his face.
This guy is unbelievable! Completely and utterly insane! Any normal Hoco being would turn a heel and walk out the door as soon as I mentioned 'Panic! At the Disco'!
He looked up from the sink, seeing his tired reflection staring back at him, panic-struck and almost traumatized from the things he had forced himself to say in order to anger Gordon.
Okay, Louie, relax. You'll find a way to break him. You'll find a way to get him angry enough to cancel the wedding. Now, what could make a camp-ruling, mortality-threatening dictator worse?
Shortly afterwards, Louie returned to his seat, awaiting Gordon's return. Once he did, he burst out into a light fit of chuckles as he sat down.
"It's the funniest thing, Louie. I thought of some ideas to pinpoint you in the right direction of this type of business, as I have an experience or two in this department. How about-"
"Actually," Louie interrupted politely, "I was thinking of a law that would force every citizen to constantly live in a Game of Thrones script. Like, that would be the only law. And they would follow it while working in the camps and sweatshops. And while they eat. And sleep. And breathe. And don't breathe."
"Uh-huh, uh-huh." Gordon nodded. That's when Louie realized, to his horror, that Gordon was taking notes on a notepad.
I wonder who the cheapest therapist in Hocotate is? Louie pondered, sweating bullets. Just then, his phone beeped. Checking it, he saw that he'd received a text message.
"Men's bathroom, floor 3, pronto. Need to talk. Syl" – Olimar
Although Louie wasn't superstitious, he felt as if something unknown had saved him from his current predicament. He wasn't a very talkative person, but at least he knew Olimar, and at least he was his friend, and at least, last but not least, he was sane. At least.
Louie excused himself rudely by running off immediately, but he dared to gamble since Gordon was unbearably nice. Before long he reached his destination and pushed the door open to the Gentlemen's Restroom. To his puzzlement, the room was completely empty. He walked to the center of it, scratching his head (and adjusting his bow tie in the mirror). Louie assumed Olimar was probably late, having not been too figurative with "pronto". Whatever, any breaks, no matter how small, from all this madness were blessings to him.
Just a short while after his arrival, he suddenly heard a door slam, and a subsequent movement which sounded like a door locking. Then a high-pitched voice of which belonged to someone he knew should not be in the Gentlemen's Restroom.
"Wha-? What is this? Why are you locking the door?! Open up right now!" Fists boomed on the door, more aggressively every other time.
Louie turned. Because the stalls were obscuring the view of the entrance, and even though he had a faint idea of who it was, he neared the source still.
Brittany was wearing a maroon colored dress, so it still took a while for him to confirm it was her. He hadn't seen her at all since they'd broadcasted their proposal on TV. That sounded pretty messed up now that he thought about it. But she'd been persistent to keep away, and honestly, he'd been relieved himself, not wanting to have anything to do with her constant whining until he'd hatched a call-off plan.
She'd yet to notice him, and he knew she'd explode like a grenade if she saw him, so he remained discreet. He even considered hiding in one of the stalls until she was let out. Assuming that would happen, of course, the reason of which he was curious to know.
His thoughts were disturbed by a much gentler voice from outside.
"Brittany, look around."
So she did, and upon her eyes landing on her husband-not-to-be, who gave her an awkward look back, he was sure she would almost literally explode. However, not like a grenade, but like an atom bomb. She was once again at the door, striking it more furiously and intensely than before. He swore that if her actions had been a video game, she would've hogged the high score like no one's business.
"LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT NOW! YOU CRUEL PEOPLE! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!"
"Sorry, Brittany, but this part of our plan is vital. Make truce with Louie, now." Lindsay's explanation came.
"YOU SAID YOU DIDN'T HAVE A PLAN! YOU MONSTERS!"
"Well, obviously we lied! Otherwise you wouldn't have agreed to this step. You're locked inside until you become civil with each other. And don't try to bullshit us and say you've made up just to get out; we have cameras and microphones to spy on you, to ensure your honesty." Olimar explained.
"Hey, don't drag me into this. I couldn't care less about her. It's Brittany who's got a problem with me-" Louie piped in, and then a wallop was bestowed him as a wedding gift from Brittany.
"YOU SHUT UP!" The Koppaite hissed at him, prior to returning her attention to the ones responsible.
"OR I COULD JUST BREAK DOWN THE DOOR IN YOUR FACE!"
"Oh, we've considered that." Amidst her anger, she recognized it as Brad's voice, "This door is specifically Brittany-proof, specially ordered from IKEA™, just 99 Poko-"
"Why is that important?" Olimar asked irritably.
"Oh, right. Sorry." It was easy to envision the slap on Brad's own forehead, "It was not from IKEA™. It's was from Doors-R-Us™."
"I'LL KILL YOU ALL!" If there were a She-Devil, it was very obviously in the form of Brittany, further set in stone as she resumed banging and kicking the door as inhumane roars managed to flare up from deep within her gut.
"Will this even work?" Brad asked, "It feels like she'll just keep on kickin' 'n' screamin' until her body gives out."
"Don't worry, I slipped a little chill pill into her tea. It'll be in effect in 5 minutes." Lindsay avowed.
"Oh, that's a real thing? I thought it was just a figure of speech." Said Brad.
"Well, now it's a thing." She answered as an eerie shadow befell over her face. Brad and Olimar slowly backed away from her.
True enough, as Lindsay had explained, the commotion gradually stopped. When it was completely silent, they gave one last instruction.
"We'll observe you on the monitor installed in the next room. So no funny business; we want to see you on friendly terms, not doing things that would make a rapper blush."
"Oh, you're so grown up!" They could practically hear the blush in her lowering voice, entering minor.
The Hocotatian group decided to end on that note, and thus left.
Turning around, the Koppaite only managed a light scowl as Louie entered her vision, who gazed back awkwardly. They stood like that for several minutes, not moving an inch.
"So…"
"So…"
Now that hostility had been forced to be set aside for this purpose (and also to be reckoned with), there was surprisingly little to actually talk about. It's as though without their shared spark of animosity (although more from Brittany's side), they were practically strangers. Thinking of it, Brittany actually had no idea what Louie's last name was, and Louie had no idea what her favorite food was; and believe you me, Louie would instantly know someone's favorite dish just by looking at them for the first time. Brittany had let fury become such an integral part of their chemistry, their communication. It was impossible to decipher anything else from her sort of aura.
Now it had been forced away by their comrades, and the results coming in were… different, to say the least. Eventually, Louie was first to speak.
"I understand now."
Brittany got curious, her eyes shifting nervously.
"I mean, if I had a dad like yours, I'd end up like you, too."
"You talked to my dad?!" She tried, like anything else said to the Hocotatian, to sound angry, but the chill pill was in full effect. Only surprise was left in her voice.
"Yeah, I did. Jolly ol' guy, that fellow." Louie let out an awkward snicker as he put a hand to his head. "I couldn't talk to him for 5 minutes until I had a headache. Just imagining living with such unbearable tolerance your whole life is beyond me. I wouldn't have made it as far as you did."
Brittany raised an eyebrow. In the midst of his semi-attempted insult, was he…
…complimenting me?
"I don't blame you for your bigotry. But that alone doesn't explain why you hate me so much in particular."
The Koppaite scratched her arm, fiddling with the fabric of her dress. Then, a growl.
"So you think you're a special snowflake or something? Give me a break. You're overthinking it."
"I don't think I am. You tolerated every other Hocotatian, but refused to even see me. I'd say that's singling out." His reply caught Brittany off guard, looking up to stare like an idiot at the Hocotatian. She wouldn't ever admit in consciously, but he'd piqued her interest in what he was about to argue.
"Let's just break the ice once and for all. We aren't given a choice here, are we? They locked us in."
"Please, stop…" One weak protest, one step back, Brittany's stomach was swirling with unease, not familiar with Louie's non-bullshitting attitude.
"I'm only asking a simple question: why do you hate me so much?"
"Because I respect you, okay?! There, I answered! Are you happy now?" Brittany threw her hands up in the air, a clear sign of a white flag in gestural form. As it just slipped out, her face shifted in different, red shades, forcing her to stare at the floor.
Hearing no response from Louie, she urged to just keep going. If they were going to get out of here, she had to obey them, just like Louie had persisted.
"It's true. All my life living with my dad's annoying positivity made me rebel. Everything he preached, I wanted to do the opposite. I was tired of all his nonsense day in and day out. No, dad, life isn't perpetual peace! Sometimes it's dark, sad and awful. I'm being extreme, I admit. But it's to get it through his thick skull that it's okay to be intolerant sometimes. Obviously, he wasn't getting it when I was just murmuring under my breath about it, so I had to be more… plain and LOUD in my message.
"Eventually, I started to believe the things I said. I was beginning to convince myself Hocotatians were scum of the Earth, and this feeling grew so intense because, my dad would speak his praises of Hocotatians. There was nothing he loved more than them. He's a shameless Hoceaboo, and he wouldn't shut up about it. He even fell in love with and married one."
Louie gave a start. "Wait. You mean...?"
"It's about time the cat's out of the bag. Yes, I am half-Hocotatian."
She paused so it could sink in for Louie before continuing.
"The Hocotatian genes are recessive, so they're not as prevalent as the Koppaite genes. That's why it's unnoticeable in my physical appearance. I could pass off as a regular Koppaite, and that's the way I wanted it."
"B-but what about your mom…?" Uncharacteristically, the full-blooded Hocotatian was now very curious.
"She died giving birth to me. I had no idea about my Hocotatian origins until I was a teenager, of which dad told me."
"I'm sorry…"
"Don't be. It's not like I know what I'm missing."
Brittany chuckled bitterly while she shook her head.
"My dad loves me whole-heartedly and I love him. But he's also annoying as heck, which you know by now. That's the real reason I didn't want you to meet him."
Wait… what?
"You didn't want me to meet him?" Louise sounded shocked. All Brittany did was nodding in response, confirming this revelation of his.
"I was afraid he'd embarrass me… in front of you guys." Once again, she couldn't hinder a blush.
Now Louie was grinning, but held back his teasing, knowing it wasn't the time and place for it. After all, she was opening her heart to him.
Opening her heart to him. Wasn't that the most surrealistic sentence you'd ever heard?
"But, you know… it's also because I… admire you, to some degree." She already had the honesty-engine up and running, there was no use turning it off now.
"But… why?" Louie really couldn't believe such a claim, an opinion of which he delivered flawlessly through his tune. "I'm nobody."
"Yes, you are. You were the one to cook the best dish I've ever tasted."
Louie couldn't believe what he was hearing.
"Are you mocking me?" His voice was laced with suspicion.
"No, I'm not! I really did love it. But I didn't want to admit it… because I hated your guts. I didn't want to give you the satisfaction of being right… especially since you are a Hocotatian, and it was shattering my deeply rooted worldview that you made something I liked. Ever since, I've tried to find ways to make the dish much better; experimenting with dire results, renting every cookbook at the library… but no matter what, I just couldn't match the final result. It made me so anxious and angry that I didn't even want to see your face. It reminded me that I was such a failure…"
Her voice cracked slightly, hurrying her hands to her face so they could wipe away any tears before Louie could see them. Then, she remembered that despite the effect of the pill, she was very much still upset with him, which prompted her to have some fire churn up again.
Dammit, I started crying…in front of this idiot… could this day get any worse?...
"I hope you're happy. You're never gonna let me live this down, are you? Making my life a living hell… at least more than it already is…" Tears rebelled by streaming down her cheeks, wettening them and ruining her mascara.
For a long time it was quiet, only the sounds of Brittany's sobs filling the room.
Then a soft sound, disbelief intermingled with it in a queer mix.
"That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me."
Brittany choked, her gaze fixed on Louie to see if he was in any way mischievous, like she had expected. Instead, he looked genuinely… flattered?
"You're not the only one with secrets, y'know."
His smile slowly turned bittersweet.
"My uncle always told me I would never amount to anything. That I was a failure of a chef and as a person, and the only way I could be independent was if I became a hobo. Even when I set out to prove him wrong by becoming a delivery man of sorts, I always second-guessed myself. What if I was making a mistake? What if I chose the wrong path? What if he was right? It went on. I feel much better today, but it's still a predicament I struggle with. Therapy helped me a lot, as it made me realize he was emotionally abusive and I shouldn't take whatever he said at face value. Still, deep down, some part of me still believes him. I never expect nice things to be said about me, so I laugh it off as a coping mechanism."
Brittany was in awe at his surprisingly well-worded confession. It's as though he was hiding behind a punchable façade. One of his laughs came out in a somber chant.
"He never admitted I was worth even a little till the day he died. I was ridiculed for every reason and none. All the words you've said to hurt me, kick me where it hurts, to break me down… none of them came even close to the things he said to me growing up. Which is why I never hated you, even though you hated me… maybe because it was justified."
"Do you wanna know what Olimar said to me before tricking us to come here?" Brittany wondered what she was saying as it was clear the question startled his monologue.
"He considers you part of his family, sort of an uncle to his kids. So whether or not you've known it, you've always had a home."
"Aren't you just saying things to make me feel better?" He disbelieved.
"Think about it, Louie. Why would I of all people say anything to make you feel better? I may be brash, but I'm not a liar."
"There are first times for everything…" he murmured, but Brittany didn't hold it against him. Of course he didn't believe her if he'd been indoctrinated the opposite from birth. That therapist had probably been ground into flour from the work of trying to talk sense into him.
"Whatever. I don't care if you don't believe me. Olimar will confirm it to you later. He's listening in after… all…" Brittany's eyes magnified. "Oh crap. I've forgotten all about that. What's the time?"
Louie looked at his watch. "Uh oh…"
To their great surprise, the door was unlocked. They weren't in the monitor room either; all the recording equipment was left behind, the surveillance camera still panning over the bathroom they've been in.
"What's going on?" Brittany exclaimed.
"They're probably at the reception." Louie replied.
"How do you know that?"
"Gut-of-a-chef instinct." He picked up a piece of paper with his thumb and index finger. "Also, there's a note here."
"Give me that!" The Koppaite rudely jerked the note out of his hand to read it.
"Yeah, we left, in case you didn't notice. They needed some extra help with moving furniture to the wedding hall. Except they didn't, they just needed an excuse to make this story more interesting, so we're not here. When you're done talking, come. We'll leave the door open for you." –Olimar
"Well, if we're gonna stop the wedding, we better head off now."
"No shit, Sherlock." Brittany bridled at him as they took off, but not before Louie grabbed her hand instinctively to make her follow him more quickly. She had no time to protest, only to blush.
… they are also morons, because they didn't read the PS.
"They're gonna barge in any minute now…" Brad looked at his watch from the pew he was sitting in. Olimar had a snazzy white suit with an aquamarine tie to match. The others were more modestly dressed, because they didn't have a gold digger of a wife to dictate their clothing. Brad, Lindsay, Crystal and Jeremy were sitting in the front row on the left side of the aisle, while Olimar's family sat to the right; being the bestman, he stood beside the wedding arch. The president had also attended with his wife, but they're unimportant to this story so I have no idea why I'm writing this sentence right now. Charlie, Alph and Gordon were also sitting far ahead, the latter with a smile so bright it would make the sun pale with envy.
"…I don't know whether to love or hate this guy." Charlie whispered to Alph secretly about Gordon.
"Who says they're mutually exclusive?" Alph replied tiredly.
The first group of people I mentioned were also rudely whispering amongst themselves.
"Gee whiz, I sure hope they read the PS note at the end. It sure would be a bummer if they missed it. After all, it was the most important part of the note. If they didn't read it this plan will fail, because it's so important that they read it." Lindsay commented.
"Yeah. If they haven't read it for some reason I'm gonna kill myself." Brad replied.
"Ah beat ye tae it." Jeremy stood up to show off his kilt.
"… boo."
"Bitch be goin' down tonight." Crystal was giddy with excitement, having her camera crew at the ready. Her gang rolled their eyes at her enthusiasm, knowing her plan wasn't going to fall through.
Then, a slam of a door echoed, and the bunch turned their heads.
"Haven't you people ever heard of closing the Goddamn door? No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with sense of poise and rationality!" Yelled a voice, which non-subtly belonged to Louie.
Everyone was silent, until they heard Gordon whistle. "See? I knew you loved Panic! At the Disco! You're already putting your post-wedding plans into action, and we're not even through the vowing!"
Louie covered his mouth with his hands. "It just slipped out!"
"No, dad, we-"
"Shhh!" Everyone in on their plan about breaking up the wedding resounded in unison. Brittany looked at them in bewilderment... "Huh?"
They all pointed at the podium where they were going to elope, then they mimicked with their lips the word "vow".
She got angry. "No way! We had a deal! Did you change your minds?! I knew I couldn't trust Hocotatians!"
"What plan?" Crystal confusedly asked. Seeing their plan crumbling because of Brittany's big mouth, Brad, Lindsay, Jeremy, Olimar, Alph and Charlie face palmed.
"She didn't read the PS, did she?" Brad sighed.
"How is it even possible?! I even wrote it in invisible ink to make sure they wouldn't miss it!" Charlie exasperated.
"Alright, alright, what's going on?" Spat Crystal, not shaking with rage but oozing of the feeling of betrayal… of maybe it was her azalea perfume, that smelled like camel vomit by the way.
After the initial shock of realizing her own stupidity, Brittany took a step forth, fists clenched.
"Look, enough with these convoluted plans, let's make like the fool Louie was by barging in here and just be loud and boisterous about it all."
Everyone who knew Crystal better flailed with their arms to urge her not to say another word, knowing of the risk she was taking. It proved moot as Brittany ignored them.
"I don't care if you sue me. I don't care if I'll spend the rest of my life in jail for whatever legal reason Hocotate has cooked up on the spot for breaking off the wedding. I will not marry this guy", she pointed at Louie, "and that's final!"
"Right!" Louie concurred fully.
For exactly 5 minutes (I counted) they all just stared at the two, benumbed in every sense of the word.
Then, they got the shock of the century.
Crystal began roaring, of which delved into something animalistic, growing in size to Godzilla levels of magnitude. In accordance with physics, her clothes ripped to expose her lady bits, but of course it was obvious their attention was not aimed there.
Louie and Brittany were left in her wake with gaping jaws, but got snapped slightly back to their surroundings when they were wrestled to the ground.
"Stay back!" A familiar tone uttered to them in haste, and the rest of the team evolved the shocked remnants of the party to leave the room.
The not-wedded-couple-to-be were there, dumbfounded, jammering nonsense from the unexpected events.
"Wh-what?"
"We told you not to piss her off!" Lindsay uncharacteristically hissed in a whisper, as she dragged the catatonic pair away from the commotion.
"We didn't think it would have LITERAL consequences!" Brittany managed amidst all the unforeseen tumult of the now enormous Crystal breaking the roof as she grew too tall for any conventionally sized house.
Brad and Jeremy were already at work dissuading the now giant beast clawing at the air with abandon, jumping up to her shoulders to speak gently to her into her massive ears, with calm, honey-like words as though this was their… job.
Waitaminnit…
"Are you reporters or guardians?" Brittany shouted to Lindsay who was already putting on her oddly prepared climbing gear.
"Both. We know how to deal with this. Stand back." Lindsay shot a hook into one of Crystal's earrings to reel herself onto her. Meanwhile Louie grabbed Brittany in a heeding of Lindsay's order.
"Let's get out of here!" He tried pulling her loose, but she stood frozen like an ice pillar. Once the situation had settled in just a bit, it seemed as though Brittany was slowly entering into a state of shock, almost like the result of an existential crisis.
Luckily, Louie had been through far worse and was thus undeterred. Eventually, he'd given up on dragging Brittany and instead picked her up bridal style and ran towards the exit. Romance was the absolute last thing on their minds so to them this display wasn't anything out of the ordinary. Well, at least to Louie; Brittany's mind was stuck on a loop about what she'd just witnessed.
Olimar had ushered his wife and kids out the door, waiting for Louie at the entrance. Then, out of a cloud of smoke, Louie burst through with Brittany holding onto his neck, staring into nothing as if she were having night terrors. He's somehow lost his coat in the wreckage with his sleeves rolled up, looking like an impromptu action hero.
Olimar ran off after them knowing everyone was safe.
"Here."
A fat wad of pokos was thrown onto the desk before the not-husband-and-wife-to-be. The pair inspected the money as though it was a newly discovered specimen.
"What's this?"
"Money to keep you quiet." Crystal confirmed as she interlocked her fingers under her chin. Behind her stood Brad, Jeremy and Lindsay, equally stoic.
"About…?"
"That's the spirit!"
"No, what? I'm- we- are actually wondering what you're talking about." Louie inquired in a disheveled manner.
"Wow, really? I'm not sure whether you're acting dumb or actually being dumb." Crystal answered dryly, a singular, furrowed eyebrow aloft. Brad decided to just make everything clear, but not before sighing at his boss'... pettiness.
"About Crystal's… rampage. Keep it all zipped, alright? If word got out it would cause an uproar. Our team is specifically trained to keep it all under wraps. It was going well, but then you two dimwits had to go and piss her off."
"... Whoops?" Louie and Brittany shrugged sheepishly in unison.
Brad shook his head as he exhaled in annoyance.
"Doesn't matter. We're lucky the ceremony was private and Crystal hadn't started filming live yet. We're going bankrupt paying all the guests to keep quiet. This was quite the financial ruin, let me tell you."
"Oh, I wonder whose fault it was? You know, perhaps somebody who forced us into this predicament to start with?" Brittany glared at the group, but especially the frontwoman.
"Well, if you two sods had just gotten married like we planned our story coverage would have sold out! But nooo, you just had to be selfish and want to break off the marriage for trivial reasons!" Crystal waved her hand dismissively.
"SELFISH?!" Brittany roared, clamping her hands down onto the table in a seething rage.
Louie tried to ease the situation.
"Fine, fine… I'll accept the payment. On one condition."
"Which would be…?"
"Break of our marriage."
"No can do." Crystal replied.
It was Louie's turn now to protest, although with considerably more restraint than his not-bride-to-be.
"What do you mean 'no can do'?"
"Because the report I made when you seemingly 'proposed' to Brittany wasn't live."
It all went dead silent, the weight of such words slowly sinking in to the pair at a snail's pace.
"... What?"
"You heard me." Crystal smirked behind her clasped hands, an almost evil glint twinkling in her eye.
"Wait… so you mean…?" Brittany barely got the words out as she had yet to completely snap out of her speechless catatonia.
"Yep. Your engagement was a fraud. It was going to be official once you tied the knot, and my report then was going to be live."
"But… why were you filming us to begin with?"
"That footage was going to be a story added to the full reportage in post." Crystal shrugged. "Plus, once you found out the truth, I looked forward to seeing Brittany pissed off."
Louie looked at Brittany; it was clear by the sight of her clenched teeth and the stiffness of her visage there was lava boiling up inside her.
"Did you know about this?" Louie accused the trio behind her.
Brad looked up with subdued shame in his tone.
"Only that she was going to cash in on the story post prenuptial agreement, not that the initial report wasn't live."
"... You really are evil." Louie hissed at Crystal.
"Aww, thanks. It's what I do."
"We are going to sue you!" Brittany roared.
"For what? You have no proof, and once your marriage had been finalized, everything I had done would have been legal as I wouldn't have leaked any footage until afterwards. Besides, the plan fell through anyway, so there won't be a story. Aren't you happy?"
Of note, there wasn't a complete sadistic triumph in Crystal's spirit, as a bitterness was reluctantly seeping through her smugness.
"... It does make it better by a short shot." Brittany finally admitted while her temper had been easing up.
"Good then. Get out of my sight. I don't wish to see your pathetic mugs ever again."
The sight of the swivel chair she sat in turning a 180 was a strong indication of her final words being final.
After a brief moment of searching for a final remark, Louie and Brittany recognized the futility of continuing and decided to leave Crystal's record as it was. With a swirl of conflicting emotions, they exited her office.
Outside, they met Olimar and his family, the President, Charlie, Alph and Gordon.
"Well?" Olimar curiously inquired at Louie.
"... What?" As Louie's head had been pummeling away of all sorts of thoughts about everything that transpired, his mind wasn't present enough to respond to his co-worker with apt timing.
"What's the status? Are you…"
"Oh… Oh! You mean the marriage?"
"Uh doy!" All of them resounded in agitation of his slowness.
"Oh, well, that is-"
"It's been postponed."
Those words almost yanked Louie's head in Brittany's direction at the shock of her claim.
Brittany tried to ignore Louie's gaping jaw as much as she could, barely avoiding a stutter.
"Yeah, so… because of the Kaiju incident… we see it infeasible to have a proper ceremony due to these events that have occurred. So it will be put off another day… or week… or so."
"That's it. She's lost it." Alph whispered to Charlie, who nodded in agreement.
"The chill pill is probably still in effect." Charlie incurred.
"Oh, well. We can still have a little party, can't we?" Gordon walked up to Brittany to offer some comfort in these 'dire' circumstances.
They all shrugged off Brittany's weird explanation, innerly concluding she had yet to walk off the bump on her head from fainting.
"Anyone want to dance to some Panic! At the Disco?" Gordon suggested eagerly.
"NO!" All of them yelled.
As they fought over their artist of choice, the trio of Brad, Lindsay and Jeremy stepped out of Crystal's office.
"Hey, guys. Enjoying your wealth?" Brad spoke sourly.
"We were about to…" smirked Olimar's wife, being as always materialistic.
Olimar face palmed as his kids tugged at his arm to urge him to dance to the pop music warming up the stereo speakers.
"Hey, now, don't overwhelm your pop." Louie spoke gentle to Olimar's son and picked him up to put him on his shoulders, which the little boy laughed heartily at. Even moreso as Louie ran off with him, having the boy shriek in excitement.
Brittany looked after where Louie and the kid had run off to in a conflicted admiration of his free-spirited nature. Lindsay, without Brittany noticing, crept up beside her to follow her gaze, and smiled.
"He's great with kids, huh?" She spoke softly.
Brittany turned to glare at the shy Hocotatian.
"What are you insinuating?"
"Oh, nothing… Nothing." Lindsay teasingly waved off her observation.
The party went on into the evening, chatting, dancing and what have you. Louie, curious of Brittany's previous intermission, made sure everyone was properly distracted before dragging her to a secluded place to ask her some questions.
Brittany was mildly irritated at being pulled away from the festivities as she'd gotten into the groove, but felt like she owed him after all the nice things he'd done for her, such as carrying her fainted form away to safety from the gigantic Crystal.
"So, uh…" They were now alone from peering eyes, "mind telling me what the hell all that stuff was about?"
Brittany frowned as she might have spoken too soon, not sure herself yet why she said what she had said.
"... I don't know."
"You don't know?! After telling me for months on end that you hate me and think I'm the most repulsive person this side of the Atlantic whom you'd pick death over marrying, and now this?! I don't understand!" It was clear Louie wasn't mad, but very mystified as all the facts presented to him about her didn't at all align with her excuse.
"Maybe… I just… I guess… I didn't want to disappoint dad…"
The steady, studious look on Louie as he stared at Brittany told her he didn't completely buy that explanation.
"... Or, we managed to defeat Crystal… something worth celebrating for tonight. I just… I didn't want to be a buzzkill. I know I have quite a bad temper."
To her relief, he seemed to believe her, or at the very least let her humor the idea, as she got comfortable speaking.
"Hey, have you gone soft?" Louie teased mildly.
Brittany couldn't bring herself to get angry, and instead playfully nudged his shoulder.
"You wish. I still don't want to marry you."
"Me, neither. You, I mean."
Brittany smiled.
"I might not hate you anymore, though… much."
"Aww, how kind of you."
"Shut up and let's go dance with everyone."
And so they did, which Louie commenced by spinning Brittany in a floaty twirl, which, unexpectedly, made her blood rush as she allowed herself to be led by Louie and the spirit of the party. In fact, they danced with the kind of enthusiasm, joy and contentment that could have convinced even the most hardened of nay-sayers to believe they might actually be falling for each other.
Brittany was more than happy to uphold that illusion and, just for a brief second, wouldn't have minded if it had been real.
A distance away, Lindsay looked on fondly and picked up the box of chill pills she'd made to make Brittany calm down earlier that day. She popped one into her mouth before throwing the empty box away in the bin.
Olimar saw her throw away the box and got curious, so after she left, he picked it up from the trash to look at it.
The label said "headache pills".
A/N: If any plotholes didn't make sense, I apologize. I just wanted to finish it because I was getting tired of it laying around.
By the way, I don't hate Panic! At the Disco, I just wanted to joke about it.