He is dead. He is alive. Loyal, and a rebel. Proud and bitter, a demon and a hero. His head pounds, threatening to explode. He falls to his knees from the agony, grateful he is secluded within the privacy of his quarters. It would not do for his subordinates to see him so…distressed. Particularly not that wretched eleven, Kururugi.
He tries desperately to make sense of the scattered thoughts flitting about in his mind. What are they? Not memories. Surely not. They told a tale of a life he had never led. A fiction, a fantasy, something summoned from a forgotten dream. It must be.
He was Julius Kingsley, given leave by the Emperor himself to bring chaos to the Euro Universe. He was a proud Britannian, not some foolish malcontent parading around as a liberator. He spat, blood marking the floor. He frowned. That does not bode well.
Groaning, he struggled to rise to his feet, supporting himself on the wall until he could lurch over to his bed, collapsing on the soft covers with a heavy sigh.
What…what had happened? He could not recall. Indeed, he could hardly recall where he was. He knew his name, what he was sent to do, and the fact that he was in his quarters. Little else made itself known.
Save for the strange images flashing in his head. But they were of no concern. Some delusion or another, perhaps brought on by whatever malady or poison pushed him to exhaustion.
That was certainly the most pressing matter. What ailed him? Some common sickness, or something of a more malicious nature? Could he trust whatever medical officer he could find, or only his own judgment?
Problematic. He required a better appraisal of the situation to act.
Water. He frowned at the sudden thought. He licked his lips. He was not thirsty, and yet he felt almost compelled to find something to drink. Dehydration? Potentially, but unlikely. If he was correct, he was in some sort of Britannian operating base. Doubtless he would be given command. He would be best suited for it, naturally. He would not permit himself to simply forget to drink.
A new wave of burning pain tore through him, as if a boiling lance were driven through his eye and out through the back of his skull. He roared, doubling over in agony as tears flowed freely from his eyes. Eye. Only one.
He shot up suddenly in his bed, his good eye almost bulging out of its socket. Kururugi. He focused on the thought, isolating it, letting the pain drown out. Kururugi. Kururugi.
He can not be trusted.
Julius did not know where the thought came from, but it emerged so suddenly he had no choice but to grasp on to it, in order to force the pain away. Of course he couldn't be trusted. He was an eleven, none of their ilk could be relied on for any but the most menial of tasks. That one had risen to the knights of the round was a disgrace.
And yet…there was something more. Something he could not identify, but his distrust of Kururugi ran far deeper than simple incompetence.
That disturbed him. He was Julius Kingsley, he was not a man who made mistakes. And if he had such an innate distrust of Suzaku Kururugi it was strong enough to corral his fractured thoughts, even for a moment, then there was something wrong indeed with the Knight of Seven.
Hm. Questions. Questions, and no answers. His vision blurred, and he stumbled to the ground. He caught himself, his hands stopping his fall. He shut his eyes, gritting his teeth.
Madness. I can't walk. I can't think. My mind is a mess,and Kururugi lies at the heart of it. I don't understand.
What happened? Why were there such images in his mind? He needed to report to the Emperor. Something was gravely wrong. If nothing else, he could trust in the wisdom of-
Lelouch retched, hurling over the floor. He grimaced, staggering to his feet. His vomit had covered the blood he had previously choked up.
Not me, He corrected. Kingsley.
A scowl crossed his face. Suzaku. Grief, rage, horror, all of them wrestled in his heart for dominance at the thought of his closest friend's greatest betrayal.
He could understand vengeance. He had killed Euphy, after all, even if the circumstances were not quite what Suzaku thought. It didn't matter. It was by his hand she was murdered. He could understand Suzaku wishing for his death in turn.
But this? This was not death. This was not vengeance. Suzaku had betrayed every value he had ever claimed to hold to, broken every promise he had ever made. He had permitted Nunnally to be stolen, captured by the very hands they had hid from desperately for seven years. He had taken Lelouch, thrown him at the foot of his father.
And he stood by and watched as his father ruined his mind. Violated it. Turned him into a sick reflection of himself. Everything he stood against, everything he loathed about Britannia, the Emperor had seen fit to imbue within his false memories.
And he watched. Not just once, either. As the Emperor's Geass faded, and Lelouch's will resisted the tormented hell of the life forced onto him, Suzaku had brought him before the Emperor, again and again, reinforcing the prison inside his mind.
And now, it was finally beginning to crack. And his sanity along with it.
It was getting harder and harder to distinguish from himself and that lapdog Kingsley. Harder to resist. Kingsley's admiration of the Emperor had been enough for him to seize control, for the moment. His own hatred for the man ran far too deep, and it permitted him to latch onto that hatred, riding it to consciousness.
This couldn't last. It wasn't just him who was suffering. Kingsley was becoming more and more volatile. It would not be long before neither of them could truly claim to have any sense of self.
His mind was a broken mirror, shards and shards scattered within. It was…difficult, almost impossible just to think. Marshaling his thoughts was a herculean effort, but he couldn't afford to simply remain here, wasting away as his sanity slipped away. He needed to act.
But what could he even do? Contacting C.C. or Kallen, or any of the Black Knights would surely be an impossibility. If they would even listen to him.
If they were even alive.
He shook his head. They were. C.C. for certain, and Kallen was too determined to let herself be captured. Even…even if she had lost faith in him after Kamine Island, she would never bend down to lick Britannia's boots as Suzaku did.
But they were elsewhere, beyond his reach. Even if he could remain coherent long enough to try and formulate a plan, it was too much effort. Sooner or later Suzaku would run across him, and he wouldn't be able to maintain the charade. He'd be seen through in a moment.
Unless it wasn't a lie.
Hm. Possibly. In this state, Suzaku would be able to tell he was lying to him easily.
But if he were to cede control of his mind to…to Kingsley, then the lie would become truth. Kingsley was desperate to ignore the memories clawing their way to the forefront of his mind, dismissing it as forgotten dreams and illusions. He believed he was real, and Suzaku would be hard pressed to find a chink in that defense.
Only…it would mean allowing Kingsley free reign. To bring his terror to the rest of Britannia's enemies, and Lelouch was not certain he would be able to wrest back control.
It was his only course of action, however. No other option was left to him. He needed time, time to gather his thoughts, to try and heal what damage he could that his father had dealt to him, forcing his geass on him again and again. Time he could only gain if Kingsley remained in control.
So be it, He thought bitterly. I am left without any other recourse.
He closed his eyes, trying to soothe his thoughts. It was like plunging his hand into a bowl of broken glass. He winced, but did not relent. Britannia. Think of Britannia. Remember it as you did as a child. Remember the Aries Villa, the beautiful gardens, the hours and hours spent running and hiding, playing with Milly, and Nunnally, and your other sisters. Remember Cornelia finding you, chastising you for entering mother's room, and promising not to tell her in the same breath.
Remember your father, before mother's death. Remember how little you saw him, but how often you wished he would come by. Remember that you used to love him, before it turned to bitter hatred.
Remember how proud you wished he would be of you.
Suzaku kept his face even, careful not to let any of his thoughts betray themselves on his face. Not here, surrounded by the sycophants and commanders of Euro Britannia. Every few minutes, one would throw a look his way, before quickly glancing back.
Every time, it was the same. Fear. Fear, anger, perhaps disgust as well. He was a Knight of the Round, here by the direct authority of the Emperor himself. He was the White Grim Reaper, and they feared him yes, but he was an eleven too, and he would always have their hatred.
He had long since grown used to such looks. It hadn't bothered him for years. Let them look, let them fear him and hate him. He would change things. Not today, not soon, but the day would come when his and Euphy's dream would be realized, and Lelouch's arrogance would be shown the lie it was.
One step at a time, however. For now, he had a mission to see through.
He almost left then, to go fetch his charge, but Julius Kingsley emerged almost as soon as he turned to leave, and instantly Suzaku felt a bad taste enter his mouth.
The mere sight of the man was enough to send his temper into a rage. More so, because that was not Lelouch. Kingsley was an abomination, a disgusting perversion of Lelouch and everything he ever believed in. It was no less than he deserved, of course, but of the two, at least Lelouch had made the choice to walk the path of evil.
Kingsley was a lie forced onto the image of the man he had once called his friend, parading around in his body, speaking with his voice, aping his mannerisms in a way that was so utterly wrong. And he was forced to play the servant to him.
Only the knowledge that this would further his favor with the Emperor, and that Lelouch hated every second of it kept him from running his sword through the imposter every time he laid eyes on him. Justice. Penance. This is Lelouch's due punishment, and it is nothing compared to what he truly deserves.
So for now, at least, he must play the part. He frowned, only now truly looking at Kingsley. "My lord, are you well?" He asked. Kingsley was pale, exhausted and ragged looking. And Kingsley always took care to maintain his appearances.
The broken thing scowled at him. "My welfare is none of your concern, eleven. I am perfectly capable of looking after myself."
Suzaku almost snorted. He bowed lightly, inclining his head. "I only wished to make sure. I am charged with your safety, after all."
Kingsley sneered. "Yes, and you did such a fine job the last time someone was placed in your care, didn't you?" His hand twitched instinctively towards his sword, and it was an effort to restrain himself. "No matter," Kingsley said dismissively, oblivious to how close he came to death. "I require the latest report. I don't wish to tarry here any longer than necessary. The sooner we return to Pendragon, the better."
Suzaku ignored him, staring intently at Kingsley. He frowned. He wasn't sure what to make of him, anymore. He was becoming less and less stable, the divide between him and Lelouch blurrier and blurrier. The Emperor's Geass was not without consequences. To force Lelouch to become someone so utterly opposite strained heavily against his nature. He thrashed against his father's Geass, weakening his bonds more and more, and each time he was forced to haul Lelouch back to the Emperor to have it reapplied.
The price for obedience was beginning to make itself known. Soon, they would have neither Lelouch nor Kingsley. Just a gibbering wreck barely able to think. The Emperor must know, surely. He doubted they would be able to continue much longer in Euro Britannia. The Emperor desired to use Lelouch as bait to lure out C.C., but he could hardly serve as bait if he was as good as dead.
The plan could likely still be salvaged. If the Emperor impressed upon Lelouch a life almost identical to how it was at Ashford, he would not be so opposed. His mind would cope much easier. All they would have to do is cut out any memories pertaining to Zero and Geass.
If the Emperor still wished to.
Are you lying to me? He mused, taking note once again of Kingsley's weariness. It wasn't much different to how he looked after one of his episodes. Perhaps Lelouch was breaking free again. Perhaps he had broken free…
No. No, he would have known. He had watched Lelouch and Kingsley for months now. He knew how to tell one from the other. Kingsley was the one who stood before him, there could be no doubt about that.
"What are you doing, dithering about?" Kingsley demanded. "I asked for a report, not for you to stand there gawking like an idiot! Go!"
Yes, Thought Suzaku with a weary sigh. It was definitely Kingsley.
"Where is he?" She asked.
"I can't see," He answered, standing up on his tiptoes to peer out the window.
She tried standing up on the chair with him, nudging him out of the way. "Move!"
"You move!" He shot back. "I said I can't see, and I'm taller than you."
"Where is he then?" His sister asked.
He shrugged. "I don't know. Nelly only said she thought he was going to visit, Euphy."
Euphy pouted, hopping down from the chair. "He isn't coming today then, is he?"
"Probably not," He agreed. "He will eventually though. Everyone says he likes my mother best."
"How many times have you met him?" She asked suddenly.
He frowned, trying to remember. "Six, maybe? At least that I can remember. We only spoke a few times though, and never for very long."
She looked at him in awe. "I've only seen him twice," She said. "Although Cornelia has met him lots of times. More than either of us combined, and then even more!"
Lelouch laughed. "So has Schneizel. I think Clovis at least has met him around the same amount of times as I have."
"Where is Clovis?" His sister asked. "I thought he was visiting too."
"He was, but he threw a fit when I started beating him in chess," Lelouch explained. "He apologized over the phone, though. He'll come back next week."
Euphy pouted once more. "But I'll be gone by then!" She whined.
He shrugged. He couldn't control what their elder siblings did. "It isn't my fault he's a sore loser. He shouldn't have gotten so mad."
"You shouldn't be so mean to our brother, Lelouch," Euphy chided, before breaking out into a fit of giggles. "That must have been hilarious, though!"
Lelouch grinned. "Oh it was! He was fuming. I've never seen someone so angry in my life, not even when Cornelia found out we were the ones who stole Mr. Trunks."
Euphemia nodded sagely in sympathy. Their sister's wrath at the theft of her stuffed elephant had been palpable, and they had both been sworn to secrecy that night. He wasn't sure whether her face was more red from rage or embarrassment.
Either way, he shuddered at the memory. "Then what do we do now? If father isn't coming, there isn't any point looking out the window every five seconds."
Euphy hummed in thought, lacing her hands behind her back and bouncing back and forth on the balls of her feet. Her face lit up in excitement. "I know what we could do!"
He narrowed his eyes. "What?" He asked hesitantly.
"Nunnally's with your mother, visiting Milly," Euphy began slowly, her grin widening by the minute. "And father isn't coming."
"Your point, sister?" Lelouch sighed.
"We're all alone in the Aries Villa, with no one but Nelly and the other guards!" She said excitedly, clapping her hands. "The palace is ours, and we can do whatever we want!"
He was fairly sure that wasn't true. Mother would be back eventually, and if Cornelia caught them there would be hell to pay.
But he would be lying if he told her the idea didn't appeal to him. "There's a Knightmare simulator, in mother's private gym. No one else is supposed to use it, but she lets me sometimes."
Euphy frowned. "That's boring. I want to do something fun."
"How is a Knightmare simulator boring?" He asked incredulously.
"It just is!" Euphy insisted. "Come on, I have a better idea!" She grabbed his hand, dragging him off down the long corridors of the palace.
Wherever it was she was taking him, he never learned, no more than he ever found out what her original plan was. Halfway down a set of steps, a voice cried out, halting them in their tracks. "Your highnesses!" One of the guards called from the top of the stairs. "Your sister has told you time and again not to run in the palace, especially not down a flight of stairs. What if you tripped?"
Lelouch scowled. "Nelly isn't in charge of me. She can't tell me what to do." Only mother could. And father, if he ever came around.
The guard was unimpressed, crossing his arms. "As a matter of fact, your highness, yes she is, and yes she can. Princess Cornelia is in command of all affairs regarding security in this palace, and while your mother is away, she is in charge of the palace as a whole. Now please, whatever it is you're doing, do so in a safer manner."
A grin tugged at the corner of his mouth, and he knew instantly what Euphy was thinking.
The guard did as well, uncrossing his arms and frowning. He and Euphy had been caught in similar situations far too often for any of the guards not to realize what came next. "Your highness, please, think about this…"
The second the guard paused, he and Euphy turned, bolting down the stairs, skipping three or four at a time. The guard cursed behind them, hurrying down to give chase. Euphy grabbed his arm again as they reached the bottom, leading him once more as they ran laughing.
He wasn't sure how long they ran for, only that by the end of it he could hardly breathe. Euphy wasn't faring much better, but at the very least they had escaped capture. They came to a stop in one of the many dining rooms, too exhausted to carry on. Frantic shouting came from behind them, and Euphy's eyes widened.
"We can't let them find us!" She whispered.
"Why not?" He complained. "I'm tired."
"Because," Euphy whined. "That would be losing. Hurry, behind the windows."
There was plenty of space for them to stand in the windowsill, out of sight and behind the fabric covering the windows. They scrambled behind one of the curtains, trying desperately to stay quiet.
The sound of footsteps hitting tile slowed from a run to a slow walk. "Lelouch? Euphemia?" The voice of their sister rang out, irritation pouring from her tone. "I know you're here somewhere. Come on out, I'll only scold you a little, I promise."
They kept silent, and Cornelia sighed. "Fine then. Have it your way. Lelouch, your mother will be hearing about this when she gets back. And don't think you're safe either, Euphy!"
Euphy winced, but held firm. They listened fervently as Cornelia walked from one side of the room to the other, carefully ruling out the possible hiding place one by one.
She drew closer. She's going to find us, He thought. Oh well. They made it pretty far, considering.
He looked over to Euphy, and she looked so dejected at the same realization. Heartbroken, almost. She doesn't care about any punishment. She just doesn't want to lose the game.
Lelouch sighed. Let it never be said I'm a poor brother.
He jumped out from behind the curtains, running as far as he could back down the way he came. "Damnit Lelouch!" Cornelia yelled, chasing after him. He wouldn't last long. Cornelia would run him down in seconds, maybe a minute or two.
But it would give Euphy time to get out and find somewhere else where she could last a little longer, and that was what mattered.
Lelouch gasped from the memory, clutching the patch that covered his eye as he returned to consciousness. He was panting, sweating. Euphy. Why was I dreaming about Euphy? Nostalgia? Guilt?
No. No, something else, something…Ah. Yes, that was it. A tool. He needed to take control back from Kingsley, and used his memories of Aries Villa to do so. Sometimes he needed to remember the invasion to fuel his anger, and others he would remember the Britannia from his childhood, to trick Kingsley into a false sense of serenity.
It didn't matter now. He had done what he hoped to do, and he doubted he had much time. He scrambled out of Kingsley's bed, diving to the floor and withdrawing a file from in between the mattresses. A file he had worked very hard to maintain and hide these last few weeks, both from Suzaku and from Kingsley. Within held every scrap of information he could find pertaining to his former allies.
There was little and less to be found, unfortunately. Of C.C. there was no mention, naturally, but then he had never expected there to be. There was hardly more for Kallen, but there was enough at least for him to learn that she still fought as a Black Knight, striking back in small raids from time to time.
He smiled genuinely for the first time in months when he had learned that. He was glad, for at least one piece of good news.
The others were either with her it seemed, or already captured by Britannia, awaiting execution. And all of them were beyond his reach. He sighed, running his eyes over information he had already committed to memory. It was dangerous keeping the file, but it helped him. He forgot sometimes, and others he couldn't trust himself. He needed something physical, something real to ground him.
What then? If he couldn't make contact with what remained of the Black Knights, what else could he do? Bide his time, wait for his chance, try to kill Suzaku in his sleep? He scoffed. Ridiculous. Even if by some stroke of luck Suzaku slumbered while Lelouch was in control, he would be hard pressed to find a way into his chambers with a weapon, without drawing attention. And that's without considering the matter of his Geass. How far would his order to live go? Would his body sense the danger and wake him to consciousness? He didn't know.
"I should really have expected something like this sooner." Lelouch froze at the sound of that awful voice, a shiver running down his spine. "I suspected something was wrong, but I couldn't put a name to it."
Lelouch closed the file, turning to face Suzaku. His old friend gestured towards him. "Unless, of course, you have an explanation for that? I checked where you've been going these last few weeks. What you've been looking into. Why the sudden interest in the Black Knights, Kingsley?"
"Suzaku," Lelouch said, greeting him coolly.
The knight frowned, tilting his head. "It's odd, hearing you say my name. Months of Kururugi this, and eleven that has made it strange to hear from your voice." He shrugged. "Of course, it's not just what you say. It's how you say it. One word, and I already know it's you, and not that freak."
"I assure you, however distasteful you find him, I have to deal with him in my head," Lelouch answered.
Suzaku kept frowning. "You sound so lucid. I can't remember the last time I heard the real you sound like that."
"Probably when you threw me at my father's feet," He snarled.
"Yes," Suzaku agreed. "Probably then." He took a step forward. "How'd you do it? I'm curious."
Lelouch sighed. There wasn't any point in lying. He was discovered. "I allowed Kingsley to take control while I tried to keep myself from slipping away. You have no idea how difficult it is to keep myself sane in the wake of the Emperor's violation of my mind."
"Perhaps not," He said. "But it hardly matters now. We'll have to go back to Pendragon, of course."
Fear flashed in his eyes, panic setting in. "Suzaku, wait,"
Suzaku stepped forward, clubbing him with the back of his hand. Lelouch fell to the ground, clutching his jaw. "Must you try this again? You know it isn't going to work…or maybe you don't. I doubt your memory is very reliable these days."
"It's killing me," He groaned, struggling to rise to his feet. "Again and again, and each time my mind is left a little more shattered. It won't be long before the pieces are too small to put back together, Suzaku."
"Good!" Suzaku shouted, stomping down on his back. "It's no less than you deserve! I'm glad you're dying, and I thank the Emperor for devising a worse fate than any I could ever dream. Every hour, every minute of your life forced to parade around as everything you loathe, powerless to stop it even as you forget why you want to stop it. I hope you rot slowly, Lelouch."
Lelouch laughed, spitting up blood on the floor."You're lying," He said. "You hate Kingsley as much as I do. You want me dead, but not like this. Even you're not that much of a bastard."
"Maybe not," Suzaku said, grabbing his shoulder and forcing him to his feet. "But it isn't going to stop me. I'm bringing you to your father, and you will fade away as Julius Kingsley is made again."
Lelouch stopped struggling, too tired to resist. There wouldn't be any point in it anyways. It wasn't as if he ever had any chance of overpowering Suzaku.
He looked his old friend in the eye, shaking his head. "Do you ever think about what Euphy would say, if she could see us now? Both of us."
"Sometimes," Suzaku nodded regretfully. "I think of how sad she would be. How disappointed in the both of us she would be. She'd hate what we've done, and hate that we're doing it to each other."
His sorrowful expression turned into a snarl. "And then I remember that none of it matters anymore. It doesn't matter what she would think, because she's dead. By your hand."
"Suzaku-" He tried to call out.
Suzaku silenced him, pulling his fist back and slamming hard into his face, and Lelouch went down with a thud.
Lelouch scowled, lazily playing a one sided game of chess. Cornelia had confined him to his room until mother returned. He blew a strand of hair out of his face. Older sisters are stupid. They always act like they know best, and always snitch on you no matter what.
He hummed. Maybe not always, He thought, remembering a few times when she had lied to his mother for his and Euphy's sake. But usually.
And Euphy, she was probably forgotten about in the chaos. He sighed. At least she won her game. It would have been nice if he didn't have to wind up grounded for it, though.
A small knock on his door shook him out of his thoughts. He frowned. "Mother can't be back already," He said aloud, even as he was walking over. It was far too late, the sun had already gone down. And Nelly had said she would be here tomorrow anyways.
He creaked the door open, and Euphy slipped in, ducking under his arm. He turned quickly to face her. She was grinning like a madwoman, hands laced behind her back. "What are you doing here?" He hissed. "You'll get in trouble."
She shrugged. "I'll probably be in trouble once Cornelia remembers I was also running with you. Besides, it wasn't fair you got in trouble for saving me." She paused. "Thank you, by the way. Here, I got you this."
She pulled her hands out from behind her back, revealing two ice cream sandwiches. She extended one arm out, offering it to him. He grinned, forgetting about all his prior sulking.
They sat together on the edge of his bed, eating quietly until she spoke up. "Thanks again," Euphy said.
Lelouch rolled his eyes. "I'm your older brother. You obviously cared too much about winning that stupid game. I may as well give you a chance to."
She grinned. "And that's why you're my favorite brother!"
He tried not to let his gratification at her words show. He cleared his throat. "Yes, well, I love you too, Euphy."
She leaned her head on his shoulder. "You know, you're not that much older," She pointed out.
"Doesn't matter," He said. "I'm still your older brother. It's my job to help you out, and not to let anything happen to you or Nunnally. And I won't"
She looked up at him, smiling. "I know you wouldn't."
I love Code Geass. Another quick one shot, written mostly in one day. Not my best of course, but I still like it.
One thing to note, how are there like no Julius Kingsley fics out there? It seems like such a perfect story set up, and one that never gets used. I may have to do something about that one day…
Anyways, if you read my previous Code Geass oneshot, you'll note I replied to people in the comments that I would probably continue it. That has since changed, and I really wouldn't hold my breath for an update. It works much nicer as a one shot.
I do have a much longer Code Geass fic planned for my next project. However it is a 40k crossover. That said, I will eventually do a normal CG fic at some point, almost certainly. (Although I recommend checking out the xover when it starts posting, if it interests you at all)
Please, leave a comment if you enjoyed it! I love reading through everyone's thoughts in my work!
As always, I crosspost on AO3!