He kept his eyes on his drink. Her familiar laugh lilted over the light conversational buzz of the other patrons at the bar. His head immediately whipped around at the sound, but before he could make his way towards her, an arm wrapped around her shoulders, pulling her into a lingering hug. At that point, he dropped his gaze and tried to focus on the condensation gathering on the edges of his glass.

His misery was no one's fault but his own. She had called. And called. And called. And he would answer, but he never took another chance. He avoided meeting her face-to-face. Maybe he was afraid of rejection. Again. Maybe his life was such a remarkable mess that he hesitated to taint her new-found healing with the darkness that always hovered around the edges of his life.

His thumb wiped at the cool surface of his glass. He had put her off, and now he worried he was too late. He watched her discreetly over the rim of his glass, laughing with another man. Touching another man. The flame of jealousy stoked hot, but the flames of his own self-pity burned hotter. It was self-pity that kept his ass glued to his chair.

There were no promises made. Just a necklace, and hope for future happiness. Together.

But now the necklace was gone, and they were drifting apart.

He lifted his drink to his lips, finishing the last swig before signaling to the bartender that he needed another.

Another light peel of laughter floated his way, making his stomach churn. How did it come to this? Again?

It was like he was watching his life on loop. It was suddenly twenty years ago, and he was standing just out of reach, watching the woman he loved, the one he thought of as his home, bring another man into her bed.

It was the same film, same storyline, and he wondered if his current self-exile was just another synchronicity from their relationship half a lifetime ago.

-000-

She clocked him watching her about twenty minutes into her date. The odds of running into him anywhere in the city were minuscule, but somehow fate had managed to place them in the most awkward situation possible.

She tried to focus on her date, laughing at the appropriate times, but it was nearly impossible to ignore the steel blue eyes appraising her from the other side of the room.

She faked a smile as her date dipped right into another story. The man was nice enough, but she only agreed to the date as a favor to Amanda. Carisi had no shortage of single cousins, and apparently the only way to get him to shut up about the potential of setting her up was to go out with one of them.

So she sat across from a man she barely knew, listening to stories she barely cared about, while the man who made her feel everything sat on the other side of the bar, watching her like he would bloody his knuckles for her at any given opportunity.

Her eyes remained on her date, but she kept him on her periphery.

Part of her wondered if they would ever get this right. Since he returned, every interaction felt like a careful balancing act. It was like she was a child who was trying to climb to the top of a tree, but the exhilarating height was unattainable because she couldn't quite balance herself on all the damaged branches. She and Elliot had twenty-five years worth of broken branches. Sometimes the climb felt too treacherous, too impossible.

Her brain began to tune out her date, and she lifted her eyes only to catch Elliot's eyes fixed on her. Her hand gripped her stomach, which had begun to flip nervously. Without warning, she cut off her date's monologue. "I'm sorry." She reached out to grip his forearm. "Will you excuse me for a few minutes?" She eyed the bathrooms in a hall not far from where she sat. "I just need to use the restroom." She gave him her most charming smile in an attempt to soften her impulsive interruption. "I'll be right back," she promised.

"Of course, of course," he waved her off.

She snagged her purse off the seat next to her and took off towards the sanctuary of the bathroom. She felt Elliot's eyes following her, but she remained focused on her goal. That is, until she found a door that led to the alleyway next to the bar. She decided to forgo the bathroom in favor of fresh air. The air in the bar had become stifling, and the careful observation of a pair of blue eyes on the other side of the room left her a little breathless.

She swung the door open and stepped onto the small stoop. The warm air hit her face as she gripped the safety rail at the top of the steps.Her knuckles whitened as she tried to get a grip and slow down her pounding heart. She was almost successful, but a familiar voice immediately sent her heart racing.

"You okay, Liv?"

-000-

Elliot felt a little embarrassed when Olivia's eyes finally caught his, outing his obvious gaping. Only moments later, she took off towards the restrooms, and before he could think better of it, he followed her.

He assumed she was headed to the bathroom, but right as he entered the dimly lit hallway, he noticed the back exit door falling shut.

He took a deep breath before he opened the door. He nearly bumped into her because she had only taken a couple steps away from the door. She faced away from him, her hands white-knuckling the metal railing in front of her. He found himself inches from her loosely curled, submitted hair, and it took every ounce of self control he possessed to keep his hand from reaching for her.

Her body trembled in front of him, and he was genuinely worried if something happened with her date; after all, why else would she take off so abruptly? Unable to remain silent, he finally asked, "You okay, Liv?"

He watched her shoulders rise and fall as she took a shaky breath. At the end of her exhale, she spun around, and Elliot took a half-step backward to avoid her body colliding with his.

"I'm not sure how to answer that. It's been a year, Elliot. What the hell are you doing?"

"Tough day at work. I needed to unwind." His thought tapered off when he realized she wasn't asking him what he was doing in her space; she wanted to know what he wanted with her. Guilt ate at his gut for the hell he continued to put her through. She deserved so much better than him.

Her shoulders dropped, an unconscious manifestation of her feelings of defeat. She stepped forward in an attempt to push past him. "You know what? Nevermind." She flung the words in his direction with a combination of anger and frustration.

Her shoulder bumped his as she tried to get past, but he grabbed her elbow, stopping her abruptly. She pulled her arm, but his grip was too firm. "Just let me go. I was never what you actually wanted anyway."

"What the hell does that mean?" The roar of his words surprised himself. How could she believe that? She was all he ever wanted. For twenty-five years, he pined for a woman whom he wanted but could never have. How could she even think he didn't want her?

A well-timed pull snapped her arm free from his grasp.

"It's been a year. If you wanted something to happen, you would have at least tried to meet up with me!" She crossed her arms.

He scrubbed his hands over his face. "Well, maybe I was a little tired of you blowing me off. A man can only grovel so long, Liv. Either forgive or don't—either way, I need to know what you want! I'm tired of putting it all on the line only for you to blow me off!"

"You left!" Her voice echoed through the alley and over the ambient sounds of the bustling city. Her face fell, and her voice dropped. "You left, and what's stopping you from leaving again? You go dark, and what the hell am I supposed to do with that?"

The fine line of avoidance they had always skirted was beginning to become more and more narrow.

"You're supposed to trust me," he argued. "And it's always going to come back to that one stupid mistake!" A mistake that would haunt him forever.

"It was a decade worth of mistakes," she said bitterly. "And trust you? I did trust you! Back then, God, Elliot, I was so sure of you! No one ever stayed. But you did." She swallowed deeply, and he knew she was fighting back her emotions. "Why?" She breathed carefully through her nose as she tried to steady her trembling voice. The sight of her distress brought a crippling tightness into his chest.

"I was so sure of you, but you just…disappeared. Tell me why I should put myself in that position again."

For a moment, he just stared at her, a stunned expression frozen on his face.

Her leg bounced impatiently, and he knew he needed to say something. But how could he explain something he didn't understand for himself? How could he prove to her that he was here? What could he possibly say to bring back her ever-elusive trust?

"I gotta go."

His chest tightened in panic. "No, Liv, just…"

"I'm sure you haven't forgotten that I have a date waiting for me." She reached for the door, but he pushed it shut.

"You don't want him," he said defiantly.

She spun on him, fire filling her eyes. "Maybe I do," she spat. "Maybe for once in my life, I want someone safe! Someone who won't drag my heart through hell! Maybe that's what I want!"

His eyes narrowed, and she squirmed under his scrutiny. She was full of crap, and she knew it. She was goading him, and he wasn't backing down.

He stepped into her space and grasped her upper arms. "You don't want safe," he murmured.

Her warm brown eyes lifted to his face. She had softened under his touch, but he could still fill her anger simmering beneath the surface.

"He wouldn't make you happy," he continued.

"Oh yeah?" She couldn't control the snark that accompanied her voice.

He shook his head, but before he could speak, the door behind them was pushed open. "Olivia?"

Elliot immediately dropped his hands and took a step back.

"Hey." Her voice wavered, but she slapped on a fake smile. "I just needed some air." Her date's eyes flicked to Elliot. "Sorry, this is, uh, a friend of mine. We work together." She rushed through her explanation. "Anyway, uh, are you ready to go?"

Her date's eyes passed between her and Elliot. He could obviously sense the tension but was unaware of the source. "Yeah, let's go." She smiled as her date dropped his hand on her lower back to guide her back into the dimly lit bar. Elliot's fists clenched and unclenched as he tried to tamp down the wave of jealousy crashing over him.

She glanced back once before the door shut.