Chapter Seven: Slow Down, Jethro

Despite her fear of arriving late, Kara was actually one of the first few guests to show. The morning air that wafted in over the ocean was salty and delightful. Soon enough, she spied a familiar face and ran over to say hello to Hank, who was not present at the rehearsal dinner the day before but wouldn't have missed Alex's wedding for the world. Both Kara and Alex were as close to him as daughters. Suddenly, and only for a moment, a sharp pain in the pit of her stomach caught her off balance when she thought of Eliza, who apparently was nowhere to be found. Regardless of the fact that she had been adopted, the woman was still her mother. Kara's thoughts then stumbled upon her sister, who probably knew long beforehand that the matriarch of their family would not be attending that day. Alex was one of the strongest people she had ever known and for all of her smiles, laughter and general happiness over the course of the weekend, Kara knew deep down that there was a small broken piece rattling around somewhere inside of her sister and she only wished she had the right kind of glue to fix it. Kara witnessed Eliza and Alex disagree on many things as she grew older, and the way that their last argument ended was with both of them in tears and Alex packing her bags. Kara knew it killed her to leave…

…but look at what she found.

More people trickled onto the beach from the boardwalk, and everyone began to seat themselves on the fold-out chairs placed in even rows before a beautifully crafted arch. A grand, beautifully handcrafted piece that was woven with flowers and draped in lace. The morning sun peered ever so gracefully through it, making Kara squint. It was through her squinted eyes that she saw dark hair and red lips wrapped in a gorgeous baby blue A-line chiffon dress which plunged at the top into a deep V. Lena was breathtaking. They shared a moment across the crowd and smiled, then Lena turned and found a seat near the front.

Alex and Sam shared their vows and were married in front of their closest friends and family. The ceremony itself was a heartwarming testament of their love that bonded them for life. Kara had never seen her sister so happy, and she ended up shedding many tears that morning. Tears which also hid an ashamed sense of despair that she herself might never find the same kind of happiness. She was only human, after all, but she didn't tend to let things like that bother her for too long. Soon after, a small reception began for guests who wished to eat and continue spending time with the newly married couple and was just a short walk back up to the boardwalk. There was a large area cordoned off for the wedding party with live music and wait staff at the ready. Sam and Alex shared their first dance to "Pure Imagination" for reasons known only to them, and then the floor space filled with guests and other couples.

Kara was leaning on the wooden railing happily watching of all the people enjoy themselves as she caught sight of Lena walking her way. In a flash, she straightened her blue tie and tucked it under her pinstripe suit vest. Kara had spent weeks agonizing about what she would wear for the ceremony, already having both brides' permission to wear whatever she felt most comfortable in; with the one caveat that something about it was to be the color blue. The buttons on her suit vest were a shiny gold color and the pocket square as well as her tie were nearly the same baby blue shade as Lena's dress. Kara had chosen to wear a simple white long-sleeved dress shirt underneath her vest which she had now rolled up to her forearms. She had foregone the coat, but blue jeans and boots that shined were apparently acceptable, as Alex had nearly burst into tears when she first saw her younger sister. Kara felt incredible and loved the clothes that were on her body. Somehow, they made her feel more like herself, and also a bit invincible as well. It all gave her a newfound sense of confidence… while she was away from home at least. She hadn't felt this much freedom to explore herself in years, not since her times visiting the few gay bars in Austin with her sister after her relationship with Sam had been well established, and even then, it had been difficult. Kara knew that it had been her sister's way of getting her to open up, but she hadn't found it easy to relax in such a loud and excitable environment with women fawning over her, not even needing to know her name. In fact, it rather repelled her, and she went back home to stay eventually. It was only when Lena looked at her did Kara feel like she absolutely belonged in her own skin.

Lena smiled as she sidled up alongside her at the railing and made a show of looking her up and down. "Wow. You clean up nice." She teased.

Kara's heart soared. "You look so beautiful." She heard the words as soon as they left her mouth.

Slow down, Jethro.

Lena smiled, this time her cheeks flushing a bright pink. "Thank you." She said quietly and placed a hand a few spaces away from Kara's on the railing. Lena then fluttered her lashes helplessly at her.

Oh, she wants you to ask her to dance, idiot.

Kara threw her eyebrows over at the crowd. "Would you maybe want to dance with me?"

Her accent had been strong, and she noticed it came out more and more around Lena. Usually, she would try to hinder her long vowels and tapped T's when first meeting someone from out of town, which admittedly wasn't often. Certain stereotypes came with a drawl like Kara's, and she'd rather have a chance for Lena to get to know her a little better before, and if, any assumptions were made. She had learned over the years that it simply came with the territory, so to speak. But something about Lena told her that she would never treat her like she was stupid, or anything else. Sure, she did dumb things all the time, but she was told (and often) that this was one of her best qualities, because the dumb things she usually did were often done in aid of someone, or something else. Like jumping into dangerously fast moving water to save a foal after a heavy rain. She had nearly drowned, but the young horse was now a great friend of hers back at Danvers Ranch where she used to live.

"Sure." Lena replied and smiled from ear to ear.

They walked to the crowd that was moving around to the rhythm of the music and Kara realized something. "It's mostly country songs, is that alright?"

Lena chuckled a bit, "I think you might have to teach me."

Kara beamed. "Well, we don't have to two-step it then, we can just half-step." She leaned closer to whisper, "It might not look like it, but it's a bit of an intimate dance, if you're doin' it right." She quickly bobbed her head back and shot Lena a wink. The tops of Lena's ears grew a bright red with that. Braver and bolder Kara had grown around her, and it was starting to show.

"Just hang on to me, darlin'." Kara said before she reached down and grabbed Lena's delicate fingers in her slightly larger hands. She pulled her further under the afternoon sun and spun her once before bringing her close to her waist with her other hand. They were in the middle of a wooden deck which made a cozy dance floor and couples passed around them in a circle, some showing off different spinning techniques and overall experience. To Kara, it was second nature. But it was also the first time she was ever going to get to lead someone else. She had boys from school pull her around dance floors growing up and knew the motions like clockwork; when to dip, when to spin, and when to follow, all of it. She realized that teaching Lena wouldn't be hard at all.

Kara drew her in close and placed Lena's other hand upon her shoulder. Now they were an inch away from being chest to chest. Typically, for this dance, first time partners would "leave room for Jesus" and once they had been seen dancing together by others for what was considered an appropriate number of times afterward, only then was it socially acceptable to dance close like this.

Kara didn't care.

She instructed Lena flawlessly on which leg to follow, to remember to keep their toes together, and when she released her hand from her waist; to be ready to spin. Kara surprised herself how easy it was, being on the other end for the first time. Lena conformed to her every move and it pleased Kara to no end how fast of a learner she was. Kara spun her and pulled her for a few more songs when they decided to sit and rest.

Kara had enjoyed herself so much that she didn't realize her hand was still in Lena's as they exited from the middle of the crowd, where they ran almost right into Hank.

"There she is! Where you been at, girl?" The older man said exuberantly.

Kara immediately tossed Lena's hand out of her own and stepped a pace to the side. Her face ran hot. She looked over at Lena, who had a confused and slightly startled expression on her face. God, she felt guilty. A red-hot poker through Kara's heart would have hurt less.

"Hank! Oh my goodness, it's so good to see you again!" Lena recovered and greeted him.

"Miss Luthor! What a surprise indeed. Had I known you'd be here I'd have come and found you earlier!" He laughed and placed a hand on Lena's shoulder.

"Sam is my best friend from college." Lena explained with a smile and nodded her head toward the bustling party behind them.

"Well, I'll be damned." He proclaimed with raised eyebrows.

"I'll let you two catch up, thanks for the dance lesson, Kara." Lena said, excusing herself. Kara knew that she was hurt. Who wouldn't have been?

She wanted to scream.

About an hour later Kara was at the back steps of Lena's beach house, praying that she hadn't left already. She had bid farewell to Alex and Sam, but not without Alex grabbing her by the elbow as she turned to rush off and began asking her what was wrong. Kara blew her off by saying that she was just tired and wanted to nap for a bit before driving home. She hugged and kissed her goodbye once more, but she knew full well that her older sister knew her better than that.

Swallowing past the painfully hard lump in her throat, Kara rapped her knuckles against the door and after a moment, she heard footsteps coming down the set of stairs just on the other side. The door opened and there stood Lena in a small crop top and leggings. The corners of her mouth turned up into a slight smile, but it seemed like that's all she had left. That one 'almost' smile. It killed Kara that she did that to her. She felt like she took something from Lena, and she wanted more than anything to find a way to give it back.

"Hey." Lena said, sagging against the door frame. Her hand clutched at an elbow. This particular stance from the smaller woman was familiar, which Kara recognized from the first night they met.

"Hey." Kara echoed. "Can I come in? I'd like to apologize, if you'd allow me."

Lena sighed. Then she stepped to the side and motioned for Kara to enter, swishing the dark length of her ponytail with a twist of her chin. It felt like an infinity that they stood wordlessly apart from one another after Lena had shut the door, but Kara noticed that the green and blue eyes currently piercing a lance through her soul didn't look angry or upset, not even in the least bit.

"I'm so sorry that I reacted like that when we ran into Hank." Kara began to apologize.

"I know you are." Lena said plainly.

Kara hadn't expected her to say that. If she was being honest, she was expecting Lena to just stand there and continue torturing her with silence. Not that she would willingly torture Kara, but the blonde struggled to think of what else someone would do if they weren't naturally quick to anger. She knew one thing; She had made Lena sad and she desperately needed to fix it. Kara would go as far to agree to go their separate ways and never see her again if only she could fix the hurt that she'd wrought inside the other woman.

"You do?" Kara asked in almost a whisper.

"Kara, I understand a lot more than you might think." Lena said. She stepped forward and placed a soft hand on the side of her face, and tears began to well at the corners of Kara's eyes. This was not a situation she had ever found herself in before and she found herself emotionally ill-prepared for someone to be so understanding and calm. It terrified her more than any amount of yelling ever could. Kara knew then and there that that kind of scenario, one where Lena yelled at her, could never, and would never exist.

The blonde heaved a sigh of relief. Lena had just saved her several mouthfuls of fumbled words and clumsy apologizing. She felt like she didn't deserve it. "Do you remember last night, at the tide pool—" Kara met Lena's gaze through her misty blue eyes. "When I mentioned the reason why Alex left home?"

Lena nodded. Kara's knees tremored like they might give out.

"It's also the reason why I can't."

Lena furrowed her brow. Kara knew that the woman standing before her deserved an explanation, at the very least. So, she took in a deep breath, and tried her best.

"Something… awful happened when I was a kid. I had this friend—" Kara stopped and crossed her arms. She had to say it out loud, and it was proving more difficult than expected. It was only because she'd never spoken about it with anyone before, not even her own sister, though Alex had tried many times to get it out of her. Lena removed her hand and gave Kara the space she needed to talk.

"We got close. Closer than most friends do…" Kara nodded in a knowing sort of way to which Lena nodded back. "But I cared about her. And then her dad found out." Kara then let go of a breath which she didn't know she was holding. "One night he came onto the ranch and showed up to our house with a shotgun. I know now it was just to scare me, but..."

Lena's eyes went wide with that.

Kara continued, "She was in my room and we weren't doing anything, but she wasn't supposed to be there anymore. She wasn't supposed to be around me anymore." Kara had to push hard on the word "me". A tear streaked down her cheek. "Her dad came upstairs and he took her by the hair and dragged her out of the house. She was so scared and Alex's dad- Jeremiah, he was yelling so loud," She paused to take another gulp of air. "...Eliza started yelling then but I was too scared to come out of my room. The next thing I knew I heard Alex screaming about her dad, and then… Well, then there was just a lot of crying."

Kara caught a sob as it threatened to come out of her chest. "He had a heart attack." Another tear escaped then and tracked a separate wet line down her face. "He died."

Lena's eyes filled with tears of her own. "Kara, it wasn't your fault—"

"Wasn't it?" Kara asked quickly. The lines between her eyes bunched as her eyebrows came together.

"Kara—" Lena tried again.

Kara stopped her. "I can't bear the thought of losing anyone else. My parents, Jeremiah, Alex… There are people back home who want me to think that somethin' is terribly wrong with me, just for bein' alive." Kara's lip quivered. She was frustrated, mostly with herself. "I do know that this is who I am, and that I can't change it, and that I'm tired of bein' scared, but I can't…" She let go of the sob that ached for so long in her chest.

Lena's hands went to Kara's face again then. "Look- look at me Kara."

Gentle palms held her head aloft and urged her to open her eyes again. The red space behind Lena's green and blue eyes glistened, and it broke Kara's heart further to know that she had made Lena cry now… which of course was the last thing that she wanted.

"There is nothing wrong with you." Lena started. "And I know that you know that. You couldn't have touched me the way you did and made me feel safe the way you did if something were wrong with you." Lena's eyes were serious and full of understanding. "There is only something very right with you, and the world is brighter for having people like you in it."

She'd not say it out loud, but Kara wanted more than anything in the world at that moment to believe her. Why did she still feel like she needed convincing? It only made her despair further. She was so conflicted… A lifetime of knowing one thing but being made to feel another. Kara's shoulders shook with long, racked sobs, and Lena tucked her head down into her neck and pecked the side of her face with kisses, moving her mouth next to Kara's ear. "You are perfect."

Kara stayed for another couple of hours and talked with Lena on the love seat in her small beach house before having to travel back home. She shared what it was like growing up with an especially protective and sometimes violent (when violence served) older sister, as well as stories about all the different horses she was friends with when none of the other girls at school would have anything to do with her. She talked about her and her cousin Clark getting into so much trouble that it nearly had Lena rolling on the floor with laughter. Kara realized how it filled her up inside and how happy it made her whenever she made Lena laugh like that. She was good at it. And it suddenly hit her how badly that she would miss hearing it.

"Can I… call you? When you're back home?" Kara asked.

Lena smiled and fluttered her eyelashes at the blonde. "I was hoping that you would."