"That's easy for you to say! You don't live with the knowledge that, every single moment your soul is being eaten away!"
There was venom in the words that were growled out in the Tritails Training, but with it, there was also a deep-seated resignation, as if she had almost given up on life. Eutrope's face was twisted in anger and pain, and it was clear that Yaana and Neyuni were not expecting the outburst from their eldest sister.
Pelhi watched it happen at the side, her arms folded. Her soft cough paused the argument in its tracks.
"If I may, Eutrope," she began, her words pitched as soft and soothing as she could manage with her usual gratingly high-pitched vocal range, "can you tell me about your symptoms for psychonekrosis?"
"And why should I tell you?" Eutrope rounded up to the Warrior of Light, though she made no move to close the sizable gap between them. Not when she was still hurt from the match that just ended.
"Because I'm probably one of the most accomplished healers around this area," Pelhi began, her eyes narrowing as she finally scanned Eutrope's body for the first time, the same way she would scan a patient who came to her for healing, "and one of the few who can empathise with your current…condition."
Pelhi may have had a reputation for smiting enemies with overwhelming magic, if Erenville's comments throughout their journey in Tural were any indication, but within the Scions of the Seventh Dawn, she was actually one of the most skilled healers, having mastered every single form of healing magic she could get her hands on. Really, the only reason why she left most field healing to Alphinaud and Urianger most of the time was because Pelhi was too busy killing whatever caused the injury with extreme prejudice, and they were insistent that she should conserve her reservoir of aether for when she truly needed it. But whenever she was alone, she healed her own hurts as much as she could.
Eutrope recoiled from the scrutinising gaze, but Pelhi did not let up her assessment. On the surface, there was nothing wrong with her body, save for a few stray scars that Pelhi assumed came from her matches within the Arcadion, but once she started feeling out the aether in her body, that was when the symptoms became clear.
Patches of stagnated aether spread throughout the body, small but numerous enough to affect motor functions. Other organs working overtime to compensate for the lack of aether, yet they were failing faster than what Pelhi expected of a healthy and active young Hhetsarro who had not yet seen twenty summers. In fact, Eutrope's aether flowed sluggishly, similar to what Pelhi would see in an elderly person.
"What can an outsider like you know about my condition?" Eutrope demanded loudly. "Psychonekrosis can only be caused by overuse of feral souls, and from what I know, nobody outside the dome uses it."
"Eutrope, please!" Yaana stood in front of her sister, an arm stretched between her and Pelhi. "Don't antagonise someone who's willing to help with an alternative solution!"
Pelhi responded to that question with a sigh.
Despite being ostensibly the Arcadion's top fighter, she really was young.
So to better answer the question, Pelhi instead turned her back towards the sisters, and began pulling off her gloves. They were haphazardly thrown onto the bench, then she took off her coat.
The deep blue scarf around the coat fell off first, followed by the white Asklepian coat, revealing her black hempen undershirt.
The bare back provided an excellent view of the massive golden scar that crossed her back, cracking from the centre and snaking up her neck and down her arms. They glowed faintly within the dim light of the gym, making it all the more stark against Pelhi's otherwise unblemished body.
She did not turn around, but she did hear the sharp intake of air, a soft gasp that could have come from any of the sisters.
"What…" Yaana's words failed her.
"What happened to you?" Eutrope's were calmer, measured, but wary.
"This," Pelhi began, "was what happened when my soul almost imploded. It's the only scar that I couldn't heal."
She turned around to fully face them, her coat abandoned on the bench. Yaana's face was one of horror and pity – a typical response from one who could only imagine the process that led to this result. Eutrope, however, went still. Her eyes were rounder than what Pelhi thought was possible, but the firm set of her mouth told the Warrior of Light that she, at least, partially understood the implications. Their bodies blocked the view of Pelhi's own ghastly scars from Neyuni's view, and she figured that that was for the best.
"...What did you do?" Eutrope asked, her voice soft.
"Tried to take in an entire world's worth of light-aspected aether." Pelhi replied matter-of-factly, then gave a light shrug. "That was too much, even for me." Her point made, she retrieved her coat from the bench. The gym was comfortably cool, and she did not feel shame in revealing her scars anymore, but little Neyuni did not need to see them for any period of time.
"I think you're on the right track, Eutrope." Pelhi continued, her hands still fiddling with the unfamiliar clasps of the coat. She appreciated Koana's generosity in providing her with new equipment, but the small fittings were not compatible with her slightly numb hands. "A soul, in theory, can fix the cracks of your own degrading soul. That, along with my friends, was what helped me contain the light corruption until I could expel the rest right after. But the one who gave up his soul for me…he volunteered for it."
Seto called Ardbert a generous soul. It was only when he brandished his axe before Hades that she realised he meant that quite literally.
"His soul was a fraction of mine in density, but he filled the cracks in my soul that were threatening to burst apart." Pelhi continued as she wound the scarf around her neck. "He was the only reason I didn't turn into a monster right there and then."
She did not want to think about what if she had turned into a Lightwarden. Judging from Eutrope's even wider eyes, she had not considered the possibility of turning into a monster either.
"Your condition isn't as serious as mine was back then, so I don't think you need to worry about turning into a monster, at the very least." Pelhi said as she picked up her gloves off the bench. "But I don't think a denser soul than usual is the only solution to your problem."
She sighed again. She had talked much more than usual, when her interactions with her friends generally consisted of sparse responses and the occasional look, as they had fought alongside each other for so long spoken communication was just superfluous to how they understood each other (even if Alphinaud's ability to volunteer her for dangerous missions still grated her nerves every now and then).
"What I'm trying to say," Pelhi gave one last tug to her gloves, satisfied that they fit snugly onto her hands, "is that I understand your pain, Eutrope. I truly do. Living with the fear that you could die any day and being desperate for any solution that could help is not the way to live." She rose to her full height, her eyes directly locking with Eutrope's.
"But my friends have struggled too much to ensure my survival, and I cannot in good conscience give up my soul so easily."
A/N: This was a little comic idea I had after going through the Arcadion storyline, because I found the psychonekrosis condition and its proposed solution shockingly similar to the light corruption from Shadowbringers. Pelhi is my WoL, with a different name that her in-game name so it could fit into Keeper of the Moon naming conventions. Someone who read my other fic (Being Human) actually recognised my WoL in game last week, which turned into the most surreal interaction I've ever had in FFXIV. While I use the same username across all my socials, I've never really mentioned my fic outside of AO3 and , so it was certainly a surprise to be recognised, but I'm flattered by the support!
Anyway, this story can be considered a rough draft of how I want the comic to go, because I rarely draw comics and I am terrible at planning out panels. At least this way it's a bit easier for me to set the pacing for it. When will I actually finish it? I have no idea, I'm too busy with life and con prep to think about it. But this is out there, and having it written down is better than it being forever stuck in my head.
Lastly, please excuse any mistakes you might find in here. I wrote this out in an hour and it was very much not beta'd. So yeah.