Live and Learn

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Sonic was a bad kid. He knew this to be true. Otherwise, his momma wouldn't have left here all alone. In the middle of the forest sitting on an old hollowed-out log, shoes kicking into the dirt as he waited for her to come back and take him home.

But it was getting darker now, he could almost see the stars, and the breeze was starting to pick up and he felt something wet that he wasn't sure if it was a tear or the beginning of a rainstorm.

And he prayed to God that it was a rainstorm no matter what it meant for him because Momma doesn't like boys who cry. Only bad little boys cried and he was a bad boy and he knew this because he'd been abandoned here and oh my God she wasn't coming back, and this was all his fault and-

She came and got him about twenty minutes later, scolding her son for getting all wet during the time she was away.

But she came back, he knew she would. She must have forgiven him for whatever he did wrong.

What did he do to get such a forgiving mother?

—————

Sonic is a bad person. He knew this to be true.

Why else would he let his little brother get kidnapped by the Deadly Six? Or let Shadow fall to Earth. Or disappear for weeks without telling anyone? Or get captured for six months putting the world at risk? Or- Sonic groaned from where he lay on the couch, face buried into a throw pillow.

Everyone expected him to be their great hero, the epitome of selflessness and freedom when really he just wasn't that great.

He heard Tails' bedroom door creak open as the kit made his way to the kitchen, opening the fridge and setting something on the counter. The clang of pots and pans as Tails went through the cupboard told Sonic the kit would cook something.

He lifted his head just in time to see his brother look at him with a scowl, the ends of his snout struggling into a friendly grin when he noticed him watching. Something in the kit's eyes softened as he took in the rumpled look of his older brother.

"One of those days, huh?" He asked, breaking an egg over a frying pan and letting out a small sigh at the gentle nod Sonic replied with. Sonic put his head back into the pillow as he willed himself out of existence, the sizzling of the frying pan lullabying him to sleep.

Clank.

He awoke to the smell of greasy bacon with a side of eggs, positioned carefully on the coffee table before him. Tails was sitting beside him with his own plate as he slowly sat up on the couch.

What did he ever do to get such a good brother?

—————

Tails has a lot of nightmares. He isn't really sure why. But based on what he knows about the village the kit grew up in, he has a pretty good idea.

Still some nights he wakes up to the weight on his bed shifting as his baby brother slips under the comforter, pushing his muzzle against the hedgehog's chest.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He'd mumble, still half asleep himself. Then Tails would say something but he really wouldn't be able to hear him without removing the kit so he would take it as a no and try to go back to sleep. He never asked him what the dreams were about in the morning, he knows from experience that will only make Tails shut down.

—————

Sonic had a lot of nightmares. He wasn't really sure why.

Maybe it's his diet of leftover Halloween candy in the morning, PB and J in the afternoon, and nothing for dinner. Momma was too tired to cook these days unless Papa was home, but he never was.

Or maybe it was all the zombie movies he watches while Momma naps. The good stuff with all the realistic blood, brain, and guts everywhere. Some people think those are scary. He's seen enough to know that's not true.

True fear came from doing bad things. Because doing bad things got you left behind. And Sonic didn't want to be left behind like they were. God, he misses them.

Sometimes he dreams of them. Sometimes he dreams of them morphing into demons and counting off every mistake he's made until they finally deem him a bad person and damn him to hell.

Hot burning blue flames and asphalt. The cackling of torturers everywhere.

Then he wakes up and tells his momma about these dreams. "The devil is playing tricks on you boy. Don't let him win." Then she turned away to go back to sleep. He knew better than to wake her again, so he left to deal with the devil himself.

"Okay, mommy."

—————

Sonic hit Tails once. Well, he almost did anyway. He got as far as three inches from the kit's muzzle before he stopped his paw in midair.

The kit had been remarkably snarky and passively aggressively insulted Sonic for the fifth time that day.

But really, there was no excuse.

He could still remember the look on the kit's face. The twisted sadness that seemed to radiate from him. The hurt for not just today but every day he'd gotten hit by a bully. And Sonic wanted to take it away so badly, but he couldn't when he was one of the ones who put it there.

He apologized frantically, and Tails seemed to let it go or at least ignore it until their mission was complete. But that tension was still there, he could feel it.

Then a few hours later their mission was completed and the two separated. Then when Sonic met up with him a few days later the kit still wouldn't speak nor look him in the eye.

And he had no one to blame but himself.

—————

Sonic got hit once. Well, it was a few times but those memories were blurry and he always got a migraine from trying to think about it.

Still, if it hurt enough he'd always remember it. Like that time she had her claws out and he had to get stitches.

The way Momma saw it was this; she was the adult and the leader of this household. And he was the small bony little thing that came from her. Therefore, she could do whatever she liked with him.

Still, it hurt and sometimes he could not help the tears that came out afterward.

"Go ahead, cry!" She would say to him. "I'll give you something to cry about you little shit!" Then she'd punch her palm with her fist and her sparkling mulberry eyes would meet his almond until one of them gave up and they could go on about their day.

But still, even when Sonic was alone again he didn't cry. He didn't deserve to be sad. Because Momma was right, and he had no one to blame but himself.

—————

"Shadow, can I ask you something?" It had been a long week battling Eggman, and with the rest of the team out celebrating or cleaning up, it was just the two hedgehogs under the stars and what remained of the moon. Lavender flowers had bloomed this time of year, they gently danced with the breeze as Sonic counted the constellations around them.

"You just did."

"Oh, har he har har!"

"What is it, faker?"

"It's just that... You've made a lot of mistakes... you've teamed up with Eggman and jump-started the end of the world... you've gotten yourself infected with the metal virus... you've- "

"Get to the point." Shadow snapped, still not looking at Sonic.

"How do you..." Sonic watched the way the moonlight danced over his shoes. "How do you not hate yourself for them?" Shadow considered this for a few minutes, the moon reflecting in his crimson eyes.

"You forget- "

"Gee, that's helpful! If only I- "

"Let me finish hedgehog. "Shadow practically growled. "You forget them just enough not to dwell on them, but you keep them posted in the back of your mind so you can learn from them. Try and think about it like a post it note on a bulletin board, you're not going to look at it most of the time, but it's still there to remind you not to mess up again. "

"Does that really work?"

"You're the one that's always saying to live for yourself, so why wallow in things you can't change? Faker, you need to acknowledge your mistakes and keep moving forward. You need to live and learn."

"Huh, "Sonic said as he pressed his index finger to his chin, moonlight dancing around his quills. "Live and learn."

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