Chapter 6: New 'territory'

[29th of First Seed – 6th of Rain's Hand 4E 202]

Together with a larger group of Companions, including the whelps Irene and Erik, I had been in Shimmermist Cave northeast of Whiterun to investigate reports on nightly disturbances and theft from the nearby farms. We had freed two farmhands from the Falmer in there and had found quite a lot of loot, and on the way back Erik from Rorikstead, who had left his father's farm and inn to join the Companions, had been killed by a saber cat. According to Aela and Farkas, which matched my own view, he had thrown caution to the wind more than once, and he had paid for his recklessness with his life. Memories of that event plagued me for a few nights, and once or twice I even had some kind of nightmare.

My companions and I had left the cave, and we had managed to get only minor injuries, which we had easily and quickly healed. The evening sun was right ahead of us, and merrily we started our walk back to Whiterun. Erik was ahead, and he was also the first to notice a saber cat approaching. He called out 'I got it!", and he killed the beast without a problem. A second saber cat was visible on the side, and it passed us not far from me; I played with Hanni and Nanni and ignored the predator, and it headed for Erik as well. The Nord did not see the second cat coming, and I was too distracted to warn him; besides, he was an adult, and he had claimed often enough that he could cope with attacks on his own. Aela shouted out at the last moment, but the saber cat already had him down on the ground. With his heavy backpack and the predator on him, he did not have a chance to get up again. I watched the scene and was getting curious how he'd get out of this situation again. It turned out that he did not; half a minute later he was dead. Well, that was his own fault, wasn't it?

Aela and Farkas glared at me, and the others who were with us avoided looking at me at all. I said 'What?', and Aela told me sternly: 'You were next to him and you saw the second cat coming; why did you neither warn him nor help him?' Farkas chimed in: 'Your behavior was not honorable at all; shame on you!'. What? Now it was all my fault? Why? But suddenly I realized; Erik being arrogant and boasting did not make him ineligible for help, and I had indeed just stood there. Why had I not shouted a warning when there was still time? Thinking about it, that wasn't really like me, or was it? Was I changing? Now everybody was pointing fingers at me, and the walk back to the city might turn out to become something like running a gauntlet. I could already envision Kodlak looking at me and telling me that I was no longer a Companion from that day on. In addition to that, somebody who looked like Erik's father, the innkeeper in Rorikstead appeared seemingly out of nowhere and accused me for encouraging his son to joining the Companions: 'If you had not talked me into allowing that, he would still be safely working with me at home! It's all your fault!'

Still with multiple shouts like 'It's all your fault!' echoing in my head, I woke up, sweating. Hanni and Nanni were next to me, licking my face and hands, and I realized that I had had a bad dream; what had driven me to act like this? The events in the dream had been close to those we had been in recently, but I had not behaved like this. That was not me at all, and I almost trembled when I recalled the events in the dream. I had not had any nightmares for a long time, and I really hoped that this was an exception. Glad to be awake, I cuddled with my saber cats and focused on them for now; that kind of activity at least helped to distract me.

In the evening of the day after I had had this bad nightmare, after a day filled with hard work in an attempt to further distract my thoughts, Antonius, Aicantar and Cinwiril and I sat together for supper, and I told them more about the visit to Shimmermist Cave and our loss of Erik. That specific event still bothered me, and it helped to talk to people who had not been part of that trip. Seeing people I knew getting killed was something I was not used to, but maybe I would have to get used to it; this was a harsh land with many dangers, and I wasn't going to be able to avoid similar issues in the future. However, I'd try my best to protect my friends.

When I had mentioned our encounter with chaurus beasts, I admitted:

"You know, I have no idea what the plural form of chaurus is; is that chauruses, chauri, or something else? I know, it's not really important, but I am curious."

"Wait a second" Cinwiril replied. She walked over to her large chest, searched for something in there and eventually came back with a small book. Showing it around she said:

"One of my friends in Markarth is Kerak, a female Redguard. Her daughter, Adara, is showing skills for good cooking, and they experiment with all kind of food."

"Don't tell me that you can eat a chaurus?"

"Well, actually, it seems that one can, yes, at least some parts. They gave me a copy of that book here - 'Chaurus Pie: A Recipe', written by a cook in Windhelm. I have to admit that I have not tried the recipe yet, but usually I can trust whatever Kerak and Adara recommend. But anyway, if the writer can be trusted, the correct plural form is written here: 'Chauruses'."

"That's a clear hint, at least, thank you. I still doubt that you could make me eat chaurus meat, but at least…" I spent a minute to browse the text "… at least the author got a point: 'If you go hunting for chaurus meat to make some dinner with, make sure you don't end up as dinner yourself. Haha.'"

We all laughed together, and although I could not be sure if this book was usable as reference, I would try to keep the proper plural form for chaurus in mind.

A few days later a cart arrived from Markarth to bring some more supplies Aicantar had requested and ordered. The driver talked a lot while we unloaded the wares from the cart, and he mentioned that there had been a strange visitor in Markarth some weeks ago. She had been a tall young Redguard lady, and she had been seen visiting the Temple of Dibella a lot.

"I am not sure about the details", the good man reported, "but rumors say that she helped the priestesses to find a new Sybil."

"What is a Sybil?"

"They say that a young child is chosen to communicate with the divine Dibella, and that younger girls can better understand her wishes. The previous one had either died or become too old, and people claim that this Redguard lady managed to bring the new Sybil to Markarth on her own, right from the Forsworn camp where she had been imprisoned. Not sure if this is true, but that's what people in the city say. Some even say that she had elvish ears, but that was hard to tell as her ears were usually hidden by her black hair."

I only very vaguely recalled related background and events from the game, but I had a suspicion about the identity of that Redguard lady, and thus I asked:

"Do you know what she was called? Is it possible that her name was Janina?"

"Now as you mention it, I believe that this was her name indeed. Do you know her?"

I nodded, and I quickly turned away to hide my face. Hearing about Janina brought some memories back, and I wondered if I would ever see her again. When I had found her in that cave where conjurers and mages and vampires and such had tried to conjure and bind Potema, I had found myself somewhat attracted by her and to her. We had spent time together until she had recovered from her hardship, and I had gained the impression that she liked me, too. A couple of times I had been close to kissing her, but circumstances had prevented that, which was probably for the best, as I did not really know if she would have liked that or not; it was very possible and even likely that she just saw me as her savior and protector, like a big brother or so, and I might have caught a slap in the face if I had actually tried to kiss her. She had been gone since First Seed, doing whatever she needed to do, probably related to her quest to find out about her past and her destiny. I had to respect that, and there was probably not much I could do to help her with that. So, based on what I had just heard, she had been in Markarth recently, obviously on some quest for Dibella. This Divine had, together with her sister Mara, also appeared in my own vision just before I started my journey into Skyrim, and she had mentioned something about opening my heart and about love. But, open my heart to whom exactly? Maybe somebody whom I could love, too? Maybe I had missed the point, and this would be quite like me. For now, I did not have answers, but rather more questions.

After the cart from Markarth had brought additional supplies and building material, I realized that I'd need to spend extra effort on earning money. The people who worked for me on the construction site expected to get paid on a regular basis, and I needed to generate that money. The loot from Shimmermist Cave certainly helped, but it would not last long. For the rest of the day I took a cart and went south, towards the corundum ore vein southwest of Pelagia Farm. Both iron and corundum were needed a lot by every blacksmith, and while I sometimes delivered a free load to Eorlund at the Skyforge – as he was crafting Skyforge Steel weapons for the Companions for free I could not always charge him – my best customer was Adrianne at Warmaiden՚s. At least once a week, when I was in town, she got a cart full of iron and corundum ore pieces from me and, if she was very busy, I even smelted some of them into ingots at her smelter. Using a forge was nothing I was proficient in; I had learned the basics and could create a dagger or so, but the result was mediocre at best. However, I had learned to operate a smelter properly, and by now I could use it efficiently for iron and corundum at least. Although I was not sure if this applied to other worlds, too, at least here in Tamriel operating a smelter required much less knowledge and expertise than crafting some weapons or armor at a forge. I got all hot and sweaty, of course, but the hot bath in Jorrvaskr was always available for cleaning.

Every other week or so I also visited Riverwood and delivered some raw ore to Alvor, the local blacksmith in the village, but today Adrianne was going to be my customer. The lady was busy again, and I worked the smelter once more. Not for the first time I noticed that the heat required for the oven was created by coal rather than wood, and it occurred to me that I had never thought about the locations where coal could be found. As far as I recalled, there had been no visible coal mines in the game, and coal, at least the black coal, was likely to be found below ground only. On the other hand, I knew that firewood was much more common and easily accessible and used in homes for heating and cooking. I was getting curious and asked Adrianne about that when she had a minute to talk; she replied:

"Yes, coal is, as far as I know, not very common in Skyrim, and it is too valuable to use for anything else but for a forge and smelter, where the higher temperature compared to wood is required. In some regions where not much coal can be found, they pay a wizard to heat the fire magically. Here in Whiterun, not many people can do that, and Farengar is usually too busy for such a mundane task. Of course, Eorlund has no need for any of that, as the Skyforge gets its heat from underground sources."

"Oh, I see."

"But look at that; before you continue with using the smelter, I guess that I need to add more coal now. If the temperature is too low, the ingots will not be good enough."

"Adrianne, before you add coal, let me me see how far I get with my magic, will you?"

"But of course, you are welcome to try!"

I had not done this before, but as I was able to cast basic flames for some time now, much longer than the initial three of four seconds I had managed when I had first seen Alduin in Helgen, I decided to try. I had the fire door open, looked at the mostly burned out coal, and used my left hand to blow flames into the heap. This seemed to work; I could close the door again and continue with my work. When more heat was needed again, I tried a variation and used my tail to blast heat, but the heat intensity from my tail was by far not enough for that. Hm, maybe I could train that and use my tail to replenish the heat while still working with my hands on the smelting process itself? That would be nice!

Not for the first time I noticed that Doria, Adrianne՚s Nord assistant, was looking at me quite frequently. Did she also want to learn how to use a smelter, or did I maybe do something wrong? No, she did not look like she was going to criticize me, her look was more … I was not sure and could be mistaken, but a little bit like adoring? Well, maybe she admired the hard work I could do with my strong body and muscles. I tried to ignore her glimpses as well as I could, but in the evening, when I collected my pay inside from Adrianne՚s husband, Ulfberth War-Bear, I asked him about it:

"Hey, Ulfberth, I have seen Doria looking at me and my work a lot. Do you think that I am doing something wrong or so?"

He looked at me and smiled when he replied:

"My young friend, you are not used to attentions from females, are you?"

"Attentions? What is that supposed to imply?"

"Well, let me be straight with you; that body of yours makes some members of our female population get some ideas, and they consider you as extremely attractive."

"Me? Attractive?"

"Of course not all of them, but there are some among the Nords and other races who would not mind getting a Khajiit lover. Lots of muscles add to that, as I have experienced as well when I was younger and before I got married. Combine that with sweat from working hard, although sweat does not show that much on your fur, and you got it."

I gulped, but it made sense. Women who were looking for a male partner, and probably also some who weren't, might actually like my body. I had not thought about that a lot, and no woman on Earth had ever been spending any effort to educate me on what women liked in men, if there was anything like a general guideline for that at all. It seemed to be logical, though, that the body was the first thing to judge, as this was simply what you got to view first, before you even talked to somebody. I had some ideas about what I liked about a woman's body, at least for the first view, but I had not really thought about what a woman might like to see in and on a man's body. But I had read some books and stories, and yes, a clearly visible 'six pack' had been mentioned. My fur of course covered my chest muscles, but even with the fur I was sure that everybody could clearly see that I had lots of muscles, specifically when I worked on a smelter with 'bare' chest; at the very least, my broad shoulders and strong upper arms could not be missed. Yes, that might indeed be attractive for some women.

"Judged by the way you look, my friend, you really don't have a lot of experience with female attention, do you?"

I was not ashamed to admit that and nodded, and he continued:

"Doria is not the only woman looking at you like this. If you pay attention, you may find others also adoring you."

"Me or just my body, Ulfberth?"

"Excellent question, B'lushona. But, at the very least, if you wanted to get in contact with a female companion and see where this goes, you'd certainly have a few options, and probably not just here in Whiterun."

Suddenly I recalled the events in Windhelm, where Lady Jana, Jarl Ulfric՚s adopted daughter, had tried to get into my bed, and the conversation I had had with my housecarl later on about that. I understood that I probably had options both for 'dating' a woman and for just getting something like a 'one night stand'. Although it was a temptation, I certainly was not interested in the latter, and fortunately my Khajiit hormones were not strongly pushing me in that direction either, but dating might be nice. Last year, I had intended to take Freya on a date, but that had failed due to her violent death on the path to High Hrothgar, protecting the Dragonborn. I would love to date Janina, but I had no idea if she'd ever come back; last I had heard about her was from Markarth. So, I might as well find opportunities to talk to somebody else and just see where that got us.

On the next day, when I strolled through the city, I tried to pay attention to my environment and to people a little more, and indeed, I found more than one pair of female eyes on me. I could not be sure if they were checking out my body or just looking, but some of them looked much longer than what I'd consider 'normal'. But hey, what was normal after all. Doria sure interrupted her work every time I passed, and once I observed her dropping the pelt she had been working on; did she actually drool? In the market area I also saw Carlotta looking at me, but we had known each other for a long time, and I spent some time with her daughter Mila on an almost regular basis. Carlotta was actually a real nice person, and while we had never had a real extended conversation, she was both easy on the eyes and easy to talk to; I hoped and believed that she considered me a good friend, but there was no ambition on my side to see anything more in her. In the Wind District, I noticed one of the female acolytes who was just outside of the temple, and she also looked at me in a strange way.

There might be more, but that was quite an interesting start already, and I was surprised about what I could see if I actually paid attention to my environment, or more specifically, to the people around me. Once again I needed to remind myself that everybody around was a real person rather than a stupid NPC with limited dialog options and no feelings; everybody was an individual with their own thoughts and all.

On the other hand, maybe I just imagined things. On that day, when I went to bed in the shack on my construction site, with my saber cat cubs cuddling up to me from both sides, I thought about that topic some more, and my decision was that Carlotta might be the best choice to get acquainted with, not really for dating, but for having as a close friend; after all, her daughter Mila already liked me a lot, and I liked her as well. I realized that I had talked to lots of people for weeks and months, but with few exceptions, like Ria, most of those conversations had been work related ones. It might not be a bad idea to have a few more people to talk to about more personal topics or even go on a date with, without any obligations.

This was new territory for me, though. Even in my former life dating had always been something I had rarely done, and I was probably horrible on a date; I would have to learn. On the other hand, most Skyrim women I had met so far were less complicated to deal with, at least in my view, so that this might not be so difficult after all. Spending more time with Carlotta and having friendly talks might be a good starting point.

[Author's Notes: Balu certainly is not experienced with female attention and flirting and such. Let's see if he tries to change that.]