Sorry for getting this one out late, I didn't have internet access yesterday. I haven't started the next one yet either, but don't worry, I still plan on getting it uploaded on Friday of next week.
So, for clarification, this chapter is meant to be number 13 instead of the one for "The Turnip Twist," which is why it begins with "Chapter 13" for convenience's sake (The reasoning for that I explained in the author's notes of the previous chapter, which will later become Chapter 18). Obviously, it's not in the right order now, but it will be once I complete numbers 14-16.
In all honesty, this was one of my favorite chapters to write, because it's based on one of my favorite episodes. As someone who is a board game enthusiast and as a person who has endured many intense family game nights myself, I can appreciate what this episode does with the concept of competition and how it can corrupt a person to the point of complete insanity. I also enjoyed writing it because it gave me another perfect opportunity to write the Trio as individuals rather than just one entity that share a single character's lines. As we move forward, I want to give each member of the Trio a chance to play the role of Scratch by himself and in this chapter's case, Stretch is playing the role, as he receives most of Scratch's lines from the episode. I know some people get annoyed that Stretch tends to just repeat Scratch's lines while the other two get more unique dialogue, but the fact of the matter is, I do it this way because, of the three, Stretch is the hardest one for me to write. Stinkie is easy; he likes gross, smelly stuff. His personality begins and ends there. Fatso likes to eat, but he's also extremely cultured, and loves dropping random non-sequiturs. He's not that hard either. Stretch, on the other hand, is just a grouch whose main hobby is scaring humans, the exact same hobby most ghosts partake in. He doesn't really have any other interests beyond that. He has a crush on Ms. Banshee and that's about it.
That being said, I'll keep doing my best to make sure he's not the main focus every time, but just know that's my main justification for giving him the spotlight most of the time. Now with that out of the way, let's get started.
Stretch, Stinkie, & Fatso: Muahahahahahaaaa!
Molly: Can't believe you're all mine
Fatso: Uh, what?
Molly: You and me for all time
Stretch: No way!
Molly: I'm never, ever, EVER gonna be alone again
Stinkie: This stinks!
Molly: It's just you three and me
Fatso: For all eternity?!
Molly: For all ETERNITY!
Stretch, Stinkie, & Fatso: NOOOO!
Molly & Ghostly Trio: It's the Ghost-Ghostly Trio and Molly McGee
Fatso: We've been cursed!
Stinkie: It's the worst!
Molly: Now you're stuck with me
Molly & Ghostly Trio: We're never gonna be apart
Stretch: Is there a way to hit 'restart'?
Molly: Nope!
Molly & Ghostly Trio: We're the Ghost-Ghostly Trio and Molly McGee
Molly: That's me!
Stinkie: Well, that's she. Hee, hee, hee!
Molly & Ghostly Trio: Ghostly Trio and Molly McGee!
Fatso: Oh yeah!
Chapter 13
Games Phantoms Play
It was another Sunday in the town of Brighton. For some, that meant going outside and frolicking. For others, it meant watching TV until their brains fell out. But for the McGees, it meant hard, manual labor, but at the same time, doing it in their own unique way.
"Ladies and gentlemen…" Sharon McGee announced. "Live from the McGee family living room in Brighton's defunct manufacturing district…"
Molly, Darryl, and Pete sat on the floor in front of her and listened with anticipation. The Ghostly Trio, on the other hand, looked skeptical.
"It's Wheel! Of! Chore fun!" Sharon stepped aside, revealing a colorful, homemade wheel divided into eight different sections, each one with a different chore printed on it.
"Yay!" Molly, Pete, and Darryl cheered, while the Trio just stared in disbelief.
"What the heck is this?" Stretch gestured toward the wheel.
"Other than a waste of perfectly good macaroni?" Fatso plucked one of the bits of uncooked pasta off the wheel and ate it.
"It is a time-honored tradition that every McGee must face." Molly explained. "The McGee Family chore wheel! Every Sunday, we gather around the wheel, each of us gives it a spin, and whatever chore it lands on will be our chore for the day."
"Time-honored tradition?" Stretch repeated, raising an eyebrow. "You've been livin' here for months now and in all that time, we've never seen ya use some stupid chore wheel before."
Molly shrugged. "Okay, so maybe we just came up with this yesterday. But it doesn't matter. The point is, this is how we're going to decide our chores from now on. And since you three are officially McGees now, you'll get to partake in the fun, too!"
Darryl slapped on a pair of rubber gloves. "Hope I get trash duty! It's where I get my best blackmail material." he secretly held out an old high school yearbook photo of his dad.
"Trash duty?" Stinkie became excited. "Now that sounds like my kinda job! Sign me up for that!"
Molly giggled. "Uh, it doesn't work that way. You have to spin the wheel and hope it gives you the chore you want."
"Aww…but I stink at roulettes! One time I was in Vegas and I lost everything just 'cause I didn't bet Colonne. And you know me, I refuse to wear that flowery-smellin' stuff."
Fatso chuckled. "Nice wordplay."
Stretch grabbed his brothers by their heads. "Oh no! We ain't spinnin' that wheel, 'cause we ain't doin' any chores! This is your house, you clean it up!"
He pointed at Sharon, who was giving him an extremely creepy stare of disapproval. Immediately, he backed down.
"And there's the death stare ya give us when ya want us to do somethin' we don't wanna do 'cause if we don't, you'll probably do somethin' unspeakable to us and we'd rather not find out what it is, so…yeah, sure. We'll do some chores…"
The Trio slowly backed away from Sharon.
"How does she do that?" Stinkie whispered.
"She must have freaky, supernatural powers." Fatso whispered back.
"That explains a lot."
Molly stepped up to the wheel first. "Okay, here I go!"
She gave it a good spin and it landed on a picture of a closet.
"Closets!" she fist pumped. "Woo! Nailed it!"
Pete went next.
"Carpets? Heh, well, that won't be great for my dust allergies, but it could be worse."
"My turn!" Fatso butted in and spun the wheel. "Ooh, laundry duty? I am pretty good at separatin' darks and lights. Stinkie?"
Stinkie spun the wheel and crossed his fingers. "C'mon…c'mon…"
It landed on the trash can.
"Yes! Trash duty! My rotten luck has turned around!" he pointed a finger at Darryl. "In your face, kid!"
"Yeah, yeah. Just wait 'til next time." Darryl took his turn. "Kitchens? I'll take it!"
Sharon gave it a whirl next.
"Compost duty. Phew…" she wiped some nervous sweat from her forehead.
"Ooh, trade?" Stinkie offered.
"Sorry, Stinkman. Once the wheel's decided, no swapsies allowed. Okay, Stretch. You're up."
Molly pushed a reluctant Stretch up to the wheel.
"Hmph. Whatever."
He seemed uncaring at first, but once he spun, he became very nervous, for there was one chore on the wheel he really did not want to get stuck with. The wheel continued to spin round and round, giving the ghost even more anxiety. Finally, it came to a stop on "Clean Wheel of Chore Fun." He sighed with relief…until suddenly, the wheel moved over to the section with a skull and crossbones.
"No…" Stretch reeled. "No! Not the downstairs bathroom!"
"Yikes, that's like the grossest chore of all." Fatso shuddered.
"Yeah, lucky you." Stinkie commented.
"I demand a re-spin!" Stretch tried to spin the wheel again, but Sharon held him back.
"Too late!"
"The wheel. Has. Spoken!" Molly, Darryl, and Pete chanted ominously.
Stretch slipped out of Sharon's grasp.
"This is an outrage! When we joined your dopey little family, I was under the impression there'd be perks!"
While Stretch complained, the McGees shoved cleaning supplies into his arms.
"Ya know, stuff like unconditional love, free food, and most importantly, schmos who do everythin' for me! It ain't fair!"
"That's what being a family is all about, Stretch." Sharon claimed.
"Yeah, it ain't always fun and games." Fatso agreed, wrapping an arm around Stretch.
"Right. Sometimes it's hard water stains around a toilet." Stinkie joked.
"Well, maybe you're ri-" Stretch suddenly dropped his cleaning supplies. "Wait, what's that? Oh no! The Ghost Council needs me and only me to come to the Ghost World immediately? Ain't that a funny coincidence?" he summoned a portal. "Well, as much as I'd love to stick around and get to work, I got more important matters to attend to. So sorry, be back later, gotta goooo!"
With that, he disappeared into the portal, knocking over the chore wheel in the process.
Meanwhile, the Ghost Council was in the middle of a performance review.
"I'm sorry…" J. Edgar Boover began while talking to the ghost they had just evaluated. "But we have no choice but to send you to the Flow of Failed-"
But before the Chairman could summon the vortex, Stretch barged his way in.
"Out of the way, buster!" he ordered the ghost. "I've got business here, so get in line!"
The ghost didn't seem too upset by this. "Oh, of course! Take all the time you need."
He backed away, allowing Stretch to talk with the Ghost Council alone.
"So, uh, how's everythin' goin' with you fellas, huh?"
The Ghost Council didn't answer him and instead glared at him harshly. Stretch cleared his throat in an awkward manner.
"Uh…got any urgent scares ya need me to scare up? 'Cause I can definitely deliver on that. BOO!" he laughed. "Gotcha! That's how fast I work."
He still did not receive an answer.
"…Or ya know, maybe there's something else I can do for ya. Like, I dunno, I could give ya some spooky makeovers! Not that ya need 'em or anythin', especially not you, Ms. B. Let's be honest, I don't think it's possible for you to get any more intimidatin'." he winked at Ms. Banshee flirtatiously. "Actually, I just realized, it's been a hot minute since we went on a date. How's about you and me go get some ice scream cones later? My treat. Better yet, let's go right now! I got nothin' goin' on, how 'bout you?"
Ms. Banshee squeezed his neck with her fist in annoyance. Stretch coughed.
"Whatsa matter? Ya don't like ice scream? What are ya, lactose intolerant?"
"No." Ms. Banshee answered. "But I am Stretch intolerant. So do me a favor and GET LOOOOOOOOSSST!"
Having made her point, she opened up a portal, sending Stretch back to the world of the living. When he arrived, he landed face-first into the McGees' downstairs toilet. Stinkie and Fatso, having anticipated his return, were already in the bathroom waiting on him.
"Welcome back, Stretch!" Stinkie greeted in a mocking tone, handing Stretch a plunger. "Nice of ya to drop in! Hee, hee, hee!"
"Just in time, too!" Fatso stuck a shower cap on Stretch's head. "Better get to work, pal! The grime ain't gonna scrub itself!"
The younger ghosts headed for the door. Stinkie slapped on a bowtie.
"And as much as I'd love to stay and savor the sewer stench this room has accumulated over the years, I can't help ya. 'Cause I got a date with hot garbage!"
"Have fun, Stretch!" Fatso waved. "We'll smell, I mean, see ya later!"
"HAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Stretch snarled at his brothers' taunting.
"Oh, by the way," Fatso mentioned. "I think whoever used that toilet last forgot to flush."
"Eep!" Stretch flew out of the bowl.
"Psyche!" Fatso guffawed at his own prank.
"Nice one!" Stinkie giggled, before he and Fatso made their exit.
Stretch grumbled. "I am too dead for this…"
An hour went by and yet, Stretch still hadn't even attempted to start his chore. In fact, he had spent the whole time pondering possible ways he could get out of it. The other McGees, however, were all working hard to complete their jobs. Molly was just about finished clearing out the living room closet, stacking the last few remaining boxes on top of each other.
"So many memories, so little resale value…" she sighed blissfully.
That's when the girl took notice of something on the top shelf that triggered even more memories for her.
"Sweet…baby…corn…MOM! DAD! DARRYL! STRETCH! STINKIE! FATSO! COME QUICK!"
The entire family rushed into the living room, Stretch coming in last.
"Huh? What? I was definitely in the middle of workin' just now and totally not slackin' off!"
Stinkie was carrying a full and smelly garbage can.
"Smooth." he told Stretch.
Pete gagged. "Stinkie! You were supposed to take out the trash!"
"I did!" Stinkie explained. "I took 'er to the zoo and we watched the monkeys throw their you-know-what around. We had a blast. Tomorrow, we was thinkin' about goin' to a movie, right Pookie?" he held the can up to his face and nuzzled it.
Sharon was eager to change the subject. "Um…anyway, what's going on, Molly?"
Molly reached up and grabbed what was on the top shelf.
"Look what I found!" she revealed a board game, exciting Pete and Darryl.
"Mega-city?" Darryl cried. "We haven't played that in like, forever!"
"I know, right? I thought we lost it in the move?" Pete recalled.
"It was all the way in the back." Molly informed them. "Almost like someone was trying to hide it or something."
Sharon looked away nervously upon hearing her daughter suggest this.
"A board game?" Stretch scoffed. "Oh please! Who cares? Sounds stupid."
Molly, Pete, and Darryl gasped collectively, along with Fatso.
"Why are you gaspin'?" Stinkie questioned. "You don't even know what's goin' on."
Fatso shrugged. "I jump at the chance to feel included."
"It is not stupid!" Molly scolded Stretch.
"Mega-city is the game that inspired me to become a city planner." Pete stated proudly. "In fact, I might just be the best player in the world."
Darryl rolled his eyes. "Yeah right, Dad. You're not even the best player in this family."
"Thank you, Darryl." Molly bragged. "I have won the most games."
"No way! Check the tally!"
The twelve-year-old boy turned the box around, showing a scoreboard for each family member. The Trio peered over their shoulders so they could look, too. As it turns out, Molly, Darryl, and Pete all had a large amount of victories. Sharon, on the other hand, didn't have a single one.
"Wow, yous guys don't think ya play this game a little too much?" Stretch chuckled.
"Well, not anymore." Pete admitted. "But before we came to Brighton, we used to play every week for Family Game Night."
"Why did we stop playing?" Darryl wondered.
"Isn't it obvious?" Pete gestured to Sharon. "The goose egg over there?"
Sharon gave her husband an offended glare.
"Aw, don't worry, Sharon." Stinkie reassured her, holding out his trash can. "I for one adore eggs. Especially when they're rotten! Smellanie here even uses 'em as conditioner. Just one of the things that makes me attracted to her."
"Thanks, that means a lot coming from you." Sharon replied sarcastically, taking the box from Darryl. "Now, let's put the game away and get back to our chores."
Stretch snatched the game and clutched onto it. "Whoa, whoa! Not so fast! We're just gonna go back to mindless work without even playin' one game of 'Mega Whatever'? Ya know, ya say we're members of this family, and yet we've never experienced the camaraderie of Family Game Night!"
Stinkie and Fatso agreed, even though they didn't have the same motivation as Stretch.
"Yeah, we haven't!"
"I wanna be included!"
"Pleeeaaaase?" all three ghosts gave Sharon big, doe-like eyes.
"C'mon, Mom." Molly encouraged. "You can't say no to adorable faces like those!" she pinched Stretch's cheek, much to his annoyance. "Besides, this will be the perfect opportunity to break our tie and determine who is the ultimate champion of Mega-city!"
"Yeah, game on!" Pete declared.
"Let's do it!" Darryl cried out.
"Okay! There is one teeny tiny problem, though." Molly continued. "There's a limit of four players per game."
Stretch shoved Stinkie and Fatso away. "Then I should be the fourth player!"
"Why you?" Stinkie argued.
"Why not?" Stretch argued back.
"Why…MCA!" Fatso sang. "Everybody now! YMC-hey!" he was smacked by Stretch.
"If ya ask me, the only reason you wanna play is to get out of yer chore!" Stinkie accused.
"What? How dare you! I'm tryin' to prove I'm a valuable member of this family! And what better way than by partakin' in a little friendly competition?"
"You could also prove it by finishin' up the downstairs bathroom!" Fatso pointed out.
"Guys, guys!" Molly intervened. "Let's not fight about it. Stretch asked first, so it's only fair that he should get the first game. Then once we're done, you two can play the winner. Which will be me."
"You wish!" Darryl retorted.
"Fine." Stinkie relented, picking up "Smellanie." "C'mon, fish lips. I got a carton of spoiled milk with your name on it."
"I got some foldin' to do anyway." Fatso followed him out of the room.
"Yes!" Stretch celebrated his little victory. "Let's get started, shall we?" he picked up a game piece. "I call red!"
"Well, actually, that's Mom's color." Molly informed him.
"It's okay, Molly." Sharon claimed. "I don't want to play anyway. I have to finish my chores like a responsible person!"
With that, she stormed outside, slamming the door behind her.
"See that?" Pete noted. "That's how much she hates losing. Still love ya, honey!"
He and the kids laughed, which Sharon could hear from the front yard. She did her best to ignore it while furiously raking leaves.
"Okay, let me give ya the rundown, Stretchie." Molly began. "Mega-city is a lot like real life; you can be nice and still win. See?" she demonstrated by placing two of her green-colored buildings side by side. "I have a cat café and a doggy daycare right next to each other! Harmony and peace forever, baby!"
Pete rolled the dice and set down one of his blue-roofed houses. "Ah, tract housing. Now that's how you build a city."
HONK!
Pete's neighborhood was suddenly blown away by a loud airhorn and after which, Darryl shoved a huge, yellow hotel in its place.
"Goodbye Pete's Suites, hellooo Darryl's Palace! The biggest casino in town!"
Stretch smirked. "Yeah, yeah, just wait 'til ya see the community I'm gonna build, 'cause it's my turn!"
He rolled the dice and moved his piece onto a space on the board, which instructed him to take a card.
"Ooh, it's gold! So, uh, what's that mean, anyway?"
"TOWER OF POWER!" the McGees shouted simultaneously.
"Uh…what?"
Before Stretch could ask any questions, Darryl set a timer and Molly dumped a huge pile of wooden blocks onto the table. Then she, along with her dad and brother began to grab as many blocks as they could and stack them up.
"W-W-What's goin' on here?" Stretch tried to ask, but was ignored. "Am I supposed to be doin' that, too? Hello? Why isn't anyone answerin' me?
He picked up some blocks of his own, only to get them swiped by Molly and Pete.
"Aw c'mon, it's my first time! Have a little leniency, people!"
When time ran out, Pete had the tallest tower of them all.
"In your face!" he said to Darryl. "Thank you, civil engineering degree and crippling student loan debt!"
Frustrated, Molly knocked over her own tower angrily.
"Yeesh…" Stretch winced. "You McGees take this game way too seriously."
At that point, Sharon had come in, having finished raking the yard.
"You have no idea. Anyway, count up those pieces and find out who won, so we can get back on schedule. I'm planning on making my famous chili for dinner."
Stinkie and Fatso reappeared upon hearing this.
"All right! Thanks, Mom!" Fatso acknowledged.
"My favorite! Hey, make sure to pile on the beans this time!" Stinkie suggested, still caressing his trash can. "Smellanie finds me extra appealin' when I'm gassy."
"You are not bringing that garbage bin to the table." Sharon warned.
Stinkie shook his head, holding "Smellanie" tighter. "Fleshies…they don't understand true love…"
Molly, Pete, and Darryl began counting up their scores.
"So, uh…who won?" Stretch wondered. "It was me, right? I bet it was me."
"Oh no!" Molly cried once she finished counting. "It's another tie!"
"That will not stand!" Pete grumped.
"We have to play again!" Darryl decided.
"We'll stay up past our bedtime if we have to!" Molly concurred. "A victor must be crowned…"
"Oh, is the game over?" Fatso smiled eagerly. "Can we play now?"
"Yes, the game is over." Sharon answered. "And no, you can't play now because you all have chores to finish. This is exactly why we canceled Game Night. You all get too competitive over a silly, meaningless game."
"Silly? Meaningless?" Stretch repeated. "This game is the ultimate symbol of fun! The ultimate challenge to prove who's the most superior!"
"The ultimate excuse to get out of bathroom duty." Sharon finished. "Now put that thing away, and then I want all of you back on chore duty!"
The other McGees, as well as Stinkie and Fatso, reluctantly did as they were told.
"Yes Mom…"
"Yes honey…"
"Hey, where ya goin'?" Stretch demanded as they all left. "What about the tie-breaker? You're not just gonna bail on me, are ya? You're nothin' but quitters!"
"That's enough, Stretch." Sharon lectured. "Here, I got something for you that might make your job easier."
"Really?" Stretch became hopeful until Sharon shoved a gas mask into his arms. "Oh, very funny…"
With no other choice, Stretch knuckled down and got back to work. Using the gas mask Sharon gave him, he began pulling hair out of the sink drain. Stinkie and Fatso peeked through the door.
"So, how's it comin' along, Stretch?" Fatso inquired.
"Any progress?" Stinkie teased.
Stretch ripped off the gas mask. "I hate this! This ain't a chore, this is cruel and unusual punishment! Which is fittin' for a cruel and unusual guy like me I suppose, but it's plain torture, ya hear? Why couldn't I get some other chore?"
"Well, 'cause the wheel chose this one for ya fair and square." Stinkie reminded him.
"Yeah, it ain't like ya coulda cheated your way out of it." Fatso added.
Hearing this, Stretch got a devious idea. "Huh…maybe I still can…"
Later on, everyone in the family (except Sharon) had gathered in the basement after Stretch had summoned them there.
"Stretch, what's going on?" Pete asked. "Sharon won't be happy if she finds out we're not working."
"Who cares what she thinks? Besides, we got a score to settle, remember?" Stretch held out Mega-city. "And, I was thinkin', why don't we make things a little more…interestin'?"
Molly was suspicious. "What do you mean, Stretch?"
"Well…this is just a thought, of course, but…how's about the losers having to do the winner's chore?"
"Oh, very sneaky." Darryl complimented.
Stinkie raised his hand. "Question! What if I want to do your chore if ya win?"
"Oh, what? Is 'Smellanie' not good enough for ya anymore?" Stretch taunted.
"She knows we ain't exclusive!"
"Whatever! You and Fatso aren't playin' anyway. Four players only, remember?"
"Aww…" Fatso whined. "Why must board games be so exclusive to bigger parties?"
Pete thought over Stretch's agreement. "Hm…losers have to do the winner's chore…that's a three out of four chance we get extra chores. Sounds risky."
"Whatsa matter, Petey?" Stretch poked Pete's nose. "Afraid ya might lose to a member of the deceased? Sounds like someone doesn't know their civil plumbin' regulations."
Pete gasped in an offended manner. "Oh, it is on!" he shook hands with Stretch.
"Peter McGee!" an angry voice came from above the family.
Everyone looked up and saw Sharon standing in the basement doorway.
"Dang." Darryl complained. "Hiding from Mom is so much harder when ya have to keep the door open for the ghosts."
Pete was not intimidated. "Sharon, you knew I was a thrill seeker when you married me!"
Sharon handed Fatso another load of laundry. "Good luck against these maniacs, Stretch."
"Eh, don't worry about me. Mega-city is a lot like real life; ya can play by yer own rules. Ghost rules, that is."
The game had soon commenced. Molly, Pete, Darryl, and Stretch huddled around the board, all of their eyes focused on one particular space.
"Only one theme park and four of us." Pete observed. "Lotta points on the table. Lotta points."
They gave each other determined stares, each one preparing to make their move quickly. When Darryl rolled the dice, Molly was the first to react, placing one of her ferris wheels on the spot.
"Ha! Too slow! Molly World is open for business, baby!"
But while she was celebrating, she failed to notice Stretch secretly placing houses all over the board.
"Nice one, Moll. I think it's clear who the winner's gonna be." he chuckled, because he knew it was actually going to be him.
As the game continued, Stretch continued to use his ghostly powers to cheat behind the others' backs. His next strategy involved holding his eyeballs in his hand and peeking over Pete's shoulders to see his cards. When Pete turned around, Stretch had his eyeballs back in place and he was whistling innocently. Pete shrugged it off and showed Darryl a card.
"Darryl? I challenge you to a special election!"
Darryl nodded, rolling the dice multiple times in a row, not looking at the board as Stretch replaced all of his, Pete's, and Molly's houses with his own.
"Heh, heh, heh, heh!"
Darryl then drew another card, which happened to be a gold one.
"TOWER OF POWER!" he, along with Pete and Molly, shouted.
This time, though, Stretch was ready for them. Once the blocks came out, he sucked up the majority of them, building a tower that almost reached the ceiling. He then sat on top of it so he could look down on his competitors.
"C'mon, faster! Higher! You can do better than that! Oh, who am I kiddin'? No ya can't! Hahahahaha!"
The others' towers ended up falling over, much to their disappointment.
Molly picked up another card and made a confused face.
"Tornado? I've never seen this card before."
"Oh, it's real, all right!"
Stretch spun himself around, sending all of the other players' pieces off the board and placing his all over it, much to their shock.
"Well, well, well!" Stretch said smugly. "It looks like I'm the winner! Mega-city is mine! How do ya like them apples, huh?"
"He needs to get his eyes checked." Fatso whispered to Stinkie. "Those game pieces don't look anythin' like apples."
Stinkie only facepalmed while Stretch kept talking.
"Now, if I remember right, we had a deal. And since I won fair and square, that means you three have the honor of cleanin' that disgustin' downstairs bathroom while I indulge in some of Sharon's delicious chili and watch ya do it!"
"Why would you watch us?" Darryl asked.
"'Cause I'm a winner! And winners can do whatever they want! Also, you should know by now I find the sufferin' of other people entertainin'."
Molly shook her head. "Wow, Stretch. You are one mean, mean ghost."
Stretch curtsied. "Why, thank you! Muahahahahahaha!"
Sharon growled at the ghost's gloating, angry that he had successfully weaseled his way out of doing his own chore and worse, did it by cheating. One thing was certain, she wasn't about to let him get away with it.
Later, Molly, Pete, and Darryl were hard at work trying to get the bathroom clean, the former scrubbing the toilet while the latter two washed the floors. All the while, Stretch leaned back in a lounge chair watching them all while eating from a bowl of chili. Stinkie and Fatso watched too, occasionally shooting Stretch unimpressed glances.
"I know I shouldn't measure my self-worth based on a board game," Pete started. "But right now, I can't help but feel like a worthless pile of garbage."
"Ahem!" Stinkie cleared his throat loudly, still holding "Smellanie."
"Oh. No offense."
"I just don't understand how Stretch beat us like that." Molly said.
Darryl removed the gas mask he was wearing. "Obviously, he cheated! Trust me, I'm an expert on the art."
"Hey, no chitchat while you're on the clock, losers!" Stretch chided, taking a bite of chili. "Keep goin'! I wanna see my face in that toilet!"
Darryl rolled up his sleeves. "I think we can arrange that…"
Molly held him back. "Stretch? We know you cheated on that last game and we want a rematch!"
"Oh, boohoo. Yeah, I cheated. So what? You already agreed to the terms, so it don't matter anyway. No takebacks! Aw, don't gimme those sad looks. It's just part of bein' a family! Hahahahahaha!"
His cruel laughter was interrupted by a loud, obnoxious squeaking sound. The group turned to see Sharon using a squeegee to wipe down the bathroom mirror.
"Hi, sorry to intrude, but I think a rematch is a great idea. But not with them. I want you to play me instead."
Stretch laughed. "Oh yeah? And why should I waste my time on the one family member who's never won a single Family Game Night? Save yourself the embarrassment, sweetheart. I'd crush you in 30 seconds."
"Is that so? If you're so confident, how about we make a little wager? If you win, you don't have to do any chores ever again."
The others gasped at these terms.
"Hm…" Stretch pretended to think it over. "That is a temptin' offer."
"I thought you would like it. But…if you lose…" Sharon got in Stretch's face. "You'll be on bathroom duty…forever!"
More gasps came from the rest of the family.
"Deal!" Stretch shook his hand. "As if I'd ever lose to a no-talent skin sack like you. Let's make this quick so my chili don't get cold, all right? Not that beatin' you should take very long."
"We'll see about that." Sharon retorted.
"Wait…" Fatso realized. "If it's just Stretch and Sharon playin' that means there's only two players…and the game lets up to four people play at a time…so that means…huh…"
Molly was about to answer for him, but Stinkie covered her mouth.
"Give 'im a sec."
"Oh!" Fatso finally figured it out. "That means there's room for two more players! So, me and Stinkie can play, too! Finally! I feel so included!"
"Okay, okay." Sharon gave in. "You and Stinkie can join us."
"And if I win, I get Stretch's bathroom duties!" Stinkie declared.
"Uh…okay." Sharon agreed with a blank expression.
"Ha! Good luck! You stink at games!" Stretch argued.
"Yeah, yeah, I stink at a lot of things." Stinkie replied. "But stinkin' is what I do best!"
"Um, Sharon?" Pete spoke up. "I admire your enthusiasm, but don't you think it would be better if Stretch played against someone who actually…you know…has a chance at winning?"
"Too late!" Stretch phased his hand through Pete's body so he could shake Sharon's. "You're goin' down, bone bag! Hope ya like extra chores!"
The McGees gathered in the living room and promptly set the game back up. Sharon and the Ghostly Trio sat around the board while the remaining family members observed from the couch. Stretch picked up the red game piece once again.
"Oh, actually, think I could play red?" Sharon requested. "It's kinda my lucky color."
Stretch handed it over without a second thought.
"Sure. It's fittin' for ya anyway, since that's the color you're gonna be seein' after I destroy ya! Meanwhile, I'll go with blue, which'll match the feelin' you'll have while you're scrubbin' that downstairs toilet! Ha, ha!"
Stinkie took the green piece. "I call green! Not only does it go with my eyes, but it also compliments Smellanie's revoltin' hair. Ain't that right, sludge face?" he waved to the garbage bin, which was currently sitting beside an uncomfortable Molly.
"Call me Mellow Yellow!" Fatso stated, holding up his piece.
"All right, all right!" Stretch whined. "We've all made our choices. Let's get this over with so's I can begin my eternity of slackin' off!"
Sharon only smiled and karate chopped the table as she rolled the dice, much to the shock of everyone else.
When the game began, Stretch wasted no time using his "ghost rules" to cheat his way to victory. But Sharon seemed to be on to his little scheme, because each time he tried pulling a fast one on her, she retaliated by being even faster than him. When he detached his eyeballs to look at her cards, she gave them a hard poke, nearly blinding him. When he attempted to replace the other players' buildings with his own, she blasted him with the game's airhorn. Even his "Tower of Power" strategy failed him as Sharon was able to stack more bricks than him without even trying. Stretch was beginning to panic; his pride was finally coming back to bite him as he continued losing not just to Sharon, but to his brothers as well. Before he knew it, he was in dead last.
Givin' all I got to give
Only got one life to live
And the win is on my mind
Don't give me that cheeky grin
Cause I'll make sure you never win
Try to cheat and you'll go blind
(Win!)
(Win!)
(Win!)
(Win!)
(Win!)
(Win!)
Wiiiiiinnnnn!
Finally, the game had come to an end once more and Sharon had dominated the entire board.
"Yes!" she cheered. "Mega-city is mine! Sorry, Stinkie, you won't be savoring sewer stench anytime soon, because it looks like Stretch is on bathroom duty for the rest of his afterlife!"
"Aw…" Stinkie was disappointed but then shrugged it off. "Oh well." he scooped up "Smellanie." "C'mon, baby! Let's go get hitched!"
"I was just happy to be a part of the fun!" Fatso added, following Stinkie.
Stretch was still in disbelief.
"But…but how the-? I don't-how did ya-?"
"Oh," Sharon grinned. "Did I forget to mention I was Junior National Mega-city champion from 1990 to 1994 and then again in '96?"
"What happened in '95?" Stretch asked.
"Disqualified." Sharon slammed the table, crushing a game piece in her fist. "For making my opponent cry! See, I'm good at many things…but board games is what I'm best at!"
Pete scratched his head. "Then…how come you've always lost to us?"
"Simple. I've been letting you guys win this whole time." Sharon pinched her husband's cheek in a condescending way. "The real reason I hid the game is because I didn't wanna cwush your fwagile little spiwits."
Stretch shuddered. "Okay, that word choice sounded intentional."
"And now that I've told you this, I won't be going easy on you anymore." Sharon continued. "So, which one of you dares to challenge me next? Know me! Fear me! LOSE TO ME!"
Molly was horrified.
"Maybe we should hide the game again…" she offered to Pete.
"I'm on it." Pete nodded, swiping the board while Stretch and the kids held Sharon back.
"Fool! You can't evade my skills forever! I will find out where you've hidden my precious baby and when I do, YOU'LL ALL BE SORRY!"
Pete took the game out to the front yard and buried it in a spot he prayed his wife would never, ever find it.
Later on, after all of the McGees, except Stretch, had successfully completed their chores for the day, they gathered in the living room for a special ceremony Stinkie had set up for his "fiancee."
"Dearly beloved," Fatso read from a tome. "We are gathered here today for the union between these two putrid paramours. If their blooming romance has taught us anything, it's that love is not always as sweet as a bouquet of roses. Sometimes, love just plain stinks!"
Pete sniffled and tears formed in his eyes.
"Dad? Are you crying?" Darryl questioned.
"He always cries at weddings." Molly noted.
"It's not that. It's just Smellanie's very thick, onion-scented perfume is getting to me." Pete explained.
"You may now kiss the can!" Fatso declared.
Stinkie lifted up the veil he put on "Smellanie" and kissed her, getting grease and grime on his lips. The McGees shuddered in disgust.
"Eww…"
"Ugh, get a room!"
"How can something be so disgusting and yet kinda adorable at the same time?"
At that moment, Stretch, who had been cleaning the downstairs bathroom the whole time, emerged, looking exhausted.
"Phew…finally done!"
Pete wiped his teary eyes and approached him.
"Thanks, Stretch. I know this part of 'being a family' isn't fun, but we appreciate you doing your part."
"Whatever." Stretch rolled his eyes. "To be honest, it wasn't that bad. But you flesh wads better keep this bathroom clean from now on! 'Cause let me tell ya, what I went through today, I never wanna go through again!"
Just then, Stinkie floated by with his new "wife."
"C'mon, baby! Time for our honeymoon! I know about this porta-potty we can stay in that got great reviews."
Suddenly, the can slipped out of his arms, causing it to spill all over the bathroom floor, much to his and Stretch's horror.
"NOOOOO!" Stinkie cried. "Cod breath, speak to me!"
"NOOOOO!" Stretch wailed. "I just cleaned those floors!"
"NOOOOO!" Fatso screamed. "I dunno what I'm yellin' for, but I wanna feel included!"
Pete, Stretch, and Stinkie gave him awkward stares. Fatso then stood up and flew out the door.
"Uh…is there any chili left?"
Ghostly Trio and Molly McGee!
No joke, when Scratch used the term "flesh wads" in the episode, I squealed because it just shows how alike he and Stretch are. Also, you'll notice I added some of my own lyrics to this episode's song. Why? Simply put, I think it's lazily written. Literally, the majority of the original song is just the word "win" repeated over and over and over. I get it's supposed to be a joke, but needless to say, I didn't find it that funny.
Okay, what's next? "The Don't-Gooder." This might be a hard one, but I'll give it a shot. See ya next time!