Chapter 11 - Call Us Contagious (1:7-8)
Author's Note: Thoughts anyone? :)
~ Amina Gila
I'm on something... hard, and I try jerking, but something's holding me down. "She's waking up," a voice says from very far away. The voice is... oddly smooth – name – name – 02 – what was his name–
Familiar. I can't feel my hands still – they're faint and tingly, but memories are flickering in bit at a time.
Right – Tech. That's Tech. They're traitors. They – I have to – I try moving, to push myself forwards and to standing, to finish the mission but I can't move. My fingers twitch uselessly, and I focus on breathing and trying to get my eyes open and figure out what in the stars is happening.
Everything's quiet, too quiet, and...
Oh, great.
Some genius decided it was a good idea to stun me, and then they tied me to a chair.
Seriously.
That is why I can't move, and I let out a furious hiss when I jerk against the ropes.
Scratch the idea of gutting someone. I am going to gut every single one.
Unless they do it to me first, of course, though for some reason the thought of Hunter stabbing me doesn't feel quite right.
I pry my eyes open, blinking against the dim but still present light. Don't know why I expected something else. I recognize the smell, too, no matter how stale it is. We're in a medbay, and – Wrecker's unconscious on the medtable. Omega's curled up next to him, decidedly miserable. Hunter and Tech are sitting beside him, too, but they have their eyes pinned on me, as does Echo who's standing nearby.
Right, the medbay. We were here to – to –
Stars.
Oh no. Nononono – my only purpose was to serve the Republic-now-Empire and they can't – take that.
"Vision," Hunter says, pushing himself up the moment he sees me stirring.
I snarl at him, and he pulls back, something flickering across his face. "Stay back," I yell, squirming, but that's the most I can do. Well, I could kick him if he came close enough, but I'd probably miss. My arms are tied, so yep, all I can do is squirm.
And I am so, so angry.
"What is wrong with you?" I yell, and the sheer frustration finally makes me snap.
"Vision," he repeats, pausing, hovering a distance back, hands raised. It's cautious, a point that he's not planning to hurt me, but I don't like it anyway. "We're not trying to hurt you."
"Yes, you are!" I yell back, tears burning my eyes. I'm scared and I can't do anything, and it's getting under my skin in a way nothing else can. I hate being helpless. I squirm again, but I can't do anything.
"Viz," 'mega says, jumping up and walking towards me. I flinch back, glaring. She freezes, looking a little stung, but approaches anyway. "It's okay," she tries, one hand touching the edge of my chair. I glare at her, tears burning my eyes. She betrayed me, too, and it's – it's Omega. She's my sister, and I can't... understand how this happened.
We should've stayed with Crosshair, but we left him.
"We're going to help you," she tries hesitantly.
Tech stands, crossing the room out of my line of sight. My eyes narrow, and I whip around to face Hunter again.
"This isn't you," Hunter tries again, stubbornly, and it – it's Hunter, who has always helped me, but he's not now. He's not, and it hurts. I really just want to cry. "We're gonna help you."
"I don't need help," I snarl, jerking against the ropes again.
The calm look on Hunter's face shudders for the first time, hurt burning in his eyes. He's hurting too, and I hate myself for being angry that I caused it. It's Hunter, and he's supposed to take care of me, so why isn't he doing that?
"You shouldn't have left," I add sullenly. Crosshair was right.
"Every choice you've made since Kaller has been wrong."
"You're becoming a liability."
Omega's hand tightens over the edge of my chair, and Tech approaches me. Oh, great. He's gonna sedate me. Or try to. I twitch back when he comes closer, hissing. I jerk forwards and try to bite his hand once he's close enough, and it's ridiculously satisfying to see how fast he jumps back.
"Viz," 'mega says, voice desperate, but I – I can't. I know what she's asking, what they want, but I can't – can't – they can't take what makes me useful –
"Vision," Hunter says again, and I turn back to him in favor of glaring at Tech. He's close, too close, and I can't move. I used to trust him, but I can't now, and it just... hurts. "We can make this better. You just need to let us try."
I glare at him, tears burning my eyes, so I probably don't look half as scary as I'd like to. He's being genuine, and I know that, but I'm so, so angry. I twitch when Hunter touches my shoulder, his hand warm and lingering, but present. Grounding, as he always is.
"Is... that something you'd be willing to let us do?"
I don't trust him, but it's Hunter and he's always been able to make things alright. I nod against it, leaning closer, desperate for some semblance of comfort and warmth and belonging even if I know that wouldn't be here. He touches my cheek, and I feel the warmth of his glove on my skin. I can't see him, but I can sort of See it as he nods to Tech, who steps forwards again.
That's an awfully convenient way of keeping me still, I think grumpily at the sudden spike of pain in my neck. Also? I hate needles with a passion, and whoever thought long, sharp, pokey things was a good idea even more.
**w**
When I finally blink myself back to wakefulness, the first thing I register is the light happily murdering my eyes. I throw an arm over my face with a groan. Ow. Honestly.
"Vision!" Omega's hanging over me, and I lower my arm, blinking awake. Everyone's crowded around me. Omega's half on the table, and Hunter's beside her. Wrecker's hovering right behind her, and I –
He was fighting me, and he tried to kill me, but I... I did the same to Omega. What did I do? What –
Stars.
I can't look at her. I can't – anything. I hurt her. I was going to kill her. I would – would have. How can everyone act like everything is fine?
Finally, I gather the energy to swing myself off the medtable and climb into Hunter's lap. I saved his life earlier. Saved him – from Wrecker. From our brother. And I can't... think about any of that. I can't think of anything except how I was about to kill Omega and that I can't stop expecting myself to lash out at someone else.
There was that urge, that need, and I can't stop expecting it to come back in. I was so angry, and I'm never that angry, no matter how annoying people are being, at least not at my family.
Hunter will protect us. He'll... stop it. Everything makes sense with him, and I cling to that, to him, as tightly as I can. I need it. Him. Desperately.
Hunter's hand is on my back, steadying me and holding me close. I'm clinging to him, arms wrapped around his waist, and it's a blatant reminder of how tiny I am, though I need someone to hold me right now.
I inhale in a shuddering sob, shaking.
Omega was there, and I was just going to shoot her as if she didn't take care of me, as if we weren't sisters. Because that's what I was told to do, and I was gonna do it even if I knew it was wrong. They can say it wasn't mean, but it felt like me, and I couldn't –
"Kid?" Hunter asks uncertainly.
I shake my head, not wanting to talk, just clinging. Hunter's the one who always makes things better, and that's all that I care about right now. I would've – I don't know how I could have done that, but I was about to, and I can't fix it.
I can hear the others moving closer, feel Wrecker's hand on my shoulder, but I can't move for anything. I trust Hunter to protect me in a way I don't anyone else, trust that he can protect us from each other and me from myself if he has to. He always knows what to do.
"Give her time," Rex says, "We need to keep going."
I feel Hunter shifting, but he doesn't move to get up, wrapping an arm around me and pressing me close. My face is squashed against his chest plate and I'm facing him in a way that's not exactly comfortable, but I don't even care.
I was going to kill Omega.
Stars.
What is wrong with me whatiswrongwithmewhat-
I hear Echo talking, offering to be next, but it doesn't matter.
That was Omega and she's all I've had, and I was gonna...
I don't think I'll ever be able to un-see the terrified, hurt look on Omega's face. (She threw my knife at me, and she could've missed, and it would've killed me, and I have no idea why that hurts, because it was my fault anyway.)
The "please stop you're my sister" is still ringing in my head, and I don't think it'll ever stop.
I cling tighter, Hunter's hand lightly stroking my hair.
It's been a while, and I hear beeping of machinery in the background. I'm tired, too, and some of my exhaustion is catching up to me. I shift a little, and Hunter keeps me steady when I swing sideways and curl up against his chest. My right arm is squashed between us, but at least he doesn't seem to have issue with snuggling right now.
Wrecker was about to strangle him to death.
Does he have bruises from that? Does Tech?
I reach up, left hand lightly resting on his armor, just... here.
Hunter means safe, and he always has. His vambrace is cold – cold and hard and poke – but it's him, and nothing else matters.
**w**
When I wake up again, I'm lying on the edge of the medtable, being that's the only not-floor thing around. I don't remember falling asleep, but I must've cried myself out and drifted off sometime. There's movement – I'm not alone, though the room somehow feels emptier.
I twist over, propping myself up and blinking at the emptiness.
"Vision?" Hunter's the first to come into view, a look of mild concern on his face.
"Hey," I croak. "How long's it been?"
"A while," Echo answers, and he and Tech circle around. They're in all their gear again, and I can see the bandage on Hunter's head. All the surgeries must be done, and I reach up to touch my own. It feels weird, and that's when I realize my head-thingy's off.
I look up, eyes falling on the blue cloth. I reach for it, and Hunter steps forwards.
"I can uh – take care of it," he offers, and I give him a nod, swinging around so he can tie it on. "Rex is gone," Hunter continues, combing his fingers through my forever-messy hair and tying it on.
"Where're Wrecker and Omega?" I ask, even though I don't really want to see them. I do, but I don't, because I'm afraid to confront what happened. It's still lingering perpetually in the back of my mind, not stopping.
"Wrecker took her out to teach her about explosives."
I feel it when he finishes, but I don't move. Don't really want to. I'm not tired exactly anymore, but that doesn't shake the bone-deep exhaustion. I don't know what to do with the crushing depression and fear eating me inside out. I came so close.
"I will take you for the reason that your blaster was hanging from the ceiling," Tech says, and that's the first thing to make me crack a smile.
"I really could use that grappling hook," I agree, "I sent 'mega up to knock out Wrecker." Probably, I should've listened to Hunter and stayed, but at least we're all alive now? I don't know. If I hadn't gotten there when I did, it could've been too late, and I can't imagine that. We need Hunter.
I'm a little surprised Omega didn't insist on staying with me, but after how I reacted to her earlier, I can't blame her. Does she... is she alright? Is she angry at me? I can't quite imagine that, but if she was...
I tug my knees up, wrapping my arms around them and leaning forwards.
"It wasn't your fault, Vision," Echo says, and he's standing at the end of the table. "It isn't something you could control." Rex said the same to us, earlier, but he doesn't understand.
"You don't know that!" I accuse, jolting to my feet, and probably, throwing a mini-temper tantrum after earlier is a stupid idea, but I can't help it. "It didn't happen to you! You wouldn't know."
"I know, to a point, what that feels like," Echo objects, and I jolt back. "When I woke up after Skako Minor, I knew I'd been helping the Separatists. I couldn't control it, but I killed my brothers. I don't know how many, but I do know if I could have stopped it, I would have. And that... has to be enough."
I bite my lip, looking away. He's... right, though I don't really understand it. I never thought myself capable of violence, not like that. It might not have been my fault, but it doesn't change what happened, that I hurt Omega. My sister.
"Why was it so different for Hunter and – and Omega?" I ask. "If it's... not something I control?"
"I can theorize," Tech replies, sitting in the chair nearby. This won't be a long conversation, so probably a wise idea. I settle down myself, though Hunter and Echo stay standing beside me. "It alters the neurological pathways in the brain, and thereby –"
Blah, blah, blah. The only word I can make out is neuro-something, and I have no clue what it means. "I can't understand any of that," I whine as he continues into a long string of words that make me feel cross-eyed. I look imploringly up at Hunter. "What does that even mean?"
"It affects your thought process," Echo explains, "Though it doesn't change who you are."
"But it was still in there. How do I know it can't... do anything anymore?" I ask.
"The connections were broken with its removal," Tech replies, "There is no need for concern."
"Are you sure?" I have to know, because I – I need to be able to stop worrying. I don't want to live my life in constant fear of... hurting everyone I love.
"Well, of course, I am certain," Tech insists, adjusting his goggles. "You are immune to any further affects it could have had."
"You're amazing," I tell him, and stars, I cannot believe I am saying this. It's not like he needs an even bigger ego.
Hunter chokes on a laugh beside me.
Tech twitches back, blinking. "I... would not quantify intelligence level as 'amazing', but I agree."
I laugh, a flare of pure adoring amusement flaring up inside me, and I jump at him. Tech yelps ungracefully when my weight smacks him into the back of his chair and I wrap my arms around his neck, attempting to balance myself in his lap, so I don't fall off backwards and crack my skull open on the medtable behind me. Probably, Hunter would catch me, but I'm not tempting fate.
Hunter bursts out laughing, and it warms something in my heart I didn't know was missing. I haven't heard that in... a while. I've nearly forgotten what it's like to be carefree.
I'll be okay, though. I'll be fine if Tech is right. He knows how they work, and it's Tech, so he knows what he's talking about.
Reality comes crashing back in only moments later, and I hop off the chair onto the ground, but I'm still more settled than earlier.
"Why was it different?" I ask again. "I don't really understand."
"Perhaps because you haven't known him as long," Tech answers, standing. He still sounds mildly disgruntled, and well, that's the closest to an apology I'm getting. Of all the things that happened, trying to bite him is the one I do not feel bad about.
"Why would that change anything?" I know I feel... a blind sense of devotion and loyalty towards Hunter, but Omega and I do everything together.
"The longer you know someone, the more it feels like they should know you," Echo answers, and my gaze jumps to him. "It's different, if it's someone we're still getting used to."
That sorta makes sense. I'll just right off guess that he knows because he's been in that place before. It was... difficult to adjust to Echo being there. I remember that, was through with it, and I don't think my background chaos helped them much. "I still shot at Wrecker," I add dismally. "That was me." I hadn't even been thinking about it – it was on pure instinct, even if I knew what I was doing.
"You didn't have a choice, Vision," Echo points out. "Just like when we escaped Kamino."
Speaking of Crosshair, I feel a prickle of something. "I think we're gonna see him again," I blurt out, because somehow, I just know. "Soon."
Hunter freezes, looking at Tech, who looks just as alarmed.
"Echo," Hunter orders, a faint sense of urgency layered in his voice, "Go get Wrecker and Omega. We should clear out."
Echo nods and takes off.
I bite my lip, hating the sense of wrongness at being afraid of Crosshair. We shouldn't have to be afraid of him, but here we are. I'm just afraid of what'll happen when we see him again after what just happened with Wrecker and me.
"Here," Hunter adds, holding my bow out to me. Yeah. I don't have my weapons yet, but at the sight of my bow, for as damaged and unusable as it is, I flinch back.
"I – it's broken?" I offer in a jumble ramble of words. "I can't use it anyway. I don't – I don't want it."
"It's yours," he replies, visibly confused.
I back away, shaking my head. "That's – the – I was gonna –" I don't know how to say it. I was about to kill Omega with that thing. I don't want to be anywhere near it.
Hunter and Tech exchange glances.
"We should take it back to the ship, either way," Tech replies, "In a potential situation where Omega's is damaged or misplaced."
"Would you be alright with that?" Hunter asks me, crouching to touch my shoulder. I instantly lean into its warmth and comfort.
"Sure," I whisper numbly, unmoving when he slides it back into its slot on the strap I wear for it, identical to 'mega's. I don't want it, but they're right, and there's no reason to get rid of it, even if I never touch it again.
**w**
There aren't many scrappers, but Wrecker and Echo have already dealt with them when we arrive. We stick them in binders and dump them outside. Tech takes off for the bridge, because something-something information is important, and the rest of us go to the armory.
It's the first time I've seen Omega, and she looks at me with visible worry. I'm not ready to talk about it yet, so I just grab her hand and we follow Wrecker. He's giving me the same look, but we can talk later.
"Vision, Omega, I need you up on the bridge," Tech tells us, and I run for dear life as Wrecker starts snuggling with a proton torpedo.
Stars, did he just kiss the thing?
Help.
"Vision?" Omega asks shyly.
I should probably have thought better than to go alone with her, but... I hate myself for feeling like this. We always used to do everything together, and I miss her already. "Mm?" I ask as we move. It's so dark, even if the power's back on, which is ridiculous. I wish I had a flashlight, but it feels too stupid, so I don't bother. We have a long way to go though, so it's a good thing I know my way around these things.
Somewhat.
"Are... you okay?" she asks quietly.
I sigh. "Are you?" I'm not. Not at all, but I don't want to think about it. I'm holding her hand, and the glaring difference in our sleeve-colors is obvious. Mine are red, like normal cadets, and Omega's are the pale aqua that Nala Se wears. We used to dress the same when we were younger, but that's changed with everything else.
"Yeah," Omega says very unconvincingly, and I bite my lip sharp enough to taste blood. Ew.
We're alone together, and it reminds me of when we last were. That was – I don't want to think about it. It could've gotten much worse than it did, and I can't imagine what I would have done if I did go as far as hurting her. I pick up pace a little, even if I don't want to, because no matter what Tech said, I can't stop being afraid.
The thing isn't in me anymore, can't make me do it, but it felt just like me. Nothing about it seemed unreasonable, or anything other than what I've always been, so I can't... tell what's real from fake anymore. And it scares me. I can only try telling myself it'll be fine, that Hunter will fix it, but I still don't think this is something that can be fixed.
I'm walking fast enough that I smack into something in the doorway – the cruiser isn't entirely straight, and I entirely blame it on that – and I yowl, letting go of Omega in favor of checking to make sure I still have a foot.
Which I do, even if it hurts.
She throws me a worried glance, steadying me when I hop after her.
"I thought the lights were on!" I whine.
"The power has been restored," Tech calls from where he's lying under one of the control panels.
"Apparently, not enough!" I scowl.
"How's it looking?" Omega asks, approaching him, and I stumble after once I make sure my foot is in walking condition. Still hurts though.
"We're in luck," Tech replies, scooting out from under the panel. "Whoever scuttled this ship didn't wipe the hardware's data imprint. I'm transferring the files, but I still need to copy the master drive. It's under that panel." He gestures towards it while passing the datastick to Omega.
"Whadya want us to do with this thingy?" I ask, moving over to the panel. The faster we get outta here, the better.
"If you plug it in, the transfer should begin automatically."
"'If' is a good word," I snip, walking over to it and crawling underneath. I have no idea what I'm supposed to be looking at, but I raise a hand, trailing it over the metal, and just like that, my vision forward-tunnels into something else.
Crosshair walking through lines of the regs, their armors painted a boring white.
"The scanner's not working," someone says, "There's too much atmospheric interference."
"No, you're being jammed. They're still on board." He pauses, yanking his helmet on and drawing his rifle. "Take a shuttle and find their ship."
I jolt back, gasping, something metal clanking next to me as I fumble for my comm.
"Vision!" Omega yelps, and I can hear her practically right beside me, though I can't stop to think about it.
"Hunter!" I yell, "We have to get out of here, now!"
"What's wrong?" he asks, voice crackling over the line. "Did –"
"Crosshair's gonna be here any moment. We have to go. He – he said we're still aboard. We hafta –"
"There," Omega's voice says, freaked out, "Three ships."
"Three attack shuttles," Tech reports, "It's the Empire."
Stars.
It's happening. I've wanted to see Crosshair so badly, and if we were under any other circumstances, if I weren't so shaken up by what happened to both Wrecker and me, I'd be demanding we drag him with us. Not now though. My instincts are demanding that we run, and that's all I can think of doing. I already nearly lost Omega. I'm not going to risk losing someone else right now.
Omega sticks her arm under to shield my head before I can inevitably crack it up – two major brain injures-whatever is too much for even me in one day – and grabs my hand when I duck out. She yanks me upright, and Hunter's already sprinting into the room.
That was fast.
I back up, panting a stumbling a little, shaking myself back to present.
Hunter's watching through macrobinoculars. "It's Crosshair, all right," he says shortly, and I back up, hissing faintly.
"He can't see us from here, can he?" I squeak. "Do we need to find cover? Right – he can probably see us better than we can him."
"He won't be able to detect us. I'm blocking their scanners," Tech offers, waving his datapad like it holds answers to all of life's questions. As if.
"It's Crosshair," I point out, "We gotta go." I grab 'mega's hand, and we make a break for the doorway. It feels wrong to run from Crosshair, but just like back in Kamino, just like every other time we end up in a tense situation, adrenaline is coursing through my veins, and I just need to move.
**w**
"Talk to me, Tech," Hunter requests, and I gape at him.
"Did you just ask him to talk?" I squawk.
"I'm trying to tap into the regs' comms so we can monitor their movements," Tech replies, ignoring me entirely as he usually does.
There's a distant thumping and Hunter shines his flashlight around a corner, then pulls back, motioning for us to stop. We duck up against the walls, and I press closer to Hunter instinctively in the desperate hopes it'll help.
I was really, really hoping to get more time to think this through, to figure this out, but that's not something we're getting the chance to do with the Empire on our tail. I don't even know how they showed up here. Scrappers spotted us earlier, but I can't imagine how Crosshair could be here already.
Is he as lost and scared and alone as I was? I want to help him, but I – I don't know what to do.
Some people pass us, and we stay in dead silence, waiting.
"I'm in," Tech says a moment after they leave.
"All squads," Crosshair's voice crackles over the datapad, voice staticky but there, and it's so close I nearly jump when I hear it. That's it, it's him, the brother I've missed so much.
"Yes, sir," a reg's voice responds instantly.
"Push the targets towards the hangar. We'll pin them down."
My gut flips at hearing him talk about it so flippantly, the same way I was thinking about killing Omega earlier. He can't help it, and I know exactly how he feels. I wish someone could've stopped me, no matter what it took or how hard it was, and I know Crosshair would want the same. He'd want us to go, if we could, before he could hurt us.
"Aren't we headed to the hangar?" Omega asks, freaking out.
"Vision, what do you see?" Hunter queries, turning to me after a moment of consideration.
I close my eyes, laying a hand against the metal wall. Touching something as I try to focus on it usually helps me fall forwards in time. I close my eyes, slowly breathing in and out and trying to focus, like Hunter taught me.
He has to do that sometimes, to cope with his own overwhelming senses. I can't really understand how his work but it's not really something that can be explained. I've tried for ages to teach Omega what I can do, but it never works for her. She can pick up random things sometimes, but not the way I can.
There's vague flashes, bits and pieces of things I can't really make out. I hear Omega crying Hunter's name, desperate and scared. I see an explosion, feel air whipping past me as I fall – stars, I really do love falling – and then... there's a flash of blue fire. Not quite the same as what I dream of so often, but still there.
I pull back with a quiet gasp. "We're gonna see him, no matter what we do. We just need the fastest way out."
"Then we'll cut through the artillery deck," Hunter decides, and we move out.
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