Kai POV: I headed towards the infirmary while keeping an eye out for the others. The last thing I need right now to make them worry about this. But I still can't believe that I did that in front of Cole. I can't even remember the last time I scratched that hard, and yet I did it now. At the worst possible moment. I thought I had it under control again, but I guess not.
Finally, I got there, and no one else was there. At least that was going right. I walked over to the cabinet and rolled up my sleeve. I opened one of the scars there, but only by a little. It didn't take a lot of bandages to patch it up. I rolled down my sleeve and sighed. That was the easy part, but Cole is still going to ask questions. Questions that I really can't answer without reliving it all. Which is the last thing I can handle right now.
I shook my head and went to leave. But when I closed the door behind me, someone said, "Kai."
I jumped and spun around to see Master Wu standing there. I sighed a little and said, "Sensei, I didn't see you there."
"I can tell. You did not hide your reaction." He simply stated, and I laughed nervously.
"Yeah, sorry about that." I said, but he just shook his head.
"There's no need for you to apologize." He said, then he glanced at the door. "Have you finished taking care of your wound?"
How did he know that? Did he talk to Cole? I didn't trust my voice and just nodded.
"Then, would you come with me?" He asked, motioning down the hall.
I really did want to, but I do know that I can trust him not to pry at me. So I ended up nodding again, and we walked in silence. Just silence, walking side by side, nothing else. I thought for sure he would say something, or maybe he was waiting until we got to wherever he wanted to go? But I'm definitely not going to break this first. The silence is better than the alternative.
Eventually, we got to his room, and once inside, he motioned for me to sit at his table. I did what he wanted as he started making some tea.
Finally, he said, "I had a word with Cole before."
So I was right. Perfect, just perfect. "What did he say?"
He didn't answer right away because he finished the tea. He gave me a cup and sat down across from me.
He took a sip before saying, "He informed me of the details concerning your last mission. As well as his concerns."
"I… see. But there's really nothing to worry about, though. Everything's fine." I responded. Wu probably won't believe it, but I had to try.
"Perhaps, or perhaps not." he said, then taking another sip.
"What do you mean?" I said, trying to keep my hands from shaking. I really want this to end already.
He looked at me right in the eyes and said, "Kai, you are clearly not as fine as you say you are."
"But I am. I just got… knocked over. Give me a day, and everything will be back to normal." I tried to sound relaxed and took a sip of the tea. Maybe that will get me out of here.
"Yes, you will go back to your normal." He stated, now confusing me.
"What?" I asked, mostly reacting to him.
"Your normal includes hiding what hurts you. What makes you afraid and vulnerable. Am I right?" He said.
Instead of answering, I take another sip. Why can he see right through me? I hate that. Which isn't helping the shakiness I feel coming.
Wu sets down his cup and continues, "It is never wrong, or weak, to admit when you are having a bad day. It only makes you stronger."
Again, I didn't say anything. Mostly because I know he's wrong. And that's because he hasn't seen my bad days.
"Perhaps it's time for you to admit the source of your anguish. So that you can stop fighting alone." He said, again confusing me.
"What do you mean, fighting alone? I normally don't fight alone." I asked, and he sighed gently.
"You have, and you are. Simply by how you say everything is fine. You fight your memories and push down the feelings they invoke. That's the battle you are fighting alone." He explained, and each word wore me down.
I just stared at the cup in my hands. I see what he's saying and how right he is. But at the same time, I wish he wasn't. I wish he was wrong do badly.
"But I've been fine. All this time, I've been fine." I whispered, hating how childish I sounded.
I wasn't really talking to him, but Wu said, "Not really. You've only avoided what was bothering, but that won't help in the end."
I looked up at him, and he continued, "Wounds can't stop bleeding unless you press it, and yes, it will hurt, and there will be pain. But the bleeding will stop, and the wound will heal. It's the same with painful memories and difficult pasts. Once you can let those memories out, once you speak your truth. Only then can you relieve your pain and heal from the past."
I still didn't say anything. I didn't know what I could say. Eventually, though, I stood up and said, "Okay, I… need to think about it."
He just nodded, and I left. I didn't bother looking around. I just wanted to get to my room. I closed the door behind me and leaned against it. And I slowly slid to the floor. Master Wu's words hit me hard, and I just feel worn out now. But I still pulled my knees to the chest and laid my head on them. Would it really make things better? Would talking things out make this weight go away.
But how can I do that without seeming weak?