Alastor watched as the boy woke in the room. "So, you finally got out of your finger sandwich scare?" He chuckled. "Your eyes became so wide …"
"They tasted so good … I thought it was just really fancy pistritto…." The boy asked in a daze. "Why would she feed me real fingers…"
"Because they're a delicacy, my dear boy, or did the fact we were having lunch with the overlord of Cannibal town not tip you off?" The young Suzuki was proving to be entertaining on MANY fronts. From his complete fish out of water experiences living in hell, to the genuine naivety at the horrible situations before him, to even the small bits of optimism the boy had that got crushed and crumbled into itty bitty bits of despair.
It's been so long since Alastor has seen anyone in hell that wasn't completely evil … oh the joys to be had. "Alright … just have to accept eating humans as the only thing I'm getting." The child muttered to himself. "Are we going out again … to your job or …"
"Well, first of all, everyone down here, barring you, is a demon, and believe me, that tastes FAR differently than human flesh." Alastor corrected. "And second of all, I have one or two favors and deals to cash in and reinforce, but don't think that this will be an easy day for you, Suzuki."
"I didn't think so." The child shook his head with an expectant groan. He was learning quickly, that would serve him well.
"Good, because given your rather uneducated look perspective on the in's and outs of hell, I believe a small tour of the pentagram would serve quite nicely." And lead to a comedy of error that'll keep Alastor laughing until morning.
"Oh.. so just.. Walking around the city?" The boy titled his head.
"Yes, but not with me." He shook his head. "I believe it's time I call in some help." With a snap of his fingers, the shadows got to work dragging his two favorite demons into the room.
"-And then I said fuck off you mose faced bitch, I aint into whatever kinky crap you're…" The lovely voice of his dearest friend Husker was in the air as he drank a whole bottle of booze. "... FUCK! You're still kicking?!"
"Good to have you back, Husker my pal!"
"One, it's HUSK! Two, I ain't you pal, you shit spewing cheap radio show host! Do I look like a house pet to you!? Someone you can call whenever you want?!"
"Yes, pretty much exactly that, dear friend." Alastor cackled. He let the man curse him because both of them knew it meant nothing in the end, not with how low the former overlord fell. "As someone with your illustrious history in hell, I felt like you would be the best suited to help out the new help get more acquainted with his time in hell."
"New help …" Husker turned to the young Suzuki. "... You got a fucking kid under contract? Could have sworn you had more goddamn class."
"At least he's taller than Nifty. Speaking of which." He snapped his fingers as the woman popped out of the oven. "Wow, already preparing a meal! I knew there was a reason you're the best servant in the business!"
"Al, you're back!" The darling little girl shouted in delight as she crawled all over his body. "Where have you been!? Did you die?! Is that a new haircut or did you just get more blood covering your face YOUR place is so dirty it's been so long since I've cleaned it don't worry I got it!" Nifty said in that lightning speed voice as she quickly zipped and feather dusted the entire place.
"This is gonna be fucking fun." Husker said sarcastically, downing the bottle.
"Indeed it is!" Alastor let the laugh track play as he put all three of his servants into a group hug. "Now Husker, Nifty, this boy right here is Iruma Suzuki. He's a live human damn down to hell, and my latest personal pet project. I need you two to give him a quick tour around the pentegram while I see to more important matters.
"Ooooh, live human! That's gonna be fun!" Nifty cackled with glee as her eye scanned him over. "... Bit of a wimp though. Barely any muscles, and his face is too boyish for any badboy charm."
"Hey, I get my cardio in." The boy pouted as he looked at the two. "So … I'm not the only one stuck working for you?" The boy asked.
"Nah, Overlords get their powers through owned souls." Husker explained as he drowned his miserable soul with another bottle. "He's got butloads of servants under his rule for his level of power. Me and Nifty happen to be his favorites ... For whatever fucking miserable reason that is." Because the contrast between obedient frenzy and wild card calm was always amusing.
"I never sold my soul. I work with Alastor because he promised me lots of pain and screaming." Nifty giggled. "And I see that … every day….."
"...I feel more threatened by her than Alastor somehow.."
"Careful now, young Suzuki, or I'll take that as a challenge." He wouldn't be upstaged by anyone, no matter how low on the totem they were. "Anyway, I'll leave you to get acquainted. Tootloo." Alastor waved, placing a small shadow within Suzuki's own as he stepped over it.
"I'm not a freaking babysitter, you greasy haired demon dear!" Husker complained.
"No, but you are a servant." He chuckled. "Now be a good kitty and do what you're told, and I MIGHT give you a nice fishy treat when I get back, sound good Husker."
"Fuck you, you smiling creep." Husker flipped him off.
"...How are you still alive?" Iruma asked in wide shock. "He nearly took off my arm just for having an opinion on his voice."
"That's not completely off the table." Alastor teased as he shut the door. Now, to do his business … and prepare for the next stage of entertainment.
Husk grumbled as he walked along. "Of fucking corse he drags me into this shit." Dealing with a fucking child and a psychotic gremlin. The radio demon never made it easy when someone was under his chain, did he? "No wonder why I kept losing my hands … I should've fucking known that the cheesy pompous ass wouldn't stay gone." For seven long years, Husk was able to fool himself into thinking he was living in heaven without that demon yanking his leash.
"Seriously, how has he not murdered you?" The blue haired brat he was saddled with questioned. "I thought he just murdered anyone who insulted him."
"Nah, Al's a great guy with a wonderful sense of humor." The little psycho known as Nifty cackled as she climbed the boy's head and picked out the dirt and bugs that were living in it. "The fact he hasn't eaten any of your body parts yet means he really likes you!"
"...Suddenly I'm thinking my parents don't have the worst definition of love." The kid grumbled with a dark look. "So… you're a demon?"
"Oh what gave it away? The fucking fur all over my body or the wings? Surely it has NOTHING to do with the fact I'm in hell." Husk rolled his eyes.
"... Right … dumb question." The boy looked down.
"Eh, not completely dumb." Nifty giggled. "Demons come in all shapes and stabbable sizes. Most demons you see around this city are sinners, but you got a few hellborn like Imps and loan sharks roaming the streets."
"Wait, there's a whole race of demons called loan sharks?" The kid asked. "I just thought that was an ironic gang name."
"Yep, they come straight from Greed, working for the likes of Mammon and all that jazz." She chuckled. "They're really fun to stab and get lots of-oooh, dust, must kill!" The tiny girl ran forward with a broom.
"...Do I need to worry about her..?"
"About stabbing you, yes." Husk slept with one eye open for a reason. He really, REALLY wished he was anywhere else now.
"So…" The kid began asking again. "How long have you worked with Alastor..?"
"Long enough to know I prefer death." Husk answered immediately. "Look kid, I'm sure you got a shit deal to end up with Al of all demons, but I really, REALLY don't want to deal with this bullshit, so if you'd please shut the fuck up and not ask anymore questions, we can both end this fucking farce sooner rather than later."
"Yes sir." The boy nodded, walking in silence, glancing around at the occasional explosion and fallen body here and there. Husk was curious how the fuck the shit lord got a live human, but kept his lips shut. It would just be a headache to figure out.
Just drink your bottle to dull the pain that would never go away Husk. "Hey kid." A lion looking sinner smirked. "How about you show me a good time in the alley?"
"No thank you." The boy said nervously.
"Aww come on, pretty please?" They asked mockingly.
The kid flinched weirdly, an uncomfortable expression entering his face. "..I..okay.." Wait what the fuck?
"No fair, why does he get the bad boy first?" Nifty complained with a leg stomp.
"Sweet!" The lion grabbed the kid by the head, the eyes on the boy clearly freaking out and uncomfortable. "Oh man, you have NO idea what plan's I have for your holes right now, but I can tell you they aint gonna stay firm when I'm done.
"Ah.." The kid was sweating, looking like he wanted to fight it, but couldn't. It wasn't your business, it wasn't your business, it wasn't…
"Get the fuck out of here, Pedo the dickless lion." Husk growled as he grabbed the kid by the collar and dragged him out of the alley. Why the fuck was he doing this?
"Hey, that's my live cum dump!"
"Yeah, and here's your card." He threw a two of clubs into the guy's skull, leaving him on the ground. "Kid, I know you're new to hell, but even you should've known something about stranger danger."
"Kind of had to learn that lesson on the streets ... Before I had jobs, my parents made me beg for money on the street."
"So why the hell did you say yes if you knew that was stupid?" Husk questioned.
"He said please." The kid said without hesitation or irony in his tone.
"And?" Husk questioned.
"..That's it."
"… Are you fucking kidding me!?" He shouted out in annoyed rage. "Do you just say yes to any asshole that bats pretty eyes at you!?"
"I …" The kid looked down. "I have trouble saying no."
"Aw, so do I….I always say yes." Nifty raised her hand. "Like how a bad boy picks you up and they ask you if you want it harder and you say OH YES, YES DADDY YES-!"
"...Is she talking about a stranger or her actual dad?" The kid whispered.
"I don't think there's a difference in her mind." He grumbled. "You don't fucking say yes to anyone who says it, you goddamn moron." Why would you even WANT to say yes to anything, Husk wouldn't begin to understand.
"Oooh, let me try." Nifty giggled, holding up a knife. "Can you cut yourself with this pretty please?" The kid's eyes widened, as he grabbed his own arm, his body shaking as he took deep breaths, looking downright horrified and sick as blood began leaking from his mouth, likely from biting his own tongue. "Hahaha, mental pain! It's like clock gears breaking! Or a snake eating its own tail out of desperate starvation."
"Kid, just say no and ignore the fucking pyschopath!" Husk yelled.
"I… she …" The arm moved closer as he began gripping the knife's handle. "I.. she… I can't… but.."
"Do it, do it, do it, do it!" The tiny maniac chanted.
"Okay, enough of this bullshit, cut it out kid!" Husk slapped the boy's head and knocked the knife out of his hand. "What the hell's wrong with you!?"
"..I've… never been taught to say no." The kid sighed as he whipped the blood from his mouth. "My parents always said saying yes to everything would bring them happiness.. So I just… never developed the habit."
"... Fucking shit, of course Al made a deal to get a kid bred for slavery." Husk groaned. The bastard never met a bastard he didn't want to screw over at some point. "It's far too early to be dealing with crap, I need a drink." He began walking. "Follow me if you want, or don't, I don't care."
"Got it." The kid followed closely, along with Nifty.
"So … if I told you to break someone's spine, would you?" The gremlin asked.
"I really rather not do anything violent."
"But you'd have no choice to do it if I said pretty please?" Nifty grinned widely.
"... Pretty much…" The kid sighed.
"HAahaha, you're a spineless wimp!" Nifty crawled on the kid's head.
"Yes, yes I am." The brat groaned.
"You're more of a pet than Husker here!"
"The only reason why I don't split that eyeball of yours like a grape is because I know you'll just get off on it." Husk muttered as he kept walking ahead. Today was just a downward spiral of worse and worse things, wasn't it?
Nifty giggled as she crawled over the new pet. "Oooh, puppy want a treat? We should buy dog treats. That would be super funny." Today was just an upward spiral of better and better things! Alastor was back, and she got a fun new wimp to order around. It was a shame that Al didn't bring back a bad boy that could rip her to shreds in all the right places, but a dog she could pet and stab and get to roll over whenever she wanted was still pretty funny. "Maybe a collar too, cause it's hard to tell that you're on a leash!"
"It wouldn't be the most humiliating thing I've worn in my life." The new pet, Iruma, groaned as he slammed his head on the bar counter. "And dog food would be better than live flesh."
"You have no shame, do you?" Husker asked as he snatched a bar.
"I was born without it or the need for it." Iruma rolled his eyes. "You do what you can to survive, and right now that means doing whatever Alastor says without question, or he rips me apart because I got on his nerves and kills me."
"Oooh, that would be a pretty neat sight to see." Nifty grinned. "You'd be a big bloody puppy I get to stab over and over and over and over again.."
"... She is somehow completely terrifying, but more complacent than most of the people who've tried to hurt me in hell." The kid muttered.
"That's what most people say before she slices their neck." Husker muttered.
"Wait, so… do people even die in hell?" The kid asked, looking more curious. "Because I've seen people get split apart into nothing but their organs, but if this is Hell… where would they go."
"You regenerate if you're beat up." Nifty nodded. "Unless you're stabbed with angelic weaponry. Then you're bye bye forever!" She leaned in close to his eye. "Can you imagine it? Being reduced to such a state of nothing that no thoughts exist? No dreams? Just … eternal night night."
"...That sounds oddly peaceful, not going to lie." The kid smiled. "Never being expected to work, just… napping and never being expected to wake up."
"... Earth is a lot more fucked up than I remember it being if that's your idea of a peaceful life." Husker muttered.
"You have nooo idea." The kid nodded. "I'd rant but you'd probably be annoyed."
"Kid, I'm drunk, and I have like three jobs as a bartender. Half my time is listening to other people's shit I have no business knowing about." Husker waved off. "You wanna rant, go ahead."
Iruma stared at Husker for a moment, before looking down at the bar, which reflected his own face. "... Have you ever dealt with parents so lazy that they have a baby just to make him gather food and money, and make him do all the chores they don't want to do?"
"I've seen my fair share of trafficking on and off earth." The cat nodded.
"It's just … that. They raised me to always do what I'm told. Whenever someone asks me for help or tells me to do something, I just have to do it or my body feels … wrong. Like I'm breaking down inside." The human said. "My parents, my schoolmates, any bosses I've had … I just have to do what I'm told."
"Mental conditioning, rough." Husker nodded as he took a swing of liquor.
"I don't even know if I'm a good person deep down. I do things for people.. but most of the time I don't want to do it… and everyone is always telling me please or help me or I'm begging you and I don't even know if it's me making that choice or me just… passively being led by the strings my parents wrapped around my brain." The kid looked like he was about to cry, but held it in.
"Have you ever thought about stabbing your parents?" She asked.
"No. I haven't even thought about them dying before."
"Then you're probably on the better half of most people that live." Husker groaned. "Not that it matters cause most people end up in hell anyways."
"So… nothing matters at all?" The kid asked. "All that hard work I put in just to live by the bare minimum.. it meant nothing?"
"Not even a little bit." Nifty chuckled. "We all are born suffering and die suffering … so you either enjoy it or you don't." And she learned to enjoy it a LOT. "I make sure that any bugs I come across know exactly how I feel by stabbing them and whipping out their entire species! I already have half the hell hornet population in pride dead, and the other half is hiding in holes like a couple of pussies!"
"Crazy as she is, she has a point." Husker moaned. "Back when I was alive, my main goal was getting ahead in life. Get rich as fast as possible and don't deal with anyone's bullshit. Call it selfish, self indulgent or whatever, it was my life. Didn't mess with anyone not important to me ... and here I am." The cat rolled his eyes. "Life doesn't care if you're dealt a bad hand. It doesn't care how much you struggle to get where you are. We all have the same deck, and we all lose either way."
"... Well that's reassuring." The doggy muttered. "I thought I was the only one life was messing up ... guess any chance at going to heaven was dead on arrival." He grumbled. "Then again I didn't really believe in the afterlife to begin with, so I guess I shouldn't have expected much anyway."
"Expect disappointment and you'll never be disappointed." Husker nodded. "That's the start of having a mundane and mediocre life hell."
"Yeah, figured giving up despair and hope would be easier." Oooh, kid was smarter than he looked. Maybe he'd last longer than a few months.
"Hey, Husk!" They turned to some pig demon wielding an ax. "Remember me!?"
"No. Fuck off." Husker flipped him off, making the pig throw his ax and smash the bottle. "Hey, I was drinking that!"
"Ooh, bad boy." Nifty licked her lips. "Mama wanna taste."
"So … who's this?" Iruma questioned.
"Butch! The guy who lost his soul to Husk here!" The man shouted.
Husk opened his mouth. "Oooh, so your parents sold your soul too. That's rough." Before Iruma spoke up with that little tidbit.
"Wait they did what-shit for later!" Husk grumbled. "Look man, I don't know why you're mad. I don't even own your soul anymore." Husk scoffed.
"Yeah, because you gambled it to fucking Velvete!" He shouted. "You know what that bitch does to pigs like me!? Well done, every week!"
"Oh, I'd love for you to do ME well done~." Nifty grinned widely at the strong man that could just tear her apart piece by piece.
"Wait, people just give away souls like money?" Iruma asked.
"If you own them, you can give them away." Nifty shrugged. "Whoever has the most is the richest and strongest overlord … that's still Zestial right?" She asked Husker.
"Last I checked it was Carmine for the influence.."
"Oh good on her, girl power." She nodded with a smile.
"Hello, I'm right here!" The sinner shouted.
"Yeah, a lone man with an ax." Husker rolled his eyes. "I don't owe you shit and you ain't getting anything out of me."
"Maybe, but me and my crew here can beat your brains out over and over until I've worked through my shit." And suddenly about two thirds of the bar was surrounded by pig demons with various weapons armed to the brim. "And just because they're next to you, we're going to beat those two little shits you have too!"
"Seriously!?" Iruma shouted. "Does everybody here take overkill to the extreme!?"
"It's hell kid." Husker groaned.
"So… quick question." The kid asked. "Would that regenerating thing be painless."
"Oh no. It's super painful and it takes most of the day." Nifty nodded. "Especially for people who regenerate from nothing, like you will when you die cause ya human." Nifty grinned with anticipation. "Ooh Won't you be the lucky one? Getting all that agonizing nerve ripping pain for the first time. I wonder what you'll turn into for your soul to reflect who you are. Probably a little collared doggie, and Al HATES dogs. He'll probably torture you even more for looking like one."
"… Dibs on not fighting her." One demon raised his hand
"So … I can't fight." The wimp admitted. "Should we run away now or …"
"Hold on." Husk took a long, long drink out of his bottle, before throwing his bottle out. "Okay, I'm drunk enough to ignore the pain. Now we can run."
And with that, Husk threw his bottle and a match, causing an explosion as they all bolted out the back.
Iruma jumped over a trash can as he ran out the back alley. Third day in hell, and he already made his co workers (or fellow slaves) mad, and he was running from a mob of angry demons. Looks like even if it wasn't his fault, people wanted to beat him up. "Yayayahahabahabaa!" The scary cockroach Demon Nifty cackled as she held onto his head by his cowlick. "So many bad boys! They're going to rip us all apart!" That was an experience Iruma was not looking forward to.
"Okay, okay, okay." Iruma looked around. "I think we can lose them if we take the third fire escape on that building over there, climb to the top, and leap over a few rooftops." Pigs were terrible jumpers. "Can you keep Nifty quiet so they can't follow us?"
"I've been trying to do that for the past five decades kid!" Husk shouted as he kept throwing his cards into their heads whenever one got to close. "The only thing that keeps her quiet is when she's waiting to kill roaches on the ground!"
"Their bodies make the best puppets!" The girl laughed.
"Oh is that so." The more you knew. Alright, the pigs would follow .. "Are there any rivers nearby? They don't look like fast swimmers."
"There's an acid river on shank street." Nifty suggested.
"Okay, going to have to work around that." Iruma muttered as he quickly came up with a plan. "Okay, we're going to get on a ledge and jump across that river. Husk, are you any good with those wings!?"
"Only ever used them for show!" The cat man called out. "Otherwise I would've flown away from these assholes and left you two to deal with them!"
"Then you better hope your one of those cats that land on their feet!" Iruma lead the two up a fire escape, where knives kept getting shoved near his face. "Agh! Husk, dodge left, then right, then jump!"
"What the hell-" A knife was thrown, making the cat dodge left. "How did you-!?"
"Just trust me!" Iruma shouted as he moved, avoiding the thrown weapons, before leaping forward. Roll with the force, try and ignore the pain. It's better than just dying.
"Alastor, if you're listening to this somewhere than fuck yooooooooooouuuuuuu!" Husk shouted in the air as he jumped, his wings spreading as he sort of glided in the air. "Huh… well what do you know-" The man had a piece of brick thrown at his back from behind, making him crash into the ground. "Of fucking course."
"Yay! Falling party!" Nifty grinned as she too a jump… and just fell flat on her face. "Ooooh, I see pentagrams."
"Gaah …" Iruma looked behind him to see how much distance they grained. If they were as heavy as they looked the demons would have to take the long way around, which would give them plenty of time to just leave the area. After that, get something to sustain yourself that wasn't acidic or poisonous, then you'd survive another day. "Well, any fall you can walk away from's a good one."
"People only say that when they fall everyday." Husk grumbled as he shook his wings. "How the hell did you know when I needed to dodge?"
"I've just become so used to the feeling of being in danger that I just.. avoid it when it happens." He rubbed his hands. "After all, if you're used to danger, and expect it at every waking moment of your life, avoiding it becomes a secondary instinct." Iruma smiled at them.
Husker stared at him with a bewildered expression before rubbing his forehead. "Jesus kid, you really got the shit hand."
"Like you said, it's hell, everyone has one." He nodded. "We should leave now before those pig guys catch up. Running for my life is one thing, but being surrounded is out of the question."
"But it's better when your surrounded." Nifty cackled. "Then you're given no chance to escape and they look at you with eyes of hunger and they tear you down limb from limb.."
"And I'm going to save up on earplugs." Iruma shook his head as he did his best to ignore the tiny demon. "So if you owned their souls, then you're like Alastor?" A less nasty version of him at least.
"… I was once." He said. "I'd rather not get into it now, but let's just say a few bad hands can ruin a man's life rather quickly." Husk sighed.
"… I understand." Bad things happen all the time. "… I know it sucks … but I think I like working with you." Someone who understood how bad it was.
Husk shot him a baffled look, before shaking his head with a light chuckle. "Over a hundred years in hell without feeling crap and you're getting sentimental on your first day."
"Eh, I cling to even the slightly less horrible situations." Iruma shrugged. "Even in hell, living is better than death."
"Exactly! Life is meaningless without the fear of death looming at every corner!" Nifty chuckled. Seriously, this woman terrified him. "Like those pigs taking the stairs right over there."
"Wait what!" Iruma shouted.
"Assholes! If ya gonna escape, don't have a syrupy diolauge in the middle of it!" The head pig shouted.
"… Yeah, we probably should have been running." Husk groaned. "Kid, believe me, if ya actually value your life, then you'll ditch the two of us while you can!"
"… I … don't want to." He shook his head. He wasn't sure about Nifty, but Husk … seemed like a nice enough guy. "You're stuck here like I am. It's never going to get better … but we can suffer together." Iruma said. "Maybe not as friends, but as workmates?" He didn't have friends to begin with, and he wasn't sure if you could actually be friends with a demon.
"...Oh for the love of, Alastor, what have you gotten me into?" Husk grumbled, shaking his head and pulling out those play cards. "Alright, we'll give this shit a shot!" He took out the cards and..
"Yay! I'm riding the doogie of death!" Nifty grinned as she hopped on his head. "Iruma, please jump into the middle of that gang of pigs and go crazy!"
Great … "Okay." He grimaced as he ran forward.
"Nifty, come on! Have more taste than that!" Husk shouted.
"I will ride till death do us apart!" She screamed as he jumped next to a pig, pulling out a broom and jamming it into the demon's eye. "I'll clean your bodies!"
"I'm never going to look at cleaning supplies the same way again." Iruma muttered as he kept dodging the pigs' axes and bats. "Usually when I'm in the middle of a pig pin, it's to tie them down and cook them into bacon!"
"I'd take some fire to get rid of these fuckers!" Husk shouted as he used a card to cut off one guy's head. "Nifty, have any matches-!"
"Got it!" Iruma shouted as he started his campfire. "There's a lot of motor oil on the ground, and their metal axes keep making sparks when the grind the pavement."
"… I have so many question-" One of the pigs grabbed onto Husk's wing, another on his tail. "Ah fuck!"
"Hey, get off my coworkers!" Iruma growled as he grabbed the pig arm pulling on Husks tail, and opened his mouth.
Chomp
"SQUUUUEEEE!" They cried out. "Let go, let go you little fucker!"
"Eggttghhhh!" The jerk tasted like muddy jerky but Iruma refused to let go, biting down harder as blood was getting trickled down on the ground.
"Oh you're going to get-" A card was shoved in the pig's face as Husk pushed the man into the campfire.
"I thought you said yo didn't fight." Husk asked with a snickered.
"I don't. That's called surviving." Iruma explained. "A human bite isn't really effective if you're strong enough to handle pain."
"Oh, so all these pigs are wimps then." Nifty pouted.
"Hey, we are not fucking wimps!" A demon raised his kitchen knife.
Chomp
And iruma bit down on the next pig, stopping him. "Aaaggghh, you sick little fuck!" The pig shouted as he pried Iruma off, letting him take chunks of his arm with him as a result. "Did anyone bring any guns!?"
"How the fuck do you think we could afford those?! We're owned souls!" One of the pigs shouted as Nifty stabbed them through the eyes with a little sewing needle
"Hahahaaha! You pigs may be wimps but your eyeballs are nice and squishy enough to make blood spill all over!"
"I'd run before she starts knitting." Husk said. "Trust me, she gives me nightmares."
"I'll take your word for it!" Iruma shouted, tearing off an ear of another pig and made a run for it.
"Forget this shit, we'll get the bastard later!" The pigs started running away, leaving them as the trio took in a few deep breaths.
"Ugh, been a while since someone with an old grudge tried to off me." Husk groaned as he stretched his back out. "For someone who doesn't know how to fight, your bite's bigger than your bark."
"I once had to live off of the salt of limestone and granite. I have practice biting down." Iruma nodded.
"Oooh, wimp with good teeth … I'm promoting you to chomper." Nifty patted his head. "Good boy, good doggie."
"...Should I be scared that she's warming up to me?" Iruma asked
"She's more consistent when she's familiar with you, so it's your opinion." The cat shrugged as he pulled out a bottle. "Well, for what it's worth kid, you managed to help me get out of this unfucked, so good on you I guess."
"Thanks, I think." Iruma hummed with a sigh of relief. "Honestly I'm more surprised I didn't see Alastor come in to make things worse for us."
"I didn't need to in the slightest! Oh quite a show, quite the show!" A familiar voice spoke up with footsteps behind them.
"...YOU WERE WATCHING THE WHOLE TIME!?" Husk shouted in rage.
"Of course he was." Iruma said. "He likes to watch us suffer and refuses to help because it's beneath him." He had to memorize that day one.
"You're learning Suzuki." The jerk snickered. "Although watch is a strong word. I had one of my shadows tail your actions today and broadcast the carnage to me. It brought me back to the Great Depression, hearing about all the starving children struggling and having the cries announced for all the world to hear and for the more privileged to mock."
"… Alright, I will admit I didn't think you were that evil since you let me sleep in a bed and fed me." Iruma admitted.
"He's from the early 1900's. If you weren't starving right on the street, you were getting off on the misery of the time." Husk explained with a low growl. "So you got the contract of a freaking kid just to watch him squirm in hell?"
"Got it in one, old chum! In fact, I was so entertained that I broadcasted this little misadventure for the masses to enjoy!"
"He what?" Iruma asked.
"You what?!" Husker shouted in disbelief.
"That's right folks, the radio demon is back to bring you style, staring our new star, Iruma Suzuki, the first ever living human to be damned to HELL!" Clapping noises cheered. "Feel free to torture him as you see fit, dear sinners. What he does next will baffle anyone! Stay tuned to listen to his baffling luck or screams of torment!"
"I already love this show!" Nifty shouted with a bright smile. "Now I can hear the doggie's screams wherever I go!"
"I hate that guy." Both Iruma and Huster grumbled at the same time.
"But isn't it worth it for the comradery?" The jerk teased.
"No, no it's not." Iruma called out with a glare.
"Oooh, and here I assumed you had no one else willing to come down and save you." Alastor grinned as he held out his stick. "Any friends you'd like to name, any at all?"
Iruma was really getting sick of this. Alastor was just going to keep rubbing it in how alone he was no matter how much he admitted it. "Don't answer him kid. Him getting a rise out of you is how he gets the cheap laughs." Husk rolled his eyes as he used his wings to separate them from the mic. "Come on kid, I'll make you a drink." Husk guided him.
"But I'm not legal-"
"Kid, you're living in hell. There's nothing ILLEGAL about it, and you're gonna need it to numb the pain you'll be feeling in the morning." The cat demon countered before he could finish.
"... I guess you have a point." As long as he was in a safe space it would be fine to limit his brain activity … right? Plus Husk was the first genuine demon he could get close to. Rosie seemed nice, but she was close to Alastor. Husk ... Husk just understood him. And in Hell… that was the most he could expect out of anyone.
Velvet looked over the latest trends. 'Living boy in hell.' 'Underage kid for the taking.' 'I wonder how easy it would be to get some slave labor.' 'Retro is back in town?' Yeah, the broadcast was causing an uproar among the denizens of hell. Partially because the radio demon came back, and partially because there was a living soul free for them messing.
"FUUUUUCK!" Vox was firmly in the former category. "SHIT! DAMN IT! THAT NO GOOD SON OF A BITCH! OLD TIMEY BITCH!" He screamed, throwing out lightning around the room.
"Val, calm your boy toy before he ruins one of my dresses." She commented off handedly.
"Hehehe, usually it's the other way around." Val snickered as he smoked that cigar. "I'd get mad, shoot up some bitches, tear down the walls and Voxxy comes in to ease the stress down. I love it when he gets worked up… so much energy to channel."
"As long as it's behind doors." Val could afford to get pissy every now and then. Vox was their face, they needed him to be calm and careful when dealing with others, and the hate boner he had for the radio demon did not help it in the slightest.
"A twenty four seven podcast!? Following one little BRAT!? Who the fuck would watch some shit like that!? It's just the Truman Show plotline with self awareness, and without the screen!"
"It has that fish out of water trope nonsense for the causal viewers, and the younger demographic of hell get what's essentially a self insert POV to help ease the pain of their fucking worthless and pathetic lives." Vel explained offhandedly as she scrolled through the stats and trends. "And for the older audience, well, they're the ones who've been waiting for the radio demon to make a comeback, and something NOT the screams of old crusty hazbin overlords is to most demons a 'refreshing take'."
"Plus the pedophiles and pervs that jerk off to the sound of anybody young." Val added his two cents.
"That no good, of course the old audience wants it! Who the fuck cares about what old stuff is!? I bring in NEW entertainment, damn it!" He shouted. "If only I could wipe that smug look off his stupid, grinning …"
"Don't see why you're so upset." Val chuckled. "He just gave you the ultimate way to piss him off."
The tv head turned to the moth. "Explain."
"He hates you more than anyone. And at the same time, he just gave hell free reign to do what they want. So imagine what would happen if you stabbed his latest source of entertainment with a holy weapon, something that he won't get sent to hell for." The porn maker left that hanging in the air. "You'll outwit him at his own game and prove to all of Hell who's the better Overloard in one fell swoop, and on his own show too, so EVERYONE will be listening in."
He stared at him for a moment, before grinning wildly. "Val you beautiful bastard!" He pulled the man into a kiss. Velvet let herself film it for a moment, before posting #dadgoals. The image of a happy family was always vital to the brand of the Vs. Made the world think they were in control without any worries or care. That way it made it easy for them to pull whatever shit they needed for their contracts. There was a reason why she was the backbone of the V's. "Oooh, I'm gonna ruin that boy! I need something flashy, entertaining … I bet I could check my old show ideas."
"Given that the kid's apparently japanese, aren't those squinty eye fuckers known for fucked up game shows?" Velvet threw it out there.
"Oh yes … HAHAHAHAHA!" He marched out as thunder played.
"... I'm gonna fuck him so hard when this is all over." Val smirked.