Chapter 6

To my surprise, Adrian does not fare nearly as well as I did. In fact, his interview is objectively one of the worst and the hardest to watch. He tries to portray himself as mysterious and bold, but his remarks seem demeaning to the audience. Then, he tries to take a different approach and stop insulting people, but his attitude gets jumbled up in his varied responses. It's painful.

I don't acknowledge him when he goes to sit down next to me. As I thought, I can sense his rage radiating from his supposedly perfect countenance. Honestly, I would also be ticked if mine had gone that badly.

The boy from District 5 goes next. He is bossy and arrogant. Although, like the rest of us, he is playing a part. He claims to know all kinds of information. Not just the knowledge of power or the massive hydroelectric dam from his District, but knowledge about fighting, cooking, surviving in freezing temperatures, and even random skills like dancing, which he is more than happy to demonstrate. He is probably trying to compensate for his poor score of three and his age of fourteen. But a fourteen-year-old did win before, so maybe one can again.

Careena, the girl from 9, is surprisingly not trying to be overly fierce. Instead, she is an interesting blend of being passionate about the games and insisting she will not be joining the careers because she has her own strategy.

Then Kitty comes up. She is the sweetest creature in this entire forsaken prison. She is the only one who doesn't even mention her training score. But she also doesn't mention being scared of the games either. She changes the topic every time Caesar brings it up. Instead, she talks about her family and all her animals in District 10. When Kitty isn't doing chores for the farm, she loves to play her recorder—which she made herself. She likes to go out at night with her friends and scare the goats to watch them fall over until they get caught by an overseer and are chased off the pasture. The audience loves her too, but in a different way. They all fall victim to her charming playfulness. No one appreciates her as much as I do. She reminds me of a younger me.

After Caesar finishes the closing statements, the tributes are led offstage, where the prep crews are waiting for us.

"Good job! I'm so proud of you!" Claudia comes up and hugs me. I am surprised for a moment but then find myself returning the embrace. Does she care about me more than just as her client for the games? People are strange here.

"We are all proud of you, aren't we?" Augusto looks at Angel.

She doesn't answer. She just nods, barely detectable. "Help her undress." How can anyone be so miserable?

"Well, well, well, you actually pulled through." Finnick grins at me. Angel shoots him an annoyed look for the delay.

"Barely," I huff.

"I've seen a lot of 'barely' moments in my life and had some myself. That out there was definitely not a 'barely'."

Mags walks up to me and squeezes my hand. Somehow, coming from her, the gesture means more than any hug ever would.

"Annie," Adrian strides up to me. "Can I talk to you," He hesitates, looking at Finnick, Mags, and my prep crew. "Privately."

"I guess." He doesn't even congratulate me on my interview, but still wants to talk? Then again, I didn't say anything to him about his interview. I'm not trying to be kind to someone who won't do the same.

I reluctantly follow him. We talk off to the side. He looks around the room, suspicious of anyone listening. I'm nervous now.

"I think we should be allies."

"What?!" That's what this is about? "What are you talking about?"

"To state this as simply as possible, I have a sense of survival and the skills once we get out in the arena, but you have the story."

"That's what you want? My story." My heart sinks . . . if it was ever lifted up to begin with.

"Look, when we get out there, skills only carry you so far. Much of the games depend on sponsorships. You have a way with the crowds. People love you. They want you to win. And with the way my interview went . . ." He stares at the ground, losing focus of the conversation, then snaps back to meet my eyes. "They always show the allied groups on Television more anyway. If we pair up, we can not only survive much easier, but we can also get sponsors."

I look at him incredulously.

"What?" He asks, defeated by my crushing of his grand scheme.

"What about me? You're always so committed to what is best for you to win these games. Don't you have any idea or care as to what I want?! No, I'm sorry, that's not fair," I sigh, running my fingers through my hair. Maybe my nerves are still heightened from the interview, maybe it's just me. "Look, I don't want to kill anyone. I don't have the same intention for survival that everyone else does."

"No one wants to be in these games," His mouth creases in a bitter frown. "You think you're safe, but it's not a choice. Like it or not, we're both here. You have to try your best; I'll help you."

"No, you don't understand. I won't kill anyone. I quit. I'm done trying to play these games."

"You don't mean that," He retorts.

"No, Adrian!" I snap, then speak in a soft whisper. "You don't know who I am." I think it's the first time I've ever called him by his name. Come to think of it, maybe it's the first time I've had a conversation with him at all besides the spiteful comment about the knife.

"Annie," He says through clenched teeth, holding something back. Then he lets it loose, throwing his arms up in the air. "You don't know who you are either! You're lying to yourself. You do amazing things that tributes are jealous of, but then, you sabotage yourself and recklessly try to throw it all away. When you get into that arena, you're going to be killing like the rest of us. You're not ready to give up. Quitting is when the game ends. You're still here, so you're still playing." He says it in an almost pleading tone.

"We can't be in an alliance. You have nothing to offer me." I dodge a response to his speech.

"Yes, I do." He taps his temple like he is debating on telling me something important, something he had planned. "You really want to quit, then I can help you. The careers will come after you, and trust me it won't be a pretty death. But if you need me to, I can . . . make it easier. But I don't think that's what you truly want." He sighs and runs his fingers through his hair. "We don't have to be in an alliance. We can meet up at the beginning of the games, and I can try to do it painlessly. But if you change your mind, then we can help each other. I promise I'm not the only one who would be gaining something from this allyship."

"I don't—"

"Think about it?" He pleads.

"Yeah, sure," I mumble, not sure what else to say. He walks away, leaving me standing alone again. He wants to prove that I can't. He wants to be able to say I told you so. He doesn't think I'll go through with it. Is he right? Am I not ready to give up?

My prep crew doesn't say anything about the tears as they help me undress. Even Claudia seems to realize I want some peace. I know I'm in the games, I always have. I'm not that stupid. But hearing what Adrian said hits differently than anything anyone said before. Adrian finally made them real to me. I have to choose whether I'm going to play.

I avoid the others—they're with Adrian meticulously analyzing the replay of the interviews, which I have no desire to see—and somehow, no one knocks on my door. Then, I crawl into bed long after the tears have dried. I hardly got any sleep that night. A servant brings in the ice cream I order, and I numbly eat it on my bed. I stare at the ocean projection on the wall. It's so beautiful but also strong: a stark contrast to me being in this place. I close my eyes and listen to the ocean sounds coming from the speakers. It feels so much like home. With dry eyes, I finally drift off, the waves and the melody of waves crashing imprinted in my brain. This is probably my last time to listen to the ocean.

The next day passes in a blur. I get dressed. I eat breakfast. Finnick says something to me, and I ignore him. Mags says something to me, and I ignore her. Adrian doesn't say anything to me, and I ignore him. Until I finally can eat my pancakes in silence.

My prep crew gets me dressed, Angel barking orders the entire time. Claudia seems like her eyes are watery, but it's hard to tell with her thick blue makeup. I ended up liking her. It's a shame.

Then everything happens fast. I go to the plane. I sit on the plane. The plane takes off. I feel numb. I look at Adrian sitting across from me, but even he has a look of trepidation, which only unsettles me further. I stare at a strand of hair on the ground the entire time. The ride seems to only last for a few minutes. The hair strand stays on the floor, flickering on the ground, but ultimately unable to move position because of the high speeds. I can only think of the same five words to pass the time. I am going to die. I am going to die. I am going to die.

"The offer is still on," Adrian whispers as I step onto the ladder leading to the arena. The offer of an alliance or a swift death? Or both? I am going to die.

As I step into the launch room, I realize I never said goodbye. To Sterling, to Finnick, or even to Mags. I love Mags. At least I'll never know if she was lying when I'm in the games. I'll be able to remember her as a kind, gentle, old, woman regardless of her true colors. I regret not at least talking to Finnick. It takes quite a bit of self-restraint in me to be near him-but even still, he's a reminder of home. And now he's not here, and home is truly gone.

I'm standing alone in the launch area, and I'm honestly not sure what happens next because they never show this part from the tribute's point of view. Instead, they reveal the elaborate arena to the audience.

"Annie," A trilled voice speaks with a Capitol accent.

"Claudia?!" I want to hug her, and for once, I let the urge take over. Luckily, she smiles with her bright purple lipstick and returns the embrace. "Isn't Angel supposed to be here though?"

"I convinced her to let me see you off." See me off. Like it's a celebration.

"Thank you," I crease my brows, hoping she knows how much I appreciate her. But it won't last for long.

She quickly gets me ready in my final outfit for the games. It's a form-fitted black suit with boots and a light blue jacket made from light material that seems to be waterproof.

"This year, they did something different with the outfits," Claudia explains. "All of the tributes have assigned colors. District 4's is blue."

So I guess I'll be able to spot people easier, but people will recognize me too, which might be a positive or a negative. A thought creeps up. I'll be able to notice Adrian more easily.

"They also are going to let you wear this." She reveals my green bow and gently ties to my ponytail. "There," She steps back, admiring her work. "You're ready."

"Thank you, Claudia, so much." My eyes brim with tears of a thousand reasons.

"Don't cry, the game hasn't begun yet."

It's not a very reassuring statement. I am going to die.

"What do we do now?" What do I do now? What is there left to do?

"We wait. You were one of the first people off the plane, so many of the tributes are probably still getting ready."

She leads me to sit on a small couch in front of the large tube that will lift me up into the arena. We sit there for a few minutes, unmoving. I don't look away from the tube even once. Somehow, during that time, I wound up clutching her hands. Either I reached for her hand or she held mine, I don't know which.

"Annie?" A voice behind me. It's the last person I would ever expect to be here. Claudia responds, not me.

"Finnick Odair?"

"The one and only," he says, flashing his cheeky grin.

"How were you even allowed here?"

"I have my ways." He directs his attention towards me. "You know Annie, you have quite the habit of losing things." He balances the chain of the shell necklace on the tip of his finger. "Don't worry Claudia, it's been cleared by security."

"What are you doing here? The games are starting in five minutes?!"

"I, uh," For the first time, I see Finnick Odair unsure of himself. "I came to give this to Annie and say goodbye."

Claudia snatches the necklace from his hand. "You could have done that in the Training Center."

Finnick snatches it back. "She didn't give me much time." He hands the necklace out to me and winks. "Trust me, it's good luck."

I take it quickly, avoiding making eye contact.

"You did what you came to do, now leave," I say.

He pauses, and I finally look him in the eyes. I never thought of myself as excellent at reading emotions, although I might be decent at it. But anyone can tell that Finnick is hurt. My words struck something in him, showing much more than the pain of my statement. His eyes show a long history of suffering and agony, much more than I could ever do. At this moment, I realize something I should have known long before. Finnick is much more than what meets the eye.

Or he's faking it.

"Go Finnick," I repeat, letting anger bite my tone. "Get out."

"Why are you always pushing people away?" He fires back.

"I'm not. Just you."

"Why? What did I ever do?" He sighs. "You know Annie, we used to be friends." The statement makes my blood boil.

"We were never truly friends." I snap, my nose flaring. I let go of Claudia's hand. She stares at us as we yell at each other.

He looks disappointed. "Annie, what happened to you?"

"What happened to me?" I step closer and stare him down. "You're the one that changed!"

"Maybe I felt like I could be myself around you, and now I don't. Maybe now, you seem just like everyone else who thinks I am a good-for-nothing Capitol favorite."

"Maybe I do think that. That doesn't mean it's not true."

"Annie, you were always someone who could see the beauty in certain things. In a trivial school lesson, in a book of poetry, in the sunrise on the beach. But you can't see it in people. And I wish you would because I need someone like you to see me." He gazes at me, searching my eyes.

"Well, you didn't give me a chance. You left. How could I possibly see any good in you after that?" My watery eyes feel like a knife stabbing my heart, making me remember the moment of betrayal of a poor thirteen-year-old. "You lied."

His face says he knows exactly what I am talking about. "Do you know how many girls came into that room begging me to remember them in the arena, Annie?"

"No."

"A lot. But do you know that you were the first and only one that I cared about? I meant it, Annie." He throws his hands up. "I didn't do what was right, and yes, I lied about everything being okay. It will never be okay, and I know that now. But I never forgot. I never stopped constantly remembering you, not in that arena, and also not now. It wasn't until seeing you in these games that I realized why."

"And why is that Finnick?" My voice cracks even though I mean to say it angrily.

"Because I—" His voice cracks. A tear drops from the ever so high and mighty Finnick's cheek. "Please fight, don't give up."

"Shut up, you sound like Adrian," I say, trembling.

"I told him to tell you. I guess he did follow through."

"Oh so you two are in kahoots now," I retort. "I see how it is. I guess I really can't trust anyone for being genuine."

"Annie we care," He says, in the obnoxious hushed tones he usually speaks in.

"It's my choice, Finnick. There is no difference between being the second to the last. There are 22 other people who are losing, just like me. No one in this game is special. Why would I try to live a day longer in this nightmare when I know there is no chance?"

"You have to, if not for me, then for your family, for our home." He tries to take my hands, begging, pleading, but I yank away.

A voice rings through the speakers, startling the three of us. The games are starting soon.

"Annie we have to—" Claudia starts.

"I'm done with the games, Finnick." I hiss his name like venom. "When that platform lifts me up, I am going to jump off and end it. And if you think I'm kidding, then watch me." There it was. It was the final verdict, finally said out loud. I made my decision; no going back now.

"Goodbye Annie," Finnick says, something lighting in his green eyes. He looks like someone with a plan, a purpose, a mission.

"Goodbye, Finnick."

Then he runs off. I'll never see him again.

"Goodbye, Annie!" I mock his words under my breath and shake my head indignantly at Claudia. She doesn't share my outrage.

"What do you mean you're jumping off?" Genuine concern edged with fear forms her expression.

"I'm sorry." I look at her, hoping to portray a message absent of words to explain.

She gestures to the tube, and I step inside. I flinch as a clear cylinder begins to close around me.

"Goodbye, Annie Cresta," Claudia sniffs, trying to keep her head held high.

"Goodbye," I say just before the tube locks me inside. As the platform begins to rise and I am being lifted up, I close my eyes and try to memorize every little perfect thing in my life. The only generous Capitol person standing before me. My family back home, who loves and cares about me. The way the sunrise lets light into the gloomy world after too long staying in the night. Even Finnick's constant grin is something I've grown so used to it almost feels safe.

But as I open my eyes and am momentarily blinded by the bright light of my environment, I forget everything. I can barely focus enough to hear the announcer.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, let the Seventieth Hunger Games begin!"