A Marriage that Started a Legend

by IJustShowedUp

Follows canon but with my own arranged marriage spin on it. What happens when Hunith makes a mistake and is forced on the run with her infant son? What happens when Camelot knights find her twenty years later? What happens when Arthur learns he's betrothed to a peasant boy? Will Merlin be able to stand among royalty? Will these two different boys survive each other? Review!

172. Chapter 174

It took this great, valiant effort for Merlin Pendragon to not falter beneath the twin stares being shot his way after his horrid agreement to go to someplace unknown with Arthur. The same Arthur, who looked relieved that Merlin would be coming with him, so different from the way he'd been dangling Lancelot's dream in front of him like a fish meant to jump for the bait hanging off a hook, and Merlin wanted to punch the arsehole in the face. He wasn't agreeing with this for Arthur…it was for Lancelot. So Lancelot wouldn't have to give up on his dreams because of him. The very same Lancelot, that was staring at him with the most incredulous expression on his face, as if he couldn't quite believe he had agreed at all. Merlin didn't blame him for the shock, he hardly believed he was actually going to give Arthur the time of day…again. But fuck, Arthur had a way of dragging him back in. Even when Merlin said he was done with him…the strangest of reasons would crop up and Merlin would find himself being tossed back to square one all over again.

"No, Merlin, no. I understand that Arthur is your husband but that cannot mean you have to jump and go to him every time he beckons you. You are not a dog, you do not have to entertain him. Whatever he has to say to you, then there is not a single reason as to why he can't say it right here." Lancelot was starting in on him almost immediately, once he got over his surprise. And god…if only it was that easy. For Merlin to say no, to ignore him, to do whatever he wanted to do instead of what he was told to do. But there were consequences to choices like that, and right now, it was Lancelot's future being held in front of the flame and getting ready to burn…Merlin couldn't live with that on his mind the rest of his life. "Merlin, please! He…he's hurt you. He doesn't deserve even a moment of your time. You saw the way he behaved earlier…are you really going to risk it by being alone with him? What happens if he decides to be violent against you again?"

The cold bubbled in the pit of Merlin's stomach…Lancelot had a good point to this, and the shame filled him, his cheeks flushing with blood. This was so very embarrassing, having Lancelot knowing the truth when he'd probably been the only one in the entire kingdom who hadn't known. And therefore hadn't ended up treating him like some kind of freak. There was every chance in the world, if he went with Arthur…he wasn't going to return. Arthur's violent streak was just so intense…he wasn't afraid to make heads roll if they upset him. Or if Merlin's the one that is upset…upset…upset…that's right. Merlin exhaled a large breath and looked up to Arthur. Arthur wasn't looking at him though, he was looking at the ground with an unreadable expression on his face. Not angry, but it was something else entirely. Though his hands were twitching at his sides as if he was wishing he had a sword in his hand so that he could finish off what he had been trying to do. The tenseness in Merlin's form started to ease a bit…he was right. Arthur's earlier words ran in his head like a repeating track…I will tell you a thousand more times if I have too, I won't hurt you again. It wasn't something that Merlin believed, but he also knew that was going to hold true today, at the very least.

"You're wrong, Lancelot. Arthur's a man that doesn't like to not have things the way he wants them, and that very much includes me. So yes, one of my duties is very much entertaining Arthur whenever he gets like this. And it is best to just get it over with sometimes. But don't worry…Arthur isn't going to lay a single hand on me today." Merlin said, never taking his eyes off of Arthur, watching closely as the prince's head snapped back up. Arthur looked hopeful right now…maybe he thought Merlin was actually believing his lies. Maybe the prince thought he had convinced Merlin he would never hurt him again, but the consort wasn't that naive, and tore that delusion apart without hesitation, "You see, my husband is a possessive bastard. He's not going to get violent on me, because if he did…I might do something drastic in order to escape him. Now, it wont be the first time I've tried something drastic, but I almost succeeded. My husband here knows exactly what I mean, and he knows me doing it again will only leave him without me in his life. And he's not going to allow even me to try and take myself away from him. Not without his permission, at the very least."

Lancelot looked confused by this, his eyebrows furrowing together directly in the middle of his forehead, but Merlin didn't dare take his eyes away from the prince, making sure he got the message that he meant. And to be even more sure that there would be no 'misunderstandings', Merlin very casually swiped a thumb across the remaining scars tucked away beneath the sleeve of his coat, it appeared that Gwen hadn't told Lancelot that part of Merlin's past, since the man didn't even blink at the strange action. But Arthur clearly understood just what he was saying…if Arthur tried to hurt Merlin while they were gone, Merlin was going to attempt another suicide…the prince turned this ghastly shade of white, like old milk starting to curdle. Good, Merlin thought as he dropped his hands…Arthur understood him perfectly. It made Merlin sick to use his suicide attempt last month like this, like some kind of weapon, but…he wasn't going to leave with Arthur without some sort of insurance for his safety. Merlin wasn't serious…he had no plans on EVER being in that dark place again, or being that desperate to escape. But Arthur didn't know that, and the type of possessive brand he was…he wouldn't want anybody claiming Merlin's life unless it would be him. Not even Merlin. It had been a gamble, doing this, but for the moment, it looked like it had worked. Arthur would be subdued instead of agitated and handsy.

Merlin only took a single step to begin following Arthur to parts unknown when a hand, weak and frail but desperate, clamped down around his wrist. Merlin's head whipped back around, stalling in his step even though he knew it would be very easily to get away from her. From the older woman who was looking up at him now…even when she was silent and scared, she was far better company to Merlin than Arthur had ever been. He could've sat by her and rambled about the most inane things for hours…it was actually more preferable than whatever Arthur was wanting from him. Perhaps she might even get Merlin out of going with Arthur…she hadn't wanted him to leave when he'd been fetching supplies to fix her. Of course she wouldn't want him to leave her for any undetermined amount of time. But then again…Arthur didn't really take Merlin seriously. He probably only thought Merlin was playing around with this whole…I wanna be a physician thing. Which meant Arthur was only going to continue upsetting his …patient?…his patient by refusing to leave. But Merlin wasn't a real physician anyway, so it probably wasn't even right for him to refer to her like that…

"…Consort Merlin…" the woman suddenly rasped out, and Merlin stiffened, with his eyes growing wide in surprise. He hadn't heard the woman speaking before and he had honestly thought the trauma of what she'd been through had been too much for her to handle. And yet…here she was…the first words said being his title. Arthur somehow ended up forgotten for the moment as Merlin got to a knee by her side. Hearing what this woman had to say…it was always going to be more important than being dragged away for another one of Arthur and his hissy fits. But the woman seemed to struggle, licking her lips and making her hand go tighter around his wrist, though it hardly felt any tighter than how a small child would squeeze it. It looked as if she was having trouble figuring out how to use her tongue and her lips to form words. "…Consort Merlin…I did hear…heard all about your bravery. And your strength. And many people knew you would help us if we could only get here. But now…now I know about your kindness. And I'll…I'll make sure other people…know as well. We weren't wrong to trust you…"

That seemed to be all the woman could say, her hand falling away from Merlin as if she had lost every bit of her strength saying what she did. And the strong emotions building inside of Merlin…his throat clamped up, squeezing hard and making it hard for him to breathe. And his eyes grew damp with moisture…and the woman didn't even seem to know where she was any longer, staring off in space like she'd been this whole time. Having absolutely no idea of the major effect he just had on Merlin. She spoke of his bravery and his strength…it was the exact same thing Lancelot had bragged about before he realized Merlin is the one he was talking about. And it was similar to what those people who had witnessed the fight between Arthur and Lancelot had been whispering about…knew we could trust him…only one brave enough to stand up to him…actually listened to him…Merlin didn't know what the people on the outskirts spoke of about him that differed so much from the people in the village, but it was clear they heard different stories. Or maybe it was just because they weren't inside the actual city, and didn't see Merlin's failures as vividly as those who lived in the area did. But…a muscle jumped somewhere in Merlin's jawline…he wasn't going to let her or these people down.

From what Merlin had gathered, these people…they had spoken of him during their travels. Came all this way because they thought he would help them, all because of stories Merlin had no chance of keeping up with. And yet, Merlin is already letting them down by showing fear for Arthur…a stupid fear that he had refused to feel ever since he had taken off his wedding ring. What the hell had Merlin been doing these last few minutes…not exactly cowering. But allowing for Arthur to call the shots and make the decisions around here. It was just as Lancelot had said…Arthur didn't get to do things just because they happened to be married. Merlin didn't HAVE to do anything just because he was married to the prince. Merlin was stronger than that, or at least…he wanted to be much stronger than that. And he wasn't about to start going backwards and become that daft little terrified boy Arthur had turned him into. He needed to keep this in mind…keep the fury and indignation and power inside his heart. Or he might find somebody he didn't like staring back at him in the mirror…again.

Merlin WANTED to look himself in the mirror and not be disgusted by what was greeting him.

'Heard of your bravery-'

Well…Merlin would just have to give the people what they wanted. And stop all this wretched behavior from festering into something he would no longer have a chance to control. HE was the one in charge. And ARTHUR is nothing but the maniac who was unable to control his temper. ARTHUR didn't get to call any of the shots, nor decide what Merlin was going to do. It was about time the blond remembered that. Just because the three of them were no longer in the midst of a battle, didn't mean things had changed. Arthur was a terrorizer and these people had been through enough without their own prince adding to their pain …Merlin Pendragon rose to his feet. As silent as the night creeping around till it could claim what had been the day's, and connected eyes with Arthur.

It was time to be brave and stay that way.

"…I am going to go over to that wall, and I'm going to allow you to speak to me, Arthur. That is as far as I am willing to go with you because you are the type of man I see that will take your creepy possessiveness and use it to lock me away or something because I 'embarrassed you' earlier by forcing you to stop going on a murderous rampage. You, Arthur, will have all of twenty seconds to speak and convince me as to why I am bothering to have this conversation at all. And that is because there are bigger things to worry about besides your ego, just a few seconds of my time seems very fair after what you've done to me. Hell, it sounds like it's even running in your favor, so be grateful that you're getting it to begin with. I simply don't want you disrupting these people after what they have been through, which is why I am only agreeing to begin with."

Merlin pointed off to the wall situated by the gates, people weren't arriving to the kingdom any longer, so it was now bare and desolate except for the very few people who had collapsed in the entranceway. But they weren't going to be a problem. Arthur, as far as Merlin was able to see, was the only problem around here. Which was why, if they were going to have any type of talk, then it was going to be sorely on Merlin's terms. If Arthur didn't think he could get what he wanted out in twenty seconds, then Merlin couldn't be bothered with listening to him for a second longer. Lives were on the line here, and all Arthur wanted to do was 'talk' to him, as if his fit couldn't wait until after the creature was found and ended…so it couldn't hurt anymore people. Some beasts…they just couldn't be saved. Like Arthur couldn't be saved. He was always going to be the boy who hurt Merlin, no matter what lies or false truths he continued to spread about wanting to 'protect Merlin' or 'stop others from dishonoring him'. Nothing but a bunch of bull, and Merlin had no time for such crap.

"But I warn you now, Arthur Pendragon, if you so much as put a single finger on me while I am there, then I am going to walk away. No questions asked and no screaming. It doesn't exactly get through to you. So I'm just going to leave. If you so much as raise your voice at me, then I will do the same. You are not going to yell at me as if I'm supposed to follow your orders and do what I am told without question." Merlin continued, laying down the law for Arthur, being adamant that this was something he was going to stick too. Arthur clearly had to be trained on how to deal with other people. Merlin didn't exactly know just what Arthur had been taught during his fancy private lessons as a child, but it was clear people weren't part of the curriculum. That was where Merlin had to come in at. Arthur was going to do things his way if he ever expected Merlin to continue entertaining him again after this. "I already told you once that I'm not one of your soldiers, and I am not one of your men. You don't get to shout your orders at me. I will go and I will leave at my own discretion. Tell me now if this is something you cannot handle. Because I am sure that the dozens of people here have came here today, would be more than happy to do things my way."

Once again, it was a gamble that Merlin was taking…just because the woman behind him had called him brave and strong and kind, it didn't mean all of the other people felt the same. Merlin was still doubtful about how people thought about him in the outskirts villages, but he was also betting on Arthur's insane need to always interfere in his life. Merlin had done much to Arthur…he'd gone and scratched him, jumped him, punched him, stabbed him with a quill, kneed him between the legs, thrown books at his head, screamed until he was bloody blue in the face. So, that made Merlin pretty confident right about now. He and Arthur both knew Merlin didn't make idle threats like this. If Arthur touched or yelled, then Arthur would never get to tell Merlin what he wanted too. And if he decided the rules should not apply to him, then it was not going to be any skin off Merlin's back. He was more than happy to continue with what he was doing, wrapping bandages and laying on the cream.

But…the prince nodded his head without much protest, and Merlin thinned his lips. It honestly could've gone either way, the consort had figured. Arthur may have tried spitting at the rules, or his need to talk to Merlin would be stronger. But Merlin had made the rules, and the rules he would honor. Unlike Arthur, he kept to his end of the bargain without making people jump through hoops that they shouldn't have too. So, without looking at Lancelot-who Merlin was sure would keep an eye on him now that Merlin had dictated where they would be-and without looking at Arthur, the consort strode past them. Heading straight to the little stretch of wall connected to the drawbridge…one, two, three…was all the seconds Merlin managed to count down before Arthur was arriving right beside him. Clearly knowing full well that twenty seconds would pass him by in a blink of an eye if he procrastinated so he could spit a few venomous insults at Lancelot.

"Merlin, please tell me that you weren't really serious! I mean…I need to know that you aren't going too…you won't…Merlin, crap. You cannot say things like that. I mean…I'm doing this wrong, aren't I? But I need to know if what you are saying is true or not before I can say anything else." Was the first words Arthur greeted him with, fumbling over himself in an anxious mess of nerves. It made Merlin raise an eyebrow, not entirely certain what he was talking about…it was not like Arthur to show his nerves. Merlin hadn't even been sure the arrogant fool had them. It was usually Merlin making the fool of himself, unable to get his tongue untangled enough to spit out what he wanted. But Arthur took this large breath before trying again, keeping his voice soft. "Are you planning on seriously trying to hurt yourself again? Because if you are…you're gonna hate me for this, I just know it! And you're going to walk away and never speak with me again, but…you CAN'T hurt yourself. Or I'll have to inform Gaius. And they will…they'll tie you to your bed or something to prevent it from happening. And you won't like that. And…"

If Merlin wasn't completely crazy right now, he could've sworn that there were honest to god tears in Arthur's eyes. A panic Merlin didn't think he had seen in his four months here, being directed at him from Arthur. At least not while the consort had been conscious…Merlin's entire spine went stiff. Remembering all the strange visions he'd been having when he'd been on the brink of death just after the poisoning…how he had seen Arthur completely freaking out among a forest far from Camelot. The slamming of a blade against a tree, the desperate screams of pain that could rock an entire nation that had actually came out of the prince's mouth as he fell onto his knees, pressing his forehead against the hilt of the blade so hard that it could've made him bleed. If Arthur wasn't such an unimaginable bastard, Merlin might actually believe his feelings were being genuine. That Arthur was truly going to fall apart if Merlin ever hurt himself like that again…Merlin thinned his lips and hardened his heart. Arthur's weirdness meant nothing compared to the life Merlin had been forced to lead.

"What I do and don't do with my life is mine to choose, Arthur. But just so you do not go running off to Gaius and end up giving my uncle a heart attack, you have got nothing to fear. I won't be doing anything, and you can continue to be a possessive bastard for many years to come, barring anybody from managing to actually kill me off next time." Merlin said bluntly, casually tucking his hands behind his back, hiding the shame that came with the scars on his wrists as it Arthur would be able to see them past the cloth. He wasn't going to show the markings off again, not like he had last time, when he'd flung them in Arthur's face to show him what he'd forced Merlin to do. Merlin had never been shamed by the things he'd done to Arthur in return, but using his suicide attempt as he had…it wasn't one of his best ideas. And Merlin ruefully shook his head, "But I do believe that you've got a temper, Arthur. One that needs to be reined in…it was only moments ago that I saw you threatening Lancelot with his soon to be position in your army. Only minutes after you tried to kill him. Which also happened only seconds before you apologized to the townspeople. Are you incapable of remaining consistent or what? Or does your possessiveness over me truly have no bounds, that Lancelot even standing near me is enough of a reason for you to try and chop his head off?"

Merlin had truly came over here to listen to Arthur's ramble for those twenty brief seconds, but it was Arthur that brought his suicide attempt back into his focus. And it was Merlin that had opened that particular line of conversation when he'd been stupid enough to use it as Arthur would use a blade…a deadly weapon meant to incite fear and panic. Arthur had only reacted as Merlin had wished for him too…one couldn't possibly escape the shame of being known as the man whose consort killed himself in order to escape him. But that did not mean they had to stay on that topic…Merlin was done pretending that he wasn't fully aware of how possessive Arthur was over him. Done pretending as if this whole thing wasn't completely insane. Done pretending as if Arthur was not some kind of freak for not wanting him, yet not wanting anybody else to be near him. Even Merlin having a male friend, seemed to be too much for Arthur to live with. And that was just…completely insane. There was really no words in their language that could've described it better. Just as Arthur didn't have any right to look as relieved as he did, ragged breaths escaping him as if he'd just ran from one end of Camelot to the other, now that he knew Merlin wouldn't be dropping dead anytime soon.

"Good, good. I mean…that's good. You shouldn't hurt yourself. I mean…I don't want you to EVER hurt yourself, Merlin. Especially not because of me or due to my…possessiveness to you…" it was strange, hearing Arthur admitting that he has got a possessive streak towards Merlin. Merlin would've thought the blond would try denying it, or pretending it didn't exist, or gaslighting Merlin to make him think he was crazy, instead of admitting what the truth really was. Arthur's made it quite clear that he was willing to draw blood for Merlin, willing to keep him all but chained by his side…there was no hiding it now. Especially after the whole scene by the stables. God, the prince didn't even like Lancelot sleeping in the same home as him…that was possessiveness cranked up to a thousand degrees higher than what it should ever be. And Arthur reached up to grab at a fistful of his hair, toiling with the words lingering on his tongue, debating just what he should say… "I really can't…help this, Merlin. I try telling myself that I need to be better for you, do things differently. And I know you don't believe I can actually do it, and everything I try only proves you right. But I've got…this thing inside of me. There's something…wrong with me. I imagine the way that you and Lancelot are together, and…my blood starts pounding. But I can't hurt you so I go after him. And…possessiveness is right. I find myself…not liking the idea of you being with other people. And I do the only thing that I can do, and it only makes you madder at me, and…"

Arthur trailed off, and he shook his head violently while looking disgusted with himself…Merlin frowned heavily. Arthur didn't have any right to be disgusted at himself…it should be Merlin disgusted with HIM. Who in their right mind would try and lay claim over another person? Who in their right mind would scorn the same person, and then act like some kind of caveman defending their territory from invaders? But again, perhaps that was the problem…Arthur wasn't in his right state of mind. No sane person could do the things Arthur had done, and spend so much of his time making excuses for it. At least Arthur was admitting he had problems now, but admitting it was only going to get somebody so far, if they didn't stop doing this kind of shit. It wasn't as if Arthur actually had one thing wrong with him. This wasn't some kind of medical issue that made Arthur prone to bursts of unreasonable emotion. This was just Arthur being…Arthur. It couldn't be helped with medications or potions. Not if Arthur got so angry with people being near him…that wasn't healthy.

"…Your temper is yours to control. And I don't care how you do it, but you WILL control it, Arthur. Do you understand me? I honestly don't care if you're unable to stand the thought of me being friends with Lancelot. You are the one that is convincing yourself that I'm 'with' Lancelot, and the one that won't believe me when I say I'm not dating him just because I'm trying to help him out." Said the consort, bluntly and unforgiving, and…Arthur laughed at him. No, thought the consort with a persistent frown. Arthur wasn't laughing AT him. Arthur's laugh looked more like…insanity. Insanity because he thought Merlin was still trying to pretend he wasn't seeing Lancelot in a romantic sense? Insanity because he was truly starting to splint at the seams…but no. Arthur didn't know what it felt to be torn apart in a thousand different pieces and having others expecting to watch you tear more of yourself apart for them. Merlin squared his shoulders and continued on in a surprisingly steady tone, "Your possessiveness is not an issue I should have to deal with…ever. I don't know what I did or what I've done to make you…fixate on me for whatever reason, but our marriage hardly gives you a proper reason to behave as you did. Both at the stables and now when you approached me-"

Merlin stopped himself short when Arthur raised his head to look back at him, as if he thought Merlin was actually joking with him. The consort felt a burst of irritation going through him, lips thinning enough to make them appear white beneath the sunlight. He had been right then, to not go anywhere with Arthur, if he thought this was an appropriate time to make fun of him. Merlin had not been the one destroying property and scaring children and trying to kill a man who had done nothing but help Merlin upon his arrival in the kingdom. Merlin had every right in the world to walk away right here and right now…it mattered not that Arthur hadn't rose his voice or tried grabbing a hold of him. Arthur's nothing more than a…a…a possessive pig that needed to be the one who got slaughtered so others can feast on his insides. Like the crows. A feast meant for the birds was more important than anything Arthur could do when he was a possessive arsehole.

"Really, Merlin? You honestly have no idea why I am so fixated on you? You've got absolutely no idea why I am obsessed with you? I would've thought it was quite obvious. In fact, it's probably the exact same reason all of those men you 'date' are fixated on you. And I'm only one of the many…" Arthur started saying to him, and Merlin's belly twisted sharply, like a punch to the stomach. Arthur had said 'date' as if there was some kind of double meaning in the word, but it was something Merlin couldn't figure out for the life of him. And Arthur's eyes were wide, roaming over him up and down like Merlin should know exactly why Arthur and these 'men' he thought Merlin was going out with, were so fixated with him. But again…Merlin couldn't understand, and why did he agree to walk over here to begin with…was it really because he was determined to put Arthur in his place once and for all? Or was it because he was nothing more than just a glutton for punishment throwing himself into these situations because Merlin didn't know what a life without pain really was. "Should I tell you? Should I tell you what drives me absolutely mad every time I look at you. Should I tell you of your hair, and how it's blacker than a ravens feather and makes me want to try and touch it to see if it's just as soft? People might even claim the way that the strands curving around your ears make you look…delicate."

Merlin stopped short, blinking rapidly several times as he mulled those words over in his head again and again until they blended together…blacker than the feather of a raven…soft to the touch…out of all the things Arthur could've been wanting to stop about, that was…absolutely nowhere on the list. Perhaps it had not been what Arthur had wanted to talk about at all, but had simply ended up distracted as Merlin had. But whatever it was…it made Merlin insanely aware of his hair now, the prickling of strands around his ears making him want to cover them up so Arthur wouldn't see the 'elephant ears', as people used to call him when he was a kid. Made him look…delicate, was what Arthur said. Is that why Arthur thought he could storm right over him all this time, because he had got some weird notion in his mind that Merlin was…delicate? Why the hell was the prince even talking about his hair right now anyway? It was normal hair. Messy and untamable with tufts sticks out and the odd curl here and there…it's most definitely something liable to put people off of him. Not make them want to go and fixate on him…

"But oh, if I want to start talking about your hair, then I have to start talking to you about your eyes. I mean, did you know that they are blue. Like…extremely blue. I didn't even know blue eyes could look that shade…did you ever realize blue isn't even my favorite color? I told you that once, didn't I? Many months ago, I just couldn't stop staring at their shade when you were looking at me as you were." Arthur seemed to be getting it now, words flying out of his mouth so fast that Merlin could barely keep up with it through his stunned shock…he definitely remembered the moment Arthur had been talking about. That first time Merlin had dressed him in his armor before the tourney, and Merlin asked him what his favorite color was because he had been trying to get to know him as a man and as his husband. It had never occurred to Merlin that blue really hadn't been Arthur's favorite color. But he had absolutely no idea what Arthur meant by…the way Merlin had been looking at him? How had Merlin looked at him? Back then…Merlin wouldn't have been angry. He would've looked at him like he looked at everybody else. "And they don't even stay the same shade of blue, do you know how many times I've looked at you and realized that there is a new shade that I've got to memorize? You get angry at me and I swear, I am looking at the ocean when they crash on the shore during a vicious storm. Or when I've upset you, I swear…it's looking into a tundra of ice. I think that I do hate that one the most though, I can't stand it when you get cold on me and start freezing me out. And I've only caught a glimpse of the other shades…you never direct them at me and it's another thing that drives me mad. You talk on about Lancelot or Gwen or whatever's caught your fancy and they look bright. Like the sky on the clearest of blue days. And your eyes are a dark shade so I am not even sure how that's possible but it is. And don't even get me started on your eyelashes…I am sure I have seen women with shorter and less thicker lashes than you've got."

Merlin swallowed hard, bringing a hand up towards his eyes, silently brushing his finger along the curve of it…what the ever loving fuck. He had never once thought he would be standing here and listening to Arthur ranting about what his problem was with Merlin's eyes. He should probably be offended that the prince was lecturing him on having…eyelashes like a woman? Did women and men even have different types of lashes…it wasn't something Merlin had ever noticed before. And yet, it seemed as if Arthur had given this more thoughts than Merlin would have thought possible. And ranting about the color of his eyes…it was something that a crazy person would do. A madman might even try to gorge Merlin's eyes out if the color really upset them that much…is that what this was leading too? Is Arthur still running off his angry fumes and was now planning on gorging Merlin's eyes out with his fingernails? Is that what he would've done if Merlin didn't demand they stay here, in full view of the people around them. Or was Arthur still planning on doing it…

"Oh, and don't even get me started on your nose, it's so dainty and small and I bet you sound funny when you sneeze. And the paleness of your skin…I have seen you outside and do you know that you don't tan? I mean, I know that you must know that about yourself right now? But it's something I've just noticed…see, I'm still learning these random facts about you! You don't tan! It's like one big endless white…like milk or the moonlight during a cloudless night." Arthur continued on his rant, gesturing his hand up and down as if to indicate Merlin and his…paleness. Merlin followed his gaze down, his skin pinpricking beneath the intense stare of the prince. Down to his hands, the only part of him he was able to see that wasn't covered by his clothing, and yeah…his hands actually were white. He had never thought twice about it before now… "And then I have got to wonder what the other man you see, men like Lancelot, who must have seen what was beneath your clothes. And if they've also noticed how white all your skin is. And that it must be even whiter beneath since you keep yourself covered up for the most part. No sun even has a chance of darkening you up-"

Merlin couldn't have controlled the startled squeak that erupted from his lips, completely shattering the strict-I will kill you if you upset me-attitude he had been trying to project. His entire face was practically glowing because of how red he was turning…what the ever loving fuck was Arthur talking about…why in the world did he seem to think anybody would've seen him naked? Especially Lancelot…the last person who saw him naked was his own mother. And that'd been when he was still too young to dress himself properly. Not even his best friend Will had seen him unclothed, so where in the world would Arthur even get such an idea stuck in his head? Why would he think Merlin, just…what did he think? That Merlin undressed himself for the fun of it? Merlin couldn't really see the fun in that. It just sounded like something embarrassing, his heart rate picking up so fast that it felt like it was trying to beat its way out of his chest…it hurt. But not more so than Arthur's utter ridiculousness!

"And then you've got that mouth of yours-" Arthur continued on his rant, not seeing the horrific expression growing and growing on Merlin's face until it got twisted into something almost unrecognizable. His hand flying to his lips…and all Merlin could think was….Arthur's gonna somehow start blaming him for him kissing him all those weeks ago. And Merlin wanted to stop this, to do what he had said and just leave without question, but he felt as if his feet had gotten nailed to the ground. "Do you even realize the things that happen whenever you start speaking? I am forever torn between wanting to rattle your skull until you have got nothing left to say. Or I want to just stand there and listen to you go prattling on because some of the things you say are actually interesting. Or it's a good point, or something I haven't thought of. And then I wonder what other ideas you've got in that head of yours. Only you hate me now so I'm not going to get to hear anymore. And you're probably sharing all your thoughts now to whoever you're hanging around with this week! And I'm left behind. So yes, I'm possessive of you because I should be the one to be around you! No one else! Not men like…him. Or whoever else! And it drives me bloody insane and I don't know how to react! So yes, Merlin. Forgive me if I am unable to control myself in certain situations like at the stables!"

Arthur finally reached a stopping point, breathing raggedly as if his air had just ran out of his lungs. And Merlin still didn't budge…perhaps there was the odd person or two out there who would have taken what Arthur said and declared it the…greatest thing they've heard? How many people told others that they may actually like it when they talk…it has certainly never been said to Merlin before a day in his life. People usually got irritated by him because he talked so much, and Arthur had never been any different. So why would he say something like that now? Why would he say something so…cruel. It's not as if he didn't know how Arthur thought of him. How much Arthur hated him…this…it had to be just another trick of Arthur's. Apologizing a thousand times hadn't worked for him, and neither had his stupid date or his stupid trial or his stupid assault against Lancelot to 'protect Merlin.' So now he was trying something new…trying to act as if he couldn't control himself. That was a lie! Everything Arthur told him was nothing but a lie! Another way to make Merlin pliant and willing to do whatever the crown asked for him as consort. That was the only thing Arthur had cared about before, making Merlin their consort.

"I'm leaving."

Merlin saw the exact moment Arthur realized what he had just said, the horror on his face twisting until it resembled the horror that Merlin had felt. Merlin did not give him the chance to say or do anything else that would completely freak him out again. As far as Merlin was concerned, his word was law right now, and he didn't have to subject himself to this…weirdness…anymore. Merlin spun off on his heel, and started striding back across the crowd of people as quickly as his feet could carry him, back to where Lancelot and that woman were waiting on the other side of the area. Trying to push the distraught expression on his face away, but he couldn't. Not with his chest rattling with every breath he was taking, not with his legs feeling as if they had been turned into led, not without the final words Arthur screamed after him rattling around in his mind.

"Wait! Wait! Merlin! I am so sorry! I didn't mean any of that! I didn't mean to say any of that! Please! That wasn't even what I was planning on asking you to do! Just come back! FUCK!"

Merlin didn't dare look back even once, though he could have sworn he heard the sound of something hitting something else…perhaps Arthur slamming his fist into the stone wall as hard as he could? Merlin didn't care to find out, only walking faster in order to get as far away from Arthur as he could possibly get right now. He wanted to wash his entire brain, and scrub away everything that the prince had just said. Merlin still didn't understand half of what Arthur had been going on about, or what the simple details like his eyes or his hair or his skin or the way he spoke had anything to do with why Arthur was so fixated on him. Or why he thought Merlin made it a habit of undressing in front of other people…even now Merlin subconsciously tugged his jacket closed to hide as much of his body as he could. But he did know one thing…okay, two things. One…this possessiveness he had over Merlin…it went far deeper than the consort had thought. Deeper than any ocean and more wilder than any explosion, and it was more terrifying than anything else in the world. The kind of terror Merlin hadn't felt since Arthur hit him, the kind of terror Merlin hadn't felt since Arthur had stuck his own tongue down his throat, the kind of terror that came with knowing…Arthur was always going to be there.

And two…

Arthur Pendragon was an utter freak!

X

Arthur Pendragon had always known what a fucking mess his husband made of his head. It had been like that from the very start, ever since Arthur had met Merlin, and the first strings of agitation grew when he saw the other decide to start walking away from him without being dismissed. Arthur had known Merlin was trouble, he just hadn't realized how much trouble he was going to be. Nor had he realized how much he would end up drowning in it, spewing out things that had only resided in the depths of his mind. Speaking to nobody, not even a single soul, about how twisted up Merlin made him. And then he had gone and done it to Merlin, the very same Merlin that he was trying to fix his relationship with.

Like a complete and utter moron.

Arthur didn't even know why he had done it…the only reason he had called the consort over to begin with, was because he wanted to ask Merlin if he would be willing to stay inside the castle while all of this was going on. Away from the chaos, and away from danger since it seemed like the creature was starting to get closer and closer to Camelot now. Returning to their boarders once again…in hindsight, it would have been stupid to ask. Merlin would never hide away as Arthur got down to work…Merlin liked to get…involved. But even asking had to be less stupid than what he had done…maybe Arthur had simply been looking to find some answers of his own. HE knew why he was obsessed with the boy, and he knew why OTHERS were obsessed with the boy. His consort just had a whole…everything…that drew people to him. But maybe Arthur had wanted the boy to understand him, wanted him to acknowledge Arthur wasn't strange for behaving out of order because it was MERLIN he was acting out of order for.

God…it sounded so stupid now that Arthur was thinking about it.

And it had probably set him miles back from Merlin…not as if he'd been getting anywhere with him.

But it was no wonder Merlin had taken off.

Arthur would've probably done the same.

In fact, Arthur had pretty much done exactly the same. Racing all the way back to the castle, leaving Merlin alone with HIM…god, Arthur was never going to be able to look Merlin in the eye after this, was he?…and once Arthur managed to reach his room, he enlisted in the help of Servant George to get him dressed in his armor. As fast as he could, he was in full gear and ready for a fight. Maybe it was stupid, considering he didn't have anything to fight right now, but there was no reason he couldn't be prepared to ride out the second they get word of where this creature attacking their kingdom was. Though…Arthur knew he had only gotten prepared because he figured it would keep his mind off of Merlin, or at least give him something to do. Something to keep him occupied so that he wouldn't storm back down to the courtyard and start sprouting off another bout of truths that were liable to chase Merlin off again.

Like how Merlin's skin must be deceptively soft…

Or how his men must like Merlin's bottom because it curved just so…

Or how his rambling must be even worse during the throes of his passion…

Or how Merlin was a dark angel, both wicked and benevolent…

All things that Arthur knew he shouldn't want to know, but desperately wanted to anyway. Just to sate his curiosity, the depravity of such horrid things meant to lure Arthur in, like a fog encompassing his mind until there was nothing left in the world other than him and Merlin. And all the time in the world, time that would be best spent teaching Merlin not to fear how possessive he was. But it scared Arthur sometimes too, even though he had largely came to accepting it as a part of himself. It had been for a part of him for four months now, and the prince knew it wasn't going anywhere. Which was why Arthur needed to learn how he could control it….it was as Merlin had said. He shouldn't have to deal with Arthur's possessive nature. It wasn't as if he asked to be as…alluring as he was.

He just didn't know how…

And he had already screwed things up…

So it was best for Arthur to do what he always did when things weren't going the way he hoped they would.

Ignore the problem, and push it as far into the back of his mind as it could go, and throw himself into his work. Which was exactly why he was now striding down one of the many hallways of the castle, his father walking alongside him after being informed about what was going on at the gates. And discussing the possible tactics they could go with to ensure the safety of the people, but this conversation did not feel as if it was going anywhere at all. The beast could be anywhere at this very moment, even flying high above the city right now, only too high for them to see with the naked eye. Ready to swoop in and grab onto the first person-Merlin-that it could get its talons around.

"I just don't know how I am meant to track this thing. It would be easy if it was a land creature, tracks on the ground are easy to follow, broken branches and leaves out of place…prints on the ground. But a creature that can fly is going to be much more difficult, for even our most skilled trackers." Arthur spoke to his father, both of them speed walking through the hall…Arthur wasn't a bad tracker. In fact, he could easily keep up with the men who had been trained as trackers specifically, the knights who had been noted during training as able to notice the smaller things most people dismissed. They were trained working with the hunting dogs and such, though the hunting dogs weren't going to be of any help here. "We cannot track a creature that can take off to the air in a moment's notice. And it seems to land and wreak havoc wherever it pleases only to disappear until it comes back down again."

Arthur's frustration for this beast was growing…though the longer this creature continued to be a problem, the less likely Arthur's old theory was true. It could not have been sent by the sorceress that had tried to kill him after becoming obsessed with Merlin herself…she was still out there. But surely that creature would have tried taking Merlin already if he was the true target. Not wasting its time by destroying these other villages and forcing these people away from all of their homes. But even with that theory being taken out of the equation, then it still left Arthur with no means on destroying it. He wasn't even any closer to finding it! Wild animals just went wherever the wind took them, they roamed all along the countryside on a whim. Free to go and be wherever they wanted. He doubted magical creatures, especially ones that could fly and make twice the distance in half the amount of time, was any different. There was no telling of where the creature would land next, or if it planned to return to the city though it had already been here a few days ago…when it had attacked Merlin the first time.

"There's no reason to track it down at all, all you have to do is anticipate what its next move will be. It's leaving a trail everywhere that it goes, and it won't be hard to find it once we know where it will land next." King Uther told him, but it made Arthur's eyebrow furrowed. If there was a pattern somewhere in where it had attacked, then Arthur hadn't seen it yet. But his father seemed to already know what the pattern is. "Greenwood is the town that had been attacked, the one that we visited a few days ago. And I've gotten reports from the knights in the courtyard, they've reported that many of the villagers showing up came all the way from Willowdale. This creature is heading its way down south. Toward the mouth of the valley, and I'm sure you know what extends just beyond that valley, Arthur."

Uther stopped walking the same time that Arthur did, Arthur's insides starting to freeze over at the king's implications. His father was facing him, so Arthur got a pretty good look at himself in the reflection of the window just beyond his father's shoulder..the horror…Merlin. Arthur's heart jumped a bit, though he had to remind himself…the creature wasn't actually here. Not yet, at least. And just because Merlin was outside, just because he was out in the open and liable to getting hurt…didn't mean that he was going to get hurt. The creature probably wouldn't even show up today, having already feasted on whoever it'd taken from its attack on Willowdale. But it could show up tomorrow, or it could show up next week, or even next month! It didn't matter when though because both him and his father knew…exactly where its next target would be.

"Camelot."

Uther nodded, looking solemn about the impending attack that was heading their way and Arthur stumbled past him without thought, legs feeling as if they were going to collapse beneath him. He fell against the window he had been looking through, his hands landing on the stone sill beneath it, clenching down around the rough stone as his eyes darted across the dozens of people that were scattered about in the courtyard. Arthur was so high in his window, that everybody down below looked almost like ants, and he darted from one figure to the next, trying to seek out that one specific person that made him ache all over with just the thought. But it was hard to pick Merlin out, making him dart his eyes a bit faster and a bit more desperate, not content until he could rest his eyes on Merlin himself.

But there seemed to be only the village people, and several guards that were surrounding the perimeter to make sure nobody who didn't need to be there got too close to what was going on. Making sure people who only wanted to gawk but offer no real assistance stayed out of the way from those that were actually doing something…if only those people had arrived five minutes earlier than they had, maybe Arthur would have been snapped out of his murderous rage before Merlin had to step in and stop him himself. Exactly how many of the people gawking at the survivors, were people who had seen Arthur as he behaved like, well…like a beast! Exactly how many people were saved from his utter shitshow, because MERLIN had stepped in to stop him. And how could it even be possible for Arthur to have lost somebody as luminous as Merlin, even in a crowd such as this. It didn't seem possible. But it also didn't seem as if it was possible for Arthur to lose control, and not just once, as publicly as he has done. He was going to have to make a list of the shops that had gotten caught in his crossfire later, to make up for what he had caused…that would be easier than getting a step closer to Merlin was.

But first…finding Merlin…a hand landed heavily on his shoulder, though Arthur didn't stop his searching to look. He already knew it was his father, and Uther had no knowledge of the panic stirring in his mind. He was sure if Uther knew of his current thoughts, or any of his thoughts concerning Merlin, would most likely throw him off one of the towers himself. Only heir be damned. It was very likely that Uther only thought Arthur was looking out at the kingdom, trying to memorize the towers and the streets and the archways, and the hundreds and hundreds of people that were going to be his responsibility one day. If only his father knew there was only ONE that concerned him at the moment, he would not be so calm.

"You must prepare your knights, Arthur."

Arthur nodded absentmindedly, having already known he would need to get his men ready and training for the fight ahead. Hard to do when the new recruits he had been training were such utter failures, trying to coast by with their names instead of having any actual work ethic. But Arthur had several elite knights he knew may be up to the challenge, that would be willing to face this thing directly when it came for them. But Arthur would never be able to fight at his normal standard if he couldn't think properly…Merlin was going to end up getting him killed off one of these day…THERE! Arthur practically jolted against the window when he straightened up, his eyes locking on a single figure that had just stood up from the crowd of sitting peasants.

Merlin.

Now that Arthur was seeing him, it was hard to believe that he had missed him before, and already, Arthur could feel his breathing coming a bit easier. And he watched as Merlin walked to another one of the peasants, kneeling down to do whatever it was he did…taking care of Arthur's people better than Arthur could have. Better than Arthur had been. Better than Arthur had treated Merlin…but the prince's jaw clamped tight as he noticed another man following behind the consort…Lancelot. Still keeping a vigil guard over his consort, watching him in a way Arthur wasn't allowed. Because Merlin sure wasn't telling Lancelot to go backing up from him. Arthur didn't want to 'share' Merlin's attentions with that stranger, but he also knew it wasn't his choice. Merlin had already made it very clear that he wasn't going to entertain Arthur's possessive tendencies, and no matter how much Arthur wished it…Merlin wasn't a toy. He wasn't something that Arthur could just lock away in his room for hours at a time and stare at to his heart's content. He wasn't a pet that would allow Arthur to run his fingers through his hair, allow him to feed him, allow him to sit beside until they both got tired of the other's company. He was a person…with thoughts and feelings and emotions and a backbone that Arthur hadn't known what to do with.

And Arthur's only trait seemed to be possessiveness…

Which Merlin hated…

"Don't worry father, I am sure that this isn't going to be the end for Camelot. I have tangled with beasts before, and I know that this will not be any different. We just need to have faith." Arthur said in a low murmur, never taking his eyes off of Merlin…he could see Lancelot handing something to him, and he could see Merlin giving him a generous nod before returning to his work. His words kept coming back to him…have faith. He needed to have faith that things were going to be okay between him and Merlin. Have faith that he could fix things between them…he just needed to keep working at it. And put his possessiveness into a box inside of him, somewhere tight and secure where it wouldn't be able to disturb Merlin any longer. "My knights will be prepared and ready to destroy this beast when it finally makes a move against us."

Uther didn't say anything, but Arthur could see the reflection of the man right behind him nodding his head in agreement, before Arthur turned back his eyes to where they always wondered…Merlin. Merlin and Lancelot…the stranger was to become the newest of his knights, all to make Merlin happy. And after what skills Arthur had seen Lancelot with during their fight, it was very likely that he would be able to pass all the tests Arthur made his men go through before the path of the sword could become theirs. Arthur still had his self doubt about all of this though, but-as his heart pulsed with agitation-he knew it was only due to his possessiveness. He wanted to explain to Merlin that Lancelot was not a good fit to be among his men. But that was the very same possessiveness that only got him into trouble. And it wasn't like Merlin was forcing a stranger that'd never lifted a blade in his life and was liable to get themselves killed within the first training session. No, he just had to pick the very handsome stranger who had managed to stay standing, for the most part, after Arthur came after him with full force. Merlin had good judgement though, the best actually, and so it was very likely Lancelot had a good, solid career as a knight ahead of him. And after Arthur hadn't seen the path his knights Julian and Bryon had been going down…could Arthur really trust his own judgement and go back on his word to allow Lancelot to go into the basic training program?

No…

He wouldn't do that.

Merlin might be liable to kill him.

"And I trust that your consort is doing well during all of this? I see that he's out there helping Gaius as well. As strange as it is for a consort to want to go and waste his time on learning healing practices, I suppose that something like this can only do wonders for his image. Allows less people to think you married him for his pretty face if he's actually doing something for them." King Uther said, suddenly enough that Arthur flinched, stomach muscles tensing now that the king was focused on the forbidden topic that was Merlin. Arthur glanced up to his father, but Uther had his eyes focused out the window…the prince only felt a brief irritation when he realized Uther had found Merlin on the ground easier than Arthur had. "You never did get a chance to tell me…how did your date go with the boy. Did he leave, pleased with your performance? I feel I do not have to warn you once again that Gaius will desert us if his nephew wasn't happy."

Arthur went stiff, his nails digging just briefly into the stone beneath his hands before he forced himself to relax before his father could see. As strange as he found it to hear his father call Merlin a…pretty face, when he was far more than just that…it was even stranger to hear Uther mentioning his date with the other boy so openly. His father had never been a very opened man, especially not to matters such as…men doing anything untoward with other men. But him asking about the date was at least less humiliating than that time, when he and Merlin had first married, and the first thing Uther had done was asked if he had been able to consummate the marriage. He had lied, back then, thinking he'd been protecting Merlin's virtue. But it looked as if he was going to have to lie about his process with Merlin all over again…he could hardly tell his father that their date had been spent entirely between two stalls, where Arthur's foot had been permanently stuck in his mouth and Merlin had left upset not only about them being on a date, but because Uther had orchestrated the idea. If his king knew the truth about what had happened, then Uther would no doubt orchestrate an even bigger plan that Arthur would have no other choice but to go along with. Something very public and obscene, something that would get the most public attention for their image together amongst the people. Perhaps this was where Arthur got his insane need to make their interactions public…

But Merlin would absolutely hate it.

And honestly…so would Arthur.

"It went as good as could be expected."

The lie came off of Arthur's tongue easier than it usually did, giving his father a briefly thin smile before turning back to the window…the lies he told his king concerning Merlin was starting to come easier to him. He wasn't entirely sure if that was a good thing or not…it was wrong to lie to his father, but it was also wrong dragging Merlin into the problems Arthur had caused. His father would not be encouraging them to make public appearances if Arthur hadn't ripped a hole between him and Merlin to begin with. Besides, Arthur had to grudgingly admit…his father's ideas weren't working. And neither were Arthur's. But there had to be a way to…soften Merlin up towards him. Though Arthur feared that it may be next to impossible, considering the little display he had pulled off back at the stables. That had only torn the hole between them into this giant cavern that Arthur would need to scale and cross with his bare hands before he could get any closer to Merlin.

"Good, I won't have Gaius leaving us just because you were unable to get that boy to like you just a little bit. Perhaps a few more positive dates could be the key to putting this whole mess behind us entirely, knowing our court physician no longer has any desire to leave." Uther said, not noting the double meaning Arthur had hid between his words, clamping his hand down on the blade of his shoulder to pat him. But to Arthur, it almost felt like he had just been hit with a sledgehammer, as he gave his father a forceful grin…he knew there was going to be no more 'dates' between him and Merlin. Say whatever you wanted about the prince, but he did learn his lessons. He might keep making mistakes but he knew better than repeat said mistakes, and a date was going to be completely off the table after how Merlin had reacted the last time. He only hoped that the consort hadn't said something to his uncle, which in turn would get back to his father…at least not until he had made some kind of headway. But it would also serve him right if all his lies blew up in his face like this. "The journey ahead of us Arthur…it won't be an easy one. And unfortunately, our future does rely and end with that boy. So I employ that you continue on with whatever you've been doing in order to make him complicit. Whatever needs to be done…there won't be any higher cost than that of the future of our kingdom."

Uther's voice had been grim, but at least he left Arthur by himself after he was given a firm nod…the prince tried to ignore the way his father's words had cut into his skin like hooks piercing him through his lungs and ribs and organs just to rip him open so his bleeding insides could be seen. The future of the entire kingdom…it was the only thing in the world that mattered. Not Arthur, or what he may have to do in order to make Merlin happy. But then again, thought the prince as he locked eyes on Merlin again, just as grim as his father had been as he watched Merlin handing something over to Lancelot, standing miles and miles above him, a silent observer to the consort who would never know he'd been watching him…there was very little Arthur wouldn't do in order to make Merlin happy. Very little that Arthur wouldn't put himself through, just to get rewarded with the same smile Merlin was giving Lancelot.

Complicit…was something Merlin would never be.

But when the day came in which Arthur finally made some kind of process with his consort, he knew he would as well as he knew that blood flowed through his veins…it was going to be very sweet, indeed. Sweeter than anything his father could've thought. This would probably be the hardest thing Arthur had ever done in his entire life, harder than any mission he had ever completed, harder than the few missions he had failed, harder than being the son of the king with expectations heaped upon him from birth. But when it happened, and Arthur had every hope that it would happen…it would be because Arthur had earned the trust that his consort so easily gave to others.

X

Arthur Pendragon would return to this spot at the window several times during the rest of the afternoon, drawn to it because of the high vantage point and it's easy access to watching Merlin working tirelessly without being seen and told how disturbing it was to keep such a close eye on him. Arthur would leave to make headway in his work, gathering his important knights in order to work out a plan of attack for when this creature made itself known. But as soon as a break would be called, Arthur could be found at the window, steadily growing more and more concerned when he noted…Merlin didn't take breaks. The boy would be working when Arthur left, and he would still be working whenever the prince returned. If he wasn't passing around bandages, then he was keeping himself busy by passing out fresh food and water that had been brought down by the kitchen servants to aid in the survivor's recovery. Camelot offering what they could as reparations for this beast ruining their homes.

And as the sun started to set…Arthur couldn't remember seeing Merlin taking a single morsel of food for himself. Oh, sure, perhaps Merlin had eaten or rested when Arthur stepped away to work, and had already returned to working by the time Arthur returned. But there was some part of Arthur that doubted it, prominent frown firmly in place and knowing after today's events…he couldn't bring it up to Merlin. It wasn't healthy for the other boy to skip meals…and Merlin should not be giving the food Arthur had been trying to provide for him to Morgana…he was already small enough as it was. Merlin would have much more for him to care for if he gained a bit more weight…a healthier weight. This was just one more thing for Arthur to obsess about, wanting to see bits of bread or cheese or a hearty side of beef sliding down his consort's throat, watching as his skin stretched to accommodate the extra …

It would've been fascinating if he could see that.

X

Merlin Pendragon sat on the front steps of the grand castle, alone and chilled as the sky started turning from blue to pink, and then to shades of orange and purple, and it wouldn't be long before it darkened completely. His feet ached like something fierce, throbbing in certain spots because of the work that he had been doing the last five or so hours. Merlin had been used to the constant flow of work from his farming days, but his body had gotten lax in the last four months, using muscles that he hadn't used in a while. His throat was dry, and his arms felt like they could fall right off of him, and he was completely, utterly alone. Watching as some of the guards started leading the people who hadn't been injured enough that they would need supervision throughout the night, to some place where they could rest. An old serving wing in the castle that would go mostly unused until the situation called for it to be open again, like now. He had been through one hell of a day. From Arthur's freakiness, to the people he had been helping, to now…a moment of rest.

And yet…Merlin was actually a little happy.

He watched, his knees tucked directly under his chin with his arms wrapped a little loosely around them, smiling lightly as the people were herded away from him. Some of them were looking back at him, some brave enough to wave with hands wrapped in bandages Merlin had provided for them, some bowing lowly enough that it had Merlin blushing, and some of the children too young to have realized how vastly 'above them' a consort was, that they waved eagerly with no restraint. It had felt really good, Merlin thought with embarrassment as he hid his smile behind his knees…helping people to calm down. Helping them to find love ones among the crowd they had gotten separated from. Getting one of the crying children to calm down by making funny faces at him until he had started to giggle, the mother watching with a relieved smile and thankful eyes of gratitude. Talking an elderly woman into eating a small loaf of bread since it would give her strength she desperately needed, clearly too old to have made the trip all the way to Camelot. Merlin had gone from one person to the next to help, passing out a few blankets here and there when the air had started to get cold. A never ending parade of people that had needed him in one way or the other…Merlin didn't think he had worked so consistently in one go, since he'd arrived in Camelot. So despite the aches and pains and the moaning because he knew it would be a pain to walk back to his bed…he was feeling pretty good for the most part…

"Here, Merlin. I noticed that you haven't been drinking much, and you've been working underneath the sun for hours. You need to stay hydrated or we'll have to be helping you if you pass out on us." A familiar voice said from beside him, Merlin blinked in surprise, having not noticed anybody arriving. Until a brown water skin was being shoved into his face, Merlin wasn't even sure where the man had gotten it from considering all the water they've passed around today had been in tin cups, filled from the buckets servants had brought in from the water pump. But Merlin took the water skin anyway, feeling the way it pushed and swished inside the material, though he didn't drink from it, as his company settled himself down on the steps by his side. "You need to take better care of yourself, if you plan on taking care of these people anymore. I'm sure many of them will feel guilty if they knew you were neglecting your basic needs for the sake of them."

Merlin still didn't drink, staring over at Lancelot…he was incredibly aware that this was the first time they were alone together, in semi privacy, since Arthur had told him who Merlin really was. Sure, he and Lancelot had briefly talked to each other the night before, when Lancelot had called him 'consort' before he had retired to sleep by the hearth. And they had seen each other earlier, but it was not like they could have any meaningful kind of conversation since Arthur was too busy trying to take his head off. And he could hardly count these last few hours…they might have been together but they've both been too busy and too stressed to say anything more than 'will you pass me that.' So yeah…it was the first time they were alone. Even Gwen had retired to her home over an hour ago, needing to make sure her father ate dinner before they went to bed. And now…Merlin didn't really know what to say…he wanted to spew out apologies for hurt he may have caused Lancelot for his deceit. It didn't feel like it could be something that he just…brushed under the rug and forgot about. Lancelot had been hurt by his lies, just like Merlin had been hurt by Arthur…the both of them needed that pain acknowledged. Or risk it festering beneath the skin till it grew into something unmanageable…

"I-"

Both Lancelot and Merlin spoke up the exact same time, turning to each other to say what was on their mind but they both stopped when it was apparent the other was trying to say something. Merlin flushed in embarrassment, with his fingers tapping anxiously on his water skin, but he waved his hand for the man to go first. Lancelot deserved to go first, though Merlin's stomach twisted into knots…he might regret Lancelot going first. Because he was sure that this was the moment Merlin's happiness creased to exist…the moment in which the man would let loose and tell Merlin exactly what he thought about him. How horrid and awful he was…how he was a terrible consort and not at all like the hero he had been gushing over all this time…that he was nothing but a disappointment compared to what he had been expecting…

"You're the best, you know that, right?"

Merlin stopped short, Lancelot's words racing through his mind as if he didn't quite understand them, before whipping his head back up to look at Lancelot, pink mouth gaping open just a little. The best…he was the best? Merlin would have called himself many things before, some things that he needed to brush out of his mind because it wasn't healthy to consider himself so crudely, but a 'best' wasn't something he had ever considered himself as. If Arthur had been the one to tell him that, even before Merlin realized how much of an absolute freak he was, Merlin would have automatically assumed Arthur was just trying to mess around with him. But this was Lancelot, the same Lancelot who looked at him so earnestly, almost like a puppy with those big brown eyes of his. Not a single trace of the lies Merlin usually detected from the people who needed to use him for their own selfish needs…

"No, I mean it for real, Merlin. So many nobles would have spent their time on the inside of the castle, being nosy by spying through the windows to watch all of the suffering going on down here. But doing nothing that would offer actual help with these people or these circumstances. And yet you were actually out there doing something." Lancelot exclaimed, a familiar tone that would usually turn up whenever Lancelot spoke about Merlin-about the consort-returning to his voice. It wasn't quite hero worship, but it was definitely something more, as he gestured in the direction the people had disappeared in. "And you were not just standing around. You were getting your hands dirty, on the ground next to their level, helping them…for hours! I tell you, that is the next story that will be passed around the kingdom. Some of those people will probably end up telling their grandchildren about this time someday…the day they ran to Camelot for relief and found it because of you."

Merlin's face went a pink color that Arthur would have called 'delicious', and he looked put out by the idea of another story being told about him. Merlin hadn't been doing anything because he thought it would be a 'good story' for others to hear about him, something fresh and new compared to the old stories that had left him wrecked amongst the inner city. He'd only been doing what had to be done, offering his assistance because this had been an 'all hands on deck' kind of situation. It wasn't like he could just return to his home and pretend he hadn't seen these people or their suffering. Merlin knew what it was like to be chased from their homes, Ealdor had been the target of more than one bandit attack over the years. The only difference was…they didn't have anybody else they could run too for help, living too far away from the capital of the kingdom and being too small for their king to care if they were wiped off the map. That didn't have to happen in Camelot…Merlin could offer up whatever services he was able to.

"I wasn't the only one that was helping! I mean…the knights were there making sure everything ran smoothly and there were no outbursts or riots. And almost all of the servants from the kitchens delivered the extra goods from the palace so nobody starved. And Uncle Gaius did a majority of the healing work, I didn't do much compared to what he had been doing." Merlin insisted, brushing away all the hard work he had been doing in favor of letting other people be noticed for what they've done. As far as Merlin was concerned…he really hadn't done much. Anybody could pass out things, and wrap up wounds, and not stop until everybody had been taken care of. He wasn't anything special for doing what anybody else could've done. "I mean, even Gwen was out there doing her best as well! The children were smiling so happy when she had been playing around with them, giving their parents a break so they could mourn for the losses the village sustained without worrying the kids over how BAD all of this had been."

Lancelot made a low dubious hum in the back of his throat, though Merlin saw the way his eyes soften when Gwen was mentioned. Lancelot had watched the other girl working her own brand of magic among the smaller ones, he'd almost watched her as much as he had been watching Merlin. It made Merlin happy…seeing the soft expression on Lancelot at the mere mention of the woman that he liked. Merlin was happy that Gwen had someone now, somebody that would think the world of her just like Merlin did. But…there was still something Merlin knew was going unmentioned between them. And Merlin didn't think that he'd be able to talk to Lancelot for real, without it being out in the open. Or it would be on his mind always, unrelenting and pulsing because he could not just let it go. Not without knowing…where he and Lancelot stood. Lancelot might be able to speak to him as if nothing had gone wrong, but that wasn't something that he felt like he could do.

"I'm sorry!" Merlin blurted out the words without care or preamble, and it took Lancelot clearly by surprise, but Merlin didn't care. Nor did he stop, knowing it was something he needed to get out of him. "I'm sorry that I didn't tell you just who I was when we first met in the woods! And I'm sorry I didn't tell you when I realized how much you were looking forward to meeting…Camelot's Consort. I am so sorry that the only reason you found out is because Arthur's a nutcase and a sadistic freak who's only happy when he's hurting people! And I'm sorry that he tried to kill you today! You didn't have to help me with these people, I would completely understand if you didn't want to talk to me at all ever again after what happened! I mean, I'll still be more than happy to help you become a knight if you accept Arthur's offer, but I wouldn't blame you for putting some distance between us-"

Merlin's ramblings made his voice go high pitched, his chest tightening up in a familiar way that meant he would have difficult breathing soon if he didn't calm himself down. But Merlin actually LIKED Lancelot. Not the way he used to back at the beginning, but he still liked him, and now they couldn't even be friends to one another. Merlin didn't even know how Lancelot could sit here with him now and NOT bring up the chaos Merlin had brought to his door. Lancelot did not even want to be a knight anymore! Because of Arthur! And that had to be Merlin's fault, because he should've anticipated how badly Arthur would react to everything and acted accordingly. And Merlin was going to be in a constant state of remembering how he had lost a good friend, because Lancelot would probably be hanging around Gwen a lot, which meant their paths would cross more often than not. And how was Merlin meant to see Lancelot wasting away his days as a stable hand, when he looked as if he had been born holding onto a sword.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Merlin. Please, you don't need to beat yourself up for any of this! I mean, when were you supposed to tell me you were the consort when we met? When I was unconscious and bleeding out to death on the middle of a forest floor? And I was the stupid one when I started talking about the consort …about you. I should've known your name. But the one thing I never managed to pick up on my travels was your name…Consort Merlin. You think I would've caught it, but I swear, nobody I talked to about you seemed to know it. But all that did was add to the whole mystery thing you had going on." Lancelot spoke to him, completely deconstructing every point Merlin had made for why there should be no more communication between them. "And of course I wanted to be here…to watch you work, and see the love and generosity you had towards each and every person you approached. It was like seeing the real live consort in action! Like seeing one of the stories I've heard unfolding right in front of my very own eyes! And whether or not I choose to join the basic training…it would be my decision. And I cannot see myself working beneath a man like Arthur. So that isn't your fault or something you need to be concerned about."

Not to be concerned about…Merlin bit down on his bottom lip…of course this was something that he should be concerned about. And it was something that Merlin could understand…his biggest dream was to live in a world that allowed him to be free. Nowadays, that was freedom from Arthur. But even before this life had became his own, Merlin's dream was still to be free. Free from a world that feared him when he made colorful lights in the sky, free from people who would call him a demon if he decided to entertain himself with making pictures in the smoke or the flames of a fire it, free from the thought that his end would be by the pyre because he saved a life using the only ability that he had. And if Lancelot's dream to be a knight was even half as strong as Merlin's dream for freedom was, he could only imagine such a decision must have been tearing him a part inside. To have his dream literally at his fingertips, after struggling and fighting for so long just to get to that moment where he was accepted as one of their own, and then just decide…not to go through with it. That was not something a weaker man would have been able to do, but Merlin also thought it would be incredibly foolish for Lancelot to allow the opportunity to past him on by while the offer was still on the table.

"I think that you should accept the offer Arthur gave you. You should join the other men during their basic training. I mean, you're already lightyears ahead of those men in terms of skills so you will probably advance on Farrell quickly compared to them. And even Arthur knows it, or he wouldn't have offered the spot in the first place." Merlin said, his hands around the water skin twitching violently as he mentioned Arthur's name…try as he might, he could not keep the boy's possessive rant out of his mind. And he sincerely hoped Lancelot did not know what he was thinking about. But Lancelot was looking at him, like he might want to protest, and Merlin quickly continued on before Lancelot could give any excuses that ended with 'I'm doing this for you, Merlin.' "I think that you would be doing Camelot a great disservice if you don't take this chance. I have seen the knights that Camelot offers, and so have you…people might say that Camelot has one of the greatest armies to ever walk the earth, and I don't know, maybe they do compared to the other five kingdoms. Maybe even many of them are actually acceptable with a blade. But their personalities are where they fall short. I see many being spoiled, and entitled, content to be what their last name dictates, only being here at all for the glory that being the knight will bring to their families. Practically counting down the days that they can retire honorably before passing the torch onto an even more spoiled child than they were. If that continued, it will probably only be another generation or two left to go before they become fat and lazy as well, leaving Camelot as nothing but a joke compared to the great city that it was meant to be."

Merlin stopped long enough so he could take a deep breath, and Lancelot was looking at him strangely again…the consort didn't know why everybody always looked at him strangely. But he was both getting tired of it, and ready to start giving people something they could actually stare at. And he was quick to go on with his spiral, knowing that he needed to convince Lancelot that this was the best call for action he could make. Because without Lancelot added onto their numbers…Merlin honestly couldn't see Camelot peddling out more men without Lancelot being looked to as an example of what a true knight should really be.

"But honestly…that's why we need people like you to start filling up the ranks of the army…we've had to lie about your noble status just to get you noticed and that's completely unfair. But it's what we're stuck with until you can make a proper name out of yourself. And I honestly think that you can do it. People will start seeing that…anybody can make something out of themselves. That might even make Uther see that even a commoner can do some good among his army. It could open the door for even more commoners to be allowed into the ranks of his men. And commoners…the people…they KNOW what living a hard life is like. People who have had to go without food for themselves or for their kids…they wouldn't want to do anything that could cause them to lose all the advances that being a knight would bring. They would probably train much harder than their noble counterparts, be more willing to push themselves even harder because they KNOW what is at stake if they fail. That kind of risk, these nobles wouldn't understand it. Because they always have their family wealth to fall back on. But the common people don't have that kind of safety net waiting to catch them. They don't have opportunities…you could give them one."

Merlin finished his spiral with certainty filling up his core…yes. Merlin couldn't think of a more perfect man to pave the way for others to follow. If others were only given the chance to prove themselves, then Camelot would probably end up remaining strong for many generations to come. Most nobles were already comfortable with their positions, walking around with a sword on their belt as if it was some kind of accessory that marked them as better than everybody else around them. And yet…Lancelot also carried a sword on his belt, and he was common. And Merlin could see the big difference between the two…this man at his side had worked, pouring his sweat and blood and tears into making something out of nothing. And these nobles, Merlin thought to the men he had seen Arthur training with and easily knocking them out…were more interested in showing off. That wasn't going to help them if Camelot was attacked. That's only going to end up with them dead, and the peasants vulnerable to whatever their invaders wanted…

"…I think I finally understand what makes you a great Consort." Lancelot spoke out of the blue, and Merlin jolted up straighter in his spot, blinking at Lancelot as if he didn't quite know what that was supposed to mean…great consort? He wouldn't have called himself a 'great consort', simply somebody who noticed problems and couldn't stop himself from trying to fix them. But the soon to be Knight Lancelot looked pretty sure with himself, giving Merlin a lopsided smile before paraphrasing what Arthur had called Merlin when he'd been telling the warrior his real identity. "The bringer of treaties, and defender of the peace."