CAUTION: Spoils aspects of Innocent Hopes, Twisted Realities, as well as aspects of When Nothing Remains through chapter 19.
Seriously, major spoilers here.
Assuming you wish to continue, read on…
Background: The seventh entry to All That Remains, the AU where the big question has the other answer…
The wind was cold, and rain was beginning to fall, fat droplets that splattered on anything they hit, disappearing in the turbulent waves or impacting the rocks of the sea stack. Pearl watched as drops of rain rolled down Ember's scales, slicking them and drawing wet, cold lines across the sensitive skin between.
Ember wasn't moving. He hadn't moved from his vigil over the water for a very long time, most of the day, and didn't seem fully aware of anything going on around him. It was clear he was suffering, wet and probably cold, and it was even more clear, at least to her, that her time was up.
A dark shape landed next to her. "I think it was appropriate that he let the miserable creature drown," Storm crowed, purring for emphasis as she dropped a single fish by Pearl's paws. She didn't quite seem to get what was extremely obvious to any who looked, and was happy with the situation.
Upon getting nothing more than a noncommittal rumble from Pearl, Storm snorted and flew up to Ember's perch on the highest point of the sea stack. "Here, you get a celebration fish too."
Ember said nothing.
"Do not ignore me, I am bringing you food," Storm growled. She tossed her head and slung the fish right at him. It hit his back and slid down like the rain, eliciting absolutely no reaction.
"Storm," Pearl called out, rising and flapping up to the top of the sea stack. "Stop," she said quietly. "Remember what the alpha of the ice nest told us?"
Storm looked at Ember's back, and the trail of slime now running down it from the fish he hadn't even reacted to. "No, not really."
Pearl groaned and waved Storm over, out of Ember's earshot. "Where's Second?"
"Still fishing for the real celebration meal," Storm replied blithely. "Why?"
"I just wanted to know," Pearl sighed. "You're happy with this, right?" Even if Storm didn't remember, she could still try and do her part, and it might even be easier to convince her to do so if she didn't recall what it was.
"Yes. We are finally done avenging my parents, what is not to like?" Storm said happily. "It took way too long, but it is done now."
Pearl nodded and flicked her ears in Ember's direction.
"So?" Storm asked, oblivious. "Why did you ask?"
Pearl sighed and turned her head to stare at Ember's forlorn form. Then she looked back at Storm and narrowed her eyes.
"Fine, I will try," Storm grumbled. She stalked up to the edge, staring at the back of Ember's head as if she could see through him. "Is your personal pity party over yet?" she asked him brusquely.
Ember huffed and said nothing. His wing shoulders slumped a little further, but that was all.
Storm wasn't having that. "Hey, answer me." She sat down right beside him and stuck a wing out, thumping his side. "Are you awake?"
"You no longer need saving or protection," Ember rumbled in a low, disturbingly lifeless tone. It sounded as if he was sighing and just happened to form the escaping noise into words.
"No, but I am used to having you around now," Storm said briskly, seemingly encouraged by getting any sort of response at all. "So you do not get to disappear on me, and that includes not going all moody after a well-deserved killing."
"My last task is done," he replied, sounding for all the world as if he hadn't even heard her.
"No, it is not," Storm retorted. "You want to whine and blame yourself? Fine. Make it up to me by sticking around and acting as my personal guard. We both know I could use one of those, and Second will not cut it."
Ember said nothing, and Pearl felt a horrible sinking feeling. Storm's approach didn't stand a chance of working. She was going at it with her usual attitude and not giving Ember what he needed, whatever that might be. A sister who would truly miss him if he were gone, according to the alpha of the ice nest, but Storm wasn't that. Not quite.
"Stop ignoring me." Storm smacked him with her wing a second time, far more harshly than before. "Come on, I know you are smart enough to hear what I am really saying." Her voice fell, and she leaned forward, looking out at the water below. "I would miss you if you were gone. Stay."
Ember still didn't respond, and after a long, heart-wrenching moment of forlorn silence, Storm stood, stepping away from him. She growled and shook her head, but Pearl saw some genuine dismay in her eyes.
Storm just wasn't close enough to Ember. Not yet, and maybe not ever even if this was not the end; she was too strong, too independent, and he knew it. Pearl had known from the start that it would come down to her, somehow. If anyone could bring him back from his despair, it would be her.
She slowly walked forward, taking a long moment to consider her approach, and to channel everything she had picked up from Storm to steel herself against the weight of his grief. A heartfelt plea had gotten Storm nowhere. Ember was immovable, he needed to be shocked into a reaction of some sort. She needed to shake him out of his apathy.
"So…" she said loudly, stopping right behind him. One of Ember's ears twitched, but otherwise she got no reaction. "Storm, do you think we are done here?"
"Just about," Storm barked in return, looking at Pearl hopefully. She would play along, and lacking any other instructions, would act like her usual self. That was exactly what Pearl needed for this improvised plan.
"I guess we can start on that thing we said we would do after," Pearl said, nodding to the other female.
"What was… Oh, yes, you are going to go mutilate a dragon!" Storm crowed, somehow dredging up the ability to sound enthusiastic despite the situation. "I remember!"
"Right," Pearl growled.
Ember's shoulders twitched, the most movement she had seen from him since watching Viggo drown.
"I was thinking, we could flip him over," Storm continued, still speaking far too loudly to be ignored by anyone on the sea stack. "I would hold him down, and you could rip it out of him. Then we could kill him."
"Sounds perfect," Pearl replied, though she felt sick thinking of such a thing. Doing it to Claw would be okay, but the act itself made her want to vomit, being a large step above just fighting in self defense or to save others.
"What?" Ember asked weakly, barely moving his head so he could look over his shoulder at them.
"I am going to help Pearl track down, torture, and kill someone," Storm said casually. "But I thought you did not care about us anymore."
Ember shuffled around entirely, lethargically turning his side to the edge of the sea stack. Even still, his ears and frills drooped limply, and he watched the ground between them with wide and sorrowful eyes. "Violence is not a solution to everything," he said sadly. "Not even my problems, not really…"
"I know that," Pearl responded. Ember himself was proof enough of that; killing Viggo and Drago had gotten him nothing, in the end. "But violence does solve some problems. I want to do this."
"Why?" he asked, slowly bringing his gaze up to meet hers. He was deeply bothered by her desire to do such things…
As he should be. Worried for her meant involved, and if she had the measure of him, that worry would soon change to something familiar. If he blamed himself for corrupting her, well, that was a problem for later.
"The one I will be harming deserves the worst that can be done to him," she growled cryptically, baiting him with a lack of details.
"Why?" he repeated, with just a hint of agitation.
"They-" Storm began, only to be cut off by a tail to the face. "Hey!"
"This is my story to tell," Pearl growled, alarmed by how easily Storm had been ready to spill her most painful secrets. "Go make sure Second has not been eaten by a big fish."
Storm snarled aimlessly and took off, putting her tail to them as quickly as she could. At least she was cooperating… to an extent.
"What is this?" Ember asked again, tilting his head to look at her, though his back was hunched and he could more easily have just straightened up. There was a deep sorrow to everything about him, but it was being overwhelmed with worry, guilt, and maybe a hint of protectiveness-
No, a lot of protectiveness, she knew that. He wanted her safe, he had demonstrated that countless times in the battles against hunters, however one-sided those usually were.
"I don't like talking about it," she said honestly. "But if you want to hear…"
He nodded, a small, slow movement, still watching her with those painfully miserable eyes.
"There is a light wing named Claw," she began. It hurt to tell him of her past, but only because she didn't want him to look down on her or even pity her too much. Right now, those needs were secondary, so she ignored them. "He is alpha of the pack I came from. I was only a fledgling. One day, my Dam sent me to speak to him."
Ember growled so quietly she barely heard it. She considered that a good sign; he was already picking up that something was wrong, and what was more, he was reacting. After seeing how he failed to respond to Storm, that was a good sign on its own.
"I didn't like him," she whispered to him, her eyes on the rock between them. "My Dam knew that, and he knew that. But neither cared. He violated me against my will, that day. Nobody cared. Later, he took me as one of his many mates, and continued to force himself on me. He kills, and hurts, and takes many mates, and does many other bad things, and nobody stops him. Nobody stands up to him."
"He deserves to die." Ember growled. "I understand now."
"Yes," Pearl agreed. "But nobody can even scratch him. Nobody tries, aside from the young males, and he kills them when they do. He hurt me, over and over again, for moon-cycles on end," and here she began to whine from dredging up the memories, "and only two people helped me stand it, my only friend and one of his daughters, and they only helped me handle the pain and distracted me because nobody can do anything. Everyone else told me to get used to it and stop whining-"
Ember lurched to his paws, moving abruptly and with the stiffness of prolonged motionlessness, and threw a wing over her shivering body, pulling her close without any warning. She looked up at him, and his eyes were blazing, filled with anger she knew wasn't directed at her. They were also still tired and heavy with grief, but there was life there where previously there had been none.
He looked down at her. She saw pity in his gaze... and maybe something more, but that was probably just her being fanciful in an overwhelming muddle of pain, empathy, and relief.
"I don't want you to think I am as helpless now as I was then," she whispered. "Storm and I are going back there to fix things. But I would really, really appreciate it if you could come with us for that. I helped you with this. Can you help me? Please?" She didn't care that it didn't make sense to ask for him to come; the bravado about mutilating and killing Claw had been just that, not real no matter what Storm thought of the matter. This was her solution, another way to keep Ember going.
"Was that why you came with us?" Ember murmured, holding her close.
"No," Pearl said truthfully, "I just wanted to be with you."
"With Storm?" Ember asked. "You wanted to be like her…"
"With you," she repeated, knowing she couldn't push it any further quite yet, but subtly leaning into his chest. "Will you help?"
"What would you have me do?" he rumbled.
"I don't know how to fight," she replied quietly. "And I don't want it to be a close fight. I was going to try and learn from Storm, but I would be much happier letting you do it."
"He hurt you?" Ember asked tentatively, as if seeking additional justification.
"He violated me, and laughed when I cried out in pain, and did it over and over again," Pearl growled, hiding her face in his chest. "For moon-cycles. When I was a fledgling, when I was an adult, whenever he wanted once I was one of his, and I never wanted to be one of his at all."
"I'll kill him," Ember promised, his voice carrying more than a hint of rage.
"I just want him gone," she admitted. "I think it would be better if you did it." Storm might be disappointed, but she would just have to deal with it; keeping Ember going was worth sacrificing a personal vengeance, she didn't care so much whether she got to tear Claw's vitals out personally.
"I will do it," he agreed. "It is a long journey?"
"A few moon-cycles of flying, but I know the way." She straightened, taking a deep breath, and looked up at him. "Please, don't see me as a fledgling in need of protecting." That was a big part of why she had never volunteered any of this information before. She wasn't not anymore, and having him see her as someone to protect and pity would just drive them further from the relationship she wanted to have.
"What should I see?" he asked.
"Someone with a bad past, who you are helping to move on," she said, trying to be subtle. "A mature female who is learning to be strong and stand up for herself."
"I already see that," he murmured.
"Thank you." She leaned into his embrace, recognizing that it had been given out of pity, but also noticing that he hadn't withdrawn it. Maybe her optimism was getting the better of her, he was still broken, and he still needed help, but maybe he was beginning to heal.
O-O-O-O-O
Pearl led the way over water and over land, the weight of responsibility heavy on her heart, if not her wings, which propelled her toward the end of her stop-gap measures far quicker than she might have liked. She followed the coastline for the most part, both for practical reasons and to drag out the trip, but even then the steady beat of her wings made her anxious, an indication that no matter what she did, time was passing.
Every so often, that anxiety formed into something solid, and she drifted back, pointing the way and falling back into the group, though that tended to take them off course more than she liked, lacking any way to lead them directly where she wanted.
On one such day, only a few days out from the death of the last No-scaled-not-prey they had come to kill, she drifted close to Ember, and struck up a conversation.
"How much do you know about this area?" she asked, looking around at the trackless ocean and deserted islands, and inwardly cringing at her awkward opening.
"Do you need assistance with something?" Ember asked dully. "I don't know much of anything. This is not a range I have flown in the past. I think we will be around where I found you in a few days, and anything past that is new to me." He was not so lifeless as he had been back when she first met him, but there was still a darkness she wanted to rip out of his voice and kill. It made her mad, sometimes, to hear such a broken thing in him, and she was glad they had killed those responsible.
When she thought like that, she felt how Storm must feel all the time, and it didn't make her feel better. So, she pushed that anger away and focused on trying to coax Ember out of his depression, which would make her feel good if she succeeded. "I know the coastlines and direction we need to go, but I was wondering if you had anything to add. What should I be looking for while we travel?"
"The same things we looked for when we were flying all over hunting ships," Ember rumbled. "Sources of water, signs of life, No-scaled-not-prey and dragon alike, and clouds that might mean bad weather."
"I don't know much about any of that except clouds," she admitted. "I only know clouds because I slept outside… most of the time." She had gotten good at knowing what nights would be wet just by how the clouds moved and how the wind felt, but then she had been made to move to the caverns…
Pearl shivered despite herself, not liking that memory at all, and Ember noticed. His eyes narrowed, just a little, and he flew closer to her. "Tell me about it," he requested.
"I don't really like talking about it," she said reluctantly, her need to draw him out of his depression clashing with her desire to not think about Claw. "Maybe just certain things?" she offered.
"Whatever you feel comfortable with," Ember agreed.
What did she feel comfortable with? Her Dam and Sire were out, they were not good memories, the same obviously applied to Claw, and even Lily was associated with her time under him…
"My friend's name was Crystal," she said, blurting out the first happy memory that came to mind. "I mean, it still is, she is still there. We played as fledglings, she was fun, and she…" She trailed off short of mentioning Crystal's romance with Granite, remembering that he was dead.
"She what?" Ember asked gently.
"She was great," Pearl hedged, deciding to mention Granite anyway. She wasn't going to let bad memories not even directly connected to him stop her from speaking. "She helped me with a lot of things, but when we got older, I got to give her advice about the male she liked." Not that she had been qualified to give any sort of advice, but Crystal had asked anyway, and it had been a nice distraction from her Dam's designs for her.
"Who was that?" Ember followed up.
"Granite. He... was nice." She hadn't spent nearly any time with him, mostly thanks to her Dam's extremely negative reaction to hearing of her spending any time with males aside from Claw, but she had gotten that impression almost immediately.
"Was nice?" Ember pressed.
"Claw," Pearl whined. "Granite challenged, and Claw killed him."
"He is going to die for all he's done," Ember said, snarling under his breath. "Him and any who stand by him. Who does?"
"What?" She wasn't entirely sure what he meant by that.
"Does he truly rule alone, feared and despised by all?" Ember clarified. "I obviously don't know, but I suspect not, just because that sounds unlikely. Who else hurt you? Who helped him?"
"Nobody," she said immediately. Then she actually thought about it. "Well… I know none of the fledglings did, and Lily helped me, and nobody else knew anything was wrong…"
"They would have seen," Ember said in a low growl. "It is obvious when you are unhappy."
Pearl almost asked when he had seen her unhappy, but then she remembered that he had rescued her from near-certain death at the end of three moon-cycles of captivity. He had seen her at one of her lowest points, he would know what it looked like.
"They couldn't do anything without risking his wrath," she eventually replied. "But they did not even try, or say they were sorry for me, or anything like that."
"And what about your Sire?" Ember pressed. "Your Dam? You said she pushed you to Claw, so she is obviously at fault."
Pearl shivered at the cold anger in his voice, glad it was directed at someone deserving. "My Dam is in charge, and my Sire never stood up to her."
"Do they deserve punishment for what they did to you?" Ember asked.
"I don't know what I want to happen to her," she rumbled. "Nothing. I just want her to leave me alone." That would be enough. She had escaped her Dam's grasp, and not falling back into it was all she needed.
"If that's what you want," Ember conceded. "Is there anyone else who will need to be dealt with to make the pack safe?"
"I don't know… I'll tell you when we get there," she decided. A glimmer of an idea was occuring to her, and she didn't want to commit to anything before she knew what it was. A real, good idea to solve her bigger problems was important, and she didn't want to mess it up.
"Okay," Ember rumbled, slowly drifting away from her. Pearl sighed, realizing that her desire to keep her options open had just ended their conversation. She had hoped for something more.
O-O-O-O-O
Later that day, when they had all set down on an island hilltop to rest for the night, Pearl felt uncomfortable.
At first, she couldn't tell why; nothing unusual was around. The island was a bare slope of sand and weakly-rooted grass, providing no cover at all, and thus hiding nothing. The only other people around were Ember, Storm, and Second, and Ember was even now settling down in a haphazardly-pawed hollow in the sand.
Pearl turned away from him, her back prickling with the feeling of unseen eyes watching her, and made eye contact with Storm.
Storm nodded toward the shore. Second was pawing at something in the surf, but other than that, there was nothing.
Pearl shrugged and turned back around. Storm had seen nothing. What-
"Just get over here!" Storm hissed.
"Oh!" Pearl exclaimed, feeling stupid. She rushed down to the shore, wondering why Storm hadn't started with just asking her to come over. "What is it?"
"You need to work on your subtlety," Storm grumbled, "and that is something coming from me, of all dragons. I wanted to ask you about the plan."
"What plan?"
"Going to your pack," Storm elaborated. "You have Ember hooked for now, but once Claw is dead he will be right back where he started. What is next?"
"Next…" She had hoped to have him truly interested in her by then, or at the very least to change his mind about wanting to die. "I want him to live."
"Duh, but does that mean you are going to throw yourself at him after Claw?" Storm persisted. "Or is there something else?"
"I would love to hear any other ideas you have," Pearl requested, feeling that Storm wouldn't be questioning her about this without an alternative ready to offer. She could really use one right about now, as she had no idea what to do if Ember was still on his self-destructive path after killing Claw.
"Push harder in getting and keeping his attention," Storm said bluntly. "I have already told you that you have spent enough time just being around. Now is when you step it up and force him to see you in that way."
"You told me not to throw myself at him," Pearl objected.
"Because you barely knew him and were just doing as you had been taught," Storm reminded her with a snort. "That is not the case now, and you need some sort of plan. It is either this, or come up with another idea to shove into his head to buy more time."
"I am trying to get his attention," Pearl sighed. "It feels like I am making progress, but only on occasion. But if I push harder, I will just get on his nerves!" Time, she needed time, and it never seemed that she had enough.
"There is only this last trip," Storm huffed. "What do you think will happen after he kills Claw? You need to have him before then, or some other female will shove you aside and take him."
"At least that would keep him alive…" Pearl whined.
Storm cuffed her with a wing, knocking her upside the head. "Hey! Stop giving up!"
"I was not!" Pearl glared at Storm, and after a heartbeat's indecision swung her own wing around to hit her back, incensed by the sudden, unfair violence.
"Good," Storm growled, not even trying to avoid the strike. "Now take that determination and do something useful with it."
Pearl shuffled her paws, still angry at Storm. She would do something, but not what Storm wanted; that just didn't feel right. She needed a solution of some sort, an answer to the real problem, she needed to get Ember's attention and keep him alive, but she needed time. Storm had a point, there might be other females after he killed Claw, the whole pack would be…
The same idea that had tickled the back of her mind earlier came back, and this time she could see it more clearly. She purred triumphantly. "Got it."
"So go up there!" Storm nudged her toward the hilltop.
"No, not that," Pearl clarified, purring even harder at Storm's confusion. "I have an idea as to what will keep Ember going after killing Claw, if I cannot be his reason yet. They'll make him alpha." It was so simple, and with just a little pushing in the right direction, he'd accept.
"What?" Storm barked.
"He will kill Claw in single combat, that is how Claw fights his challengers," Pearl said happily. She saw Second coming up behind Storm, but she didn't care; he would need to be in on this plan too, if only so that he didn't wreck it through ignorance. "He's male, he's strong, and if they all call him alpha, he will have to do it."
"That does not solve the problem of other females throwing themselves at him," Storm huffed. "I suppose I could guard him for you for a little while, if you insist on being so slow and cautious about it. Only because I will not watch you let an opportunity slip away after moon-cycles of work on it."
"That would be great," Pearl agreed. She hadn't been thinking of that part. This was just to ensure that Ember kept going after killing Claw. The best part was that it would be permanent. All she would have to do was convince Ember that he was the only one who could lead the pack into better ways, that would keep him occupied for a long time. If he thought only he could do it, he would, to help everyone-
"That should work," Second said, startling Storm, who hadn't seen him approaching. "Alpha does get into helping people change."
"You would know," Storm scoffed dismissively. "But Pearl, I am not going to guard him forever. You still need to move faster."
"I'm trying," Pearl groaned.
"Not fast enough," Storm retorted. "I feel like I have told you this before. He still treats you like a friend, nothing more."
"More," Second interrupted. "He offers to kill for her. That is more."
"What would you know?" Storm asked caustically.
"He was asking her who else he could kill for her," Second repeated. "I do not see him asking after your old enemies, Storm."
"That is because I have hundreds, and none of them are worth his time," Storm laughed. "You and me make enemies wherever we go."
"No longer," Second muttered.
"Anyway…" Storm scowled at Second, then turned back to Pearl. "Fine, the emotionally damaged killer might have a point. Ember did try to find out who else had hurt you, and ask after your past. He has never asked me what I did in between leaving and being captured."
"What did you do?" Pearl asked. She was glad to hear their take on Ember's questions, but she didn't feel him wanting to kill for her was an advancement in the direction she wanted. It made her feel a little sick in the pit of her stomach, though it was probably her fault in the first place, setting him on Claw on her behalf.
"Wandered, insulted dragons, and annoyed every nest I came across," Storm said dismissively. "That is not interesting, it is just that he did not ask. He likes you, he is just so wrapped up in his own head that he does not notice. Make him notice."
"An egg might work for that," Second offered in his flat voice. "Since he cares for others, not himself."
"Not you too," Pearl groaned. "I'm not doing that." Maybe, in the future, once they were happily mated. Not now!
"Bad idea," Storm rumbled, apparently oblivious to the fact that she had suggested the same thing a few days ago, just after setting off. "Just do something."
"I am going to, now can we drop this?" Pearl asked desperately. She felt like they were chasing her in circles, roaring for her to fly when she could barely flap her wings. She was trying, she just needed more time!
O-O-O-O-O
Pearl glared down at the bright ocean below, thinking hard. The island in the distance was memorable, a place with stacked wooden structures she had marveled at even in captivity, and was the last place her captors had stopped before meeting with the ship that held Ember and the No-scaled-not-prey alpha who was now dead and gone. She knew the island.
The question was, did she know where they had come from? It was a rainy few days, not a sign of the sun or moon prior to approaching the island, and she had been lethargic, tired and cold and unable to sleep for more than a short while at a time. She knew the place they had been before this island, another with a very odd type of tree that she would recognize in a moment, and she knew how long it had taken to get from one to the other, but the direction escaped her.
"I know where and how long it will take to get to the next place," she explained to her companions, "but not what direction. It should only be a day or two out."
"Easy," Ember rumbled reassuringly. "We split up, fly high, and go in different directions. Then we come back here, meet on one of these sea stacks, and describe the islands we saw. You will know where from that."
"That should work," Pearl agreed. "Look for islands with weird trees and no No-scaled-not-prey."
"We should not split up entirely," Storm objected, a sly grin on her face. "Second and I will check this way, you two check the other. We meet here in two days. Keep close to each other," she concluded, before diving away from them.
"Second?" Ember asked. "I would rather she not go alone, but Pearl can go after her-"
"I would rather follow Storm," Second objected. Pearl wasn't surprised in the slightest; Second was just following Storm's lead in leaving her and Ember alone.
Ember, on the other paw, was very surprised. "Really?" he asked skeptically. "You want to go with her?"
"I feel I would be of more help there, should trouble arise," Second said solemnly. "But if you command, alpha, I will go with you."
"No, that makes sense, follow her," Ember agreed. "My orders to you are to follow common sense, be back here with her in two days, and protect her from danger. Everything else is up to you, she doesn't have the authority to give you orders."
"Yes, alpha," Second replied, swiftly departing in pursuit of Storm, who was wasting no time in putting distance between herself and them.
"We can go this way," Pearl offered, wondering whether she should be mad or thankful that Storm and Second had taken the first opportunity to leave her alone with Ember. On the one paw, it was a nice gesture, especially coming from them…
And on the other paw, she was going to have to make some progress in these next few days, because Storm was liable to roar for a week if she didn't.
O-O-O-O-O
"Good work," Storm said brusquely as Second caught up to her. "Ember did not say you have to obey me, did he?"
"No," Second replied, gliding into a spot below her and matching her pace.
"Thought not." It was too bad, but probably for the best. She no longer wanted Second dead, not badly enough to do anything about it, and she now doubted he would actually kill himself if someone with authority ordered it, but she would humiliate him in entertaining ways if she had power to do so, and he would be mad about it later. She would rather not screw up the truce they had now.
If it could be called a truce. She didn't know what it was, really. She disliked him, he disliked her, but not really. He was quick to point out whenever she was acting like his terrible brother, and she was quick to mock him for anything stupid he did. They argued every so often, roared and growled at each other… None of which was taken to heart. Neither of them respected the other enough to be bothered by insults.
It wasn't a truce, if truce meant no fighting. She just did not care enough to try and drive him away, not when Ember was so adamant about teaching him better. Not when she could rely on him to brutally expose every flaw she had inherited. She did not like having it thrown in her face every so often, it hurt, but she deserved to hurt.
It was not like she could ever make up for what those traits had gotten her. Herb, her Sire in all that really mattered, was dead, and she could not apologize and mend what she had broken. Like Second, the pains she had given and things she had done could not be fixed or taken back. The dead didn't accept apologies, and she was responsible for the heartbreak of one parent, and the demise of both.
She didn't like herself all that much, knowing that. So, the obvious person to hate and spite was herself, and she would do so by tearing out every last vestige of the one who had physically Sired her. Second was invaluable simply because he could identify those parts of herself and help her tear them out by giving her a target.
Paradoxically, removing all traces of Third probably meant she would have to remove her tendency to hold grudges, the same tendency fueling her resolve to do exactly that… But she didn't care, and when she found herself thinking too hard about it, that was a sign that she needed to think about something else. She would rip Third out of herself, Second would help, and that was that.
"Fly faster," Second called up to her. "We will never find anything at this pace."
"You fly faster first," Storm retorted. "You are the slow one." So what if she had slowed down to recover from her all-out pace earlier? Second was slower than her, that was obvious enough. If he was faster, he would have taken charge…
Or maybe not. He was probably letting her lead. He tended to let anyone else take charge if that was at all feasible. Ember hadn't told him to obey her as a rule, but he would so long as he didn't mind her ideas.
Second was trying to be better in one way, and she in another. He relied on Ember much as she relied on him. Then there was Pearl, who was relying on her to grow a spine, and Ember, who was unknowingly dependent on Pearl in turn to give him a reason to live…
Storm snorted in amusement at the stupid, never-ending circle they had somehow flown as a group. Somehow, they were getting somewhere while all following each others' tails. Where, she didn't really know past the place they were going now, but somewhere all the same.
O-O-O-O-O
Pearl stared down at the strange trees she remembered, and wondered if Storm had planned this too. It was just too perfectly in line with the other female's motives.
"Well… That was quick." Ember pawed at one of the trees. "This is a nice island, too. You know where we will be going from here?"
"Along a curving coastline, then cutting across, then straight," Pearl recounted, thinking of the path her captors had taken. It was easier to remember the closer they got to the valley; in the beginning, she had the presence of mind to try and remember the path for when she broke free. That had its own problem, as she had begun to wonder why she wanted to go back if she ever got free, which was probably why she had stopped paying so much attention eventually, but it was helpful now.
"Sounds good…" Ember turned, abandoning the tree in favor of looking out at the ocean. "Do you want to go back to the sea stack now, or wait until morning?"
"Wait," Pearl said immediately. They would be alone either way, but she would rather sleep on this island than a tiny sea stack.
"Sounds good," Ember agreed. "I'll go fishing, if you could find a place for us to sleep?"
"No, let's go together," Pearl offered. If she was going to do this, she was going to do it now, not later. She knew well enough what procrastinating would lead to.
As they flew over the ocean, she made sure to fly close to him.
"You know," she started, just saying what came to mind, "I have been thinking. You asked me what I want to happen to my Sire and Dam." It wasn't even close to the most romantic thing she could start with, but she thought she could lead the conversation toward romance quickly enough from there, and it was an important subject to address regardless.
"Have you decided on something?" Ember asked, looking up from his examination of the water below them. "Whatever it is, I will help or do it for you, if you want."
Pearl took that as encouragement; Storm and Second were right, he was not like this with either of them. "I don't want them dead," she explained. "I don't want you to even acknowledge them. If my Dam talks to you or me or Storm or even Second, we act like we don't hear her at all, and we don't let up unless she goes crazy and attacks somebody."
"Why?" Ember asked curiously.
"Because she never listened to me," Pearl said sadly. "Neither of them did, and she is so used to making me listen to her and do as she says. I want her to feel what it is like to never be heard, no matter what she says." It would sting even more coming from Ember, who would be their alpha, but she hadn't brought that up yet. Another thing to discuss if the moment came.
"I can do that," Ember rumbled reassuringly. "I like it, if that is truly what you want."
"It is." Among other things. She'd be happiest to never see her Dam or Sire again, but barring that, ignoring them for the rest of her life would be revenge enough. She wanted to move on. She wanted Ember to move on, too, if only she could make him see things in the right way.
"My Dam told me what to do in every situation," Pearl continued, weaving her way toward the thing she really wanted to get Ember talking about. "What to say, how to act, what males to be interested in…"
"I know a little of what that feels like, but not nearly as bad as- Oh, hold that thought." Ember fired at the sea and dove, departing just like that.
Pearl growled in frustration. She had been so close to something meaningful! She wasn't going to let him get away with abandoning that line of thought, even if it was for an admittedly large school of fish, many of which were being brought up. She dove to gather her share, and plotted her next move.
Talking, she decided on her way up, her mouth blocked by fish, was not enough on its own. She would mix in some other things, too.
The moment they landed on the shore by the trees, she acted, landing right next to him and dropping her fish in front of him. "Want one?" she offered innocently, brushing her side against him.
Much to her surprise, he didn't move away for a long moment. When he did, he didn't look her in the eye, instead opting to drop his fish next to hers. "We can share?" he offered.
"Sure," she decided, leaning in front of him to take one of his, once again brushing him, and this time with a better view of his face.
He closed his eyes and sighed. She wasn't entirely sure what to make of that, but it didn't seem like an annoyed or frustrated sigh, so she decided to interpret it as another very promising sign that she was on the right track. She hadn't gotten that much of a reaction with anything since Storm had warned her against throwing herself at him all those moons ago. Maybe she had swung too far to the other side of things since then.
"Well?" she prompted, stepping away to consider her next move, swallowing her fish as she thought. After eating, probably. She still fully intended to continue that conversation, and they would have to sleep somewhere… And she certainly didn't intend to let the answer to that be that they were sleeping separately.
"Fish. Right." He took one for himself, and then another, avoiding her gaze all the while. Yes, she was definitely on to something.
"I was wondering," she said after she had eaten her fill, "do you prefer sleeping on the shore or under the trees?"
"Under the trees, we would be obvious on the shore," he immediately replied. "I do not think anyone would notice us, but sleeping out in the open when we don't have to is dangerous."
"That's not really what I meant. Assuming we're safe either way, which do you prefer?" she elaborated.
"Under the trees, still," he said. "In case it rains. I like the rain, but not being woken in the middle of the night by it."
"Agreed," Pearl said, remembering many rainy nights on her family rock. Even with the wings of her Dam and Sire, it was still cold and wet, and her Dam tended to growl under her breath, annoyed, all night. Even when asleep, which now that she thought about it was almost impressive.
"But for tonight, I will stand watch while you sleep," he offered. "We don't know exactly what is around, and we do not have Second randomly stalking the area because he feels like it."
"He does that?" Pearl asked, surprised. She hadn't known about that at all!
"Yes, every night, but I think it is because he is not used to sleeping without interruption," Ember explained. "Or something like that. He already sleeps on his own when possible, so it isn't noticeable, but he told me when I asked if he would stand watch."
"That's kind of creepy," Pearl complained. "He just walks around while we're asleep?"
"It's not that creepy since he is protecting us… But yes." Ember shrugged his wing shoulders. "I didn't see any reason to make him stop, but if it really bothers you I can when we meet up with them."
"No, you don't have to." She didn't want to be the complainer who shut down an unstable dragon's method of coping, or demonstrating his loyalty, or whatever he thought he was doing. "But thank you for offering. You always think of me." She wasn't totally happy with that awkward hint, but it was the best she could come up with.
Ember nodded and finished off the last of the fish. "So, tonight's watch. You settle down somewhere, and I will be around. We can switch off around midnight."
Pearl couldn't help but see the obvious, mostly because it was the exact opposite of what Storm had arranged. "Surely we should both get a full night's rest," she countered. "We can sleep in the forest, where nobody would ever find us, if there is even anyone around."
"Or… I guess you are right." Ember shook his head. "Were you saying something earlier, before I spotted that group of fish?"
Was he really trying to change the subject? Pearl wasn't sure what had changed, but Ember definitely noticed her interest in some way now; it was hard to see this as anything but him trying to change the subject. He had picked the wrong topic, if so.
"I was talking about how my Dam told me how to act and think about everything," she recalled. "I was always only destined for one male, so I never even got to look at other males when she was around. She told me what I should like, and I didn't argue."
"That sounds terrible," Ember said sincerely. "You know what you like now, right? Separate from what she told you to?"
"Oh, yes," Pearl purred, staring directly at him. "But it's harder for me to guess at the other side of things. What do you like in a female, for instance?" This was probably the most forward she had ever been, but it felt right to push him now, when he was obviously noticing her efforts.
"I…" Ember looked away from her, and then back again. "I do not think I should say."
"Why not?"
"Because I… We're alone, and you're asking me what I like in a female, and dropping all sorts of hints, and I don't know what to think about all of it," he said bluntly. "A part of me wants nothing to do with anything at all, and a part of me wants to run screaming, and another says to just see where you are going with it all, but I can't do that…" He trailed off, still staring at her, his eyes wide and his look conflicted. Even his ears reflected his inner turmoil, one raised and one flat against his head, while his frills all twitched erratically.
"Ignore the first part," Pearl said firmly. That was the part she wanted to rip away from him, crush, and then flame out of existence.
"It's the biggest part," Ember admitted quietly, looking down at his paws. "I just have one more thing to do…"
Pearl hoped she wasn't imagining the doubt in his voice as he said that. "Do you really? It seems to me there was just one more, saving Storm. Then another, and another, and another with Claw. What if you find another still, after this?"
"I don't want to kill any more," Ember murmured.
"It doesn't have to be killing, the pack you'll be liberating could really use a guiding paw with firm morals, for instance," Pearl blurted out. She hadn't meant to be that blunt, but at this point she was just going with the flow. "Somehow, I don't think Storm could provide that."
"No… But I could not either." Ember shook his head wildly. "I'm no leader, last time I tried to lead I lost everyone."
"We're still here," Pearl said, purposely misunderstanding him. "You led us through killing two evil creatures and destroying their followers, and it took moon-cycles, but we're still here." She sidled over to stand beside him, not wanting to seem like she was confronting him… Though she was, in a way.
"Not that, my family…" Ember whined sadly and inched away from her when she tried to put her wing over him. "I don't want to do that again. You be alpha, you could do it. You and Storm and Second can stay there once Claw is dead, and I can go and do no more harm."
He could go and die, he meant. "You think that will be enough?" she asked. "You'll kill Claw and leave the pack in disarray?" They weren't really arguing about her people, the ones she had left. They were arguing about his future. She didn't know when the two had become so intertwined; it was probably her doing, but she had never meant to entangle them like this.
"They will recover, you told me Claw does not do much for them anyway," Ember argued.
Pearl pursued him every time he tried to inch away, unwilling to lose any more ground. She was aware that they would look ridiculous were anyone to see them, shuffling sideways across the beach as they argued, but since there was nobody around she didn't care. "They listened to Claw, they need to be taught better," she insisted. "They're like Second, just less violent and more obedient." That was saying something, given how submissive Second was, but she wanted to drive her point home.
"You and-"
"Who can fix them?" Pearl interrupted, closing the gap between them faster than he was inching away, and not-so-subtly stepping on his paws when he tried to retreat again. "Second? Not happening. Storm? They would revolt, she's a female and she's obnoxious on the best of days."
"You?" he prompted.
"They know me, and what they know isn't good," Pearl said, being brutally honest. She didn't like it, but she had thought about it already. "I'm the weak one who never decided anything for herself. Even if that has changed, they won't believe it, and I'm female. That's two strikes against me."
"What does it matter if you're female?" Ember stopped trying to pull away, staring intently.
"The alpha is male," Pearl snorted. "They will all complain and just choose a male anyway if I try to take over. You would be able to take over easily, and nobody would argue."
"I'd be a foreigner who had just brutally eviscerated their last alpha," Ember countered. "They won't want me either."
"Let that decide, then," Pearl barked, inspiration striking at the moment it was most needed. "Try to take over. If they resist you at all, if they all choose someone else immediately, you can leave, but if they just let you take over, you have to stay and do it." She knew her pack, she knew how they all bowed to Claw. There was no chance anyone would resist someone who destroyed Claw with ease, as Ember would, and then called himself alpha.
"No pack would just let me do that," Ember rumbled uncertainly. He was taking her proposition seriously, at least.
But this was not the only thing she wanted to ensure he took seriously… She leaned in, putting more weight on his paws. He could easily pull them away, he was far stronger than her, but he didn't. "They're like Second, they need someone to set them straight and tell them how to act," she said quietly. "You can do that, you're the only one who can do that, and I want you around to do it."
"That isn't the only reason you want me around," Ember sighed. "Pearl, I am not going to be-"
"Forget that," Pearl growled, emulating Storm as best she could. Pushing forward and not taking no for an answer had gotten her this far, and she wasn't going to slip back into caution now. "You are the only one saying you have to give up life after some random thing is done. Just stop saying it, and look at me."
"It isn't that easy!" Ember exclaimed. "I want to, but-"
"Do you really?" Pearl hummed happily.
"I mean, a beautiful friend is throwing herself at me," Ember snorted, looking away from her. "I tried not to notice, but yes. But if I follow that, I will hurt you when I die."
"If you're trying to avoid hurting me with that, you have failed," Pearl hummed, rubbing her face against his shoulder. "I would be hurt if you die no matter what you do now."
"Well, that just makes me feel so much better," Ember groaned.
"It should," Pearl murmured.
"Look," Ember said, gently pulling his paws out from under hers and stepping away, "I'm messed up and probably not going to live very long. I appreciate what you are doing-"
"Do you?" Pearl asked, flaring her wings and arching her back. She wasn't sure whether she was trying to be seductive or intimidating, and was fairly certain she was either failing at both, or succeeding at both.
"Yes!" he exclaimed. "But there are probably a thousand males out there you would be happier with!"
"Too bad for them, I already chose one," Pearl quipped.
"I can't just change how I feel," Ember groaned.
"Do you want to?" Pearl asked hopefully.
"Yes!" He leaned down and put both paws over his head. "I kind of do, but I don't, and that's the problem. I don't know what I should feel."
"I know what I want you to feel," Pearl offered. "I know what would be good for you… and me." She was beginning to feel bad for bringing all of this up at all. He was so conflicted, and she was only making it worse.
"I feel like there is a black mold in my heart, and you are pushing on it, trying to shove it out," Ember murmured into his paws. "But it shouldn't go, I lost them, that's all I have left of them, I deserve to keep it."
"I don't think you do, and I don't think that is all you have left," Pearl hummed. She stayed back; he had fled her touch at every opportunity, and this seemed like the wrong moment to push forward again. There was losing her caution, and then there was doing something tactless and stupid, and she felt that would be crossing the line.
"It sounds so stupid when I say it," he said. "What do you even see in me?"
"Everything I want," Pearl sighed. "You're smart and kind and strong and you don't act anything like anyone from my pack, and you need my help too, so I do not even feel like I would be depending on you for everything." She didn't like that he was so heart-weary, but it was reassuring in a way, something that proved she would not always be taking from him in a relationship between them.
"Really?" He lifted one paw, uncovering a yellow eye that was already angled in her direction.
"Really." She would not be all but throwing herself at him if she didn't. "So…" she prompted.
"I can't agree to anything when I don't know what I want," he said, crushing her highest hopes with a sad sigh. "But I can say," he continued, giving rise to a whole new flock of more tentative hopes in her heart, "that you are confusing me."
"Will more confusion help?" she asked.
"I don't know. I don't know how to fix this. Maybe after dealing with your pack…"
"After taking over and correcting everyone," Pearl said.
"We will see," Ember rumbled. "Until then, just… Do not push me? It only makes me feel guilty."
"I want to help you," Pearl said, approaching him once more. She put a paw on top of his. "I'll do whatever I think helps."
"Okay… I certainly don't know what would," he admitted.
Pearl waited for a follow up, but it seemed that was all he had to say. She stared down at his conflicted yellow eye for a little while, wondering what she had accomplished. He had acknowledged her interest… Sort of. He hadn't outright denied her, but he hadn't said yes, either, and he had shown her more of his core issue.
On one side, the pain and loss he had felt, and on the other… Her. She wished it was not solely her against that; he had loved his children and parents for season-cycles, and at best she could say he was merely attracted to her now.
Ember pat his tail against the sand at his side, a wordless invitation.
Pearl took him up on his offer before he had a chance to change his mind, and snuggled against his warm scales. Maybe it was not her alone against his pain. Maybe they were working together to fight it off. She hoped so.
Author's Note: Boy, this was a hard one too. The crux of Pearl and Ember's relationship was always going to be something like this, but Ember's problem wasn't really meant to have an easy solution, and it would be unrealistic of me to have Pearl chase after him for so long in this story without getting anywhere, so I stuck myself in a difficult place, resulting in this. Ember's mind is a muddled mess, and I'm choosing not to depict it for my own sake, as well as for the story. Some part of him sees her and is definitely interested, a larger part still just wants to give up and let himself die, and in there somewhere is a bit of pre-merging Hiccup, who contributes some awkwardness even though Ember has had a mate before… Which is also probably adding to his mixed feelings. I didn't think I could do that tumultuous mix of things justice, so we only see a little of it, and that from Pearl's POV.