More Than This

by Graveyard Whispers

Naomi Payton was Daryl Dixon's childhood best friend. In truth, they were each others only friend. But sometimes growing up means growing apart and when Naomi's ambitions and Daryl's loyalty to his brother drive a wedge between them, will the world falling apart be enough to bring them together again? Hell, will they even find each other again?

13. Another Kind of Family

Naomi

Scavenging used to feel like breaking and entering, or at the very least intruding. But the more run-down places got, the more they started to look like bizarre museums. Once all the useful shit has been taken, you're really only left with old photographs and gadgets you can't switch on anymore. I wondered if one day we'd take kids to tour round them and tell them about blenders and electric razors.

The first few places we tried had nothing but a few kitchen knives. Frankie found a toolbox, held it up for us to look at, "Think we could use these?"

"Yeah, these are great," William said enthusiastically. "Alf will love these. He's got big plans, y'know."

"Yeah?" Frankie said, knowing full well that Alf sometimes fed William fake construction terms for his own amusement. "Like what?"

"A Galax to keep the rain off and a Feste for the Eastern side, I think," William said matter-of-factly, holding up a screwdriver to inspect it like he knew shit about tools. "This'll do."

"Ain't a Galax a wildflower?" Jack whispered. I nodded.

"And a Feste?" Dee asked.

"Shakespeare character," I said.

"Idiot," Frankie muttered fondly, rolling her eyes at the back of William's head. "Alright, c'mon, let's hit some of the bigger places."

The best houses were the ones that were the most protected. High-risk because there could still be someone living inside. But, being harder to get in to meant fewer people had tried, so there was a chance of finding something decent.

We hit up a three-story house. Eggshell blue with white around the windows and surrounded by a high iron fence. It had probably had a real pretty garden in its day. Now it were getting overgrown, and at some point, someone had fixed 'KEEP OUT' signs to the fence in soggy cardboard. Probably to keep living people away, the dead weren't known as avid readers.

As we climbed the fence, no shots were fired. Seemed like a good sign. There had once been a weather vane on the roof, which was now hanging, half-broken from the top. It swung in the wind, hitting the side of the house just often enough to get real annoying if you were living there. I liked to think that if anyone was living there, they would have fixed it or ripped it down. The ground floor windows were all locked from the inside. Looking up, the rest were closed, although they might not have been secured, the climb weren't worth the risk.

"All yours, Jack," I said. He grinned.

"Great," he said. We followed him around the side of the house. His chosen window looked older than the others, less taken care off. Frosted over like it were a bathroom. Jack pulled a crowbar out of his backpack. It was covered in dried blood and brains, perfect for cracking open skulls as well as windows. We kept a lookout as he forced it open. It took him a few tries.

When the latch eventually broke, Jack opened the window and pulled himself inside. He held it open as the rest of us climbed in. It was a bathroom, just like I thought.

"You think the shower still works?" Blanca said. "Can't remember the last time I washed my hair."

"Maybe," I shrugged. "We can try once we've checked the rest of the place out."

The bathroom door was shut, but the room weren't that big, and it was starting to get cramped with so many of us inside it. I squeezed past Jack and Blanca to try the handle as Dee scrambled up from outside. I thought it weren't going to open, that it were somehow locked from the other side. But then I felt it budge and pulled a little harder. It either hadn't been opened in a while, or it were just stiff.

The air in the hallway I stepped into was stale, like none of these locked windows had been open in months, and the house had been left to cook in the Georgia sun. I listened. The sound of my friends climbing in the window behind me, the banging of the old weather vane outside and the creaking of an old house was all I could hear. No yelling. No guns cocked and pointed at us. The place seemed undefended.

Clouds of dust rose up from the carpet when I stepped on it. I sneezed and listened again, in case that had drawn anything out of the shadows.

Nothing.

Dee followed me into the dim hallway. "Shame to see places like this falling into ruin," she said. She spoke in a whisper. Even when you were sure you were the only folks around, it took a little while to build up the courage to speak at full volume. Jack peered over her shoulder.

"Ah, it wasn't that great to begin with. Probably only has four - maybe five - bedrooms," Jack shrugged, revealing himself to be a pre-end-of-the-world rich bitch. Dee and I glanced at each other and tried not to laugh as Jack walked towards the front door. I went the opposite way, figuring that the kitchen was probably at the back of the house. Dee came with me.

"Think the towns are safe enough now for us to move here?" she asked. "Even if it ain't enough for his Lordship, five bedrooms sounds big enough for all of us."

"Maybe," I said reluctantly. A proper roof over our heads and the potential of running water was nothing to be sniffed at. The towns might be safer now everyone had cleared out of them. Unease held me back from joining Dee in her enthusiasm. There was something about the forest that felt like home to me, but I knew it weren't a kind of comfort anyone else could understand.

"Stinks in here," Frankie joined us the kitchen. It was definitely coming from the fridge, where a bunch of fresh food had probably been left to go off.

"Let's not open that," I said, pointing at it. Frankie nodded in agreement. The cupboards were fuller than I expected. Some of the tinned stuff might have been past its sell-by date but not enough for us to turn our noses up at it.

"Can't believe someone left all of this," Frankie said. "There's even some booze."

"Pack it up!" Jack called from the hallway. "We're celebrating tonight!"

The others whooped and cheered. I smiled, but when they weren't looking put a few of the smaller bottles of liquor in my bag. I don't think any of them had thought about how, in a pinch, alcohol could be used to disinfect wounds. Our already limited medical supplies wouldn't last forever.

I glanced at the back door, our best exit strategy if we had to escape any time soon, knowing it was locked from our attempts to get in I was relieved to see the keys still hanging on the inside. Easy to get to if we needed them.

"What is that noise?" Frankie said. I listened. Couldn't hear anything new. Thought it must've been our collective paranoia letting her imagine sounds that weren't there.

"The banging?" I asked. She nodded. "Think it's just that weather vane outside. Windy today."

She nodded again but didn't look so convinced. "It's loud."

"Super annoying," Dee agreed. "Shall we pack this food up?"

"Guys," Jack called from down the hall, clearly well past the point of giving a shit about anyone hearing. "We've hit the jackpot."

"Yeah, I know," I said. "I ain't seen this much food in a long time."

"What? That's not what I'm talking about," he said and then his eyes lit up. "Guns."

"Guns?" I repeated. He nodded and backed into one of the rooms at the front of the house, beckoning for us to follow. We filed in after him. It was a living room; sofas and a flat-screen. There were some half-empty bottles on the coffee table, sleeping bags on each sofa and some piled up blankets and pillows on the floor. Each window had some kind of gun on the sill, set up to be pointing out at the garden. Open boxes of ammo sat next to them, it were hard to say how full they were from my position by the door.

"Seems like they were protecting the house from in here," I said. "You think some of the other rooms are protected like this?"

I glanced back at the others, who were crowded in the doorway.

"Doesn't make sense if they weren't," Will said, turning around to check another room. The rest of the group scattered to do the same. Jack was beaming at me, but I couldn't shake the unease around me.

"More in here," Frankie called from the room opposite the one we were in.

"And here!" Will said from deeper inside the house.

"They set up the same?" I asked. "Facing the windows and all?"

There was a chorus of, "Yes."

"Hey, Naomi!" Blanca called. I popped my head out into the hallway to look at her. "This one's a library."

"No way!" I went to take a look, feeling like a kid on Christmas, my nerves were momentarily forgotten. It had been a while since I'd seen so many books in one place. They were covered in dust, some shelves stood in disarray, but there weren't much left in this world that wasn't in disarray.

"Think people were sleeping in here at some point," Blanca said.

"What?"

She nodded at the floor. Comforters and blankets and pillows were laid out in the familiar form of a makeshift camp. I picked my way over them to the bookshelves, peered through the dust at the titles. A box of matches lay on one of the shelves, next to two half-melted candles. I picked it up and opened it. Two had been used and put back, but there was a whole bundle in there that still looked useful. I put them in my pocket along with the dusty candles and turned my attention back to the books.

"Good selection," I said. "Lotta choices."

I felt like I were back in the public library as a kid, unable to decide between two stacks of books as I couldn't possibly carry them both on my own until Daryl got so annoyed he'd pick up one of the piles and take it out for me.

"You brought a book?" Dee asked, standing next to Blanca in the doorway and watching me bring one out of my bag. "You think we'd have a lot of down-time on this trip?"

"No," I said. "I'm just done reading it."

I had a system. Every time I went on a run, I'd leave whatever book I'd just finished and find a new one. That way, I got to keep reading without having to carry my own personal bookshop around with me. I'd read fast before, but it was even easier to do that now there was fuck all else to do. I lingered at the bookshelf, quickly skimming the rest of the titles there to make sure there weren't any better ones. I secretly hoped we'd have a reason to come back here next time we went on a run.

"I'm going to check the upstairs windows for guns too," Frankie said. "We should start a pile of them in the hall."

"I'll come with you!" I heard William reply.

"Me too!" Blanca said.

I glanced at Dee, who was still loitering in the doorway. She gave me a small smile. There were guns in the library window too.

"Guess I should grab these," I said, stepping over the remains of someone's bed to get to them. I took a closer look at the assortment of shit in the library, trying to find clues in the chaos. There were no rhyme or reason to any of it. It looked like they'd all just thrown back their covers and left. A hunk of mouldy bread sat on a tabletop, like it was waiting for someone to come back and finish it.

"Hey, Jack," I yelled, hoping he'd hear me through the walls. "How many bedrooms did you say this place had?"

"Four or five," he replied. I checked the guns were safe, scooped them up and took them out into the hall where everyone had started lining up a small armoury. Jack watched me put them down, "Why?"

"It's just weird," I said. "So, let's say there's four with at least two in each of those rooms. Six in the library. At least four in that room... Why were so many people sleeping here?"

"Where'd they go?" Dee asked the question we'd all been avoiding. Jack and I fell quiet. The house creaked. The weather vane continued its relentless banging, and our silence made it sound louder.

"Any signs of life up there?" Jack called up the stairs. There was a heart-stopping moment of silence where none of our friends responded. And then William stuck his head over railings of the second-floor landing.

"Nope," he said. "Just the same as down there."

"Any clues as to why they left?" I asked.

"No," he said. "Maybe they've all gone on a run?"

"If they did, it were months ago," I said, thinking about the amount of mould on the bread in the library. "Look at the state of this place. The dust. Mouldy food."

"So they're gone? That's good, right?"

"Yeah, but why are they gone?" I said. "They didn't pack anything. This place was well stocked, well-defended..."

"Yeah, why run out the back door and leave it all?" Jack asked, slowly reaching the same realisation.

"What makes you think they left out the back?" I said.

"Front door still has keys in it," he shrugged. "Windows were locked from the inside, so it must've been the back."

I looked behind him, to check the keys were where he said.

"Back door's locked from the inside too," I said. There was an icy cold silence as the implications of this sank through to our bones.

"They're still here?" his voice dropped to a whisper. I looked around at everyone. From the state of this place, how untouched everything was. There was no way anyone living could still be here

"Where's Frankie?" I asked, looking back up at William. "Blanca?"

"Third floor," he said and glanced behind them. "I think they found an attic."

"Get them back," Jack said, immediately springing into action and taking the stairs two at a time. Dee and I were right behind him. "Frankie! Blanca!"

We tore through the second level of the house, calling for our friends.

"What is it?" Blanca yelled back, sounding panicked by our screaming. As we came to the top of the second flight of stairs, she almost crashed into us. "What's going on?"

"Where's Frankie?" Jack asked.

"I'm here," she called, but she sounded far away. "All of you need to shut upright now."

We did.

We listened.

I took a few steps up until I could see Frankie at the end of a long landing. Her eyes were wide. When they met mine, she raised a finger to her lips.

From the third floor, you could hear more. What I'd thought were the creaks of an old house came from directly above us, along with the unmistakable shuffling of undead footsteps. The sounds we'd chalked up to being an old weather vane swinging in the wind was the banging of the hatch to the attic. It was louder than it had been, frantic. We'd made so much noise that the dormant dead upstairs now knew we were trespassing here. Each bang sent a cloud of dust to the ground. Cracks were running from it through the ceiling. I didn't know how long it would hold up, and it was right between Frankie and us.

"Get away from there," I whispered to Frankie, reaching out a hand towards her. "What the hell are you doing?"

"There's something written on the hatch," she whispered back, taking small and quiet steps towards us. "I wanted to see what it said."

"What does it say?"

"We all turn," she said. She was finally within reaching distance. "What do you think that means?"

"They all got infected somehow and shut themselves away in that attic, so they didn't infect anyone else," William suggested.

"Let's get moving," Jack said, now that Frankie was safely back with us. The ceiling above us gave an ominous groan.

"Why didn't they just shoot themselves in the head? Why leave an attic full of dead dumbasses to clear up?" I said, annoyed by how weirdly attached some people were to the thought of their own corpse. I knew I'd prefer to go out on my own terms than have some dead lookalike wandering around traumatising anyone who knew me, passing on the disease. That ain't no legacy.

Nobody spoke again until we were a safe distance from the attic.

"That ceiling isn't going to hold much longer," Frankie said. "They started moving more when they heard us... you know how the dead are always more active when they know we're nearby."

"We should get out," I said.

"Eh... We've got a bit of time," Frankie said.

"Are you crazy?" I asked. "You were standing under than thing, you know it's about to burst."

"Staying here is a risk," William agreed.

"We stick to the lower floors, we'll be fine," Frankie said.

"There is a lot of good shit here," Jack said, looking pointedly down at the pile of guns we'd left on the floor.

"Food too..." Blanca said. I glanced at Dee, who looked uncertain but weren't saying anything, and then at William. He shook his head at me, but we were outnumbered.

"Fine," I sighed. "But we start piling things up in the yard, and if we hear anything from up there, we run. Right?"

Everyone nodded.

"Agreed," Frankie said. "And let's be as quiet as we can. There's a chance that if we're quiet enough, they'll slow down again."

I doubted it. The dead could be real persistent, and the ones upstairs probably hadn't eaten in a very long time. I didn't know if that would weaken them or make them stronger.

Dee and I moved to the kitchen, bagging up every piece of unspoiled food that we could and piling them up near the fence outside. The others frantically searched for weapons and did the same. Felt like a gang of thieves racing to grab as much as we could before the cops showed up. When all of the decent food was out, I turned to take stock of it all.

"Right," I said, "We can't carry much more than this, let's go."

"Alright," William said, sweat on his brow from all of the running in and out he'd been doing. "I'll get the others."

"Where are they?" I asked.

"Getting shit from upstairs, I think," he said. I was about to curse them for being such dumbasses, maybe I did, I don't remember. All I remember is a crash from deep inside the house and a scream that still rings in my ears if I think about it.

I picked up a gun and ran towards the house. William followed.

The walls were shaking, and I could feel the vibrations passing through the floor. The smell and the sound of the dead was strong, as they cascaded down the stairs. The ceiling had finally broken, and now they were falling over each other to get down the stairs. Tumbling like a waterfall over the steps.

I caught sight of Dee, still in the kitchen, cut off from us by a growing pile of walkers that continued to try and get to us on limbs that had broken from the fall.

"Get out the back!" I yelled at her as I started shooting. She disappeared from view, I looked around for the others, heard some shooting from the floor above us and then Blanca and Jack appeared at the top of the stairs.

"Shit!" Jack shouted, shooting wildly into the growing number of dead at the bottom.

"Behind you!" I yelled. He turned to start shooting at the three that had made it down from the third floor to try and grab them. Dee joined us in the doorway, having made it out the back and run around to pick up a gun of her own. Together, we cleared enough at the bottom. There were more to come, I could hear them thumping and snarling their way down, but it were enough of a window for Jack to leap to safety. He cleared the bodies at the bottom of the stairs. Blanca weren't so lucky, her foot went right through a ribcage. Got lodged there. She looked like she might hurl. I reached out for her

"Frankie?" I asked.

Blanca shook her head. "They... they just tore her apart."

I grabbed her arm and hauled her free of the corpse she was stuck in.

"Let's move!" I yelled as another wave of the dead started raining down on us.

We backed out into the yard, Jack firing off a few more shots for good measure. The noise we were making had got the attention of more dead assholes. They were making their slow death march towards the fence.

"We gotta go," Jack said. "Grab what you can."

There was a scramble to pick up weapons as more bodies flooded out into the yard. We ran for the fence. I saw Dee struggling to climb it, and stopped to give her a leg up. Jack shot at some of the dead that were close to where she was at the gate. William had already cleared it, did his best to cover us from the other side of the fence, shooting at the dead still spilling out of the house behind us. Blanca made it over too and then Jack and I scrambled up.

Hitting the ground again sent a sharp pain shooting through my ankle. I looked down at my foot, cursed myself for not bending my knees properly. It made my next few steps really shaky, slowed me down.

"NAOMI!" I heard someone yell, I think it was Jack. "Come on!"

I looked up again. There were now far more dead coming towards the fence we'd just cleared. A line of them cut me off from my friends. I looked behind me, to a clearer path somewhere safe.

I couldn't see them all, I could just see the occasional friendly face and flash of a kife as they took out any immediate danger. A gunshot in a crowd like this was a death sentence. We were lucky that they were still heading towards the house, where we'd made most of our noise, but we only had seconds before they smelt us. I caught Jack's eye.

"Run," I mouthed. "I'll catch up."

I backed away from them, drawing a knife and taking out any of the dead who came too close. I turned and ran down a side street, ducking behind some bins in the hope that their rancid smell would be enough to disguise me. Being on my own turned out to be an advantage. Majority of the dead would smell the group before me.

That thought didn't bring me much comfort or relief, it filled me with fear that I'd lose them like we'd lost Frankie. How could I go home and face everyone if I was the only one coming back?

There's gotta be something I can do.

I stood up. I could hear the crowd getting louder, which either meant it was getting bigger or that they were feasting on someone. I took a deep breath, held it, and lifted the lid of the dumpster next to me as quietly as I could. It were hard not to throw up at the amount of mouldy and rotten shit in there. I did a quick scan of everything that had been chucked out when there were still garbage men to come and collect it.

Please have chucked out some useful shit.

I grabbed for a broken wire hanger, covered in green fungus from something that had probably once been edible. I picked up the wooden handle of a mop and used to move aside a few rotting rats that had climbed in there to die. A piece of garden twine stuck up from the bottom. I sent out a silent prayer and pulled. It was wrapped around something damp and foul-smelling, took a few tugs to get it free. When it came loose I was so relieved I let the dumpster lid close with a bang. A snarl at the end of the alleyway told me it had not gone unnoticed.

I swore under my breath and looked around for an escape or, more specifically, a way up. A fence at the other end of the alley looked strong enough to hold my weight, and from there, I might be able to reach a fire escape on the other side.

I ran, ignoring the snarling behind me and the sound of other feet dragging in my direction. Throwing the mop up to the fire escape first, I scrambled up the fence after it, my hands sore from all the damn climbing I was doing. I balanced on the top, it was thinner than it looked from the ground, hard to balance on. I inched closer to the fire escape and tried not to look at how big the gap was, or think about how much it would hurt.

The fence started to shake under me as the first dead one reached it. It was now or never. I jumped. Reached out. My already throbbing hands slammed into one of the metal railings of the fire escape. The rust grazed my hands as I swung there. I pulled myself up. Took a lot of effort. My upper-body strength had never been great, but all of the climbing I'd done in the last few months had helped. Only feeling better when my feet touched solid metal, I took a break standing on the wrong side of the rails. My arms were burning, and I was out of breath.

I climbed over the handrail to the safety of the stairs. Legs shaking from the shock of being on solid ground again, I pushed on, running up to the roof. From there, I did my best to see where my friends might have run to. I couldn't see any of them and hoped that meant they were taking shelter somewhere and not already dead.

My only clue as to where they might be was a big group of dead idiots who were too focused on one building in particular. A door could keep one dead bastard out. But a whole group? I'd seen them get frantic enough to break it.

I bent the wire in the hanger and tied the piece of twine around each end real tight. I tested it a few times, making sure that when I pulled on the twine, it would snap back into place. Standing on one end of the mop handle and pulling on the other, I managed to snap a piece off. Got a goddamn splinter in the process. I ripped one of the sleeves off my shirt, soaked it in one of the small bottles of alcohol and wrapped it around the top. I loaded it into my homemade slingshot of hanger and twine and left it on the ledge of the roof while I rooted around in my pocket for the matches.

My fingers closed around the box when I pulled them out again they were shaking. Could have been the strain of getting me up here, but the sick knot in my stomach told me it was nerves. I hadn't used anything like this since...

Well, it weren't usually me who used it, anyway. Daryl had always been the better shot.

I struck a match. Held it to the alcohol-soaked cloth. Wondered if he'd have been proud of my crude attempt at a crossbow.

Probably would've laughed and called you a goddamn nerd.

The thought of it was weirdly comforting, and when the cloth caught fire and I picked up the flaming coat hanger crossbow, my hands had stopped shaking.

Find your target.

It was like he was there, teaching me to fire his dad's crossbow all over again.

Steady hand, girl.

I trained it on an abandoned car near the horde.

Close one eye. You get better aim that way.

I closed my right eye. Weirdly, my left always felt strongest. Maybe I needed glasses. I'd meant to book an eye test before the world ended.

Concentrate, dumbass.

I readjusted slightly, using just my left eye to aim.

Whenever you're ready.

I pulled back as far as I dared without snapping the damn thing. The car looked too far away, the piece of wood felt too heavy to make it.

You can do this.

I let go. My makeshift arrow soared through the air with such force it smashed through the window of the car. I leapt up and down with joy, although I knew I were celebrating alone.

The fire grew inside the car. Wouldn't be long before it was enough to create a big enough distraction for my friends to get themselves safe. Once it hit any remaining gas, I hoped the explosion would be big enough to take a few of them out.

I climbed down the fire escape on the opposite side of the building, in case the dead ones that had tried to chase me up were still there. When I got to the bottom, I heard the car explode. I made my way round to the back of the building I assumed my friend's had been hiding out in. There were doors there that were already open. I tried to guess where they might have run, wished I were a better tracker, but I'd always had someone else to cover it.

Then I saw Jack, out looking for me.

"Naomi..." he said it so quietly that from so far away, it were almost like he'd mouthed it. I could tell by the way Jack looked at me that something had gone wrong. Heart sinking down to the tips of my toes, I half-walked half-ran towards him.

"What is it?" I asked when I was close enough not to have to yell it. He took a deep breath. "Blanca..." he whispered, and then he couldn't really say anything else. We all knew by then what saying someone else's name in that tone meant. He looked to his right, through the door of an independent coffee shop that had managed to survive the Starbucks-takeover only to sit abandoned now. Still alive, but leaning against the counter in a pool of her own blood, sat Blanca. She looked at me with nothing but fear and despair. Dee watched over her, barely holding it together.

"You're okay," I said immediately, rushing in to take a look at her wounds. Dee took a step back. From the amount of blood around Blanca, I knew she weren't okay, but I felt like it if I just said it enough times, I could make it real. She nodded, but neither of us believed it. "I'll bandage you up."

I ripped off my other sleeve and tied it around her arm as tight as I could to stop the fast flow of blood streaming from the open wound on her wrist. Looked like the whole thing had been ripped out by Groundling teeth. It had severed something pretty major.

"I got bit..." she said like it weren't visible.

"Yeah," I said. "But maybe if we cut off the infected bit, it won't spread... and you'll be alright."

I had no idea if what I was saying was right, but it felt better than doing nothing. For a second, I felt less hopeless.

"Not just there," she said, using her non-bit hand to pull the collar of her shirt to one side. "Here too."

There was a bite just above her collar bone. It weren't bleeding half as much, but there was no cutting it out without killing her faster. Defeat rose up to overwhelm me. I sat back, my brain working overtime to get us out of this.

"We can get you to the CDC," I said. "They might have a cure there."

Blanca shook her head. "It's too far," she said, her voice was getting weaker. "Too dangerous. I won't ask any of you to risk that."

"You ain't gotta ask," I said. I couldn't believe she'd accepted this fate so calmly. In her position, I'd have absolutely lost my shit. "I'll take you. We can make it there and back, just you and me."

"No," she said. "Mia needs you. My kids need you."

"They'll be fine until we get back," I said. "Jack and Dee will look after them. Won't youâ guys?"

They didn't answer me right away, so I turned to them. Jack looked at me and nodded. Dee just swallowed back a sob. Seeing them both slowly accept what was happening made me well up too.

"Naomi," Blanca said. "It's too late. Even if there was a cure, I'd bleed out before we got there."

"No," I said. I bent down to retie the tourniquet I'd made. "I can stop it... I can stop it."

Even as my fingers grappled with undoing the knot, I knew it was pointless. Blood had already turned it a damp crimson. It was slower. But not enough.

"You can't stop it," she said. This time, when I looked at her, she had started to cry. My hands shook, my vision blurred. I sat back on my heels, wiping my eyes and nose on the back of my hand. I took a deep breath, now weren't the time to dissolve. Whatever pain this was giving me, it were nothing compared to what Blanca must have been going through.

"We'll carry you back to camp," I said. I glanced back at Jack and Dee again to see if they were willing to help. Jack gave a small nod and stepped forward. "You should be with Josè and Perla. You should be with your family."

"I am with family," she reached out to touch my arm. "And I do not want my kids to see this."

"Blanca... " I didn't know what else to say. I couldn't argue. If the roles were reversed, I wouldn't want Mia to see me dying.

"We'll stay with you," Jack said with a loud sniff. "We'll stay."

"Thank you," Blanca let go of me and took his shaking hand. I felt Dee kneel down behind me too. "My kids...?"

Her voice was almost a whisper. She were too weak to finish her sentence.

"We'll take care of them," I said. "We'll protect them. I promise they'll be okay."

She couldn't say much. She could only nod. A few minutes after that, she passed out from the blood loss. When she stopped responding, I started measuring her pulse as it got weaker and weaker.

"What do we do?" Dee asked.

"Nothing we can do," I said. "You heard her."

"No, I mean... what do we do when she turns?"

I glanced at Jack, who looked away from me.

"We deal with it," I said. "Like she's any other Groundling."

Saying it felt like a betrayal. Dee shook her head. "I don't think... I don't think I can."

I looked at Jack again. He weren't looking too sure either.

"It's fine," I said because I had no other choice. We couldn't leave Blanca to roam around and infect others just because we loved her. If she'd been conscious and overheard us, she'd have begged us to do the right thing. "I'll do it. Before she turns."

She didn't regain consciousness, she didn't ask me to shoot her or leave her to turn. Her breathing changed, a death rattle as her body struggled to take in more oxygen. The sound made us all flinch. When she was silent, I checked for a pulse. Couldn't find one. I checked again and again until I was sure.

"Is she gone?" Dee whispered, I looked back at her and nodded. She stepped closer to me. My hand shook, but something about having her near helped me step back from Blanca's body and raise my gun. Something about having people to protect makes you a hell of a lot stronger. Dee stayed with me but looked away, her head turned to look at the back of mine.

I want to say that Blanca looked peaceful, but she didn't. I think most folks only look peaceful at the end if they get to go all drugged up in a nursing home or some shit. It's fucking awful for everyone these days. They go kicking and screaming.

My finger tensed on the trigger. "I'm so sorry," I whispered to Blanca before I pulled it. Brain matter hit the wall. The force of the shot made her body slump further down.

The gun rattled my hands were shaking so much. Then I felt Dee put her arms around me. "Thank you," she whispered again. Jack walked up behind us and wrapped his arms around us both. I was grateful for them both. Everything I'd thought until now, that no matter how long Mia and I were with them it would always be us first and them second, was wrong. People who can watch you kill one your own and still accept you like that, still want to comfort you once you've done it, those folks are family.

"We need to find William," I said before I started crying so hard I wouldn't be able to stop. "... that shot was too loud."

"William ran back to the house," Jack said, letting go of us and walking towards the door farthest from Blanca's body. None of us could bear to look back at it. "To see if he could salvage anything."

Dee held me at arm's length, "You good?"

"Yeah," I said, but my voice cracked a little, it had been a while since anyone had asked me that. "Let's go."

The day had been so shitty that I half-expected not to find William. Or for his corpse to greet us instead. But he was fine and waiting for us by the high fences of the big house.

"Good car bomb," he said.

"Thanks," I said but couldn't muster a smile.

"I got what I could," he gestured to the pile of stuff he'd managed to gather up. He looked at the three of us. "Blanca?"

None of us spoke, he read the truth in our faces.

We walked home in silence, but we'd never walked so close together.

"They're here!" I heard Mia call when we were in sight of the camp. A ladder tumbled down from the trees. Usually, conversation waited until the returning party had safely climbed back up, but this time Izzy climbed down to meet us.

"Only four of you?" she said, peering behind us like Blanca and Frankie might just be dawdling. That spark of hope was extinguished as she reached the bottom. I watched her run to Jack. He sped up to meet her.

"They didn't make it," I heard him say as they embraced. Izzy pulled back and looked at him, and at that moment, I got it. All the fighting they did, all the bickering, it was worth it to have someone hold you like that when everything was falling apart. I looked away from them, up at the trees.

Mia peered down. I saw Josè and Perla next to her, already looking worried that their Momma weren't with us. I was so overwhelmed I had to stop walking.

"You okay?" Dee asked quietly.

I swallowed. "I gotta tell the kids."

"Let me do it," she said.

It was a kind enough offer to almost tempt me into accepting. "Nah," I said. "I'm the one who did it, it should be me."

"Then let me come with you," she offered. I looked at her, to see if she were offering to be polite or if she meant it. "Please?"

I nodded.

Each rung of the ladder I climbed up, I could feel my stomach sink right back down again. Dee was right behind me. The kids were waiting for us at the top.

"Naomi!" Mia instantly threw her arms around my neck. "You were gone so long, it's almost dark, you've got blood all over you, and-"

"Slow down, kid," I said. "I missed you too. Just give me a sec."

It was great to see her after such a shitty day, but the bad parts weren't over yet. I moved her to the side slightly and looked at where Josè and Perla were still looking anxiously at the forest underneath us. But I think they knew. They were already sad.

"Mama...?" Perla asked me but weren't able to say any more before her eyes filled with tears. Josè wouldn't even look at me like he could smell my guilt.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I'm so sorry, but she didn't make it."

Perla reached for her brother. Josè stared at the ground and took her hand. He didn't cry, didn't even blink, just stared at his shoes and said, "How'd it happen?"

The question I'd been dreading.

"She got bit," I said. "There were a whole bunch of Groundlings... we got separated... we-"

"Did she turn?" Josè asked. I couldn't stop thinking about Blanca. Her pained face, the sounds of her last breaths.

"We took care of it before she did," Dee said, and I felt her hand on my arm.

There was a long silence. Josè looked up at me. "You took care of it."

It was a statement more than a question, but I still said, "Yes."

He nodded. Didn't say anything else for a little while and then, "I want to help. Next time people go out, I want to be there too. I'm old enough."

"Okay," I said. Didn't feel like it should be my decision but Blanca weren't here to make it any more. He should learn, we needed everyone.

"I should have been there to help," he said. "What you did... It should have been me. Should have been family."

No.

"It ain't your job," I said. I was so choked up that it came out as a whisper. Kids in the new world weren't just growing up fast, they were growing up with a warped sense of what's right. We're all family now, kid. If today taught me anything, that's it."

"No," he glared at me. "She was our mother."

It stung.

"I know," I said. "I didn't mean-"

"We all loved Blanca," Dee stepped in. "Obviously none of more than you two. But she was surrounded by people who cared about her. "

José turned on his heels and walked away from us, dragging Perla behind him. Dee looked at me. "Went as well as it could," she said. I nodded, but I still felt like shit.

The whole camp were silent that night. Perla moved her sleeping bag to be next to Mia. In the night, I woke up to the sound of Mia comforting her friend in whispers, and I was so proud it lifted my sadness for a moment.

The next day, Alf carved a tribute to Frankie and Blanca into the trees. It took a long time to recover, camp was quite for while. We trained the kids on how to use knives and guns as well as how to use things that weren't traditionally thought of as weapons to protect themselves if they were in a tight spot. We took at least one of them on most runs. They needed to get better at this, we all did.

The weather started to turn, the nights got gradually longer, the days colder. We were so used to staying alive from one moment to the next that I'd forgotten about winter, but it was rolling in. Hadn't thought about how we'd all freeze to death up here if it snowed. Guess there's a reason birds migrate.

We put it off for as long as possible, all of us too afraid to spend too long in town. It was only when the kids went from shivering and sneezing to prolonged coughing fits that we decided it was time to move. Finding somewhere inside to shelter for winter was the only way to survive it. Food was already getting scarce.

Mia and Perla were sick. It weren't too bad, just seemed like a regular cold or flu, but there were no medicines around to make them feel better. We needed somewhere warmer, drier. Somewhere they could properly fight off a winter cold. So, with a heavy heart and a lot of apprehensions, we packed up our stuff and returned to solid ground.

"We can always come back in the summer," Alf said with a cheerfulness that I think was meant to distract us from how sad he was about leaving his building project. We all agreed. I think some of us even believed it.

We spent a few days moving from place to place, too nervous about settling in one place for too long. We walked from one town to the next until the cold got too much. Eventually, we took shelter in an old school. There was a fence around it to keep us safe, and we could take out the gym mats and sleep on the floor. We made a fire pit in the middle that filled the gym hall with smoke. Not great for our lungs, but it was better than freezing to death.

Within a few days, it seemed like the kids were getting better. I could feel a dry tickle at the back of my throat like I might be coming down with it too. But I were too glad that Mia was recovering to complain.

Old scraps of paper from around the school came in useful to block out the windows, so none of the dead were attracted to the light. All of us got a little bit sick, a little feverish. Mine lasted about three days before it broke and I could get up and help out again. I could hear Alf coughing like he was about to bring up one of his lungs.

"You okay, Alf?" I asked him.

"Shouldn't have skipped my last flu shot," he said with a smile. But he looked like shit. All sweaty and feverish.

"Rest, and it'll pass," I said. "Go and lie by the fire and I'll bring you some water."

He nodded and went to lie down.

"We need more blankets," I said to Dee as I went to pick up a water bottle for him. "Alf's getting sick now."

"Was only a matter of time," she said.

"Given his age, it'll hit him harder," Lucas said.

"William and I are heading out soon. I'll see what we can do," Dee assured him.

Lucas still looked worried. Alf had looked after him when his back was still healing, I could see he was anxious to repay that debt.

"Want to come and get some more firewood with me?" I asked.

"Yes," he said, glad of something to do. We climbed the fence to look at the nearby forest. I showed him what we were looking for, which pieces were useful as they were and which would need to be dried out. He was a quick learner and had been eager to help since we'd taken him in.

We carried it all back to camp as it started to get dark. Dee and Will were back already.

"Got a quilt," Will said. "It's a little mouldy but better than nothing."

"Great work," I said, looking over at where Alf was lying under as many blankets as we could spare. The fire was lit, Perla and Mia were playing some kind of game with a bean bag they'd found in one of the cupboards. We gathered around the fire to cook up a little of our rations.

"Should we take some over to Alf?" Lucas asked.

"Nah, he's sound asleep," Dee said. "Didn't even stir when we put more blankets on him. Save him some."

We portioned some off and set it aside. Mia brought over a book from one of the classrooms, she and Perla sat next to me while I read it to them. Most of the reading materials we'd found here were obviously kids books, but we were so starved for entertainment that I knew the adults were listening to me too.

"Look who's finally up and about," Jack interrupted, with a smile. "You're just in time to hear Mary get into the Secret Garden for the first time."

I glanced over at Alf. There was a soft thud as blankets hit the floor. He stood up in that weak and unsteady way you get up from a nap when you're ill.

"Alf?" Lucas called over to him. "You up, buddy? You need some more water?"

Alf didn't answer, just kept walking towards us. And then we heard it. The sound the dead make. We all stood up, looking around in the hope that our worst fear weren't coming true. But there was no escaping it, that sound was coming from Alf. I pulled out my pistol.

"He's turned?" José sounded panicked. "How'd that happen? Did he get bit?"

I looked at him, and Mia and Perla.

"Get in the cupboard," I said. "Now."

Felt like my veins were on fire with the urgency of it all. Mia and Perla ran immediately. José stared me down.

"You too," I said to him.

"No," he said.

"NOW."

"You can't tell me what to do," he said. "Not now. Not ever."

"I promised Blanca..." I started to say. I could already hear his counterpoint that no matter what I'd said to his Momma, I would never have the same authority that she did. But then Alf stepped closer to the fire, and the light caught his face. I saw the determination in Josè's eyes change. It's different. When the corpse walking at you is someone you knew, it ain't the same as taking out some stranger. Josè backed away from me, defeated, and joined Mia and his little sister in safety.

The rest of the group were looking at me in shock, I knew they were waiting for me to take that shot. My pistol felt heavy, my fingers like they were made of lead. Alf stumbled towards us. Maybe it was because it was so dark, and I was used to Alf being unsteady on his feet. Alf just looked like Alf. Only the growling gave away that he'd turned. I raised my pistol, hand shaking with the effort of it.

I waited for him to get closer. I don't know why, it might have made it worse, but part of me just wanted to see his face. It would have helped me stop seeing him as Alf our friend, architect of our fallen treetop community, and see him as another dead bastard.

A gunshot rang out.

Alf fell to the ground.

By my fingers hadn't moved to the trigger.

Surprised, I looked around at everyone. Most looked back at me just the same. Only Lucas stared straight ahead, gun raised and trained on the space where what had once been Alf had stood. Dee and Izzy moved to take care of the body. I went to stand beside Lucas. I put a hand on his outstretched arm and helped him lower his gun.

"Thank you," I said quietly. Lucas looked at me, his eyes heavy with the weight of what he'd just had to do.

"It shouldn't have to be you," he whispered. "Not after Blanca."

"Thank you," I said again. I lead him by the elbow to the other room, where the kids were waiting. Even if they hadn't been trying to listen, they'd have heard that gunshot.

"Is it over?" Mia asked. I nodded. She glanced at Lucas, who looked like he were about to chuck his guts up. "Did he...?"

I nodded again. Mia's eyebrows went up like she were slightly impressed.

"Can you get him some water?" I asked, guiding him to a chair to sit down.

"Yeah," Mia nodded and ran to get some. Perla, forever her shadow, went with her. José moved to the door.

"Can I help?" he asked. I wondered if he was still mad at me for shoving him in the 'kids room'. "Can I help bury the body?"

"Yes," I said. "That would be much appreciated."

He nodded. He didn't say so, but I think we were alright now, maybe we'd even be friends again when the sun came up.

Daryl

Babies have this way of looking at you that reminds you you're all they got. Someone coughed. I looked up to see Beth standing in the cell door. It was kind of weird, being in a prison. Reminded me of when I'd visited Merle in juvie. I wondered if any of these cells looked like ones he'd been banged up in.

"Didn't see you there," I said, wondering how long she'd been staring at me staring at Rick's little girl.

"Rick's asked me to look after the baby," she said, awkwardly. Beth and I didn't talk much. She was young, and she'd been lucky in life. Didn't seem like we'd have much in common.

"Yeah?" I stood up to leave.

"Thing is..." she said, looking at little Asskicker like she might grow an extra head. "I don't know shit about babies."

"You'll pick it up," I said. "It ain't that hard. Hell, your dad should know, he can show you."

"He's a veterinarian, not a midwife."

"He had you and your sister, dummy," I said. "Must've picked up at least a few things."

"Maybe," she said. "I just... I dunno what to do if she cries. What if she gets hungry?"

"Glenn and your sister will be back before she gets hungry," I said. They'd been gone a while. Since Maggie and Glenn had started hooking up, their runs had been getting longer. The threat of a starving baby should have been enough to stop them from screwing around this time. "You know how to hold her?"

"No," she said.

"Here, I'll show you," I said. The baby looked up at me in that way newborns do when they ain't really seeing anything. I reached down and picked her up. It's easy to forget how small they are until you're holding one again. "Support the head, that's the most important part."

"I... always thought I'd be good with kids," Beth said. "Always wanted to be a Momma when I grow up. But... she's so tiny. I'm scared I'll break her."

"We all gotta look after this little girl," I reminded her. "That means you too."

It had been days since Lori died and the weight of it still hung around the prison. Hung around Rick most of all.

"Hold your arms out like I've got mine now, and I'll pass her to you," I said.

"Okay..." Beth mimicked the way I was holding the baby. When she stopped looking terrified, I passed her over. She got it easy enough.

"Ain't so hard, is it?" I said.

"How'd you get to know so much about this?" she asked.

"Surprised?"

"Well... yeah," she looked embarrassed. "You don't much seem like a kid-friendly guy is all."

"That so?"

"Didn't mean it in a bad way," she said, clearly worried she'd offended me. "Just... you don't talk much and you ain't... I mean you're... on your own a lot, I just..."

"It's okay," I said, letting her off the hook. "I know what you mean. I ain't no Mr Rodgers."

She looked relieved.

"So... where' you learn it?" she asked. When I didn't answer right away, she panicked again. "Shit, you weren't a dad before this, were ya?"

"Nah," I said and laughed at how ridiculousthatidea was. "I had a... friend growing up. Her little sister was born when we were only a couple of years younger than you are now. I used to look after her sometimes."

I made it sound so much smaller than it was, or at least how it had felt at the time.

"Like babysitting?" Beth asked.

"Kinda," I said, and then because that weren't a great explanation, I said, "My friend's Momma weren't... she had a lot of problems. So, sometimes she'd disappear for a few days. We were all Mia had."

I felt a twinge of guilt, but the dead can't get mad at you for spilling their secrets.

"Mia," Beth said. "Was that her name?"

"Yeah," I said, and I had to stop looking at the baby because it hurt. Hadn't realised I'd let it slip. There's something about babies that get your guard down. Makes you say dumb shit. I think that's why baby talk is so popular.

"Maybe you could ask Rick to name this one Mia," Beth said. "Y'know, as, like, a tribute."

"Nah," I said and stood up, wanting to be far away from her and the baby. I knew she meant well, but I was suddenly mad as shit. I'd missed so much of Mia growing up, and now she were most likely dead. And for the sake of what? A dumb fight?

Beth called after me, but I hardly heard her. I was clouded by thoughts of Naomi and me and tiny baby Mia just after she'd been born. How, right then, I'd wanted nothing more than to get a place for the three of us, away from the shit we'd grown up with. That was what I'd wanted to save for when I'd started working for Merle. How had I lost sight of that?

I got what Beth were trying to do, with the tribute and all, but I didn't want that. The ghost of a future that would never come to pass already haunted me. I didn't need it walking and talking around me too.

There were Walkers at the fence. I beat as many of their brains in as I could. It helped. But not enough. I was mad about so much, and once the floodgates opened, it was hard to stop it. That little girl had to grow up without Lori. Lori would have been a great Momma, which is rare as shit, and now she was dead. Carol would've been great too. She'd have loved to see that little baby, but she was gone. Her and T-Dog, gone when some asshole had cut a hole in the fence and let Walkers in. We didn't even have their bodies to bury. Didn't have Andrea's body either, we'd lost her when a horde had driven us off of Hershel's farm.

I headed back inside, to be by myself for a bit so I wouldn't end up getting in a fight with anyone or yelling at them because I was mad. I sat down amongst a bunch of dead Walkers and just started stabbing my knife at the ground, trying to push everything I was feeling back down where it belonged.

There was a door banging not far off, some dead asshole we hadn't managed to clear.

I stood up to find it. The noise were damn annoying and doing nothing to improve my mood. The banging door wouldn't open the whole way because it kept hitting some dead bastard. I kicked him out of my way and raised my knife, ready for the Walker on the other side. I opened the door, saw nothing. Looked down.

Carol reached out for me, barely conscious.

My anger vanished. Everything I'd been angry about, everything that we'd lost... we'd just got something back.

A fucking miracle.

She passed out. Must've been days she'd been trapped in there without food or water. I picked her up, carried through to the main Cell Block and put her down on her bunk where she belonged. I fetched her some water, and when I came back, she was awake again.

"Hey," I said, unable to hide my smile. "You alright? Gave us a real fright there."

She smiled and tried to speak, but her voice was too hoarse.

"Drink this," I told her, handing her the cup of water. She took it from me, her hand shaking a little she was so weak. "Wait here, I'll get Hershel to come check on you."

I hadn't seen Hershel for a while, but he had to be around somewhere, hard to hide from people when you're cooped up in a prison with them. I heard a commotion coming from the common room and went to take a look. Hershel was in there with Rick and Carl. Rick had some chick I'd never seen before pinned to the ground. She was reaching for a sword, and there was blood on her leg, could've been a bite but it looked more like a gunshot.

"Rick?" I said. "What the hell is this?"

He glanced up at me but didn't answer right away. I didn't have time for whatever shit this was. Carol being safe and sound was way more important. "Y'all come on in here."

"Everything alright?" Rick asked.

"You're gonna wanna see this," I said. I kinda didn't want to spoil the surprise, also kinda wanted to put a pin in whatever the hell was going down here.

"Carl, get the bag," Rick nodded to a bag I hadn't clocked before. He looked back at the woman on the ground. "The doors are all locked. You'll be safe here, and we can treat that."

He pointed at her busted up leg.

"I didn't ask for your help," she yelled after us. At Rick's request, I locked her in, although I didn't look like she'd be able to run on that leg.

"What's in the bag?" Beth asked, looking down at us from the top of the main staircase, baby still in her arms.

"Formula," Rick replied.

I didn't get the implications of that at first. Just wondered why Rick was being an asshole to someone who'd gone to all this trouble to bring us something for his kid. Then I saw the worry on Beth's face, realised that Glenn and Maggie weren't back. If there were ever a time for good news, it was now.

"Bring that baby down here," I yelled up to Beth. I lead them to Carol's cell. She sat up when she saw everyone, arms out to embrace them.

"Poor thing fought her way into a cell, must've passed out, dehydrated," I said. When everyone had got a proper Carol-hug, Beth handed her the baby. They all looked truly happy for a moment. Then Carol looked around for Lori and found the truth in Rick's eyes.

"Rick," she said. "I'm so sorry."

He looked away from her.

"Carl, Beth," Hershel looked at the kids. "Go fetch some food for Carol."

They nodded and ran off. I wondered how much of it was a way of trying to distract them from the heaviness around them.

"I'm alright, really," Carol tried to assure us.

"Let me check you over," Hershel said. "Rick, will you take the baby?"

Rick hesitated. Looking at that kid must've been damn hard. Probably why the kid didn't have a name yet. Carol passed the baby over, and Hershel guided her back to her bunk. He checked her pulse, her reactions and asked her a few questions about how she was feeling.

"Honestly," she said. "I don't need this fuss."

"You need to rest," Hershel said. "Get some food and drink in you. Sleep if you can."

Carl and Beth ran back with some canned food. Rick put a hand on Carol's shoulder, "These two are gonna look after you, okay. You need to get your strength up."

I hoped his words didn't give away that there was a new threat at the prison. Didn't want Carol stressing out over that until she was ready.

Beth looked at Rick, "You need me to take the baby again?"

It was nice to see she were already more confident. Carol was the perfect person to help her, too. Having her back was more than a miracle, it was a blessing.

"It's good to have you back," Rick said to her, as Beth took the baby. Carol smiled at him as he stepped back out of the cell.

"I'll be back to check on you," Hershel said. "You rest up now."

"Thanks, Hershel," she said. I went to follow him into the main part of the prison, but Carol reached up and grabbed my arm. "And thankyou,Daryl. You saved me."

I could feel the others looking at me, the intensity of it burned my cheeks. Didn't want them to see me blush, so I looked away.

"You saved your self," I told her. "Staying alive in there... I just found you is all."

I was too uncomfortable to say anything else. I wanted to tell her how happy I was that she was back, that things without her had been shit. But I couldn't. So I left to join Rick and Hershel outside.

"You good, Daryl?" Rick asked me, amused by how much this was making me squirm. I wondered if this was how guys like him - guys who were proper heroes - felt most of the time, how they didn't die from the embarrassment of it all.

Desperate to change the subject, I said, "Who's the chick with the sword?"

"Don't know yet," he said. "You willing to come help me find out?"

"Sure," I said, "let me get my things."

I went back to my own cell to pick up my crossbow. In my experience, pointing it could make anyone more talkative. I met up with Rick and Hershel again just outside of the locked door.

"Ready?" Rick asked.

"Let's do this," I said and unlocked the door.

The woman sat up when she saw us coming, trying to look all tough. Rick crouched down to look her in the eye.

"We can tend to that wound for you. Give you a little food and water and send you on your way," Rick told her. "But you're gonna have to tell us how you found us, and why you're carrying formula."

She looked at him with deep, burning mistrust.

"Supplies were dropped by a young Asian guy and a pretty girl."

Glenn and Maggie.

Nobody else it could be. Whole room got tense.

"What happened?" Rick asked.

"They were taken," she said.

"Taken by who?" Rick pressed.

"The same son of a bitch who shot me," she snarled.

Damn unhelpful.

I pointed my crossbow at her. "You better start talking," I warned. "Or you're going to have a much bigger problem than a gunshot wound."

She glared at me. "Find them yourself."

Came real close to shooting her then, thought about shooting just past her to give her a good scare. But then Rick put a hand on my arm and made me lower it.

"You came here for a reason," he reminded her.

"There's a town," she said reluctantly. "Woodbury. About 75 survivors. That's where they were taken."

"A whole town?"

Sounded like a damn fairytale.

"Run by this guy, calls himself the Governor," Michonne said.Dumbass name.

"He got muscle?" I asked.

"Paramilitary wannabees," she shrugged. "They have armed centuries on every wall."

"You know a way in?"

"Place is secure from Walkers," she said, "but we could slip through."

We all glanced at each other. Could be a trap, but it was also the only lead we had on Maggie and Glenn's location.

"How did you know how to get here?" Rick asked.

"They mentioned the prison," she said. "And which direction it was in. Said it was a straight shot."

"This is Hershel, father of the girl who was taken," Rick indicated to him. "He'll take care of your leg."

While Hershel was sewing her up, the rest of us talked about whether or not we should go after Maggie and Glenn. It weren't much of a discussion. No way we could just leave two of our own in the hands of some psycho. We packed up a car with as many weapons as we could, some smoke bombs too.

"Her name's Michonne," Hershel told us when he'd finished patching her u. "I think she'll take you where you need to go."

Hershel trusted her. Or maybe he was just desperate. Michonne didn't look like she trusted us, though, and the feeling was mutual. We couldn't be sure that she weren't leading us to our deaths, which that made the car ride awkward, to say the least.

We drove a few miles outside of where she said we'd find Woodbury, then we got out to walk through the woods. It was dark by the time we got to the parameters of the town. We scoped it out, crouched behind an old car, tried to get a good look at the assholes guarding the high metal walls.

True to her word, Michonne found us a way in. Seemed a little too easy. She took us to building in the town that she'd first been questioned in when she got there. Or, so she said.

No sign of Glenn or Maggie. No sign of anyone.

"Any idea where else they could be?" Rick asked.

"They could be in his apartment," Michonne said.

Smart move if she's trying to get us caught.

"What if they ain't?" I asked.

"Then we'll look somewhere else," she said. Before anyone could agree to anything, something changed outside. People were running past, yelling. Had someone seen us come in? Did they know we were here? Rick opened the door just a crack. There was gunfire too. Not far off.

Could it be Glenn and Maggie?

It was as good a lead as any.

We followed the sound to an old warehouse. It had stopped by the time we got there, but we could voices muffled by the metal walls. Couldn't make out what they was saying but someone were definitely barking orders. Two people were lead out of one of the rooms, bags over their heads. A man and a woman. Struggling.

It had to be them.

Rick threw one of our smoke grenades. It caught the little Woodbury miliary-wannabees off guard, and we managed to grab their hostages, get their hoods off. Glenn's face was real messed up. He was struggling to walk. Maggie was crying, but she stopped a little when she saw it was us. For the second time that day, I felt nothing but relief. We rushed them out as gunfire started up behind us.

We ran as far as we dared, then took cover in the nearest empty building. I ran to the back. All boarded up.

"Ain't no way out back here!" I told them.

"How bad are you hurt?" Rick asked Maggie and Glenn.

"We'll be alright," Glenn said. I weren't convinced. He looked over at me. "Daryl... this was Merle."

Merle?

Merle?

I stared at him, thinking I must've heard him wrong. I looked at all that blood, wanted to say sorry even though it weren't me.

"My brother's this Governor?" I asked.

"No," Maggie said. "He's somebody else. Your brother's his lieutenant or something."

Didn't sound much like Merle. Never known him to be a follower.

"Does he know I'm still with you?"

"He does now," Glenn said. "Rick, I'm sorry, we told him where the prison was. We couldn't hold out."

"No need to apologize," Rick said. "We have to get back. Can you walk? We got a car a few miles out."

"I'm good," Glenn said. Rick and Maggie helped him to his feet. I hesitated.

"If Merle's alive I need to see him!" I said.

"Not now, we're in hostile territory," Rick said.

"He's my brother," I said. "I ain't got-"

"Look what he did!" Rick said. Glenn looked at me through one heavily swollen eye. I wanted to apologize even though it weren't me who did it. "We gotta get out of here."

Rick didn't get it.

I should've known he wouldn't. He had the privilege of being related to people that the rest of the world can understand. But my brother was alive. Close. I needed to see him. He could be the key to ending all of this.

"I can talk to him," I said, "work something out."

"You're not thinking straight," Rick said. "Glenn can barely walk. How are we gonna make it out? I need you. Are you with me?"

I nodded, but my heart sank. That was still my brother. Out there somewhere. Once Glenn and Maggie were safe, maybe I could go find him. Or he could come see me now he knew where I was.

Rick threw another grenade. People were shooting at us from the walls, from various points along the streets. We managed to get to another shelter in the doorway, regroup. We were close to getting out.

"You guys go ahead," I said. "I'm going to lay down so cover fire."

"We need to stick together," Maggie yelled over the gunshots that were coming from all around us.

"It's too hairy," I said. "Don't worry, I'll be right behind you."

If they knew I was lying, there weren't time to argue. I set off one of the grenades, watched the smoke pour into the streets and just started firing. I watched them make it to a line of parked buses. I kept firing until I saw they were clear.

I hear someone yell my name.

I yelled back that they should go.

And then there was a sharp pain at the back of my head, and everything went black.

It was dark when I opened my eyes again. There was something over my face. I could tell I was back in the warehouse by how drafty it was, how the sounds echoed.

"You awake, asshole?" some guy pulled back the hood covering my face. I spat at him. "That'll be a yes."

He covered me up again.

"I wanna see Merle," I said. "He ain't gonna be happy you're treating his brother like this."

Someone punched me around the side of the head.

"You'll get your chance," he said. I heard someone walk out, caught some whispers but not the words they were saying.

They made me sit there for a while. I could hear things going on around me, plans being made but nothing I could make sense of. Then they hauled me to my feet. I struggled every step of the way.

It was dark and the hood smelt like shit. I thought about all them guys who'd been executed back in the day and wondered if this was the last sweaty, stuffy smell they'd ever smelt before some assholes hanged them. Was that what was about to happen?

I could feel dirt under my feet. Sounded like I was outside. I could feel a breeze on my arms that couldn't touch me through the damn hood. I could hear people, too, whispering.

"This is one of the terrorists," I heard a man say with so much authority that I could only assume he was the Governor.

Terrorist? What kind of bullshit...?

The hood was pulled off and the light around me was so blinding that for a moment, I couldn't see the crowd or the Governor. Could hear him though, "Merle's own brother."

Fuck.

No.

My eyes adjusted. And there he was. A shock passed from brother to brother.

It was him.

It was Merle.

My heart leapt in uneasy relief.

I looked past him, at the crowd who were all restless and nervous even though they weren't the ones that had been brought out here in chains.

And there was Andrea, too.

The hell was she doing here?

She looked damn sick.

Was she part of all this?

"What should we do with them, huh?" the Governor asked. I was happy to see a bloodsoaked patch over one of his eyes. Someone had managed to wound the son of a bitch.

The crowd hollered for us both to be killed. I looked at Merle, tryna get his attention, but he were staring at the back of the Governor's head. My hope dimmed. I didn't know which Merle I was gonna get. Loyal brother, or self-serving asshole?

The crowd's cheering got louder and louder. And then Andrea stepped up. Think she tried to put an end to it, but I couldn't hear her over all the yelling.

Someone let my hands go free. The Governor pointed at my brother, "I asked you where your loyalties lie, and you said here. Well, prove it. Prove it to us all. Brother against brother. The winner goes free. Fight! To the death."

The crowd went wild.

I looked at Merle.

"You know me," he said to the crowd. "I'm gonna do whatever I have to do to prove that my loyalty is to this town."

Motherfucker.

The first punch was familiar. That hurt more than the blow itself. I was on the ground he was kicking me. Yelling.

I waited till I felt him ease up a little, get too comfortable, and then I punched him back. It was enough to get him away for a bit and get me back on my feet.

They'd brought out Walkers on the end of long metal poles. I was so distracted by it that Merle got me on the ground again. I reached up to put my hands around his throat.

"You really think this asshole's gonna let you go?" I asked as I started choking him out.

"Just follow my lead, little brother," he said. I couldn't tell if the fire in his eyes was a plan or because I was choking him too hard. "We're getting out of this right now."

He pulled me to my feet. Back to back, we e tried to take out as many of their Walkers as we could. I tried to push them hard enough that they'd turn on the jeering audience. But it weren't looking good. At least me and Merle would go down fighting, that seemed right.

Then the noise of the crowd turned from cheers to screams. Loud gunshots. People ducked, threw themselves on the ground. This weren't friendly fire. A smoke grenade was thrown into the arena, and I knew it was them. Rick and the others. Come back to get me.

In the smoke and chaos, I yelled for Merle to follow me towards thems.

We ran.

Ran past a guy tryna use my own damn crossbow to fire at me. I grabbed it off him, Merle whacked him in the head.

I looked behind, saw the Governor walking towards us through the smoke as we all ran.

"They're all at the arena," Merle said, trying to get us to follow him one way. "This way!"

"You're not going anywhere with us!" Rick said.

"You really wanna do this now?" Merle asked him, which seemed like a fair enough question given the circumstances. He ran behind a line of parked buses, and we heard this loud ass banging as he took out a chunk of the metal wall. By the time the rest of us had run back there, Merle was already out and wailing on some Walker.

The noise from Woodbury had got a lot of the dead heading our way. We took out as many as we could. Merle looked back at the group, "We ain't got time for this."

He took off, running into the woods. I looked back at everyone else, saw them hesitate. "C'mon," I said. I'd already lost him once. I couldn't do it again. I ran after him, prayed they'd follow.

They did.

But it was a long night of walking through the woods to get back to the car. Nobody spoke. Not to me and not to Merle. Even Merle himself were pretty quiet.

As we got close to the car, Rick broke into a run, "Glenn!" he yelled. "Glenn!"

My heart sank. Glenn ran towards us through the trees. Rick tried to get ahead of it, but it were too late. Glenn had seen Merle. Pulled a gun on him. Michonne got her sword out. I tried to stand between Merle and everyone else.

"He helped us get outta there," I said. We might all have been caught if it weren't for him.

"Yeah right after he beat the shit out of you," Rick said, which was also, a fair point.

"Hey, we both took our licks man," Merle said, like anything that had happened in that arena was fair.

"Jackass," I muttered. I hadn't had to wait to see if Merle really did have a plan to get us out of there or if he'd have killed me to get back in the Governor's good graces.

"Enough!" Rick yelled, but everyone were still screaming. I was trying to get Merle to shut his damn mouth. Glenn was still pointing his goddamn gun at me because I was standing between him and Merle. I tried to push it out of his hands, "Get that thing outta my face!"

Merle started laughing. "Looks like you've gone native brother."

Fuck off, man.

"No more than you, hanging out with that psycho back there," I said.

"Oh yeah, he's a charmer I gotta tell you that," Merle said. "Been putting the wood to your girlfriend Andrea big time baby."

He was looking at Michonne.

How the hell does she know Andrea?

She glared at him. Everything got a thousand times more tense which, up until Merle had opened his fat mouth, I didn't think were possible.

Michonne raised her sword again.

"I told you to drop that!" Rick said. She glared at him but did as she was told. "You know Andrea?"

"Yep, she does," Merle said. "Her and blondie spent all winter cuddling up in the forest."

"Shut up, bro!" I warned him, not knowing how long Rick could keep the samurai sword at bay.

"Hey, man," he said. "We snagged them out of the woods. Andrea was close to dying."

"There's no way she's with him," Maggie said.

"Snug as two little bugs," Merle told her, then turned his attention to Rick. "Man, look at this. Pathetic. All these guns and no bullets in me."

"You better shut up," I said. Sometimes it were like he wanted to die but was too damn arrogant to go through with it.

"Shut up yourselves you bunch of pussies," he said, squaring up to me this time. If he was about to try and give me another beating, I weren't in the mood to take it. I weren't feeling so charitable now that I'd spent enough time with him to remember that sometimes I preferred him gone. Then Rick smacked him over the head, and he crumpled to the floor.

There was blissful silence.

Glenn walked off towards the car. We followed him, left Merle lying there and Michonne hanging back.

"Merle's gotta come back with us," I said. "He's got nowhere else. We can keep him in the common room for a while until everyone gets used to the idea."

"It won't work," Rick said.

"It's gotta," I told him. I didn't see any other way. "The Governor's probably on the way to the prison right now. Merle knows how he thinks. We could use the muscle."

"I'm not having him at the prison," Maggie said.

"There's no way Merle's going to live with us without putting everyone at each other's throats," Rick said.

"So you're going to cut Merle lose and bring the last samurai home with us?" I said, pointing at where Michonne was leaning against the car.

"She's not in a state to be on her own," Maggie said.

"She did bring you guys to us..." Glenn said. Couldn't believe my damn earns. Nothing for Merle getting us out, but all the forgiveness in the world for her getting us in?

"At least let my dad stitch her up," Maggie said.

"She's too unpredictable," Rick said.

"That's right," I looked over at where she was leaning on the car, watching us talk. "We don't know who she is. Merle. Merle's blood."

"No," Glenn said. "Merle isyourblood. My blood, my family, is standing right here and waiting for us back at the prison."

"And your part of that family," Rick said to me. I weren't expecting it. A small, hard lump formed in my throat. "And he's not."

I could hear Merle groaning in the woods as he came round.

"Man, y'all don't know," I said. They didn't. They couldn't. The shit Merle and I had been through was so different from any of them. That bonds you to a person even if you don't like them. "Fine. We'll fend for ourselves."

"No," Glenn said. "That's not what I was saying."

"No him, no me," I said. Simple as that.

"Daryl, you don't have to do that," Maggie said.

"It was always Merle and me before this."

"You're just going to leave?" Glenn asked.

"You'd do the same thing," I told him. He shook his head like he didn't believe me, but I knew if this was one of his parents, he'd say goodbye to us too. Difference is, Glenn probably had the kind of parents you'd want in your group. Not like Merle. I walked away as fast as I could. Rick ran to catch up.

"We started something last night," he said. "You realise that?"

"No him, no me," I repeated. "That's all I can say. You take care of yourself. Take care of little Asskicker. Carl. He's one tough kid."

I waited to see if he'd say any more, change his mind maybe, but he didn't. So I walked to where Merle was waiting for me in the trees. He looked so smug it almost made me turn back around. But then he put one of his big, meaty arms on my shoulders. And I remembered it was him. My brother. We had a second chance.

I looked back once, and then we were gone.

We walked for a long time in no real direction. As aimless and pointless as we had been before all of this. Merle stopped to take a leak. I kept watch for Walkers.

"Man, there ain't nothing out here but mosquitoes and ants," I complained, I was starting to get hungry.

"Patience, little brother," he said. "Sooner or later a squirrel's bound to scurry across your path."

"Even so," I said. "That ain't much food."

"More than nothing," he said.

"Have better luck going to one of them houses we passed back on the turnoff," I said.

"Is that what your new friends taught you?" he said. "Hm? How to loot for booty? What happened the kid who covered our kitchen in blood tryna gut and cook his own turkey for God knows what reason?"

Supposed to a thank you for you, ungrateful jackass.

I remembered the feathers more than the blood. Only bit of blood I remembered was a smear on Naomi's chin and how she didn't notice until I reached out to wipe it off. The pain of how happy that memory made me struck me hard.

"Man, we've been out here for hours," I said. Anything to change the subject. "Why don't we find a stream, try our luck with some fish?"

"I think you're just trying to beat me back to that road, man," he said. "Get me over to that prison."

"It's got shelter," I pointed out. "Food. A pot to piss in might not be a bad idea."

"For you, maybe," he said. "Ain't gonna be no damn party for me."

If you just swallowed your damn pride and apologized it would.

"Everyone will get used to each other," I said.

"They're all dead, anyway," he said with a shrug.

"How can you be so sure?"

"Right about now, he's probably hosting a housewarming party," Merle said. "Where he's gonna bury what's left of your pals."

I should have gone with them. I should've tried harder. Maybe I could've protected them from the shit-for-brains Governor.

"Let's hook some fish," he said. "C'mon."

We started walking again. This time, we had a destination in mind. A goal. That were better than nothing.

I had a rough idea of which direction to head in. We walked for another hour or so, and then the smell of the forest changed, everything got a little bit damper. Water was nearby.

"Smells to me like the Swahatchee creek," Merle commented.

"We didn't go west enough," I said. "There's a river down there, it's got to be the Yellowjacket."

"You have a stroke, boy?" he asked. "We ain't never even come close to Yellowjacket."

"Well we didn't go west," I said again. "Just a little bit south is what I think."

"Know what I think? I may have lost my hand, but you lost your sense of direction."

"Yeah. We'll see."

"What, do you wanna bet?"

"I don't wanna bet nothing," I said. "Why does everything gotta be a competition with you?"

"Take it easy, little brother," he said. "Just trying to have a little fun here. No need to get your panties all in a bundle."

I stopped. Heard something that sounded like a baby crying. "You hear that?"

"Yeah," he said but didn't seem to care. "Wild animals getting wild."

"No, it's a baby," I said.

"Oh come on," he said. "Why don't you just piss in my ear and tell me it's raining too? That is the of a couple racoons making sweet, sweet love."

I ignored him and went to investigate. We were right by Yellowjacket river. It ran under a bridge. The crying was coming from one of the cars parked on it. A tonne of Walkers were heading towards it. I could see some guys trying to take them out from on top of some other cars, but it looked like they were in real trouble.

Ignoring Merle's shouts for me to slow down, I ran through the woods to get to the road. Reaching the bridge, I took out as many Walkers as I could. Two Mexican guys tried to say something to me, but I couldn't understand them. The baby was crying inside a car. A group of Walkers were outside trying to get in. I started shooting at them. One had managed to get in through the open trunk. I reached in and grabbed it by the jeans. He turned to get me with his cold, dead hands but I stabbed him right through the eye. Merle shot a few that were coming after me, did nothing to help anyone else.

When we were done, the family looked at me the way people sometimes look at Rick. Like they admire him or something. And then Merle opened the car door, started rooting through their stuff, and they looked at me different. Looked at me the same way people had looked at me my whole life. Like Merle and I were the same.

"Let them go," I said.

"Least they can do is give us an enchilada or something, huh?" Merle said. I could hear the baby crying, its Momma was crying too.

There was a familiar knot in my stomach. Cold. It came with watching Merle do shit I knew was wrong. So many times I'd had his back while he did some shady, harmful shit. The feeling in my stomach grew. It had been a while since I'd felt this crappy about myself.

I walked around the car to stand behind him. The family watched me do it, still looking at me like me and Merle were the same. Rick and the others had given me that look at the start too. But I'd changed it. And I could change it now.

I raised my crossbow, pointed it at Merle. The moment I did, some of the guilt left me. "Get out of the car," I said.

"I know you're not talking to me, brother," he said with a tone that instantly made my body tense, like right before a beating. I looked at the Mexican guy closest to me.

"Get in your car and get the hell out of here," I told him. "Go! Get in your car!"

I dunno if they understood, but they backed away. Merle slowly got out of the car, glaring at me all the time. I lowered my bow when the car was gone and walked away from him as fast as possible. I felt sick. My hands would've been shaking if I weren't holding my crossbow so hard. I'd never spoken to Merle like that, never defied him. I didn't know what came next.

I walked away from it all as fast as I could. Merle caught me up.

"What the shit you doing, pointing that thing at me?" he said.

"They was scared, man," I said.

"They were rude is what they were," he said. "They owed us a token of gratitude."

"Nah, they didn't owe us nothing."

"You helped them people out of the goodness of your heart, even though you might die doing it," he said. "That something your Sherrif Rick taught you?"

"There was a baby!"

"Oh, otherwise you would've just left them to the Biters, then?" he said sarcastically. He knew I were different. Took him a while, but he'd seen the change in me now. This anger he was holding against me and Rick... it were childish. Petty. More than that, it were hypocritical. How many times had he left me? He hadn't come back once.

"Man, I went back for you and you weren't there," I yelled. "I didn't cut off your hand neither. You did that."

Merle was smiling but not in a good way. With him, it's always a damn trap.

"You know what's funny to me? You and Sherriff Rick. Thick as thieves now. Right? I'll bet you a penny and a fiddle of gold that you never told him we were planning on robbing that camp blind."

Guilt twisted up my gut.

"It didn't happen," I said.

"Only because I wasn't there to help you."

"What? Like when we were kids" I yelled. "Who left who then?"

"What?" he roared. "I weren't there to hold your hand as a boy, is that why I lost mine?"

"You lost your hand because you're a simple-minded piece of shit."

"Yeah?" he lunged for me. I turned, trying to get as far away from him as I could. "You don't know-!"

I did.

I did know what he'd been running from. Because I'd had to put up with it too. I felt my shirt rip off my back as my knees hit the ground. Merle fell silent. I knew what he was looking at. My scars itched, sometimes it feels like they're burning when someone's looking at them when I didn't want them to.

"I.. I..." he stammered. "I didn't know he was..."

You really think it was just you?

"Yeah, he did," I scrambled to put my bag back on and cover them up. "He did the same to you. That's why you left first."

"I had to, man," he said. "I would've killed him otherwise."

Wish you would've.

I stood up, bag back on, my scars stopped feeling like they were on fire. A different fire were burning now, one deeper in me.

"Scars look like they healed up good," Merle said, like that somehow made any of it okay. "You must've done a good job patching them up like that."

I looked back over my shoulder at him. Think it was the first time Merle ever looked small to me. Just like that, the fire were gone. A feeling of peace washed over me and put it out as I said, "Naomi did it."

I walked away.

It was like I could still feel her hands on my back, how gently she'd cleaned me up, the way everything hurt less with her around. Listening to her breathing as I fell asleep was the first time I'd felt safe. When I'd reached for her hand in the dark and found her reaching back... It hadn't mattered then, that Merle hadn't been there for me. I'd had someone else. And I had other people now too.

"Where you going?" Merle yelled after me.

"Back where I belong."

"I can't go with you," he said. "I damn near killed that Chinese kid."

Dumbass.

"He's Korean," I corrected him.

"Whatever. Doesn't matter, man. I just can't go with you."

Your choice.

"You know, I may be the one walking away," I said. "But you're the one that's leaving. Again."

I kept walking. Merle was the one making things difficult for himself. I'd followed him down the wrong path once before and lost everything, I weren't about to do it again. Everyone at that prison were family now. Could be Merle's too if he'd let them. It ain't often you get another chance at that kind of thing.

It took him a while, but he eventually caught up to me. Walked reluctantly beside me the whole way back.

When we came in sight of the prison, it was under attack. One of the fences had fallen and Walkers had swarmed into one of the yards. I could see Rick fighting like hell against a whole group of them.

"What the hell?" I yelled, running to help him.

What happened here?

I saw a truck backing out real fast, realised it wasn't one of ours and that it had been used to ram right through it. Guns fired out from inside it as it drove away.

Cowards.

I raised my crossbow and shot as many Walkers near Rick as I could. Heard pistol shots behind me as Merle joined in. I knew he were only doing it to get on my good side, but it was a step. And that made me happy all the same.

When Rick was safe, he put an arm aross my shoulders, "Welcome back."

I felt a rush of warmth, tried to hide my smile.

We all ran for the gates, which were opened for us. What had happened was bad, but Merle warned us that it was a warm-up to the main event.

Nobody was happy to hear that, least of all from him.

We talked for a long time about whether or not to take Merle's advice and run. But, when all was said and done, Rick decided we should stay. So that's what we did.

Next time the alarm was raised, it was because Andrea was at the gates. Few days ago, that sight would've filled us with nothing but joy. Now, though, after the truck-through-the-fence trick, we weren't so sure. Andrea had been gone for a while. By all accounts, she was close with the Governor. Was he using her to lure us into a trap?

We ran out to open the gates for her. Rick searched her, checked she was alone. When he was satisfied she weren't an immediate threat, he brought her inside.

Carol rushed to hug her, the rest of us hung back.

"We thought you were dead..." Carol said as a half-apology, half explanation for why we'd left her behind.

"It's okay," she said and looked around at the rest of us. "Hershel... my God."

He glanced down at where the lower half of one of his legs used to be until we'd had to chop it off after he got bit. He was so quick on his crutches that I kinda forgot how recently it had happened and that the last time Andrea saw him, he'd had both legs. By now, she'd done a full headcount, noticed that Lori, Shane and T-Dog were all gone.

"You all live here?" she asked.

"Here and the Cell Block," Glenn said, with a nod through the door.

Andrea followed his gaze, "There? Can I go in?"

"I won't allow that," Rick said.

Andrea was taken aback. "I'm not an enemy, Rick."

"We had that field," he told her, "and that courtyard until your boyfriend tore down the fence with a truck and shot us up."

"He said you fired first!"

"He's lying."

"I didn't know anything about that," she said. It sounded sincere enough, but people are good liars these days. There was every chance she was mad at us for leaving her on the farm, and this was some kind of revenge. "As soon as I found out, I came. I didn't even know you were in Woodbury until after the shoot out."

"That was days ago," Glenn said.

"I don't get it, I left Atlanta with you people, and now I'm the odd man out?"

"He almost killed Michonne," Glenn said, "and he would've killed us."

"With his finger on the trigger," Andrea pointed at my brother. Merle smirked but didn't rise to catch the bait. "Isn't he the one who kidnapped you? Who beat you? Look... I cannot excuse or explain what Philip has done, but we have to work this out."

"There's nothing to work out," Rick said. "We're gonna kill him."

"We can settle this," Andrea pleaded. "There is room at Woodbury for all of you."

Merle laughed, "You know better than that."

"What makes you think this man wants to negotiate?" Hershel asked. "Did he say that?"

"No."

"Then why did you come here?" Rick asked.

"Because he's gearing up for war. The people are terrified, they see you as killers," Andrea said. "They're training to attack."

"I'll tell you what, " I told her. "Next time you see Phillip, you tell him I'm gonna take his other eye."

"We've taken too much shit for too long," Glenn agreed. "If he wants a war, he's got one."

"Rick?" she tried to reason with him instead. "If you don't sit down and try to work this out, I don't know what's gonna happen. He has a whole town. Look at you. You've lost so much already."

Dale. T-Dog. Lori. Shane. An ever-growing list of people.

"You wanna make this right," Rick said, "you get us inside."

"No."

"Then we got nothing to talk about," he shrugged and walked away from her.

"There are innocent people-" she yelled after him, but he didn't stop. She looked at the rest of us.

"You heard him," I shrugged and followed Rick into the Cell Block.

Andrea stayed around for a little bit. She got to meet the baby, I think she smoothed things over with Michonne. If nobody mentioned the Governor or Woodbury, things were almost normal. Then, it was time for her to go. Rick gave her one of our cars, and she tried again to persuade him into some kind of peace treaty. Something she said that time must've stuck because the next day he took Michonne and Carl on a run to get more guns and ammo, the day after that he and the Governor shut themselves away for a negotiation.

When he came back, he told us the Governor couldn't be reasoned with and that we should prepare for war. But something weren't right about it, and he took Hershel and me aside.

"He wants Michonne," Rick said. "If we hand her over, he'll back off."

I immediately felt uneasy about it, most of all because of how seriously Rick seemed to be considering the idea. "He'll kill her, you know that, right?"

"It's the only way," he said like his mind were already made up. "Noone else knows."

"You gonna tell them?" I asked.

"Not until after," he said. "We have to do it today. It has to be quiet."

"You got a plan?"

"You tell her we need to talk, away from the others."

I looked at Hershel. He avoided my gaze.

"It just ain't us, man," I said.

"No," Hershel agreed. "No, it isn't."

Too angry to stick around, he walked away from us.

"Do this, and we avoid a fight," Rick said. "Noone else dies."

Without Hershel to back me up, it was hard to say no. But I felt like I was following Merle down the wrong path all over again. It weren't supposed to feel like this with Rick.

"Got it," I nodded. But it felt all sorts of wrong.

"We need someone else," Rick said.

We both knew who he meant. I wondered if that was the only reason Rick had confided in me about all of this.

"I'll talk to him," I said.

"I'll do it," he said. "Just me."

I watched him go, feeling like the whole world were topsy turvy.

I walked around into another part of the yard and saw Glenn trying to fix up one of the weaker gates. With one fence down, every little helped. Things had been wierd between us since I'd brought Merle back. He'd been cold with me, kinda avoided me as much as possible. I got it. But it sucked. I went to help him, hoping that now it was just me and him, he'd stop giving me so much of the cold shoulder.

"He say he was sorry yet?" I asked. Glenn didn't reply, just stared blankly ahead of him not making eye contact with me. "Cause he is."

He kept ignoring me, walked away.

"He's gonna make it right," I said and then, because I knew that wouldn't carry much weight with Glenn, I added, "I'm gonna make him. There's got to be a way. Just needs to be a little... forgiveness is all."

He looked at me then, stepped a little closer. "He tied me to a chair, beat me, and threw a Walker in the room," he said. I closed my eyes for a sec, cursing Merle. "Maybe I could call it even. But he... he took Maggie to a man who terrorised her, humiliated her. I care more about her than I care about me."

I got it.

I knew that feeling.

I also knew anyone who'd put me in the same position would be a dead man walking. Even if it were Merle. I couldn't argue, couldn't defend him, just picked up my crossbow and left.

I went looking for Merle, found him in the generator room. Skulking around in the dark. I was immediately suspicious because I'd called for him a few times and he hadn't answered. When I rounded the corner and saw him, he fixed this big, guilty grin on his face.

"Hey, little brother!" he said. "I was just about to holler back at you."

I knew it was a lie.

"What you doing down here?"

"Just looking for a little uh, crystal meth," he admitted.Once a junkie, always a junkie."Yeah, I know. I shouldn't mess my life up when everything's going so sweet right?"

Crappy joke.

"You talked to Rick yet?"

"Yeah. I'm in," he said. "But he ain't got the stomach for it. He's gonna buckle, you know that right?"

"Yeah," I said, kinda hoping he would. "If he does, he does."

"You want him to?"

Merle was looking at me different, like he were tryna spot a change. I shrugged and said, "Whatever he says goes."

"Man! Do you even possess a pair of balls, little brother? You used to call people like that sheep," he said. "What happened to you?"

Called them sheep when I was blindly following you. Least now I've chosen who I stand behind.

"What happened with you and Glenn and Maggie-" I tried to keep my voice level.

"I've done worse," he cut across me. "You need to grow up. Things are different now. Y'all people look at me like I'm the devil. Grabbing up those lovebirds like that. Now y'all wanna do the same thing, snatch someone up and deliver them to the Governor. People do what they gotta do, or they die."

"Can't do things without people anymore, man," I said. I wasn't sure that you ever really could. Much as I thought of myself as not needing anyone, I'd only got through shit because of who was around me. Even at my worst, when I'd been following Merle like one of them damn sheep I claimed not to be, I'd only done it so I wouldn't be without my brother.

"Maybe these people need somebody like me around, huh? Do their dirty work," he said. Sounded kinda mad about it. "The bad guy. How does that hit ya?"

I put a hand on his arm. "I just want my brother back."

"I'm here, man," he said. But he weren't. Not really. I left him. Let him get back to hunting for drugs if that was what he needed to get through this.

I was sure that in time, he'd see. He'd see that being around good people was all you really needed. If I could change, he could too.

I went back outside to check the parameters, cleared a few Walkers. After a while, it just became like weeding a garden. It was okay to let a few of them hang out, but too many could become a real problem real fast.

Rick caught up with me. He looked stressed. "It's off," he said quietly. "We'll take our chances."

I felt a huge sense of relief.

"Not saying it was the wrong call," I told him. "But this is definitely the right one."

He still looked worried. "I can't find Merle or Michonne," he said. "They've gone."

Shit.

"C'mon," I said, and ran back to where I'd last seen Merle in the engine room. Rick followed. "He was in here. Said he was looking for drugs. Said a lot of things, actually."

"Like what?"

Called it how he saw it, like always.

"Said that you were going to change your mind. Here we go," I bent down, picked up a dirty pillowcase, saw some marks on the ground that indicated a struggle. "He took her here."

"Damnit," Rick said. "I'm going after her."

"You can't track for shit," I said.

"Well then the both of us."

It was a waste of time, both of us going. Merle weren't likely to listen to Rick about anything. I was the only one who had a chance of reasoning with him.

"Nah. Just me. When they come back here, you need to be ready," I hesitated, looked at him. "You're family too."

Then I left as fast as I could. I ain't so good at being corny, but I needed him to know that what he'd said on the road... it were mutual. Merle was a blood brother, Rick was a brother of another kind.

The trail was pretty easy to follow. Merle ain't good at cleaning up after himself and don't much care who knows where he's been.

Not too far from the prison, I spotted Michonne on the road, walking back in the direction of the camp. She put her sword through a Walker skull. I looked for Merle close by, maybe pissing in the bushes, but couldn't see him.

"Hey!" I called to her. "Where's my brother?" She looked up. Did not smile. "You kill him?"

She shook her head. "He let me go."

Then where the hell is he?

"Don't let anyone come after me," I told her, although I were pretty sure nobody would try. I ran in the direction she'd been coming from, to see if I could track the car.

I followed some tyre marks on the road, kept to the general direction of Woodbury. I didn't know where he'd head after letting Michonne go. Couldn't work out why he'd done it either. Would he try and make peace with the Governor? Would he sell us all down the river? Or were he trying to make things right in his own, fucked up way?

I came to an old food store. The place was in carnage. There were a few Walkers there, but most were too busy feeding to pay me any attention. Something bad had gone down here. And recently too. Lots of fresh meat around for all of those dead assholes. I checked the faces of the freshly dead, felt a tiny spark of relief for each one who wasn't Merle.

Then I saw his jacket. Bent over the body of a recently dead girl. I could hear him eating, smell the stench of death on him from a mile away.

Only it weren't him any more.

Not really.

The Walker looked up at me with my brother's eyes. Still chewing on its latest meal with my brother's teeth.

No.

He got to his feet. Eyes fixed on me. Seeing me without knowing me.

He stood up straight, stumbled towards me. I could see he'd taken a gunshot to the chest. It was like I could feel the same pain in my own.

Everything blurred. He got closer. I pushed him away.

Please, man. Please.

I'd never thought that Walkers had enough brains in them to recognize people, but I wanted more than anything for some tiny part of Merle to be surviving in there. For him to recognize his little brother. He didn't even have to say anything. He could just leave me alone, so I didn't have to kill him.

He's already dead.

He came at me. Again.

I shoved him. Again.

Again.

The fourth time, I drew my knife, pushed him back.

Why?

I jammed it into his skull.

Why?

I did it again.

Why? Why? Why?

I'd got him the first time but there was so much anger in me that it pushed my hand again and again. Just when I thought there was a chance for Merle. Just when I thought we were getting somewhere. He'd fucking left. Again. Always walking away.

My hands hurt, covered in the blood of my brother, I fell back onto the grass. Burning rage turned to sadness.

Why do you always leave me on my own?