More Than This

by Graveyard Whispers

Naomi Payton was Daryl Dixon's childhood best friend. In truth, they were each others only friend. But sometimes growing up means growing apart and when Naomi's ambitions and Daryl's loyalty to his brother drive a wedge between them, will the world falling apart be enough to bring them together again? Hell, will they even find each other again?

19. The Party

Naomi

I woke up when sunlight came streaming through the gaps in my curtains. It was confusing at first, and I couldn't remember the last time it had happened. Usually, I woke up when I was still dark and then lay awake, waiting until I heard someone else get up. A soft snore beside me. I turned over, Daryl's face was turned towards me, hand still reaching out but we must have let go sometime in the night. There was a little smile on his face. He looked as relaxed as I felt. The novelty of seeing him still hadn't worn off, filled me with nothing but joy.

Would be weird to keep staring at him though, right? What if he woke up and I was just hovering over him like a creep?

I knew the grown-up thing to do was to let him sleep and go downstairs, wait for him to get up on his own. But that wasn't how we'd ever done things.

I picked up my pillow. Smacked him in the face.

"Hey! Hey!" he said, his voice heavy with sleep and confusion. He untangled one of his arms from the comforter and tried to fight off the pillow. His eyes opened, he squinted at it and then at me. I watched the memory of the previous day flood back to him. I wondered if he felt the same joy seeing me as I did when I looked at him. His frown disappeared, and he grinned. "Oh, hey."

"Morning," I said cheerfully.

"Morning," he rubbed his eyes, stretched and sat up. "Sleep okay?"

"Yeah," I said, not meaning to sound quite as surprised as I did, but it was how I felt, so I guess that was accurate. "You?"

He nodded, stretched back on my bed and yawned. It felt like we were in our own little bubble, just the two of us, but I could hear Aaron and Eric moving around downstairs. The bubble would have to burst at some point. The smell of whatever they were having for breakfast wafted up to us.

"You hungry?" I asked him, as my own stomach rumbled.

"Kinda," he shrugged. I knew he was, but he could hear Aaron and Eric down there too. Knew that would put him off staying. It had always taken a long time for Daryl to warm up to people, I could only imagine that it had gotten worse with the current state of the world where you never knew who could be trusted and who might kill you and take your shit.

I sat up and crossed my legs on the bed, feeling a light and happy rush in the pit of my stomach. Things felt good but surreal, and I didn't know what to do with myself. I wanted to keep us locked in my room forever, where nothing else could harm us again, but I knew that wasn't possible. There were other people out there who needed our help. Mia for starters. And I'd never find her by hanging out up here just because it felt safe.

"Should probably get up," I said, realizing that we'd just been staring at each other with stupid grins on our faces for a few minutes.

"Yeah," he said. "Probably should."

I got up and lingered by the door, heard the bed creak as he got out of the other side. I knew this would mean an end to the time we'd got to spend just the two of us. Didn't know when we'd get to do it again.

"Thanks for staying," I said quietly, not turning to look at him.

"S'alright," he said. Knew he'd be looking at the back of my head like I was a weirdo. There was no way he could've known how much it had meant to have him here.

When I opened the door, I could hear Eric and Aaron talking downstairs, too quietly for me to make out what they were saying. My footsteps at the top of the stairs made them shut up. I could feel them listening to me coming down, trying to guess how many pairs of feet were on the stairs.

"You're up late," Aaron commented as I neared the bottom.

"Late for what?" I countered. "Not like I got work to get to."

He looked up from where he was sitting at the dining table and smiled at me. "Morning."

"Morning."

"Late night?" Eric gave me a suggestive grin, and then Daryl appeared in the doorway behind me, and his eyes widened. "Oh... didn't know we had a guest."

He gave Aaron a distinct I-told-you-so kind of look. Aaron tried to look disapproving, but I could tell he was suppressing a smile. I attempted to shake my head at them both without Daryl noticing. Didn't want him getting embarrassed and scared off by those two.

"Er, sorry..." Daryl cleared his throat. "I can just-"

He gestured back towards the front door, took a step back like he was on the verge of running away.

"It's not a problem," Aaron said. "Stay as long as you like. I'll move these."

Aaron scooped up the maps that were spread all over the table. I stepped forward, hoped Daryl would follow and start to feel more at ease.

"What you looking at?" I asked.

"Just seeing where we haven't searched yet," he said. Then, he glanced at Daryl, clearly not wanting to exclude him from the conversation. "I'm trying to help Naomi find her sister."

"Oh, yeah?" It was only then that Daryl walked further into the room. "Can I help?"

"Of course."

"I'm going to talk to Perla some more today," I said. "She wasn't strong enough to tell me much yesterday, but hopefully the antibiotics have helped. Maybe after a good night's sleep, she'll-"

I could feel myself slipping into a panic until Daryl put a hand on my shoulder. "We'll find her."

He was so sure. Looking at him, I felt myself calm down. He had always been my solid ground when it felt like things were slipping away.

Aaron cleared his throat. "Take a seat," he told us.

"Nah, it's okay..." Daryl glanced at me. "I should get back."

"Okay," I said, trying to hide my disappointment. "I'll show you out."

"Er, thanks for... having me," he said to Eric and Aaron. "See you around, I guess."

"We sure hope so," Eric said.

"See you, Daryl," Aaron gave him a wave.

I walked him back toward our front door. I really didn't want him to go. But I got why he had to. He had a whole group to go and see, he'd already skipped out on their first night here and would want to check on them. I got that, I just didn't know what to say to him. Should I hug him? Was that too much now that we were going to be neighbors again? He didn't move from the doorway.

"You could... come with me," he suggested. "If you wanted?"

"Er...," I was surprised, I'd have thought he'd want some time alone with his friends. "You sure that's okay?"

"Yeah," he said, with a definite nod. I knew he wasn't just being polite. "Be good for you to meet everyone. Properly this time."

"Okay," I said, suddenly super nervous about the idea of it. "If you're sure?"

"Yeah," he said, with a shrug. "But only if you want."

I nodded and stepped out of the door with him. The house Deanna had set up for them was four doors down from where I was staying with Aaron. Something was comforting about that. Not quite next door, but close enough to run there if something happened. Just like when we were kids.

Daryl was smiling a little, in a way that made me think he was excited about me meeting everyone. I just hoped they liked me. He'd spent a lot of time on the road with them, clearly built a strong bond. It took a lot for someone like Daryl to do that. I didn't want to be the reason he was uncomfortable here.

Rick got to the door before we'd even made it to the top of the porch steps. He didn't look happy, glared at the pair of us like we'd come to burn the place down. I glanced at Daryl, who seemed as confused as I felt. I tried smiling at Rick, but he wasn't looking at me.

"How are you settling in?" I asked.

"Yeah, fine thanks," he said, still looking only at Daryl. "Will you give us a moment?"

"Yeah, sure," I said. "No problem."

Rick grabbed Daryl by the arm and hauled him inside. The door slammed shut in front of me.

"The hell have you been?"

Heard Daryl's voice but couldn't make out what he said. It had been a long time since I'd had to break up one of his fights.

"You have a responsibility to these people now," I heard Rick say, and I felt shitty. I hadn't meant to get him in any kind of trouble, I should've realized that they'd take a little while to adjust to life here. Turning down the voice in your head that tells you there's a threat around every corner is hard when it's been right for so long.

I was causing Daryl more problems than it was worth. It was a dumb idea to come over here, an even dumber idea to ask him to stay the night before. I turned to walk away. The argument didn't sound like it would die down any time soon, and I didn't want to make things worse for him when he came out. Maybe it was best if I left all of them alone for a little while. At least until they'd started trusting people again.

"Hey," a woman's voice behind me made me stop. I turned around. She was leaning on one side of the porch, short grey hair and a huge smile. I remembered seeing her walk with Daryl's group, and thought she looked tough. Now she was all cleaned up, she'd changed her clothes. In the blink of an eye, she blended right into Alexandria much quicker than I did. "Where you going?"

"Em..." I glanced back at the house where I could still hear yelling. Wondered if Daryl had punched a wall or broken anything yet, or if that was even something he still did when he was mad. "Not sure sticking around is the best thing right now."

"Nonsense," she said. "It's just an adjustment is all. Rick'll calm down."

"Don't worry, I get it," I said. "I was the same when I got here and to be honest, Alexandria still ain't stopped feeling like a dream."

"How long have you been here?" she was still smiling, but she had these bright, intelligent eyes. Like every answer I gave her was feeding into a bigger narrative. I'd interviewed enough people in my career to know when someone was trying to do it to me.

"About three weeks," I said. I wanted her to know that, as wary as she was about trusting people in Alexandria, I was different from them. Wasn't as used to their way of life. "Aaron pulled me out of the woods when I was pretty close to starving to death. Things felt too ordinary here to trust them. This ain't the kind of place I'm from either. The people are... so out of touch."

My answer seemed honest enough to win her round a little bit.

"You're Naomi, right?" she said.

"Yeah."

"I'm Carol."

"Nice to meet you, Carol," I said. The arguing inside seemed to have died down a little. I moved a little closer to the house again, stood opposite where she was standing on the porch.

"You too," she said. "Daryl's told me a lot about you."

"Really?"

That didn't sound much like him.

"Well..." she said with a sly smile, my surprise must have shown on my face. "He told me you exist. Which for Daryl, probably counts as a lot."

I laughed. "It sure does."

Felt weird that he'd talked about me to this stranger. Not bad, just odd. I wondered what he'd told her, felt self-conscious about what the answer might be. I glanced at Carol, who fixed that smile back on her face and turned to Rick.

"Alright?" she asked.

He glanced at me, did not smile, and then back at her. "Yup."

"Hey," I said, as non-confrontationally as I could. "I'm sorry for keeping Daryl from y'all, I didn't mean..."

"It's fine," he said in a way that made it clear it wasn't at all. In the silence, I waited for the ground to swallow me whole.

"Cut Daryl some slack," Carol said. "If it was you, and you'd found Lori..."

"Lori's dead."

"I know, but-" Carol said, the right amount of sympathy and sincerity in her voice. The door opened, and Daryl came out. His face was red, and he was glaring at the ground. Knew that meant he was close to losing it. She glanced at him. "But Daryl's found his wife after years of thinking she was dead. Surely, you can understand him not being here last night, Rick?"

I didn't think much of it. I was used to folks assuming we were a couple. We'd hit an age sometime in our teens where everyone had just expected that because we spent all of our time with someone of the opposite gender, we must be dating.

"Oh, we ain't..." I started to say. Then I glanced at Daryl so that we could share the eye roll we reserved for whenever this situation came up. But this time was different. This time he looked hurriedly away from me. Glared at Carol.

"Sorry," she said quickly. "My mistake."

She smiled at me, but she looked as confused as I felt, like she'd made a mistake that neither of us was aware of. Had Daryl said something when he was talking to her that made her think that?Had he just implied it? Accidentally? But if so, why wasn't he laughing about like we would've done before?

And why wouldn't he look at me?

There was a silence that felt longer than it probably was. I hoped Daryl would say something that would make sense of this.

"Deanna says we should go out and explore," Rick said, shooting me another glare. I jumped because I'd momentarily forgotten he was here. "Should probably do that."

"I can show you around if you like," I said. The look he gave me made my chest feel tight. I didn't know what this guy was capable of, guessed he'd done some pretty horrible shit to get this far. Especially as he seemed to be the leader of this group. Not that I was one to judge, I'd done the same. "Is Lucas here, I'd like to show him around too?"

I glanced at the house behind them, couldn't see any signs of him through any of their windows. Carol and Rick exchanged a look. I probably wasn't meant to see it, but I understood it immediately. They didn't trust Lucas.

"I think he's with Perla," Carol said eventually.

"That's good," I said. "I should check in on her."

Should've checked in on both of them by now. I'd been so selfish about all of this.

"You do that," Rick said. "I'd like to get to know this place on my own."

"Sure," I said. "No problem."

He walked off without another word to anyone.

"I wouldn't mind that tour," Carol said. "If the offer still stands?"

"Of course," I said.

The more of Alexandria we saw, the quieter Daryl got. I realized pretty quickly what a mistake this had been. The people here were nothing like Daryl and me. During my career, I'd spent a lot of time around the kind of people who could afford this place, and I knew how to blend in with them, how to talk to them and find common ground. But for him, these were the kinds of people who'd always looked down him, made snap judgements, had doors opened to them that were locked to him. Even now, the world had ended, and they'd found themselves in a little bubble of running water and solar power, while the rest of us had to fight tooth and nail to stay alive.

He withdrew more and more until it wasn't just me he wasn't looking at, it was everyone.

Carol asked questions, I was as honest with her as I could be about the way everything ran. Told her most of what I'd learned from my three weeks here. I took them to have a look at our supplies, knowing she'd be interested in the armoury and hoping it would be a good enough place to end the tour.

"Olivia," I called into the storage room. "You in here?"

"That you, Naomi?" I heard her call from round the back.

"Yup," I said. "Brought some new folks by to see you."

"Be out in a sec," she called.

Daryl took a look around at the parts of the pantry we could see, still fairly well stocked and rationed.

"Think I'm just gonna go hunt something," he said. He sounded real down.

"You want some company?" I asked, hoping that getting him on his own might help. I felt weirdly nervous. He shrugged me off.

"Nah."

"You sure, 'cause I don't-"

"Look," he cut me off way more abruptly than I think either of us expected. He lowered his voice, glanced around him like he didn't want to be seen getting too close to me. "It's not that I don't wanna hang out… just… don't want to give people the wrong idea, y'know?"

"Oh," I said. Was it just that he was horrifically embarrassed of even the thought of us being together? Felt like something deep in my chest painfully deflated. He grinned at me like it was a joke and he expected me to laugh. Maybe I should've, but I didn't much feel like it because he'd been so cold and weird. There was an odd feeling, like my lungs were too tight and my heart was speeding up so much it might burst. "See you around, then, I guess?"

"Yeah," he said. "See you soon."

Wouldn't even look me in the eye when he said it, just threw it over his shoulder as he walked off. In the silence that followed, Carol and I were left staring at each other. She gave me a small, embarrassed smile that felt more genuine than any of her others. I wondered if my face had gone red.

"I shouldn't have asked him to stay," I muttered, more to myself than her, but she heard it anyway.

"Don't be silly," she said. "And… I'm sorry. I didn't mean to assume anything, about the two of you. Like you say, Daryl doesn't give much away, so I filled in the gaps myself. It sounded like you'd been together a long time, so I thought…"

Together?

"Don't worry about it. I'm sure it's all a misunderstanding. We weren't… we never dated," I said. And it was fine until I caught the flicker of surprise in her eyes, although she did her best to hide it, like what I was saying didn't add up with whatever she'd heard. "Just friends… did he… did he tell you we had?"

It sounded absurd even asking it. Daryl wasn't a liar. I couldn't read her expression, she did a good job of smoothing it over. I could feel my heart hammering as I waited for her answer.

"Oh, no," she said brightly. "My mistake. Another silly assumption."

"Okay," I smiled back, tried not to give too much away. I couldn't work out why there was such a heavy feeling in my chest now.

"Sorry to keep you waiting," Olivia said.

"No problem," Carol said and then she turned to me. "I'm alright looking around here on my own if you want to go check on Perla."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, of course," she said. "I'm sure Olivia here can show me around."

I got the feeling she had ulterior motives for sending me away. Maybe so she could talk to Olivia one on one, get a sense of our supplies and security. If this was anyone else, I wouldn't have allowed it. I couldn't risk another group of people taking over my new home like back at Terminus. But these were Daryl's people. And if they'd earned his trust and respect, they must be worth something.

"Alright then," I said, taking a step back.

"Please, don't be a stranger around our place," she said. "Rick will cool off."

"Thanks," I said. "I'll pop by sometime. And I'm four doors away if you need me."

"I'll remember that," she said. "See you around."

I waved before I walked off.

My head was filled with so many questions. My heart and mind were racing. I walked fast, was glad to reach the medical center when I did just because it was a welcome distraction from whatever the hell had just gone on. I could see Lucas sitting on a chair by the bed where Perla was sleeping. No sign of Pete. I pushed the door open.

"Oh, hey," he stood up when I came in. Looked so happy to see a familiar face. I smiled at him.

"Hey," I said. "How's the patient?"

"She's okay," he said. "Sleeping at the moment but doing much better than yesterday."

"That's good," I said. We both stood over her in silence for a moment. I noticed a blanket draped over the chair Lucas had been sitting on. He looked tired, and not as well-rested as everyone else who'd just spent their first night in Alexandria. "Did you sleep here?"

He hesitated, like he wanted to lie to me but thought better of it, "Yeah. Didn't want her to be on her own."

I felt even worse about skipping out on both of them the night before.

"And how are you doing?" I asked him.

"Okay," he said, but his tone said otherwise.

"Sorry I didn't come and see you yesterday," I said. "I just got… caught up in other things."

"Don't worry about it," he said. "It's been hectic for all of us. Must've been nice to see Daryl again, though."

"Yeah," I said. "It was… How are they treating you… that group. Everything okay?"

"Yeah," he said, but again I didn't believe his tone. "It's hard for them, I think, to have me with them. After everything at Terminus."

"They making it hard for you, too?"

He shrugged. "Nothing I didn't earn. They've been very civil. All things considered."

It sounded pretty bleak, to be stuck in a house with a group of people who didn't like you or trust you much, who knew what you'd done in times of desperation.

"I'll talk to Deanna and see if there's anywhere else, you can stay," I said. "Maybe you and Perla could stay with other people. People who-"

"Who don't know I once ate other people to survive?" he finished for me.

"Well, I wasn't going to put it like that," I said, "but yeah."

"Thanks, Naomi."

I sat and talked with him for a while. He seemed to brighten and open up more. I wondered how long it had been since he'd had a conversation that had been more than 'civil'. When Perla woke up, she told me everything she could about the car that had taken Mia. They'd spoken to her first, hadn't just snatched her up. Perla had been too far away to hear what they'd said or get a good look at the car. She'd waited to see if they'd bring her back, but when it became apparent that they weren't going to, she'd gone to find help. And that's when she'd found Daryl.

Every plan I'd made, everywhere I'd searched so far would need to be scrapped. I'd never thought that a car would have taken her. It meant that she could be much further away than I thought. Instead of following railroad tracks, I'd have to switch to looking at roads and communities they might lead to. She was no longer lost, she was taken. I didn't know which was worse.

I left Lucas and Perla, went to talk to Deanna about their situation. When I knocked on her door, it wasn't Deanna who answered. One of the women from Daryl's group - short dark hair, intimidatingly pretty - looked out at me. I wanted to be nice, but I felt torn between hospitality and my loyalties to Lucas, given everything he'd tried to hide from me.

"Deanna in?" I asked.

"Yeah," she said. "We're about to have a meeting-"

"I won't take long," I promised, stepping forward.

"Okay," she said, opening the door enough to let me past.

"Naomi," Deanna looked at me from the end of her long hallway. "This is a surprise. I'm just about to step into a meeting."

"I'll be quick," I said. She looked at me, clearly weighing up whether it was worth having a short meeting with me now or a long argument to get me to come back later.

"Alright, come in," she said, glanced back at the woman behind me. "Sorry, Maggie, I'll just be a moment."

"Alright."

I stepped into her office, glanced at her video camera and wondered if that damn tape of me had been recorded over yet or if she kept them all forever.

"Would it be possible to move Lucas and Perla somewhere else?" I said.

"Aren't they happy in the houses we've provided them and the rest of their group?"

"Lucas isn't part of that group," I said. "Not really. The place I was in before this-"

"Terminus?"

I shuddered, couldn't help it.

"Yes," I said. "He was there too."

Her mouth dropped open. "He's not one of the men who-"

"No," I said, not wanting to hear the end of that question. "He was a prisoner like me. Broke out just like I did, but decided to stay there. I understand Rick and his group were held prisoners there… I think it's hard for them to trust him, hard for him to fit in."

"Understandable," Deanna said. "Why did Rick's group take him in? Why didn't they just kill him like everyone else when they broke out?"

"I… I don't know," I said. I hadn't really thought about it. "Maybe Perla stopped them?"

"You know the group quite well, don't you?"

"Lucas and Perla?" I said. "Yeah, we got out of Atlanta together-"

"No," she said. "I mean one of the others… Mr Dixon? Someone said you two are close?"

I immediately felt uneasy. Deanna was a shark, I still didn't know what her real motives for anything were.

"Yeah," I said, tried to downplay it in case she could use this information to her advantage in some way. Until I knew what her motives were in this, I didn't want to give too much away. "We knew each other a while back. Why?"

"It's just good to know," she said quietly. "That you have an in with these new people. If you were to overhear anything, or if he were to confide in you about-"

"I ain't spying on Daryl," I said loudly. "If that's what you're asking."

"No," she said, but she glanced at the door behind me like she was worried Maggie would have heard that. Changed the subject pretty damn fast. "I'll make sure your other friends have someplace else to stay. Thanks for bringing it to my attention."

"Thank you," I said. "I think it'll help them both settle in."

"Good," she said, with that politician-smile. "I'm hosting a welcome party for them all tomorrow. It would be good to have you there, as a bridge between the newcomers and us."

It was interesting that she included me in the 'us' category.

"Sure," I said. "See you there."

When I left, Maggie gave me a smile that felt more genuine than the one she'd given me on the way in.

Walking back home, I fought the urge to go and see if Daryl was back yet. Keeping my distance was the best thing to do. I didn't want Deanna getting any more ideas about exploiting my 'in' with the new group. I didn't want Rick or any of the others to think I was trying to get between them and Daryl either. And Daryl had been so damn weird today, I didn't want to put him under and more pressure. I'd just have to be patient. Which, after so long apart, was so difficult it hurt.

I tried to distract myself by sitting down on the sofa to read. Eric and Aaron were already there, but before I could even open my book, Eric snapped his shut and leapt out of his seat to sit down next to me.

"Tell me everything," he demanded, more wide-eyed and ready to listen than I had ever seen him.

"Er... what?"

"Leave the girl alone," Aaron said, not bothering to look up from his own book. He'd stopped reading though, I could tell that much.

"You know," Eric said. "About..."

He tilted his head in the direction of the newcomers' houses.

"Oh," I said. "Well, I didn't meet them all, but they seem nice. They've clearly spent a lot of time out there, which I think can only be good for Alex-"

"No," he interrupted me. "Not about that. Last night. The big reunion. How'd it go?"

"Oh," I said, feeling suddenly extremely uncomfortable. "Fine. It was nice to see him again..."

I trailed off.

"And...?" He was looking at me so intently like he was expecting something so much more.

"Ignore him if you like Naomi," Aaron said. "He's just bored."

"Nothing happens around here," Eric said. "It's been the same faces over and over again until Enid. And then you showed up. And now there's a whole new group of people, one of whom just happens to be your long-lost... I'm sorry, what is he to you again?"

"Friend," I said, not sure where he was going with all of this.

"No."

"What do you mean 'no'?" I laughed. "He's a friend."

"That can't be it," he said like I'd just told him the sky was green. "Friend?"

"Yeah," I said. "That's it. Sorry."

"But have you ever…"

"No."

"But do you want to?"

My stomach twisted. A question I hadn't given any thought to until today, only for Daryl to immediately shoot it down. I said, "No," and wondered if the crisis it was causing me was obvious.

"Does he?"

"I-"

"Eric, stop it!" Aaron said. I noticed he hadn't turned the page of his book once since we'd been talking. Eric sat back, rolled his eyes. "They've just met."

"You said they've known each other for-"

"I know," Aaron said. "But he could be different now. She doesn't know how he might have changed out there. Right, Naomi?"

"Well," I said. "I don't think he's-"

"Aha!" Eric leapt up, elated. "You see!"

Aaron sighed and put his book down on the table, giving up on it completely.

"Even if they were married for years before this," Aaron said. "Which, by the way, would be none of your business Eric, they don't know each other now. Namoi said it herself; people are different now."

It was the same point he'd made when we'd found them on the road. I'd never included Daryl in that group of people who might be different now, it felt impossible. Hanging out with him had felt the same. But, Aaron wasn't wrong, there was a lot we didn't know about each other now.

"You're such a buzzkill," Eric sighed and looked back at me. "Do you think he's changed?"

"No."

"All I'm saying is it seems like that group has been through a lot," Aaron said. "Getting used to normal life here is a big deal, and I don't think adding any relationship pressures is a good-"

"Life here ain't normal," I said. Aaron stopped trying to lecture Eric on the risks of prying into people's personal lives before they'd had a chance to settle into the community.

"Well, no, obviously the outbreak still-"

"It ain't that," I interrupted him. "Even with the dead roaming around outside the walls… this place is a hell of a lot nicer than anywhere Daryl and I ever lived. Only place that comes close to it was my last apartment in DC, and I'd just moved in there before all of this. Daryl didn't have any of it. Not even once."

Aaron was nodding in his usual understanding way. I felt myself getting all fired up about the injustices Daryl had faced in his life and it was kind of annoying that he was so empathetic. All of the pressure that had been building in my head all day needed somewhere to go. I could've done with someone to argue with just to make me feel sane again.

"You're saying there's a danger he'll feel like an outsider?" he asked.

"No, not a danger, he already does," I said. "Most of the folks who live here have no idea what life was like for him outside of these walls or before they were even built. He wouldn't have been welcome in a place like this under any other circumstances. He knows that. Sure most people who meet him know that, even if it's subconscious."

"Well…" Eric glanced at Aaron. "We know what that's like."

"'Course you do," I said, my urge to yell at them both was slowly disappearing. "But Daryl doesn't know that. Everyone here's the same privileged asshole to him until they prove themselves otherwise."

"Can you think of anything that will help?" Eric asked.

"I don't know," I said. I'd been asking myself the same thing over and over all day. He'd been fine when it was just him and me, but further isolating him from everyone else wouldn't do him any favours. I didn't want to get between him and his new friends, either.

"Deanna's throwing this big party tomorrow," Eric said. "Maybe you could-"

"No," I said immediately. "He'd hate that."

"Getting him to meet folks might let him warm up to them," Aaron said. "That way, he can see we're not all the same."

"Not in a big group like that," I said, remembering the absolute disaster that him meeting everyone I knew at college in one go had resulted in. "That ain't him. He's better in small groups or one-on-one… plus, imagine if he gets talking to Mrs Neudermeyer first."

"Oh, God," Eric groaned. "That would be a disaster. Two seconds of her talking about a damn pasta maker and I wouldn't blame him for leaving Alexandria immediately."

"Exactly," I said. "And everyone else will know to avoid her, so-"

"He'll definitely get stuck with her," Eric nodded.

"Okay, so not Deanna's party," Aaron said, trying to get us both back on track. He looked at me, "Any other ideas? You know him best."

Eric turned on him, eyes lighting up with triumph, "You said-"

"I mean," he interrupted him quickly. "She knows him better than the rest of us, but that still doesn't mean she should be jumping into bed with him anytime soon."

"Well, she's already done that," Eric pointed out. "They just didn't do anything… right?"

He looked suspiciously at me like I might have hidden a juicy tidbit of information from him in a technicality.

"Right," I said. He looked disappointed. I ignored him and looked at Aaron, "Show him your bikes."

"He into that?"

"Yeah," I said, couldn't help smiling at the thought of Daryl on a bike again. "And if any of 'em break, you'll finally have someone around who can fix them."

He was nodding, like he was taking mental notes to help him pass some kind of exam, "Okay, that's good, what are his other strengths?"

"Other strengths?" I repeated. "This some kind of job interview?"

I thought back to the cold, clinical way that Deanna had talked about Daryl and the rest of the new folks. Something about it echoed with the way Aaron was speaking now. For the first time since he'd brought me here, I looked at him with mistrust. He smiled, I knew it was more to calm me down than anything else.

"Not strictly speaking," he said. "But if he's going to contribute-"

I held up a hand. "Daryl will contribute when he damn well feels like it," I told him. Could feel anger rising in my veins. "And he's a damn sight more useful to this place than the rest of you assholes, so if you think-"

"Woah," he said. "Naomi. Calm down. I'm not saying we'll kick him out if he's not useful. I just think giving him something to do here might help him start to feel more at home."

"Oh," I said, tried to calm myself down. "Alright, then."

"Alright."

For a second, I wished I'd brought that binder I'd made when we were kids. One full of everything Daryl was good at and which jobs would suit him. But it would have been absurd for me to carry that thing around with me through all of this. And, anyway, I didn't need it. No matter what Aaron said or thought, I knew all of Daryl's good traits by heart.

"He's kind," I started. "Like, properly kind, because he cares about people, not because he wants other people to think he's doing the right thing. In fact, he'd kill me if he knew I was saying that about him because he doesn't want people to know how kind he is. I know he seems all stand-offish and hostile, but once he cares about someone... I think he loves harder than any of us."

I stopped. For some reason, this was making me way more emotional than I thought it would. This had been much easier when I'd been writing it down, closing it up in binders and putting it away on a shelf.

"Go on," Aaron encouraged me. I wasn't really focussing on him on Eric, they'd blurred into one. My eyes had misted over, my body was still there, but my mind had gone wherever Daryl was. "What else?"

"He's loyal. Once he's decided someone's worth trusting, he'll fight anyone who threatens that. Even if it's them. Even if they're the one being a dumbass and forgetting who they are. He'd never spill a secret, have your back against anyone, even if you're wrong. When he says he'd take a bullet for someone, it ain't just a phrase. He's the only person in the world who I think really means it."

"Sounds like he's brave, too."

"Yeah," I said. "He is. And smart. He doesn't believe it, but he is. Because he ain't really book smart, although he can be if he puts his mind to it, it's more of a useful kind of smart. He can fix stuff, build stuff. Even if it's real complicated, it never seems that hard to him."

"That's useful."

"Yeah," I said. "I think he'd be happier with something outdoors. He can hunt, too."

"Hunt? Like you?"

"No. Better than me," I said. "Much more patient, much quieter, much better at picking up tracks, too."

"We have enough food not to need someone to hunt full time right now," Aaron said.

"You'll run out," I warned him. "One of these days, and then you'll be wishing you-"

"I'm not saying that as a reason not to keep him here," Aaron said. "I'm just trying to find a reason for him to stick around in the meantime. He sounds great."

"He is."

"Is he a good people-person?"

I hesitated. "If he thinks the people are worth it… yes," I said. "So don't involve him in any of Deanna's political bullshit, he'd hate that. He's a good judge of character, though. I'd trust anyone he does."

"Maybe he'd be a good recruiter?" Aaron suggested. "He can get out of Alexandria for a bit, help people who are still stuck out there while making sure anyone we bring back won't be a threat to us."

I tried to find a flaw with it. Couldn't.

"It's worth a try," I said.

"Great," Aaron smiled. "Now, about the party tomorrow…"

"I really don't think he'll want to go."

"I know," he said. "But we should still make sure he knows he's invited, so he feels included. And if he doesn't want to, maybe you could bring him here for dinner?"

"That would be nice," I said. "If that's okay?"

We both looked at Eric, as the one who did most of the cooking around here.

"Fine by me," he said. "And, speaking of dinner, I should probably get started on tonight's."

"Thanks, Eric."

He stood up, looked back down at me over his shoulder. "You sure you're just friends?"

"Yes."

"Alright," he said like he didn't believe me, which was fair enough given what had just poured out of my mouth without me having to think about it. He walked towards the kitchen to start dinner. Aaron picked his book back up and sat back, looking at me.

"However you feel about him, or may have felt before," Aaron said quietly. "Whatever you do... just, tread carefully, Naomi. Get to know each other as adults."

"I will," I said.

I tried to read again but couldn't take in a word of it. I felt restless and distant all evening, wanting to see Daryl again but knowing keeping my distance was the best thing to do for now. Aaron's concerns echoed in my head too. Everything about being with Daryl felt normal. But it seemed everyone expected the worst. Maybe that felt wrong, but it was smart. I wasn't necessarily the girl he'd known back in Georgia, either.

But I couldn't stop thinking about it. How easy things had been with him. How it felt as if everything in the world was different now except us. His face when Carol implied there was something between us, how quick he'd been to shoot that notion down. It played over and over in my mind until I fell asleep.

That night, I woke up while it was still dark, covered in a cold sweat. The nightmare I'd burst out of melted back into shadows of my room. I put a hand to my chest and could feel my heart racing beneath my ribcage. It shouldn't have been a shock. Bad dreams had followed me since Terminus. I'd have them every night, except… I turned my head to the empty space beside me.

Daryl

Slept like shit.

Every time I drifted off, I woke right back up again. Too many people around, maybe. Couldn't get comfortable. Sleep in a real bed for one damn night, and suddenly the floor wasn't good enough for me anymore.

I got up and went to sit on the porch outside. Thought it might help me calm down. Even with our shit all over the place, the house still felt like a showhome you'd see if you flicked through a magazine. Everyone had been real impressed when they'd seen it. It wasn't just the running water or the electricity either, it was all the fancy shit too. Kitchen all decked out and them fancy carpets that you kinda sink down into when you step on them. When I came back from my hunt, they'd all been cooking up food supplies that the community had given us. Didn't know if they'd have any use for my squirrels or whatever now. Didn't know if they'd have any use for me.

They were all going back to who they'd been before all of this. Comfortable. Used to a good life. But what about me? I couldn't exactly go back to how I was before, they'd all kick me out. Places like this weren't built for people like me.

Rick came back up the steps. Felt like I'd stepped back in time, he was all dressed up in uniform. My heart sank. He stopped when he saw me.

"We good?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said. Didn't much like how hostile he'd been but I got why. Leaving them on the first night hadn't been the best move. Probably made them distrust Naomi more, which was the opposite of what I wanted. I wanted her to be part of this family too. Assumed they'd all welcome her in but should've realized it would take more time than that. "You a cop again?"

"I'm trying it on for size," he said. It was such a turn in attitude since he'd yelled at me that morning.

"So we're staying?" Carol asked, coming out from inside the house, having seen Rick and me talking outside. Even she had melted into this person I didn't really recognize. She was all clean shirts and bright smiles and cardigans. It was like the people I'd known had been a disguise they'd all been wearing to get through it and now they could take them off, go back to who they were underneath. But I'd never been more than… this. Didn't have a disguise to take off.

"I think we can start sleeping in our own homes. Settle in," Rick said, then he glanced back at me. "You can go back to Naomi's if you like."

I knew he didn't mean it as an insult and was probably trying to make up for yelling at me before, but it stung like one.

"If we get comfortable here," Carol said. "If we let our guard down. This place is gonna make us weak."

"It's not gonna happen," he said. "We won't get weak. That's not in us anymore. We'll make it work."

"And if they can't make it...?"

"Then we'll take this place," he said. And I felt better. Like I hadn't quite lost everyone yet.

If I sat in just the right place, I could see the lights from Naomi's place. Willed her to come out the door but it stayed shut. I looked up at the windows, saw that the one in her room wasn't on. Maybe she was already asleep. I thought about going over there, knew I'd left things in a real weird place but didn't know how to fix it. Maybe if I just pretended it hadn't happened, she'd forget about it, and things could be normal again.

Sitting there, somewhere I could see Naomi's house while keeping watch on my family inside the house, was the only place I could get any sleep. If anything kicked off at either place, I'd be able to get there and do something.

Woke up when it got too bright, a damn crick in my neck from the way I'd been sleeping. Could hear people inside making breakfast, glanced over at Naomi's house but there was no way of telling if they were up or not yet. The door opened, and Carol walked out.

"Time to punch the clock and make the casserole," she said, straightening out the weird little cardigan she'd managed to find God knows where.

"What?"

"Make dinner for the old people - moms who need a break, people who can't cook," she said. "Get to meet a lot of the neighbors that way."

Why the hell would you wanna do that?

"Alright," I laughed. Her expression changed a little.

"Have you taken a shower yet?" she asked, which was kinda polite because it was damn obvious that I hadn't.

"Mmm-hmmm," I said, in a non-committal way.

"Take a shower," she said. "Change your clothes. We need to keep up appearances, even you."

"Screw that," I said. She rolled her eyes like I was some kid having a tantrum.

"Deanna's hosting a party for us tonight," she said. " A kind of welcome to the neighborhood thing."

"Oh yeah?" My heart sank because I knew where this conversation was going.

"You should come," she said.

"Nah." I shrugged. "I'd rather boil my head in acid."

She sighed again.

"What happened yesterday, Daryl?" she asked. I really wanted her to piss off, had hoped if I just avoided everyone for long enough they'd all just let it go.

"What do you mean?" I asked, trying to play dumb. It didn't work.

"You and Naomi," she said. "You came back here all smiles. Haven't seen you that relaxed. Then you get in a fight with Rick, and suddenly you want nothing to do with her?"

Her read on what had happened sounded way harsher than I thought of it.

"It ain't like that," I said. Wondered if Naomi had thought about it the same way. I'd tried to be so casual about it, make a dumb joke, but my embarrassment had turned it into a bit of snap, and she hadn't been back to see me since. Guess I couldn't really blame her for that.

I hoped Carol would drop it, but she just kept staring at me. Eventually, it was like a light came on her head, and she said, "She has no idea, does she?"

Felt my mouth go dry, pretended not to know what she was on about. "What?"

"How you feel about her. You never told her?" It wasn't really a question, so I didn't really answer.

I just shrugged again, "Don't matter."

"Course it matters," she said. "You've got another chance now. Don't blow it."

She walked away, still looking nothing like herself and more like a weird housewife. When I'd thought about Naomi, and what might happen if we saw each other again, it had all felt real far away. But now she was here it felt too real. Rick had said a lot of shit. Most of it had just pissed me off. But only because it had been kind of true. Things felt right with Naomi. Like always. Like she was the home I'd been trying to get back to my whole life. But she'd been through some shit she wouldn't talk about. She used to tell me everything. So clearly some things had changed.

And all of that aside, what if she was the same but I fucked it up? What if I came on too strong? What if she just didn't feel the same about me as I did about her? I could lose her all over again.

Suddenly, I really didn't want her to come out of her house and see me. I got too nervous. And sick of staring at her house. I had to move. Felt like the walls of Alexandria were closing in on me. I picked up my crossbow and headed out into the woods. Just scaled the fence so I didn't have to talk to anyone about getting out.

I felt better outside. Quieter for a start. There wasn't anyone looking at me. Judging me like I was some thief who'd broken in. I remembered Rick and the others had looked at me like that once. Now they were all going back to who they used to be, I wondered how long it would take for those looks to come back.

I wondered if Naomi would pack up and leave with me if I asked her. But I'd asked her to go with me once before, back when we were kids, and she hadn't wanted that. She'd wanted to wait until she could afford someplace nice. Safe. She had that here. Why would she want to give it up? We'd grown up the same, but Naomi had turned out so different. She'd always been able to talk with these kinds of people about whatever the hell it was that they cared about. I didn't even know where to start. With her brains, her smile, the way she could listen to everyone in a way that made them feel like what they were saying really mattered even though most folks talk nothing but shit… who wouldn't want that around? Maybe she felt just fine here.

Heard something rustling in the bushes for quite a while. Footsteps. Too close to be safe. I waited until they got a little closer, raised my crossbow and yelled, "Get out here. Now!"

For the second time in almost as many days, Aaron stumbled out of the trees with his arms raised. What did this guy get from spying on people? My heart skipped a beat while I wondered if Naomi was about to come out after him, but he was on his own. I lowered my crossbow, glared at him.

"You can tell the difference between Walkers and humans by sound?" he said. I didn't answer. He raised his eyebrows. "Naomi wasn't exaggerating, you are good."

I looked at the ground. Why'd she always have to be so nice about me?

"Reckons that you can tell the difference between a good guy and a bad guy, that true?" he asked.

"Ain't much of a difference no more," I said.

"That how you feel about your people?" he asked. "About Naomi?"

Anger flared up inside me. What damn business of it was his how I felt about Naomi? About anyone I knew?

"Why you following me?" I snapped.

"Didn't know I was. I came out to hunt rabbits," Aaron said, looking innocent enough, although I noticed he hadn't caught no damn rabbits. "I know why you're out here. Mind if I join?"

He couldn't possibly know all of the reasons I was out here. I wondered which one he was talking about, or if any of the ones he thought were right. I turned and started walking.

"Keep up," I told him. "And keep quiet."

Aaron kept up, but he was not good at keeping quiet, which explained the lack of rabbits on him. He did fine until we spotted a horse in a clearing in the woods.

"I've been trying to catch him for months, bring him inside. His name's Buttons," he said. All unnecessary chatter. I looked at him. What the hell kind of name was that? "One of the kids saw him run by the gate a while back. Thought he looked like a Buttons."

It was as good a reason as any to name a horse you didn't know.

"Haven't seen him for a while," he said, pulling some rope out of a backpack he was carrying. "I was afraid it was too late. Every time Eric or I come close, he gets spooked."

If he did this much chatting around the horse, it was no wonder he ran off. I grabbed the rope off him.

"Have you done this before?" he asked.

"My group did," I said. "But they weren't out there that long. The longer they're out there, the more they become what they really are."

I'd thought that people might be the same. Hoped that Rick and the others would stay the kind of people they'd been on the road. But they'd all been tamed for too long. Easily domesticated again.

I walked slowly forward into the clearing, trying to make as little noise as possible, my rope at the ready and my eyes on the horse.

"I ain't gonna hurt ya," I told him when he saw me coming. He started eating some of the grass at his feet, having decided I weren't a threat. I kept moving slowly forwards, rope outstretched. "Alright? Come on, boy. Keep eating. You used to be somebody's, huh? Now you're just yours."

Maybe that was the best way to be now. On your own, so you didn't get weak.

Something spooked him. I was ready to be mad at Aaron, but when the horse whinnied and looked up, he looked right at a group of Walkers. Making their way towards us through the long grass. He bolted. I looked around for Aaron.

"Come on, they're coming!" I yelled at him. He took one of them out with a gun, started firing on the rest. I took a few out with a knife and then looked at him. "C'mon."

I knew if we were quick enough, we could still track the horse.

We walked through the woods for a bit, following the horse's trail weren't so hard. All of the tracks were so fresh, and he'd been running in a panic, leaving deep marks.

"You ride horses?" Aaron asked, forgetting my rule about staying quiet.

"I ride bikes."

"Take it you don't mean ten-speeds," he said. I didn't say anything for a moment. Wondered if he was really out here trying to hunt rabbits and catch horses when he was clearly so bad at both, or if it was me he'd come out here to domesticate.

"Naomi tell you that too?" I asked.

"She mentioned you could fix almost anything, bikes included," he said.

Fuck's sake, Naomi.

"Well, she's known to exaggerate," I said.

"Really?" he said. "I've never found that. Seems like quite a straight-shooter."

I didn't like that. Didn't like that Aaron was talking like he knew her better. Most of all, didn't like that he weren't wrong.

"Maybe just when it comes to me, then," I said.

"Maybe," he said, with a soft laugh like he didn't believe that at all. "I know you're feeling like an outsider. It's not your fault, you know. Eric and I, we're still looked at as outsiders in a lot of ways. We've heard our fair share of well-meaning, but hilariously offensive things from some otherwise really nice men and women. Naomi, too. She's an outsider like the rest of us."

"Seems like she's doing okay," I said, but it was more of a question. He'd probably been observing her the whole time she was here like he was doing to me now, would know better than I did how she was really getting on.

"She's doing better than she was," he said. "But she's still been through a lot. And I don't need to tell you that she didn't grow up like the rest of these people. That's why I wanted her to live with us when she got here. So she'd be with people who understood what it's like to be an outsider."

She seemed so good at pretending to me. How could they tell? Could rich folks just smell the poor on us? If they didn't accept someone like her in a place like this, what hope in hell did someone like me have?

"Someone giving her shit?" I asked. I watched him look at the way my fingers tensed on my crossbow and tried to stop it, so he wouldn't like I was some deranged psycho. But I couldn't help it. That need to protect her was built in like muscle memory.

"No," he said. "My point is, you're not alone in this. People are people. The more afraid they get, the more stupid they get. Fear shrinks the brain. They're scared of you and me for different reasons. They're less scared of me because they know me. It's less and less every day. Same for Naomi. So, let them get to know you. You should go to Deanna's party tonight."

Not this again.

"I got nothing to prove," I said. "I met a lot of bad people out here, doing a lot of bad shit. They weren't afraid of nothing."

"Yeah, they were," he said quietly.

By the time we found the horse again, Walkers were closing in. I took out a few, and Aaron got tripped up by one. I kicked its skull in, took out another. He scrambled to his feet and shot one that was coming up behind me. The horse was overrun. Walkers all around it. Only got there in time to see it taken down. We could still hear it's squeals of pain, saw it thrashing around as they tore into it. While the Walkers were distracted eating it, we took them all out. Aaron put the horse out of its misery with one shot to the head. Looked real cut up about it.

"He always ran," he said, looking at what was left of Buttons, blaming himself for trying to get the horse used to people again instead of letting it be scared of the living as well as the dead, or finding out if it could tell the difference. I turned away from the horse's corpse. Another reminder that if you live alone, you die alone out here. As much as I wanted to just up and leave, you need someone to watch your back.

"You were just trying to help him," I said.

He was finally quiet on the walk back. But it was a sad kind of quiet, not a nice one. I wished he'd talk again, thought about trying to start a conversation or tell him again that it wasn't his fault for trying to help the horse. But I didn't know what to say to him. Or how to say it. We parted ways on our street, I watched him head towards the house he shared with Naomi.

Carol was in the hallway when I got in. She looked surprised to see me.

"You're back?" she said.

"Yup," I shrugged. "Nothing out there, anyway."

She nodded. "Have you... Thought any more about the party?"

I rolled my eyes. "It ain't my thing."

"I know," she said. "But Naomi might be there."

I'd really hoped the subject wouldn't come up. Again."

"I'm sure she will be," I said like I didn't care either way, which of course was a lie.

She sighed. "It wouldn't hurt, you know. Making an effort with these folks."

"Nah, I'm alright," I said.

"She came here and made an effort with all of us," Carol said. "I'm sure she'd appreciate it if you did the same."

"She's only been here three weeks," I said. "Sure these folks ain't her friends."

"Well, it would be a good way to get to know each other again," she said. "Maybe having other people there, being more relaxed will take the pressure off."

"Maybe," I said. I wasn't convinced. Things had felt normal when it was just the two of us, it was my dumbass idea to bring her over here that had made things weird.

"Think about it," she said. I didn't give an answer, either way, just nodded and headed upstairs.

I sat on my own for a bit, heard people around me getting ready and then heading out. When the house was quiet, I walked into one of the bathrooms. I watched the shower run for a while, filling the room up with steam before I stepped into it. It was weird, showering again. I watched dirt circle the drain. Maybe Carol had a point. A shower wasn't such a bad idea.

When I got out, I wrapped myself in a towel and wiped the steam off the mirror. Stared at my own face. Not much I could do about that. Should I shave? Would that help?

There was shaving stuff lying out. I might as well try. It had been a while since I'd done it properly, was used to just trimming off what I had to with my knife. Shaving foam and a real razor was a whole new experience.

The door opened when I was halfway through. I looked over, razor halfway to my face. It was Rick, looking shocked to see me.

"Sorry," he said. "Didn't know you were in here."

"It's okay," I said. "Almost done."

"Take your time, there's another bathroom downstairs," he said and started to turn away, but then it was like he clocked what I was doing. "Are you… are you… coming to the party?"

The amount of surprise in his voice nearly made me say no.

"Thinking about it," I said. "You?"

"Yeah," he said. "Just on my way over now. I can wait for you if you want?"

"Nah, it's okay," I said. "You go ahead, I'll catch you up."

"Alright," he nodded. "There are clean clothes in the wardrobe. Deanna says we're welcome to them. If you… you know, want to change."

"Alright," I said, glancing down at where my clothes lay in a heap on the ground. "See you over there."

He gave me another nod and left. I picked up my vest from the ground. Gave it a sniff. It smelt like dirt and sweat and the outside, which I didn't mind, but I didn't think folks at Deanna's fancy party would appreciate. I went over and opened up one of the wardrobes. Felt lost, staring at a row of someone else's clothes. Tried to find something I even half liked. Pulled out a shirt and a pair of jeans that I didn't hate the look off.

They looked dumb on me though. When I put them on and stared at myself in the mirror, I felt like I was dressed up as someone else. But that's what Carol had done, and it seemed to help her. Maybe that was what she'd meant by 'making and effort'. Still felt like an idiot. A fake. I walked out, knew if I looked at myself too long, I'd end up chickening out.

On the walk over there, I stuck to the shadows. Didn't much want to bump into anyone. Didn't want anyone to see me in case I did decide not to go in.

I stood outside the door for ages, in the shadows just outside where I could get a good view. The lights were on. I could hear music I didn't much like, people laughing and chatting. I tried not to think about how many strangers were in there, the kind of questions they might ask. I already felt like an animal in a damn zoo here.

One of the curtains lifted up and there. I saw a room full of people. Drinks in their hand. I scanned them quickly in case the curtain dropped again. Then I saw her. Laughing at something. She looked so damn pretty. I think she glanced over at the window, but the curtain fell down again before I could be sure.

This was a mistake.

I felt like a dumbass, remembered how stupid I looked in the mirror. Cuffs felt too tight around my wrists. I unbuttoned them, pushed my sleeves up my arms and felt how sweaty my hands were. Felt a little better, but I bet I still looked really stupid.

I was about to run, but then the door opened as someone came out. I looked up. There she was.

"Hey," she smiled, letting the door close quietly behind her. I stopped fidgeting with my damn shirt.

"Hey," I said. My mouth felt dry. I swallowed, waited for my heart rate to return to normal.

"You look nice," she said.

"I feel like a dumbass," I admitted, but something about the way she was smiling at me relaxed me a little.

"It ain't you," she said. "But you're pulling it off."

"Thanks."

She held up a beer bottle.

"Saved you one of these," she said. "You want it?"

"Nah," I said. "I'm okay, thanks. Tryna drink less."

"Okay," she said and set the bottle down outside the door. I wondered if she was gonna make me come in, how I would say no to her. But she walked down the stairs and stood in front of me. "Wanna get out of here?"

I immediately felt this huge pressure lift. Back inside the house, I could hear people laughing. "What about the party?"

"I've done my time," she shrugged. "Said hello to some people. It's kind of lame in there anyway, I'm ready to leave."

"Yeah?" I said. I wondered if she was just saying it to stop me feeling guilty about making her miss the party.

"I only went to see if you'd come," she said and was so embarrassed about it that it had to be the truth. I smiled. I couldn't help it. "Aaron and Eric ain't there either. They're making dinner though, said I could invite you. You wanna come eat?"

It was all I wanted to do.

"Yeah," I said, relief at not having to go into or explain my absence from that stupid party flooded through me. "This ain't really my thing."

She nodded like she knew that. Because she did know that. She knew me better than anyone, knew me well enough to anticipate that I'd be lurking outside for ages trying to talk myself into going in there. We started walking together.

"For the record," she said. "It ain't really my thing either."

"Looked like you was having fun."

"It was okay," she said. "I'd rather just... hang out though."

I didn't know what to say. My chest felt tight.

"You look pretty, by the way," I blurted out. She looked at me, seemed surprised. "Earlier, you said I looked nice, and I didn't say anything back, so… er, you look pretty."

"Thanks," she said, and I think she blushed, but it was dark, so it was hard to tell. She was walking close to me, but I wanted to be closer. She glanced at me again. "You know the way to mine from here?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Race you," she grinned and started running.

"Hey!" I yelled, taking off after her. "You had a head start, that ain't fair!"

But I wasn't mad about it, and she knew it. Her laugh floated back to me, and my nerves were left on the doorstep of the party I never went into.