Naomi
Daryl ducked out of the way as the cold, dead hands of a Walker lunged for his neck. From this distance, it was hard to tell how close it got. Years of built-up grime on the windows distorted the picture, which didn't make it any easier. I could feel my heart beating in the back of my throat so hard I thought I'd puke it out of my chest. The Walker stumbled past Daryl, and he tripped it, sent it flying. Then he came up behind it and pushed, impaling it on one of the spikes around the Sanctuary fence. The tightness in my chest lifted momentarily.
"Ohh, and he's got it! One point to the rednecks!" Negan cheered like he was some goddamn sports commentator. He leaned against the window we were looking out of and watched me watch Daryl, drinking in my fear like it was lemonade on a hot day. "Enjoying the view? Told you it was beautiful from up here. Is it everything you thought it would be, darlin'?"
"Yeah, actually," I said. When Negan had come bounding into my room bragging about some great view, I'd known it would be something shitty. "You're getting predictable."
He laughed. I was getting sick of the sound of his laugh.
"Look at us," he said, nudging me on the arm. My skin prickled with annoyance. "You're out here stretching your legs, and you ain't thrown even one little punch at anyone. I've got Simon cleaning out your cell, so you have somewhere nice to go back to, and as a punishment for that almighty beating he gave you. But you and me? I think we are finally getting along. You haven't threatened to kill me in days."
Doesn't mean I haven't been thinking about it.
I was thinking about it right then, imaging all the different ways you could skin a human being, but he didn't need to know that. As long as he thought I was falling in line, I would be able to get a step ahead of him. Or, at least, not be as far behind as I had been until now.
"In fact," he said. "We're getting on so well that I think I'm going to let you out of your box a bit more. Let you roam around the place free range. Get a good look at everything we have to offer so you can make an informed decision about joining my team."
It felt like another trap. I had come to learn that most of what Negan said was true, but there was always a twist. And I wasn't about to fall for it again. Not after that damn photograph. "You're going to let me out?"
It seemed like an unspeakably dumb move.
"Well, not on your own," he said with a laugh. "Sherry's gonna keep an eye on you. Your very own chaperone to show you all of our beautiful sights. Like this one. Sure she remembers them from when it was Dwight out there."
Sherry was standing behind us, arms folded across her chest and saying nothing. I could see Dwight supervising Daryl while he worked for points. I squinted at him, he was even wearing Daryl's damn vest. Those angel wings looked wrong on someone else's back. The sight of it froze the anxiety pooling in the pit of my stomach and shattered it, sending shards of sharp anger through my bloodstream.
Daryl was fighting for his life every goddamn moment he was out there, and for what? Setting up defenses for a place he wanted to see fall? I didn't want to watch, but looking away felt like abandoning him. If he had to go through it, the least I could do was bear witness to it.
"I want you to see every shitty moment he has in here," Negan said. He was real close to my ear. I could feel his breath on the back of my neck, and it made every muscle in my body clench. "I want you to watch him get these Walkers, I want you to watch him clean up piss and shit, and know that every second of his miserable existence is on you. He gets bit out there, he gets sick or starves to death from not getting enough points? All of that's on you, sweetheart. But you can change things, just like Sherry did."
I felt sick. What was I doing standing up here watching when I could make it stop? It was almost enough to make me crack. Almost.
You promised.
I kept reminding myself of it, how serious he'd sounded through that door. How he hadn't cared what happened to him as long as I didn't take Negan's offer. No matter what he said, it wasn't worth his life. Nothing was. I'd known, even when I made that stupid promise, that if I so much as saw Negan holding Lucille in the same room as Daryl, I'd take his offer in a heartbeat. But now, I wasn't even sure I could stomach seeing him out there working for points. Saving him was worth everything.
I could live with him being mad at me for it. Hating me. I'd done it before. As long as he was alive, maybe being married to Negan wouldn't be so bad. In a bit of time, I might be able to see Mia, too. Make sure she stayed safe. Build some kind of life for her. I tore my gaze away from Daryl and looked back at Sherry, teetering on the edge of a decision Daryl would hate me for.
Hate is fine. Dead is worse.
Dead people can't hate.
Negan was watching me closely, like always. I opened my mouth to tell him I gave in, but something in Sherry's eyes stopped me. I was used to her looking sad; a long-lasting, long-suffering kind of pain haunted her. But this was different. Something had hardened. A deep hatred and a determination had set in. She gave me the tiniest shake of her head, and I closed my mouth again. I looked at Negan, who was too focussed on me to notice the look Sherry had just given me.
"You're thinking about it, aren't you, darlin'?" Negan said with that trademark smugness. "You better think fast because I don't know how long he can last out there. Tough, ain't it? Loving someone and just… waiting around for the moment they might die. That shit sits with you, huh?"
He kept going, but I tuned him out. I watched Sherry glance at the floor while he talked, unable to stand even looking at the man she served. Negan ruled through fear and hatred. Usually, that was a recipe for mutiny. But he could keep people like Sherry in line because he knew how to take something good and twist it.
He might be an asshole, but he knew something about love. He had to know what it was like, how powerful it was to fear losing someone like this. It was what gave him the confidence to repeat this whole process again and again with different people. I thought about how he'd talked about it before, that shadow that had crossed his face when he'd talked about loving someone dead.
Lucille.
What were the chances that was a name he'd just pulled out his ass? He was still running his mouth, but I didn't care. Same shit, different day.
"Who was Lucille?" I asked. And there it was, a flicker of something that he tried to hide too quickly with a smile. He raised the bat, but it didn't scare me. For once, I felt like the power was mine.
"You forgotten about Lucille already?" he asked. "You need a little reminder of how she bashed old Red's head-"
"No," I interrupted him. The sounds of Abraham's skull cracking would haunt me forever. Negan wasn't going to deflect my attention so quickly. "I didn't ask who Lucille is. I asked who she was. Before you picked up a filthy bat, named it after her, and used it to crack skulls. Did she-"
His fist connected with the underside of my jaw in a way that both shut me up and told me that I'd done it. I'd found the right path. I'd found a weakness, a crack in his armor. And he was fucking livid.
"Negan, stop!" Sherry yelled as he hit me again. I looked at him. There was a desperate fury in his eyes. He'd lost it. But I didn't care. I still felt powerful, and for the first time since we'd got here, he looked weak to me. Small. He could've killed me at that moment, probably would have too, if it hadn't been for the burst of gunfire that rang out from somewhere outside the Sanctuary.
My ears were ringing from how hard he'd hit me, but even I heard it. And I felt the atmosphere in the whole building change. Like its very foundations knew something was going wrong for them. The wind shook loose window panes.
"What the shit?" Negan stopped hitting me and looked back out of the window. "Oh, hell."
Sherry and I glanced at each other, as he started to bolt from the room.
"Take her back to her cell," Negan said.
"I can't," Sherry said. "You gave Simon the key."
"Then take her to your place," Negan said. "Show her what her life could look like if she plays her cards right."
Fuck off.
The door closed behind him, and Sherry straightened up from where she'd been leaning. She looked reluctantly at me, "Come on, let's go."
I knew the order wasn't coming from her, but I still resented her for giving it. I looked out of the window again. I couldn't see Daryl anymore, a truck with half-unloaded supplies blocked my view. Dead bodies lay around it, too freshly dead to have turned yet. What the hell had just happened?
"Come on, Naomi," Sherry said again, and I did what she said in case refusing her would give Negan a reason to beat her in the same way he did me. I wouldn't be responsible for that.
She took me to a room that was full of women like her. When the door opened, a hush fell over everyone, and the air bristled until they saw it wasn't Negan. Most of them were clustered around a blonde girl with red-rimmed eyes who was trying not to cry. All of them had the same, resigned look in their eyes. Dressed in the same kind of dresses that they'd stuck me in a few days before. Was this what Negan had been trying me out for? Some twisted audition for a role I did not want? It made me want to set myself on fire.
"What is this place?" I asked Sherry as the other women, realizing there was no danger here, started talking to one another again.
"This is where Negan keeps us," she said, talking about herself like she was some kind of pet. "His wives."
She said the word 'wives' like it was poison, and holding it in her mouth for too long would kill her. No wonder everyone here looked so broken. The girl who'd clearly been crying looked up at Sherry. Her bottom lip trembled.
"Amber?" Sherry took a good look at her. How often did women cry here that it took Sherry so long to notice? She stepped towards her, and some of the others moved aside so that she could sit next to Amber. "What's happened?"
Amber looked away from her and down at the ground like she was ashamed of something.
"Negan knows," someone else said, "about her and Mark."
A sob escaped Amber's mouth, and Sherry put an arm around her.
"It's okay," Sherry said quietly. "It's going to be okay."
Sherry's words were comforting, but the atmosphere in the room told another story. Shared glances between other women behind Amber's back suggested that things were far from okay, and far from over. It's hard to witness that helplessness and not be able to do anything. I didn't even know what Negan had found out, or what punishment Amber was so afraid of. Was it Lucille? Would Negan bash her head in for whatever it was she and Mark had done? I cast my eye around the room for a knife or anything sharp I could use if Negan came here and tried to take her away.
Before I could do anything, the door opened, and the room froze again. This time, it really was Negan. I watched Amber shrink and do her best not to look guilty. I tried to think through my options, how I could stop whatever was about to unfold. And then I saw who was following Negan into the room.
A kid in his daddy's old cop hat, his missing eye wrapped up in a bandage. My heart almost stopped.
Carl.
Shit.
I felt sick, my hands started shaking. What the hell was he doing here? Had something happened in Alexandria? I saw a glimmer of horror in his eye when he looked at me and guessed there was at least one mark on my face from my run-in with Negan moments before.
"Can I talk to you for a minute, dear wife?" he said to Sherry, then he glanced back at Carl. "Make yourself comfortable, kid."
While Negan was distracted with Sherry, I risked taking a few steps closer to Carl. I whispered, "Are you okay?"
"Yeah," he said. "I tried to… I thought I could…"
"The gunfire," I said. "That was you?"
He nodded. Then, he looked at me again. "Are you and Daryl okay? I saw him outside and… your face…"
"We're okay," I said. There was no need for him to worry about us when he'd got himself stuck here too. "Is… is everyone in Alexandria okay?"
Carl nodded again, but I couldn't tell if it was true, or he didn't want to tell me anything while Negan was in earshot. Things couldn't be right at home if he was here. Why would he risk coming here? Where was Rick?
Negan finished his quiet conversation with Sherry and pushed a bottle of beer into Carl's hand as he passed by. Carl took it but did not drink it, heading over to where Amber was still doing her best not to cry. She began visibly shaking the closer he got. He sat down opposite her and looked back at me like this was something I should be paying attention to.
"Amber, baby," he said to her. She looked fearfully up at him, "You know I don't want anyone here that doesn't want to be here, right?"
"Mmm-hmm," Amber nodded, too scared to form a coherent sentence. I wasn't sure what kind of point he was trying to prove, but she didn't look to me like the picture of a willing wife.
"So, if you wanna leave and go back to Mark, you can," he said. His voice was soft and gentle, but there was a darker undercurrent that turned every syllable into a threat. "But what can't you do?"
"Cheat on you," Amber's voice was so quiet, I hardly heard it from where I stood.
"That is exactly right. You can't cheat on me. There's plenty of other gals who would love to take your place," Negan said. "And there are a few job openings that I can think of. You wanna go back to Mark and your Mom? Hell, I'll put you all on the same job."
"No. I'll stay," she said immediately and couldn't hold the tears back anymore. Whatever job he had in mind was clearly one she didn't want her loved ones doing. "I'm sorry."
"You know what that means, right?"
"Yes," Amber said, her sad and desperate eyes fixed on Negan. "I love you, Negan."
I wanted to throw up. My eyes scanned the room for something sharp again—anything I could use to gut him like a fish and get this poor girl away.
"Of course, you do, darlin'," he said, putting his fingers under her chin. I saw her actively resisting the urge to flinch. "I don't know why you're crying, it's all going to work out aces for you."
He glanced over at Carl and me with this big grin. Then, he turned back to Amber and planted a kiss on her forehead. I saw her fists clench, her shoulders shudder. Sherry looked away. Negan walked back over to her, they had another quiet conversation, and then he kissed her on the lips. Sherry closed her eyes, resigned herself to it, and I looked away. Everything and everyone in this room felt so helpless. But there were more of us than there were of him. How was it that this asshole had all the goddamn power?
The door opened again, and Dwight walked in. I did not miss the look in his eyes. A split second of rage and hurt when he saw Negan and Sherry, and then it was gone again. Daryl was with him, his eyes fixed on Carl for a moment, and I saw the worry tense his shoulders. His grip tightened on a tray of food he held out in front of him; chopped up fruit skewered on cocktail sticks. Then, his gaze searched the room and found my face.
Daryl.
My Daryl.
I don't know how it was for him, but those few moments that our eyes were allowed to meet were one of the few moments of genuine peace in this place.
Negan pulled away from Sherry and looked over at the door. He grinned when he saw Dwight watching them. Dwight dropped his gaze to the floor by Negan's feet. Negan walked over and picked up one of the skewers from Daryl's tray.
"Carl, will you grab this tray for me?" Negan said, making a move like he was about to leave.
"Why you got him here?" Daryl asked, as fierce and protective as if Carl was his own.
"Woah!" Negan snapped. I took a step forward, fists at my side. It was automatic. "Do not make me put this toothpick through the only eye he has. You go with Dwight. He'll get you a mop. Dwighty boy, fire up that furnace. I'll be down in a few. Time for a little deja vu."
He directed his grin at Sherry and Dwight before he left with Carl. When he was gone, Sherry let out a breath that carried all the tension she'd been holding since he'd arrived. I saw the way she looked at Dwight, and the way he looked back at her. They knew something terrible was coming. Was something about to happen to Carl?
I could feel all of Daryl's anxieties radiating off him. Without looking at him, I reached out for his hand. My love for him and the pain of not being able to speak to him rose in my throat. My eyes stung. Our fingers brushed together. I felt him jump at the sudden contact, and then our little fingers looped together. Held there for a moment like a pinkie swear.
I swear I'm getting you out of here.
"Hey," Dwight snapped when he noticed, grabbing the back of Daryl's sweater and hauling him out of the room. Daryl kept his eyes on me, right up until the door shut. Stolen moments were all we had now.
"Come on," Sherry grabbed my arm. I wasn't ready for it, still a little too emotionally raw to deal with this. I looked at her, wondering what the urgency was. She bowed her head closer to mine and whispered, "I'll help you. I'll help you get him out."
I started walking with her immediately, hardly daring to believe what she'd said. Dwight and Daryl were already gone when we entered the corridor. Sherry looked around her, checking there was nobody around to see us.
"Are we going now?" I asked, alarmed at the speed she was suddenly moving. She'd spent so long on the fence, I wasn't sure she was ever going to get off and now she was walking with a determination I hadn't seen before.
"No," she said. "We'll all need to gather on the factory floor soon. You know how much Negan likes an audience when he's dishing out punishment."
She said it so bitterly, her teeth clenched. She pushed open the door to the stairwell I knew she and Dwight smoked in sometimes with such a force it hit the stone wall on the other side.
"Punishment?" I repeated as we reached the top of the stairs. She was leading me down. My heart jumped. "If it's Carl, we can't let it happen. We gotta-"
"It's not Carl," she cut me off. "Negan is not a good guy, but he's not known for hurting kids. If he wanted Carl dead, he'd have done it by now. He wouldn't draw it out like this."
It was a surprise. Negan's cruelty didn't seem like it had limits. The Hilltop had told us that the kid Negan killed there was only 16, but maybe he hadn't known. Maybe he'd looked older. Mia told me she hadn't been hurt the whole time she'd been here. Sherry had been here much longer than either of us, seen a lot of shit. If Negan hurt kids, I had to believe she'd know about it.
"Daryl and I ain't leaving here without Mia and Carl," I told her, running down the stairs to keep up with her. "We can't."
"You won't have to," she said. "Negan will take Carl home when he's done toying with him."
"How can you be sure?" I said. I didn't know how to make her see that Daryl and I wouldn't leave the kids here. We'd die before that happened.
"Think about it this way, Carl's more use to him alive as leverage over Rick," she said, and when she put it like that, it didn't make sense for Negan to kill Carl. "When he does take Carl back, it's our best window to get out."
"Our?" I repeated. "You're coming with us?"
She paused at the bottom of the stairs, her hand poised over the railing, and looked back at me over her shoulder.
"I can't stay here," she said. "I don't know if I'll… join you. But I can't stay here."
"What about Dwight?" I asked. I was willing to bring him too if that's what it took, but I wasn't sure I could convince Daryl not to kill Dwight the second we got out of here.
"I don't know who Dwight is anymore," she said. "He's lost himself. That man in there, and what he's about to do, he's not the man I used to know. I thought I was saving him, but… we should've fought. We should've been more like you and Daryl."
I could see the regret etched into her face. I took hold of her arm.
"Hey," I said gently. "You're fighting now. Don't beat yourself up about something you're trying to change. We can do this. We got this."
It was the first time since coming into this place that I had more than blind hope to back it up. I had someone on my side who knew how this place ran. She nodded like she believed me. Believed in me. There was no time for me to question whether or not she was right. We had to act now. Sherry stepped off the final step and led me to the ground floor. The same level they were keeping Daryl on.
I knew he wouldn't be locked in that cell anymore, we'd literally just seen him, but it didn't stop me looking out for him at every turn. Sherry stopped outside a door that was closed but not locked. She opened it and peered inside. A dimly-lit but empty storeroom.
"Bike keys," Sherry whispered when she saw my quizzical look. "This is where they keep them. Stand watch?"
I nodded, and stood with my back to the door, scanning the corridor and listening for anyone coming down them.
"Okay," Sherry emerged from the room again, and we started walking hurriedly away so that nobody would catch us. "I could only find one. The rest must've been checked out already. Either we wait until those guys get back, or Mia and I will have to go on foot and meet you-"
"No," I shook my head. "Mia goes with Daryl."
"What?" Sherry looked at me in disbelief. "You don't want her with you?"
"I want her where she'll be safe," I said. "Daryl's getting the bike, so he's getting Mia too. You and I are much more likely to be caught on foot."
"You could take the bike?" she suggested. "I'll lead Daryl out…"
"No," I said. "Daryl getting caught isn't an option. He'll keep Mia safe. There's nobody I trust more with her life than Daryl."
Sherry swallowed back any doubts she had and nodded, "Okay. Whatever you think."
"How do we get them out?" I asked.
"Mia's easy," Sherry said. "She can move around the Sanctuary, and nobody will be too hard on her if she's found somewhere she's not meant to be. As for Daryl… I can get the key to his room."
"You sure?"
"Yeah, I know where Dwight keeps that, leave it to me," she said. "You just make sure Mia knows what to do."
We walked out onto the front steps of Sanctuary. The half-unloaded food truck was still there. The men out there were a little too busy to notice two women slip past them to walk around the parameters, looking for a good place for us to slip away.
"Thanks to Carl," Sherry nodded to where the bodies of the people he'd shot were being hung up on spikes outside the fence. "There aren't as many guards out here. Negan will take more when he leaves for Alexandria, which should give us a few places we can leave without being seen. Where we go after that is on you."
"Hilltop or the Kingdom," I said, trying to work out which was the better option and most likely to take us in.
"Not Alexandria?"
"It's the first place he'll look," I said. On one hand, I had friends at the Kingdom - Bryce and Carol - who'd be able to shelter us. On the other hand, I had no idea if Negan was aware of the Kingdom, and I didn't want to bring him to their door if he wasn't. Hilltop, at least, were already mixed up in this.
"You okay?" Sherry asked.
"Yeah," I said. "Just thinking it through."
"We need to head back in soon," Sherry said. "If Negan notices we're missing from Mark's punishment, he'll get suspicious."
"But the minute he leaves with Carl, we get Daryl and Mia, and we go?" I asked.
"That's right," Sherry said. "If you really-"
"Naomi!" someone hissed. A hurried, urgent whisper. A man's voice for sure. Sherry and I both jumped. The immediate and instinctual fear that it was Negan filled us both up. But when I turned and saw who it was, I felt myself relax. The last piece of the puzzle had just presented itself.
"Hello, Jesus," I smiled.
We're getting out of here.
Daryl
Dwight handed me a broom. I took the handle and thought about whether it was enough to take out Negan and get all of us somewhere safe. Now Carl was here too. It felt like every moment I sat about doing nothing, the number of people in trouble grew. I should have paid more attention to Morgan and his damn stick when he was trying to teach us about it in Alexandria. He might've known how to weaponize this.
"The hell am I supposed to mop?" I asked.
"Shut up," Dwight snapped. "You'll see."
I looked at the crowd gathering on the factory floor like they knew what was about to happen. Dwight lit a furnace and strung up an iron over the flames. It started glowing red with heat. I watched how he flinched away from it. He didn't want to, but it was automatic. I looked at those new burns on his face and was willing to bet that I was about to find out how he got them.
A man was dragged in and tied to a chair that was waiting for him by the furnace. He was shaking, crying.
Negan stepped out onto a walkway above the factory floor, Carl still in tow. When they saw Negan, everyone in the room dropped to one knee. Like he was a goddamn King. Negan looked out over everyone. Carl glared at the back of his head.
A door opened on the factory floor. I glanced at it and saw Naomi and Sherry sneak quietly into the room. It hadn't escaped my notice that parts of Noami's face had been red when I'd seen her earlier. Some of those parts were now darkening, fresh bruises under her jaw.
Despite this, there was a light in her eyes that I hadn't seen for a long time. Was she up to something? Or was she finally starting to cave into this place? Seeing her in that room filled with Negan's wives had made my heart drop right down to my stomach. But, I figured if she was going to break her promise to me, Negan would make her do it right in front of me to watch me unravel. I hated being so far from her. Being able to see her but not know what she was going through, it was hell.
"Hold that for me," Negan said to Carl, holding out Lucille. Carl's hesitation was uncomfortably long, but eventually, he took it. Negan looked at the rest of us, "You know the deal. What's about to happen is gonna be hard to watch. I don't want to do it. I wish I could just ignore the rules and let it slide, but I can't. Why?"
"The rules keep us alive," the chorus belated out of a bunch of brainwashed sheep.
"That is right. We survive. We provide security to others. We bring civilization back to this world. We are the Saviors," he said. I hated that fucking name. "But we can't do that without rules. Rules are what make it all work. I know it's not easy. But there's always work, there is always a cost. If you try to skirt it, or if you try to cut the corner… then it is the iron for you."
The iron?
I looked at Dwight again, his burns. How could he go through it and then stand by watching it happen to someone else?
Negan led Carl down to the factory floor. The whole crowd waited with bated breath, too afraid to talk. For a moment, the only sounds you could hear were soft sobs from one of Negan's wives and the shaky, unsteady breathing of the guy in the chair. Negan walked over to Dwight and reached out a hand. Dwight lifted the iron out of the fire and passed it to him.
"Mark... I'm sorry," Negan said to the guy in the chair, not sounding sorry. "But it is what it is."
Without any further hesitation, he pressed the burning side of the iron to Mark's face. Mark screamed, and the room quickly filled up with the smell of cooking meat. Smelt like Terminus. The skin on Mark's face started blistering and peeling around the edges of the iron, and I had to look away. Most folks couldn't look. Just stood there and listened until his screams suddenly ended. I glanced over again and saw he'd passed out.
Negan pulled the iron away from Mark's face, bits of flesh still clung to the bottom of it. Negan looked at me and grinned. He didn't say anything, but his meaning was clear. This is what happened to anyone who went behind his back with one of his wives.
Don't matter. She ain't ever going to be yours.
"Ah, that wasn't so bad now, was it?" Negan said to the silent crowd. Then his eyes fixed on me again, and he walked over. I felt everything in me tense as he came up behind me and said, "He pissed himself. Clean that up."
The mop that had been in my hand before Mark was even put in the chair suddenly made sense. How often did this happen, for them to know that it would be needed? I started mopping up the wet patch on the floor. The smell of piss mixed with the heavy scent of burning flesh. Negan stepped aside to let the Doctor take a look at Mark.
"Well, the pussy passed out. But it's settled, we're square. Everything is cool. Let Mark's face be a daily reminder to him and to everyone else that the rules matter. I hope that we all learned something today because I don't ever want to have to do that again," he told the crowd. Then, he looked at Carl. "Some crazy shit, huh? Come on, Let's go figure out what to do with you."
I watched him take Carl away again. He looked back at me before he melted into the crowd. I wanted to follow him, make sure Negan wasn't about to do something terrible to him. But I worried that following him would have consequences, and not for me. For Carl. Ever since they'd beat Naomi unconscious, the thought of stepping out of line and getting someone else hurt like that turned my stomach.
I looked around for Naomi, but she and Sherry were already gone.
The crowd trickled away as Dwight and I cleaned up. When we were done, he took me back out into the yard to face the Walkers out there again. The van Carl had arrived in was empty now, but there was a whole team of people milling around it. Armed. Like they were preparing it for another journey. I looked up. Tried not to react when I saw Jesus on top of it. He mouthed the words, "Be ready."
I looked away again, not wanting to draw any attention to him, but this must have had something to do with Naomi's change in mood. That new light in her eyes. Something was changing, and she was the one changing it.
Negan yelled for me from the front of the van. I walked up, saw that Carl was sitting in there too. He gave me a look like he wanted to apologize for something. Negan said, "You seem worried, so I'm taking the kid home."
You better be.
"If you do anything to him-" I said.
"Dwight!" Negan yelled, not breaking eye contact with me. "Daryl needs a time out. Put him back in his box for a while."
Fuck. You.
As the truck drove off, Negan flipped me the bird out of the window. When I looked at the roof again, Jesus was gone like he'd never even been there. Dwight grabbed the back of my shirt and dragged me into the building again. I shook him off, walked ahead of him. I knew where I was going, I didn't need his damn hands on me.
I sat in the dark. Alone. I wondered if I'd gotten myself in enough trouble to ruin whatever plan Naomi was working on.
I heard a door down the corridor open, and footsteps approach. I hoped it was her. I hoped she'd speak to me through the door again just so I could tell her to leave without me. To take Mia and run and let me rot here. If this was her only chance to get out, I wanted her to take it.
I heard the door unlock, but it didn't open. And then a note slid quietly under it. The footsteps ran away without a word. If it was Naomi, she'd have said something, right? The note sat on the floor for a minute before I picked it up. Just the words 'Go Now' scrawled on it. I knew it wasn't her handwriting. It wasn't neat enough for Naomi. Even if she was in a rush, she didn't write this way.
So, who was it?
There was something stuck to the back. I turned it over and found a key. Looked like a motorbike key, but it felt too good to be true. This could be another trap. Whoever wrote this note, whoever slid it under the door, wasn't Naomi. Did Dwight or Negan want me to think it was? Were they testing to see if I'd run again?
I thought about seeing Jesus, that new light in Naomi's eyes, and it all felt very flimsy. Like I'd imagined all of it because I wanted it to be true.
But what if it is her?
I stood up and opened the door. Nobody said anything, nobody yelled. But nobody had the first time, either. The corridor was empty, so I took my chances and slipped out. The one benefit of bare feet was how quiet I could be sneaking around the place. It meant when I heard some Saviors arguing through a door and about to come out into the corridor, I could duck into a different room before I got caught.
I paused and listened to them through the door. Didn't sound like they were coming my way, so I took a look around. The room was messy like someone was living in it. Clothes piled up, a few jars of food. I grabbed a jar of peanut butter and started eating right out of it. My empty stomach rumbled, it had been a long time since it had been full.
Then I grabbed one of the shirts that were lying around and changed out of the sweater they'd given me. If I was spotted, I didn't want anyone to immediately identify me as one of their prisoners.
I caught sight of some carved figures on a table, and it hit me. This was Dwight's room. These were his damn clothes. What were the chances? I didn't want anything to do with him. My hatred of that guy was almost enough for me to take them off again. I didn't want to be like him, look like him.
Fuck you, Dwight.
I pulled one of his checked shirts over the Tshirt and ate some more of his food, waiting for the noise in the hall to die down. The note hadn't said anything about where to go. It had just told me to go. The bike key was the only real clue. If this was Naomi's doing, I had to hope she'd be waiting out there for me.
The voices in the hall faded and died out. I stood up, grabbed Dwight's hat to hide my face, knocking his damn figurines to the ground as I went. I opened the door, checked the corridor, and started moving when I knew it was safe. I headed to where I knew they kept the bikes. Nothing was going to stop me from getting out now. Nothing.
I turned a few corners, snuck passed an open doorway where some Saviors were gambling on some shit. I grabbed an old pipe that was leaning up against the wall, and then I was out of there.
I really thought she'd be there. Just standing by the bikes waiting for me, and she'd call me a dumbass for being so worried about her. But the whole courtyard looked empty.
"Naomi!" I called as I ran over to the bikes, trying to work out which one the key was for. Maybe she was hiding or wasn't out yet. Either way, I wasn't going any further than this without her. No damn way.
"What the hell?" A Savior turned the corner.
No. Not again.
They tricked me again.
It was just one guy, but it felt like the whole world was closing in. Pure adrenaline shot through my veins. I thought Negan had only been pretending to leave with Carl and was about to step out with Naomi. Beat her again. Beat Carl, too.
No.
Fuck.
No.
This can't happen again.
The Savior was trying to say something to me, but I couldn't hear it over the roar of blood pounding in my ears. What if she had been hiding out here? What if this guy had got her? I hit him with the pipe. He dropped to the ground, but I kept going. To make sure. I expected to hear Negan's damn whistle again. For him to come sauntering out with Naomi and tell me this had all been part of his plan.
I can't keep living like this.
Where the hell was she?
I looked down and saw Rick's python sticking out of the guys pocket. I took it. Took his walkie too, in case anything came over the radio about them catching Naomi.
"Daryl?" a voice whispered, but it still made me jump. It wasn't hers. I turned towards it, pipe raised, and Mia slipped out of hiding.
"Mia," I said. Relief almost knocked me backward. She ran toward me, and I scooped her up in a big hug that lifted her off her feet. I didn't even think about it, I was just so happy to see her and hug her after all this time. "You okay? Were you hiding out here this whole time?"
"Yeah," she said, as I set her back down on her feet again. "Naomi told me to wait out here for you, but I saw Joey coming, so I stayed where I was, and then… well…"
She looked down at the bloody mess that used to be Joey.
Shit. She shouldn't have seen that.
"We gotta go," I said, shifting her focus away from it. "Where's your sister?"
I looked at the space behind her like Naomi was about to step out from there too.
"They could only get one bike key," Mia said. "She and Sherry are getting out on foot, with Jesus. Naomi said she will meet us at the Hilltop. She said you'd know where that was."
"Nah," I said. Leaving without Naomi didn't feel right at all. "We'll get her. We'll find her another key."
I started moving back toward the building.
"No," I felt Mia's hand on my arm and looked down at her, she was both defiant and terrified. "Naomi told me I couldn't let you do that. She said we had to go right away."
Goddamn it, Naomi.
Of course, she'd known I wouldn't want to. Of course, she'd prepared Mia for that. Trying to argue with someone who knows you inside out when they're not even there, is maddening. Mia took another nervous step towards me.
"She made me promise I wouldn't let you go back in," Mia said. She looked fearfully around us like she was just waiting for us to get caught, reminding me that the clock was against us. The longer we remained here, the more likely it was someone else would stumble across us. Or they'd notice I wasn't where I was meant to be. "She'll be at the Hilltop. We have to go."
She was so determined, stubborn. Something else she'd got from her sister. Naomi had trusted me to get Mia out, I couldn't let her down. I couldn't let my damn hot-headedness be the reason that Mia and I didn't escape. I turned back to the bikes, found the one I had the key to, and rolled it out.
"Alright," I said to her, "C'mon."
Mia climbed up on the back, and I worried that she didn't have a helmet. I told her to hold on tight as she could and didn't start the bike until I knew she was. We sped out of there. Faster than was safe, but I didn't slow until I put enough distance between us and that place.
We didn't speak until we got in sight of the Hilltop's walls.
"You okay back there?" I yelled back to her.
"Yeah," she called back.
"That's the Hilltop," I told her. "We're almost there."
She didn't say anything else, but I felt her fingers dig in a little tighter.
I expected an argument when we got to the gates like there had been the first time we'd come. Without Jesus, I wasn't sure how I'd negotiate with Gregory to let us in. To my surprise, the gates opened up when we got close, and I could ride right through. I stopped just inside, and they shut behind me.
"Daryl!" someone called over as Mia slid down from the back of the bike. I nudged the kickstand down with my foot and let the bike rest as I looked around.
"Maggie!" I yelled as she ran toward me from the house. She looked a damn sight better than she had in the clearing. No longer pale and sweaty, enough energy to close the gap between us and give me a huge hug. And right behind her, begging her to slow down, was Glenn.
"You okay?" I asked them both when Maggie let me go. I pulled Glenn into a hug, too. "Once they put us in those vans, I couldn't… we couldn't…"
"We're okay," he assured me. I looked over his shoulder at Maggie, who nodded too, and then I let Glenn go.
"And the baby?" I asked her. "It's all…?"
"All good," she said with a big smile and put one hand on her stomach. Glenn put an arm around her shoulders.
"Maggie and the baby are doing great," he said. "I just wish she'd slow down a little."
Maggie rolled her eyes and ignored him. "How are you, Daryl? Are you okay? There's a medical trailer-"
"I'm fine," I interrupted her. I had a few scrapes and bruises, but nothing worth bothering a doctor about. Turning to where Mia was trying her best to hide behind me, I said, "This is Mia."
"Naomi's sister?" Maggie asked, looking from me to her and back again. I nodded. "You found her?"
Mia stuck out her hand to shake with Maggie and Glenn as they introduced themselves, all formal like her sister would've done. My heart ached.
Hurry up, Naomi.
"Naomi…" Glenn hesitated. "Is she okay?"
"She's fine," I told him quickly. Didn't want Mia ever thinking otherwise. "She got out with Jesus."
"She's meeting us here," Mia said, without any doubt that it would happen.
"They'll both be back here soon," I backed her up. "It'll take them a few hours to walk if they don't find a car, they might not be here until sunset."
"Well," Maggie said brightly like she was trying to keep us both from worrying. "Let's show you around while we wait for her, huh?"
Mia nodded and followed Maggie toward one of the animal pens, telling her all about the pigs and cows they had. Mia listened carefully, asked a few questions about farming and the way things worked at Hilltop. I felt a weird amount of pride at how smart she was, even though it was nothing to do with me.
"Just you two here?" I asked Glenn.
"And Sasha," he said, and his eyes grew sad. "Abraham's body is…I can show you later."
I nodded.
"Sasha okay?"
Glenn shook his head, and I didn't ask anymore. It was hard to imagine the kind of pain she must be in.
Mia's wide eyes took in all of Hilltop. She smiled and said hello to people, but something about her seemed to shrink the longer we were here. That initial confidence and curiosity wavered. She didn't come inside the trailer when Maggie and Glenn invited us in for dinner, she just sat down on the step outside while Glenn cooked for us. I stood at the doorway, keeping an eye on her.
"You okay out here?" I asked her.
"Yeah," she said, not taking her eyes off the gates. The light was starting to fade, the sun would set soon. "I'm just waiting."
"Mind if I wait with ya?" I asked. She shook her head, and I sat down beside her.
"You want some food?" Maggie asked us. "We've got food."
Mia looked up at Maggie. "Can we wait until my sister gets here?"
"Sure," Maggie smiled. "We'll save her a plate."
Mia nodded and turned back around to watch the gates. Time dragged on, the light gradually fading. If Naomi didn't make it back today, if it took longer than I thought or they got held up on the road and had to hole up somewhere overnight, I wondered how I'd have that conversation with Mia. Or how either of us could sleep knowing that she wasn't back yet.
This is bullshit.
I glanced up at the sky and tried to guess how many hours of daylight were left. My feet and legs were restless. I was only going to give it a few minutes before I got my bike and went back out looking for them. But then Mia leaped to her feet, pointed at where the gates were opening up.
Finally.
Thank God.
Mia started running, and I took off after her. The gates rolled in, and I could see Jesus standing on the other side. I searched the space around him, but the opening gates blocked my sightline. I couldn't believe I was going to get to hold her again, without any fear. Without Negan stopping it.
Me. Naomi. Mia. Safe, finally.
Sherry came into view just behind him. I couldn't stand it any longer.
"Naomi!" I yelled for her, my feet pounding the ground. And then Mia stopped dead in her tracks. Sherry and Jesus walked through the gates, and they started slowly closing behind them.
Just them.
I could tell by their faces that something had gone wrong. It was like my veins caught fire.
No.
I kept running, kept looking at the closing gap. I yelled Naomi's name again like that would undo the fact she wasn't here, and if I just yelled loud enough, she'd come running. I needed to see her. And she always came when I needed her. Always.
"Hey, open them gates!" I yelled up at the guards when I reached them. They didn't move. Nobody moved. "Hey! Open them up! There's someone else coming."
"Daryl-" Sherry started to say. She was looking at me the same way folks looked at me after Merle died. Like they thought they could understand even a fraction of what I was feeling. She stopped trying to talk, covered her mouth with her hand like she was trying to stop herself from crying, and it made me mad as shit. This was on her.
"Where is she?" I asked, fighting to keep my voice level. Sherry didn't say anything, just shook her head.
"Daryl," Jesus said quietly. "It's just us. She's not coming."
"No," I said as if that could do shit to change the facts. As if just refusing to believe it would mean it wasn't true anymore. They blurred in front of me as I blinked back tears. "No."
And then I felt a hand in mine. Small. Mia's. I looked down at her.
"Where is she?" she asked me. I didn't have an answer for her. I looked back at Sherry and Jesus.
"Answer her," I told them. Sherry took a deep breath.
"Simon got her," she said. "He… took her away. Locked her up again."
No.
No, no, no.
"And you left her there?" I yelled. She flinched like she thought I was about to hit her. I could've. I wanted to. "Ain't you the one with the damn key?"
"Simon had it," Sherry's voice shook. I couldn't breathe. My throat felt like it was closing up, choking the life outta me. They'd left her there. They'd fucking left her.
"He was about to catch all of us," Jesus said. "Sherry was getting the key to your door, and he would've found all three of us she hadn't…"
"Nah," I said to nobody in particular. I didn't want to hear any more. Didn't want to listen to him credit her for saving them when she should've been saving herself. Sherry had been there by choice; they didn't even know Jesus had been in that truck. What right did they have to make it out without her? "I gotta go."
I started to walk back to my bike.
"Daryl, no!" Sherry ran to catch up with me. "You can't go back there."
"If you're coming, grab a gun," I told her. "If not, get the hell out of my way."
"They'll know you're gone by now," Jesus said, trying to get between me and the bike. "Going back there now? It's a suicide mission."
I don't care.
I ignored them both and kept walking. Sherry grabbed my arm and pulled hard, bringing me to a temporary stop. I couldn't look at her, I knew if I did, I'd smack her in her goddamn face.
"Negan will be back by now," she said. "He'll know what's happened. Naomi… she's probably-"
"Nah," I cut across her. I knew what she'd been about to say. Naomi's probably dead already. I couldn't hear it. "Fuck all y'all, I'm going to get her."
I pulled myself away from her and kept walking, heard someone start to run after me, and I turned to tell Sherry or Jesus or whoever it was to fuck off. But, Mia was the one looking back at me. She was crying but trying not to. I'd been too wrapped up in my own pain to notice hers.
"I'm coming with you," she said.
"No." It was dangerous, out of the question.
"Yes!"
"Mia, no!" I said. I turned away from her again. "Stay here."
"Why?"
Because it's a goddamn suicide mission.
"Because I damn told you to, that's why," I grabbed my bike and got on it.
"That's not an answer."
"Mia!"
"She's my sister!" Mia yelled. "Naomi told me I had to stick with you. She told me that I had to stay with you no matter what because you would keep me safe. So, if you're going, I'm coming too."
She sat up behind me on the bike, but I didn't move. Not to start it, not to get her off it. My feet stayed stuck to the ground, my hands on the handlebars like I was about to go. Just ride over to the Sanctuary and get Naomi or die trying to blow the place to hell if she was dead already.
But I couldn't.
I had Mia now.
Naomi had trusted me with her life. Might've been the last thing she'd ever done. I couldn't just throw that away. Sherry was right, they'd know I was gone by now, and they'd be looking for me. I didn't care if I never came back from this, but where would that leave Mia? In an unfamiliar place with people she didn't know? Unprotected. Alone.
"Daryl," Jesus stood in front of my bike. "We can work this out. If she's still alive, we can get a plan together. You run in there now, and we'll lose both of you. That means they win."
I still didn't want to move. It felt like giving up on someone who'd never once given up on me. The world was too loud. People yelling at me to stop, every thought in my head screaming at me to go on. But it didn't matter how I felt. What mattered was Mia.
"Get off," I told her. She looked panicked.
"No! I'm-"
"We ain't going," I said. "I ain't going. Jesus is right, they'll be expecting us. We need more guns, more people. We gotta get her out safe."
Mia looked away from me. She nodded, but these big tears were falling thick and fast from her eyes, and she couldn't stop them. I could see her trying to. Trying to be brave. She got off the bike and walked away without another word. I took a deep breath. My feet felt like lead, but I got off the bike and ran after her.
"Mia," I caught her by the shoulder. "I'm going to get her back, Mia. I swear to you, I will. I will bring her back from that place."
"I'm gonna help," she said. There was such defiance burning in her eyes that I had to look away from her for a moment. It was too much like how Naomi looked when she was mad. I didn't have the heart to say no. Not yet. That was a fight for another day, we'd lost too much already.
I reached out for her but didn't hug her. Didn't know what to do. When she'd cried, as a baby, I'd always known what face to pull to make her laugh again. But how did I help her now? There was no quick fix for this. "I'll get her back. She ain't gone. I'll get her back."
I said it for me just as much as her. Maybe even more so. I knew this could be Naomi's last night on Earth, and it killed me that I wasn't there fighting for her the way she'd always fought for me. If I let myself think she was dead, I knew I wouldn't be able to go on or take care of Mia. My heart was shattered, my lungs filled with shards of glass that cut me deeper with every breath. Drowning me in blood and pain.
I'll get you back, Naomi. I'll get you back.