More Than This

by Graveyard Whispers

Naomi Payton was Daryl Dixon's childhood best friend. In truth, they were each others only friend. But sometimes growing up means growing apart and when Naomi's ambitions and Daryl's loyalty to his brother drive a wedge between them, will the world falling apart be enough to bring them together again? Hell, will they even find each other again?

39. You Just Got A Good Story

Naomi

I don't know how Daryl stomached this.

The sun had been beating down on me for hours, and it wasn't even midday yet. My head pounded. I couldn't remember the last time I'd had something to drink.

The heat made the smell from all of those dead assholes so much worse, too. They lunged at me with their rotting hands, their putrid jaws snapping at the air. I ducked out of their way, pushed them back onto the spikes that had been lined up around the Sanctuary walls where they'd keep reaching for me. It went against everything I learned not to take them out with a headshot. As time wore on, it got harder. Too many of the spikes were taken up by the dead and finding one that was clear meant having to herd them in specific directions. Letting them get close enough to follow me but not so close they'd get me. It was hard, repetitive.

And I was so fucking tired.

I'd been hauling my sweat-drenched body from one end of the Sanctuary to the other since sunrise. Exactly the same as I had the day before, and the day before that too. My muscles ached with fatigue, and I felt sick. I couldn't tell if it was because of the smell or because it had been more than a day since I'd been allowed anything to eat, and my empty stomach was turning on itself. I was getting slow. Exhaustion meant I was dragging my weary feet across the ground like I was one of the dead myself.

Dwight watched from the other side of the fence. If I collapsed, I wondered if he'd do anything or just let me die. Nobody knew about our temporary and uncertain alliance. If I died, he'd lose nothing. He could go back to being Negan's lapdog without anyone knowing what he'd agreed with me.

That was assuming he'd even meant what he'd said. It had been days, and there was still no weapon in my hand.

And here I am behaving myself like an idiot so that he doesn't get in trouble.

I think I'd have thrown up if my stomach hadn't been so damn empty. My hand shook as I raised it to wipe the sweat off my brow.

"Hey," Dwight yelled over. I turned and looked at him. He beckoned me over with a nod, and I dragged myself to the fence. My feet were still bare, and they'd been bleeding for a while, but it had reached a point that I couldn't feel anything anymore. Dwight opened up the gate and grabbed me by the back of the sweater they made me wear in the blistering heat. He wasn't holding too hard. Felt like he was doing it to keep up appearances, and I could've pulled myself free if I really wanted to. But maybe feeling like that was what stopped me from doing it.

"What you doing there, Dwight?" Simon asked as Dwight marched me toward the side door.

"Bathroom break," Dwight said shortly. When Simon looked like he was about to challenge it, Dwight shrugged like he didn't care either way and said, "Negan allowed it, but…"

"Nah, go ahead," Simon said. Then he begrudgingly added, "She's got more points than the rest of them anyway."

Damn right, I do, you mustached prick.

Dwight nodded and gave me a hard shove toward the open door. It was so unexpected, and I was exhausted from working the fence over the last few days that it made me stumble. Dwight's hand tugged the back of my sweatshirt again, but this time it felt me like he was trying to stop me from falling on my face. The door shut behind us. The corridor in the Sanctuary felt cool in comparison to the heat we were coming in from. It was almost a relief to be back in the building.

Never thought I'd feel that.

I had no idea where Dwight was taking me or what his plan was, and I was too tired to take a guess. We wound up back in his room. Dwight checked there was nobody around and then opened the door to let me in.

It was messy, full of stuff that had been carelessly littered around the place. The only things Dwight seemed to take any pride in were a collection of carved wooden figurines set up on a table. They seemed very out of place in a room filled with what was otherwise practical but uncared for shit.

There was a sink in the far corner. Dwight was running the tap. He shut it off and handed me a full glass of water. I drank it all without taking a breath and felt my headache start to subside.

"You hungry?" he asked, and my stomach rumbled at the mere mention of food. "Don't remember when I was last allowed to give you something."

"Uh, yeah," I said, noticing that he looked a little guilty about it. "I am."

Dwight nodded and made his way over to a stack of shelves, where a few jars and tins of food were lazily stacked up.

"Someone ate most of it," he said apologetically, handing over a jar of peanut butter and spoon. "But here, take this while I get you something else."

I was in no position to complain. I scraped as much of the peanut butter out of the jar as I could while Dwight emptied a tin of baked beans into a bowl and stuck them in a microwave. He needn't have bothered; I'd have eaten them cold.

"Thanks," I said, after a few mouthfuls. The microwave hummed in the background, and my mouth felt sticky with peanut butter.

"It's okay," Dwight said, perching on the armrest of a nearby armchair. "I know how much that job can take out of you."

I nodded. Dwight looked down at his feet. There was tension in his shoulders that made me think he hadn't just brought me here to give me some much-needed food. Something was worrying him. I took a deep breath and asked, "What's up?"

In the silence that was left hanging there, the microwave pinged. Dwight stood up and opened it. The bowl was hot to the touch when he handed it over to me. I sat down on the armchair to eat. Dwight leaned on the countertop behind him, the microwave door still open.

"It's Eugene," he said eventually. My heart sank. I felt like I already knew where this was going. "Rumour is he's agreed to Negan's plan. A bullet factory will take him a while to get up and running, but once he has…"

Dwight trailed off. He didn't need to finish his sentence; I knew where it was going.

Once he has, your friends are dead.

Alexandria had no weapons to their name. How many would they be able to scavenge before Negan had enough bullets to make taking this place down impossible? I scowled at the ground and spooned food into my mouth while I tried not to let despair eat me up. My stomach was so unused to feeling full that it had started to hurt. Felt like it might burst.

"Do you think Eugene would really do that?" Dwight asked. "Betray your group like that?"

"I don't know," I said. The uncertainty of it made me feel queasy. I forced down another spoonful of food all the same. I didn't know when I'd next be allowed to eat. "He wasn't the bravest of us… at first. But it really seemed like he'd… can't you do something to find out? Check on him and see if it's legit or if he's just buying time for Rick and the others?"

"I can try," Dwight said. "But it would mean I couldn't look out for you. I know Simon's been dying to get back-"

"I can handle Simon," I assured him. "If you've got a way of keeping an eye on Eugene, you should do that. Or, get me a weapon."

"It ain't as easy as all that."

"Give me Daryl's crossbow, and I'll do it now," I said.

"We don't know where in the building Negan is right now," Dwight said, and he dropped his voice a little like he thought Negan might be hiding in his closet. "Anyone sees you marching around this place with a crossbow, and they'll shoot you dead."

"Next time we're all in the same room then," I said. "Just hand it over."

Dwight's jaw clenched in annoyance. "Depends who else is there. Too many of Negan's men and they'll shoot you before you can take from me."

His concerns kind of made sense. Negan couldn't see it coming, and it would have to be just the three of us for it to work. I was about to suggest that Dwight let me out while Negan was sleeping so I could do it then, but he changed the subject.

"Do you think Daryl and Rick are planning something?" Dwight asked. "Making a move against this place?"

"I don't know Rick as well as I know Daryl," I said, and it felt like a stupid thing to say because I didn't know anyone as well as I knew Daryl. Not even myself. "But from what I do know, Negan won't be able to keep him down for long. And as for Daryl… If Rick wasn't doing something, if there wasn't some kind of plan in place… I think he'd have tried to come back already."

A lump in my throat stopped me from swallowing any more food. I felt nothing but a deep well of gratitude that Daryl was surrounded by people who'd be able to stop him from doing something stupid.

Dwight nodded. "Guess we gotta act soon then, huh?"

"Yeah," I said.

"Okay," Dwight seemed settled on something. "I'm gonna keep an eye on Eugene for the next few days. If it seems like he's really joining Negan, we'll end this. We will. Now, eat up."

Dwight was getting restless. There was no telling how long we could be here before Simon got suspicious and came looking for us. He'd had it in for me since I'd almost killed him, and if we were absent too long, it would definitely be noticed.

"Okay," I said when there was truly nothing else I could scrape out of my bowl. "We can go back now. Thanks for the food."

Dwight looked half-apologetic and half-relieved that I was so compliant. I was complying with a lot these days. I often found myself wondering if I trusted Dwight or if I just didn't have much fight left in me now that Mia and Daryl were out of danger. Dwight checked that the corridor was clear before he led me back out of the building.

"I'll be back as soon as I know anything," he said quietly as he shoved me back through the other side of the fence to work for points again. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him talk to Simon and then disappear back through the door into the Sanctuary.

As the food he'd given me settled in my stomach, I found my strength starting to return. All of it got a tiny little bit better. I didn't even care that Simon was watching me from the safe side of the fence, jeering when I came too close. I ignored him, shut him out. I didn't pay attention to anything until someone started yelling. "Hey! Back up! Back up!"

I looked over at one of the guards who was beckoning at me, and everyone else who was working for points, to stop and come back inside the fence. I looked around for Dwight, but he was still gone. A distant rumble of engines approaching made the hairs on my arms stand on end. Judging by the reaction of the Saviors, it wasn't one of their trucks or anyone they were expecting.

Is this it?

Has Alexandria come to wage war already?

Part of me didn't want it to be them. Not unless they'd found some serious weapons and an army to bring down on this place. Hope filled me up anyway. I retreated back toward the fence, and through the gate, they'd opened for us. I kept my eyes fixed on the road. Two garbage trucks came into view.

Simon grabbed my shoulder.

"Didn't know you guys had a sanitation department," I said, enjoying how mad he looked.

"We don't," he snapped. "You know anything about this?"

"No."

Like I'd tell you if I did.

He let go of me and strode toward the fence. There was a tense silence around the Sanctuary; someone ran in to alert Negan. The garbage trucks came to a stop right by the gates. The engines shut off, and then one of the doors opened, a woman stepped out.

"You're trespassing," Simon said. His gun was raised and pointed directly at the woman, his finger lingered over the trigger. She didn't flinch. Didn't even really react to him. But she probably didn't know trigger-happy Simon was. More people emerged, pouring out of the garbage trucks like roaches. There were more of them than I thought there'd be, but I'd never imagined they'd be crammed in the back like that.

I knew it wasn't them, but I still found myself checking all of their faces for anyone I knew.

"You're trespassing," Simon said again, seemingly unnerved by the fact none of them had spoken. "You better have a good reason for being here."

"Here for Negan," the woman said. "We trade."

"You wanna trade with Negan?" Simon scoffed, sneering at their vehicles. "You got anything worth having?"

A small and wry smile crossed her face.

"Talk to Negan," she said. "No other."

Simons's smile faltered. The woman's did not. The people she was with stayed still and silent, surrounding her and sizing up the rest of us.

The Sanctuary doors were thrown open. Negan stood at the top of the steps, Lucille was back balancing on his leather-clad shoulder. He drank in the strangeness of the situation in front of him and took it all in his stride. "What the shit is all this?"

Simon looked over his shoulder at him as he made his way down the steps, "Says she'll only talk to you."

"Is that right?" Negan asked the stranger.

"Talk to Negan," she said again. "No other."

I saw the bemused look on his face, and then Negan looked over at me. "Oi! You know these garbage assholes?"

I shook my head. I didn't recognize a single face. The way she spoke was disjointed and odd, but it was nothing like the old-timey, almost Shakespearean prose that the King adopted. None of them wore the Kingdom's uniform either, and I didn't think there were even this many people residing at the Hilltop. I was as baffled as everyone else here.

Negan looked back at them. "Well? The hell do you people want?"

"We trade," the woman said.

"Trade what?" Negan asked. "Garbage? I got enough of that."

"Information," she said.

"Information?" Negan laughed. "And what would you want in exchange for this information, huh?"

"People."

"No can do," Negan shook his head firmly. "People are a resource. What the hell could you assholes possibly know that's worth that kinda trade? What night we're supposed to take the trash out?"

He laughed at his own lame joke. Some of his men, presumably the ones that were most afraid of him, laughed too. The woman's face didn't change.

"We talk," she said. "Then, you see."

"I don't think so," Negan said. "Not unless you can prove you've got something worth knowing."

"We know Rick Grimes."

Fuck.

How the hell did she know that name? My palms felt as clammy as the dead while my heart raced like a hummingbird's. Without thinking, I took a few steps closer to the fence. Negan's ears pricked up too. His smile changed from one of mild amusement to sheer delight. I felt sick again.

"Is that so?" Negan said.

"We talk," she said.

"Hell yeah, we can talk," Negan said. "Get those gates opened up."

His men scrambled to open the gates while he stood and watched, the smugness oozing off him was so strong I could almost smell it. When the gates were opened, the woman and a few of her people walked silently through. They didn't say a word to each other but moved in complete synchronicity.

Shit.

Who the hell are these Trashbags?

Negan welcomed them into the Sanctuary, walking them through the doors he'd just come out of. Simon continued his face-off with those left outside the gate.

Negan's negotiations lasted all of about fifteen minutes, but it was a tense fifteen minutes. The Saviors stood with their guns raised and trained on the strangers, while the strangers stood stock still and seemingly unarmed. Compared to the newcomers' quiet confidence, the tension of the Saviors made them like the weaker ones, even with all of their guns. I studied their faces again, looking for a single one that I recognized. I hoped against all the odds that this was somehow part of whatever Rick was planning. He could've sent them to feed Negan incorrect information, to lead them into some kind of trap. But there wasn't one face in the crowd that I recognized. If Rick was making some kind of play, surely he'd have sent along someone he trusted to make sure it all went down okay.

The doors opened again, and Negan strode out with the Trash Queen herself. He looked fucking delighted.

"Alright, show's over," Simon said. "Back to work."

He shoved me back out to face the dead as Negan showed the newcomers out. Their engines started running again, and the trucks drove away.

I felt tiny. Helpless.

How did these people know Rick? And what did they tell Negan?

I thought about running. Could I run back to Alexandria and warn them before Negan got there? Could I get them all out before his men and their guns showed up?

No.

But it was nice to dream.

I imagined running towards those gates. Whoever was on the lookout post would see me coming, they'd tell Daryl and Mia. And when the gates opened, they'd be on the other side waiting for me. I'd run to them. Hold them both so damn tight. And then we'd all get out of there — a mass migration of everyone in Alexandria. We'd pack up and leave Negan and the Saviors behind. Find someplace new and start over.

Maybe I should've run when Dwight was the only one watching me. If he was really on my side, perhaps he wouldn't have shot me. Maybe he'd have let me go. But, now that it was Simon, I knew he'd be looking for the first excuse to put a bullet in me.

Someone whistled. Like they were trying to call a dog. I recognized the whistle, and I knew it would be for me. I looked up.

"Working hard or hardly working, huh, Naomi?" Negan grinned at me through the fence. I couldn't even fake a smile. I wanted him to drop down dead right in front of me. "C'mon out of there for a while. You and I have got a lot to discuss."

Well, this is never good.

I didn't say anything. I just waited for the gate to open again so I could walk back into the Sanctuary grounds. Negan slung an arm around my shoulder like we were buddies. I flinched but said nothing as he steered me back into the building. He was worryingly upbeat. Whatever information the Trashbags had given him was clearly something he was pleased with.

"You know, you look like shit in those clothes," Negan told me. "And, holy hell, when was the last time you took a shower?"

"If you gotta problem with that, you can change it," I said. "You're the one choosing to treat prisoners like this."

"You're the one choosing to be my prisoner," he said like that was any kind of counterpoint.

"Like hell I am," I said, fighting hard not to roll my eyes. Negan enjoyed a certain amount of back-talk, but too much would earn you a beating. Walking the line between amusing him and pissing him off was something I was getting good at.

"Aren't you going to ask what that nice lady had to tell me about your friends?" Negan asked.

"Would you tell me if I did?"

"Why don't you ask and find out?" he said. I sighed. I hated playing Negan's little games but I did want to know. I was drowning in here, and any news from home was a breath of air.

"What did she say to you?" The moment I asked, his smile was enough to make me wish I hadn't.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" he said. I had to physically bite my tongue to stop myself from running my mouth. I was trying to avoid another beating, but I was mostly trying to avoid being flung in that solitary cell again. I couldn't help anyone if I was shut in there. Negan laughed again, "I'm only messing with ya. Sounds like your pal Rick is up to no good. Trying to rally support against me, which is a massive bummer because I thought we were making real progress, and now I'm going to have to teach him another lesson."

My heart sank. The small sliver of hope I'd had that these people had been sent by Rick to help him win this thing was getting slimmer and slimmer. Was Negan arrogant enough to fall for something like that?

"Why are you telling me this?" I asked. He had the lazy, amused smile of a playground bully.

"Who are you gonna tell?" he laughed. "You ain't getting out of here, darlin'. Not until I want you too."

He was right; I couldn't leave this place and warn them.

But Dwight could.

"Nah," Negan said. "The real reason I'm telling you is because I want you to know how serious this shit is getting. I don't want there to be a war, but it sounds like Rick's got other ideas, and I gotta protect my people."

"Okay," I said. "I still don't see what this has to do with me."

"Well, shit, what if I told you I just like talking to you?" he said. "You're smart, fun to wind up, put up a good fight."

"Then I'd say you should go make some friends, man," I said.

He laughed like we were joking with one another, and in his weird twisted brain, we were already friends. I shivered.

"Look, I just want you to start making smart and informed choices," he said. "I told you at the start of all this- you got choices. You chose to follow your boyfriend here. You chose to let him work for points out here instead of taking a pretty decent deal like Sherry and Dwight. You've always had choices, darlin'. And you've still got 'em. Even now."

"What choices do I have?" I asked. Here I was, stuck in clothes that weren't mine, following a man I despised down a corridor to God-knows-where.

"Well, now that Sherry's gone, I am down one wife," he said like he'd misplaced a spare pair of glasses. "We could get you cleaned up, get you back in a nice little dress, and it'll be like none of this nasty shit ever happened. I'll tell ya, they got a lot of nice shit up there… well, you know that. You've seen the place. You've seen the snacks."

I was extra glad Dwight had given me food, or the mention of snacks could've been enough to distract me into agreeing to something dumb.

"No, thanks," I said. I couldn't entertain the idea any longer than that. There was nothing to consider or think over. It was not a choice.

"Alright, fine," he said. "No hard feelings. You still got choices."

Doesn't feel like it.

Negan pushed open the door to a part of the Sanctuary I hadn't been in before. It smelled like burning metal. I could hear what sounded like something being hammered. And a raised voice from deep within the room. Yelling at workers to work harder and faster on some kind of time-sensitive project.

It was Eugene.

He turned at the sound of the door slamming shut behind us. Stopped talking the moment our eyes met. Something flickered in there that could've been guilt. Maybe that was wishful thinking. Maybe not. I expected him to look away from me, but he didn't.

Dwight was there too. He stepped out of one of the corners when he saw me come in. His eyes were wide and panicked like he thought I'd attacked Simon again and made my own way here. Then, he saw Negan was the one who'd brought me here, and he took a step back.

Help, I tried to tell him with my eyes. I need your help.

I didn't know how to get the message across to him that he needed to stop shadowing Eugene immediately. He needed to get to Alexandria.

Negan walked over to Eugene and slapped a hand on his back. Eugene didn't flinch. This was a stark contrast to the way I'd seen him just a few days before. Negan looked at him, "Who are you?"

"I'm Negan," Eugene's answer was instant and decisive. I shook my head in disbelief. Couldn't believe what I was hearing. How could he have turned his back on our community so quickly?

"Now, see, Eugene here gets it," Negan said. "He has been making a lot of smart choices, and I'm hoping he can help you do the same."

"It's the right thing to do, Naomi," Eugene said gently.

"No, it ain't." I took a step back, away from them both. Negan sighed.

"So stubborn," he said like I was a kid refusing to eat a damn vegetable. "You'd make a fine soldier, y' know. You can clearly fight. You're loyal as hell. You got guts."

"No, thanks," I said. Again, it was not a choice.

Negan sighed. "Won't even consider it, huh?"

"It ain't you that I'm loyal to," I reminded him. "And having a soldier that's fighting for the other side ain't in your interests either."

"It doesn't have to be like that," he said. "You can be just like Eugene. You can join my side, be loyal to me, and we'll forget all of this past unpleasantness."

He said it like the past unpleasantness was my fault. Like I was the one who'd forced him to bash in Abraham's skull, to take Daryl and me as prisoners, to loot people's possessions in Alexandria, to murder Spencer and Olivia. Something in me snapped.

"That ain't loyalty," I said. "That's just sucking up to the biggest bully in the schoolyard to save yourself from getting hit. Folks that can be so easily bought ain't loyal to anyone but themselves. It's just a coward's way of saving their own skin. When the next big asshole comes along and beats you, they'll switch sides and sell you down the river the second you look weak."

I glared at Eugene, who looked away from me then. Negan took a step toward me, folded his arms across his chest. "And you think Rick's gonna be the next big asshole?"

"I hope so," I said. "But if it ain't Rick, it'll be someone else. You can't build an empire on fear and expect it to last. People are stronger than that. Smarter, too."

"Yeah?" he said. All of this reminded me of something Daryl had said back at the start of all this, back when Negan was just a name, and we thought the Saviors only had one outpost.

"Spreading fear around the communities by butchering one of 'em… You just got a good story," I said. And it felt like Daryl was in the room with me. Like we were standing shoulder to shoulder. I raised my chin and looked Negan in the eye. "But the boogeyman, he ain't shit. Sooner or later, people are going to see that. And there's a hell of a lot more of them than there is of you."

He stepped up real close to me. He was pissed off as hell, but I liked that so much more than when he was happy about something.

"There's a war coming, Naomi," he said. So close to me that his horrible breath moved the hair on my face. "Now, I don't want there to be, but your friend Rick isn't leaving me with much choice. I'm hoping I can end it with as few casualties as possible, but you will have to choose a side. Sooner rather than later."

"Have I not been clear from the start?" I said. "If you need me to repeat it, to get it through your thick skull, I will. I ain't on your side. I ain't gonna be. Not now, not ever."

"I really tried to let you live," he said. "I want you to remember that. When you're dying a painful and pointless death, I want you to remember that I gave you every chance to change that. I want you to remember that I didn't want things to play out this way."

"Yeah?" I refused to lean away from him, refused to flinch, although my skin felt like it was crawling with a thousand invisible insects. "Well, when you're dying a painful and pointless death, I'm gonna be there. Reminding you, it's exactly what I want."

Daryl

I woke up before the sun rose. I hadn't slept for long, but it had been deep and dreamless. A blessing and a curse. No nightmares. But dreams were the only way I saw Naomi's face anymore.

I got up and sat outside. When you're on a life or death kind of deadline, you can feel every passing second. But it's like nobody around you is aware of it. They just keep going about their day like there's no reason to rush. No urgency. I watched people milling around the Kingdom as the sun came up. People got up to start farming. A line of kids rushed off to some makeshift school. People shared breakfasts. Soldiers began to train. Joking and laughing with one another like Hell on Earth wasn't just down the road.

These people don't know.

They don't know whose thumb they're under.

This whole place was a lie. People acting like they had it good when half of the shit they were farming wouldn't end up feeding their own people. Like they were happy when if they made one wrong move, Negan would destroy that. Tear apart this whole place if he wanted to.

I wanted to tell them all. To yell it. Stand up and scream it from the top of my lungs, so loud it would shatter this damn bubble they'd built around themselves. Spread it all around the Kingdom until nobody could hide from it anymore. Pull back the curtain that their King was hiding the truth behind and get them all to fight, no matter what their leader said, just like the people at the Hilltop had.

But I didn't.

Because of Mia.

This illusion stopped the Saviors from entering the Kingdom. And as long as it stayed in place, that would keep her safe while I was out fighting.

When the others woke up, Bryce took us to get some food. Barely tasted it. Nothing felt real. My mind was on what was coming next, what the King's answer would be, and if it would've been worth wasting a whole night here.

The King gathered us outside his usual building. He looked around at his people, a small smile on his face as he took in how peaceful it was. Compared to what I'd just come from, it did look like a damn utopia. But he was one of the only people who knew this wasn't real, and that one visit from the Saviors, one wrong word to Negan, could make it all go up in smoke.

"This is life here," he said. "And I wanted more of this. I wanted to expand, to create more places like this. Men and women lost their limbs. Children lost their parents because I sent them into battle against the Wasted when I did not need to."

"This is different," Rick said.

"It isn't."

"It is. The dead don't rule us," Rick said. "The world doesn't look like this outside your walls. People don't have it as good. Some people don't have it good at all."

"I have to think about my own people," the King said like his hands were tied in this.

Selfish prick.

You and your people only have this as long as someone else allows you to.

"You call yourself a damn King," I snapped. "You sure as hell don't act like one."

"All of this came at a cost. It was lives, arms, legs," Ezekiel said. "The peace we have with the Saviors is uneasy, but it is peace. I have to hold on to it. I have to try."

"But…" Mia's voice was small but strong. "My sister… she needs your help."

The King's eyes got sad, like this was some tragedy that was out of his hands. It did nothing but make me angry. "I am very sorry to hear of the plight of dear Naomi-"

"Ain't gotta be sorry if you do something about it," I said. "You got the men. You got the weapons. She stood in front of you in that damn theatre, and you told her you wanted our communities to come together. Make some kinda deal. Help each other out. Now you got the chance to do that, you're turning your back on her. You ain't a King. You just got a good story."

Rick had been looking at me the whole time, this warning in his eyes like I was turning a passive ally into an active enemy. But to me, there's no such thing as a passive ally. You were either fighting with us. Or you were on the other team.

"Please," Mia said when the King continued to say nothing. "Please help us."

"I cannot grant you the aid you desire, my child, but the King is sympathetic to your plight," he said. "I offer you and Daryl asylum, for as long as you require it. You will be safe here. The Saviors do not set foot inside our walls."

He smiled at me like I was supposed to be grateful or some shit.

"How long do you think that's gonna last?" I said, and I turned on my heels, making my way toward the gate. We'd wasted enough damn time here. The others scrambled to catch up, but I didn't stop, didn't slow down. I was so blinded by my anger that I forgot for a moment that I wanted to leave Mia here.

"Alright, open it up," I called to the people by the gates. "We're going."

"You're not," Rick told me. The others filed past me, all sympathetic smiles like they'd known this was coming.

"I ain't staying here."

"You have to," he shook his head. He had that same, exasperated look in his eyes that he'd had the night before. "It's the smartest play, you know it is. Try to talk to Ezekiel. Or stare him into submission. Whatever it takes. We'll be back soon."

"I can't-"

"You got your reason to fight," Rick said. "Try and help Ezekiel find his."

He walked away from me. I didn't want to stay put, but my feet didn't move. Mia came to stand beside me as the gates closed. Rick turned and looked back at me, apologetic but firm. His meaning was clear. He wanted me to stay.

"What do we do?" Mia asked.

"We stay here," I said. The gates closed and shut us off from the others. She looked at me. "For now. If the King don't see sense, I can still do this. There's gotta be others here who see this deal with the Saviors for what it is."

"Bryce will help us," Mia said. "Maybe he can talk to the King."

"Yeah," I said. "And that other guard… Richard, he was ready to fight with us. Maybe if we can get enough of his men on board, the King will see sense."

"I'll talk to Bryce," Mia said. "You handle Richard."

She turned to me and stuck out her hand like we were making some kind of business deal. There was a determined little frown on her face. Mia was a girl on a mission.

"Deal," I said. We shook on it and went our separate ways.

Richard wasn't hard to convince. Barely had to get any words out before the relief crossed his face, and he told me he already had a plan to get the King to change his mind. We left the Kingdom through a back route. Not the main gates. He was careful to keep us out of the way of anyone who might see us. It was easier than I thought it would be. For such a busy place, there were lots of secret ways in and out. Probably what made it so easy for Ezekiel to keep his dealings with the Saviors a secret.

Unfortunately for him, it also made it easier for Richard to keep a stash of weapons holed up in some RV. I wondered if the King even knew he had them.

"We need something to move Ezekiel," Richard said, handing me a gun. "This is it. Alexandria, the Hilltop, and the Kingdom hitting first, hitting hard. Then we wipe the Saviors from the Earth. Keeping people - dozens and dozens and dozens of good people… keeping them safe."

I wanted to tell him he was preaching to the converted, but after the blow of the King turning his back on us, it was just nice to hear someone talking some damn sense.

When he was done mixing up a batch of Molotov cocktails, we walked to a road, and Richard headed toward a line of long-abandoned trucks. We stopped behind them, hidden from view of the road. He'd moved so fast and had it all ready to go. How long had he been planning this before we'd showed up?

"They ride this road," he said. "If we see cars, it's the Saviors. They've been coming in packs of two or three lately. That's why I need you. I can't take them out alone. We're going to hit them with the guns first, then the Molotovs. Then back to the guns until they're dead."

"Why the fire?" I asked. The Molotov cocktails were cool and all, but it seemed like overkill, given that we were taking out a few of them on the road. Could've just used the guns for that. When he'd been mixing them, I'd hoped it had been to use against the Sanctuary itself. If they were strong enough, I could blow a hole in the wall and get to Naomi.

"Needs to look bad," he said. "The Saviors who discover what's left… we want them to be angry. I left a trail from here to the weapons cache I planted, and then to the cabin of someone Ezekiel cares about."

"Who's that?" I asked, thinking that surely everyone Ezekiel cared about was in the Kingdom.

"It's just some longer he met," Richard said with a careless shrug. "Sometimes he brings food that way."

Dim alarm bells started ringing. "Why don't they live in the Kingdom?"

"I don't know," Richard said. "She lives out there, she'll die out there."

Shit.

She?

"It's a woman?"

"What does that matter?" he asked. "She got more balls than you and me."

There's only one person that could be.

I prayed I was wrong. That there was some other lone person who'd approached the King so that Richard and I could keep going with his plan. But I knew, deep down, that this was the end of it.

"She's gonna die either way," Richard continued when he saw me back down. "When the Saviors come and find their buddies dead, if they know their elbow from their asshole and can follow an obvious spoor, they're gonna go to the weapons cache and then to the cabin. They're gonna attack this woman."

"What's her name?"

"Maybe they kill her, maybe they don't," he said, not answering my damn question. "But it's gonna show Ezekiel what he needs to do."

"Her name," I repeated. "What is it?"

"She's tough. Maybe she'll live."

She fucking better.

"Say her damn name!"

There was a silence and a heavy sigh. An answer I both did and didn't want to hear.

"Carol," Richard said eventually. My heart turned to ice. Heavy in my chest, it sank down again. All of the hope I'd built up in this plan and in him was gone. "I hoped you didn't know her. But I didn't think you'd care, 'cause you know what needs to happen."

No.

Not this.

It was strange to feel such a strong mix of shit. I was happy that Carol was okay, that Ezekiel was looking out for her, and I'd found her again. I was relieved that she hadn't strayed too far from the Kingdom after everything Naomi had risked to get her here. But it was crushing to know that everything we'd worked for this afternoon was for nothing, and we'd need a new plan.

I turned away from him, started to gather up all of the shit we'd brought with us.

"Look, this… this is how-" Richard tried to get me to stop. "This is how this could happen. This is how we could get rid of the Saviors. How we can all have a future. She's living out there on her own, just waiting to die."

"Nah."

I knew that wasn't Carol. He could think of her as some suicidal maniac all he wanted, but I refused to believe that it was true, and that was why she'd gone off on her own. If Naomi thought Carol wished to die, she wouldn't have left her here. She'd have stayed by her side until Carol was okay again.

"If we don't do anything, a hell of a lot more people are gonna die," Richard said. "People who wanna live."

Carol wants to live too, asshole.

"You stay the hell away from Carol, you hear me?"

Before I could say anything else, there was the sound of cars in the distance. Getting louder. Saviors. It had to be if what Richard had said about this road was true.

"It's them," Richard said. There was a desperate, pleading look in his eyes. "Look, we can wait for things to go bad, we can lose people… or we can do the hard thing… and choose our fate for ourselves."

"No."

"Sorry," he said and turned to raise his gun at the oncoming cars. I dropped my gun and grabbed him by the back of his jacket, throwing him to the ground. His back slammed against it, pushing the wind out of him and giving me a chance to get on top of him, pinning him there. He looked up at me as the engines got louder, that dazed, winded look starting to fade. He was about to fight back. I punched him a couple of times before he could. I got a few good hits in before he managed to get one back and knock me off. I scrambled for a weapon. Richard did the same, and then we were both on our feet, pointing them at each other.

The cars passed us by. Neither of us took a shot at the other. It would have given up our hiding place.

"There'll be more," Richard said. "Or, they're gonna ride back this way later. But we're running out of time. If you and your people want to move against the Saviors… you need to do it soon, and you need the Kingdom. What we have to do requires sacrifice one way or another. Guys like us… we've already lost so much."

Ain't no way in hell I'm losing anyone else.

"You don't know me."

"I know that Carol, living on her own like that… she might as well be dead right now," he said. He was wrong. He had to be.

"She gets hurt, she dies, if she catches a fever, if she's taken out by a Walker…" I said. "If she gets hit by lightning - anything - anything happens to her, I'll kill you."

I stared at him until he lowered his gun, so he knew how damn serious I was.

"I would die for the Kingdom," he said.

Sounds good to me.

"Why don't you?" I asked before I walked away from him.

Now that I knew she was out here, and roughly where she was, it didn't take me long to find Carol's house. The trail Richard had set for the Saviors was easy to follow. Led right to a row of houses. And then I just had to wait until I saw movement in one of them.

On the doorstep, I hesitated. Naomi had brought her here for a reason. Carol wanted to come here for a reason. And neither of them had shared it with me.

She left.

I was used to people leaving. It never got easier. I felt that familiar echo of self-hatred, that gnawing feeling that the reason so many people in my life left was that I wasn't worth sticking around for. I almost turned and walked away again, but it had been so long since I'd seen Carol, and we'd all be through so much since then that I couldn't turn away either.

I knocked. Took a few minutes, but the door opened. She looked annoyed like she was about to yell at someone. And then she saw it was me.

She didn't cuss me out or tell me to go. Guilt and fear fought in her eyes, and then she drew me in for a hug. It was so good to see her again. A missing piece of our family had been found. For now.

"Okay," I patted her on the back so she'd let go of me. There were tears in her eyes and on her face, but she still tried to smile. Same old Carol.

"Did Naomi tell you I was here?" she asked. I shook my head. I hadn't expected Carol to bring her up so early, and I was already struggling not to tell her the truth.

"Jesus took us to the Kingdom. Morgan said you just left. I was out here. I saw you," I said, trying to keep any discussion of Naomi out of it. Carol nodded.

Everything Richard said about her wanting to die out here filled my head. I knew it couldn't be right. Even now, seeing how sad and broken she looked, I refused to believe it. But something was definitely wrong. For Carol to have walked away from us, from her family like this. She had to have a reason.

"Why'd you go?" I asked. I'd never had the guts to ask anyone that before. Merle had come in and out of my life; I'd never asked why. Our dad had disappeared off on benders for days at a time, and I'd never asked. I'd always thought, deep down, both of them would've stayed if I'd been different. If I'd been more like my dad. If I did all the dumb, destructive shit Merle wanted me to. Maybe they'd have stuck with me. But this was Carol, she wasn't selfish like either of them, and things didn't have to be like they were. She'd be honest with me. She wouldn't try and hurt me.

Carol shook her head, unable to talk for a moment. "I had to."

It was all she could say for now, but there was nothing in the way she said it or the way she looked at me that made it feel like it was because of me. Or that I could've done anything to stop it. She stepped back and invited me into the house with a nod.

Inside was cozy and quiet. She had books and a fireplace. Enough food to last her for more than a week. Carol closed the door behind me.

"You hungry?" she asked. "I was just about to make something. They give me more food here than I know what to do with."

She gestured to a crate of fresh supplies; fruits and vegetables, some cuts of meat wrapped up in cloth. There was also a dish with something in it that looked like a cobbler. I recognized it from the food they'd served in the Kingdom.

"I could eat," I said. Truth was, I was pretty hungry. I'd had breakfast before everyone else because I'd gotten up so early, and the sun was starting to set now. I'd wasted so much of the day on Richard's dumb plan.

Carol lit the fire and emptied some of the cobbler into a pot, which she then put over the flames to heat up. I sat at the table. Neither of us spoke for a while. I didn't know what to say to her. I was happy to be near family again, but it was hard to hold the truth in. Carol had single-handedly gotten us all out of Terminus. In a fight against the Saviors, they wouldn't stand a chance against her. But how could I ask her to join us without knowing why she'd left in the first place?

The truth of everything that had happened balanced on my tongue. Carol stoked the fire and stared into the flames. Eventually, she spoke again.

"I couldn't lose anyone. I couldn't lose any of them. I couldn't lose you," Carol said. "I couldn't kill the Saviors… well, I could. I would. If they hurt any of our people - any more of them - it's what I would do. And there wouldn't be anything left of me after that."

I remembered the way she'd looked after that first fight with the Saviors. How tired and sad she'd been. Scared of herself. Of the things she was capable of.

I got it. Kind of.

"The Saviors, did they come?" she asked. And there it was. The question I'd been dreading most.

"Yeah."

I didn't know how much I could tell her, or how much I should lie.

"Did anyone get hurt? Is everybody okay? Did the Saviors…" Carol started to cry again, and I realized this worry had been eating away at her since she'd left us. She hadn't gone because she didn't care. "Is everybody back home okay? Daryl…"

"They came. We got them all," I lied. "Made a deal with the rest of them, like Ezekiel. Everyone's all right. Everyone's all right."

The lie didn't sit right, not with any part of me, not even when I repeated it. The truth burned me up inside, and it felt like a betrayal. Like I was betraying Naomi for Carol's sake.

This is what Naomi wanted, I had to keep reminding myself because I knew Naomi wouldn't see it the way I did. This is why she brought Carol here.

To her, it would be a bigger betrayal to let Carol know and to take her out of this little bubble she'd built for herself before she was ready. The moment I saw it, I got why Naomi had brought her here. She'd wanted to give Carol a way out that wasn't permanent. She'd wanted to make sure Carol could always come home to us.

I cleared my throat. I couldn't keep wallowing in this, or I'd undo the lie I just told. "We gonna eat or… or I got to be a King or something to get some food around here?"

"Shut up," Carol said, but she was smiling again. She turned her attention back to the food and took the pot out of the fire. She served the cobbler up into two bowls, and we ate in silence for a moment. I wondered if Ezekiel had dropped it off like Richard said he liked to do.

Maybe he's an alright King after all.

"Ezekiel," I looked at Carol out of the corner of my eye. "Is he okay?"

"Yeah," she said, and there was something in her smile that suggested she thought he was more than okay. "I think he is."

I nodded and went back to eating.

"You need a place to stay tonight?" Carol asked. "The sofa's not much, but it's… there if you want it."

It was tempting. It was nice to be there and shut out everything going on in the real world outside. But I'd been here long enough, and I had a difficult conversation with Mia ahead of me. Couldn't avoid that forever.

"Nah," I said. Carol looked surprised, and maybe a little hurt. "I can't. I told… I should get back."

"Back to what? You got some other friends here I don't know about?" she asked with a smile.

"No," I said, but I said it too fast, and her teasing fell flat. I should've laughed it off, joined in. Trouble was, I didn't feel much like laughing these days. Not sure I remembered how to. Or how it felt to find something funny.

"Daryl…" she frowned, knowing immediately that something was wrong. My stomach started to twist up with all of the secrets I was keeping from her. "What's happened?"

"Mia's here," I said. I could still tell her the good news, right? There was still room for that. No matter how it had happened, it was still worth celebrating that she was here. "I left her with someone in the Kingdom that she knows from way back, but… I should get back. Make sure she's alright."

I shrugged another apology that I couldn't stay any longer than this. It had been nice to be away from the fight for a while. I got why she'd come here.

"Mia?" Carol repeated; I could see her racking her brain for how she knew that name. I waited, I wasn't sure I could repeat Naomi's name without crying, and I didn't know how to remind Carol of who she was without saying it. Carol's eyebrows shot up. "Naomi's sister? You found her?"

"Yeah," I said, but I didn't say any more than that. I couldn't. Even when Carol broke out into this big smile, I couldn't tell her. Couldn't celebrate with her. Just sat in this terrible silence, the truth of what we'd been through eating away at my gut.

"Why the hell didn't Naomi come here with you? She knows she's welcome here, and I've been expecting her to visit. She took off before I could thank her for-" Carol stopped. Saw the look on my face. Some kinds of misery are impossible to hide, especially from people who know you too well.

"Nah. She ain't here," I said, and I looked away from Carol to hide more of the look she's already seen on my face. A horrible silence hung in the air. I hoped that would be the end of it, that Carol would assume Naomi had stayed in Alexandria, and Mia and I had come here alone. But Carol ain't dumb. She knew it would be years before Naomi would feel okay letting Mia out of her sight again. I'm sure she'd have been the same if we'd managed to get Sophia back.

"Where is she?" Carol asked. There was fear in her voice, but there was anger there too. Carol stood up, and I saw the warrior she was trying to keep hidden rise up within her. "Daryl. Tell me the truth."

"The Saviors took her," I said. Carol's fists clenched against the table.

"You said they didn't hurt anyone, that they didn't-"

"She's alive," I said quickly. "I think. I just gotta get her back is all."

I left out the rest of it. Abraham. Olivia. Spencer. The fact that they'd taken me too. I didn't tell her any of that.

"You need my help?" she asked. She asked it like she didn't want to but already knew I did. I desperately wanted to say yes, so that me and her could go and burn the place to the ground and get it all over with. But I didn't. She looked better than she had done before, but she still needed time to heal. Even I could see that.

"Nah," I said. "Rick and I are on it. We'll be fine. You stay here and look after yourself."

"Daryl, I can't-"

"If you wanna help," I said, standing up to clear the plates from the table. "Try and convince that King of yours to help Rick and me. I hear he's got a soft spot for ya."

"Oh, nonsense," Carol said, but even in the growing darkness, I thought I saw her blush a little. "If you need my help, Daryl-"

"Keep an eye on Mia for me," I said. "I'm heading out tomorrow, and she doesn't know a lot of people here. Try and convince the King to do the right thing. Other than that, I'm good. I got this. I'll have Naomi back in no time. Besides, if she finds out I disturbed you out here, she'll kill me when she gets out."

Carol hesitated like she wanted to argue with me. But there was a part of her that still didn't want to do any fighting. "If you change your mind. If things get bad…"

"Then I know where to find you," I finished for her. "I should get going now, though."

If I didn't leave soon, I knew I'd break down. I was glad Carol didn't stop me or protest when I moved toward the front door. She opened it for me. I gave her one last hug and then headed back to the Kingdom.

When I got back to Bryce's place, it was late, but he and Mia were waiting up for me. Bryce looked relieved when I walked in the door, like part of him had been worrying I'd gone off without saying goodbye to Mia. Mia was filled with nervous energy.

I'd have to go in the morning. I knew I couldn't stay. Not for a third night. I felt kind of sick. Not just because I knew we were going to have a tough conversation, and she was going to be mad, but because I didn't want to leave her behind. We hadn't had enough time together, I knew Bryce would take care of her, but I didn't like letting her out of my sight. Not knowing how either of my girls were doing was going to be hell.

"Did you talk to Richard?" she asked. I nodded.

"Found my friend Carol too," I said.

"The one with the cookies?" Mia asked. "The one who blew up Terminus?"

"Yeah."

"Good," Mia said. "Maybe she can blow up other places too."

"Maybe," I said. It was the same thought I'd had, and I didn't have the heart to tell her the whole story right away. Not with everything else I had to say. "Look, I'm heading out tomorrow."

"Okay," Mia said. "Will you be long? Are you and Richard going to talk to the King?"

"Nah, I'm heading back to the Hilltop," I told her. She looked surprised, and I knew it was only going to get worse from here. "To get ready for the fight, and help train the ones who volunteered. The King ain't gonna help us, so I gotta try something else."

"Okay," she said again and got to her feet. "I'll pack my things."

"Nah." I stood in the doorway and took up as much space as I could, refusing to let her past. "I need you to stay here with Bryce."

She looked back at Bryce like I'd just asked her to look after him and not the other way round. "Bryce can come too, can't he?"

"It ain't that, Mia," I said. "I need you to stay here where it's safe."

"No."

"I ain't giving you a choice," I said.

"I can fight," she said. "Naomi taught me-"

"Naomi wouldn't want you putting yourself in danger," I said. I could feel my temper rising along with my voice. That she would even try and use her sister's name to convince me was a dumb move. Naomi would kill me if she got out and found out I'd let Mia die trying to save her.

"You don't know that," Mia snapped.

"Yeah. I do," I said. "She doesn't want her kid sister going into a battle."

"I bet Carl's fighting," she said. "And Enid. I'm the same age they are, why can't I?"

"What Carl does ain't up to me," I said. "But your sister wanted me to look after you. Not Carl. Not Enid. Not Perla. You. So that's what I'm doing."

"What? By taking off and leaving me here?" Mia said. Her eyes flashed with anger, she folded her arms across her chest and glared at me. She meant to make me feel guilty, and it worked. For a second, I couldn't say anything, and she took a step forward, "What happened to you promising to be here as long we want you around, huh? Was that just bullshit?"

"Mia," Bryce said gently, trying to bring us both down from the fight this was escalating into. "Daryl's right, it's too dangerous-"

"No!" she yelled, looking between the two of us like we'd betrayed her worse than anyone else in her life.

"It wasn't bullshit," I said. I tried to be calm like Bryce, but I was hurting. Mia was hurting too, and that was on me. "I'm gonna be there for you, and Naomi, for as long as you want. I just gotta go get her back."

"You said you wouldn't leave again," she threw the accusation at me, and it cut me. Sharp as a knife.

"I'm not."

"You are," she said, and I saw something in her break. A moment where all of the anger in her eyes burned out and all that was left was sadness. It was so much worse than when she was yelling at me. "And I'm asking you to stay. Please, Daryl."

"I can't."

"Then let me come with you," she said. Her voice broke, her bottom lip trembled, and the tears she was fighting back spilled over.

"No," I said. I was fighting back tears of my own. "I'll be back, Mia, I promise."

"You can't promise that," she said. "You have as much of a chance of dying out there as I do. You might never come back."

"I will," I said. "And I'll have Naomi with me. We'll be a family, I'll -"

"Naomi might be dead." The words ripped themselves from Mia like she didn't really want to say them but couldn't hold them back. As fast as she was wiping the tears from her cheeks, more were pouring down them. "And if you die too, then I…"

She stopped, couldn't go on.

"Don't say that," I said. I could hardly speak. "Don't even think it. Naomi's fine. I'll be fine. I'll get her back."

She looked at me like I was lying to her on purpose. But I wasn't. I had to believe Naomi's heart was still beating out there somewhere, or mine would stop too. Mia took a few steps back, away from me.

"Just go," she said. "If that's what you want to do. Go now, why wait until the morning?"

"Mia-"

"Go!"

She turned her back and ran through an open door, slamming it behind her. I heard the sound of her footsteps breaking into a run. Another door slammed somewhere else in the building. Bryce and I stayed in the angry silence she'd left behind. I felt like garbage. Like I was walking away from a kid who needed me.

It ain't for long.

I'll be back.

I looked at Bryce. I thought he'd be looking at me the same way Mia had like I was a piece of shit for walking out on them. But he wasn't. There was a lot of sympathy in the way he was looking at me.

"You're doing the right thing," he said, and I wondered how obvious my guilt was. Must have been written all over me. I nodded, but I still couldn't speak. "We'll keep working on the King. It'll give Mia something to do, and she'll understand more how difficult this is. How big this fight could be."

"Just… will you… tell her…"

"She'll come round," Bryce said. "She's just scared. But she'll cool down, and she'll understand why you're leaving sooner than you think."

I kept staring at the closed door and willing it to open back up, for her to get to reach that point sooner rather than later.

"I'll look after her," Bryce said, he put a hand on my shoulder. "Just... get Naomi back, yeah?"

I nodded again. It didn't feel right to leave everything like this. But we were short on time. Richard's plan had been all wrong, but he'd been right about one thing. We needed to move against the Saviors soon. Before things went bad.

So, the next morning I went back to the Hilltop alone. Mia did not come to say goodbye.

I helped train people. I helped recruit others. I helped Sasha and Rosita draw up a floorplan of the Sanctuary. And all the time, I had this ever-widening pit in my stomach. This darkness that kept threatening to swallow me. My thoughts flitted from Naomi to Mia. Guilt about telling Carol crept in there too. And a gnawing dread that Mia was right, that I'd go through all of this and find out Naomi was dead.

It was so noisy inside my head that I couldn't talk to anyone. Maggie and Glenn tried to pull me out of it, but I was slipping too far and too fast. My thoughts were so heavy that they weighed down my tongue. It only got lighter when Rick came back to the Hilltop, bringing with him Tara and the news that they'd found a place with a shitload of guns.