"We live in a fantasy world, a world of illusion. The great task in life is to find reality."
Iris Murdoch
Bella
Forever. That used to be my favourite word. When we returned home to their blissful life in their fairytale cottage, the words on my mind had been this small but perfect piece of our forever.
As it turned out it would never end that way.
How long before I accepted that reality? Even now, as I awaited Edward's return from what some vampires called a prison sentence, some small part of me still hoped that we can have our forever, that we can be at peace.
But the majority of me knew that that peace had been a lie. An illusion. Just as our love had been.
It started unravelling after Edward and I retreated into the safety of our cottage, placing our sleeping daughter in her crib.
Weeks after our final confrontation with the Volturi, they appeared out of nowhere- literally. Not vampires, but men and women in robes and trench coats with fedoras, like the cops you see in movies set in the nineteen-twenties. With sticks in their hands, they called wands, they knocked on our doorstep.
They called themselves wizards and witches. They said they came from MACUSA, which was the government for all magical humans in the United States. I hadn't believed it, not at first. It seemed fantastical enough for me to accept that humans can do magic without turning into vampires, or phasing into giant wolves, but more so the fact that there were enough of them to, as the lead witch pointed out, consider themselves a separate nation, with their own laws, their own government, even their own currency. Even the Volturi never had that.
Yet some part of me briefly remembered that Edward couldn't read my mind as a human. And then I remembered what little we knew about Alice's human life saw her committed to an insane asylum for her visions, which was what she found out and what James boasted as he prepared to drain me dry.
Another part of me- my vampire memory, no doubt- remembered that Edward knew that werewolves- real werewolves that infected humans and turned during the full moon- existed, and he had never bothered to tell me until he and Aro mentioned them in passing, and I asked for clarification.
Any other doubts I had dissipated when the witch waved her stick and turned the antique vase on Esme's vintage table into a black cat which hissed when it saw us, before turning it back to normal with a wave of her stick- no, wand.
They explained why they came here: months ago, on March nineteenth 2006, Edward arrived in Volterra on Saint Marcus' Day. It took a while to remember in my shock and disbelief that they were referring to the day Edward tried to commit suicide by forcing the Volturi to kill him by breaking the law, because I jumped off that stupid cliff. It took a long while, some uncomfortable explanations. The witch was polite. She apologised beforehand; saying she didn't want to pry into our personal business and normally never would, especially since we lived worlds apart, even though we were in the same country. Besides, she'd already received information and facts from various sources including something called the Italian Ministry of Magic, which is apparently the government for witches and wizards in Italy. She just needed our side of the story and clarifications.
We explained to her. Gave them the date of when we first met, when I decided to turn into a vampire, and all the details in between. She swore that she would explain to us afterwards when all her questions had been answered and she was satisfied, but as it turned out we would wish that we never found out the reasons why they ever came and revealed their existences in the first place.
When Edward walked towards that fountain on that sunny day in Volterra, Italy during that festival in the square, he took off his shirt and was briefly seen sparkling in the sunlight. The person who saw him was a two-year-old girl with a five-month-old baby sister, and she immediately told her parents. That girl and her father had been immediately killed by the Volturi. Only her mother and sister had survived.
Try as I might to deny this, Alice could remember. Even I could, dim and hazy as the memories of my human life had been. Yes, I had seen that girl; that giggling, sweet-faced toddler with ribbons in her hair, pointing at my Edward as I rushed past in through the fountain. But I thought we'd stopped him before anyone could see. And I'd never imagined that the Volturi would kill a two-year-old girl, her baby sister and her parents before word could spread. I guess they didn't trust toddlers to keep secrets- or their parents.
The mother had been a witch. She'd escaped with her baby and contacted the Italian Ministry, but because vampires were recognised as a separate race with their own government, they couldn't arrest the Volturi- or Edward. Not right away. There were still some legal issues, like the vampires' right to independence and defence that needed to be sorted out- although the wizards and witches pointed out that the Volturi hadn't needed to kill any of their people in cold blood, much less a two-year-old.
At that point there were still some legal issues to solve. I was still reeling at the idea that Edward and I may have accidentally caused the deaths of a two-year-old girl and her father, and threatened the lives of her mother and baby sister, that I was numb to the news that there were different vampire species throughout the world. Each with their own government. But each of these species formed a council, just as every government for witches and wizards did, like the human United Nations.
And apparently, they all wanted Edward punished along with the Volturi.
He had to be: otherwise, the magical treaty that bound all vampires and wizardkind would curse my beloved Edward along with all of us for breaking it. Apparently, there were different vampire species out in the world, but it didn't matter that none of ours had signed it. This treaty addressed all vampires throughout the world, binding us before we'd apparently evolved from the main branch.
The only reason he hadn't been arrested and put on trial yet, because they were waiting for the ones who were supposed to try and arrest him, the Vampire High Council. But everyone agreed, vampire or witch, that Edward would be punished alongside the Volturi for his 'crimes'.
My heart grew cold. I blamed myself. I should never have jumped off that stupid cliff. I should never have done all those stupid things I did when Edward left me for months. But I did. And I'd killed a little girl and her father. And now my beautiful, worshipped, and wonderful Edward, my beloved soulmate, my everything, was going to pay the price.
Renesmee had changed, I could see it. I'd been so protective of her, so fearful that the Volturi might come back someday, or that someone from school who knew Edward and me might see her and connect the dots. After all, she hasn't stopped growing. They'd notice an impossibly beautiful girl with Edward's face and hair, my eyes and blush, and Charlie's curls. Someone who was too old to be our daughter and Charlie's granddaughter who should have at least been born only less than a year ago. And besides, the story was that I had some tropical disease. Not a baby. How was anybody going to explain that?
Apart from the main house and our cottage, Renesmee couldn't go anywhere except for Charlie's house, and the houses of the pack members like Sam and Emily's, and Billy and Jacob's in La Push. And even then, we had to be careful; not every Quileute knew that the legends were real; not everyone knew about imprinting; and not everyone would understand that Renesmee was Jacob's soulmate, not just the little daughter of the girl he once loved and a Cold One.
Nessie couldn't go to the shops or the gas station in case someone spotted her and started asking questions. Everything she wore had to be brought, either online, or in person by Alice, Rosalie, Esme and me. After all, this was a small town, I'd reasoned. Even Charlie, a full-time cop, knew when all the high school dances were. They'd certainly be able to spot a girl who looks like a Cullen, like Edward in particular, but not one of the ones they knew, but who had some of my features and Charlie's too. On the rare occasions that we would go overseas, maybe to the Denalis in Alaska, or to visit the Amazon coven in Brazil like we'd promised, we decided that we would smuggle her out of the country. Nighttime flights. And of course, Jacob would tag along because he found it too painful to be apart from her for too long. He could only have vacations when someone else was filling in, like Leah, and he was on school break.
Renesmee couldn't go to school because she grew too quickly and other people would notice. We could've easily solved the issue by moving to Seattle or anywhere else, but the imprint-bond didn't allow Jacob be parted from Renesmee and he had his duties with his pack and school. She couldn't go anywhere. She couldn't be seen by anyone that wasn't our family, members of the packs, the imprints or the Quileute Elders. Not even my mother and Phil knew about her existence, though I'd named my daughter after her.
At the time, I thought it was only a temporary measure, and that I was keeping my baby safe. After all, she still hadn't stopped growing, and the Volturi, particularly Caius and the blood-thirsty twins, would be out for revenge. Even Aro wouldn't forget his humiliation at our hands.
As time passed by, I started to realise this wasn't the case. I had no plan to introduce Renesmee into the world. I had no idea how to introduce my mother to her granddaughter who looked too old to be her granddaughter, when she still didn't know that the supernatural existed or that I had even been pregnant. We had no plans to go anywhere, to let Nessie out and about, without being accompanied by Jacob or one of us, and certainly not in and around Forks and Port Angeles where people may have seen us. Heck, people still didn't know that I looked more like my husband and his adoptive family more than I do my biological parents, and I had no explanation for that.
So we weren't seen in and around Forks and Port Angeles. We never got to say goodbye to Angela, to Ben, to Erik, Mike, and Jessica. Or to say thank you to Mrs. Newton, my former employer, who'd kept me even when I was in a state when Edward had left when she should've fired me, or to Mr. Berty the English teacher for being patient with me when I zoned out and became a zombie during my final year in high school, giving me extensions which allowed me to graduate even though I neglected the work and shouldn't have graduated high school. Edward assured me that Mr. Berty needed no thanks, and besides, he claimed, he didn't like us anyway. I blinked. I never knew Mr. Berty never liked us. He seemed to get along fine with me. Heck, he even gave me extensions and I suspected he'd been overly generous with my grades because I was in depression. Alice quipped that Mr. Berty had liked me- he just hadn't liked Edward. Edward glowered at her while I sat stumped. Why would Mr. Berty not like Edward? It wasn't as if he did anything wrong. I racked my heard. Sure, he'd missed a few classes when he was hunting or 'hiking', and he'd missed much of the coursework when he went away in September and before he returned in March. But I distinctly remembered his annoyed glances whenever Edward talked to me in English, during our viewing of Zeffirelli's Romeo and Juliet, turned into icy glares and stone-cold silences when the Cullens had returned. I blinked.
I'd forgotten that. I'd barely even noticed it.
Rosalie snarked that nobody in town seemed to like the Cullens, particularly the teachers in school, after they'd returned. The students also seemed to give them a wide berth, and many seemed to hesitate when invited to the graduation party. Alice grimaced. Jasper agreed that most of them had been more curious, suspicious even, of the Cullens after they'd returned. Especially Edward. They'd been more alert and observant at the party, more investigative, as opposed to really being there because they'd wanted to be. And not because they'd liked me or the Cullens. But why?
The others stared at me. Wasn't it obvious? I'd been stranded in the woods, turned into a vegetable and then a zombie after Edward broke up with me. Edward winced. Apparently, they'd suspected Edward of doing something bad to me in those woods, something which scarred me and potentially threatened my life, that resulted in me becoming… what I became.
I was stumped. How could anyone suspect Edward of ever doing something to hurt me? Well, Charlie did. But then he came around.
After all, how couldn't he?
But deep down, I knew the truth. An awful pit had opened a gaping hole in my stomach. It was small, but it was surely there.
As Renesmee got bigger, she spent more and more time alone, with Charlie or with Rosalie and Emmett, Carlisle and Esme, whom she felt wouldn't bother her. Or Jasper. But not Alice. Not Edward. Not Jacob. And not me.
She started speaking to them. I didn't know what they were talking about, but apparently, she started to enjoy her time at Grandpa's and Sue's. At the time, I didn't question it; I thought it was simply a loving granddaughter being close to her devoted grandfather. It never crossed my mind that she was speaking to Sue and Leah, and that Leah and Seth were hanging out with her. Of course, I knew that their mother was going out with Charlie, but I didn't think that they'd wanted to have anything to do with the Cullens. Leah seemed to avoid us. And strangely, after growing closer to Renesmee, she seemed to dislike us even more. Even Seth, amiable, sweet, friendly Seth, seemed to keep his distance. He was polite, but his smiles- and presence- grew rarer.
Things became worse after the witches and wizards made their appearance. Nessie, for the first time in her life, confronted her father. She said that Edward had no right to make every decision in her life without her input, as if he wasn't capable of doing any wrong, which the witches had proved otherwise. I was appalled. Edward sighed, sat down, his shoulders slumped and told Renesmee to go home to the cottage.
Renesmee cast one last glower at her father, completely ignoring my presence, before turning around and heading out.
Later, I found out she hadn't returned to the cottage; merely sat high up in a tree nearby. It was close enough for us to tell where she was, but far enough for Edward to not be able to hear her thoughts.
I was disturbed. It seemed she didn't like or trust us. The gaping pit in my stomach widened into a maw.
I didn't know it then, but it was the beginning of the end of my perfect piece of our forever.