Chapter Twenty-One: A Mhuirnín
Kara had done all that she could to turn the ranch around. From selling several pieces of underutilized tractor equipment to the few spare livestock trailers they had left, as well as the empty water tanks that scattered the different paddocks on the property. The latter of which reminded her of a time where a few hundred head of cattle would mosey due west following the setting of each day's sun. Kara had fond memories of what it was to grow up on cattle land, even though Danvers Ranch was well known for its champion level racehorses. Calves would flock to her frequently out in their open fields, as if they recognized her as one of their own. She wasn't in the least bit intimidating in stature then. Quite the contrary, she radiated innocence and curiosity out of her small, lanky frame.
"If you are going to make friends with them, then you have to learn to love them enough to let them go, too."
Jeremiah's words echoed in her head as she rocked quietly in a chair out on the front porch of the house. The sun was low on the horizon after such a long day and its warm, yellow light glinted off the glass of the windowpanes just out of her peripheral. The weather had been fair, so Kara had taken Ducky out for a short ride after she had waved goodbye to the last trailer that drove down the long dirt lane through the middle of the ranch. She'd set as many appointments as she could for that day to carve out enough space for the remainder of the week. Having to rush had a tendency to make her cranky, on top of being tired. Their prize-winning retired racing studs could breed mares up to half a dozen times in a day, if agreeable. This had been the ranch's main source of income for some months now and though it nearly kept them afloat, they would not survive much longer on just the stud fees alone. Kara contemplated further as she rocked in her chair about offering riding lessons on the ranch. She figured that would just have to be something else to carve out some time for.
The chickens had been a solid plan for saving money on their monthly grocery bill, as far as eggs were concerned. Though, since Kara had arrived home with them and researched laying habits, as well as how best to get hens to produce as efficiently as possible, she realized that it would either take more time and resources than she had now for the two dozen growing chicks currently taking up residence on the ranch, or she would have to purchase several dozen more laying hens to be able to turn a profit from their eggs. She pondered idly at the question of how many different phases of business Danvers Ranch would see in its lifetime. Just over one hundred years had the land and structures that sat upon it offered crop, cattle, and equine. Would it deign to see the days of becoming an egg farm? Kara chuckled to herself. She quite liked chickens if she was being honest and saw no reason why that couldn't be a possibility. Lena would at least be pleased with the idea. Though, she'd also have to contend with the fact that the ranch cats, who were still feral by nature, would also be quite pleased with the prospect of chickens as well.
Kara sighed and sank lower into the smooth rungs of wood along the back of her chair. She hadn't had a call from Lena in almost three evenings, and she was tempted to lumber her tired legs inside the house, find her phone and call her just to leave a voicemail. Admittedly, they had both remained busy and struggled to catch each other at a good time while the she was away on business, not to mention the time difference between them only contributing to that fact. Voicemail and the every once in a while text message were mostly how they communicated while Lena was out of town. Surely, she'd hear from her tomorrow, since that was when her return flight was scheduled.
Kara let the crown of her head rest against the back of the chair and she screwed her eyes shut in thought of Lena. She missed her terribly, especially in the evening times when her body was too exhausted to push on, which usually meant falling victim to her thoughts. Just then a low "mrowl" came from underneath the bottom of her chair and she wrestled open her eyes once more. A charcoal black cat who was rather well known to be just a shade aggressive toward anyone on the ranch besides Lena looped a figure eight in and out of Kara's legs. She slowly realized that it was around this time in the evenings where Lena would leave small plates of chicken or beef tips out for the ranch cats. Lena was sweet on all manner of creature, and the cats had grown to love her. Quickly too, especially since they were more than well fed now. Kara had tried telling Lena that they should be left to eat what they catch, because that was what kept the rodent population to a minimum on the ranch. She had explained that it was their job, which was a good working relationship for all involved; Free room and board, and all the mice they could eat. Lena still endeavored to treat them with extra meals anyways. So, it would stand to reason why they would be missing her right about now. The cat mewling loudly at her feet called out at her again.
"Me too, Kitty. Me too."
Darkness soon set in over the landscape as the last of the day's sun seeped in through the tops of the oak trees out in the distance. Kara's back ached as she stood from her rocking chair and stretched with a groan. Once on her feet, she clambered inside for the night and peered across the house into the kitchen. The inside of their home was eerily silent without Lena's melodic humming of Irish reels and quiet, but energetic lilting. The blonde smiled as she stared at the old sink basin that sat beneath a small window and recalled the evening when she learned another interesting piece of Lena's heritage.
"Wack-follen diddly-o, diddly-ighten da…" The dark-haired woman sang quietly as she dried and stacked their dinner plates upon the countertop. Kara listened while she rinsed and handed her a serving spoon next.
"Okay, I have to ask…" Kara admitted and placed both of her palms around the edge of the basin.
Lena turned her head toward the blonde and wrinkled her brow inquisitively. "Sorry?"
"What do all the made-up words mean when you sing them? I've listened long enough to know that you use different sets of words for different tunes, is that an Irish thing?
The woman beside her laughed for a moment. "I suppose it depends on who you ask, really." Lena said as she smiled. "They're words meant to symbolize patterns of music. But as with anything historically Goidelic, their hidden meanings can be… surprisingly dark."
Kara turned the handle to the faucet and shut off the water, then she crossed her arms and turned her hip to lean it against the sink. "Okay, now I'm twice as curious."
Lena laughed again and paused her dish drying to toss her towel over a shoulder and turned to face the blonde beside her. She crossed her arms to match the slightly taller woman in front of her and chewed the inside of her lip as she admired the way the muscles on Kara's arms flattened and curved over one another.
"Essentially…" Lena began. "When the British set their sights on conquering the Celts hundreds of years ago, they outlawed pipe music, as well as any instrument playing to quell any further rebellion or uprising against the empire. Song was deeply rooted in politics a lot of the time and was a way for people to spread stories of heroes, and of freedom. Since they could no longer play the music to their songs, they mimicked the music with their mouths, and that's how mouth music was born. That way, whenever a rowdy farmer seeking to inspire his neighbors with tales of battles won against the British and a soldier would overhear, it could be played off as drunken nonsense."
Kara's eyes widened. "That's actually really cool."
"Certain reels are common in any Irish speaking house. It brings a family together… during chores, for instance." Lena gestured with a hand toward the dishes and her face grew sullen. "My mother used to sing them a lot when I was young."
Kara reached out and took one of Lena's hands to unfold the smaller woman's arms. She wrapped Lena around her with a low hum in her chest and hugged her tightly.
"Will you teach me one sometime?" The blonde murmured next to Lena's ear and pecked a soft kiss against her cheek.
"I'll teach you as many as you like, a mhuirnín."
Kara awoke the next morning shortly before sunrise and reached out to her phone on the nightstand next to the bed. She checked for a missed call or text message from Lena but found no such luck. Her original plan of picking Lena up at the airport later that night would have to stay in place. Kara sighed and let the back of her head fall again into her pillow and considered for a moment to sleep in a while longer. Then she groaned frustratingly as it was no use; she was very much awake now. The blonde thought she might as well begin her day and stood to drag herself into the bathroom. Every other thought in her head was the dimpled smile of the woman she missed, barely leaving enough space to realize that she'd accidentally put body wash in her hair to lather instead of shampoo.
Later, the chicks seemed to be settling in nicely within their new home and crowded around Kara's feet as she tossed feed onto the ground where they pecked and scratched excitedly. She was glad that most folks weren't inclined to do business on a Sunday, because she sorely needed a day off. With horses fed and house cleaned, Kara stood out on the back porch and realized that her list of chores for the day was smaller than she had expected. In fact, there wasn't much of anything left to do and it was barely past noon. The wave of relief that washed over her was immense, and her shoulders instantly felt a little less heavy. It wasn't often that she wondered what she could do with her spare time, as "spare time" wasn't something that was easy to come by in the first place. Kara figured she'd take advantage of it and relax in front of the television for a spell.
Her boots flopped messily onto the hardwood as fast as she could step out of them and onto the carpet of the living room. A very distinct memory of Lena requesting that Kara not watch any more episodes of Lost without her while she was away popped into her head as soon as her hand touched the television remote. As she sat herself in the middle of the couch and propped her socked feet onto the coffee table, she thought for a moment and questioned whether or not she could get away with one, maybe two episodes when a small body of black fur and long whiskers jumped onto the cushion beside her.
"Oh-ho, she sends a spy?" Kara said as the cat merely sat on its haunches and blinked its large amber eyes at her. "Wait, how did you even get in here?"
Its ears flitted backwards as if on a swivel and then suddenly became very still. Kara's hands raised with palms outward in apology when in a split-second, the cat leaped off the couch and bolted for the front door chittering and chirping exuberantly, as if after a mouse.
"Oookay…" Said the blonde as she furrowed her brow.
The anxious feline paced quickly back and forth in front of the door, vocalizing its eagerness to pass through. Kara sighed, and then stood back up to trudge her way toward the door.
"You couldn't just escape the same way you broke in—?" She remarked at the animal below as she turned the knob to pull the door open.
The raven-haired woman on the other side of the door jumped slightly with a squeak as the cat shot through her legs and continued in a sprint away from the house. Lena stood there with a hand raised like she had been prepared to knock. Kara froze at the sight of her.
"Surprise..." Lena greeted her with a smile.
Kara blinked rapidly as if waking herself from a dream. Every time her eyes snapped open again, the other woman appeared to still be standing there. Her mouth fell open and then clamped shut again several times before she was finally able to utter a single word in response.
"Hi."
Lena wore a sultry look on her face as she took a step forward through the threshold of the door, bringing herself front and center into Kara's space and for the first time in a week, Kara felt exhilirated.
"Where do you want me?"
As soon as the words graced her ears, a grand sense of déjà vu washed over the blonde. That was her line, but hearing it come out of Lena excited her beyond belief. With a long reach of her arm, Kara gave a quick push against the door to shut it and set her steely gaze upon the woman in front of her, setting her jaw determinedly.
Her hands shook. Who knew being surprised like this would thrill her so much? Kara did her best to ignore the dull buzzing from the rush of blood making its way to the tops of her ears and willed her body to move.
Go ahead.
Do it…
That small voice of confidence in the back of her head urged her forward. Without a trace of hesitation, Kara took one of Lena's hands and pressed it firmly against the front of her jeans where her packer lay concealed behind her zipper. "Right here." She said with a slight tremble.
Kara felt fucking incredible. If her heart could beat any harder at this point, it would surely bruise the insides of her ribs. Being brazen as hell like that felt like stepping into traffic with the absolute and unwavering faith that she'd not get hit by a bus. It terrified her, but God, was it worth it. The way Lena gasped nearly sent her into a tailspin.
Holy shit… I can't believe I just did that.
Fuck, does it feel good though…
How does that make sense? I can't actually feel it.
What if she wants me to stop? Doesn't seem like she does.
Do I wanna stop?
…Hell no, I don't.
Kara's inner rambling came to a screeching halt when the hand on her jeans pressed harder and wrapped itself around the length that lay beneath. Her breath all but vanished when Lena began a slow descent down to her knees on the floor in front of her. Kara reached down to pull some of the silky, coal black hair from her eyes, not willing even for a single moment to look away. They stared up at her, one green and one blue, both blinking their heavy desire. Kara's leaden lungs suppressed any effort she made to inhale when the sounds of the teeth on her zipper separating from one another broke the shaky silence between them. When her spine racked together with a violent shiver, Lena pulled the flesh-colored packer through the opening of her jeans with a roguish grin and wrapped her painted red lips around it.
Kara's jaw dropped. It was as if every firing synapse in her brain simply dropped out of existence. Another profound tremor rattled its way to the surface of her skin from deep within her bones as Lena took her deeper into her mouth. The kneeling woman tucked her fingertips into a front pocket of Kara's jeans and pulled her hips forward, drawing her in as far as the back of her throat would allow. The foggy fizzing and popping of bright spots around the edges of her vision told Kara that she needed to breathe—and soon—so with a great roll of her neck upward she sucked in a breath that cracked in her chest like a whip. Lena pushed Kara's hips away from her then and made a sharp -pop- with her lips as she sucked and pulled away from the tip. Then she pulled her forward again, taking her once more in and out of her mouth from base to tip. Kara was almost dizzy and thought for only a second how embarrassed she would be if she were to end up on the floor. It's not as if she could actually feel the inside of Lena's mouth, but just the act itself was the most erotic thing she had ever experienced. Knowing that what was about to transpire would be intensely satisfying in a way she had never felt before was simply irrefutable.
The urge to place her hand at the base of Lena's ponytail to follow her gentle bobbing felt almost too strong to deny. Kara ran the length of it around her palm once and then twice before closing her fist at the crown of Lena's head. Goddamn, she makes it sound so wet… Kara thought as she let her head fall back to stare up at the ceiling. The noises coming from below sounded unlike anything she had ever heard. Truth be told, Kara had never given anyone with a penis oral before so it's not like she knew exactly what to expect, and she even thought for a split second that if she wasn't already turned on and hot like the surface of the sun that it all might sound a little gross… but to her great relief—and surprise—the experience far outweighed anything she could have possibly imagined. Suddenly, a pair of hands clawed their way up her torso as Lena stood. Kara had thrown her head forward again just in time to steady herself when she was shoved further into the living room of the house. She knew the couch was somewhere behind her, but before she could judge where exactly, her heels caught its edge and then she fell clumsily down onto its cushions with an "oomph".
Lena was on top of her in seconds. The dark-haired woman straddled her lap and kissed her wantonly, sending small moans into Kara's mouth as her tongue pushed past her lips. Lena raked her skirt up her thighs quickly with one hand and then reached into Kara's lap with the other to position the shaft lengthways against her cunt. Without so much as a word, she rocked forward onto it with a small shudder. Kara only guessed at how good the firmness of it felt against Lena's presumably swollen and throbbing clit. An ebony pair of sheer pantyhose posed a barrier between them still and instead of exercising patience, Kara took them into her hands at their apex and ripped them apart at the seam with one strong and audible grunt.
Lena whimpered loudly at the sound of the fabric between her legs tearing. "Oh- hold still… Let me." With another reach of her hand and a tilt of her hips, Lena lowered herself onto Kara and trapped a long and wavering moan in her mouth.
Kara leaned forward and braced herself against the woman in her lap. Two human beings had simply never been closer before. If they burned any hotter, it's likely they would have melded into one. It had all happened so fast, and Kara was amazed.
"God, I missed you." Kara whispered against the base of Lena's throat.
"Oh baby, I missed you too…" Lena replied, gripping the top of the couch with both hands to begin a slow and gentle bounce onto Kara's cock.
It didn't take long for Lena to pull at the sleeves of Kara's baseball shirt, begging for it to come up and over her head. Soon after all that remained on the raven-haired woman's body was the plaid skater skirt that ruffled around her hips and the torn pantyhose she wore underneath. The backs of her thighs began to fall roughly on top of Kara with each of her thrusts downward. Kara had told her right where she wanted her, and Lena did little to disappoint.
"I might cum soon if I keep going like this—" Lena said with a quiet gasp as she dug her nails into the tops of Kara's shoulders.
Pleased, Kara growled a low tone into the smaller woman's sternum as she churned back and forth on top of her now. "That's alright, I've got all day. You're mine again."
"Ah—" Lena shuddered, her eyes lolling helplessly toward the back of her head. They traded muffled groans and impassioned pleas for "more, harder, faster" until Lena started to shake at her knees and her cries began to intonate in that sweet, upward inflection. She bit into the rounded top of one of Kara's trap muscles to curb a shriek and then orgasmed for what the blonde felt like were one or two very long minutes. Kara felt a sheet of sweat grow beneath the palm that covered the small of Lena's back and whenever she thought the woman panting on top of her had come down, she spasmed again with just the slightest motion, keening small moans and cries into the side of her face. Lena had been pulled taut like the string of a bow and did her best to unfurl herself.
After she felt the legs at her sides relax finally, Kara caught Lena as she rumpled exhaustedly forward and thudded her forehead against the top of her shoulder. She panted heavily there for a moment and then gave a pitiful mewl. "Oh- I've left a mark—" Lena admitted with an apologetic voice and rubbed gently at the bite mark on Kara's trapezius. She sucked her teeth with a "tsk" and then dotted a soft kiss there.
"Don't worry, it's fine." The blonde replied. "I'm just glad you're home." Then she quirked her head with a curious thought, "Wait… where are your bags?"
Lena's hoarse and breathy laugh tumbled into the small space between their bodies as she lifted her head. "Still out on the front porch." A heavy and satisfied sigh followed. "I just know that some alternate universe version of us definitely just got pregnant."
Kara giggled. "Good for them."
They had both made it up the stairs not long after and nearly spent until sunrise the next morning on top of and underneath each other. Not to mention an additional upright marathon when they decided to shower at one point. They surely had made up for the amount of sex they had missed out on during the time Lena was away.
Lena couldn't be sure if she was awake or not, but it sounded like there was someone knocking at the front door downstairs. It was light out, but was she still dreaming? Her head was too foggy with tiredness still. Just how much sleep had she gotten? She stirred a bit more and stretched her legs, which immediately panged with soreness.
Shite... Oh, aye. Not a dream.
Slowly and carefully she lifted herself out of bed, planting her bare feet upon the worn wood floor where it objected with a quiet -creak-. She winced at the sound but noticed that Kara hadn't so much as stirred in the slightest. The blonde remained dead asleep, apparently worn out from their love making Olympics which had spanned the better part of the day before and most of the night. Kara slept haphazardly on her stomach with one knee hiked up and the opposite arm twisted around her back, which Lena found increasingly amusing the longer she stared at her. The knocking from downstairs wafted its way up toward the bedroom again, and Lena realized then that there was, in fact, someone at the door.
She also realized that she was still naked and couldn't very well answer the door without any clothes on. Her bags had eventually been brought inside sometime during the evening before, but they were still downstairs and had most of her underwear in them. Lena darted her eyes around the room and settled for one of Kara's bigger paisley print button-downs which fit on her loosely, covering her all the way to the middles of her thighs. Even the sleeves reached into her palms. Whoever was at the door would simply have to deal with her improvised style of dress. Satisfied, Lena pulled her dark, silky straight curtain of hair over a shoulder and flew down the stairs with quick and quiet steps toward the front door.
On the other side of it appeared the last face she was expecting to see.
Morgan Edge stood there with a manila envelope and a five o' clock shadow. Lena froze for a split-second and then fumbled with her fingers to gather the collar of Kara's shirt more closely together beneath her chin. Knowing it would have been rude to stand there any longer and gawk at the man, the raven-haired woman opened her mouth to speak, "Mr. Edge… How can I help you?"
"Well how about that, she knows my name." He retorted, tapping the edge of the envelope against the door frame.
"I do." Lena replied matter-of-factly.
He chuckled obnoxiously at her candor and shook his head, much like how one would at an over-eager child to remind them of their smallness. With that gesture went every last ounce of friendliness Lena had previously considered offering him. She never liked it when men condescendingly laughed at her in an effort to empower or embolden themselves over her… Though it did happen to be her favorite mistake of theirs.
"Forgive me, Mr. Edge, but is there a reason you're standing on my front porch in need of some manners, and perhaps a shave?"
"Your porch…?" His expression darkened, and then he stuck out the fist with the envelope in it toward her. "I've brought the Danvers an offer, since it seems y'all have fallen on hard times with Miss Eliza no longer at the head of the table."
Lena managed to take it from him without a swipe, still clutching the oversized shirt at her chest with her other hand. "Thank you, sir, I will pass it along to Kara as Mrs. Danvers is away still."
"That's all I ask." He said as he turned to take the first few steps down the porch, then he stopped and wheeled around to wag a finger in the air. "Young lady, I feel compelled to warn you about that…" He gestured toward Kara's old bedroom.
Lena grit her teeth at his flagrant attempt to dehumanize Kara. She wasn't surprised. She had met backwards men like him before and knew all too well the mental pitfalls that came with homophobia combined with a severe lack of emotional intelligence. "That would be a person, and she has a name."
Morgan snarled. "You're headin' down a burnin' path to hell, girl. I would know, that's where she took my daughter—"
"That's quite enough, Mr. Edge. Kara already told me everything." She narrowed her eyes into daggers at him then. "The difference is, I'll still be here when you leave."
Lena spat the last of her words and shut the door firmly, despite every bone in her body wanting to slam it. She listened for his booted footsteps away from the porch and as soon as she heard an engine roar to life and drive toward the front of the property, she clapped a hand around her mouth in realization of what she had just said. Lena felt sick. Never had she been cruel with her words like that before, and she regretted speaking so poorly of Kara's first love that it twisted painful knots into the pit of her stomach. The sting of tears brought her back to her senses quickly, and she wiped the corners of her eyes with the large cuffs of Kara's shirt sleeves to gather herself.
The realization that she'd have to speak the name of the man who haunted Kara's nightmares hit her as soon as she reached the middle of the stairs. The envelope in her hand suddenly began to feel a bit heavier. Where would she even begin? There were certainly parts of their exchange that Lena would be keeping to herself, but the contents of this "offer" wasn't something she would dare to conceal from the blonde.
When Lena returned upstairs Kara was laying on her back in the bed and rubbing small circles into the corners of her eyes with her thumbs. She yawned and then punched at the pillow beneath her head to give it a good fluff. "I heard you talking downstairs, is everything at work okay?"
Lena wondered for a short moment if the blonde's voice was more apprehensive than usual because she was afraid that her job would call her away again on another trip. She didn't imagine Kara would so readily admit such a thing and would only take the news in stride, but unfortunately what Lena had to tell her didn't feel much better. Kara eyed her shirt on the smaller woman's frame with a smile as Lena crawled back into bed with her.
"What's that?" The blonde asked, gesturing down with her chin toward the object in Lena's hand.
Lena sighed. "This was dropped off for you." Kara observed the blank face of the envelope as she took it from her hand and flipped it back and forth with a curious expression. "Morgan Edge came by with that, said he wanted me to give it to you." Lena explained.
Kara shot forward and twisted her head toward the window that faced their neighboring property line. Her eyes had taken on a wild look and Lena reached out for the blonde, bracing her with a hand at her shoulder.
"Hey- hey, it's alright. He's gone." Lena said softly.
Kara pulled in a quick breath and shook her head. "I'm not scared."
"I know you're not…" Lena replied, puzzled for a moment.
Blue eyes fell back to the envelope laying on the quilt now. Kara seemed to grind her back teeth for a moment in thought before reaching inside to reveal a stack of papers. She studied them with a deep concentration, setting her jaw with a dull -click-. Pages flipped one after the other before the color ran from her face, leaving her with a ghostly pallor and a dreadful expression.
"Is everything alright?" The dark-haired woman asked, concerned.
"No darlin', I don't think so."
"…what do you mean?"
Kara exhaled stiffly with a subtle quiver of her chin. "I think he wants the ranch."
After some deliberation, the pair decided to call Alex and ask that she look over the pending offer, to which she had replied without a single ounce of hesitation, "Oh hell no, I'm on my way". The eldest Danvers sister arrived just after two in the afternoon and let herself in the front door of the house unannounced, skidding to a halt on the long rug that lay in the foyer. Kara was sat at the dining room table with her head in her hands when she noticed Alex's somewhat clumsy barreling into the house.
"Geez, what happened to knocking? For all you know I could have been naked—"
Alex shook her head in confusion and squinted her eyes hard at her sister from the foyer. "Why would you be naked in the dining room, Kara?"
Just out of sight, Lena failed to hide a giggle behind her hand. Alex's eyes shot open then. "Oh. Okay. Nope." She shook her head once more, this time a bit more adamantly. "I'll knock next time."
Kara chuckled and then cleared her throat to steel her nerves. The papers which had been vexing her for the better part of the day shot out in her hand towards her sister. "Come and read this, please?"
For such a short stack of pages, Kara and Alex combed over them for what seemed like a very long time. They went back and forth over the intentionally and unnecessarily heavy legal jargon when they both came to a devastating conclusion.
"This part here… 'all properties contained therein at the time of closure will be transferred into the ownership of the undersigned Morgan Edge with the additional wherewithal to be decided in the matter of the deconstruction of standing structures and facilities—as per the new owner's preference'."
Alex's face went white as a sheet, and she tossed the papers onto the table where they scattered loosely. "He doesn't want the ranch. He just wants the fucking horses." She admitted with a sob.
—One Week Later—
What bothered Kara the most was that no matter how hard she tried to put it out of her mind, and no matter how she busied her hands and kept her forward momentum on the ranch, she couldn't help the thought of Morgan Edge standing on her porch and talking to her girlfriend through the front door. In a corrupted and awfully horrid way, things sort of felt like they had come full circle considering the loss of April, her first love, and meeting her true love, Lena, now that the same man had imposed himself upon both of them. The intrusive thought of Lena being dragged down the stairs by her hair kicking and screaming nearly knocked the wind out of her. Kara dropped the pitchfork where she stood in the barn and doubled over with her hands on her knees.
Stop it.
Stop it!
The blonde clawed at her shirt collar and began to rasp painfully quick breaths in and out. Beads of sweat trickled in between her shoulder blades and ran along her spine beneath her shirt. She stomped with a boot against the floor to remind herself that it was there, but her chest was already caving in. Kara dropped to her knees and clapped her hands over her ears. The screams that came from the landing of the stairs that night echoed loudly in her head, no matter how hard she pressed with her palms.
Just out of reach, Ducky whinnied loudly and screeched with his distress. Still tied to the cross ties in the aisle-way, he gave several strong and panicked jerks of his head and snapped the break-away tie with another rolling grunt deep from within his chest. He skittered to keep himself upright and then turned to nose his way beneath Kara's arms where she rocked on the floor of the barn. Kara clung to his halter, taking in deep and irregular gasps until she could feel the coarse texture of Ducky's coat beneath her fingers and her knees against the hard floor. Sweat poured into her eyes from her hairline, and for the first time since she moved back to the ranch, Kara let herself cry.
Ducky nickered anxiously and decided to just lay himself on the floor with his rider, knocking her a bit sideways by accident. Kara merely let him rest his large head on her torso where he continued to whinny breathily until she dried her weepy eyes and took a deep breath.
The bond between Kara and Lucky Duckling was unlike any other she had ever shared with a horse. He was more affectionate and understanding than most humans were. The simple way he could just look at her and know exactly what was going on in her head astounded her sometimes. Kara cherished this friendship because it was one that didn't force her to use actual words. Eye contact is an important facet of communicating with horses, and the way Ducky could read her eyes in a single moment said more to her than any verbal, heartfelt discussion that she had ever had with another person. Apart from Lena, that is. Before, Kara thought she'd never be able to find another human to connect with like this; the way their souls seemed to speak to one another. She simply didn't think that person existed or would ever exist. Boy, had she been wrong.
Kara knew she could never part with this horse. She knew that just as readily as she knew the sky was blue. What would happen to him? Could she even bear to imagine? Kara scratched at the stiff whiskers on the underside of Ducky's muzzle and decided to take up her pitchfork and continue working. Nothing good came from worrying about something that hadn't happened yet.
The sun was high in its noon position by the time the blonde made her way out of the stables. To ease her troubled mind, Kara sought to spend time walking with the oldest of their nags, a once lovely and proud broodmare now in her thirties who after not foaling for several seasons had been chosen to stay on and babysit the newly weaned. It helped to assuage some of the guilt that cropped up like bile at the back of the blonde's throat every time she thought about what would happen to any of them in the near future. The more time she could spend with them, the better. Kara simply needed them to know that they were loved. A stud farm is a business, yes, but despite all of the hard decisions and losses and thick skin one acquired whilst running said business, she needed them to know that she loved them. For some reason that felt more imperative than ever.
A short while later, the screen door on the back porch shut behind her with a -clack- and Kara pulled her leather work gloves off by the fingertips, resting a hip against the nearest kitchen countertop. She poured herself a glass of water at the sink and drank it down in several thirsty gulps to fill it once more. The sound of fingers tapping away at a keyboard came from around the corner then, likely from the small writing desk in the den. When Kara entered the cozy room with her glass in hand, Lena lifted her head and her expression dropped in an instant. Realizing that she probably looked very much like she had struggled her way out of a panic attack earlier that morning, Kara sighed and did her best to smooth the hair out of her eyes and dust the legs of her jeans in order to appear less disheveled. Her short walk with the old nag had calmed her some, but the raven-haired woman's perspicacity knew no bounds. The legs of Lena's chair scooted noisily backwards against the hardwood as she stood and rounded the long end of the table to start toward the blonde.
"What's wrong?" Lena asked as she stepped into Kara's space carefully.
Kara merely drew her lips into a thin line and shook her head dismissively.
"Mo ghrá…" Lena lifted a hand to the wisps of blonde hair that had come loose from the tie at the crown of Kara's head. "Look at the state of you… what have you done out there?"
"It's fine." Kara leaned in to press a quick and reassuring kiss upon her cheek.
Lena crossed her arms then and paused her concern with a sigh. "Alright." She deflated a bit and then turned to head back to her laptop. "Oh, Alex called but I told her you had been up to ninety since dawn and that you'd call her back when you got the chance."
Kara gulped down the last of her water and nodded with a wipe of her chin to start for the back door again. It wasn't her intention to sidestep Lena's affections so brusquely, but usually by the time she had sweat out the bulk of her worries, whatever remained could almost always be discussed calmly, and that was the way Kara could stand to communicating the hard things—with an immeasurable amount of patience and bodily exhaustion. Certain things just seemed easier to say when she was too tired to worry about them.
Kara flipped her phone over and over in her hands as she sat in her saddle that evening. She'd taken Ducky once more to mosey toward the far end of the ranch, several acres west toward the setting sun and came to rest beneath the oldest and largest of the property's live oak trees. Some of which were over a century old, and very much looked the part. Memories flashed behind her eyes of her and her sister climbing the low limbs that drooped toward the ground, sturdy and thick in their old age. Back then these same trees seemed larger than life, even big enough to live in. Now as Kara stared at them, they were still enormous but somehow appeared different to her. That almost childlike magic had gone from them, and they just seemed… tired. She shook her head with an air of frustration then. Kara was so goddamn tired of looking at everything through gloomy, gray colored lenses.
With a huff, she willed her thumb to tap Alex's name in her phone and brought it to her ear.
"Hey—" Alex answered.
"Hey, sorry I missed your calls."
"Yeah, about that, the hell does 'up to ninety' mean?"
Kara chuckled to herself. "It uh… it means 'busy', I think."
There was a pause at the other end of the phone then. Kara knew that Alex had probably guessed the reason why she had been keeping herself so busy, more so than usual anyways.
"I think we should talk about it." Alex said calmly. Kara groaned with a deep breath.
"What, just giving up and selling the ranch to that—" Kara started and then clenched her teeth. Ducky jittered anxiously underneath her and she reached down to stroke at his mane. "Shh- Duck…" She whispered.
"What are our other options, Kara?" Her sister shot back as she brought the phone back to her ear.
"I—" The blonde stammered. "I don't know right now, but I'm working on it. I promise."
Just tell her you don't want to talk about it.
Wimp.
She could hear Alex sigh. "There's a line we gotta draw somewhere, baby girl, I can't let you work yourself to death out there."
Kara huffed in unbidden denial. "I am not working myself to death—"
"Oh please, Kara, I'm just glad Lena's there to make sure you eat and at least make it into a bed at night because I know you'd sleep in that damn barn with Ducky if you were left to yourself."
Kara rolled her eyes exaggeratingly.
"And don't you roll your eyes at me, either, you know it's true." The blonde's eyes popped open wide at that. "Also, I gotta talk to you about Mama." Alex said, lowering her voice.
"What's the matter?" Kara asked nervously.
"That cough came back, and she ran a fever for a few days that wouldn't break so we took her up to the hospital this morning. They wanna keep her for a few nights. It was just a bit more than Miss Lane could handle by herself."
Kara wanted to kick herself for not calling her sister back sooner. She also wanted to kick herself for skipping the last couple of opportunities to visit with her mother. Too many things had snowballed recently and claimed most of her attention, leaving little time for anything else. Even Lena.
"Alright, when are you gonna be up there next? I'll come with you." She asked.
"Tomorrow morning. But Kara…" Alex paused for a beat. "I have to be honest with you, it's a lot for me right now. With Sam, the baby could be here any day now and now Mama… I need you to be around, okay? If baby girl decides to show up and you only call back after a whole day has gone by, you might miss it. Alright? I just… need you."
Kara nodded her head. "I hear you. I'll keep my phone on me, and we'll come runnin'. I love you."
"I love you too. Thanks, little sister."