Ashely welcomes us back from the casino. Sadden she couldn't go, but happy we came back with no wounds "Commander, how did the mission go?"

Shepard answers "Our lead is dead. We'll find out who is behind this one way or another."

Ashley says "I missed your never give up attitude. ********* what's got you down in the wards?"

I whine like a child "I didn't get any bonus games. I love the bonus games. Money from bonus games feels special. I can spend it on stuff I don't really need guilt-free."

Ashley asks "Do you really need the money?"

I throw my head back, spinning circles as I say "No but I want a flood of dopamines in my brain. They feels so good! I need something to distract my head from the disappointed. That place must be rigged. I'm going to check dinner." Tali lovingly squeezes my forearm before I go.

I slowly over to the kitchen. The low vibes emanating from my body fill the room. My reptilian brain urges me to check my sustenance. Any paranoia about leaving electrical equipment on while we are away likely overblown. All the sous vide cooker does is plug into a wall. Thank Source they use human electrical adapters in this apartment. I check the pots and see the meat has remained submerged and has slightly changed in color. Looks delicious. Everything I make is. I think we have at least another 2 hours to go. Three if I want it even more tender, but too long makes it become mushy which I don't like.

Kaiden opens the fridge and pulls out a beer. He offers to grab me one, but I decline. I need proper hydration. Ashley asks him to grab her some fruit while he's at it. While Kaiden rummages through the satisfyingly fully stocked refrigerator, he comments "I really missed your cooking and this sous vide stuff sounds fancy."

Ashley asks me "Do you… bless the food or something?"

SHE REALLY SAID THAT!? I gasp, pretending to be outrageously offended like a streamer for virtue signaling clicks and ad revenue.

"Did you just insult my cooking? Kaiden, it feels like she insulted my cooking. Ash! How dare you?"

Ashley replies "You know I didn't mean it like that. It just tastes better when you cook it."

I reply "my parents said the same thing about popcorn as a kid so I would make it. That was actually really smart."

Ashely says "you must be doing something. What's the secret."

"It's called skill. And apparently cooking involves smelling the food and that dulls your sense of taste supposedly."

Kaiden asks me "You really don't do anything out of the ordinary? You don't make it with love? Is that a real thing?"

"Let's pretend I know the answer to that and I keep silent for reasons. I signed an NDA."

Ashley ask "One more thing and I'll stop bugging you. I want to be able to do what you do. Would you please teach me? I promise I won't abuse it."

"I would rather not. It's not that I don't trust you. I believe you believe you mean it, but this stuff affects brain chemistry. Besides, it's super hard."

Ashley begs "Come on. At least tell me what to do first."

I step closer to the Island where Ashley is resting her elbows. Didn't her mama teach her elbows on the table to make it fall over? Wait, this isn't a giant spool table. Nevermind. I need to stop going to those time periods. Both my hands take hold of her head, shaking light enough not to actually harm her, but vigorous enough to make me laugh "GET THE DAMN SLAG OUT OF THIS UNIVERSE MAKER IN YOUR SKULL and make the rattle in the back of your head drip that spicy honey."

Ashley swats my massagers away "What are you on about?"

Kaiden says "He's not kidding. That stuff burns."

I'm surprised at Kaiden "You actually tried it and managed to secrete it? That's hard to figure out."

Kaiden says "After you left, I hit a dry spell and decided to try it out. That was so weird."

I ask him "Did you like it?"

Kaiden answers "Not really. It made me feel off in a good way, but my superiors thought I was on drugs, so I had to stop."

Ashley says "I don't want to risk jeopardizing my career for whatever you two knuckleheads are talking about."

Kaiden asks "Does it make animals friendly? A bug landed on my shoulder which doesn't normally happen. Is that how do you get the animals to come up to you?"

I ask him "which ones? My sky buddies (birds), the tree buddies (squirrels), water buddies (turtles), or the grass buddies (rabbits. BUNNY BUDDIES!)

Kaiden says "Um... the first one?"

I tell "The trick is to vibrate like a tree or whatever which animal feel safe at."

Ashley asks "How exactly do you do that?"

I explain the animal lovers top secret "you find a tree. touch it. connect with it, but not in a weird hippy dendrophilia way who ruins tie-dye for everyone. Remember what it feels like and try to replicate it. Where is our favorite prothean? I should check on Javik. How is he?"

Kaiden says "I don't know how protheans are supposed to be, but he seems annoyed at us for some reason."

Ashley says "And socially awkward."

I tell them "He's not mad at you. His senses do not like the artificial light or chemical smells. He's able to pick up the tiniest of odors. Please be patient with him. He was a child soldier and needs experience in a normal setting or what passes for normal in this universe. Where is he?"

Kaiden says "On the balcony talking with Garrus."

"Thanks K." I head up the stairs and find red and blue. Oh I miss that show. Caboose was my favorite.

"Hey Javik, are you vibing?" He looks at me with profound realization in his eyes. Javik continues his conversation with Garrus.

"We could install vibration sensors at the door."

Garrus nods his head "That's a good idea. The sensor will pick up air changes when he flies over."

I ask them "What is going on?"

Javik explains "We are inventing ideas to defend our base. We discussed several traps to eliminate asari, krogan, turian, salarian, quarian, batarian, drell, elcor, and now the hanar. We can defend our base from nearly all threats."

I ask him "is that really necessary."

Javick says "this Blasto I've heard sounds formidable. He must if he's able to film his missions and sell them to the public. Intersting way to humilate your foes."

I explain "Javik that is a movie. None of that is real. Only entertainment."

Garrus jokes "A flamer thrower will boil the jellyfish which we'll use as bait over a spike trap for the batarians."

I shouldn't be laughing at this "That's messed up, but I do love booby traps. Something about them calls to me, and hidden rooms."

Javik says "This habitat is too small to conceal a weapons arsenal."

I sarcastically say "You two should start a home defense company after the war."

Jacob joins up with us, he leans against the rails. He has a lot of trust in those metal bars. "What are you guys talking about."

Garrus says "Just a few things to make the place safer."

Jacob nods "Sounds good. Hey *********? Is it true you're dating Tali?"

I reply "This feels like a loaded question. Why?"

Jacob cautiously asks "Well a guy is curious. How is she down there?"

I turn to Garrus and slap his cheating armor "Ask Garrus. He knows more about that stuff than me. How is your girlfriend anyway?"

Javik asks "Have this cycle's races corrupted their biochemistry so greatly that only the quarians seem suitable mates?"

Garrus says "We broke up a long time ago if that is what you want to call it. It wasn't going to lead to anything."

I said "You got more action in hours than I have you dog."

Jacob fist bumps Garrus "That's awesome G. Was she cute?"

Garrus says "I guess. Turians don't really have beauty standards like you humans. We prefer strong capable women who impress us. That's really the only way to turn on a stud like me."

I call him out "You said Sartan's wife is hot."

Garrus says "There are exceptions to the rules, plus her insignia was that of an elite soldier. With that she could have had any man she wanted. Sartan is a lucky bastard."

Javik asks "If you partake in relationships solely for pleasure, why did you terminate your engagement?"

Garrus says "She wanted to see me more, I told her I was busy at work protecting Shepard's ass. She didn't want to hear it. There were some other problems. The kind every girlfriend has."

Jacobs nods his head.

I said "Ah, yes. I know what he is talking about. Every Girlfriend."

"Every girlfriend?" Tali asks. Her arms crossed and her aura steaming.

Garrus and Jacob wide eyes stare at me. Darting back and forth. I am in danger. Think you can get out of this. Keep calm and don't panic. I've gotten out of worst. Find a way to turn it into a compliment. Shit she is mad. I need a really good one. If I need to, I'll stop time and spend years trying to find the key phrase to save my butt. Come on heighten intuition. I need you. Crown chakra Crown chakra Crown chakra.

Light bulb moment.

"Yeah… the 'every girlfriend.' The metaphysical representation of mankind and turiankind relationship struggles. You actually inspired her in a way. See… she has all the negative traits you don't have and all the positive traits you lack… which are none."

Tali unfolds her arms, her mind processing what I said to her. For the slightest moment, she looks down at the floor before running up to hold me. Burying her visor into my chest. I aww. Garrus and Jacob wipe the sweat of their foreheads. My love pulls my head down and whispers "I know you just said that to get out of trouble, but that was so sweet… we can do that thing you like but I don't."

"Really? (Whisper) But you hate the friction burns and the mess."

Tali says softly into my ear "I'm going to hate this burning fire inside me even more if you don't extinguish it soon."

My knee jerks. Garrus's long arm catches me before I fall off the rails.

Jacob comments "Bro… you are a word God."

Garrus says "I don't think he heard you."

Javik says "I think most of his blood exited his brain."

Shepard yells for everyone to stop what they are doing and to meet him downstairs.

I need to finish this DLC ASAP!