Woo chapter 20! I hope you guys have continued to enjoy!

TW: Depressive and suicidal-ish thoughts

Still with Rex, and he's still having a hard time of it.

Mando'a translations at the end!

The next few days were much of the same. Rex would receive the treatment and go into the first sim with higher expectations, do tolerably well, but still fail. They would only go downhill from there. He didn't know how much he trusted the accuracy of the results of the first sims; they were likely skewed by whatever Neya Ha was doing to him. He lost himself in the rhythm of failure.

It came as a shock when he received a nudge through the bond from Ahsoka, as he packed up his gear after another failure. It was her signal to let him know she would be waiting for him that night. For once Rex did not face the prospect with excitement. He was nervous and agitated. He had too much to hide from her.

Hackjob noticed Rex's increased agitation, like he noticed everything. He gave Rex annoyingly prying looks during lunch and dinner and when they exercised together that afternoon. He didn't ask any questions. Rex was glad that his brother had finally figured out that he wasn't going to get anything out of him.

The day both dragged and went too fast. Rex finally found himself on his bed, cross legged

"You're meditating?" Hackjob asked as he took off his uniform.

"Problem?" Rex asked.

"No." Hackjob said. "It's just- you haven't meditated since before your surgery."

Rex shrugged at that. He didn't like Hackjob's tone, one of hesitant optimism.

"I'll be quiet then." Hackjob said.

Rex nodded his thanks and closed his eyes. It took longer than normal to sink into the trance required to speak with Ahsoka.

There you are.

For a second Rex felt if not happy, at least content at her presence.

It took a moment to get to meditating.

Nevermind that, how did your surgery go?

Rex hesitated, careful to keep most of his feelings packed away from her.

There were some complications, but it was a success.

He felt a flash of anxiety from her.

Are you all right?

Rex again paused. For some reason it was more difficult to talk across the bond this time.

I'm fine.

She took a moment before responding.

You have your new leg? How is it?

Rex gave a mental nod of his head.

Fine. It walks.

I'd be worried if it didn't.

Rex attempted an amused reaction.

And are you okay? She asked.

You already asked that. I'm fine.

I can't feel you very well.

Maybe it's the distance.

We've been further apart before.

It's nothing you need to worry about, Commander.

We're back to Commander? I thought we'd moved past that.

Rex didn't know how to respond to her.

He twitched as the ghosts of fingers brushed his hands. He felt a burst of panic as she seemed to move closer to the shut off part of his mind, but then she stopped.

Rex, please. I know there's something wrong. Will you let me in?

We promised that it would stay private. He replied sharply.

She recoiled at his anger.

I want to help, Rex.

You can't. Rex couldn't stop some of his despair from weighing down the words.

I could, if you would let me in.

Rex was about to give an angry retort when Ahsoka pressed a strong wave of affection and comfort over him.

I'm here if you need me. She said. But please, Rex. Remember your promise to me, the men. We want you back. We need you back.

I remember it. Rex sent. I remember it every day.

The pressure on his fingers returned.

I have to go. We should be able to meet in a few weeks. Urcye mhi.

Ret'urcye mhi. He managed.

He got a vague feeling of disturbance at his words. She faded away and Rex was left even more agitated than before. Ahsoka was clinging too hard to him. The Jedi had got something right when they said 'no attachments.' Ahsoka was going to be badly hurt when he didn't return. He wanted to tell her to prepare her. Yet there was no way of convincing her to be at peace with it.

Rex opened his eyes. Hackjob was staring at him.

"I thought meditation was supposed to be peaceful." Hackjob said.

"Who said mine wasn't?" Rex replied.

He lay down and faced away from Hackjob.

"You didn't look peaceful. In fact you looked pretty angry." Hackjob said.

"Leave it." Rex said.

"Rex-" Hackjob said.

"I said leave it!"

In a rush, Hackjob had stood up, grasped Rex by the leg, and dragged him from the bed.

"What the-"

"I am done leaving it!" Hackjob hissed. "When you stopped talking to me, I left it. When you started lying to Neya Ha, I left it. When you stopped trying in the sims, I left it. I left it, and then you gave up!"

Rex glared at Hackjob.

"I haven't given up!" He said. "I keep trying, even though there's no point!"

"Can't you hear yourself?" Hackjob asked. "You're willing to just let the Kaminoans kill you!"

"There's no other way this ends!" Rex shouted. "I'm broken, Hackjob!"

"Broken things can be fixed!"

Rex scrambled to his feet and snatched his datapad from the bedside table. He flung it to the ground and smashed his heel into the screen. Cracks spread like ripples from the point his foot made contact. Ignoring Hackjob's stricken face, he brought his foot down again, breaking the pad in two.

"Do you bother to fix that?" Rex asked. "Do you bother to fix something that's shattered and split in two?"

Hackjob stared at Rex.

"Why do you want to be that broken?" He asked.

"You think I want this?" Rex spat. "Do you think I want to be worthless and useless? It's just a fact! You cannot fix me!"

"We don't know that because you're not trying!"

"Not trying? What do you call the hours I spend in the sims? Every day I get out of that bed even though I know it's pointless!" Rex said.

"That's my point!" Hackjob was shouting now. "You have decided you can't get better and it's stopping you from improving. You have given up on going back!"

"I have done all that I can to get better and it's not working!" Rex retorted.

Hackjob seized Rex by the shoulders. Rex instinctively lashed out, landing a solid hit on Hackjob's jaw. Rex shrank back as Hackjob stumbled.

"I-I'm sorry-" Rex started, but Hackjob had already crossed the room to the door.

"We're running out of time." Hackjob shot behind his shoulder. "And I am not leaving you to die!"

He left. Rex stood, breathing heavily for a minute before returning to his bed. Why was Hackjob so determined to hang on? And why was Rex so willing to be let go?

Rex sat sullenly in the chair across from Neya Ha. The last two weeks had been draining on him. Hackjob wouldn't leave Rex alone. Normally he was around Rex most of the day, but now he kept making excuses to stick by Rex's side. Rex tried to ignore him, but the medic was hard to ignore when he kept shouting encouragement during sims and trying to force Rex to do better. Rex suspected that Hackjob rigged one sim to be a level seven when Rex had inputted a level two. Rex had been taken out after about thirty seconds.

Neya Ha was acting oddly as well. He came more and more often to watch the sims, and had upped Rex's meetings with him to once every few days.

Neya Ha came in after a few minutes.

"I apologize for keeping you waiting." He said. "I was speaking with Hackjob."

Rex grunted in reply.

"How are you feeling?" Neya Ha went on.

"Fine."

There was a pause.

"Please tell me the truth." Neya Ha said.

"I am telling the truth." Rex said.

"You know I am in constant communication with Hackjob about your mental state. I have also been observing you personally for a time." Neya Ha said. "'Fine' is an incorrect summation of your status."

Rex stayed silent.

"Very well. I will once again accept your blatant falsehoods and come to the reason we are meeting today."

Neya Ha paused and carefully peered at Rex.

"Hackjob has been reassigned."

"What?" Rex said. "I thought he was assigned to me until the end!"

"We developed a timeline of your recovery and provided it to the GAR." Neya Ha said. "According to it, you were at least supposed to be ready for minor missions. This is not the case. The GAR has accepted that you are not ready for duty as of yet, but they require Hackjob for other duties."

Neya Ha's voice was slightly melancholy, though his words were all business. Panic was quickly freezing and burning Rex's face.

"Hackjob is one of the most efficient medics in the GAR." Neya Ha said. "There has been a shortage of medical personnel. He is needed and I can no longer delay his reassignment."

Rex swallowed the urge to protest that he needed Hackjob too. As much as he was annoyed and frustrated by the medic, Hackjob was one of the only reasons Rex could even pretend to keep going.

"In fact, the majority of the medics stationed here are being returned to the battlefield." Neya Ha went on.

It was another blow. His brothers would be leaving? Rex didn't spend much time with the other medics, but there was always comfort in having vod'e around.

"I am permitted to stay. Since the clone medics are being transferred, the station will be staffed by Kaminoan doctors." Neya Ha went on.

Rex gritted his teeth, trying to reign in his panic. He didn't know if he could stand the necessary examinations under only a long neck's hands, even if it were a more amicable Kaminoan like Neya Ha. Rex would be alone, something a clone should never be.

"We are running out of time." Neya Ha said. "Both with our time with Hackjob and with the patience of the GAR and Kaminoans."

Rex almost wilted with relief at that. He was tired, so, so tired. It was almost time to rest. He would only have to endure the Kaminoans for a little while.

"You must improve, Rex." Neya Ha said.

"And if that's not possible?" Rex asked.

An emotion Rex couldn't identify flashed across Neya Ha's eyes.

"It is." He said simply.

Rex didn't believe him.

Rex spent Hackjob's final week avoiding the medic. He took to wandering the halls of the med center, dodging the medics who would immediately drag him back to Hackjob. Hackjob was still insisting, with some sort of desperation, that Rex try harder and harder sims. It wasn't working of course. Rex knew it wouldn't.

It finally came to the last day. Rex was woken by Hackjob, who was solemn as he shook Rex's shoulder.

"Rex." He said. "Stay with me today, okay?"

Rex felt a jolt of guilt at Hackjob's sober expression. Hackjob had given so much to Rex in an attempt to heal him. Rex could spend a final day with his brother.

"I was thinking I could join you in the sims today." Hackjob said as they ate breakfast. "Maybe it'll give you a boost."

Rex agreed, though he thought it strange that Hackjob hadn't thought of it before.

They made their way to the sim rooms. Rex was apprehensive. Hackjob would surely insist on doing a higher level sim, especially with two troopers. Hackjob looked both odd and at home in armor. The white was unmarked, save for the medic's symbol on his pauldron. Rex was right, watching with a sinking stomach as Hackjob selected a level seven simulation.

"You'll have to carry me in this." Hackjob said as the droids began to power up. "I haven't been in combat in a while, brother."

Rex didn't reply and just watched the simulation set up. The droids slowly rose from their places in the ground. Rex swung his arms back and forth as the droid's eyes began to glow. They pointed their weapons straight at Rex and Hackjob. Rex settled into what he knew was a poor excuse for a battle stance. A droid made the first shot. Adrenaline like Rex hadn't felt for weeks shot through his veins at the noise. The shot hit inches from Rex's foot. Rex stared at the blackened mark on the floor.

It wasn't the sound of a normal training bolt.

It was the sound of a live round.

Rex jerked his head to stare at Hackjob, who stared back silently. A thousand thoughts raced in Rex's head in a split second. The safety protocols had been turned off. Hackjob had turned them off. They were going to die because Hackjob couldn't get it out of his brain that Rex was still worth saving.

First and foremost of all these thoughts was that Hackjob was completely and utterly dini'la.

Rex's body moved without him thinking. He tackled Hackjob and dragged him to the only piece of cover in the whole room: a tiny plate of metal that barely covered both of them. Shots rained on the metal, pinging as they dispersed. Rex thanked the Force the plate was made of durasteel.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Rex shouted at Hackjob. "We have to turn this off!"

"Good luck with that." Hackjob said "It takes around fifteen seconds to turn this off without the right permissions. Which you don't have."

"Turn it off!" Rex said.

"No." Hackjob said. "I guess I'm a hard gambler, because I'm betting my life that you can get us out of this."

"You-" Rex started, but his mind was racing.

He was not about to let a brother die on his watch, especially one like Hackjob. Even if he had a death wish.

"Should have named you Jaro." Rex muttered as he peered over the cover.

Twenty droids. Five on the back wall at several different heights. One had been lowered into the room on a platform from the ceiling. Seven were scattered on the higher level on the left, and seven were on the higher level on the right. All of them had the high ground. Several of those droids had excellent cover, while Hackjob and Rex didn't have much. Rex recognized this program as one to be completed by a team of four or five, not two. Hackjob was a medic, one that hadn't seen battle in months.

"Name was taken." Hackjob said.

"For once you are going to need to listen to me." Rex said. "Or else we're both dead."

"Yes, sir." Hackjob said.

Rex wanted to smack the smug tone out of the medic's voice.

"We need more cover." Rex said.

"Don't have much here." Hackjob said.

"We'll make some." Rex said. "Switch your blaster to kill. I don't give a damn how much damage we do."

Hackjob did so while Rex peeked over the top again. There was one droid, positioned on a platform that had descended from the ceiling. Rex relayed the information to Hackjob.

"We're going to shoot the supports." Rex said. "You take the right, I'll take the left. Then we have to move to where it falls. We'll use it as cover."

Hackjob gave a nod.

"Go, go, go!" Rex said as he dove from behind the cover.

He couldn't check if Hackjob was doing what he needed to. He had to focus on his own actions. His mind felt mostly empty, with only the conscious thought that Hackjob was not going to die today.

Rex ducked under the bolts as he ran and shot. Each support needed at least three shots to break. Rex managed to do both after firing eight times. Not his best record, but Rex could feel something in his hands. He had been trying to use the gauntlets as if they were his hands. He could feel now that that couldn't be. He needed to change his approach.

A groaning creak told Rex that Hackjob had done his part. The platform crashed to the ground, sending the droid it held flying. Rex and Hackjob heaved it up at the same time and dragged it backwards, shooting as they moved back. Rex was impressed to see Hackjob take out three separate droids. Rex himself got four. Eight down, twelve to go, and they had taken out all of the droids on the back wall. They paused for a breather, but Rex realized with a jolt that the blaster bolts were wearing down the metal. The durasteel was too thin.

"We need to move, now!" Rex ordered.

Hackjob helped him lift their new cover.

"Focus on the left side." Rex ordered. "We'll have more room to work with."

Hackjob immediately began firing as Rex pushed the cover forward.

"Good to go!" Hackjob said.

Rex maneuvered the shield to face the right side of the room. He led Hackjob diagonally forward, still shooting, when a noise caught his attention. It was from behind them.

"Down!" Rex ordered.

Hackjob dropped with Rex. The metal fell backwards onto them, crashing into Rex's back. It was just in time to stop the droid behind them from shooting Hackjob's brains out. Rex maneuvered himself so he could look back. The droid was barely visible from their position. No wonder Hackjob had missed it.

"I'll draw its fire." Rex said. "You keep going on the rest."

Rex rolled from the metal immediately, pushing himself to his feet and shooting at the obscured droid. He needed to get to a better vantage point. The droid and a few others shot rapidly at them. His feet moved him in between the bolts. He felt clumsier and slower than he used to be, but even as he ran he made small adjustments to the way he moved his legs. He could feel himself move a little more smoothly. Finally he got to the point where he had a clear shot.

"Kriffing clanker." Rex muttered as he took the shot.

The droid fell over with a glowing hole in its chest. The bolts coming for Rex were fewer, but as he ran for cover, a stray blast pierced his good calf. Rex hissed as he crashed into the ground, but managed to scuttle on his hands and knees to their original cover. He peered over to see that Hackjob had destroyed most of the remaining droids. With Rex firing from his position, the blaster fire finally stopped.

Rex limped out from behind the metal plate, removing his helmet. Hackjob began walking towards him. He had a black scorch mark on his forearm, but he was alive. He was alive because of Rex. Something stirred in Rex, something quiet, but resolute. He wasn't at what he used to be, but he had done better today than he had ever done on the station.

Weariness pushed at the feeling as he met Hackjob halfway.

"Are you okay?" Rex asked him.

"Nothing a little bacta won't fix." Hackjob took off his bucket and studied Rex seriously. "Do you understand now, vod?"

Rex swallowed.

"I think so." He said. "But if I can only perform if a brother is in danger-"

"That's not the point." Hackjob said. "The important thing is that you have the capability."

Rex was silent. That capability was locked behind specific situations. How could he be relied on in battle?

"You know what you can do now." Hackjob said. "You know what you can strive for. You can push harder."

Instead of feeling reassured, Rex only felt exhausted.

"I know." Rex said. "I'm just- I'm just tired, Hack."

Hackjob reached out and pressed his forehead against Rex's.

"I'm sorry, vod." He said. "If anyone deserves rest, it's you. But too many people are relying on you. Please, for their sake and mine, keep going."

Rex closed his eyes as Hackjob released him. Today he had seen what he needed to change, what he could change. He was tired, but he knew what he had to do. And he would do it.

The morning meal the next day was subdued. Nearly no one spoke. Even Hackjob had little to say. Rex would have thought they would be a little excited for combat. They were clones after all. Then again, medics were medics for a reason.

Then the moment came and Rex found himself in the hanger watching clones and supplies alike be packed into transports. Hackjob reached out and grasped Rex's arm.

"Work hard, Rex." He said seriously.

"Take care of yourself." Rex said quietly. "Ret'urcye mhi, vod."

Hackjob gave a wan smile.

"Ret'urcye mhi." He replied.

Then he was gone, the transport took off, and Rex was left alone. He stared out of the hanger, following the ships with his eyes as they transported the medics to the Venator above.

Then he turned slowly around and walked back into the station. He made his way to his usual exercise room. Neya Ha was waiting for him there.

"Hackjob has left?" Neya Ha asked as Rex settled himself down.

"Yeah." Rex said shortly.

"I would like to perform a physical before the other Kaminoans arrive." Neya Ha said.

Rex looked sharply at the doctor. Neya Ha knew Rex still struggled with procedures like that, even with Hackjob.

"Why didn't you do it yesterday?" He asked.

They had had time; Hackjob and Rex had spent the rest of the day just exercising.

"Hackjob wanted you to have a relatively stress-free day." Neya Ha said. "And we could not do it earlier due to your- attitude."

Rex winced.

"I thought you would prefer the physical without the other Kaminoans." Neya Ha went on.

Rex very much would have liked to not have the other Kaminoans leering at him during such a vulnerable process, but he still balked at the idea of Neya Ha doing it.

"Sawbones is still around." Rex said. "Couldn't he-"

"Sawbones is currently the only on duty medic on the station." Neya Ha said gently. "I am sorry, Rex, but I am your only option."

Rex sighed and ran a hand through his hair. It was getting a bit longer. He really needed to shave it.

"All right." He conceded.

Rex endured the physical far better than he had anticipated. Still, only half way through and he was sweaty and tense.

"I apologize that this is such a distressing experience for you." The doctor said, pausing in his work. "Would it be beneficial if I spoke as Hackjob does?"

"I-I don't know." Rex said. "It's different with Hackjob."

He resisted the urge to add that it was because Hackjob was his brother, and not a long neck scientist. He immediately felt bad for thinking poorly of Neya Ha. The doctor was almost a sort of friend.

Neya Ha finished and retrieved the serotonin simulator. He seemed thoughtful as he placed it on Rex's head. Rex lay back and closed his eyes.

"I know you are prejudiced against my kind." Neya Ha spoke suddenly after Rex had finally gotten comfortable.

Rex blinked his eyes open and glanced at the doctor, who was sitting in a nearby chair.

"You have good reason to." Neya Ha went on. "The Kaminoans can be cruel and ruthless and certainly have been so towards the clones."

Rex turned and met Neya Ha's placid gaze. He wanted to ask what the Kaminoans had done to him.

"I will be honest with you." Neya Ha said. "Things will be different when the Kaminoan doctors come tomorrow."

"You think?" Rex muttered.

"Not only in a general way. I will be different." Neya Ha said. "I will have to be different."

Rex furrowed his brow.

"What do you mean?"

"Up until this point I have been able to act as myself in your company. This is not possible with other Kaminoans. I would like to apologize for anything I may say from now on that may upset you."

Neya Ha seemed to be the one who was upset. He rubbed his long fingers together.

"It is not ideal for your mental recovery." He said. "But it is necessary."

"So you'll be acting like all the other Kaminoans." Rex said.

"Yes." Neya Ha said. "I am sorry."

Rex shrugged.

"We're used to them." He said flatly.

"That does not mean that how they treat you is right." Neya Ha said.

"No, but it's just how things are." Rex said. "I'll be all right."

He didn't know if that was true. In fact, he was terrified. He was losing, in a way, his only support left. How was he supposed to do this?

Mandoa:

Urcye Mhi: we'll meet again, modified version of traditional farewell

Ret'urcye Mhi: maybe we'll meet again, traditional farewell

vod'e: brothers

dini'la: insane

Jaro: death wish, insane act of reckless stupidity

vod: brother

Removing Rex's supports one by one! I'm just mean to him, in both my fics. But Hackjob manages to get that spark back into Rex, if at least a little. Poor Ahsoka, having to deal with a suddenly very withdrawn Rex. She knows it would be a horrible misuse of trust to break into his mind, so she'll hold off. For now. Don't worry, things should maybe start looking up a little. Ugh. I keep thinking of the OG version of this section and how terrible it was. It's much better now.

I've used it somewhat so far in my fics, but in case you were wondering, when the clones press their foreheads together, it's based on a Maori greeting called the Hongi. I use it more here as an expression of affection and love, rather than a greeting.

Happy Halloween to those who celebrate! I carved Ahsoka and clone pumpkins and I'm going to be dressing up in my thrift store Jedi costume to go with my nieces and nephew when they go trick or treating. I'm really excited.

Wear your masks, remember to review, and have a spooky Halloween!