Going back to the dojo without his mohawk, was one of the hardest things Eli had ever done.

And yet—

It was the only place he could think about going to, after leaving Sky in the hospital. He couldn't go home, he couldn't face Mom, not yet. She would cry and she would make a fuss and he knew she meant well, but he just couldn't take that now, not as long as everything in him was an open, raw wound. Her tears and her shock would make him feel a thousand times worse and the fragile threads that were keeping him together would snap, and he would fall apart. He couldn't go home until he could at least look Mom in the eye and lie to her face that he was fine, fine, just fine, that this wasn't a big deal.

Fine. Right. As if he would ever be fine again after tonight.

His hair was gone, and with that his soul, his heart, everything that had made him what he was. But what really killed him, was the way he had failed Sky, failed her when she had needed him the most. Seeing Kyler torture her, hearing her panicked cries and pleas, being unable to do anything to stop it—

He couldn't take it. It was unbearable.

She had been so fucking scared, and he knew why, he knew Kyler scared her the same way Matt had. That when Kyler shoved his hand under her skirt and—

—and Eli didn't even want to think about what Kyler had done, how he had touched her. But it must have been bad, because afterward, Sky had cried, huge, silent tears, wrapping her arms around her body like she was scared her insides would fall out if she let go. And— what hurt the most - she had pushed him away when he had tried to touch her.

It made him feel like there was a cold stone in his stomach, sucking out his will to live.

Sky had been forced to relive one of her worst nightmares in that room. And what had he done?

Nothing.

He hadn't been able to protect her in any way. He could never look her in the eye again. She would never want him to, not after this.

Should've been just me in there. Sky wouldn't have even been there, had I not asked her to go with me. She trusted she would be safe with me, and I fucking failed her. It's my fault, all of it.

Eli stopped at the entrance of Miyagi-Do, resting his hand on top of the gate for a couple of heartbeats. The night was dark but warm, the parking lot was full of cars, he heard voices, sounds of combat, and excited shouts. Suddenly he remembered this was the night the senseis were going to have their death match, of which he had been so fucking excited. Now it felt pointless, stupid even. What did any of that matter now? He wasn't even sure he would continue Karate after this. He wasn't Hawk anymore, just Eli, and Eli was a pathetic pussy. He didn't even deserve to be here without his hair. God, what was he even going to say to them, to his friends, to his Senseis?

More than anything, he wished he weren't alone, that Sky could have come with him. He wished she were here, taking his hand, so they could have walked in together. She would have looked at him, love in her eyes, and told him it was all going to be okay—

But he was fucking kidding himself. Nothing was ever going to be okay again. Sky would never take his hand again. She would never trust him again and for a reason. The kiss they had shared in front of the tattoo parlor was the last kiss he would ever get from her and what had just begun to grow between them, was over before it had even truly started.

That thought was more painful than anything that had happened tonight. Losing his hair was one thing, but losing Sky was a dagger to his heart.

He had been about to ask her to the prom. And there had been such light in her eyes, a hesitant smile in the corner of her mouth, She had been about to say yes, but now—

Never. That's never going to happen now. I couldn't save her. I couldn't keep her safe. I never deserved her.

And from somewhere an awful thought slithered into his mind, like a snake, evil and unwelcome. A memory from months ago, when he had tried to make Kyler pay for attacking Sky at the LaRusso house fight, the moments in Kyler's kitchen when he had for once worked together with Cody, beating the shit out of Kyler, until—

Why, oh why, oh why did I stop Cody? He would have fucking taken care of that asshole, he would've shot Kyler in the face. Had I said nothing, Kyler would be dead now, and Cody would be alive - in prison, sure, but alive - and Sky— fuck, Sky would be okay, she never would have had to deal with Cody's death or Kyler attacking her like that, or—

The taste of regret was bitter, it was impossible to swallow. Instead of Kyler, it was Cody who had taken a bullet in the head. He was dead, he couldn't protect Sky anymore. And Hawk was dead too, he was nothing but a pile of purple hair on the floor of the tattoo parlor, and all that remained was Eli, who was just as incapable of protecting Sky as Cody who was six feet under.

The weight of that thought was too much. It pulled his shoulders down, it filled his eyes with tears, pathetic, shameful, burning tears. His breathing came in ragged, painful gasps, almost sobs.

My fault. All of it.

His hand was heavy when he pushed open the gates and walked into the dojo, following the voices of his friends. He found them gathered in a group in front of the sparring deck, their attention fixed on a phone screen. They didn't notice him at first, his slow, dragging steps, not until he was close to their group to which he was already an outsider.

"Hawk?" Asked Miguel frowning and stepped down from the sparring deck. Demetri's worried "Shit, Eli, what happened?" followed instantly.

Hearing that name, Eli, from Demetri's lips felt like an arrow through his chest. Of course, he would say that, Demetri who had never stopped calling him Eli. Demetri, who had always seen him for what he was - not Hawk, but just Eli.

Well, that at least was true now.

No words came out of Eli's thick throat, the knot in his stomach had stolen his voice. His hand was slow and heavy as he forced it up and pulled the hood off his head, revealing the awful, gut-wrenching reality to everyone.

Gasps of shock and horror followed, and Eli looked down, his shoulders sagging. He wanted to disappear, to run away, to dig a hole in the ground and bury himself alive. He should've just gone home - this was even worse than meeting Mom would have been.

"Who did this?"

That was Johnny who had pushed through the shocked crowd. His face was blank, shocked edged with anger that would soon burst through.

"Cobra Kai." Eli's voice came out raspy, broken, sounding almost like a question.

Because a question it was, even if he hadn't realized that before. A question he wanted his senseis to answer - what now, what now that Cobra Kai had crossed this line, what now that they had killed Hawk and put Sky in the hospital? What now?

He wanted to cry that out, he wanted someone, anyone, to answer that. He wanted Johnny and Mr. Larusso to step up and tell him it was all going to be okay, that they knew what to do, that they would take care of this, and somehow everything was going to be fine again, but—

"Kreese and Silver did this. They need to pay," said Johnny, his eyes and his attention already turning back to Mr. La Russo.

Eli pulled his hood back on, clenching his jaw. His chest felt even tighter than before, the tears weren't far away.

"Jesus, Johnny, please—" Mr. Larusso sighed. "Kreese tried to kill you last time. What, do you wanna fight them both?"

"Damn right. Look what they did!"

"Dousing the fire with gasoline, that's your answer? Why am I not surprised."

"Sensei, stop!" cut in Miguel, but no one was listening to him, like no one was listening to Eli either. These two men, too deep in their stupid war, to listen, to stop for a one moment, to even care that—

"They put Sky in the hospital," Eli rasped, forcing his desperate words out, saying what he should have said in the first place. Because if the senseis didn't care about his hair, then surely they would care about Sky, about what Cobra Kai had done to her? "She's— she's in the fucking hospital, and all you care about is your stupid fight?"

He had to stop to breathe, to try to make his voice not break at every word.

"Sky was with you?" that was Sam, her worried, dark blue eyes widening as she walked closer to him and laid a hand on his arm. "Oh my God, what happened?"

Eli suppressed the tears that wanted to break free again and pulled his arm away. He didn't deserve Sam's kindness, her support. He had let Sky down, and Sam would soon see that, they would all see it, and realize what a loser he had become.

"Tory— she hit her in the face so that her head— bumped against the wall," he cleared his throat. "Sky isn't— she isn't supposed to get hit in the head again, not after—"

He swallowed the end of that sentence. Not after the school fight, where he had also failed her by leaving her side, and the fight at Sam's home last Christmas, where he had again failed Sky by leading Kyler and Tory right to her.

When was it ever not his fault that she suffered? Eli's heart was breaking. Sky would have been better off having never met him at all.

"Jesus, is she okay?" breathed Miguel.

"I don't know. They— they cut her hair. And Kyler— he choked her, and—" he stopped talking mid-sentence, not knowing if Sky would want anyone to know what Kyler had truly done, but the realization that set on Sam's face, and Miguel's, told Eli that they understood, even without words. "Her dad— he took her to the hospital. He said he was gonna call the police."

Sam's eyes looked like the sea before a storm, she crossed her arms over her chest. "I hope he does! About time someone does something about Cobra Kai! Those assholes broke the no-fighting rule, they attacked Sky and Eli— they should pay for that. If the police won't take care of them, then we need to!"

"Sam, no—" Mr. LaRusso's voice was exasperated. "I understand that you are upset, but answering this with more violence will only make things worse."

"You still think your way is the only way," Johnny turned to Mr. LaRusso, his voice shaking with anger. "This was bound to happen, it's been cooking for weeks. You were so proud when the kids pulled their little sprinkler prank. But if they stood their ground and kicked some ass like I taught them, this never would've happened!"

"If they fight every time they're provoked, where does that lead? Back to the hospital? Or to the jail?"

"Well Sky is already back in the hospital," Johnny spat out angrily. "And she got there by following your way. Your way. This is on you, LaRusso."

"On me? You're seriously trying to put this on me? You started Cobra Kai! None of this would have happened, had you not been arrogant and stupid enough to think you could be a sensei—"

"Enough, Dad!" Sam interrupted, forcing her father to face her. Her voice was shaking with emotion. "Johnny is right! It doesn't matter how many times we stand up to Cobra Kai. If we don't strike back, they're gonna keep coming at us! They cut Hawk's hair! Sky is in the hospital! And you don't want to do anything about it?"

Mr. LaRusso looked at Sam like his heart was breaking, like Sam's words caused him physical pain. Slowly he turned back to Johnny, the lines on his tired face revealing how deep this hurt ran.

"And you were worried about my influence on your kids? Is this what you want Johnny? To have my daughter and the rest of my students acting like you?"

"Well, you don't have to worry about that anymore. 'Cause we are done." Johnny replied, finality in his voice, and suddenly Eli realized what this meant. Everything they had tried to build here, the joining of the dojos, making friends of Eagle Fangs and Miyagi-Dos, building the Okinawan sparring deck together—

It had all been for nothing. It all ended here tonight. And maybe it had been him, who had brought the last straw that had broken the camel's back.

"Works for me," stated Mr. LaRusso darkly, not seeing the way Miguel and Sam glanced at him with widening eyes as if they couldn't believe this was really happening.

"Eagle Fangs, let's go," said Johnny, and turned to walk away, expecting his students to follow him, but all Eli could think about was—

I don't wanna go. I wanna stay here.

Because every instinct in him was screaming not to walk away. This dojo meant the world to him. Miyagi Do karate was the style he liked the most. This was the place where he wanted to stay, to learn more about himself, to learn balance, to maybe someday grow into a person who wasn't driven just by hate and regret. But there was no strength in him to force those words out. He had tried. He had tried to make Johnny and Mr. LaRusso hear him, to really hear him, to make them see what had happened and how it was fucking killing him, how broken he was, how much he needed them, both of them, and how he needed this place to be the safe haven that would save them all.

But he wasn't Hawk anymore, he was just Eli. No one heard him, no one understood. His voice was too silent, it meant nothing to anyone. So he swallowed the words that tried to crawl up his throat, swallowed them down deep into his gut where he locked them up.

The wind was blowing right through him, carving him hollow.

Not only had he lost his hair, and Sky. He had also lost the only dojo he had ever felt at home.

He hadn't thought one could die twice in such a short time, but that's how it felt like. His heart was ripped out of his chest, and he left it behind, left it on the grass next to the Koi Pond, pushed his hands deeper into the pockets of his hoodie, and followed Johnny and Miguel out.