Dear readers, I have the next chapter ready unexpectedly fast:)

I probably should have waited, but I don't like it that way. If there's something to share, I'll share it:)

Enjoy reading:)

P.S. So, Scarlett is going through a difficult time after her miscarriage. Rhett doesn't know how to get close to her. Time for action.

P.P.S. I didn't plan on emphasising the children in this story, but, light touches of them will be here, especially little Bonnie:)

I own nothing in regard to GWTW.

Chapter 4.

After the miscarriage, Scarlett had drifted away from everyone, especially Rhett, who for some reason shadowed her and she often caught his brooding gaze. She didn't look at him, didn't look him in the eye. That conversation in the study echoed in her ears every time she closed her eyes. She avoided him, avoided being alone with him in the same room because she was afraid he would say something else that would finally kill what was left of her strength inside.

She stayed close to the children, though it wasn't easy to listen to their loud cheers or Bonnie and Ella's arguments over the another doll, but it was clearly better than talking to Rhett.

In general, the children were very drawn to their mother after seeing her, always so active and strong, pale and lying in bed. Melanie brought them in the same day, despite Rhett's entreaties to Scarlett to bear for a couple of days and get stronger. Scarlett, without looking her husband in the eye, quietly but insistently asked him to grant her wish and Rhett lowered his arms.

Wade and Ella looked at their mother with quiet excitement as they came to the bedroom with Melanie, hesitant to approach first. Bonnie, however, quickly jumped out of her father's arms and jumped on Scarlett's bed with a cry of, "Mummy," nearly hitting her on the belly.

"Bonnie!" came Rhett's worried and harsh voice and Scarlett looked up at her always so calmly husband with surprise. She'd never heard him raise his voice at all to the children, especially Bonnie.

Bonnie threw her arms around her mother and hugged her tightly around her neck, and Scarlett hugged her daughter back.

"Bonnie," Rhett addressed her more calmly, "your mother's been a little sick and isn't as strong now. And you have to be careful with your mother, take care of her," he explained, and Bonnie just nodded, while Scarlett tried to look anywhere but at Rhett, who was trying to catch her eye.

When, a little later, the children were settled on the bed with her, and Rhett was talking quietly with Melanie by the window, Scarlett looked at her son and daughters once more.

Wade was worried about his mother's health, as he was used to her always being strong and leading everyone. They together had lived through the war years and the starvation in Tara and he remembered a lot of things on a instinct level.

Ella, on the other hand, was very gentle and curled up like a kitten against her mother's shoulder and chest, on the side where Bonnie wasn't twirling, and took Scarlett's hand and stroked her fingers affectionately.

It was about Ella that Scarlett worried. In that brief moment when she had been sick and thought something might happen to her, it was Ella that first came to her mind. Wade was a Hamilton, he had a lot of relatives, Bonnie was a Butler, she had a father. But, Ella... "She only has me," Scarlett thought sadly and fondly as she watched her daughter.

Rhett escorted Melanie, who had quietly withdrawn so as not to disturb the family, walked over to the headboard of the bed and sat in a chair, closer to Scarlett and Ella. Bonnie was telling another story, which Wade complemented, and Rhett , first stroked Ella's curls and then noticed her, gently holding her mother's hand. He reached out his hand to their hands and gently cupped his palm over theirs.

Ella only smiled, but Scarlett's reaction when she felt his warm palm on hers was the same as last night. Gently she pulled her hand out from under his and simply began to stroke her daughter's curls. Her heart pounded frantically, and Rhett closed his eyes for a second and sighed heavily.

Scarlett had drifted away from Mammy and Melanie, the two people closest to her, since they were no longer interested in her well-being, but were constantly pushing her to talk to her husband, who "needed support."

"Support?!" she thought to herself, faintly indignant, "and he's the one who needs support? A man who didn't want this baby? A man who thought that baby was a bastard..." at these thoughts, Scarlett began to tremble... "You're too good an actor, Rhett Butler, Bravo!" she thought to herself and smiled bitterly.

Her business was no longer of interest to her either. At least she didn't have the heart for it. She just didn't want to see Ashley after that incident. He turned out to be a coward, didn't protect her, and let the whole town think she was a whore. Is that the behaviour of a loving man or a friend?

When Rhett had hinted that she might sell the sawmills, all she had asked was for the papers to be prepared. They were cursed and didn't bring her happiness. She still had the shop, in case of income, and part of Tara. The sawmills didn't interest her anymore, something burned out in her soul.

Scarlett realized that she liked to work, to have an income and a business, but after the loss of her baby she didn't have the mental strength and energy for it yet.

"I'll think of something, but later...Later," Scarlett thought as she signed the sawmill sale papers without looking at Rhett, who was drilling her with a gaze. He was discouraged that she had taken this step so easily. "She really doesn't need Wilkes, does she? She hasn't asked a single question about him..." he silently asked himself as he watched her walk up the stairs to her room, barely answering a couple of his questions.

The shop didn't appeal to her, either. It ran itself, and why would she want to be there, putting more towels on the shelves or cups in the window? She could barely bring herself to look through the books from the shop. She didn't care.

The entire staff seemed determined to terrorise her with their questions. Every time the cook once again asked what to make for dinner or the coachman asked about her schedule, she wanted to scream.

In reality, the staff was only following instructions. There were her instructions. That Scarlett. The old Scarlett. But what could be done about the fact that she was gone? All that was left was a shell who, when asked by the cook, "What's for dinner, Miss Scarlett?" only replied tiredly, "Anything you want. I don't care. Ask Mr Butler."

It was the quiet hysteria that unfolded in her soul every day, but unseen by others. And Scarlett realized she had to run. Urgently and quickly, otherwise she couldn't save herself, and she had no one to count on. She had always been the one to save everyone, and it was only her inner strength that kept her going. A strength that was almost gone now.

She looked in the mirror and wondered how she had changed from that young girl in the white muslin dress into this woman. The woman in that bright red dress Rhett had dressed her in for that party. The dress she hadn't wanted to wear that night.

She looked in the mirror and what she saw there, she didn't like. It seemed to her that she had reached the bottom and that if she didn't push off now and do something about it, she would simply drown.

She wondered where she should go, whether Rhett would let Bonnie go with them, whether to take Prissy with them...

She'd dismissed the Tara right away; she'd only go there to check on the reports with Will and that was it. Where to escape to...

She dismissed Charleston too, because her aunts and Rhett's mother lived there, and she had no desire to meet them or stay at their places. Augusta, Marietta. No... She thought of Savannah and suddenly the idea resonated in her heart.

Yes, her grandfather lived there, but they didn't communicate, so there was no need to visit. Her father's relatives also lived there, but they hardly kept in touch. She decided that if she wanted to visit them, she would.

"So," she thought to herself, looking out of her bedroom window at the garden where the children were playing, "Savannah... We're going to Savannah."

The only thing left to do was to talk to her husband.

Rhett felt like he was living in a nightmare where Scarlett was constantly moving away. He'd take a step toward her, but she'd take two steps away from him. She was with the children constantly, and if she was alone in the room and he came in to try to talk to her, he would see an incomprehensible fear in her eyes and she would fly away from him like a frightened bird.

He was puzzled by this behaviour of hers, his soul was torn with unspoken apologies. He just wanted to put his arms around her, hold her close and not let her go. How he wanted that...

One day, he found her near the study, standing at the door, hesitant to enter. He decided that now, now they would solve all these misunderstandings at the place where it all started. He approached her from behind, she was so thin, thin neck, fragile shoulders and her hair was bunched up that day. He saw a few strands of her hair at the back of her neck and it took all his willpower not to gently touch those strands, then move them and gently kiss her neck.

He moved closer to her then, almost putting his arms around her shoulders, and said softly to her, "Scarlett... I'm..."

But, she flinched at his presence, then turning quickly towards him, he saw the worry and anxiety in her green eyes.

"I'm sorry," she said calmly, "I need to go upstairs to my room, I forgot... I forgot the books from the shop," and without letting him finish, she quickly gone away and only the subtle scent of her lavender perfume reminded him that she had been there just now.

Rhett looked into the study and then saw the shop's books on the table. He swallowed and sighed heavily. She was getting further and further away from him and it was scaring.

Rhett could see that Scarlett was physically better, even though she continued to suffer from a lack of appetite and barely ate half a portion.

Rhett himself consulted with Dr Meade separately. He also asked the doctor privately if they could have more children, if it would be dangerous to her health. Rhett himself didn't know why he was asking this, with their current relationship they could hardly be called married. But, the doctor smiled at him and assured him that it was okay for Scarlett to have children, it was just an unpleasant incident. When Rhett asked about the reasons, the doctor said that there may have been problems in the body of the mother or the baby, perhaps it was stress (at these words Rhett turned pale) or injuries.

The psychological side of her recovery worried Rhett even more. They were very distant; she was quiet, indifferent, and only the children made her smile faintly.

He longed so much to talk to her, but she always slipped away. But one evening, almost a month after the incident, she came to him in the parlour where he was trying to read.

"I wanted to talk to you," she began the conversation, staring blankly out the window. "I'd like to get away. With the children."

He only nodded.

"I'd like to take Bonnie with me, too," she said quietly.

"Darling, I don't think Bonnie is cut out for country life, she wouldn't be comfortable there," Rhett answered her. Inside he was troubled. He didn't want to let her go now and he was sure that if he didn't let Bonnie go with her, she would be gone for a week at most. He had seen how close she had become with the children this month, especially their youngest daughter. He admitted to himself that it was the most beautiful thing he saw when he caught her in the nursery or in the parlour surrounded by the children. She didn't see herself from the outside, but she could be a loving mother.

In his dreams he often saw himself in this picture, sitting next to her and putting his hands on her rounded belly. He wished they had a family. A real family.

Scarlett listened carefully to his answer about his youngest daughter and sighed heavily. She was pretty sure he wouldn't let her go with him, but inviting him with them to break her heart the way it was breaking here day by day wasn't part of her plan. She didn't want to fight with him now, for the first time she thought it was good to act mature with him.

"I'm not going to Tara," she said calmly, catching his questioning look. "I mean, I'll be in Tara for a couple of days, we'll check things out with Will, and I don't want to stay there." She fell silent, praying he wouldn't ask for a reason. Suellen was expecting a baby too, they had the same due date and seeing her now would be unbearable.

"Where do you want to go?"

"To Savannah. It's my mother's childhood town. And, I was going to ask you to organize everything, if we leave in three days, we'll be there by the end of the week...Is that possible?" she asked him, knowing he didn't have to help her.

He just nodded and said, "I'll organize it."

Scarlett looked at him gratefully and called him by his first name for the first time this month, "Thank you, Rhett."

He flinched and almost smiled, but the next thing he heard was something that made his heart plummet and his breathing begin to hitch.

"I... You... You offered me a divorce then, before you left with Bonnie," she began the conversation that was tearing at her soul, for she had admitted during those bitter months of his absence that she had felt something for him. Perhaps it was love. But, after his arrival, after that conversation, she realized everything. They didn't stand a chance, he didn't want her. He didn't want their baby.

Rhett swallowed nervously and tried to joke, "Any plans for a new marriage, my pet?"

"No, thank you, I've had enough," she replied quietly, and tried to explain, "Since we don't love each other," she turned pale at these words (she was no good at lying), but continued, "so as not to poison each other's lives..."

"I think it would be terrible for our children's reputations, you realize that," he interrupted her sharply. This conversation was driving him mad and every word brought incredible pain.

"Yes, that's true... But... Maybe you can work something out for us," she continued. Seeing him was unbearable and painful, "He probably hates seeing me too," she thought.

"Are you so disgusted to see me in this house, Scarlett?" he asked with a bitter smile.

She shrugged her shoulders and decided not to continue this conversation now, but said one last thing, "Maybe you'll have some thoughts while the children and I are gone," and with a nod she quickly left the parlour.

And a couple of days after that conversation they found themselves standing at the station by the train.

The children had already taken their seats by the window with Prissy, and Scarlett was about to sit down. Rhett was looking at her, not knowing what to say. She stood beside him, so beautiful and beloved, in her travelling blue dress, that his heart sank with love and tenderness. She was so pale,so thin and her eyes... Her gaze was indifferent.

Scarlett stood there, not knowing what to say. She didn't know how long she would be gone, didn't know when she would see her youngest daughter, her Bonnie, who had cried before they left and wanted to go "With Mummy" but Rhett was adamant. Then Scarlett crouched down in front of her and looking into her daughter's sad blue eyes, gently stroked her cheek and whispered, "Bonnie, baby, you're coming, just a little later. Your daddy will bring you, he's just finishing his business. Mammy and Aunt Melly are with you and you can always play with Beau."

Bonnie looked back and forth at her and then at Rhett, who was listening intently to their conversation and suddenly, turned sharply to her father and asked with all the sternness of a child, "Daddy, why aren't we going with Mummy? Why are you letting her go alone, Daddy?"

Rhett swallowed nervously, for he was wondering the same question, why he was letting her go now, when his whole heart was bursting with pain and unspoken apologies.

"Bonnie, baby, your mother's right and we'll come to them later with a bunch of presents. We'll pick them out together, won't we, Honey?"

Bonnie looked at him incredulously and asked, "We're going to pick them all out? Both Wade and Ella?" He nodded, smiling slightly, and Scarlett watched sadly as he once again 'bought' his daughter's attention as well.

"We'll buy Mummy one too, Daddy, won't we?" their daughter insisted. Rhett only nodded.

Now, remembering that parting scene, Scarlett decided to be honest with him. To show him that she understood and even in a way "appreciated" his efforts to preserve the reputation of their daughter and family. She decided to thank him.

"Rhett," she addressed him quietly but seriously.

"Yes?"

" I wanted to thank you."

"For what, Scarlett?"

"For your behaviour at home, in front of the doctor and servants for the last month. You looked broken, upset. Thank you, it was a good game."

He raised his eyes and remained silent. It wasn't a game.

She continued, "You're a good actor, Rhett. Now not a living soul in Atlanta will doubt that..." here she stammered, swallowed back tears, but without showing it she smiled crookedly and continued, "that it was your baby. And you wouldn't have to live with doubts all your life," she finished with a bitter smile.

He was silent.

She smiled again with her lips, "Admit it, Rhett, you were already thinking about it with relief, weren't you?"

She spoke in pain, he had hurt her then,during that conversation in the study and now that pain lay as a stone on her soul and she couldn't move it.

He replied quietly, "I wasn't thinking about anything, Scarlett. The only thought I had was regret."

She looked at him incredulously, but then the steam train blew its whistle and she whispered softly to him, "Goodbye, Rhett and... And let me see Bonnie in a little while, please bring her to me," and after a moment she stepped carefully into the carriage.

He tried to see her in the window, but the train began to pull away and it was as if she was purposely not appearing there.

Rhett stood staring at the departing train. Everything in his soul screamed that he shouldn't let her go like this. Alone. With the children. But he had, and now he didn't know how to make it right.