A. N. : In "The Fortuneteller", Aunt Wu reads Aang's future in the cracks of animal bones she puts in a fire, much to Aang's dismay. Who cares about fated battles for the sake of the world's future, really ? I've used bones in titles before as a shorthand for something that runs deep, that is "bone deep". Cracks that run so profoundly... well, they're probably not good, are they ? (As an aside, next update is planned for the 24th of December, which as you might imagine could be a little difficult to manage. So don't be surprised if I'm a few days late with this one. I'll try not to be, but it's a definite possibility.)

Zuko is going to be sick.

The wait for everything to be ready before they leave is unbearable – Uncle, Uncle is going to die why aren't they doing anything, why isn't Zuko doing anything – and it makes Zuko's stomach twist so much that the only things he knows anymore are the pain in his gut and Uncle's execution.

He feels a little like throwing up.

It's his fault, he knows. If he had stayed by Uncle's side in Ba Sing Se, had fought alongside him instead of running away with Jet and the Avatar's friends, this wouldn't be happening.

Uncle should've gone with the Avatar. He would've been able to teach so much better than Zuko ever could, ever will, and –

The rattle-wasp eating at Zuko's insides curls, and Zuko can't breathe. It's his fault.

It should be him in Uncle's place.

But it isn't, and that means Zuko needs to do something, needs to fix this and save Uncle no matter what, no matter the cost, and he needs to move.

Why isn't he moving ?

He knows why, really – Sokka is off buying a new map or two and learning how to get his messages to reach their destination, and Katara and Jet left to get food and fresh water in preparation for the trip. They need to be ready before they can leave tonight. Zuko knows that.

It still feels awful to stand around and do nothing. Like waiting after an earthquake for the aftershock to come, looking at the restless pond water taking its time to still, when you know soon it will start shaking again, you know it will happen, just not when.

Zuko hates these moments, hates the quiet and the calm, because it always feels fake, always leaves him wondering what the world will throw at him next, or when. This one is worse, because it's a fake quiet that's lying to his face when he can see the truth clear as day. It's unbearable.

He wants to scream.

It would make Lin cry again, though, so he doesn't. He just walks in circles, Lin tied to his chest, warm and calm and quiet in a way that almost hurts right now. He thinks – he thinks maybe he needs to hand her away until he can breathe again normally – until it doesn't feel like the world is shaking around him, like he is being eaten from the inside, like Father is walking towards him, calm and quiet, a hand raised to take everything from Zuko again –

He walks faster. Counts his steps. Lin feels like an anchor and a shackle at the same time, pressed on his heart like a too warm stone that threatens to suffocate him as it keeps him grounded. He needs her away.

The Avatar is saddling Appa with Toph's help, tying the reins to his horns, putting the tents and sleeping bags and whatever food they already have on his back, checking and re-checking that everything is right. Neither of them can handle a child right now.

The Avatar is busy, Katara and Jet are away, and Zuko thinks he is going to drown.

Katara and Jet are away, and Jet tried to kill him. Knocked the air out of Zuko – he did the same in Ba Sing Se, brought his hands to Zuko's neck to stop him from breathing, stop him from bending – and almost drew a sword – almost drew a dagger in Shu Jing, almost killed Master Piandao, calm and quiet and intent –

And nothing like the Jet who stopped himself before anyone else did it for him.

There's something terrifying in knowing Jet's control is really only paper-thin, has really only ever been so. In knowing he will kill in the same way Zuko will get angry and scream. In knowing he was always right about them being the same, even if he never bothered to specify it was in all the worst ways.

It would be easier if they weren't. If Jet was more like Azula, always lying and looking for ways to hurt Zuko, always perfect and in control. If he was someone Zuko would sooner die than hand Lin over to when it feels like he is burning alive.

Lin gurgles against his chest – how many steps was that, how many breaths, how long until they leave, how long until Azula tries to steal Uncle's life once more because Zuko never seems to do the right fucking thing, how long until the world takes even Lin from Zuko –

He knows it will happen. It always happens – Mother, Uncle, the brittle attempt at connecting with Jet and the Avatar and his friends, everything keeps blowing up in his face and it's just a matter of time until the earth starts shaking again and his life crumbles.

It's unbearable. Zuko needs to do something, needs to fight and resist and shout at the world until his voice is gone.

Standing still kills him. Running around in circles isn't much better.

He wants to scream.