A. N. : Well, those were a few months ! It took time and work, but the exhibition is finally open ! So, if you're in the area of Neuchâtel, Switzerland, before April 14th 2024, I'd highly recommend visiting the Musée d'Ethnographie (aka MEN) and the exhibition called "x'áí xàì". We're exhibiting art-pieces from current-times artists working in the Kuru Art Project in Botswana, and we tried our best to let them share their own voices on as many things as possible. The other exhibitions in the museum are also nice, mind you, I just didn't work on them directly ! Now, onto today's chapter - if you're not good with medical stuff and the like, I'd suggest skipping the paragraph that starts with "One of the early entries goes thus" as it is an excerpt of Sekiji's diary of dead patients. Other than that, please enjoy today's entry of Azula's no good very bad day(s) !

Azula walks.

She steps out of the shack, notebook in hand, Qin's hand pressed gently between her shoulder blades as he pretends to be by her side and care. She walks, and bothers not with looking at Ty Lee's confused expression, at Mai's carefully blank face – the conversation they were having with the two old men dies immediately. Ty Lee's falsely cheerful voice calls out Azula's name.

Azula doesn't look. Doesn't listen.

She sits in front of Doctor Sekiji. Thinks for an instant of kneeling, but this man is not Father and she is not his subordinate, and she does not beg for forgiveness. She isn't a coward. She accepts her punishment.

She places the notebook between them, date facing Doctor Sekiji. It reads Azulon 26-28.

One of the early entries goes thus – Li, 24, from Jang Hui in the mainland. Splinters of the boulders blocking the way through Jiyin gorge struck him when the explosives team failed to properly secure the blast zone, resulting in heavy injuries to the right side of the body, and shards of rock getting stuck in most body parts. Loss of the right eye, loss of hearing in the right ear, right arm amputated above the elbow. Shards were all taken out, but lack of alcohol for disinfection and failure to organize a route to the back lines' medical outpost let to infection of some of the wounds, necrosis of the right arm, and death.

Of the entries Azula read, it is the first to question whether the author really did everything he could, if he perhaps messed up the cauterization process, if the distraction from other injuries, from strained resources, from the higher-ups' refusal to slow their advance and regroup with a better-supplied unit – if a better healer could have dealt with the situation.

You think yourself incompetent, she tells Doctor Sekiji at the same time as his spouse clenches his fists and asks in a strained voice how she dares –

She has read and mostly memorized all the entries up until Azulon 35, and intended on using the information therein in order to bend Doctor Sekiji to her will. Of course, she knew even before Qin saw her that her actions were hurtful, and disrespectful.

The hurt was the point.

She…

Azula looks at Qin in the corner of her vision, who briefly closes his eyes in agreement. She breathes in.

She apologizes. Bows her head in contrition, not as low as when disappointing Father, or as low as a servant facing her, but the way Ty Lee does when she realizes she took a joke too far at Mai's expense.

She does not ask for forgiveness.

She feels like throwing up.

Ty Lee's voice, somewhere far away, asks Azula what she is doing, what she is saying, what she means – as if hoping that Azula still knows everything, that she will still give Ty Lee's life a meaning greater than what she could ever hope to achieve on her own. As if hoping that Azula's presence still makes her special by extension.

There can be no other reason to the worry in her voice, surely.

Mai says nothing. Azula doesn't understand her anymore and Mai says nothing at all.

And then, before Doctor Sekiji can leave his pained silence and curse her straight to hell, before his spouse can strangle her with his own two hands the way he looks so desperate to do, Qin… Qin bows. Apologizes in turn.

As the adult watching over Azula – Lady Azula, he calls her still, for some odd reason – and her companions, he bears a part of responsibility. He should have watched over her, to ensure she wouldn't resort to behaviors that were taught and reinforced by her Father – how dare he – and to ensure that she would feel secure enough in their presence not to fall back on such methods in order to maintain as sense of control over her life – how can he say this, like Azula is a child throwing some tantrum and not –

This will not happen again, he says, his head much lower than Azula's.

Doctor Sekiji's husband holds the bridge of his nose, his hand shaking, likely from the strain of trying not to raise it. This is the second time you've said this, he says in a low breath, and when Qin answers that he kept his promise the first time, he grits his teeth and sighs deeply. Doctor Sekiji holds his hand.

They exchange a look. Doctor Sekiji shakes his head slightly, eyes closed. His husband seems displeased at this, looks like he wants to argue and –

Is this some kind of joke !?

They turn to her, and Azula swallows the pain and the hideous, cracking voice caused by the burns inside her throat, burns she inflicted by her own actions, burns resulting from Father's punishment – swallows the pain she deserves, and spells it out for these fools to understand.

She was disrespectful. She betrayed the rules of hospitality. She did it, unlike what Qin implied – and how dare he imply Father raised her incorrectly, that the Fire Lord would undermine his own heir in some way – because it's in her nature, it's what Azula does – just ask Ty Lee about the circus, or Mai about her brother, and oh, how comical, she sees Ty Lee blanch and look to the side at the mention of her betrayal – and it's what she will keep on doing to everyone around her until they either get rid of her or she dies.

She isn't a child, and this isn't a tantrum. It's the simple truth, and what Father understood after years of wanting to believe she could be useful. It's what Mother knew, too.

Love and trust, those are for fools, and unfortunately for everyone, Azula is incapable of these kinds of feelings, was always incapable of believing in such things. Thus, the only way, the only real interactions left are those based on fear and control, for all of time.

That's how it is for monsters.