Winter's Refuge

Chapter One Hundred Forty-One

HEYES

I was uncomfortable in Sheriff Birde's house waiting to see the Kid. When me and Dr. Arden first got there, we were told that the Kid already had a visitor.

"W–who?" I demanded. Was there a US Marshal here already to take the Kid away?

Frank looked at the doctor, who nodded. "Father Patrick."

That was probably the only name that would have stopped me from demanding to be taken downstairs.

"When he's finished you can go down," Aiden told me. "There's a couple of lamps down there, but you can take another one down with you."

I sat at the kitchen table, then paced in the hall, looked out the front window, and waited. Frank and the doctor let me pace. Miss Beverly tried to serve me tea or cookies, but I wasn't hungry. And then a thought crossed my mind, "Frank, is bail set for the Kid? We have the reward money from Brown River put away. I could pay it."

"Heyes, it ain't the charges that are important. Haven't even notified the marshals yet. I'm doing this for his own good. We have to make him see his worth and value. That's the goal here. I know it's desperate, but it's the only way left that I could see. And he's got to get out of his depression, Heyes, he has too. Or we may lose him forever. Do you understand?"

I held hands to the temples to stop the headache that was starting. "I need to see him."

"I'll go check again if they are finished." Frank went to the door, and I heard it scrape open. "They're still talking down there."

I could only imagine what they were talking about, but I hoped it helped the Kid.

Finally, Frank checked on them and went down the stairs. Father Patrick came up alone. He looked exhausted.

"The Kid alright?" I demanded.

He collapsed on a kitchen chair. "Sheriff Birde is right. His depression is deep and close to suicide. But I heard his confession and I think that helped him some. Once he started, he said a lot. Frank said for you to wait up here until he comes back up."

So, I paced. Father Patrick had left the door open enough for me to hear a voice yelling…and it was the Kid's. I started to pull the door open further but Dr. Arden stopped me. "Frank said for you to wait here, Heyes."

For a moment, I felt like hitting him and going downstairs. But that's the old me. This new me waited and listened.

"Sheriff Birde, sir, I know prisoners ain't allowed to talk unless they are answerin' a question. But Father Patrick said there's a lot of people that want to visit me. And you havin' me talk to visitors in my long johns is humiliatin'," the Kid yelled.

Then the sheriff said in a normal voice, "Jed." Then again, a little louder, "Jed." And then in a loud and firm voice, "Convict Curry!"

Those words sent fear through me, and I stepped back as my body trembled. I know he wants to help the Kid, and he thinks making him a convict again will do that.

JED 'KID' CURRY

The sheriff's words broke through to me and I realized what I had done. I had not only spoken out of turn to a guard, I had yelled at him, questioned him. I fell to my knees and looked down.

"What am I going to do with you?" Sheriff Birde asked.

Good. A question. I could answer him. "Sir, when you whip me, do it down here. Not where my kids can see."

He reached through the bars and pulled me to my feet. "Not going to whip you, Jed. And I want you to always look me in the eyes again when you talk to me. I am not a prison guard. We're friends."

I slowly raised my eyes to his, realizin' this must be as hard for him as it is for me.

"Hadn't thought about the long johns until I saw your belt hanging from the top bars of the cell. Heyes is upstairs waiting. I'll have him bring your clothes down…but no belt, not even a rope one. Don't want you to try that again."

I wanted to tell him I wouldn't. I couldn't then or ever. I can't do that to my kids. But he didn't ask a question so I couldn't do anything but nod.

Sheriff Birde looked hard at me, and I wanted to look down, but he had told me to look him in the eyes. I saw anger there and confusion and compassion. And I'm sure my face showed my confusion. But I did recognize the movement in his eyes when he thought of something.

"Jed, you said prisoners couldn't talk unless a guard asks a question. Is that right?"

"Yes, sir." I saw him bristle at something.

"Will you say what you want to say?"

I thought about it. That was a question. The guards in prison would try and trick us into talkin', but this was definitely a question. "Two things. You're angry at me; I see it in your eyes. And when are the marshals comin' to collect me?"

Taking a deep breath, he answered, "Haven't contacted the marshals yet." He didn't explain further. "And yes. I am angry. If you had taken the position as Head of the Town Council when I asked you, none of this would have happened." He studied me for a long moment and again I felt naked in just my long johns. He continued, "But I'm coming to understand why you didn't." He hesitated and added, "What do you think about that?"

"I'm sorry. You're right. Everything that happened to Three Birds and Glen and Jeff was my fault."

He looked like he wanted to scream at me, but he only said, "Aiden is coming down next. I expect you to cooperate with him, understand?"

"Yes, sir," I answered, but wanted to know where Heyes was. I need to talk to Heyes.

Sheriff Birde took a step away from the cell and stepped toward the stairs. Without lookin' back, he added, "Heyes will be down soon."

When the upper door closed, I was glad for the two lamps. I drank deep of the water and sat on the blankets in the corner, waitin' and thinkin'. There's more to this than arrestin' me for aidin' and abettin'. Sheriff Birde knows I didn't kill Irvin' Price. At least, I hope he does. I need to talk to Heyes. He can help me figure things.

HEYES

I thought I'd get to see the Kid when Frank came upstairs, but instead Sheriff Birde motioned Dr. Arden to sit down at the table. He was shaking his head and looked distressed. I stood in the doorway and listened.

"Aiden, it's not working. Not at all. Jed's resigned himself that he belongs in prison. Thought Father Patrick made progress with him…but he's worse than ever."

Dr. Arden steepled his fingers in front of his lips. I recognized the tell-tale sign that he was thinking deeply. "Not necessarily. I heard him yelling at you, asserting himself. That was progress."

"If it was, I ruined it. Couldn't get his attention until I called him Convict Curry."

"OH!" the doctor exclaimed. "Definitely not good. What did he do?"

"Got on his knees, looked down, begged me to whip him down there, not in front of his kids."

Dr. Arden held up his hand towards him for silence. Then got up, went over, and poured himself a cup of coffee. He set it on the table where he was sitting and ignored it as he started to talk to himself as he walked around. Finally, he sat down again. "Frank, how did you leave things?"

"I should have done better. Well, let's see. I said he could have his clothes back but not his belt. And that I hadn't contacted the US Marshals yet."

Curious, I asked, "Why did you tell him that?"

"I was upset. Not thinking of our goal. He surprised me and asked me when the marshals were coming for him," the sheriff said.

The doctor stood up again and poured himself a second cup of coffee and set it right next to the first, which was still untouched. Then, abruptly, he sat down and banged his hands on the table to get our attention. "Telling him the marshals have not been notified removed some of the urgency we want him to feel. It might have aided his healing. Cases like this are my specialty. It's harder when it's a friend, but Jed must be forced to see what he's accomplished, how many people he helped, and that his life since prison was a fresh start. I think Father Patrick told him all his sins had been forgiven. I shall tell him that if God forgave his sins, he wouldn't be happy if Jed still carried them around…like...like some kind of shield against being hurt by what he calls the good people of this world. We must convince him he IS one of those good people."

That's exactly what I wanted to hear. I stepped up to the two men. "I'll do w..whatever you t..tell me doctor," I said.

"Well, some things did go right so far. I believe he won't try and take his life. He cares deeply about his family and kids…and what his kids think about him. By the way, Michael and Martha often come to my office after school, and they adore their father. To them, he can do no wrong. We need him to see himself for the man they believe he is. And I agree with them. Jed is the best man I've ever known and I'm proud he calls me friend. You both know in prison he vowed to get stronger so no one would ever hurt his family. He did that, but not only got stronger physically, but mentally and morally. He's always kept that vow."

"C…c…cared about the und…underdogs all his life. His m…ma always said he led with his h..heart," I added.

"Did she? I have a plan to make him believe in himself. Here's what I want to do."

JED 'KID' CURRY

I'm cold and hungry. Well, I need to get used to it. That's how it is in prison - not enough food and either freezin' or burnin' up. Here, at least, I have a quilt to pull over my shoulder. Heyes would have laughed at how much I told…er, confessed…to Father Patrick. He's teased me about what I told Sister Julia for years. I wonder if he still remembers that. I worry about the blanks; he calls them holes in his memory.

Gratin' against the floor, the door opened again. Whoever was descendin' the stairs was carryin' another lamp. I hoped for a moment it was Heyes, but it was Aiden. I should call him Dr. Arden now. Sheriff Birde told me he was comin' down next.

Standin' in the back corner of my cell, I let the quilt fall to the ground and looked down, waitin' to be addressed.

I saw the lightin' in the room switch as he put his lamp down near my cell. He still didn't talk to me. Hopin' his back was turned, I looked up quickly and saw that he was checkin' the oil in the other lamps. By the time he looked at me, I was lookin' down again. He sat in the chair Father Patrick had used.

"Jed, if you want to, come sit on your stool near the bars so we can talk."

It wasn't a question. It was a nicely phrased order, so I sat on the stool. I noticed he hadn't brought my clothes with him.

"Jed, are we friends? Do you trust me?"

"Yes, sir."

He leaned back in the chair and looked at me. Finally, he leaned forward. "Jed, do you believe I helped Heyes?"

"Yes, sir."

"I want to help you. I believe you are suffering from a severe depression and very low self-esteem. Will you work with me?"

I considered his words for a while. I think I'm just bein' practical and seein' me for what I am. Still, if he thinks I need help, I do trust him to help me. "Yes, sir."

"Jed, you have never called me sir. Why start now?"

I didn't understand why he asked that. I wasn't gonna answer at first, but I did. "Different circumstances. I'm a prisoner now."

"If I asked you to keep calling me Aiden, would you do it?"

"No, sir."

"Why not?"

"Prisoners are nothin'. Ain't deservin' of callin' an honest person like you by their first name," I answered, thinkin' I shouldn't have to explain this to him. Even now Heyes still calls him Dr. Arden and not by his first name.

He seemed almost pleased with my answer. "We'll talk about that later, then. Would you be open to Heyes sittin' in on our talks? I believe you sat in on some of his."

Heyes, yes, I want to see Heyes. "Yes, sir."

He sighed. Was it because I still called him sir?

He climbed a few steps and yelled. "Heyes, come on down here, please."

"Coming, Dr. Arden."

HEYES

The basement wasn't as dark as I remembered, and Frank gave me another lamp to carry down. There were still dark corners, and I don't want to look into the black under the stairs. As soon as I could see the Kid, I expected him to yell 'Heyes' but he didn't. I could see it in his eyes, though.

I concentrated on what I wanted to say and then on my words, so they came out smoothly. "Hey, Kid, thought you might want these. Sorry, there's no belt." I handed him his clothes through the bars as Dr. Arden pulled another chair out of the shadows.

Dr. Arden said, "Jed, you may talk freely to Heyes and me down here. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir."

"Do you have something you want to say to Heyes?"

The Kid looked like he was thinkin' about his words, scared to say the wrong thing. "Good to see you, partner."

That was the word I always needed to hear from him when he visited me in prison. It was an assurance that he would be there for me. "Where else would I be, partner? Been upstairs for hours waiting to come down here."

Still holding the clothes, he looked around and studied the lamps. "You alright down here?" he asked, concerned.

"Always alright when I'm with you," I answered. It was the truth.

Dr. Arden was sitting back listening to us. "Jed, if you'd be more comfortable dressed, Heyes and I will turn around and let you put on your clothes."

"No need," he answered and slipped his pants and shirt over the long johns. Without a belt, the jeans fell low on his waist, but he seemed happy to be wearing them. I sat in the second chair, and he sat down on the stool in his cell. And I realized he was in a cell, a prison cell, a locked prison cell, and my whole body started to shake.

Dr. Arden ignored me and spoke to the Kid. "Jed, do you mind if I share your diagnosis with Heyes?"

The Kid gave him a blank look, but the doctor continued quickly. "Your diagnosis is what I think is wrong with you."

"Yes, sir. You can share with Heyes." He looked like he wanted to say more.

"Jed, do you want to say more?"

"Ain't nothin' wrong with me. I try to be pragmatic and honest with myself."

Dr. Arden never gets angry, at least not that I've seen. Now he stood up as close to the bars as he could. "And that's exactly NOT what you are doing. Everything that goes wrong, even if it is an act of God, you take the blame for. I think for so long you've told yourself that you are an inadequate bad person, that you are not as good as anyone else, that you've come to believe it. Well, YOU"RE WRONG. Do you understand?" the doctor was begging..

The Kid didn't know what to do or say. He stood up and looked down. I recognized the prison stance. I grabbed Dr. Arden's arm to make him stop and sit down. He brushed me off but stopped talking. For a moment it was quiet and then the Kid quietly said, "Yes, sir."

Dr. Arden strode over to the stairs and back. He looked at the Kid. "I'm sorry. That was very unprofessional."

"Yes, sir," the Kid answered, mostly I think because he didn't know what to say. I hate to hear him say sir. He broke me of the habit. Sir makes you subservient. He never wanted me to be subservient. And now he's forced to feel that way.

"Jed, you were my first friend here in the west. I may be too close to you to help, but I'm going to try. Your 'yes sir' was not too convincing."

I had seen the doctor so flustered, so I said, "Wouldn't let me say 'yes sir' after I got out and Chrissy neither. He said it was subservient and we were as good as anyone."

The Kid was silent for a moment, and I didn't like the look in his eyes. Finally, he said, "Dr. Arden, you're right. The things I done in my life mean I ain't as good as most people. Two of the three charges against me are true and I intend to plead guilty and hope I don't get another twenty years. I ain't guilty of killin' Irvin' Price. I'm preparin' myself for prison."

The doctor had found his composure. "No, Jed, you are mistaken. You're as good as any man in this town and well loved and respected." I could tell the doctor was thinking while he was talking. "I will take as a starting point that right now you don't believe in yourself. And starting tomorrow some people are coming to visit you. They've been told you're ill and could use the company."

I saw panic in the Kid's eyes. He may think of himself as a prisoner, but he didn't want others to think of himself that way. The doctor saw it, too. "Don't worry. You will meet them upstairs, seated at the dining room table, dressed, but no belt or shoes. Frank has agreed to this if you are shackled to the leg of the table. No one should be able to see it with the long tablecloth."

"Yes, sir," the Kid said, looking down so I couldn't see his eyes or tell what he was thinking. But I don't think he liked what he was hearing.

"Before they come, I want to give you a new way of thinking and relating to others. Will you try?"

"Yes, sir."

"Dr. Arden, may I speak with the Kid alone for a few minutes?" I asked.

He looked thoughtful. "Alright, but not for long. Jed, I want you to think about what I said today. You're pretty good at helping other people. Let's see if you can help yourself." The doctor pulled his chair back into the shadows before he went upstairs.

"Heyes, need to tell you where the money is hidden in the forge," the Kid whispered.

"Later."

"No, now. The marshals may come any day for me. It's on the left side. Fourth row from the bottom, seventh brick in. You got to shake it hard."

"Okay, Kid, but I believe you're going to get out of here. Offered to pay your bail, but the sheriff said there weren't any."

"Don't want to meet any people, Heyes. Just want to be left alone. Take care of our family, partner. Please."

"Kid, I need your strength to do that. The sheriff said you were trying to kill yourself."

He let his eyes drop from mine "Was thinkin' about it but didn't. Thinkin' about Chrissy and my kids…and you. Maybe get me a good lawyer and I'll only serve five years or so."

"You want me to break you out?" I asked, not wanting to hear the answer if it was yes.

"No. I'm guilty. I'll serve my time. 'Sides, where would we go with all of our Phoenix family with us?"

I laughed, but I grew serious at his next words.

"I have been thinkin' that when I get out, I won't come home. Just find a place to live by myself, but near, where I can watch over all of you, protect you if needed."

I reached through the bars and put a hand on each of his shoulders. "No, your place is with us. You're part of us. The best part of us."

"Been tryin' to be, but I failed at that, too. You gonna be there tomorrow when these people come?"

"If the sheriff and Dr. Arden let me, I will. Otherwise, I'll be nearby. After all, we're partners."