CHAPTER THREE

After a fitful night's sleep, Colin arrived at the Featherington House slightly earlier than proper. He paced the front hall as he waited to be greeted, his heart racing. Hearing footsteps, he looked up expectantly, only to be disappointed when Lady Featherington appeared.

"She will not see you," Lady Featherington sighed. "She will not see anyone, even me."

"I must see her!" Colin demanded, his face red.

Lady Featherington raised her arms out in a shrug. "Well, I do not know what to tell you, Mr Bridgerton. But perhaps a stroll around our garden would do you some good."

Colin paused before nodding slightly. He bowed and headed outside. He rounded the bushes to find Penelope on the same bench he had found her before, when he feared they would no longer be friends and he had agreed to help her find a husband. Life had seemed simple then. Was that only a few months ago?

Penelope started when she realized that she was no longer along. She scowled at him. "What are you doing here?"

"What am I doing here?" Colin repeated, incredulously. "I am here to talk you out of this ridiculous notion of throwing our engagement away."

"It is not a ridiculous notion," she spat back. "It is done. We are no longer engaged."

"Penelope!" Colin forced himself to lower his voice so he would not be overheard by anyone passing by. "We have been intimate. There may be… consequences."

Penelope pursed her lips. She knew logically that a baby was a potential outcome, but with everything that had happened the last few days, it was the last thing on her mind.

Perhaps that was another part of your planned entrapment.

Her heart broke all over again and she let the anger take root once again to push away her despair. "Any consequences are mine and mine alone to deal with."

"You would deny me my child?" Colin's eyes were wild.

"I would deny you a marriage you do not want and a wife that you cannot stand!" she countered.

Colin sat on the bench. "I do want this marriage."

Penelope turned away from him. "As long as I fit the image that you want me to be."

"What is that to mean?"

"You will be my husband, you will participate in this marriage, as long as I am the quiet, meek Penelope that I have always been."

"Pen."

"But that is not me, not anymore," she continued, "and I cannot put it back in. Lady Whistledown is me, my thoughts, my feelings. Everything that I have always been too afraid to say."

Colin jumped from the bench. "It is just gossip! You have destroyed lives, ruined reputations, spread lies!"

Penelope rose, her face red. "I tell the truth! You may not like it, but I have not lied. I have been misguided, yes, and rash. There are times that I wish I had thought of solutions other than public shaming, like Marina and Eloise. But I did not do it to hurt them. I did it to save them from their own mistakes. It was foolish of me to do it so publicly, but I was young and I was stupid, but I was not malicious."

"I know," he breathed out. He felt his ire leaving his body as quickly as it had come. Penelope was not malicious, that was true.

"I have stood against the wall my entire life, trying to make myself small and unnoticed because every time I tried to step away, life was just too cruel. When I am writing, when I am Whistledown, I don't feel meek; I feel powerful. I feel strong. I feel more like myself than I ever do. And Whistledown has not only destroyed lives. I have saved them, too. I have protected ladies of the ton from the leeches of society. I have protected women from their monstrous husbands. I have done good, too."

Deflating slightly, Colin asked, "What happens when the Queen discovers you?"

Penelope stood straighter, squaring her shoulders. "It will be my cross to bear. I have set you free." She turned away from him. "Good-bye, Colin."

"Pen! Pen, wait!" Colin called after her, but she never slowed.

Colin entered the Bridgerton House dejectedly. He found his mother, two older brothers, and Eloise waiting for him in the foyer. When he shook his head, his mother covered her mouth and hurried up the stairs.

"Come, brother," Anthony commanded. "Let us talk."

Anthony and Benedict led Colin to the study, followed by Eloise. Benedict turned to shut the door on his sister. She hit her hand against it.

"Do not even think of leaving me out of this conversation," she told him before she pushed past inside the room. Benedict shot Anthony a contrite look in answer to his questioning one.

The four siblings sat at the table, looking earnestly at Colin, but he avoided their stares.

"What has happened?" Anthony asked after several silent moments.

Colin and Eloise exchanged glances before he cleared his throat. "I have ruined everything."

Anthony scoffed. "I find that hard to believe. Penelope has been in love with you for years. Surely, she would forgive whatever stupid thing you have said."

"Maybe not this time," Eloise muttered.

Colin shot her a withering look causing her to shrug in faux apology. "I… have accused her of entrapping me."

Anthony reached across the table and smack his head. "What kind of idiot are you?"

Benedict, who had been to that point watching the scene unfold before him quietly, leaned forward. "Do you love her?"

"Of course, I love her!"

"Then why would you accuse her of entrapping you?" Benedict pressed.

Colin breathed out a long sigh. "I recently learned something about Penelope that has me questioning if I have ever really known her at all."

"And this is the same thing that you learned about her that caused your friendship to break apart?" Anthony pointed to Eloise.

She nodded. "Yes."

"But you cannot tell us what it is?"

"No."

Benedict turned his own gaze to Eloise. "Is it as unforgivable as he seems to believe?"

Eloise studied Colin's face for a moment, before turning back to Benedict. "No, I don't think it is."

"Eloise!" Colin exclaimed, suddenly feeling betrayed.

"I'm sorry, brother!" Eloise sent him an apologetic glance. "I thought… I believed at the time that I learned this information about Penelope that I would never forgive her, but with time and distance, I have been able to see her side of the… situation."

Anthony turned back to Colin. "Do you think with time you could also see her side of things?"

Colin licked his lips. "I don't know."

"Maybe you can with distance!" Eloise proclaimed, anger tinging her tone.

"Eloise!"

She threw herself into the back of the chair. "That is what is going to occur if you do not pull your head out of your arse!"

"Eloise!" the three brothers barked. She rolled her eyes at them and folded her arms.

"She does have a point, though," Benedict admitted conspiratorially. "Is it more important that you keep your opinion of this… situation… or is it more important that you keep Penelope in your life?"

Colin abruptly stood. "It does not matter. She is the one who broke off the engagement, not me!" With that, he stormed from the room.

Eloise stood herself, nervousness evident in all her movements. "I should go myself."

"Are you really not going to tell us what this 'situation' is about?" Anthony implored.

"No."